wow you people are crazy i pray to my LORD jesus christ that you people wake up God created man in his own image and im sorry but if you look like noodles with meatballs growin out your BUTT you need to go back to SPACE or get back in the pan where you’ll be somebodys dinner!
people will believe anything!!
i am verryyy happy i was well homeschooled becuase i would be in jail for punching a teacher in the face when she tried to tell me about this so called spagetti monsterr!
i hate to be the breaker of bad news but when you look around when u die u wont be with your master meatball you’ll be burning in the pits of HELL and i am a REAL christian and that hurts to know that so many people are gonna be in hell! over a random guy that started a joke and has nothing better to do besides make up some god for fun then see how many people are loving this idea.
God bless you wacked out meatball loving freaks!
-christy
Well I’m convinced. If I continue to believe in the Flying Spaghetti monster, it is obvious I will go to hell where Jesus, grown to 600 feet tall will come down and crush me with his feet like I am a bunch of grapes. I further believe this Jesus will refrain from cutting his toe nails and will rip me to sheds with them, while he and all the faithful in heaven guffaw at my plight, because they love me and God is love.
Later, when Jesus is finished with me, the hounds of hell will eat me, defecate me out and I will be reconsittuted so the entire cycle can be repeated again and again for all eternity.
Futher, upon reading this it is just so clear that Xtainity is SOOO MUCH MORE PLAUSIBLE than Pastafarianism. How could anyone believe in anything as far-fetched as an omnipotent flyinng pile of noodles and meatballs, when you can believe in an old man who’s always been there, who creates the entire universe in 168 hours roughly 6000 years ago, fathers a son who is himself, punishes all creation because two of his creations eat an apple, demands and gets his own son butchered for that transgression, and kills everything he creates buts lets the really good creation’s ghosts party with him and his son for all time to come because he is SOOO LOVING. Makes so much more sense, doesn’t it?
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You guys are NUTS!!! I LOVE THIS WEBSITE!!!!
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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, home schooling is not the way to go. You can only teach a kid the things you know and if you don’t know how to spell or use proper grammer then your child can’t learn it.
It is good to know that you are a real christian as aposed to all of those artificial ones I’ve been seeing on the market. However if your true concern is people burning in hell for not beleaving the same things you do then I think there is a much higher population of follwers anywhere else, but hey thanks for giving notice.
Pasta be with you,
Ramen
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@ HomeschoolMom4FSM–I’m guessing Christy does not have the type of homeschooling that most homeschoolers I know received. I don’t know what it is like in other states and countries, but in CO, you do have to meet state standards for reading, writing, arthimetic, etc. It’s your choice if you want to teach your child(ren) a religious curriculum as well, but these basic standards are supposed to be met. (Admittedly, whether they are or not is another question entirely. Perhaps Christy falls in this category.)
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I’ve noticed a trend here with hate-mailers (as opposed to those with concerned criticisms): the spelling and grammar tends to be atrocious, and there are plenty of threats of violence and/or going to hell. My favorites are the ones that try to rip us a new one (”You’re going to BURN in HELL; I hope you die; you’re faggots, retarded, heathens, etc.”) then follow with a “God bless you.” Are we being cursed or blessed? Please hate-mailers, make up your minds! It’s got to be one or the other. I find it very difficult to believe you can do both.
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@Ayumi-chan–noodles don’t have BUTTS! You are so right! Preach it sista!
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Hmm… yet another “Real Christian” who likes to punch people in the face.
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My dearist Christy,
I feel so, so sorry for you. From reading what you wrote, I can guess either you have parents who are incapable of rational thought and teaching, as is obvious by you atrocious grammar and penmanship, OR you have so many disorders stacked against you varying from learning disabilities to temper control issues that the very God you believe in MUST hate you. There is no other reasonable explanation for it except He hates you.
On a seperate note, “ME” seems to have identity crisis issues. You see, when I read your posts, I see they were written by me. However, when someone else reads them, they will clearly see that THEY authored such insightful comments as “YOU ARE ALL NOBS!!!!!!!!!” I searched every definition service the internet has to offer, but can’t figure out what the bloody fuck a ‘nob’ is.
