Im not writing this to criticze you, Im here to warn you, PLEAE DO NOT MOCK MY GOD. I have read some of the content that you have posted and to the simple minded and none believers you make a few key points. However, to believers like myself I can only ask for forgiveness on your behalf because you don’t know what your doing and I pray for your enlightenment. After running across a conversation with a co-worker I decided to visit your website, and I was immediately saddened. I just want you know that Im not successful by chance, I was supposed to be dead along time ago, sleeping in my grave, but my father heard this Sinner’s Prayer and by faith I am here today, faith in my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. Although, I have never seen him, I can feel him all around me, in everything I do, NO ONE can tell me he does not exist. Thru personal experiences that I couldn’t have made out of by myself, I was the victor. Im not sure if your doing this for kicks or what, to each its own. Whether this is just a publicity stunt, true belief, or what have you, I just want you to know that My father lives and in his house are many mansions…….May God Bless you and Keep you……..
They are worthless, a work of mockery; In the time of their punishment they will perish. Jeremiah 51:18
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~MS. KESHA~
Ft. Myers, FL
@One-eyed Wonderkin-You sly old cad
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Hey – I resemble that remark!
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@Homo narrans
“Arizona, home of one of the world’s nastier species of scorpion. I love venomous wildlife…”…you must be kidding…my blue ringed octopus would beat your scorpion in a fight any day and twice on Sunday…scorpion…sheeesh…don’t get me started on the drop bear…
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Thumper don’t be dense. A blue ringed octopus would fry in the desert. Calamari anyone?
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I hear that scorpion love rabbit. Thinking of sacraficing yourself for the good of insect kind?
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* looks around CoFSM *
Oops. Not much chance of that.
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People do that a lot and it doesn’t have any measurable affect.
Isn’t it ironic that the total failure of their prayers to have any affect lends further support the case that their God doesn’t exist and so reinforces our disbelief.
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This is another example of how xians are martyrs to their own stupidity.
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Tee Hee. & RAmen.
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@All Wenches & Pirates
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Anyone fancy posting this as a prayer request on Itpog?
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Dear God, almighty, all-powerful, all-loving creator of the universe, we pray to you to cure every case of cancer on this planet tonight. We pray in faith, knowing you will bless us as you describe in Matthew 7:7, Matthew 17:20, Matthew 21:21, Mark 11:24, John 14:12-14, Matthew 18:19 and James 5:15-16. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.
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Found it on godisimaginary.com/i1.htm
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grow up your a pansy for posting this and what does it mean i am the victor is your name victor? dont mock my god.. dude its a fun webite GET OVER IT
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I just realized that Calamari is squid not octopus! (Splat plam to fore head).
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I have never seen him, I can feel him all around me, in everything I do, NO ONE can tell me he does not exist.
My dear. This is exactly what the purpose of the fsm is all about. May his noodly appendage touch you.
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@Thumper ™ Oct 4th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
“sheeesh…don’t get me started on the drop bear…”
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…..or the Bunyip :p
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From my area, I can put up some Taipan snakes and a zillion cane toads.
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not to be offensive towards anyone, but this whole praying thing… it’s simply supposebly working cuz of law of attraction want to have real enlightment? Go to freewebs.com/awsumnessanity and you’ll find that we are all right and you should be allowed to worship freely!
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bleckh bleckh bleckh! Ok Thumper, you actually Win this round! I had to turn in my gas mask when I left the military, and the only smell in this world that will truly make me instantly hurl when not knocked up is any tentacled form of aquatic life! You wasqually wabbit!!! I’lll get you!!!
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Wench Nikkiee
Oct 4th, 2007 at 5:43 am
@Red Dutch
“We’ll do some poaching then, poached wabbit”
Hehehehehe….
You don’t want to go to the Big Pineapple…don’t listen to him. I think you’ll find the Gold Coast much more rewarding :p
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Oh, I’m not taking advice from a catnapping, wasqually wabbit! I’ll take yours anytime :) (despite the cane-toads and snakes)
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Wench Cyka, get in line!
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Thanks Red…..don’t worry I’ll protect ya. (:)) Famous last words :p)
Maybe if we suck up (no NOT slurp Red!) to him a bit.
Here let me try…..
Oh Thumper deerest, might I politely suggest at least removing the duct tape from the Cat’s mouth and allowing it to inform us, in it’s own words, that it is in fact un-barbequed and alive?
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“despite the cane-toads and snakes”
Why June is the perfect time to visit QLD. Snakes hybernating. Nearly no toads around and next to no bitey insects. Beautiful weather. Or from one of our ads “Beautiful one day, perfect the next”
So yeah only really the wabbit to watch out for. Oh and the Drop Bears….of course :p
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ok, I’ll ask… what in all of FSM’s drunken creation is a drop bear?
