Comments on: are you kidding me? http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm Sat, 05 Jul 2008 12:03:53 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2 By: Alexander Elijah http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-490161 Alexander Elijah Thu, 12 Jun 2008 20:41:38 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-490161 So God showed us these "fresh water springs feeding oceans, deep trenches in the oceans, dinosaurs" eh? He must have said, "Hey! Look over here! I think I see some fresh water springs feeding oceans, deep trenches in the oceans, and dinosaurs!" You see, that was not your god. That was the FSM. And lengthy "accurate" Hindu texts have been around for twice as long as Christian texts. Sorry for my polytheism, Great Noodly One, but hail Shiva! So God showed us these “fresh water springs feeding oceans, deep trenches in the oceans, dinosaurs” eh? He must have said, “Hey! Look over here! I think I see some fresh water springs feeding oceans, deep trenches in the oceans, and dinosaurs!”
You see, that was not your god. That was the FSM.
And lengthy “accurate” Hindu texts have been around for twice as long as Christian texts.
Sorry for my polytheism, Great Noodly One, but hail Shiva!

]]> By: Earthbreaker http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-405079 Earthbreaker Tue, 22 Apr 2008 23:52:07 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-405079 If the Bible was accurate it would be history, not religion. The Bible is not meant to be accurate about nowadays (apart from revelations, but it's pretty vague...amazing what you can learn about the bible if you let Jehovah's witnesses talk to you)it is meant to be historical, nothing really exists from that time to corroborate it. You wonder if Matty, Marky, Lukey and Johnny knew what it was they were writing...and I wonder where the name 'Bible' came from... Whatever happened to 'faith'? If the Bible was accurate it would be history, not religion. The Bible is not meant to be accurate about nowadays (apart from revelations, but it’s pretty vague…amazing what you can learn about the bible if you let Jehovah’s witnesses talk to you)it is meant to be historical, nothing really exists from that time to corroborate it. You wonder if Matty, Marky, Lukey and Johnny knew what it was they were writing…and I wonder where the name ‘Bible’ came from…

Whatever happened to ‘faith’?

]]> By: Francesc http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-375619 Francesc Thu, 10 Apr 2008 08:44:32 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-375619 @William "I never read the section of a text stating that oceans were/are fed by freshwater springs" hahaha yes, surely that could explain the well-known universal flood; someone -let's say a perfect creator- forgot turning off the tap :-) @William
“I never read the section of a text stating that oceans were/are fed by freshwater springs”
hahaha
yes, surely that could explain the well-known universal flood; someone -let’s say a perfect creator- forgot turning off the tap :-)

]]> By: William Truitt http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-375005 William Truitt Wed, 09 Apr 2008 22:57:39 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-375005 I never read the section of a text stating that oceans were/are fed by freshwater springs. If this is true, then it is REASONABLE to conclude that the oceans are rising in volume due to the flow of underground water. This must be the reason behind the rising waters of the oceanic world! I CAN'T <b>BELIEVE</b> that scientists are not proposing this theory in mass... NOTE: Some statement and/or assumptions made in this text are recorded in a seething sarcasm. I never read the section of a text stating that oceans were/are fed by freshwater springs. If this is true, then it is REASONABLE to conclude that the oceans are rising in volume due to the flow of underground water.

This must be the reason behind the rising waters of the oceanic world! I CAN’T BELIEVE that scientists are not proposing this theory in mass…

NOTE: Some statement and/or assumptions made in this text are recorded in a seething sarcasm.

]]> By: Wench Sophie http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-295464 Wench Sophie Sun, 27 Jan 2008 09:21:38 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-295464 Plus, the people who wrote it contradict each other and make typos all the time. Don't you think that God would protect his Holy Word from spelling errors? Plus, the people who wrote it contradict each other and make typos all the time. Don’t you think that God would protect his Holy Word from spelling errors?

]]> By: Wench Sophie http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-295460 Wench Sophie Sun, 27 Jan 2008 09:12:35 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-295460 Um, of course there are older documents than the Bible! Jewish Scripture! The Epic of Gilgamesh! Ceasar's writing! Socrates! Plato! Did you sleep through history class! Or did you just not go to school at all! Jeez! Um, of course there are older documents than the Bible! Jewish Scripture! The Epic of Gilgamesh! Ceasar’s writing! Socrates! Plato! Did you sleep through history class! Or did you just not go to school at all! Jeez!

