December 9, 2007 - a cold, wintery night in Cleveland, Ohio. I dropped my keys outside a Panini’s (sports bar franchise) in the Warehouse district. In a strapless dress, heels and no coat I walked all the way back to my car only to realize I had no way in. Frustrated and tired, I spent the night at a friends and waited for my sister to come in the morning with a spare key. As we approached the lot, my car was nowhere to be found. The towing company did not have it. The only other option… STOLEN. My poor Honda Civic was being violated by the hands of a complete stranger.
The cops made a report and then did nothing. The following Friday I received a voicemail from a man named Ray whom I’d never met and said he had information about my car. Apparently it was in the ghetto of Cleveland preferably known as “Crackland.” Evidently a homeless man had found the keys and used to remote to locate it. Very resourceful.
Since the police would not tow it, I called my insurance company. There was a field agent in the area. With a multitude of Civics in the general population hope of finding mine was slim. The only distinguishing marker of my vehicle was an FSM Pirate fish spray painted in white on the back window. If it had not been for my love of FSM and my sheer distaste for organized religion I would still not have my car back. The representative found the fish and my car and everything is back to normal. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Kristina K
Praise be to the Flying Spaghetti Monster! May Mercy and Garlic-Sauce flow forth from His noodly appendages to bathe the non-believers in His great love (…. and garlic sauce)!
RAmen
Your car has been touched by his noodily appendage.
It will enjoy an after life of oil volcanoes and “whatever turns cars on” factories (not us though, the other kind of turn on)
More proof of his power!
All who bear the mark of the FSM shall be saved
RAmen
You drive… a Honda Civic…
Enough said.
BTW you guys keep saying “noodily”, which is totally not a word. The word would be “noodly”; I’m not sure what variation of the English language is accepted here.
The only thing to protect one in Cleveland, OH is the FSM.
I have lived there my whole life and were it not for his noodlyness watching over me, I am likely to have been stolen by the homeless crackheads my fellow Clevelander speaks of.
FSM SAVES!
RAmen.
Joseph Merrick:
Noodily is a word only spoken in our religion, and if you don’t use words in your religion that others don’t use, than you aren’t of an organized religion.
What’s wrong with driving the car you can afford and have? Do you look down on those less fortunate than yourself? I think you should think about what The Flying Spaghetti Monster did for you, and sit and dwell on that. Maybe someday you will be blessed enough to see your wrongs. And grow from whatever fool you are.
May his noodily appendages touch you. May his sauce fill your heart and tummy.
What a coincidence that our names are so similar yet we are so different. I am better than you. haha.