YOU DUMB BITCH!!! this is no such thing as a fucking flying spaghetti monster and hes not god ! If he were real i would chop that bitch up and feed him to the poor starving people in africa! you people are sick and demented, and your all going to fucking hell! FUCKING SPEGHETTI I MEAN COME ON IF YOU WANTED TO COME UP WITH A RELIGION THE GOD HAS TO BE SOMETHING MORE REALISTIC! IM SORRY BUT MY SPEGHETTI DOES NOT TALK TO ME IT IS NOT JESUS! Lol you all are way to funny XD You guys must be on some good drugs, pass that shit around. Sooo like are you guys in a cult or something?? What are the disciples of this spaghetti guy? A piece of garlic toast and a meat ball? LOL!!!! You guys are soo sick i wouldnt even spit in your direction and when you all die im gonna piss on ALL of your graves!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You are all a joke!! I will tie down everyone of you sick bastards and force feed you guys spaghetti!!! and i will scream out “weres you fuckiNG spaghetti bitch now? Is he gonna save you? NOO! Cause hes NOT REAL!” Do you guys like revolve around food or something? Like cause you have fine art taco photography?!? Who the dumb bitch who thought of this religion??? Cause i bet you money they were on shrums at the time or maybe some fucking acid! Cause this is some trippy shit! AND yes i do believe in hell! But im not gonna go to hell for believing in a false idol like you stupid spaghetti! JESUS CHRIST I STILL CANT EVEN GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU BELIEVE IN THIS BULLSHIT!!! DO THEY LIKE FORCE FEED YOU THIS SHIT? LIKE SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT?
WTF???That does not look like a spaghetti monsterrrr you dumb cunt! SUCK MY BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK BITCH!
- jade-jewel
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
too much cursing to even want to try to read all of this one.i thought swearing was a sin for christains.be touched by his noodly appendage jade,and seek some medication.you need it.Ramen
I assume that our learned correspondent attended an educational institution (I use the phrase in its loosest context) which stuck to the old testament. And he is certainly an admirable example of a disciple who is eager to emulate his master - this is certainly worthy of the vindictiveness and savagery we read so much about in his his holy book.
Oh, wait - I see that he actually knows about Jesus. Well, it’s nice to see such an admirable and devout example of the followers of Christianity. All the sexual repressions typical of the breed in place, too!
And the educational institution obviously didn’t manage to find time to squeeze in any grammar or spelling either……
Wow this guy is really angry and lost.
Christian Fundamentalists believe every work of Genesis…
I don’t even believe that Phil Collins was a good drummer.
Wow, this guy is really anger and lost.
Christian Fundamentalists believe every word of Genesis…
I don’t even believe that Phil Collins was a good drummer.
For someone who really hates the reason of this website, this Jade-Jewel sure can cuss a lot. People like this Jade-Jewel are one of the many reasons why I don’t practice my religion that much.
Sure, they pray often and believe in the Divine and they’ve read their religion’s scripture (they’ve got it memorized by heart as well). They also haven’t missed any of their worship gatherings. But I’m sure as hell that not all of them practice what they’ve been preached or what they’ve been preaching. I’m sure as hell that not all of them practice their religion only because they know they HAVE to.
Here’s something: A lot of people have died in “Holy Wars.” Religion X kills Religion Y and vice versa. Such an barbaric act for something like faith, right? Men are humans in the presence of their god, when they’re out of it, they’re just animals. I’d rather believe in FSM than use God as an excuse to kill, slaughter, and act like an animal.
TO JADE-JEWEL: You’re too narrow-minded. You should’ve read the letter first. If the letter’s too deep for you, you should’ve seen the site’s FAQ’s. Even God is not perfect. He has also made mistakes. Noah’s story, remember?
P.S. Jade-Jewel, I don’t think what you said in your hate mail is W.W.J.D. I don’t even think that’s how Jesus would talk.
Speaking of food or something, you might want to consider switching to decaf and perhaps also lowering your sugar intake. Just a thought.
What an incredibly well-articulated example of religious tolerance. Whatever, at least my God’s balls are bigger than this zealot’s.
Ah, that’s more like it. Threats? Check. Random capitals? Check. Bad spelling, punctuation, grammar? Check. Sexual threats with homosexual overtone? Check.
.
I especially like the way he (?) confounds his own religious indoctrination with ours.
.
RAmen,
acn
You are a moron. Why don’t you kill yourself?