]]> By: FSM Forever http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-282065 FSM Forever Wed, 09 Jan 2008 14:18:35 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-282065 If the bible was ever accurate it was when it had never been writen and Mankind hadnt been created by his noodly appandage! RAmen If the bible was ever accurate it was when it had never been writen and Mankind hadnt been created by his noodly appandage!
RAmen

]]> By: Scott http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-279290 Scott Sun, 06 Jan 2008 15:30:49 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-279290 Okay, so correct me if im wrong but since when has the bible been accurate it uses simple logic that can be peiced together and thust create the FSM. The FSM covers every aspect with a very basic and simple understanding as to why things happen, where as the bible simply states 'because god said so' i dont rightfully understand how the bible is accurate. Okay, so correct me if im wrong but since when has the bible been accurate it uses simple logic that can be peiced together and thust create the FSM. The FSM covers every aspect with a very basic and simple understanding as to why things happen, where as the bible simply states ‘because god said so’ i dont rightfully understand how the bible is accurate.

]]> By: pastafariannumbaone http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-278543 pastafariannumbaone Sat, 05 Jan 2008 15:59:04 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-278543 uh by the way the bible was written long after christ was gone. its not like the koran, which was written right out of mohammeds mouth. if you are denying that us pastafarians are legit and that you are legit, then at least make a somewhat valid argument.please. uh by the way the bible was written long after christ was gone. its not like the koran, which was written right out of mohammeds mouth. if you are denying that us pastafarians are legit and that you are legit, then at least make a somewhat valid argument.please.

]]> By: Eric http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-276585 Eric Thu, 03 Jan 2008 02:51:03 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-276585 @Palamede Clearly when she says "Jesus" she means the almighty noodly vestige that we worship! RAmen! @Palamede

Clearly when she says “Jesus” she means the almighty noodly vestige that we worship! RAmen!

]]> By: palamede http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-276310 palamede Wed, 02 Jan 2008 20:42:45 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-276310 Fundies do tend to be confused about history http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/12/04/sherri-shepherd-doesnt-g_n_75292.html Fundies do tend to be confused about history
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/12/04/sherri-shepherd-doesnt-g_n_75292.html

]]> By: Lieutenant Crunch http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-274302 Lieutenant Crunch Mon, 31 Dec 2007 11:32:43 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-274302 wait! the bibles accutate?! STOP EVERY THING! pull the kids out of school, put them in church! and people needed god to show them that if you followed a river you'd eventually reach an ocean? were they that stupid then? wait! the bibles accutate?!
STOP EVERY THING!
pull the kids out of school, put them in church!
and people needed god to show them that if you followed a river you’d eventually reach an ocean? were they that stupid then?

]]> By: Lieutenant Crunch http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-274295 Lieutenant Crunch Mon, 31 Dec 2007 11:28:20 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-274295 wait! the bibles accurate?! STOP EVERY THING! pull the kids out of school, put them in church! and people needed god to show them that if you followed a river you'd eventually reach an ocean? were they that stupid then? wait! the bibles accurate?!
STOP EVERY THING!
pull the kids out of school, put them in church!
and people needed god to show them that if you followed a river you’d eventually reach an ocean? were they that stupid then?

]]> By: Rusty http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-268453 Rusty Mon, 24 Dec 2007 08:35:15 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-268453 First of all, the Bible is not the oldest book or document. There are many books that date back farther than the Bible; Sun Tzu "The Art of War" is one example. Second of all, the Bible is not even close to being accurate. Ignoring the linear inaccuracies, the Bible is a combination of two religions, Mithra and Christianity, which was merged together by Emperor Constantine. Until the fourth century, Mithraism and Christianity were distinct but after Constantine, the two cults were blended to form the new faith. I believe it is time for an update of this blending, and the church of FSM seems as good as any. I have just learned of the Church of FSM two days ago, and I have more understanding of this religion, than any other I have ever studied, or heard of. For once I have seen the light. All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster!!! First of all, the Bible is not the oldest book or document. There are many books that date back farther than the Bible; Sun Tzu “The Art of War” is one example.
Second of all, the Bible is not even close to being accurate. Ignoring the linear inaccuracies, the Bible is a combination of two religions, Mithra and Christianity, which was merged together by Emperor Constantine.