Anyway, I was distracted. Christy, this god you so adamantly believe in hates you for writing such things, surely. That, or due to your parents, you have earned the sympathy of hundreds. I’ll submit your name to Oprah, maybe she can do something about it.
Tar, I apologize if my post seems hateful of christians, but they taught me to hate them, through 5 years of catholic school.
Back to you Christy, in high expectation of your future career, I answer in advance, for all to see: No, I would NOT like fries with that. If I did, I surely would have ordered them, wouldn’t I have?
PS My Fiance hates mac and cheese, spaghetti, and pasta alltogether, but she LOVES her pastafarian
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Apparently home schooling skips not only Pastafarianism but also spelling and cultivating one’s sense of humor.
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I, too, would like for people to realize that homeschooling is not limited to the religious right or conservatives. There are any number of reasons people homeschool their children, most of which are entirely logical and practical. These might include failure of the school system to meet the educational needs of your child, need for many changes of location for work situations or extended travel, harmful school environments because of physical threats or violence, a child being too far outside the curve in either direction in some specific areas for the school to deal with, and a host of other reasons. There are many areas where families homeschool for these reasons in equal or greater numbers than for religious isolation or indoctrination.
It is my hope that people will not assume that “homeschooler” equals “religious fanatic.” While I agree there are areas of our country where that is usually the case, there are many of us who chose the excitement of helping our children learn directly, with the world as our classroom, because it is simply the best way for our particular children to learn.
Happy Noodletide to all, and to all a good sauce.
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LOL! This is way to easy! This letter alone will probably convert another 100 people to us…
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This has to be a fake letter.
“People will believe anything!”
She is makeing our argument!
Also, … “over a random guy that started a joke”…
Xian Fundies don’t do research.
It’s probably Red Dutchpasta Wench pretending she had a xian mum and dad or PacificPam
imagining what it would be like to have a labotomy or possibly Wench Nikkiee has removed her brain, stomped on it, put it through a meat grinder, splashed it with rum, lit it on fire, put it out with parrot, ate it, shat it out, sculpted it into a bust of Plato, put it back in her head, drank a bottle of yagermeister, and decided to do some creative writing.
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Couldn’t she just send a x-mas card???? At least this one is not written in CapsLock, although she still doesn’t know which letters to capitalize… I have a few things to point out…
#1. im sorry but if you look like noodles with meatballs growin out your BUTT you need to go back to SPACE or get back in the pan where you’ll be somebodys dinner—-HAHAHAHAHAHA that’s craziness reminiscent of the BLR… it doesn’t even make sense.
#2. i am verryyy happy i was well homeschooled becuase i would be in jail for punching a teacher in the face when she tried to tell me about this so called spagetti monsterr– In that case, we’re happy, too. Plus, that means we didn’t have to sit next to you at lunch while we ate our cafeteria spaghetti.
#3. i hate to be the breaker of bad news –I think you like it.
#4. God bless you wacked out meatball loving freaks! — Thanks, right back at ya! (A backhanded compliment, no less? How christian of her.)
But this one is the most important….
#5. i am a REAL christian –Then why the HELL are you on VENGANZA on your lord and savior’s birthday instead of, I don’t know, blindfolding him, spinning him around, and helping him play Pin the Tail on the Donkey or something? Jesus is pissed at you for not coming to his party. You WON’T be invited to the next one… and THAT one is in HEAVEN. Sucks to be you.
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Meanwhile, my family was celebrating the FSM’s victory over Polk County public schools and keeping the FSM in ChrisFSMas… we had lasagna and watched Pirates.
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NOTE TO OUR PROPHET: I really liked the pink background!!!!! Where did it go????????
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Sweetie, your home schooling did you no favors. Your spelling and grammar suck.
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Must be fake.
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@ME
Caps lock is not a substitution for an education or intellegence. Try again.
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Christy,
Thats all fine and dandy that you are a christian. Unfortunately you missed the point. The point here is that Christians have absolutely no right to have their beliefs taught in public schools. Biology is a scientific discipline; religion is not. Intelligent design should be taught in a theology class where it belongs. I also find it hard to believe that you are even a christian at all. True christians strive to be christ-like. Punching people in the face and looking down on everyone with opposing viewpoints is not being christ-like.
