I read your web site and I am very concerned about something. I consider myself a good Christian and I have read the Bible many times (not like some of the so-called Christians people who post to your web site and just yell and say stupid things). So I am familiar with most parts of the Bible but in no place that I have seen is there any reference to pasta or a being that resembles your flying spaghetti monster. God created man, and man created pasta, but if it was any different than that there would be a reference in the Bible. So I am worried that perhaps your religion is not based on real evidence that God wrote. Please feel free to write back to me and I will be glad to discuss this with you if you like.
God bless,
Cinta
He, it’s back? This is an old mail isn’t it?
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Umm…
Hate to break it to you, but we use a different book. http://www.amazon.com/Gospel-Flying-Spaghetti-Monster/dp/0812976568/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-4154766-0516656?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1192436807&sr=8-1
-Avatar of Reason
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Yes, avatar, our evidence is based on things written by our prophet as dictated by the FSM. Not some puny god.
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But,but,but… There is nothing there can be nothing, nothing, nothing I tell you that is not in the bible!!! GET OUT OF THAT CAR!!! There are no cars in the bible! (Slowly munches on a big bowl of Christ chex, letting her pentacle jangle loudly on the side with each yummy bite) I think I’ll go get me some Pasta next, and a Beer! RAmen!
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Wench Cyka
Practicing to be a Saguaro Cactus Tonight
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I have heard of, and of course, eaten pasta but this thing you call the ‘bible’ is a complete mystery to me. I’m assuming it’s a book as you refer to reading it ?
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“So I am worried that perhaps your religion is not based on real evidence that God wrote.”
Sorry but I think you’ll find this statment is an oxymoron.
If you don’t know what that is read a dictionary. I know god didn’t write it but give it a try anyway.
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Old.
I think this one just proves that all fundies are stuck in an eternal loop of logical paradoxes, oxymorons and fallacies.
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@ Cyka I don’t know what a Saguaro cactus is, but I’m sure you’ll make a very beautiful one.
Hate to sound cynical, but how much practice can it take?
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Saguaro cactus? Isn’t that one of the ones that get you tripping off you tits?
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God wrote the Bible? WTF?! This person is fucking delusional!
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The bible was written by a bunch of grumpy misogynistic nasty old men!!!
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Dear Cinta,
I’m sorry to have to break some bad news to you, but the holey bibble was not written by the judeo-xian god.
It was written by Eris, the goddess of discord, chaos and confusion for the express purpose of screwing with people’s heads.
To discover The Truth in all its Noodliness, read The Gospel Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster (Parmesan Be Upon Him), available from this website, and all good bookshops.
Yarrrr!
Mysturji
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Hi Red :)
Had no access for few days due to storm damage :( Monsoons have just arrived here.
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“He, it’s back? This is an old mail isn’t it?”
Either that or it’s a post off one of the threads. But yeah, sure I’ve seen a thread headed by this one. May have been bought up again just recently too. Too much to catch up on to check at the mo. Bloody phone company!!! @%*#@
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Um, I’m afraid to tell you Cinta, but the Bible was written five hundred years after Jesus supposedly died. And also, what is there to disprove that FSM made us think that pasta was invented by man, after man? You can’t disprove our religion as much as we can’t disprove yours. But FSM is our god. ANd I find that entire article incredibly rude.
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The Saguaro cactus is the one the stupid teenage boys end up trying to make out with in the desert when they decide to do something brilliant like add a hallucinogen to that dangerous coctail of hormones they already have running through their systems, vaguely shaped like a human with it’s arms in the air. Just thought I’d have some fun and be a little extra prickly tonight. I have never tripped over a breast yet. Fortunately, gravity has yet to be quite that cruel. Even sans bra, I still do not have to move a breast aside to scratch a knee. May the FSM have mercy on my body in heaven! Or one heck of a Bodice Shop!
Rar!
Wench Cyka
Currently Under Construction
No Peeking Until 10K Situps!
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His Noodliness is described quite clearly in the Gospel. http://www.amazon.com/Gospel-Flying-Spaghetti-Monster/dp/0812976568/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-4154766-0516656?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1192436807&sr=8-1
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If god wrote the Bible why isn’t it in the first person? Or how about like ‘the Secret Diary of Adrian Mole’;
Saturday: Got bored today so I created man. He got bored so I created woman. They got bored with each other so I created Divorce courts.
Sunday: Had big zit on my nose, so I spent the day in bed playing Tekken and having the occasional one off the wrist.
