lots of questions

Published October 7th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

-not really hatemail or criticism, more like skepticism, but I didn’t know where to put this -

1.how could the FSM create the earth when earth made noodles?

2.rice came before noodles, and rice didn’t come before earth was there.

3.how can FSM fly?

4.how can FSM stay clumped together?

5.meatballs weren’t around before rice, rice was before meat balls. again, how does he have meatballs on/near FSM if earth created meatballs?

6.if the meat balls aren’t touching FSM, how do they float?

7.on a drawing it says FSM created midgets before people of average hight, is that how it worked?(possibly, i am not one to comprehend stories/pics of all those worshipped)

8.on the “proof” page, it just has scientists saying that if you believe evolution, you should worship FSM, you probably made those.How can i tell? well no scientist would ever say we evolved from a giant spaggeti(once again, pardon my mispelling) clump that can/could fly after all the evidence we found of our ancient ansestors.

9. on the “about” page, you said something like,”everyone can agree my god has bigger balls than yours.” You must not take this seriously.

just a few questions and facts. don’t answer any with,”i don’t know”,”he just can”,”magic”,”miracle” or anything like that, period.



126 Responses to “lots of questions”

1 2 3 16
  1. Wench Cyka says:

    hey cmon, anything this funny has to be true!

  2. Wench Cyka says:

    MY VIRGIN GOLD WOOHOO!!!!
    sorry for typing like a fundie, I’ll be normal now, just got a little excited, hehe

  3. Wench Cyka says:

    Well, the whole premise of your questions is flawed. you are trying to do that whole “prove your god exists” thing, which some of the more papered among us might do, tongue in cheek, but that’s not something that is possible. the whole idea behind the FSM is to have a bit of fun, and to prevent idiotic religious theory from being taught as science. If you step outside the box of Christianity and examine it from the outside perspective, the FSM seems very logical and a much more likely scenario. First, being all-powerful and all-knowing, any god can pretty much do whatever he feels like. Second, the whole idea that spaghetti had to be the first thing on earth for that to be the form of god is just silly; not even Christians think anything that ridiculous. They think their god created man in his image, but after he practiced on animals, kinda like scientists, hmm. I happen to think this is a very egotistical way to view man, “We’re so great, God made us in his image!” Instead, we simply believe that our god decided to take the form of a yummy delicious and filling meal. It just took him a while after creating everything to sober up enough to teach us how to make said meal in his image, for proper worship. As for the first people being midgets, hey that one IS provable. People have been steadily growing taller each century, just go to the Smithsonian or do a little online research! Hope I was somewhat helpful.

  4. Mariner says:

    Congratz on the *Virgin* Gold
    ~
    1.how could the FSM create the earth when earth made noodles?
    I thought people made noodles, not the earth
    ~
    2.rice came before noodles, and rice didn’t come before earth was there.
    So the way things happened was Earth,Rice then Noodles? The FSM has been known to mess with history, you only *think* rice came before noodles.
    ~
    3.how can FSM fly?
    Would you prefer to call Him the WSM, the Walking Spaghetti Monster? He flies because that is what Omnipotent beings do, they float, fly do whatever they damn well please.
    ~
    4.how can FSM stay clumped together?
    He holds Himself together with His wet noodles. Have you ever had spaghetti that didn’t clump together at some point?
    ~
    5.meatballs weren’t around before rice, rice was before meat balls. again, how does he have meatballs on/near FSM if earth created meatballs?
    I point you to my answer for #2.
    ~
    6.if the meat balls aren’t touching FSM, how do they float?
    Just because you don’t see them touching doesn’t mean they aren’t. Perhaps he has a hold of them from the back.
    ~
    7.on a drawing it says FSM created midgets before people of average hight, is that how it worked?(possibly, i am not one to comprehend stories/pics of all those worshipped)
    He created a midget because the earth has no gravity. He held down the midget with His Noodly Appendage so that he would not float away. After more people started to populate the Earth, He couldn’t hold everyone down at the same time so people started to grow taller.
    ~
    8.on the “proof” page, it just has scientists saying that if you believe evolution, you should worship FSM, you probably made those.How can i tell? well no scientist would ever say we evolved from a giant spaggeti(once again, pardon my mispelling) clump that can/could fly after all the evidence we found of our ancient ansestors.
    Again I point you to the answer for #2, with Him messing with history.
    ~
    9. on the “about” page, you said something like,”everyone can agree my god has bigger balls than yours.” You must not take this seriously.
    Have YOU seen a god with bigger balls that Our God? We can make claims based on what we know, just like every other religion (the so called *established* ones that is) do. And why can’t we take it seriously? All the fraud religions (not Ours, it is the One True Religion) takes themselves seriously so why can’t we?
    ~
    ~
    Hope that helps clear up a few things for you.
    RAmen

  5. St John the Blasphemist says:

    1. The FSM only takes the form of noodles. Like when Monkey meets Buddha and says “I always thought you was a fellah!” and Buddha says “I can take any form I wish.” Also, the creation of noodles came about via inspiration of the FSM, just like Michaelangelo made sculptures of already existing things.
    .
    2. See answer 1.
    .
    3. The same way the horses in the book of Revelations can fly.
    .
    4. How come you don’t ask the same question about cellular organisms?
    .
    5. See answer 2.
    .
    6. See answer 3.
    .
    7. Yes.
    .
    8. The “proof” page names the people who made the statements. Go to their respective university websites, look them up, and send them an email asking if they made the statements.
    .
    9. Yes we do.

  6. St John the Blasphemist says:

    Oh yeah–forgot:

    St John the Blasphemist
    Saint of Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions

  7. St John the Blasphemist says:

    Oh, and answer 4. should read “How come you don’t ask the same question about multi-cellular organisms?” (even though cellular organisms still apply, since they have a molecular structure anyway)
    .
    St John the Blasphemist
    Saint of Corrections

  8. B☠☠ty says:

    We don’t have to explain ourselves to you!
    How dare you question our beliefs!
    Stay strong fellow believers – we will be reunited at the beer volcanoes and stripper factories!!

1 2 3 16

Leave a Reply