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I did not know irony until i read this guys message.
Praise the FSM!
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@DPG
“Hell is a small village in Stjørdal, Norway with a population of 352. It has become a minor tourist attraction because of its name, since people like to take the train there to get photographed in front of the station sign.”
Fantastic! I wonder if the have any cool aristocracy like a Duke or Baron. Being introduced at parties as the “Duke of Hell” would really be something. I guess “go to hell” would be the least used expression in Hell. Endless fun.
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Yep. It looks fake. The capitalised ‘LORD’, but the failure to spell ‘Jesus’ with a capital ‘J’ (I got kicked from a Jesus irc channel once for saying ‘jesus’ rather than ‘Jesus’), & the inconsistency of ‘you’ & ‘u’.
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Sorry christy, it doesn’t cut it for me–unless of course you really did get homeschooled & your parents taught you everything they know.
.
St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Proper Nouns
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@All: one of my (music) students is homeschooled, has an protestant (evangelical) background, and ranks amongst the most intelligent people I’ve ever met. Won a highly reputed spelling contest as well. But countries and educational standards differ, of course.
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@Starbuckaneer Dec 27th, 2007 at 12:49 am: “NOTE TO OUR PROPHET: I really liked the pink background!!!!! Where did it go????????”
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You’ll see: ’round Easter it will be yellow! Hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaargh!
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RAmen and Noodly Days to all Pastafarians!
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@anon Dec 27th, 2007 at 1:22 pm: “I did not know irony until i read this guys message.”
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It’s like goldy, or bronzy, only it’s made out of iron (Baldrick in “Blackadder the Third”)
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It’s a classic, so why refrain from posting it… Brian’s Life keeps coming back here too!
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Ummmmm, the bible does not say God created man in his image… it says “We” will create man in “our” image, in “our” likeness, therefor, there is more than one god…… and the must include our Lord and Savior…FSM
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I would like to join the Holy Order of the Pastafarians.
This website has shown me the true path of life. Would our holy divinity, the flying spaghetti monster, be pleased if I would sacrify my first-born son?
Geetings, fellow Pastafarians
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Thank you for your letter, Christy.
And your lack of education has convinced me I couldn’t possibly be right. You’ve sold me.
Praise Jesus!
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@JC–”It’s probably Red Dutchpasta Wench pretending she had a xian mum and dad or PacificPam
imagining what it would be like to have a labotomy or possibly Wench Nikkiee has removed her brain, stomped on it, put it through a meat grinder, splashed it with rum, lit it on fire, put it out with parrot, ate it, shat it out, sculpted it into a bust of Plato, put it back in her head, drank a bottle of yagermeister, and decided to do some creative writing.”
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I don’t think so. The grammar and sentence structure are so bad, that even if these highly intelligent members did receive lobotomies or humungous quantities of alcohol, I doubt they could dumb themselves down enough to write something this moronic.
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“Hell is a small village in Stjørdal, Norway with a population of 352. ”
Really?!? You mean we’re all going to Norway when we die?!? Coooooool!!
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“Tar, I apologize if my post seems hateful of Christians, but they taught me to hate them, through 5 years of catholic school.”
OK, John, I give you that. I agree, these “converters” are as annoying as (dare I say it?) hell.
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I do not think a religion should be ridiculed by the people representing the religion, or a person ridiculed for what he/she believes in. But ridiculing a person’s action, such as this hatemail is fine by me :-).
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zOMG! This guy better repent!
I’m ready to join Pastafarians and worship the He who is HIM, my Lord teh m0nst0rz!!
I love how out of touch with reality people can be. Yay FSM!
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Christy has broken the 11th, and Secret Commandment, which goes, “The Truest among you shall praise Me with bad grammar and poor punctuation. You shall spell like nitwits and argue like fucktards in My Name. But Ye shall only do this amongst yourselves, and never before the heathens, that they might know My secret commandment.”
Tsk, tsk.
Ah well, Christy. When your god smites you, or your people take you out and stone you with stones till you be dead, you can always turn to His Noodliness. He is a much more forgiving deity.