Note to self: On Monday must create porn!
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March 25th 1 BC.
Mary finally put out! Haven’t created condoms yet and now have a strange rash! Hope nothing else bad comes of it?
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@ Wench Cyka- Give it time.
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@ Pluto
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
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It’s the same as this one, posted May the 5th of this year:
http://www.venganza.org/2007/05/13/i-am-very-concerned-about-something.htm
The original had some ASCII trouble, it seems: the replica reads more easily.
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@ Wench Cyka
Modern medicine can work wonders these days. When the time comes just empty 2 big syringes of Bo-Tox in the twins and no one will ever know. If you do this keep your boobs away from naked flames! They’d be as crispy as a KFC before you knew what hit you.
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I like what use guys do but most of the time, you just bring up crap. You love to make comments on people’s hate mail, fair enough its their fault for caring about your pitiful cult. No matter I am sure that your Spag monster will satisfy your pitiful sad lives.
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God did not write the Bible. Men did.
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“So I am worried that perhaps your religion is not based on real evidence that God wrote” So you believe in centaurs and dragons and unicorns then.
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@Reflector Oct 15th, 2007 at 5:14 am: “…No matter I am sure that your Spag monster will satisfy your pitiful sad lives.”
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Help! This concerned poster saw right through my disguise, and now everybody knows I’m leading a miserable life! Quick, some grog. Or rum. Or chocolate!
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Your a sad sad person jean. I like it though how you like to invest your time in this…. What do you call this again?
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“God created man, and man created pasta, but if it was any different than that there would be a reference in the Bible.”
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There is no reference in the Bible to either man creating pasta, or pasta in general. Does this mean that pasta doesn’t really exist?
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St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Logical Dilemmas
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@Reflector
I would call it a rainy day activity, what I do instead of a fag brake at work.
It’s actually a parody religion, but you display the normal ignorance we get from hate mailers who can’t be asked to read the ‘about’ section of the site.
It might be an idea to actually know what you’re talking about before commenting on something. That way you don’t look stupid.
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I have read Greek Mythology many times, and it concerns me there is no mention of this “God” you speak of. If your God was a god, I would figure it would have been mentioned in the official Roman list of Gods and Goddesses.
You are not mentioned in the Bible, and that is how we know you are actually real.
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Your Bible(pronounced with a short “i” for comedic effect) is merely yet another souped up book of astrology myths, of course it would make no mention of the one, real, Noodly Creator. They put this “god” character in their as a place keeper because they did not yet know the the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It’s not even a particularly good astrology book; too much fluff. Greek tales are far more reliable. WE, however, refer to a more accurate, spiritual gospel.
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Hey, I am also concerned about something…
How did Noah managed to put all those animals in a boat?
How was the son of Adam (the one that killed his brother) judged by other people if they were the only people on earth?
Where are the dinosaurs in the bible?
What happened to Jebus between the age of 13 and 33?
Who drank my beer at the bar?
Where did I leave my condoms?
Did I take my anti-baby pills this morning?
For the lobe Einstein! I am concerned today
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@PacificPam- Here’s my feeble attempt at an answer, I’ll use the christen method.
Q. How did Noah managed to put all those animals in a boat?
A. Don’t question god or the Bible, or you will burn in eternal hell fire!!!
Q. How was the son of Adam (the one that killed his brother) judged by other people if they were the only people on earth?
A. Don’t question god or the Bible, or you will burn in eternal hell fire!!!
Q. Where are the dinosaurs in the bible?
A. Don’t question god or the Bible, or you will burn in eternal hell fire!!!
Q. What happened to Jebus between the age of 13 and 33?
A. Don’t question god or the Bible, or you will burn in eternal hell fire!!!
Q. Who drank my beer at the bar?
A. Satan! Don’t question god or the Bible, or you will burn in eternal hell fire!!!
Where did I leave my condoms?
A. As stated by the Catholic Church: God dose not approve of contraception. As he is the creator of everything and totally infallible, contraceptives can’t exist! Don’t question god or the Bible, or you will burn in eternal hell fire!!!
Q. Did I take my anti-baby pills this morning?
A. As stated by the Catholic Church: God dose not approve of contraception. As he is the creator of everything and totally infallible, contraceptives can’t exist! Don’t question god or the Bible, or you will burn in eternal hell fire!!!