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Wench Cyka
None that have actually encountered one have lived to tell the tale. Eye witness accounts have been very conflicting and sketchy due to having seen the horror and the speed of the attack.
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http://www.geocities.com/muirnin/db.htm
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Aussies, from a young age aware of them are made aware of them. In fact parents sometimes tell tales of them to scare kids into being good. Uninformed OS backpackers however have been known to unwittingly pitch their tents under trees inhabited by one and…..well…..
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erm…*Aussies from a young age are made aware of them*
Bloody frosted reading glasses…I tell ya!!
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oooooh what are the export rules?? I want one!
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I’m sure the Aussie Govt. would be more than happy to export a few on the quiet, since according to them, they don’t really exist at all. Trouble is finding someone capable, or maybe just stupid/drunk enough to go find one.
Such is their reputation here, that most would probably just shake their head and laugh at the thought of deliberately going out to catch one.
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Dammit! Now I really really mourn the loss of Steve Irwin=(
Not only did many a fine drinking game dry up, but now I can’t get my new pet! Any other crazy Aussies out there that the Discovery Channel just hasn’t found yet?
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ok ok, yeah, even I know that was just wrong….
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“Any other crazy Aussies out there that the Discovery Channel just hasn’t found yet?”
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Hehehehehe….yeah anywhere outside a 50km (erm…bout 30 mile) radius of a township….though plenty in the towns too. Hard to distinguish the four legged wild life from the two legged kind in the more western areas of OZ. Well not just the western areas.
The area where Irwin lived when he started hunting crocs is bout 120kms south of me and bit inland…. I’m on the coast. Plenty of horseless Cowboys in QLD, as well as the other type. In fact our local footy team is the Cowboys. There motto….”save a horse ride a cowboy”.
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“Not only did many a fine drinking game dry up”
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Hahahaha….sounds interesting…do tell :))
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“ok ok, yeah, even I know that was just wrong….”
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Nah Steve would have loved it. He was actually a very intelligent man and quite different to his media persona. He always had a great sense of humour.
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@The lovely Professor Booty, ask and thou shalt recieve (except for strippers, they don’t fit in an airmail package very well…)
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FUCKWIT FINDER
***(version 2.1)***
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Again, I’m aiming for simplicity of use here folks, but due to the failure of the previous model to perform to its full capacity, the upgrade will be slightly more in-depth then the previous one.
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Alright, unlike the previous one, this is not out of ten. Rather, each category represents a range of values; you use what is appropriate to the level of fuckwitticy. (eg if he doesn’t provide a name, 1 point, if the name is capitalized, 2, references god, christianity, insults the FSM, etc, 1, if the name is alternating upper/lower case, 3 points etc)
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Poster’s Name (0-5)
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Bad Grammar (0-5)
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Bad Spelling (0-5)
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Overuse of Caps lock (0-3)
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Threats of burning in hell, divine vengeance, etc (0-4)
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Threats of physical violence, rape, etc (0-5)
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Threats of violence against the FSM (0-3)
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Lowbrow insults (0-5)
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Accusations of homosexuality (0-5)
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Spamming (0-5)
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Dismissing CotFSM as a joke or at extremes, a cult (0-3)
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Seriously referencing AiG (or similar) material (0-2)
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0-2: A Normal Person; Intelligent, reasonable, polite and respectable. High likelihood of a reasoned belief system, and serves as a credit to the human race.
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2-5: An Angry Person; While they may normally be a decent poster, they are either irritated, excited, or otherwise unfocused, allowing slightly more than the occasional slip to occur.
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5-13: A Nitwit; Likely seeking attention, may not necessarily mean to irritate, but is not aware of proper forum etiquette, and so comes across badly. With patient counselling, and the occasional application of a large blunt object, subject may be cured.
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13-20: Dimwit; Not overly violent or aggressive, but is nevertheless a troll, an inbred hillbilly, or an above average-intelligence fundamentalist. They are on the absolute edge of redeemability. With extreme electroshock, elocution & deportment lessons, and substantial severe blunt-force trauma, could be upgraded to a nitwit.
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20-25: Arsehole; From the beginning, this guy is irritating. Thankfully, he just doesn’t have much skill at it. Obviously suffering under the weight of some sort of mental baggage, be it oedipal issues, repressed memories of the bad things the priest did, or just frustrated from being unable to tie his own shoelaces at the age of twenty, he sees flaming as a legitimate excuse to vent the rage. As tedious as his posts may be, just be glad he isn’t out on the streets instead.
