neat-o-rama’s myths and truths about pirates

pirates.jpg

From our friends at neat-o-rama, 7 Myths and Truths about Pirates:

We’ve all got an idea of what it was like to be a pirate in the 1700s – but a lot of it is pure Hollywood hooey. Here’s a few of our most common misconceptions about pirates … and the truth about them.

Here’s the link

67 Responses to “neat-o-rama’s myths and truths about pirates”
  1. 1 - Dogma’s A Bitch - Nov 24th, 2007

    Thanks for the info. I’ll check it out.

    And if’n I understand the protocol here (I’m new)…..GOLD??

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  2. 2 - Azuth - Nov 24th, 2007

    Wow, a newcomer grabs silver as well as gold. Cool article, btw.

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  3. 3 - Wench Nikkiee - Nov 24th, 2007

    Congrats to you two and welcome :)
    .
    WALKING THE PLANK
    “Few (if any) pirate ships ever used “the plank.” When pirates took over a ship, they usually let the captured crewmembers choose between joining the pirate crew or jumping overboard. Why go to all the trouble of setting up a plank to walk off? As historian Hugh Rankin put it: “The formality of a plank seems a bit absurd when it was so much easier just to toss a prisoner overboard.”
    .
    I reckon we should keep the plank…more fun!

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  4. 4 - Dungeon Keeper - Nov 24th, 2007

    Bronze! I think A&E or Discovery Channel had a show about this a few years ago. But they didn’t mention how the pirates gave candy to children and fought global warming….

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  5. 5 - Dungeon Keeper - Nov 24th, 2007

    … crap… what’s forth? Candy…?

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  6. 6 - Wench Nikkiee - Nov 24th, 2007

    Aww….sorry :( I honestly did wait for awhile before posting. Don’t know what forth is….how bout Beryllium?

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  7. 7 - Wench Nikkiee - Nov 24th, 2007

    Errr…no…wrong scale…that one would make me Lithium :p

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  8. 8 - Dungeon Keeper - Nov 24th, 2007

    S’alright.

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  9. 9 - Darwinfish - Nov 24th, 2007

    We could have a whole scale of posting, from gold to pyrite or something. Do alloys count or are we just doing elements?

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  10. 10 - Bombadil - Nov 25th, 2007

    Platinum!(better than gold btw) they have Teaches flag! he of course did have a big ship. THE QUEEN ANNE’S REVENGE!!!!

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  11. 11 - PHP2FSMP - Nov 25th, 2007

    Converts are always the most dangerous of religious fanatics. Finally, after years of soothing myself with parrothead music while making sure numerous alternative and multicultural explanations for the origin of the universe were available to middle and high school students, I can once again return to teaching objective science with a clear conscience. Your existence (and mine place as I now understand it) adds the definitive coffin nail which evolutionary biologists have been seeking among the fossilized forms of post-mortem then petrified flora and fauna. With a single mouse click I can call upon the wisspoofdom yet appropriate delegation to higher authority for the simple yet clear message “if reasoning by faith alone is required, to whose faith do we ultimately turn”!

    Thank you, FSM, and through your earth-bound adherents marketing efforts I go now to add another symbol to my “One Universe, One (Hundred Billion) Explanation(s)” mass media contact vessel. This traveling required reading is conveniently located at eye level for all who follow in my wake, seeking a weather advantage over my parrothead-powered vessel. Piracy is always best in crowded sea lanes where blocked in and otherwise weak-minded captains of gas-guzzlers are enlightened to the freedoms available to less complex life-forms. Oh, were we all just jellyfish, then we’d too be mirroring closely the form and functions of our FSM creator. Enjoy.

    PHP2FSMP
    (ParrotHead Pirate to Flying Spaghetti Monster Pirate)

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  12. 12 - ollie - Nov 25th, 2007

    Sorry, but I get my information by divine revelation which, of course, has a higher priority than things like scholarly research. :)

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  13. 13 - Jean Bart - Nov 25th, 2007

    Hey, the Jolly Fish is lacking from the examples of Jolly Rogers! Anybody here having a Wikipedia account and able to add our flag to the Wikimedia Commons?