Q. For the lobe Einstein! I am concerned today
A. Only if you feel the Lords Love. If not you will burn in eternal hell fire!!!
Hope that clarified things for you.
P.S Don’t question god or the Bible, or you will burn in eternal hell fire!!!
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Hey! I wanna take a crack at the Jebus one! He went to Tibet and learned some magic tricks!
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@ Pacific Pam
(belch)
there was some funny guy in a robe who came in by talking about how everybody needed to get a glass of water for his next act…
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@ Jean Bart
(grumble) *passes a bar of seriously dark chocolate over*
Be careful with that now, it’s only for hardened chocoholics in anything but the smallest of nibbles!
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@ Pacific Pam – “Hey, I am also concerned about something…
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1. How did Noah managed to put all those animals in a boat? This is such an easy answer, I’m surprised you even have to ask. They started with the oliphants…they ate the rhinos, the rhinos ate the lions, the lions ate the zebras, the zebras ate the koala bears etc. Then when the floods abated, everyone reguritated their inmates. The the boat captain, sailed around the world and returned all the South American tree frogs to South America, the kangaroos back to Australia etc. (Even though, those places hadn’t even been discovered yet. Ain’t god good!
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2. How was the son of Adam (the one that killed his brother) judged by other people if they were the only people on earth? Wow, another easy one. The bible fails to clarify it because it doesn’t want to associate itself with the lower riff-raff of the trailer park world. God actually created Melvin and Edna first, but they were kinda like the red-necks of the human race and he decided to try again until he got it right. He gave each the nod to get the hell out of Kansas…I mean Eden, until he got it right. So when you see that Adam was the first dude created it really means the first one that god got right. So when Cain ran away to the land of Nod…
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3. Where are the dinosaurs in the bible? Inside the animials on the Ark…how do you think they last the whole year without food? Someone had to die.
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4. What happened to Jebus between the age of 13 and 33? Lets just say he was pretty busy between 25 and 32 trying to work spells to remove all the hair from his palms. Nudge, nudge, say no more…
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5. Who drank my beer at the bar? Shit, was that your grog…sorry.
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6. Where did I leave my condoms? Condoms, why you blasphemous wench, don’t you know that every sperm is sacred? Next thing you know you will be taking birth control pills!
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7. Did I take my anti-baby pills this morning? See what did I tell you! May you burn in eternal hell fire for eternity. The job of every woman on earth is to bring forth more miniature fundies so they can be raised up to be all growed up fundies, who can then go out and multiply and write more hate mail. (Whoops, did I say multiply? Based on some of the posts, maybe they should start out with easy addition and subtraction first.)
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@Pluto – sorry but it is driving me crazy. Dose means a dose of medicine or a dose of the clap. Does is the word you are looking for.
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Iron Bess – I understand that you are a hardened atheist.
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The Bible literalist has to be the worst representative of the over all christian religion. I look at the stories of Jesus in the Bible. These stories are examples to be used as a guide in life. It is an old document, but don’t kill people, don’t steal, love each other, and many other core teachings still hold true.
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“real evidence that God wrote”
um yeah isnt the bible supposed to be an account of things that happened and God’s words all recorded by man? so even if we assume(danger!) that there is a God in the Christian sense, the person/people that wrote the bible could have gotten it wrong, right?
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@Celosia – The Bible is a documentation of an old oral history. Whisper down the lane does apply. Just another reason not to be a literalist.
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@Christ4all – So if you don’t take the bible literally, why do you use it at all? Who says which parts of the bible are right or wrong? In your religion and your world, who gets to choose? You or some pulpit spewing bureaucrat?
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Mankind doesn’t need another fairy tale to guide it. When I was a child my mother told me not to lie, to play nice and not to run with scissors. Just because the scissor thing isn’t in the bible, is it any less wrong then the others?
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My point, is that a lot of practical and life enhancing advise and values have come from other sources that were never written in any so-called holy book(s) but have been adopted by people as valuable to their every day existence. Don’t step in front of a moving bus. Don’t play Russian roulette. Brush your teeth every day. So why in the world would we need a bible to tell us how to live life properly? Not only that, but a book which cannot be taken literally, even by believers. A book that is archaic, a book which is contradictory and a book which is has some pretty horrendous (and might I add, god approved) murders and tortures.
