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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
Misc.
Here’s a good one:
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“Little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car passing the playground and going into the woods.
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Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.
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Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.
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“MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND….”
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Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.
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So Johnny tells her. “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy….”
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At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”
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At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story.
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He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, “Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”
The US Mint announced today that it is recalling all of the Arkansas quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.
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This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters willnot work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, orany other coin operated devices.
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The problem lies in the unique design of the Arkansas quarter, which was
designed by a team of Ozark specialists.
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Apparently the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together
keeps jamming up the machines.
Toward the end of church service, the Minister asked the congregation,
“How many of you have forgiven your enemies? All held up their hands
except one small elderly lady.
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“Mrs.. Clark? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies”? “I don’t have any”, she replied, smiling sweetly.
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“Mrs.. Clark, that is very unusual… may I ask how old you are”?.
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“Ninety-eight”, she replied.
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“Oh Mrs.. Clark, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a
person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world”?.
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The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and said:
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“I outlived the bitches”.
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place.
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The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
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A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
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“I feel terrible,” he explained, “I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?”
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The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
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Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!
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The man was astonished. He said to the woman, “What in heaven’s name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?” The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: “Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.”
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Look, I’m sorry, alright, but having complained about unseasonal xmas jokes, I thought I ought to contribute a few even less relevant.
hahahahahaahahahahaahaha
I started this Xmas bit cos the adverts for it start in September these days.
I love the horns on Adam!
Um…there is no such thing as morron or moran. It’s moron, morons!
There are , however, morrains. And just as you can have a terminal morrain, you can, quite evidently, have a terminal moron.
Phew, it took me about a week to catch up on the whole thread, great work. Took me through quite a few boring hours in work.
OK, here another Joke, hope I haven’t missed it in all the posts.
Two statues, a man and a woman, stand in a park for ages. Then one night at midnight it happenes: A fairy arrives, wakes them, and tells them they can do what they want for one hour.
At once the two statues dissapear behind the bushes and you see the bushes moving and hear laughter. After half an hour they come back, telling the fairy that they are finished. The fairy tells them that the time is only half gone, so they should go on, with what they were doing.
Man statue looks to woman statue and says:
“OK, but this time you hold the pigeon and I shit on it!”
That was a good one Bacule =)
Come on, this one’s gone a bit quiet. We’re so nearly at 1300 that it seems a shame to give up now.
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A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.”
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. “You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. “Well, did you see this?”
“Yes,” motioned the monkey.
“What happened?”
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
“They were drinking?” asked the officer.
The monkey shakes his head “Yes.”
“What else?” The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
“They were smoking marijuana?”
The monkey shakes his head “Yes.”
“What else?” The monkey motioned “kissing.”
“They were kissing, too?” asked the astounded officer.
The monkey shakes his head “Yes.”
“Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked.”
The monkey shakes his head “Yes.”
“What were you doing during all this?”
“Driving” motioned the monkey.
“Daddy, daddy can I go bungee-jumping?”
“no son, your life started with broken rubber, it should not end that way”.
“daddy, daddy can I go bungee-jumping?”
“no son, your life started with broken rubber, it should not end the same way.”
OK, another one:
“daddy, daddy can I go bungee-jumping?”
“no son, your life started because of a broken rubber, it should not end the same way.”
Oops, impatient me. sorry. telling it 3 times, does not make it a better joke….
Question: What has 73 balls and screws little old ladies?
Answer: Bingo.
Your a joke and my a joke should hang out some time. YOU’RE AWESOME.
with all the problems in this world why not use our lives to spread to word of the all powerful fsm?
@Brock
can my joke join the playdate?