Author and blogger John Scalzi has posted an amusing report of his visit to the Creation Museum.
Some time ago he said that he’d visit the museum, which was built near his home, on the condition that his readers donated $250, with the added incentive that any extra money would be given to Americans United for the Separation of Church and State. His readers came through and donated over $5000.
So he went, took a bunch of pictures, and posted a very thorough report.
An excerpt:
Here’s how to understand the Creation Museum:
Imagine, if you will, a load of horseshit. And we’re not talking just your average load of horseshit; no, we’re talking colossal load of horsehit. An epic load of horseshit. The kind of load of horseshit that has accreted over decades and has developed its own sort of ecosystem, from the flyblown chunks at the perimeter, down into the heated and decomposing center, generating explosive levels of methane as bacteria feast merrily on vintage, liquified crap. This is a Herculean load of horseshit, friends, the likes of which has not been seen since the days of Augeas.
You can read his entire report here.
I will help you build it!
Should I bring safety googles?
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Sorry – goggles
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@PacificPam (Butterfly)- sure why not. Anyone else want to help?
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@Ubi Dubium- You could take those poor kids to a normal museum? Kid love that stuff. Point out to them the times and ages of things and be sure to grab a guide when ever your brother in law is about to open his mouth.
Alternatively get your brother in law into snake handling and if you are lucky he will get bitten and die, then every ones a winner!
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*drowsy* :O
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Hahahahaahaha…snake handling…
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Butterfly collecting ;-)
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Should I be jealous?
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*falling into a stupor*
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No Pam my love. Only one butterfly I want to get my hands on.
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I’ve been to this “museum” myself… Kind of a long story, but at some part in my life (a few weeks ago) I was temporarily inmate of a christian private school in kentucky…
I agree 100% that creation crap was the biggest pile of horseshit I’ve ever seen.
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@rmw – It’s been years since I last visited our museum; and over time, that has certainly grown, and changed. But, I believe the wonderful collection of fossils – including some dinosaurs, and other items from both the Morrison strata and the area around Dinosaur National Monument remain a feature. (Dinosaur National was a real blast itself; though the raft ride on the river was more fun.)
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Anyway, I have a friend who works at the museum here. He tells me that we have something of a local phenomonon, in the way of one of the “Creation Science” funnymentalcases, Seems as if this one checks the museum schedule for school field trips; and then comes in at the point where one of the docents is presenting material on some of the early dioramas. At this juncture, the funnymentalcase starts his own “lecture”, contradicting the docent repeatedly,and insisting on how “wrong” the presentation being given to the youngsters is; and, of course, going on to spout the gaseous flatulence of the “Genesis theory”.
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This horse’s rear-end orfice got himself into the newspapers, when the museum tried to put him out the door as something of a “nuisance”. And of course, up rises the good old “freedom of speech” bit – which, strictly speaking, the guy has as his right. (Free speech for funnymentalcases, that is! But you had better bet that when they take over, that’ll be “corrected”!)
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Sees as if he’s also appeared at the Morrison strata site, out on I-70, during the time they have conducted tours there, as well. But, whoever handles that area seems to have managed to keep things from getting out of hand. And, outdoors as it is, there is less ability to disturb everyone in the place. But, the guy is persistent, if nothing else.
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Ah! Only in Cowlorado!
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My friend tells me they still have the guy in their hair at the museum from time to time, though some form of “compromise” was worked out; at least to keep him away from harassing the children directly. I don’t know whether he shows up from the “church” of that whacko out West, in Arvada, with the “Hell House” Halloween shtick, or actually drives up all the way from down in Colorado Springs; but, I have heard that there is talk of building another monument to horse-manure somewhere down in that area – “inspired”, I hear, by the “success” of the Kentucky venture. (Though right now, the Haggard fiasco seems to have moved future manure piles to something of a back burner in the area.)
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Ain’t funnymentalism just graaaand!?!
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@Old Grouch–I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the Dobsonites decided to build their own museum. From their point of view, why shouldn’t they? I mean, Focus on the Family (Dobson’s evangelical creation–google it if remotely interested) has it’s own freeway off-ramp. A museum would be the next logical step.
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Is the museum of Science and History a state institution, or is a privately funded one? If there’s any state funding, then uber-religious jerk does have a legal right to preach the “good word.” But, I know the museum takes in money from ticket sales and private donations. If that’s where all the money comes from, then I don’t think the First Amendment applies (it’s a private organization telling this guy to get lost, not a government one).
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@Ubi Dubium–A natural history museum is a great idea for keeping your nieces and nephews open to different points of view. The creationist museum does have brilliant marketing: if you have dinosaurs, then the kids will love it. If you go to a museum that goes with the theory of evolution (which, at this point in time, is the one that makes the most amount of sense), you can just “innocently” say “Hey, let’s go see the dinosaurs.” If a kid asks, “How long ago were there dinosaurs?” you can reply, “A really long time ago. Let’s see what the signs say.” Exposing them to different theories on the sly (and hopefully without causing family acrimony).
