earlier tonight my amigos and I came across this icon on the back of a car of a crab with FSM initialed on it and I wondered what the hell it was. so I told my roomy about it and she googled it and we found this website. well know that I wasted 5 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back over some dumb cult thing with crabs. I am not enlightened and I think you are all douchefags who will believe anything. however it is your right to do so and I do agree you should be able to believe whatever it is you want to even if it’s extremely ridiculous. and I still think it’s lame and you’re all retarded. k thanks!
-urad
earlier tonight
Published by Bobby Henderson January 31st, 2008 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 84 Comments
84 Responses to “earlier tonight”
If he had taken more than five minutes of his time and if he had a bit of a sense of humor, I wouldn’t be here writing this message.
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RAmen
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“dumb cult thing with crabs”??? The blighter didn’t read well, eh? May he be flogged by the Mighty Noodley Appendage till he come to his senses.
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that is not a crab… is it?
For what i heared, it’s a cousin of the darwin and jesus fishes
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“well know that I wasted 5 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back over some dumb cult thing with crabs.”
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How much time did you waste by writing to let us know of this atrocity.
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“I am not enlightened and I think you are all douchefags who will believe anything.”
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Why are we douchefags? And clearly we don’t believe in just anything, we need evidence to believe in something.
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“however it is your right to do so and I do agree you should be able to believe whatever it is you want to even if it’s extremely ridiculous.”
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This isn’t extremely ridiculous. Extremely ridiculous would be believing that the world was flat and that it sat on the back of a turtle! That would be ridiculous!
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“and I still think it’s lame and you’re all retarded.”
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How can we be retarded with such a massive academic endorsement?
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“k thanks!”
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You’re welcome! Next time try to click the “About” link, it might take you an additional 5 minutes to read through, but it could be time well spent.
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Hey, I’ve never been called a “douchefag” before. I’m glad we got that out of the way before I die. One more life experience.
RAmen
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Urad,
You are an idiot. First, there are no claws so it is not a crab. , Secondly, you can’t read and wouldn’t know satire if it hit you between the eyes. So go back to your pathetic life mistaking everything you look at. Surprised you were bright enough to type in the website. Wait, never mind you probably clicked a link. You must be a redneck!
Ramen!
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1.)If you agree that we can believe in whatever we want then why don’t you let us believe it in peace.2.) Also I could be wrong (I know I’m not) but, douchefag is not a word. It literally means shower cigarette. So free lesson in language.
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Why the pasta would you sit down and write this? Seriously? Especially with that complaint about wasting five minutes of your life. You complain about wasted time and then proceed to waste some more?
Though of course it obviously wasn’t five minutes. Seconds, maybe. Though even five seconds ought to have been enough to get the “spaghetti” thing.
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im a complete beleive of fsm and i think that people that waste there time coming here to trash fsm should make a website for us to trash there beliefs to cuz theres are just are rediculous and stupid as any other one thats right fuck you urad
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lucky you have a roomy who can google things for you… too bad she didn’t also read something to you, or maybe she tried but you fell asleep ? (it seems that you haven’t learned to read and all you can do is try to recognize pictures. you suck at that, too. Crabs?!) This way you’ll never be enlightened. The good news is even you won’t have to go to hell for that.
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Can we enlighten you to the proper use of capitalization, then?
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Ah, another Mensa member heard from. You certainly are NOT enlightened…on that we agree. Oh by the way, your elementary school language teacher owes you an apology.
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First of all: Find something to do with your life. If you have the time to google random things you see on cars and so one, you have way too much time on your hands.
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Second: You have the opinion that anyone have the right to believe what they want, yet you take the time to send us an email. Don’t you think that is strange!?
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Third: But on the account of your bad grammar and your childish sentences, you don’t sound too clever, so I’ll pray that his noodly master will save your soul and give you a place is heaven with all the beautiful strippers and unlimited beer.
.
Ramen!
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Is this me or is hate mail a big strong for this letter?
……It seems tame when compared to the effort others have made.
**Shrug**
@ Lazlow
While I don’t believe the disk world is real, it makes a good yarn. I am a big fan of Terry Prachett. The idea of that world resting on the back of a giant turtle is funny to think about.
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Umm… I don’t know whether to feel insulted or grateful for his tolerance…
-
The true hallmark of a moron is his inability to decide if he is insulting or complementing someone
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And I’m still confused.
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Man, flawless reasoning. I guess it’s time to pack up and head home guys.