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25-30: Jesus Camp Attendant; Favours mindless repetition of juvenile slurs, pointless arguments and flawed logic, this guy is as thick as two short planks. Be warned, they often hunt in pairs or triplets, and can clog a thread for quite some time. Makes insults tempting. Makes violence alluring. Makes Iraq seem Not That Bad.
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30-35: Pentecostal Priest; It has to be, really. I mean, what other job fits a violent deranged racist, homophobic, semi-illiterate grandstander? On second thought, could be a Westboro Baptist, a Klansman, or the current occupants of the White House. Like his predecessor, the Shit, shotgun is the best – nay, only solution for a face to face encounter. In the virtual arena, you’ll just have to grit your teeth.
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35-40: Arseclown; Be warned, he has oars, and lots of them. He will use them at any opportunity. He does not go away easily, often returning to the site for up to a few days, and delights in such stupid things as spamming profanity, impersonating others, and claiming we are all just deranged cultists with deficient IQs. Oh the irony.
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40-45: Those That Shall Not Be Named; That’s right folks, you’ve all seen them. You’ve all known them. You’ve all hated them. They can and will shut down threads for days. Some threads still bear the scars of the great battles, against them in the past. These are the lieutenants of the great beast, It’s favoured champions.
Known only by acronyms, for fear of summoning their presence by the utterance of their name, it is for these that our valiant pirates train, sharpening their rusty cutlasses into gleaming razors of satire and wit, reinforcing their bastions of common sense with iron reason and diamond logic.
They are hard to beat, resistant to logic, wit and even shunning. However, they are not invincible.
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45-49: Mimic; They fill out the forms a little too well. Not really that bad, just find their true name and they will be defeated.
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50: The Fuckwit; The anti-cheezus, the net itself turns black and dies at his approach. Spaghetti shrivels, sauce dries. His sign is L337, his marker spam. Run and hide, for only the one true prophet may fell this beast. This is the sign of the end-times.
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Poster’s Name; 1 (Who or what is a MS? Surely it’s Ms?)
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Bad Grammar; 3 (Please learn to shorten sentences where appropriate)
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Bad Spelling; 4 (Thru? Criticze? Head?! )
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Overuse of Capslock; 2 (Annoying only)
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Threats of burning in hell, divine vengeance, etc; 4 (Our punishment will come? For what?)
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Threats of physical violence, rape etc, threats of violence against the FSM, lowbrow insults and accusations of homosexuality; All 0 (Ahh, now why couldn’t they all be this polite?)
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Spamming; 1 (I consider the bible the worst kind of junk mail)
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Dismissing CotFSM as a joke/cult; 2 (She keeps on talking about this lord guy too…)
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Seriously referencing AiG or similar material; 2 (Quoting scripture is soooo last millennia)
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Total = 19
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Dimwit I’m afraid. Crack out the beer, pasta & strippers (and a few heavy clubs), and we might just save this poor soul though.
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Enjoy :)
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Hey wenchies, how go things?
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The aether seemed a little charged last time I dropped ’round, so I didn’t say hi…
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Hi Jingles
“Seriously referencing AiG (or similar) material (0-2)”
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Only 2? Ya think? All the most rabid fundies reference AiG…still.
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I gave it a low value because, if they’re crazy enough to use it like it means anything, they’re already going to struggle enough with just passing the basic literacy requirements. In other words, they need all the help they can get.
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Just read right through FUCKWIT FINDER ***(version 2.1)***
*stands, claps and whistles*
Take a bow Jingles you’ve outdone yourself yet again!
RAmen
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“In other words, they need all the help they can get.”
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True :(
I see your point.
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Drinking games like,
every time Steve-o says Ain’t she a Beau’ie! that’s one drink
Crikey! that’s two drinks
Woooo! with his fist in the air: 3, at least
He breaks something or requires some kind of medical attention: that’s a chug the whole beer / take a shot / down your mixer
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many varieties, depending on your locale, duty station, level of drunkeness, ability to still unnerstan’ Aussie, abiliy to shtill stan… hick!
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Oh! I totally forgot! When he does something totally infrigginsane like jump in the open water with a croc 5 times his size, alone, that’s a whole round, for everyone playing, no matter how done you are, even if you have to be kicked to wake up for the round. Thank you Steve Irwin for such good times!
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Hahahahahahaha…
Excellent!
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“He breaks something or requires some kind of medical attention:”
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Gee that one would have been killer :p
Possible we have something similar here…haven’t played any myself though. Drinking nights are far and few between for me these days. Plenty of them out at uni but I live out of town so the driving is a problem. Recovery seems to take longer these days as well…not good for studying :(
I ocassionally visit the club bar at uni “just for one drink” and end up out on the town for the whole night.