Is it just me or does it seem that the majority of people who send the hate-mail are a little short on education? Spelling and grammar certainly seem to be almost completely beyond their scope. Sad really. Well if this is Christianities best than FSMism has no worries!
Well, duh, no he doesn’t talk to you! One of the “I’d really rather you didn’t”s is to not go around saying FSM talks to you, because “you’re not really that interesting. get over yourself already”. And I am not Pastafarian but when you spit crass insults at them, it offends me. You don’t mess with the Witches and Pirates, honey. If you disagree with this, at least reasonably question Pastafarian beliefs. Or insult Pastafarianism on a higher level of intelligence. Yes, I know this might be tough, but you don’t yet have to be as smart as us. Just a little smarter. For the sake of your offspring (Goddess, Green Man and FSM forbid). Blessed be.
Wow!! Me first (if I type quickly.)
Dude, either take more or less of your meds. Your dosage at the moment seems off.
A couple of things you might want to think about. I hope they help.
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“YOU DUMB BITCH!!!”
While “bitch” alone is often used to mean either gender the phrase, “Dumb bitch,” is generally assumed to be referring to a female. It isn’t clear to whom you are addressing this missive too, so you may want to rethink this saluation.
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“!!”
The over use of the exclamation point is a common error. As a general rule your writing should tell the reader when something is important.
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“this is no such thing”
This might read better as, “There is no such. . . ”
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“fucking flying spaghetti monster”
A quick perusal of the FSM literature turns up no claim for the “Master of Macaroni,” to have a gender. In any event it isn’t clear how the FSM would have sex in a universe with only one being. Perhaps, in your haste, you typed in “fucking” when in fact you meant “masturbatory.” Try that and see if it doesn’t flow better.
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“hes”
This should be “he’s.” There is a sad lack of apostrophies throughout your submission. As there are many examples of the lack of apostrophies I shall not list any more. If you are short here is a generous supply to use in future messages. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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“god”
God, used to refer to a specific being, is generally capitalized as would a person’s name (note the use of the aprostophie to denote a possive state.)
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“If he were real i would chop that bitch up”
I don’t want to get into a discussion here of the existance/non-existance of the “Sage of Spirali.” However it is safe to assume that if the “Lord of Lasagne,” is real he would be a God and thus probably safe from random attacks.
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“africa”
Please see the entry for “god.”
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“SPEGHETTI”
It is actually spelled with an ‘A.’ Spaghetti.
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“FUCKING SPEGHETTI I MEAN COME ON IF YOU WANTED TO COME UP WITH A RELIGION THE GOD HAS TO BE SOMETHING MORE REALISTIC!”
Commas (note that an ’s’ used to make something plural does not require an apostophie) also seem to a bit of a mystery to you. There should be one after, “FUCKING SPEGHETTI.” This serves to seperate the phrases, “FUCKING SPAGHETTI,” and, “I MEAN COME ON.” The importance of this can be demonstrated by reading the first four words as a single phrase, “FUCKING SPAGHETTI I MEAN.” A casual reader could interpret this as meaning that you are trying to clear up a misconception of whom you are talking about. No doubt a common problem with you.
The last part about, “SOMETHING MORE REALISTIC,” requires no additional ridicule.
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“MY SPEGHETTI DOES NOT TALK TO ME”
Easily explained. The, “Giver of Gimelli,” does not find us to be an interesting group and rarely speaks to anyone.
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“way to funny”
You needed to have used, “too.” There is an easy rule for choosing between “to” and “too.” Say the sentence, “I went tuh the store,” outloud. Then say, “I ate tuh much.” You should notice that the first sentence sounds right while the second doesn’t. That is the key. If the sentence works with “tuh” substituted for “to” then you use “to.” If it doesn’t, then use “too.”
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“What are the disciples of this spaghetti guy”
Probably the use of “who” is called for here. Who being used when talking about people. Though you get credit for starting the sentence with a capital letter and spelling spaghetti correctly.
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“meat ball”
Should be one word.
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“im gonna piss on ALL of your graves”
In most jurisdictions grave desecration is a criminal offence. Desecrating Jewish graves can also be considered a, “Hate crime.” This is a second, separate offence. While there is yet nothing on the books, as far as I’m aware, that specifically includes Pastafarianism among the groups protected by the, “Hate laws,” this could change at any moment. In addition casual threats can also be used as evidence in civil suits.
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“I will tie down everyone of you sick bastards and force feed you guys spaghetti!!!”