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Personally, based on your obvious lack of understanding of basic English, I doubt you were able to finish even the abbreviated perusal required to obtain the spotty bits of information you have probably not retained in a mere five minutes. Your “roomy” (correct spelling would be “roomie”) probably had to make some flash cards for you.
This type of attempt at communication gives me a headache. I’m going to introduce legislation requiring evidence of basic language skills prior to purchase or use of any type of communications device – telephone, computer, ham radio, smoke signal generator, telegraph key – anything. Aspirin is about ready to become a separate line item in my budget.
Spaghetti night tonight!!
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So clearly you viewed tis website prior to writing this letter, how did you not realize that it not a crab? Additionally, you seem pretty upset about wasting 5 minutes looking at this sight, yet you still found it necessary to waste more of your time writing a letter? Interesting. Also there is a differenece between “know” and “now”, you might want to look tat up.
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You clearly have a multiple peronality disorder.
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Pasta, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.
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Howdy Urad!
First off, crabs have pinchers. Did you see any pinchers on the FSM car logo? Nope, those are noodily appendages. I can see how someone could confuse it with a jellyfish or a squid, but a crab? I think you need to do a little more research in the field of Marine Biology.
Second, how are we a cult? Cults are creepy! We are not creepy! I think we are pretty cool! Every Pastafarian I have met has a great sense of humor and are all very light hearted and nice. People in cults are demanding and crazy!
Third, how are we the retarded ones? At least we know how to use proper punctuation and grammar!
Urad, I hope you give our website a little more time than 5 minuets. If you open your heart, his noodily appendage will stroke it softly.
RAmen
-Squingle-
P.S.
Douchefag huh? Haven’t heard that one before? I kind of like it. It takes all the hate and intolerance of the word Fag and puts it into the vulgarity of the word douche bag. Very inventive.
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multitask generation has suffers severely from ADS
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‘Urad’,
.
Do us a favor and learn how to properly capitalize. Just because this is the internet (and you’re writing some pathetic hate-mail) doesn’t mean you should just slap a bunch of text together without proper grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc.
.
It’s funny how the guys who call us retarded end up giving messages like, “U gaiz r dum.”
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Well, I think his point of having lost 5 mins of his life, may yet still be one of the best/valid critisisms made so far, congratulations. Dont remember any crabs here though, and on a day where your sitting around googling what you see on cars, i can’t imagine the loos of 5 mins to be too shattering to your clearly busy schedule.
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Ok… let me do this without accidentally posting the same thing a million times…
If I didn’t have a clue what the FSM was, then I would’ve guessed the car emblem could be a little alien guy with tentacles… not a crab. It does not look like a crab!! Alien Tentacle Guy is a better guess for the misinformed!
You wasted time staring at a car emblem then getting your friend to Google it (how computer illiterate if you can’t use a computer yourself) and then have the nerve to say that you wasted 5 minutes of your life on this? Was that 5 minutes spent by just staring at the screen with drool dripping out of your mouth? You obviously wasted your time considering that, in 5 minutes, you could’ve read the About section and then some, but, instead, you spent it by most likely glancing at the homepage then coming up with your assumption that this is a crab cult. Good job, my friend…
RAmen
Now… I wait to see if this posts until I try to retype this… ha! ^-^
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Mmmmm crabs! I like crab.
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HAPPY HOLIDAY MY FELLOW PASTAFARIANS! I’m cracking a beer right now in your honor, RAmen.
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QUOTE “This isn’t extremely ridiculous. Extremely ridiculous would be believing that the world was flat and that it sat on the back of a turtle! That would be ridiculous!” UNQUOTE
I protest – as a Pratchett groupie, I happen to know that world is indeed a flat disc held up by four elephants which stand on the back of a giant turtle, the Mighty Turin who swims about in the Universe for eternity (or as damn near it as it’s possible to determine).
It’s about as ridiculous as believing in the FSM, and we all know He exists! :)
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urad should concentrate less on the fictional crabs on this site and more on the crabs that may or may not be inhabiting his nether regions.
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It was a much worse waste of my time to read his ill-conceived message.
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To the contrary, we don’t believe things so easily, if you had the slightest clue.
If you are looking for people who believe any thing that is “extremely ridiculous”, just visit the church around the corner.
Incidentally while we have been called every thing under the sun, I don’t recall ever having heard the word “crab” to describe His Noodliness. If you want to know what a crab looks like, pick up the mirror.
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“well know that I wasted 5 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back…with crabs”
I see it’s important to him that the church know he will never retrieve his lost 5 minutes, but why does he have to mention that he had crabs while he wasted them? Is he blaming the FSM for his affliction? Is this a new plague unleased by the noodly one on the nonbelievers I’ve not heard about? Does urad’s “amigos” know about his crabs? Does his girlfriend know about his crabs? Did she give them to him? Did pirates? What gives?