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@Pluto–dude, I love the idea of a theme park. Although, considering we’re spread out over the world, we might want to consider the Disney model, and build several parks over several years in several countries. Though maybe not a mascot walking around…they’re just kind of creepy.
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But what could possibly be creepy about someone in a giant fsm costume walking around, touching people with noodles…
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Ha, ha! Those christians are just crazy. There is not even any pasta mentioned in the bible ANYWHERE. No really. Not one mention!!!
What do they think god is like made of rice or something?!
Crazy!!
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Haha, from the sound of it the Creation Museum might be a fun place to visit, for a few laughs.
RAmen
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Did anyone notice the piracy reference?
No? Well have a look at the photo tour and in particular this one
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2069/1969980818_46bc049e9c.jpg?v=0
Yes! Set sail on the seven Cs! All aboard the Golden Beaver!
Note the use of the apostrophe in the photograph! I don’t know if it’s just me or do fundies really have a thing about the misuse of this punctuation mark?
CC
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Just remember to breathe Pixel, you wouldn’t want to pass out around people who really believe in creationism, they might think you’re posessed and try to exorcise you.
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That would be fun, exorcism!
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@ Jennyanydots- “But what could possibly be creepy about someone in a giant fsm costume walking around, touching people with noodles…”
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Welllll, pretty much what you just said. Yes that might be a little creepy.
I was thinking of buying the old Mole Men costumes from “Saul of the Mole Men”, they are scary but cool too!
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I’m considering buying a failing fun fair/theme park and doing it up. If we all chipped in we could make it happen.
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@ rmw- I googled your man Dobson and got this
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/02/AR2007030201442.html
Evangelical Angers Peers With Call for Action on Global Warming
“Focus on the Family founder James C. Dobson and other conservative Christian leaders are calling for the National Association of Evangelicals to silence or fire an official who has urged evangelicals to take global warming seriously…
Cizik has been a leader in efforts to broaden evangelicals’ political agenda beyond abortion and same-sex marriage. He says Christians have a biblical imperative to protect the environment, which he calls “creation care.””
If we are lucky they will wage holy war. Then they and all their little followers could kill each other off!
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“The NAE’s board is scheduled to meet next week in Minnesota. Its former president, the Rev. Ted Haggard, resigned in November after a scandal involving sex and drugs.
His successor, the Rev. Leith Anderson, defended Cizik as “a great asset.” He also said that the Dobson letter was released to the news media before it was received by the board. “I guess that says it all,” he said.”
Do you think Anderson is pissed off with Dobson for crying to the press like a little baby?
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Thanks CC. Just one question – are they using the word “consummation” in a different way to the rest of us, or are they finally coming round to the stripper heaven idea
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@ Pluto – would have sounded even worse if I’d written what I was originally intending, i.e. noodly appendages rather than noodles
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I want rollercoasters!
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Non-fat milk doesn’t taste right…
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@Pluto–yeah, I love how they pick and chose their moral issues. Although frankly, if these morons stay out of the global warming debate, that’s probably a good thing. No doubt they would criticize the fact that the lack of pirates is the main cause, since their version of pirates doesn’t exactly “jive” with their beliefs.
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Anyway, happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it. :-) I’m off and won’t be back til Friday.
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@rmw – When I was a boy – some 7 decades ago – the Museum was Denver’s pride and joy, basically tax supported. Over the years, it developed a number of fund raising approaches – including the old Brico Synphony in the auditorium added on at the East, and the planetarium – currently the sort of “super-screen” movie area as well – which did charge admission, and were “renters”. (Of course, back then, even the Zoo was free down in the Park.) Nowadays, I’m not really certain how much of the Museum is still a City operation and how much is privately funded – admission charges not, in and of themselves, establishing “private ownership”, since almost every civic entity in Colorado has had to do something to keep itself afloat with Burceism’s anti-tax TABOR Amendment in place.
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It may very well be Dobson and his claque that will provide the funding – as well as much of the force behind – a horse-manure temple down there. The man seems to be becoming even more unhinged than ever before. Certainly, that bunch is having a wonderful time gathering signatures for another State Constitutional Amendment Initiative, this one to declare the moment conception, joining of sperm and ovum – even in a Petri dish – a “person”, with full “legal rights” as such in Colorado. (Along with an upswing in flatulent emissions about “killing the unborn child” when refering to abortion.) This Amendment would make a spontaneous miscarriage subject to criminal investigation, and possible criminal action against the woman carrying this “unborn child” – since, after all, it is the funnymentalcase position that women must “bear children in pain and suffering”, since that is “written in God’s Law”; and even a spontaneous miscarriage is, to them, a form of “abortion”.
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Only in Cowlorado!
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@Jennyanydots Nov 21st, 2007 at 7:13 pm
are they using the word “consummation” in a different way to the rest of us?
