You are an idiot. You’re nothing more than a evangelist for idiocy. Anyone who sends you a penny for sitting on your dumb ass and spewing moronic brain excrement into the world deserves to spend eternity with you and your flying shit monster. Get a life. I’d say get a job but what idiot would hire you?
-Harrison
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
Uncle Jesse, what were you doing to completely miss your daughter getting out of your sight and making her way onto the church roof? Great job with the attentive parenting skills.
Anyway, I have been blessed with his noodly appendage. I now believe that I’ve always been en route to his pasta-e-ness due to my love of spaghetti. However, I fear that, when the day comes that the almighty FSM decides to grace us with his visible presence, I might eat him. :(
I meant “by” his noodly appendage. Oh yeah, I love how hate-filled people spew their ignorance and anger upon something that they don’t understand. It makes my day a bit brighter. Quit being so closed minded. Sheesh. Just accept the fact that every religious book speaks the truth because the only facts that prove it true are what’s written in them. Therefore, the Gospel of the FSM IS THE TRUTH!!! Until there’s actual proof that the FSM doesn’t exist (which is total hogwash… I should punch myself for speaking such blaspheme), then these self righteous religion humpers/hypocrites need to get off of their pedestal.
Isn’t “moronic brain excrement” a bit of a mixed metaphor? I could see brain excrement as a valid metaphor, but shit doen’t ever take a Stanford Binet test, so how could it be “moronic”? This is in the same class as “Open the eyes of my heart, Lord”. If your heart doesn’t have eves, do you need a seeing eye heart? Clearly the fundies are no thinking these things through.
Wait a minute! Am I interpreting this right? Is Henderob (Harrison) saying there is a Shit Pasta, along with rotelli, extra wide egg noodles and good ‘ole spaghetti? It’s no wonder he’s mad. Somebody needs to tell him that there is no such thing as Shit Pasta, then maybe he can begin to embrace Him. I mean, circumcision prevented many adult males from becoming Jewish converts, and the mistaken idea of Shit Pasta would scare off potential Pastafarian converts too!
I’m sure we all want to apologize to Harrison, may his plate be filled with (non-shit) Pasta!
@Unde Jesse–maybe your daughter jumped off the roof because of your poor parenting skills, and not because of this trifling of a website. A merry Christmas to you too. [/sarcasm]
.
@that one guy who commented here once… –you get a REAL Merry Christmas, because you get it. Thank you for having a sense of humor. May you be touched by his noodly appendage. :-)
(WWFSMD) I think moronic brain excrement might taste better than shit. I am concerned about Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease and would therefore not eat sweetbreads. Henderob, I have a job (well-paying to boot!) and the FSM may be as much the truth as your god however angry he (I assume) may be.
This is the best idea ever!
i definatly think we could have evolved from pirates!
i dont see how you cant under stand it
it makes a little sence
it would be funny to eat your god…
Noodles > Wafers
Gosh, anything I write just can’t compete with all of the beautiful rhetoric here. Harrison is an ass. Where do I send my penny?
You might just have struck a noodley nerve. Keep it up
Ted Monkman
Dear “Uncle Jesse,”
Where have I heard that name before? Hmm.
Sorry - in the interest of truthiness, where exactly did this happen? I’m curious, because a quick Google search turns up exactly nothing. One would think a five-year-old child jumping off the roof of a church wearing a Flying Spaghetti Monster t-shirt would generate considerable news coverage. And I mean CONSIDERABLE. Yet when I Google it, nothing turns up. That is remarkable. I mean, I haven’t done anything newsworthy, but if I Google myself, I get four or five hits right away. Strange. Perhaps you could give us a link or some more details or something. I mean, I’m sure that you are a good Christian person and that you wouldn’t bear false witness…
@Uncle Jesse
I’m sorry about your daughter, if your story is true. There a couple of things I don’t understand though:
1. How is it that adults actually believe in a “hell”?
2. Why children have to be indoctrinated with the “truth,” it seems to me if it were the truth people could come to that conclusion independently.
3. How rolling back the clocks of progress by a couple hundred years will “help our future society.” If something’s difficult to understand, pointing at the sky and saying, “God, you crazy trickster you,” is a shitty way to resolve a problem, and a poor value.
(a couple of minor questions: Where did your daughter get the t-shirt? How did she get on the roof of the church? How exactly is a five year old sophisticated enough to possess or lose faith?)
@Uncle Jesse Dec 21st, 2007 at 8:22 am
“You are all going to fry in HELL!!!! My daughter read this and lost her faith (she is 5 years old)”
.
A 5 year old read *this* and lost her faith? What’s *this*? Does she have advanced reading skills?
Most adult fundies have trouble reading and comprehending *this*
So to you Uncle Jesse, I say… Bullshit!!!!
@Uncle Jesse
I doubt the story is true but if it is:
1. Your daughter was extemely smart to learn the truth so young.
2. She found this website and used the internet without you knowing. (Which means you suck as a father and don’t monitor what your child is doing. She would have been a perfect candidate for a whack job predator because you don’t know what she is doing.
3. Found your credit, punched in all the numbers and ordered a shirt without you knowing.
4. She got to the roof of the church. (Again, lacking adult supervision)
So if anyone is going to burn anywhere it would be you for being such a poor excuse for a parent who caused his child’s death for being neglectful.
She must be the smartest 5 year old I ever heard of to jump off a roof to get away from you!
Oh yeah. Merry CHRIFSMAS!
can we have some funnier emails, these are not saucy enough. pasta needs sauce.
gee willickers mister…you sure use foul language.
Newly Coverted said:
“However, I fear that, when the day comes that the almighty FSM decides to grace us with his visible presence, I might eat him. :(”
Fat Tony Replies:
Well, according to I’d Really Rather You Didn’t #5, if you go challenge the ignorant masses right after consuming Him, you’d be following His Word (and probably gain some divine inspiration for that matter). The Great FSM is omniscient anyway, he could make more of His physical body. I wouldn’t be surprised if he let us all partake of his great Appendages when the time for His Coming arrives.
I am very sorry to hear about your daughter. I have to agree with the masses here. (fact or fiction?)
But if you care to buy out the whole damn wharehouse of FSM merch. please, by all means do so!
I’m sure they will cut you a deal on shipping and handling!
All proceeds going towards the new hologram shirt. You can see spaghetti and meatballs then turn and viola! fettucine with alfredo and turkey meatballs! It’s remarkable!
Maybe a sniff and scratch version will be next!
Sorry I’m just a bit frustrated today friends!
Peace!