So to catch up with friends there I make sure I go at lunch time if at all….safest way.
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With all those rules everyone would have been blind in the first 20mins of a show.
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I see Perth back on the map :)
You played those ones Jingles?
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I’ve just got in to work not 120min ago.
First thing I did was make a cup of coffee so strong it could kill Shaquille O’Neal, put my feet up and eat an egg, bacon and black pudding bagget (that’s right, a real man’s brekie) wile reading the posts on FSM.
Well this morning I realised something, something profound. As much as we disagree with the fundies, we need them!
Yes that’s right, we need them!
Not in a “baby I need you so bad” kind of way, but more like how the police need criminals, the army needs war or pet med companies need worms and fleas!
This little community only exists because of unreasoning, illogical, stupid, ill-informed and possibly mentally handicapped self righteous fucks.
So come on guys. Join me when I turn to people who perceive us as enemies, the Christians, the Muslims, the Hindu and the Jews (by the by what’s with you guy? Are you a race or a religion? I always have a hard time with that one) and say:
Thank you!
Thank you for being unreasoning, illogical, stupid, ill-informed and possibly mentally handicapped self righteous fucks!
Thanks for the memories!
And a great big thank you for making me feel superior, every day!
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FSM bless us! Every one!
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@Pluto Oct 5th, 2007 at 2:24 am
“Thanks for the memories!”
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And the laughs…and laughs….
RAmen
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@ Wench Nikkiee- Yes there have been a few good giggles. It’s so easy to right a good reply to hate mail. They almost write them selves.
I thought it was only right to say thanks for all the mileage we’ve gotten out of them.
I might give them a little treat and post a mirrored hate mail on one of their sites and see what the reaction is. See how they like it when we order them to take head! Personally, if that’s the price of salvation I’d rather burn than take a shot in the mouth off some old dude in a robe with a beard.
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“I might give them a little treat and post a mirrored hate mail on one of their sites and see what the reaction is. See how they like it when we order them to take head!”
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Hahahahahahahahaha….be sure to post a link when you do.
RAmen
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I’m out now Pluto so I’ll catch you later :))
Don’t work too hard on this Holy Friday.
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Fuck work lets party!
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We have a similar one… everytime Blackadder hits, abuses or belittles Baldrick, we take a drink. Never been game enough to try it with anything stronger then beer.
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Otherwise, we generally play circle of death (two packs of cards face down on the table, each card means something, etc), or coins (bounce a 20c piece into a shotty :P
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Oh well, I’m off.
Cya all around.
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Ok. I modifyed this post.
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I’m not writing this to criticize you; I’m here to warn you, PLEAE DO NOT WORSHIP A GOD. I have read some of the content that you have posted and to the simple minded and the believers you make a few key points. However, to non believers like myself I can only hope for your enlightenment because you don’t know what your doing and I whish you would except logic. After running across a conversation with a co-worker I decided to visit your website and I was immediately saddened. I just want you to know that I’m not successful by chance, I was supposed to be dead along time ago, sleeping in my grave, but a doctor saved my life when praying failed. Which is why I am here today, faith in modern medicine. Although, I have never seen evolution, I can feel it all around me, in everything I do; NO ONE can tell me it does not exist. Thru personal experiences and the teaching of grate men of science, I was the enlightened. I’m not sure if you’re doing this for sick kicks or what, to each his own. Whether this is just a publicity stunt, true belief, or what have you, I just want you to know that reason lives and in it’s house are many truths…….May logic come to you and Keep your mind clear.
“We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty Humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes” – Gene Roddenberry
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Anything I can add/change? I’m off to look for a good sight to post it on, unless anyone already knows one.
For more quotes goto http://www.chrisbeach.co.uk/viewQuotes.php
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@Jingles
“everytime Blackadder hits, abuses or belittles Baldrick, we take a drink. Never been game enough to try it with anything stronger then beer.”
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We did that with “Bill and Ted” when I was at Uni…half took a drink when someone said “Bill” and the other half when “Ted” got a mention…on air guitars everyone had to drink…boy I wish I could remember more of those years…
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@Wenchy
“…..or the Bunyip :p”…errr…Bunyips aren’t really real Wenchy…someone made them up to sell T-shirts and scare tourists…sheeesh…
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*insert muffled cat noise*
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WOW! some good sties out there
http://www.ecaeagles.org/
“Imagine your child . . .
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Growing strong in character and academics,
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Focused on God’s presence,
Le.d by caring teachers,
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Being equipped to excel . . .
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Imagine your child changing the world!
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At Evangelical Christian Academy,
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students become dream makers
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and world changers.”
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