Until the fourth century, Mithraism and Christianity were distinct but after Constantine, the two cults were blended to form the new faith. I believe it is time for an update of this blending, and the church of FSM seems as good as any.

I have just learned of the Church of FSM two days ago, and I have more understanding of this religion, than any other I have ever studied, or heard of.
For once I have seen the light. All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster!!!

]]> By: Jennyanydots http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-263614 Jennyanydots Tue, 18 Dec 2007 22:53:45 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-263614 @ Archdoom - well, erin does say some of the accurate parts weren't recognised as such by science until a bit later on. It just hasn't caught up with them all yet. . Any day now they're going to be rethinking this round-earth fallacy, I'm sure! @ Archdoom - well, erin does say some of the accurate parts weren’t recognised as such by science until a bit later on. It just hasn’t caught up with them all yet.
.
Any day now they’re going to be rethinking this round-earth fallacy, I’m sure!

]]> By: Archdoom http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-263427 Archdoom Tue, 18 Dec 2007 17:03:52 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-263427 Seriously, Accurate? Err... This is the same one I had to buy for high school, right? The thing contradicts itself!!! IT SAYS THE EARTH IS FLAT AND THE SKY IS A DOME! Let's all look at the book of Job, In summary (yeah, I actually read Job once, before I changed from agnostic to Pastafarian): the oh so great and kind god lets satan torture a guy, kill his family and his livelihood. Why? Because the guy believed in god. Yeah. Then after satan kills the guys family, once satan is done torturing and destroying the blokes life, god gives him another family. Okay, maybe it is the thought that counts, but what if the guy was attached to his dead family, yeah, god says here have another one. Right, so the guy has no qualms about this, just moves on straight away. Mmm, all I draw from that is that the deity you believe in is somewhat insensitive, and possibly sadistic. All this because the guy BELIEVED IN HIM? Some way to treat a follower. If you follow the bible, one chapter, could be Leviticus, but I forget (read: Don't care) Outlines what you can and can't do if you want to pray, and ways to fix it so you can pray. Except that from reading it, it looks like breathing would prevent you from being pure enough, and to be able to do any of the things to allow you to pray, you have to be clean already. It is practically impossible to pray if you read your bible and follow it. And your god is a hypocrite. In your ten commandments, One reads Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours cow/wife/property/whatever. This means Do not be Jealous. Another commandment reads Thou shalt not worship any idol or god but me, for I am a JEALOUS lord. Yep, your god says you shouldn't be jealous, and then goes on to say that he is jealous. What's that verse about removing the lo from your own eye before trying to remove the splinter from the eye of another? Mmm? Yes, this book that says the earth is flat, the sky is a dome, and contradicts itself heavily. Mmm, just a picture of accuracy. Seriously, Accurate? Err… This is the same one I had to buy for high school, right? The thing contradicts itself!!! IT SAYS THE EARTH IS FLAT AND THE SKY IS A DOME! Let’s all look at the book of Job, In summary (yeah, I actually read Job once, before I changed from agnostic to Pastafarian): the oh so great and kind god lets satan torture a guy, kill his family and his livelihood. Why? Because the guy believed in god. Yeah. Then after satan kills the guys family, once satan is done torturing and destroying the blokes life, god gives him another family. Okay, maybe it is the thought that counts, but what if the guy was attached to his dead family, yeah, god says here have another one. Right, so the guy has no qualms about this, just moves on straight away. Mmm, all I draw from that is that the deity you believe in is somewhat insensitive, and possibly sadistic. All this because the guy BELIEVED IN HIM? Some way to treat a follower.
If you follow the bible, one chapter, could be Leviticus, but I forget (read: Don’t care) Outlines what you can and can’t do if you want to pray, and ways to fix it so you can pray. Except that from reading it, it looks like breathing would prevent you from being pure enough, and to be able to do any of the things to allow you to pray, you have to be clean already. It is practically impossible to pray if you read your bible and follow it.
And your god is a hypocrite. In your ten commandments, One reads Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours cow/wife/property/whatever. This means Do not be Jealous.
Another commandment reads Thou shalt not worship any idol or god but me, for I am a JEALOUS lord.
Yep, your god says you shouldn’t be jealous, and then goes on to say that he is jealous.
What’s that verse about removing the lo from your own eye before trying to remove the splinter from the eye of another? Mmm?

