are you kidding me?

Published December 2nd, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

flying spaghetti monster? Are you kidding me? I don’t think there’s any documents or books that date back as far as the Bible and are as accurate as the Bible. Try reading the book of Job. There’s so many things mentioned in that book alone that could not have been known by people, unless God brought it to light. Fresh water springs feeding oceans, deep trenches in the oceans, dinosaurs(40-42), yes dinosaurs not whales or hippos; many of these things we didn’t know until much, much later.
-erin



139 Responses to “are you kidding me?”

  1. Archdoom says:

    Seriously, Accurate? Err… This is the same one I had to buy for high school, right? The thing contradicts itself!!! IT SAYS THE EARTH IS FLAT AND THE SKY IS A DOME! Let’s all look at the book of Job, In summary (yeah, I actually read Job once, before I changed from agnostic to Pastafarian): the oh so great and kind god lets satan torture a guy, kill his family and his livelihood. Why? Because the guy believed in god. Yeah. Then after satan kills the guys family, once satan is done torturing and destroying the blokes life, god gives him another family. Okay, maybe it is the thought that counts, but what if the guy was attached to his dead family, yeah, god says here have another one. Right, so the guy has no qualms about this, just moves on straight away. Mmm, all I draw from that is that the deity you believe in is somewhat insensitive, and possibly sadistic. All this because the guy BELIEVED IN HIM? Some way to treat a follower.
    If you follow the bible, one chapter, could be Leviticus, but I forget (read: Don’t care) Outlines what you can and can’t do if you want to pray, and ways to fix it so you can pray. Except that from reading it, it looks like breathing would prevent you from being pure enough, and to be able to do any of the things to allow you to pray, you have to be clean already. It is practically impossible to pray if you read your bible and follow it.
    And your god is a hypocrite. In your ten commandments, One reads Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours cow/wife/property/whatever. This means Do not be Jealous.
    Another commandment reads Thou shalt not worship any idol or god but me, for I am a JEALOUS lord.
    Yep, your god says you shouldn’t be jealous, and then goes on to say that he is jealous.
    What’s that verse about removing the lo from your own eye before trying to remove the splinter from the eye of another? Mmm?

    Yes, this book that says the earth is flat, the sky is a dome, and contradicts itself heavily. Mmm, just a picture of accuracy.

  2. Jennyanydots says:

    @ Archdoom – well, erin does say some of the accurate parts weren’t recognised as such by science until a bit later on. It just hasn’t caught up with them all yet.
    .
    Any day now they’re going to be rethinking this round-earth fallacy, I’m sure!

  3. Rusty says:

    First of all, the Bible is not the oldest book or document. There are many books that date back farther than the Bible; Sun Tzu “The Art of War” is one example.
    Second of all, the Bible is not even close to being accurate. Ignoring the linear inaccuracies, the Bible is a combination of two religions, Mithra and Christianity, which was merged together by Emperor Constantine.

    Until the fourth century, Mithraism and Christianity were distinct but after Constantine, the two cults were blended to form the new faith. I believe it is time for an update of this blending, and the church of FSM seems as good as any.

    I have just learned of the Church of FSM two days ago, and I have more understanding of this religion, than any other I have ever studied, or heard of.
    For once I have seen the light. All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster!!!

  4. Lieutenant Crunch says:

    wait! the bibles accurate?!
    STOP EVERY THING!
    pull the kids out of school, put them in church!
    and people needed god to show them that if you followed a river you’d eventually reach an ocean? were they that stupid then?

  5. Lieutenant Crunch says:

    wait! the bibles accutate?!
    STOP EVERY THING!
    pull the kids out of school, put them in church!
    and people needed god to show them that if you followed a river you’d eventually reach an ocean? were they that stupid then?

  6. palamede says:

    Fundies do tend to be confused about history
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/12/04/sherri-shepherd-doesnt-g_n_75292.html

  7. Eric says:

    @Palamede

    Clearly when she says “Jesus” she means the almighty noodly vestige that we worship! RAmen!

  8. pastafariannumbaone says:

    uh by the way the bible was written long after christ was gone. its not like the koran, which was written right out of mohammeds mouth. if you are denying that us pastafarians are legit and that you are legit, then at least make a somewhat valid argument.please.

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