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i’m so glad that this person wrote a letter to the kansas board.
what you ‘christians’ need to realize is that your religion is just as ‘absurd’ and ‘illogical’ as any other.
just because it’s popular doesn’t mean that it’s right.
stop being an ignorant little brat.
“when u die u wont be with your master meatball you’ll be burning in the pits of HELL and i am a REAL christian”
& you’re calling us crazy?
no offense, but i’d rather not worship some asshole that sends his ‘children’ to ‘burn in the pits of hell’. thanks.
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@Q Smets
“I would like to join the Holy Order of the Pastafarians.
This website has shown me the true path of life. Would our holy divinity, the flying spaghetti monster, be pleased if I would sacrify my first-born son?”
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You just joined us. No paperwork required, posting here is enough. And certainly no sacrificing of children in His honor. The merciful FSM is not vain and doesn’t want us doing all sort of things in His honor. It is His wish to spend your energies on living in peace, curing diseases, loving with passion and lowering the cost of cable.
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@Cygnostik
Welcome to your new spiritual home to you too.
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ONe thing I will say about all this hate mail, reading it and everyone’s comments really puts the FUN back in funbdamentalism.
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Home schooled.
/fail/
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rmw
Dec 27th, 2007 at 8:38 pm
I don’t think so. The grammar and sentence structure are so bad, that even if these highly intelligent members did receive lobotomies or humungous quantities of alcohol, I doubt they could dumb themselves down enough to write something this moronic.
*
Thanks rmw :))
*
(I didn’t write it by the way, honestly!)
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WELL, FUCK! WE SHOULD ALL BE HOMESCHOOLED! Great idea!
Then we won’t have any illiteracy problems or obviously low I.Q.s!
And no, you are not a real christian.
Try loving thy damn neighbour, bitch
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yes, because i religion where a woman was created from a rib, all animals lived in walking distance of a mans house, and people can walk on water isn’t crazy at all :(. you are an idiot. RAmen
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Amazing that CHRISTy says “people will believe anything!!” since Christians believe the bible is literal facts and it’s pure fantasy.
Matt talks about “True christians” above. He is right on. One thing though – there appear to be VERY FEW true christians since all christians I hear on TV or meet in person are like her – mean spirited, intolerant, and violent and they think everyone should think like them.
RB
(I purposely did NOT capitalize christians. The word doesn’t really deserve it since christians in general do not embody the teachings of Christ.
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look, you have made all of us other homeschooled kids look like bible-bahing freaks in gingham! Stop it!
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It’s GOOD to KNOW that you HAVE some love in your LIFE – even if it IS for CAPITAL letters.
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“master meatball you’ll be burning in the pits of HELL”
will there be spaghetti in “HELL”
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The “homeschooled” remark makes me doubt the validity of this email.
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I just want to remind people of the first “I’d Really Rather You Didn’t”:
“I’d really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.”
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@DPG
“Hell is a small village in Stjørdal, Norway with a population of 352. It has become a minor tourist attraction because of its name, since people like to take the train there to get photographed in front of the station sign.”
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Not to mention the prospect of seeing Hell frozen over. :)
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@JC Dec 27th, 2007 at 12:27 am
“or possibly Wench Nikkiee has removed her brain, stomped on it, put it through a meat grinder, splashed it with rum, lit it on fire, put it out with parrot, ate it, shat it out, sculpted it into a bust of Plato, put it back in her head, drank a bottle of yagermeister, and decided to do some creative writing.”
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Not yet. Preparation sounds a little complicated and uncomfortable. Maybe I should drink at least 4 or 5 bottles of yagermeister… FIRST!? :p
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So…..when I die, do I get to eat some of this godlike creature ????
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Well here we are again discussing what is “crazy” and what is not. As far as I know mental disease must be treated at a proper facility. So long
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@Wench Nikkiee
“Not to mention the prospect of seeing Hell frozen over” – Or a cold day in Hell.
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@Wench Nikkiee (and other disgruntled homeschoolees) I’d like to apologise for my intolerant attitude towards homeschooled people. It was wrong of me to judge you based on this single…person(?).
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This was great xD! I especially liked the part about “Master Meatball” xD
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No man shall judge another man. That is the job of the Flying Speghetti Monster.
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