Yes, this book that says the earth is flat, the sky is a dome, and contradicts itself heavily. Mmm, just a picture of accuracy.

]]> By: Tom http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-262139 Tom Mon, 17 Dec 2007 09:26:24 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-262139 Have you actually READ the bible?! Clearly not, otherwise you would not be boasting about how accurate it is. Some creeping insects have four legs (Leviticus 11:20-23) Snakes eat dirt (Genesis 3:14) The bat is a bird (Leviticus 11:19, Deuteronomy 14:11, 18) Eagles carry their young on their wings (Deuteronomy 32:11) Some fowls are four-footed (Leviticus 11:20-21) Conies chew the cud (Leviticus 11:5) Turtles have voices (Song of Solomon 2:12) Some four legged animals fly (Leviticus 11:21) Snails melt (Psalm 58:8) Multi-colored baby goats are born by watching goats copulate through rods of different woods (Genesis 30:37-39) Cockatrices (Jeremiah 8:17, Isaiah 11:8, 14:29, 59:5) Unicorns (Deuteronomy 33:17, Psalms 22:21, 29:6, Job 39:9-10, Numbers 23:22, Numbers 24:8) Satyrs (Isaiah 34:14, 13:21) Fiery serpents (Numbers 21:6) Flying serpents (Isaiah 14:29, 30:6) The world is stable and immovable (1 Chronicles 16:30) The world cannot be moved (Psalm 93:1) He has fixed the earth firm, immovable (1 Chronicles 16:30) Thou hast fixed the earth immovable and firm (Psalm 93:1) He has fixed the earth firm, immovable (Psalm 96:10) Who made the earth and fashioned it, and himself fixed it fast (Isaiah 45:18) The earth has ends or edges (Job 37:3) The earth has four corners (Isaiah 11:12, Rev 7:1) The earth is on a fixed foundation (Psalm 104:5) The earth rest on pillars (1 Samuel 2:8-10) Epilepsy is caused by demon possession (Luke 9:39) A fetus can understand speech and jump for joy (Luke 1:44) Sick people are oppressed by the devil (Acts 10:38) Washing in a Siloam pool restores sight (John 9:7) Jesus believes sin causes physical disability (John 5:14) Water stirred by angels will cure all illness (John 5:4) Satan causes illness (Luke 13:11-16) Mutes are possessed by the devil (Luke 11:14, Mathew 9:32-33) Sickness is caused by lack of faith (Luke 8:48) Disease is caused by god’s wrath (Numbers 12:10, Exodus 15:26) Leprosy is cured by dipping a live bird in the blood of a dead one, kill a lamb, Find another pair of birds and repeat step one, sprinkle lots of blood around (Leviticus 14:2-52) Humankind 4.54 Billion Years Old Humans have been around since the world began (Acts 3:21) Jesus believed Adam and Eve were created at the beginning of earth’s time (Mark 10:6) Nothing has changed since the beginning of creation (Peter 3:4) Have you actually READ the bible?!

Clearly not, otherwise you would not be boasting about how accurate it is.