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Consummated if I know!
CC
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Consummation? Isn’t it sex?
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First timed it, m’dear!
CC
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Sex on the brain babe?
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Yo Codpiece! Hands off my Cool-Aid!
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What? Sex on the brain? Honey…
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Hahahahaha I always laugh a lot when you say that “hands off my Cool-Aid”.
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*confused*
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She started it! with offers of consumation and lurid solicitations.
Check for yourself!
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PacificPam (Butterfly) Nov 21st, 2007 at 7:46 pm
Consummation? Isn’t it sex?
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and hey that’s Captain Codpiece to you or there’ll be another keelhaulin’!
ArrrrrrrrAmen!
CC
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Usually, yes Pam. Which is why I thought they may have a different dictionary to the rest of us, which wouldn’t be wholly surprising.
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Actually, Codpiece, I reckon you started it, by flagging up their 7 Cs.
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the fundies started it! It’s in their god damned museum!
There’ll be no mutiny on my watch, lad!
CC
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@Captain Codpiece – No you lose your rank if you hit on my woman.
That’s right! I’m a bad mama-jama who loves his lady.
Now remember that or you’ll get no help stealing the Victory for your fleet!
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Any “Consummation” will be done by me! 5 time a night!
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Hey you CC! I was asking what it was cuz you guys were talking about a different meaning and I thought I was translating it wrong!
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Yes! I agree with you, darling…specially with the 5 a night thingy…heheheh
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Yeah don’t call my woman a slut! only I get to do that.
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?
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*plop*
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Sorry Pam – your original translation was absolutely fine, and I apologise for causing the confusion. It just seemed an odd thing for the fundies to promote…
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Hey you? Pam, Pluto, Jenny, I now feel ganged up on and that just ain’t right! I never even noticed the consummation part of the 7 Cs board until Jenny pointed it out. I thought my reply to her question about it’s meaning was quite (admittedly not very) witty. When Pam asked for further clarification she also profered an interpretation of her own, which I praised for it’s astueness. Now enters Pluto with some hip-hop jive about Cool-Aid, tone verging on the abusive. I thought that re-interpreting Pam’s post might make light of the situation, but no! On top of that Jenny jumps in by saying that I started it. Well I don’t know if this is perhaps me over-reacting but I wonder if role playing pirates as a religion as suddenly become over rated. answers on a post card please!
Last call of duty for a retiring sea faring man.
CC
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Lots of us were actually brought up by religious wackos. While my parents themselves weren’t religious nutjobs, my grandparents tried their best to force me into being a good xian. I took a huge dump in the middle of being christened, and got promptly kicked out of every Sunday school I ever attended, usually for asking one simply question: Why?
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If the kids are smart, very little to no guidance is needed to lead them to sane logical thought. They will eventually find it on their own. My best friend, who led me to the great FSM, Sauce Be Upon Him, was raised strictest dumbest Catholic, yet she is one of the smartest most reasonable people I know, other that the rabid atheism, although I think she may soften in her dotage =) Not that I blame her! I’ve been to the Catholics in my grandaprents’ attempt to find Any church capable of “dealing” with me.
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A pagan soul is just a pagan soul, and there’s nothing a fundie can do to ruin it! So no real worries, all I’d suggest is whispering names like Asimov, Bradbury, and Heinlein at the appropriate ages. Don’t forget Piers Anthony and Tolkien too, gotta give them the purely fun stuff too. Kids are Very good at finding out Things Their Parents Don’t Want Them to Know, and it’s getting easier than ever with computers getting more complicated every 5 minutes and kids being born with them in their hot little hands… My oldest could close out a program before he could crawl. That scares the hell out of me.
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Oi, CC – of course I was going to say you started it. Otherwise someone would have pointed out it was clearly my fault!
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@Pluto
Can I suggest you get a testosterone level check. you’re getting a bit XYY in case you hadn’t noticed!
CC
(Parting shot across the bow.)
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Oh, and by the way – had no intention of making anyone feel bad, but wasd worrying I might have caused problems for Pam. You just got caught in me trying to make things easier for her, and please don’t go because of me.
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Thanks for that Jenny.
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Jenny, actually I feel like we’re all trespassing on the 2P’s private e mail when ever I post these days.
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@Captain Codpiece-
“Well I don’t know if this is perhaps me over-reacting but I wonder if role playing pirates as a religion as suddenly become over rated. answers on a post card please!”
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HAHAHAHAHA Sorry dude my lady love’s it when I act the bad arse.
Your ok with me mate, I thought the Hip-Hop Jive bit would have been a give away.
I’m as white as they come, mate! I don’t take it seriously dude, chill.
I’m not some jealous idiot, but apparently I’m good at winding you up.
I thought a pirate would give better than that! Hahahaha
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@Pam- Still love your bad boy?
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Oh, come on CC…they are just joking around…you know we are not serious people…You have always had good sense of humour.
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