dude fsm sucks. i mean, what’s the point in believing in a bunch of pasta with 2 meatballs. the inventor of this thing was drunk when he thought about it. beer and stripper factories in heaven, and that the bunch of pasta created the universe when he was drunk… sucks. you are all inventing things and not remembering our real Creator, God and His son Jesus and the whole Christian belief. you are throwing away Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross for some drunk bunch of pasta?. ………………………………………think well………………………………………
-gardal
dude fsm sucks
Published by Bobby Henderson July 26th, 2007 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 395 Comments
395 Responses to “dude fsm sucks”
huh?
i think plenty, fsm rocks man!!!!!
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holycow my second 1st post!!!! and second post gold and silver, a pirates favorite things
except rum
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and for the third post
gardal, you need to update your vocabsucks is not particularly offending
and what in fsm’s name is wrong with pasta and drunkkenness????
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So? When was the last time a pastafarian knocked on your door at 8am on a Saturday morning? .. ok.. so never right? so click the back button, nobody’s forcin’ our belief on you. I only hope that one day you too might be touched by one of His noodley tendrils. Arrrggg!
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Bronze!
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no bronze for you slowpoke ۞
get inline faster
we new yorkers are so pushy remember
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♫ Always believe in Bronze! ♫
♫ Blah Blah Blah ♫
♫ Bronze! ♫
♫Can’t remember the words! ♫
♫ Bronze ♫
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A new thread!!! Yayyyy!!!
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Hi ۞!
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Back in a bit…
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nice song ۞
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Yeah. the rules are you can’t claim more than one medal.
So you got Gold. Stratus42 got silver. I got bronze.
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Methinks this piece of hate mail sounds a little faked, mainly because of this statement: “what’s the point in believing in a bunch of pasta with 2 meatballs”
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oh, oops, i always thought it was by the posts not the posters aha
thanks for clearing that up
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I think slowpoke is a compliment and the wenches will agree!
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keep it G rated ۞
you never know if there are minors around ……….. lol
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I have no idea what you’re talkin about NYP.
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either you’re sarcastic or my psychic powers have decreased of late, along with brain power in general
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I know. Fly over to my place. I’ll show you what I think a slowpoke is and we’ll discuss whether we’re on the same page.
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Keep it G rated! WTF? :)) Not much chance of that NYP!!
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@ ۞ – “slowpoke” – yup, I agree! :)) Different note, have you seen this:
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http://politics.videosift.com/video/Pat-Condell-Why-Does-Faith-Deserve-Respect
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Very good stuff! 5 minutes well spent.
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@ ۞ – Did you give up the idea of a worldwide tour? Imagine my disappointment! :))
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A drunk bunch of pasta?
That’s His Noodly Appendage you’re talking about!
What do you think of an old bearded freak in a dress?
Is that a good leader?
ask yourself that.
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No. It’s still planned. Actually Mrs ۞ is away in Denmark, so I really need to get on with it.
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So NYP can you pick me up from JFK on Friday? I’ve got a few addresses to visit in the US and of course New York is the a good start…
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۞ sadly for me im in no position to fly to wherver you are
im 15 and broke so i couldnt fly even if i wanted to unless my parents put me on the plane i would however love to discuss what you think a slowpoke is
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Dude, Christianity sucks
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Dude, Christianity sucks. I mean, what’s the point in believing in a savior who wants you to drink his blood and eat his flesh? The inventor of this thing was drunk when he thought about it. Wings and halos and playing harps in heaven, and that an anthropomorphic “God” created the universe in “seven days”… sucks. You are all inventing things and not remembering our real Creator, Flying Spaghetti Monster and His prophet Bobby Henderson and the whole Pastafarian belief. You are throwing away FSM’s generous offer of beer and strippers in heaven for some cannibalistic savior? ……………………………………….think well………………………………………
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- Cap’nUberbob
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If I actually believe you were 15 I’d be embarassed right now.
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Fantastic link Rowdy:
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http://politics.videosift.com/video/Pat-Condell-Why-Does-Faith-Deserve-Respect
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I just watched it. Pat Condell is a great bloke.
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@ ۞ – Glad you liked the link! This is the first I’ve heard of him. He’s intelligent, well-spoken and well-presented.
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Looking forward to this leg of the tour! :)))
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Pat Condell does come over well. Never heard of him either.
All his thinking is sound.
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Unlike they guy that posted this hate mail.
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All praise the FSM (Parmesan Be Upon Him), who hath brought us more hate-mail that we may mock it, in our various and sundry ways.
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Yeah stogoe. Lets laugh at the hate-mailers haphazard use of capitals!
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I see the Cap’n beat me to a mirror, but I’ll just make one of my own for fun.
Dude, Jesus sucks. I mean, what’s the point in believing in a bunch of skin and bones with a lot of meat? The inventor of this thing was trying to calm everyone down when he thought about it. Angels and happiness in heaven, and that the bunch of whatever-it-is created the universe when he decided there should be light… sucks. You are all inventing things and not remembering our real creator, FSM, and His son Bobby, and the whole Pastafarian belief. You are throwing away the healthy, important food we eat every day for some guy being murdered on a t-shaped stick?
