I am not trying to be rude but there is one hole in this religion that I need to point out. Pirates. How in the world do pirates have anything to do with global warming? There just people like any of us. Pirates are not different from us in anyway except for the way they act. Which (not to be rude) is totally barbaric. I think that this part of the religion needs to be thought over more to give a better explanation.
-STN
[Part 2]:
Ok, really this is the part of this religion that makes no sense. I mean how can pirates have any effects on the quality of the air in our ecosystem? I mean pirates are just humans with worse tempers and better clothes. We all know the reason for Global Warming is the pollutants in the air and increasing green house gases. If people would be more tidy and instead of throwing away there garbage; recycle it. Also with trees. If we could find a alternative way of staying the same as now but using different materials then we would be set in the department. Global Warming is a cause of humans acting stupid and not taking care of mother earth. Pirates; the only good thing about them is the fact that they look cool and plunder.
But either way I think that we need to have this part of this religion re-thought about.
-STN
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Didn’t you read about it…. Clearly as the number of pirates decreased, global warming increased. The evidence is overwhelming.
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I can’t believe you actually think that the churche’s lies are true!
The church has this lie of pirates being barbaric just because they didn’t follow the christianity faith, pirates are holy people.
Our lord has shown us his love for pirates and their good deeds like giving candies to children by making a safer world, but because of your church, those pirates are all most gone, and that’s why our lord is angry.
looks at our charts, they are charts, so they are scientific, which means that we’re right!
May his noodle goodness show you how big his balls compare to your god.
RAmen!
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I’ve come up with a poem about religion. Check it out
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For all the non-believers, who don’t trust the word of god!
Ushering in the lies of science, that man is related to dog!
Can’t you see the truth, as stated in the Bible!
Kill the infidels, as we can’t sue for libel!
Eat of Jesus’ flesh, which to Catholics is wafer thin!
Drink his blood of wine, to do otherwise is a sin
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Understand the meaning, learn the lesson well!
Profess to god almighty, or end up burning in hell.
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@ Ande-
I refer you to this post
http://www.venganza.org/2007/11/11/snakebite.htm/comment-page-14/#comments
“Mr R Snake Nov 13th, 2007 at 4:26 am
They came for me.
They beat my broken defence body with sticks.
They whooped “out devil out yee-har” as they struck me.
Everything was a blur. A mad whirl wind of agony.
Then I saw it. At first I thought they were of my kind, but impossible long and smooth and of purest white! They reached around my tormentors but they were blind to them. Until they squeezed. Then they saw! Then they screamed!
As the white snakes covered everything I realised, they weren’t snakes like me. I’d seen the like before, dumped in the desert in cardboard boxes. They were noodles!
I saw to great orangey brown orbs appear before me. They radiated warmth that heated me to the core, like a summer morning before it gets too hot stretched into eternity. Two eyes appeared before me. And a voice both gentle and powerful called out to me! “Sorry about that, I got a little drunk and now my world is polluted with their filthy kind. The mad walk free and clime it is the will of god! They have forgotten me but I never forget for my noodles flow throw all things! Came little one, suffer no more!” Everything was… I can’t explain it! Imagine black and white, dark and light and every colour you’ve ever seen at once. My god it was beautiful!
The maelstrom of everything dissolved into shape, places people, ships!
I was on a rocky mountain side. From the top of the mountain flowed a bitter sweet fizzy liquid. My kind normally get the water we need from our prey, but for the first time I could drink! It filled me with warmth, calmness, joy and an inflated sense of confidence and self image.
“Arr there me lad’o!” I heard from behind me and tuned to see a human standing over me! I’d never seen one like this before. He had tatty clothes, big boots which sort of turned inside out at the top and a massive hat sat atop his bearded face. “Who are you?” I asked. “Arrr snakey me lad! I use to go by the name Captain Scare, but you can call me Tim. This be ev’in were the good and piraty play for eternity!” I suddenly realised that we could understand each other! Human and snake talking, different tongues but saying the same words! “What do I do now?” “Arrr matey. What ever pleases ye most! But I does suggest to ye that ye look over yonder rocks.”
I crawled in the direction Tim pointed. Once I was over the rocks I saw females of my kind. They were shedding their skin by rubbing themselves against tall thin pillars of rock! I was amazed.
I am no longer alone.
When I’m not drinking or lounging in the sun or watching females shed their skin I sit on Tim’s shoulders and journey with him across endless sea’s exploring infinite Islands.
I am happy.
I am… Free!”
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You see, in science, sometimes correlations are found; sometimes, they’re absolutely ridiculous, but turn out to be true. For instance, who would have thought that, by arranging the elements in order of increasing atomic number, a periodic relationship (see: correlation) would be evident? The same can be said about pirates. Trust science; it doesn’t lie.
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@Pluto – Nice poem!
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@rmw – Fucking goldfisehes have to fucking evolve quickly…I over feed them all the time…I practically had a cementery of them in my patio…they make good plant food though, the roses were just beautiful.
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to that guy who mentioned the cruesades,
dont forget the inquisition and witch hunts
and of course, the way they butchered pirates merely for being individuals and then smered them, true though without that we would not have so many cool pirate movies and songs but was it worth it?
you be the judge.