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When I was in school and we were taking math, our textbooks actually were written with the idea that all of the information would be and was useful. So when talking about the bible, why would you write a book, which is meant to be the guideline for all of mankind, in such a bizarre, ambiguous, and peculiar way? If it was extremely important for your god = sky fairy that all people follow only his teachings, wouldn’t you think (s)he would make it crystal clear, believable and filled with such proofs that only an idiot would argue against it?
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If your sky fairy wants to win the battle against satan and his minions, wouldn’t he actually try? Because even lowly little me, while working as a paramedic and taking care of pedofiles, crack addicts or murderers, made sure that I did not make the suffering of the individual worse.
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Your bible, almost guarantees that there will be vast numbers of people who will question it, who will not believe in it. and in fact. will try to ensure that their children do not get sucked into it. Thus allowing millions of people to suffer unbearably in your lake of fire and torture forever and ever amen.
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@Iron Bess- Sorry I’m too dependant on my spell checker.
I am a drunken dyslexic so pleas don’t mock my beliefs.
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Do not question Pluto or his shitty spelling or you burn in eternal hell fire!!!
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@Christ4All-sorry mate, but all that shit in the Old Testament and all the shit done since Jesus cancel out the work of a single pacifist. Plus he did throw a temper tantrum in a temple if I recall.
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@Iron Bess & Christ4All-
I’ve herd the argument that parts of the bible should not be taken literally! But, as Bess pointed out, who decides which bits are symbolic and which are real. Couldn’t God (the first time I ever wrote that with a capital G) just be a metaphor for manes struggle to find himself? More likely it was written by people who wanted to explain the world but couldn’t so use the nearest comparison: they could create things so someone bigger created the bigger things. Religion may be the opium of the masses but it started as the science of the ignorant and to me that’s all it will ever be. A debunked theory.
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Iron Bess – I agree that not all people who profess to be “called by God” are in fact called.
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To be honest with you Iron Bess, I choose. I look at what is written and try an interpert a message or moral of the story. My general impression of the New Testament is that we should love each other and try to live in peace.
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The Old Testament was basically lifted from the Jews. I don’t speak hebrew, so I am not sure how closely it was translated.
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I do not profess to know God’s plan. I do not know why God has not more public about things. The FSM has not exactly been appearing, either.
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Iron Bess – the Gospel of the FSM falls into the same category. I had to ask the attendant where is was because I could not find it. Your book is in the humor section. I think that is unfair.
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@Pluto – the moral to the trashing of the temple is that everyone has a breaking point. You recognize when it is time to leave and let something go.
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Hey christ4all, if all christianity is all about is “but don’t kill people, don’t steal, love each other” then why bother picking fights with people that agree with that. Most Atheists/Agnostics have very similar ethics and I’m sure that if you read the “eight I’d Really Rather You Didn’t s”, you would agree that Pastafarianism isn’t all that different either.
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@crist4all – I agree with Pluto. Religion, faith and a belief in magical invisible dieties has seen its day. In today’s world, where science can explain a lot of phenomena which ancient man could not, it becomes evident that ALL religious teachings should be regulated to the Humour Section, or at the very least, Mythology.
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Religion is an organized group of deluded individuals. The only people who actually have it right are the televangelists and scientologists. Obviously they could give a rat’s ass about religion, they are out to exploit the masses for the money.
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The only thing that religion is all about, and ever was about, is control. I can imagine what the first individual to realize the power that the hocus pocus of religion did for him/her was almost overwhelming. Control and power over the masses…euphoria! Give me your best food, your money, your livestock, your land, your women and I will give you my blessing so when you die you will continue to live and be happy ever after. It is the greatest of all scams. No one can ever come back from the dead and tell the people the truth. I think we call it the best of all the Matchstick Mens swindles.
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Dear Cinta,
…
Yes, I must stress the ellipses!
That email is going to make me cry. Never before have I seen someone who completely missed the point more. Sorry if our non-christian religion isn’t supported by your religious documentation, maybe you should get the sequel to the bible, the one called “Alright, the Bible was fiction but I can see that none of you understood that…”
RAmen
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@christ4all
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If all you’re taking from the Bible is the peace and such, why not ditch it for a text with similar values, but none of the horrendous violence or blatant contradictions? Try Buddhism.
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Now that you are clearing up some concerns…I have one more…
Does Christ4all knows that this site is about satire?
Has Christ4all read the letter?
Where are my tampons?
dammit!
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I meant a few more…no, actually I meant one more and then realized that I had more that one concern and I forgot to rewrite that part.
May the noodly one touch you where you like the most!
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@PP – ???
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