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  14. 14 - Paul Murdock - Nov 25th, 2007

    Just read the New York Times Sunday Magazine. Great article about the Creationist Geology movement. They are trying to get real science behind their mistaken beliefs. Yet another attempt at pseudo science and an afront to our FSM!

    This is moving further into the category of dangerous fanaticism. Couple this with death threats to our Pastafarians and we have what looks like extremism. The ID crowd is looking desparate. They need to sit down and eat some pasta.

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  15. 15 - Bombadil - Nov 25th, 2007

    hey guys i’m trying to start a pastafarian gathering in hellertown PA

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  16. 16 - Bombadil - Nov 25th, 2007

    real small town (with a lot of fundies to piss off ;) )

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  17. 17 - Nephelos - Nov 25th, 2007

    Hooray, pirates!

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  18. 18 - El Mostro - Nov 25th, 2007

    Wow, I want to be a Pastafarian.
    Regards fom Mosterio, the cave of Mostro.

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  19. 19 - The Rabid Baby - Nov 26th, 2007

    I liked the bit about everyone getting equal shares. More money for me if the captain doesn’t take it all!

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  20. 20 - Alex - Nov 26th, 2007

    Hello. I didn’t find an email address at all to contact you guys, but I just wanted to bring your attention to a rather strange endorsement. It might have been discussed here before, but at the Intelligent Design site idnet.com.au, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is mentioned when they’re describing how ID has been vilified (in this case by being equated with FSM) by “secular forces”. Keep up the good work!

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  21. 21 - Alex - Nov 26th, 2007

    Whoops. Let me be more specific… http://www.idnet.com.au/files/pdf/PDF%20ID_Website_10_Questions.PDF

    Bottom of page 3.

    Cheers!

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  22. 22 - Cogito - Nov 26th, 2007

    They call us “demeaning”. How rude.

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  23. 23 - storm petrel - Nov 26th, 2007

    They compare themselves to Gailileo as being censored, they really should read up on their history a bit, the church turned on his theories because they disagreed with the bible, the IDiots turn on eveolution because it disagrees with the bible…

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  24. 24 - rmw - Nov 26th, 2007

    @Alex–thanks for the link. Here’s my favorite part:
    .
    “By censoring ID, other disciplines like archaeology, SETI, cosmology, and criminology, and many
    other areas of scientific endeavour that rely on ID theory are in danger of also being relegated to the
    realm of pseudo-science. All this is done to suppress discussion about the application of ID theory
    to biochemistry. Open minded people will look deeper and evaluate the evidence themselves.”
    .
    Right, because archaeologists and cosmologists/astronomers and the like will all be “pseudo-science” because they are…I dunno…heretics, I suppose. Heretics who don’t see the divinity of God in their work, but instead look at observable facts and extrapolate from there. Couple hundred years ago, such blashphemy would’ve sent you to be burned at the stake. We Pastafarians, and scientists, and all others who don’t believe that ID and science should be taught side-by-side, or the one-and-the-same, are probably lucky that there are no stake-burnings anymore. And Galileo must be turning over in his grave!
    .
    Loved the pirate article. The History Channel had a good documentary on pirates about a year or so ago. It was call “The Real Caribbean Pirates.” I recommend it.

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  25. 25 - Wench.Nikkiee - Nov 26th, 2007

    @storm petrel Nov 26th, 2007 at 12:12 pm
    “They compare themselves to Gailileo as being censored”
    .

    The Crackpot Index
    #34.
    40 points for claiming that the “scientific establishment” is engaged in a “conspiracy” to prevent your work from gaining its well-deserved fame, or suchlike.

    #35.
    40 points for comparing yourself to Galileo, suggesting that a modern-day Inquisition is hard at work on your case, and so on.