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duuude…. thank you so much for that word! altho, how does one become a douche fag? i think it just may be impossible. But, those are your opinions, and im sure we and his noodly goodness can resect that. or at least, i hope his noodly goodness understands, and doesnt smite you to noodly hell.
peace love and pirates
RAmen
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Is a douchefag something you use to get rid of crabs?
My goodness if you have crabs no wonder you’re crabby! Maybe it’s a rubber bag that falls in love with other rubber bags. Or maybe you use it to put out cigarettes( thanks JokesterJessie for the idea).
I do agree you are not enlightened, hopefully the FSM will bless you with his noodly appendages and so become enlightened.
Or you could spend two more minutes and read the FAQ link. By the way, keep that girlfriend around, you never know when you might need to Google something again.
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I’m not so sure you can understand everything there is to know about a religion in 5 minutes- it took me years to see how ridiculous Catholicism is!
P.S. I do not have crabs!
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What crabs??
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The Flying Spaghetti Monster is delicious, nutricious, and full of carbs. Carbs, not crabs. Get it right, people!
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Actually this person has an interesting premise. With the advent of mass media and the plethora of worthless content it purveys, we find that great numbers of people are wasting large amounts of their precious lives. Think about it: If say 2 billion people devote 2 hours to the coverage of Brittney Spears issues, that’s 4 billion hours of wasted life. Assuming 24 hours in a day, 365 days in a year, and 70 years in a lifetime, that means that Brittneyy has taken more than 6500 human lives.
Now normally I don’t advocate the death penalty, but this woman is far worse than Ted Bundy. In point of fact she’s creeping into Saddam Husein territory. And she’s not the only one, what about all the hours Pat Robertson and his ilk have usurped with their worthless outpourings?
I think it’s time to recognize this new form of mass murder and set the punishment at a level sufficient to deter the crime. Beware Rush Limbaugh, Paris Hilton, Oral Roberts, Lindsey Lohan, Swift Boat Veterans for “Truth”, Promise Keepers, Joan Rivers, et al. There’s a gurney with seat belts in the Federal Correctional facility at Terra Haute Indiana, and, if Tim McVeigh were able to make a post at this site, he would tell all of you that the peole strapping you onto it are not taking you for a Sunday drive.
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Crabs? Poor guy. You ought to:
A: Get a pair of glasses that work.
B: Take a long, hard look a picture of a crab. Better yet, a real live crab; preferably not shaped into a tasty cake.
And C: Read before you rant.
Best of luck to you and the last of your fingers,
Etay
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Is a crab the Anti-FSM? hard-shelled instead of noodly? possessing pincers? similar eyestalks but worse attitude about life? Good with butter but not redsauce? Visible and walking sideways instead of invisible and flying? hmmmm.
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Linguini and crabs. Hey that might work. Lets nail it up on a cross and see if anyone salutes it.
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His noodliness is not a crab, nor is he inflicted with any sexually transmitted diseases. D:
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! crab dude? u need to do a bit more studdying.
peace love and pirates
RAmen
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urad, what sort of a name is that? does it have something to do with nuclear energy? any way, what was I saying? oh yes… I tell you what, you tell me what you would do with those five minutes and if I think it is worth wile enough I’ll forget my chemistry and metallurgy, take up physics, invent a time machine and give you back those 5 minutes. Deal?
and no, masturbation and throwing feces at passers by does not count.
@neal
wow, heavy dude.
Top of the list would be the good people at Blizzard for World of Warcraft. They just hit 10 million subscribers and we know how much time is wasted by players of that game…. we’d be close to a megadeth…
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oh, and mybe he saw the carbonara avatar which is why itv appeared to look like a crab… if the light was poor… and you squinted…. through someone elses glasses… could happen….
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You wasted a whole five minutes of your time and you want those five minutes back?
You don’t know how to waste time. I know how to waste time. I once watched five straight hours of television. On a Friday night.
Which really makes me wonder … how come on TV we have a vampire who solves crime, not to mention a fake psychic, a real psychic, an obsessive compulsive detective, a math geek, a goth girl, a southern lady, and Holly Hunter playing a drunken slut (and I don’t mean that in a bad way) – all of whom are solving crimes.
But no pirates. We have all these crime solving shows on TV but no pirates. No pirates solving crimes, no pirates committing crimes.
There’s cable channels that show Law and Order re-runs 24/7 – why can’t we have at least one cable channel devoted to nothing but pirates?
