17933 Views
82 Comments

I am not trying to be rude

Published January 4th, 2008 by Bobby Henderson

I am not trying to be rude but there is one hole in this religion that I need to point out. Pirates. How in the world do pirates have anything to do with global warming? There just people like any of us. Pirates are not different from us in anyway except for the way they act. Which (not to be rude) is totally barbaric. I think that this part of the religion needs to be thought over more to give a better explanation.
-STN

[Part 2]:

Ok, really this is the part of this religion that makes no sense. I mean how can pirates have any effects on the quality of the air in our ecosystem? I mean pirates are just humans with worse tempers and better clothes. We all know the reason for Global Warming is the pollutants in the air and increasing green house gases. If people would be more tidy and instead of throwing away there garbage; recycle it. Also with trees. If we could find a alternative way of staying the same as now but using different materials then we would be set in the department. Global Warming is a cause of humans acting stupid and not taking care of mother earth. Pirates; the only good thing about them is the fact that they look cool and plunder.

But either way I think that we need to have this part of this religion re-thought about.
-STN



82 Responses to “I am not trying to be rude”

1 4 5 6 7 8 10
  1. Anim8or says:

    yes, I think heaven for HUMANS is beer and strippers, and heaven for animals caters to what makes them happy… e.g. for dogs, it’s food volcanoes and fire hydrant factories, and more crotches to sniff than you can imagine.

    I still believe that roaches are divine beings… 1. they most resemble the FSM, anything the FSM creates so close to his own image (or at least close to the car emblem that depicts him) should probably be evaluated for it’s divinity. 2. they are actually the most successful species on the planet. I mean even if all us humans killed ourselves with nukes, the roaches would still be here, anything that resilient needs to be considered in his favor. It would also explain all the right wing propaganda against the cockroach, and all the mass murdering as well, it’s almost as bad as the way they smeared Pirates.

  2. Ande says:

    @rmw
    “Actually, there is another hole in FSMism. Well, maybe not hole, but something that I have not seen discussed, and perhaps a more learned Pastafarian than I can explain it. We all know when we die, we go heaven where there are beer volcanoes and stripper factories. But what happens when animals die? True, there might be interest in the beer volcanoes, but I seriously doubt cats, dogs, goldfish, birds, etc. are going to give 2 shits about stripper factories. Just kinda curious, if anybody has a reasonable (or unreasonable) explanation”

    I surely hopes that beer volcanoes and stripper factories are just the top few things on the list of things in heaven and you basicaly can get everything you want there. the FSM probably use these things to sell humans pastafarism because that’s what we really want. When the FSM sells it to goldfish it might pusue a diffrent aproach, maby a very very very nice bowl?

  3. Iron Brit says:

    I am not trying to be rude but there is one hole in this religion that I need to point out. Crusaders. How in the world do Crusaders have anything to do with a ‘loving’ and ‘compassionate’ world view? There just people like any of us. Crusaders are not different from us in anyway except for the way they act. Which (not to be rude) is totally barbaric. I think that this part of the religion needs to be thought over more to give a better explanation.
    .
    Nuff said.

  4. aPaThEiSt says:

    FSM is a religion of peace!
    Pirates are the holy prophets of the FSM, you are being racist!
    Pirates are not terrorists, neither do they suppress women! They let women go on their ships.
    We have FAITH that global warming is caused by a lack of pirates, it says so in our HOLY BOOK!

  5. bombadil says:

    @ Ande
    all animals but penguins

  6. rmw says:

    @DPG–Okay, I buy the whole population density explanation for gw and hemispheres. But remember the ideals of our prophet. Dogma is bad and questioning religion, even FSMism isn’t a bad thing. The FSM probably doesn’t give a damn what I think–I’m just one mere mortal. And even on the off-chance that he does, I’m relegated to a few years of stale beer and male strippers with pasty-white legs and pot-bellies, after which our kind creator will let me out of purgatory and to the promised land. ;-)
    .
    Also, thank you for the explanation of animal heaven. I do remember the posts from the poor dead snake. BTW, does anybody know what’s happening with the crazy snake-lady case?
    .
    @Anim8or–cockroaches as the chosen species. Heh!
    .
    @Ande–Don’t forget, goldfish would probably like the ability to overeat, since that seems to be a leading cause as to why goldfish to go heaven.

  7. biteme says:

    alas, even in publicly announcing your intentions to refrain from appear rude, rudeness spews out from each word. tsk tsk. how unfortunate.
    pirates have EVERYTHING to do with religion. pirates have EVERYTHING to do with global warming.
    pirates have EVERYTHING to do with EVERYTHING!!!

  8. Starbuckaneer says:

    Ok, there is one thing I need to point out. The Graph. We have a Graph that CLEARLY explains this whole Pirates/Global Warming issue. He just didn’t do enough research.

1 4 5 6 7 8 10

Leave a Reply