    #36.
    40 points for claiming that when your theory is finally appreciated, present-day science will be seen for the sham it truly is. (30 more points for fantasizing about show trials in which scientists who mocked your theories will be forced to recant.)

    #37
    50 points for claiming you have a revolutionary theory but giving no concrete testable predictions.
    .
    http://math.ucr.edu/home/baez/crackpot.html

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  26. 26 - storm petrel - Nov 26th, 2007

    So the IDiots must have about a thousand points by now? Do they get extra for repitition?

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  27. 27 - rmw - Nov 26th, 2007

    @Wench.Nikkiee@–I think the Crackpot Index would make a nice companion to the Fuckwit Finder used for hatemail.
    .
    BTW, this is my favorite: 30 points for claiming that your theories were developed by an extraterrestrial civilization (without good evidence).

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  28. 28 - ☠DutchPastaGuy☠ - Nov 26th, 2007

    @Nikkiee
    Thanks for the crackpot index, I hadn’t seen that one before I think. Another amusing bookmark for me.

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  29. 29 - rmw - Nov 26th, 2007

    @storm petrel–I didn’t see any points value for repetition, but I think it needs to be added. So, let’s say 100 points for constantly bringing up your fucktard theory, as if by saying it enough times, it’ll eventually be correct.

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  30. 30 - storm petrel - Nov 26th, 2007

    Isn’t one of the definitions of insanity doing the exact same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?

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  31. 31 - rmw - Nov 26th, 2007

    @storm petrel–Hahahahahahaha!!! I believe you’re right.

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  32. 32 - rmw - Nov 26th, 2007

    I’ve noticed the FSM now has a Santa hat. Yes, the holiday season doth approach. A time to spend too much, drink too much, eath too much, and pretty much just do everything in excess. Sounds down-right piratey to me.

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  33. 33 - PacificPam - Nov 26th, 2007

    Yep, remember chrisitanity took pretty much everything from other religions…sooo, they do have a resemblance to us.
    .

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  34. 34 - El Peatieablo - Nov 26th, 2007

    @rmw
    FSM wearing a Santa hat? Peter Popoff will be overjoyed!

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  35. 35 - PacificPam - Nov 26th, 2007

    @El Peatieablo – would you mind explaining me why?

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  36. 36 - El Peatieablo - Nov 26th, 2007

    @PacificPam
    A while ago he was questing for Santa… Those were the days… :)

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  37. 37 - PacificPam - Nov 26th, 2007

    Oh, Santa is actually the FSM….that explains why he get to all the houses in only one night…all that bunch of noodly appendages…hahahahaha…I can tell my mom that santa exists and is good.

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  38. 38 - PacificPam - Nov 26th, 2007

    hahaha

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  39. 39 - PacificPam - Nov 26th, 2007

    And Adam was a horny man…

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  40. 40 - Red Dutch Pasta Wench - Nov 27th, 2007

    Yes, he lusted after all the women in the world………

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  41. 41 - PacificPam - Nov 27th, 2007

    Oh, I was talking about the horns at the top of the site…but…what women,…if it was only him and eve?

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  42. 42 - Red Dutch Pasta Wench - Nov 27th, 2007

    exactly :))

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  43. 43 - PacificPam - Nov 27th, 2007

    …you left me hanging

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  44. 44 - Capt’n Spahgz - Nov 27th, 2007

    welcome gentlemen to our religion (silver and gold guys)
    yes we should keep the plank
    Pirates kick arse
    what’s with the elements thing? idont get it
    RAmen

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  45. 45 - Brown Beard - Nov 27th, 2007

    ARRR!!
    RAmen

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  46. 46 - rmw - Nov 27th, 2007

    I agree with Capt’n Spaghz, we should keep the plank. Besides, everybody knows (well, Pastafarians know) that pirates were not the maurading bunch of murderers and rapists they are reported to be (according to the site, rape was a death-penalty offense). No doubt they didn’t use the plank because they had to use wood for other things, like repairing holes after greedy navies chased them down for their treasure. I’m sure if they had a plank, they simply would’ve used to jump off and go for a swim.