Some creeping insects have four legs (Leviticus 11:20-23)
Snakes eat dirt (Genesis 3:14)
The bat is a bird (Leviticus 11:19, Deuteronomy 14:11, 18)
Eagles carry their young on their wings (Deuteronomy 32:11)
Some fowls are four-footed (Leviticus 11:20-21)
Conies chew the cud (Leviticus 11:5)
Turtles have voices (Song of Solomon 2:12)
Some four legged animals fly (Leviticus 11:21)
Snails melt (Psalm 58:8)
Multi-colored baby goats are born by watching goats copulate through rods of different woods (Genesis 30:37-39)

Cockatrices (Jeremiah 8:17, Isaiah 11:8, 14:29, 59:5)
Unicorns (Deuteronomy 33:17, Psalms 22:21, 29:6, Job 39:9-10, Numbers 23:22, Numbers 24:8)
Satyrs (Isaiah 34:14, 13:21)
Fiery serpents (Numbers 21:6)
Flying serpents (Isaiah 14:29, 30:6)

The world is stable and immovable (1 Chronicles 16:30)
The world cannot be moved (Psalm 93:1)
He has fixed the earth firm, immovable (1 Chronicles 16:30)
Thou hast fixed the earth immovable and firm (Psalm 93:1)
He has fixed the earth firm, immovable (Psalm 96:10)
Who made the earth and fashioned it, and himself fixed it fast (Isaiah 45:18)

The earth has ends or edges (Job 37:3)
The earth has four corners (Isaiah 11:12, Rev 7:1)
The earth is on a fixed foundation (Psalm 104:5)
The earth rest on pillars (1 Samuel 2:8-10)

Epilepsy is caused by demon possession (Luke 9:39)
A fetus can understand speech and jump for joy (Luke 1:44)
Sick people are oppressed by the devil (Acts 10:38)
Washing in a Siloam pool restores sight (John 9:7)
Jesus believes sin causes physical disability (John 5:14)
Water stirred by angels will cure all illness (John 5:4)
Satan causes illness (Luke 13:11-16)
Mutes are possessed by the devil (Luke 11:14, Mathew 9:32-33)
Sickness is caused by lack of faith (Luke 8:48)
Disease is caused by god’s wrath (Numbers 12:10, Exodus 15:26)
Leprosy is cured by dipping a live bird in the blood of a dead one, kill a lamb, Find another pair of birds and repeat step one, sprinkle lots of blood around (Leviticus 14:2-52)

Humankind 4.54 Billion Years Old
Humans have been around since the world began (Acts 3:21)
Jesus believed Adam and Eve were created at the beginning of earth’s time (Mark 10:6)
Nothing has changed since the beginning of creation (Peter 3:4)

]]> By: The Great Alien http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-261544 The Great Alien Sun, 16 Dec 2007 22:41:39 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-261544 I love the FSM! Please can I have a bumper sticker? Thanks :) I love the FSM!

Please can I have a bumper sticker? Thanks :)

]]> By: Iscariot http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-257824 Iscariot Wed, 12 Dec 2007 08:00:24 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-257824 @neal Dec 8th, 2007 at 12:03 am-This is to the "real neal" not the ignorant identity stealing "Neal"- I thought that was very well put, rock on brother. @neal Dec 8th, 2007 at 12:03 am-This is to the “real neal” not the ignorant identity stealing “Neal”- I thought that was very well put, rock on brother.

]]> By: Daniel http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-257770 Daniel Wed, 12 Dec 2007 06:35:40 +0000 http://www.venganza.org/2007/12/02/are-you-kidding-me.htm#comment-257770 What difference does it make what the animal was? Maybe it was a Rhino or an elephant or a mythical animal called a Behemoth that really did have bones of bronze and Iron ribs. The book can describe any fantacy animal it wants, it is still fantacy and make believe. The bible being old does nothing to lend to its accuracy. If anything, you need to be suspicious of anything written at a time where fact base stories were not the norm. Honestly, if you didn't grow up with religion and one day someone says to you, "hey, I know about these stories told by a bunch of nomads wandering around mesopotamia during the late bronze age. You want to buy into them as solid fact?" you would justifiably tell them to piss off. What difference does it make what the animal was? Maybe it was a Rhino or an elephant or a mythical animal called a Behemoth that really did have bones of bronze and Iron ribs. The book can describe any fantacy animal it wants, it is still fantacy and make believe. The bible being old does nothing to lend to its accuracy. If anything, you need to be suspicious of anything written at a time where fact base stories were not the norm. Honestly, if you didn’t grow up with religion and one day someone says to you, “hey, I know about these stories told by a bunch of nomads wandering around mesopotamia during the late bronze age. You want to buy into them as solid fact?” you would justifiably tell them to piss off.

]]>