Now that everyone who has read this has wasted at least two minutes of their time … you can’t have that time back. Nyah nyah nyah.
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sorry that’s the marinara avatar….
carbonara would be a pig symbol…
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What show were you watching?
They make some pretty bad vampire/ supernatural series.
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Pirate detective. I love it! It could be called Blackbeard PD, Blurb: “Blackbeard PD, a lonely pirate who leaves his ship to help the residents of LA (it’s usually there)in their fight against crime and global warming.” His sidekick could be a feisty stripper named Wench, his favorite bar “The Volcano”. Man, I want to see this already. Well done Darlene. Go pitch it, the writers’ strike is apparently nearly over.
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More unenlightened rhetoric from de-evolved, lice picking, feces hurling, ape-boys with the intellect of over ripe avocado and the communicative skills of a thumbtack; I am never surprised by the arrogance and quick anger of those who have never known the touch of His Noodley Appendage. I must admit that “douchefag” demonstrates very creative use of the obviously limited level of mastery yourself and your “amigos” posses of the English language. Someday, if you try really hard, you may just be able to graduate from the preschool you have been attending for the last ten years. I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you, but anything can happen.
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It’s douche BAG not douche fag! Geez. Why is it that hatemailers always struggle with douche bags?!?! FSM give me patience! RAmen!
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k thanks to you too! The seemed nice.
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Udon Rock, even an over ripe avocado when mixed with spices and salsa is still better than the tool that posted the hate-mail.
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You wasted even more time by leaving that stupid comment. Please don’t ever breed. k thanks!
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Look up “irony”.
If the dictionary comes up with: “an adjective describing the state of being like iron (see goldy, bronzey, silvery etc.” buy a new one. OED might be a good choice. OED is an abbreviation for “Oxford English Dictionary”. Look up “abbreviation”.
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Let us pray for this poor unbelieving soul.
RAMEN
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@ wench sophie
its actually a new term that a lot of people are using. its from a video on youtube called powerthirst, apparently its some college kids term project for marketing class or something. and at least he’s admitting we have the right to believe whatever we want, so all he needs is a little push in the right direction and he’ll be fine
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Spaghetti is a crustacean?
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lol, i still cant believe you thought his noodly goodness was a crab. I laught at your stupidity.
peace love and pirates
RAmen
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AAAARRRR Jim-lad. Be ye capable of understanding irony (the act of having a metallic false limb) or takin’ life wi’ a pinch o salt & a smile on yer face?
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Dear FSM in Heaven! How can you say you wasted five minutes of your life? Five minutes! I bet you have your alarm set to 3 AM so that you don’t miss a second when you could be doing fun, productive things like… let’s see… badmouthing Pastafarians.
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You cannot run from the love of the great FSM. He will bring you back eventually. In time, you will understand that our God is not a God of pain and suffering, but a God of love, mercy, and wonderful noodly appendages (…. dripping in…. wait for it…. GARLIC SAUCE – I do love the garlic sauce!)
May the FSM bring the aforementioned love, mercy, and garlic sauce to your life.
RAmen
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Calling people ‘douchefags’ doesn’t quite coincide with showing them ‘respect’. Besides, these people don’t deserve respect; they’re detracting from the glory of the Invisible Pink Unicorn. Unbeleivers!
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This is a response to all hate mail. The majority of you say that this is a bunch of shit. Who are you to point the finger???? How do any of you know what God looks like or does??? This is someone’s belief, no-one can say it’s wrong!!! How is Christianity right??? Saying this religion is wrong is like saying it to a person of the Islamic, Jewish or Buddhist faith!!!! The people who use the Bible and Christian faith to take shots at this website are cunts. God said not to believe in “false idols” and religions, not to persecute those of faiths different to yours. And anyway, how is this religion shit?? It makes a point, it does not say anything about any other faiths I find it great, it also does not say how it is right and everything else is wrong. Also, lots of people are saying “read the Bible” but how is it “right”?? I am a Catholic myself but I do not take everything said in the Bible as fact. I see it more as a guideline to life. Fuck everyone who disses this site because (1) How do you know what is right or wrong??? (2) How would you like someone dissing your religion?? (3) Have you seen God and know what he looks like??? etc etc gee i could go on forever………………….
GO PASTAFARIANISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GO FSM AND HIS NOODLY APPENDAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ramen
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I think there is hope for him. He acknowledges the right to believe what you want to believe. I believe he will one day be one of the Betouched.
May the FSm bless all.
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Douche-fag, hmm? Interesting word there.