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I can attest that Pirates are indeed, and were superior to common man. In my studies of the various pirates I have come to find that they were truly a democratic conglomeration! All men on board had a voice, a choice, and a means to express themselves. If you doubt how much more advanced his Noodlyiness created his prophets take this into consideration: Pirates had the first workman’s compensation program ever! They worked together to achieve their happiness, rejecting the dogmatic repression of the evil ones. Freedom, true love, equality, and happiness are their goal. There can be no higher ambition! Praise be to our Noodle! Ramen
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Proof that there is a connection between Pirates and Global Warming:
We all know that Katrina was a real bitch because the gulf waters were a couple degrees warmer than usual. What some people may not know is that Katrina trashed a Pirate Ship in Biloxi. Before Katrina, gambling was only legal “off-shore” so the casinos were built on barges. Treasure Bay was a Pirate Ship instead of a barge. To see what Katrina did, go to:
http://www.gulf-coast.com/Casinos/treasure.html
and scroll down.
Unfortunately, the people who are rebuilding have not heard the word of FSM: “The new property will be a departure from the old world pirate theme to a much more modern look.”
Arrrggh! All this time I was hoping they would rebuild the pirate ship. Being a former Biloxi resident, and later a frequent visiter, I practically watched that ship get built. I loved it even before I was touched by the noodly appendage.
The only good news is: “The mermaid from the Bow of the ship will be kept for some yet undetermined purpose.”
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It’s easy, pirates absorb carbon, the more pirates that exist the lower the carbon levels.
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@ Raff
Sorry, but I am a Nazi when it comes to things like this.
Pirates absorb carbon dioxide and chloroflurocarbons[CFC's]. It would be quite inconvenient if pirates went around absorbing all of the earth’s supply of carbon.
Oh, and STN, there is evidence that is readily available for you that pirates have everything to do with global warming. Just go look at Mr. Henderson’s graph. That shouuld do it for ya.
Just a theory, but STN and SATAN… A difference of two A’s. Coincidence? I think not.
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Pirates don’t drive cars. Check. Pirates don’t ride jet aircraft. Check. Pirates don’t use fossil fuels. Check. Pirates don’t destroy forests to make giant factory farms. Check. Pirates don’t raise efluent making cattle. Check. Pirates reduce annoyingly wealthy populations of consumers. Check. I could go on but let’s face it: there is nothing less than an avalanche of evidence that pirates reduce global warming.
While no Xtian can prove Noah’s story by personally building an arc and filling it with two of each species, FSMs can easily prove our faith by saying Arrr, eating fettucini, and shivering actual timbers.
Oh ye doubters. Split open any animal and what does it look like? Spaghetti! Obviously created by the FSM! Made in his image no less.
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I can guarantee you that if we all became true pirates, global warming would decrease. We should all accept this simple fact and do it. What would be the harm in trying it. It doesn’t make sense? You need more proof, you say? You don’t need proof of this or reason for that matter. All you need is faith!
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I invite you all to check this graph which demonstrates the negative correlation between pirates and global warming in the medium of Google searches. Even without any training, you will be able to see for yourself that when pirate influence rises, global warming decreases and vice versa. Our noodly God works in mysterious ways, but the gospel is true!
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so like, I couldn’t find a place to comment, so I’ll just write here. Is your god Italian? I mean, we do eat of him everyday right? I mean, like, white sauce and meatballs right?
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Ok, really this is the part of this religion that makes no sense. I mean how can pirates have any effects on the quality of the air in our ecosystem? I mean pirates are just humans with worse tempers and better clothes. We all know the reason for Global Warming is the pollutants in the air and increasing green house gases. If people would be more tidy and instead of throwing away there garbage; recycle it. Also with trees. If we could find a alternative way of staying the same as now but using different materials then we would be set in the department. Global Warming is a cause of humans acting stupid and not taking care of mother earth. Pirates; the only good thing about them is the fact that they look cool and plunder.
But either way I think that we need to have this part of this religion re-thought about.
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what does man’s relationship with another man have to do with burning? or what does suffering for God have to do with loving said God?
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“How in the world do pirates have anything to do with global warming?”
How does biting into an apple (or other fruit – it wasn’t specified) make people have the sudden desire to put on clothes and be ashamed of themselves?
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Just the one hole in our religion? That’s not bad at all.
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“We all know the reason for Global Warming is the pollutants in the air and increasing green house gases.”
I don’t think the FSM-damn fundies know this, STN. They think the scientists are obviously wrong about evolution, so everything scientists say is therefore bullshit, ie global warming.
But if instead of higher sea levels and melting ice caps, the scientists said that global warming was going to cause plague, famine, locusts, and 4 horsemen to ride upon the Earth, those stupid fucking christians would be all about global warming then… wouldn’t they.
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Pirates are the people that evolved from the original Midgets. They then evolved into us, the current “model” of humans. They were not evil, the way they were protrayed in text books. They circled the globe and gave candy to children of every color and creed. I think we have devolved from Pirates. They did not judge.
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Not a hole, actually. It’s been proven.
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The murderous, scummy, evil depiction of pirates is nothing less than an evil hate-mongering propaganda campaign put in motion by other religions, just like they destroyed all other religions. Pirates are not actually like that…
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If you were to give me your e-mail, I would explain how the Pirates actually had a large effect on the temperature. If you could do that, I would greatly appreciate it.
Here’s to hoping His Noodly Appendage touches you,
-GM
RAmen
If you have any questions about, or just want to discuss the existence of the FSM, you can reach me at kanastag@comcast.net
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