Please re-read the above.
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“Who the”
Should be, “Who is the.” As a general rule a sentence needs both a subject and a verb. The answer to your question is that Bobby Henderson is the prophet to whom the, “Fount of Fussili,” first reavealed himself.
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“were on shrums”
While, “shrums,” is sometimes acceptable as a variant spelling this is uncommon. “Shrooms” is more correct.
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“like you stupid spaghetti!”
The possive form of “you,” is “your.”
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“AND yes i do believe in hell!”
My very imperfect understanding of Christianity (please correct me if I’m wrong in assuming you are a member some Christian sect) is that it is more important to believe in God/Jesus and to repent of evil doings and the like than it is to believe in hell. As you expressed youself (best that be figured out) your reason for believing is to avoid punishment. You may want to rethink this a bit.
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“DO THEY LIKE FORCE FEED YOU THIS SHIT? LIKE SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT?”
My reading of the, “Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster,” has led me to believe that spreading of the word is a rather back-burner sort of activity. The, “Baker of Bucatini,” has strongly suggested that we not build any churches, thus we have no regular meeting houses, nor any command to get together in His name. Unlike most religions (except the Jews who don’t seem to care one way or the other about gathering adherants) our attempts to gather believers are limited to this website and drunken gatherings at the local titty bar. We may well be the only religion who has never had a war aimed at, “Spreading the word.”
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“That does not look like a spaghetti monsterrrr you dumb cunt!”
This is unclear. What exactly do you mean by, “That.” It would have been helpful if you had referrenced a picture or something here so we might see what, “That,” is.
There is, unless you are Scottish, only one ‘r’ in monster.
Using “dumb” as a descriptor implies that the thing being described has the ability to learn, but won’t. Cunt’s, while worthwhile and valuable additions to women, do not have this ability (which may explain why they so often like to gather together with a penis, which is also lacking in that area.)
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“SUCK MY BIG BLACK PRESIDENTIAL COCK BITCH!”
A comma between “COCK,” and “BITCH,” is needed. Unless, of course, your cock is a bitch then it is correct. If, “BITCH,” referes to a person you desire fellatio from then a comma is indeed required.
If the election goes to the Democrats you may very well have given your idenity away and this could all come back to haunt you, Mr. Obama.
As clever and eloquent as your comment was there are just a few problems with it. Like your recommendation on coming up with a religion where the god is “more realistic”. Just in case you missed the irony (and I’m sure a clever person like you wouldn’t have) the whole reason behind the FSM is to point out that believing in a Judeo-Christian god, or any other god for that matter, is about as logical as believing in a FSM. As for your issue with your “speghetti” not talking to you because it is not Jesus, congratulations on having developed the ability to converse with Jesus. You and Joan of Arc (but things didn’t end up so hot for her did they? Great reward God!).
Question for ya: has your god ever swooped down from the sky in times of strife and saved you? Or anyone for that matter? Think about it. Is it really any more logical to believe in a god than a Flying Spaghetti Monster? I’d suggest taking another look at the message of this “religion” and then take some time to think critically about it. Also, It’s really great to see that you plan on pissing on everyone’s graves because of a difference in opinion. I think that’s the way Jesus lived too!
Last thing: as for your comment “JESUS CHRIST I STILL CANT EVEN GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU BELIEVE IN THIS BULLSHIT!!! DO THEY LIKE FORCE FEED YOU THIS SHIT? LIKE SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT?”…. Back atcha kid.
wow .. I can’t believe some morons actually think the FSM is real. Talk about getting your panties in a bunch for nothing
why did you come to the website then; FSM is about love, not hate. and prove to me that any other religon is believable and realistic. but i don’t want to break one of the 8 ide really rather you didn’ts so im not going to say any more.
RAmen.
Oh man, this is my new favorite. THE CAPS REALLY CONVINCED ME OF THE IMPORTANT POINTS IN HIS ARGUMENT.
This is my favorite hate-mail EVER! haha… the grammar, the language, the spelling, the odd capitalizations, the threats. To me this guy is a perfect representation of the sort of people that want to see ID taught in schools. It’s an absolute treasure!
Calm down… We have every right to worship the Great FSM as you have every right to insult us as you do and you shall not be punished for your inconsiderate action because He shall understand your doubt.
Dude, chill out! Wheres your imagination! I for one, have no religion but a big imagination so I say YAY FOR THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER! Haha!