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Hehe…crabs..that’s random…
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Who said anything abut crabs? I know we certainly didnt, sure they go good with pasta, but that does no mean that we worship them, it is pasta not crabs. Please get it right and then make an argument.
James D King of Pirates
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Well, lets all forgive the unpasta like behaviour and words of the noodle deficient.
They know knot what they thinks they know.
He seemed alittle bit grumpy and really obsessed with crabs. And from the famous movie line “who brought crabs to the party” he was probably having a horrible day with a large crop of them and it was chewing on his soul….or at least the general location of his soul. We should should prey to the great FSM that his pets be fruitful and multi-ply! All we can do for the pasta-less is pass the sauce and givem a big garlicky smile. Ramen and angel hair to all.
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Er…whats a Douchefag?
And what does that have to do with crabs?
I must pray and ask for a Noodle revelation.
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ok ok ok i dont remeber who was sayin that this guy woke up at 3 a.m and how he wasted 5 mins but i have got something to show you… ok there is a stand up comedian call brian regan, he is the greatist(i have never had to spell greatist before? is it greatist or greatest?oh well back to subject), he does a bit on how his doctor wanted him to eat more fruit,so his solution was poptarts… you have to watch.youll know how the 3 a.m thing and wasting 5 mins for reminds me of it
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oooooo douchfags please don’t hurt my sense of pride with your sorry ass excuse for an insult combining douch and fag doesn’t make it any more hurtful if anything it just shows how amazingly drunk you and your “amigos” ( gods know what he actually means by that) were that night. lets not forget that your stupidity can’t see flying spaghetti monster ALL OVER THE SITE, instead you think the FSM is a crab…does it look like a crab to you? what kind of crab has 6 squigly lines coming out at all angles? and lets not forget your 5 minutes of your pitiful excuse for a life, your life isn’t even worth 1 second let alone 5 minutes. in short kill yourself if you honestly think that 5 minutes of being hooked up to a life support system while you lie there shitting yourself while you slowly die from the poison of age is that important then perhaps you should just end your life now.
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You are very observant—even I myself did not know that our Flying Spaghetti Monster was actually a crab!
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Fool he mistook the FSM fish for being a crab. However it does look slightly crabbish… is that a word? anyway i have drawn the holy symbol and have had people comment on it saying that it is a crab
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I have had people who mistook the FSM fish for being a crab, But we do not worship crabs, we worship a Flying Spaghetti Monster
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I have had people mistaken the FSM Fish for being a crab. Howver we do not worship a crab, we believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM)
RAmen and pass the parmesan
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It’s a six-noodled crab?!? o.O
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I love this site! I don’t think I’ve been this intertained since before I deployed. But I think most people are missing the point here. I beleive this all began because of the Kansas board of education. But regardless of that fact, I myself have my own set of personal beleifs and hate when others try to encroach on them with their own. And more to the point of this post, I beleive I have a halfway decent sense of humor and this whole shpeil of the Spaghetti Monster is encredibly entertaining real or no.
P.S. To all those beating people up for the spelling and grammar errors…my bad.
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lol this religon is funny, not to mention what rights we have to judge u we have all the rights, just like u fool I mean seriously stop being a hipocrat lol….. This religon is hilarious….. It copies alot of things fro the christianity…
lol
hahaha this religon is hilarious….
If their millons of people then how come whenether I go to school I cannot find one person who beileves in FSm .
I think that its just a couple hundred.
anyway love u guys and ill pray for u :)
(This is coming from a 13year old boy)
P.s. Im not gay
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He may not believe, but I’m just glad the word’s getting out. All praise his noodly appendage!
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earlier tonight my amigos and I came across this icon on the back of a car of a cross with WWJD initialed on it and I wondered what the hell it was. so I told my roomy about it and she googled it and we found this website. well know that I wasted 5 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back over some dumb cult thing with god and jesus. I am not enlightened and I think you are all douchefags who will believe anything. however it is your right to do so and I do agree you should be able to believe whatever it is you want to even if it’s extremely ridiculous. and I still think it’s lame and you’re all retarded. k thanks
and to think I only changed four words.
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Why does the FSM offend you so much, my amigo? Did it preach brimstone and hellfire to you? The FSM wants you to be happy so put your troubled mind at ease and know that my beliefs will never hurt you in any way.
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Oh, the power of advertising! All hail His Noodliness.
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What crab?
Here’s to hoping His Noodly Appendage touches you,
-GM
RAmen
If you have any questions about, or just want to discuss the existence of the FSM, you can reach me at kanastag@comcast.net
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