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  47. 47 - Pluto (Not sorry at all!) - Nov 27th, 2007

    @rmw- “No doubt they didn’t use the plank because they had to use wood for other things, like repairing holes after greedy navies chased them down for their treasure.”
    And making peg legs!

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  48. 48 - Cap’n Ollie - Nov 27th, 2007

    Right-
    .
    Platinum, Gold, silver etc. is effectively a simple reactivity series. Yeah, i know bronze is an alloy. And yeah, i know that nobody uses platinum. Shut up.
    So we should be getting Gold, Silver, Mercury, Copper, Bismuth, Antimony etc.
    SCREW THAT!
    .
    Just stick to Gold, silver and bronze please, or we gonna end up with the coments section just consisting of people listing various elements of the periodic table; and then we gonna get people making stuff up, like piratinium or noodlite.

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  49. 49 - PacificPam - Nov 27th, 2007

    I can go for noodlite!

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  50. 50 - neal - Nov 28th, 2007

    Is silver going to become Long John Silver?

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  51. 51 - One-eyed Wonderkin - Nov 28th, 2007

    The quest for medals is on-going, but futlie unless you are going to sit on the site for days. Bobby tends to be a bit random with posting things.
    .
    It is Hump Day, the second best day next to Holy Fridays, just by virtue of its name.
    .
    Plank or no plank, if you are not a pirate get off the boat!

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  52. 52 - Cap’n Ollie - Nov 28th, 2007

    Hump day?!!
    Awesome!!
    .
    well… if you have anyone TO hump…
    .
    .
    *sniff*
    .
    .
    I guess…w-well…
    .
    .
    I’ll just go…

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  53. 53 - PacificPam - Nov 28th, 2007

    @Cap’n Ollie – I’m sure there is a wench out there waiting for you…Happy Hump day!
    .
    Seriously…go look out your window!

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  54. 54 - Cap’n Ollie - Nov 28th, 2007

    …Yeah, i can’t see anyone….

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  55. 55 - PacificPam - Nov 28th, 2007

    Sorry…Maybe you made her wait too much…you know they are always in a rush

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  56. 56 - Cap’n Ollie - Nov 28th, 2007

    Damn it!!!

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  57. 57 - PacificPam - Nov 29th, 2007

    hahahah

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  58. 58 - rmw - Nov 29th, 2007

    Awww, poor Cap’n Ollie. If I had money, I would give you some to get yourself a wench. Sorry I’m broke.

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  59. 59 - Teh spag-worshipper - Nov 30th, 2007

    @Cap’n Ollie, 27th November
    Noodlite IS an element. What else would His noodly appendages be made from? Why else is it so impossible for normal noodles to compare?

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  60. 60 - Chef-Boy Ardee - Nov 30th, 2007
  61. 61 - Cap’n Ollie - Dec 1st, 2007

    Don’t worry, My ship is raiding portugal on monday-
    Portugese girls go crazy for captains.

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  62. 62 - PacificPam - Dec 1st, 2007

    whay cant I pooooooooooooost!

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  63. 63 - chris - Dec 2nd, 2007

    can i buy whatever you guys smoke please?

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  64. 64 - Jesus - Dec 18th, 2007

    YAAAARGE!!!!

    ER BE THE FLYING SPAGETTI MONSTER BE TRUE!!

    YAAAARGE!!!

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  65. 65 - Jesus - Dec 18th, 2007

    FSM 4 Lif3!

    YAAARRGE!!!

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  66. 66 - Jesus - Dec 18th, 2007

    SHUN THE NON BELIEVERS

    SHUUUUUUUUUN!!!!

    damn, they stole my kidney…YARRRRRGGGEEEEE

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  67. 67 - James D King of Pirates - Apr 1st, 2008

    I knew it, pirates never raped anyone, or they would have been killed, this proves that pirates were honorable, in most instances even more than the navy that hunted them.
    SWEET
    RAmen

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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American




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