Think well,
–Icecream
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Ramen Icecream.
teaching people about crucification might encourage self harm!
Kids. Don’t nail yourself to anything no matter how trendy people try and make it sound!
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Nothing remotely relevant to post! I love Hagen Daze Vanilla ice-cream.
And yeah – self crucifixion is a no no. You just can’t get that last nail in!
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I don’t remember anything about Bobby being the FSM’s son…
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Jesus walks in to a hotel. He gives the owner three nails and says “can you put me up for the night”.
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ba-da-da-dar-dar-dar-boom.
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The old ones are the best.
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We are all the FSM’s son. Allegorically.
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I guess it take two to crucify. Sounds like a song title.
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According to the Christians you can eat Jesus. I like FSM better, no need for a cleric to bless the pasta before you eat it.
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I’ve been watching other religions and basically you can say any old load of s**t you like and somehow if you say its an allegory that makes it right.
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No I don’t see it myself. But it is accepted practice so WTF.
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VB – I think icecream is confusing the Bible and the Gospel.
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@ Symbol guy – “we are all the FSMs son”
Or daughter, hopefully.
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VB, Allegorically of course.
See how easy this is?
The Roman Catholics are as rich as Croesus with better reasoning.
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Sorry I mean NO better reasoning. Oops.
Perhaps a bit better editing…
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Night all!
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I like to SUCK that spaghetti into my mouth. So yes FSM does suck. But in a good way. Tasty.
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Bertrand Russell, Thomas Paine – so right, so white, so English. Intellectually appealing, but unsatisfying. I thought I was agnostic until I discovered FSM, Yar!
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Does anyone else find it strange that the sender of this hate-mail refused to capitalize any word that was not in any way related to Christianity? I believe that in grammar school we learn that the first letter of a sentence deserves that title as well. I would say something about it being ironic that we are accused of being founded by a drunk but that would be unnecessary and cruel.
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Hmm. Thought this was a pleasant diversion, until I read Hate-Mail. I saw Lou Reed once. When he finished playing, people were either applauding or yelling abuse. It struck me that if you are going to do anything worthwhile, this was as good a yardstick as any.
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Rejoice fellow pirates! Rejoice!
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It looks like the FSM creation story may soon be taught in Texas schools!
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Follow the link to a story about the appointment of an IDiot to head the Texas State Board of education. Yes, yellow is the new pink and Texas is the new Kansas!
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http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2007/07/its_a_texas_tradition.php
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I’m tingling all over! Soon Texas will be teaching creationism, and we all know what comes next… CoFSM in classrooms! Yaaarrr!!
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OEJ, Ship’s Navigator
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gardal, is a moron. he compares jesus’ sacrifice on the cross (a one time event) to the countless times the FSM’s noodly brethren have been eaten alive! no contest, FSM wins.
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OEJ – thanks for the link. Looks like Texas will be the new Mississippi as education goes. I wonder if there is a new government movement for no state left behind.
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No state left behind… I am moving to Canada if our national government does anything of the sort.
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Wooo hooo hooo, One Eyed Jack! BRING IT ON!!!
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“I’ve been watching other religions and basically you can say any old load of s**t you like and somehow if you say its an allegory that makes it right.”
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Alright, so here’s my allegory:
There was a goat on the mountain. He was looking for some grass, but there wasn’t any. Because he was on a mountain. And when the Mothman came, they flew to safety in a nearby gymnasium. But the goat punctured all the basketballs on his horns and they were chased away by locals bearing torches. And there still wasn’t any grass.
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Not quite “The Allegory of the Cave,” but I wasn’t paying attention that day in philosophy anyway.
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Are we supposed to interpret this allegory?
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Guess what? I googled “Dale Scerri” (the person who has been posting hate-mail comments everywhere on the website) and found out that he is none other than the very same “gardal” that sent in this wonderful letter.
This in mind, I take back what I said earlier about the letter being faked – I guess he’s just not articulate enough to sound like a real person :)
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No time to post anything really spectacular – just a Rowdy Wenchy “hi” to Cap’nUberbob long time no post! And to Ihatemyspace! Hiya folks!
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Oh, and Ihatemyspace – I’m reading Plato’s Republic right now and I think that included the Allegory of the Cave…haven’t gotten that far yet – I can’t stay awake long enough to read more than a few pages at a time! :))
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۞
Jul 26th, 2007 at 2:59 pm
We are all the FSM’s son. Allegorically.
*
I’m not, daughter perhaps, son i’m not.
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I don’t think you’re supposed to interpret religious allegories. That might lead to independent thought.
You just supposed to shut up and not ask questions.
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Good point angryyoungatheist,
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If those xians are going to go on and on and on about some block and a really nasty DIY accident or whatever happened, I’m going to nail some spaghetti to a cross and then we’ll be even.
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The FSM died for our dins.
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۞:
It actually died for our nourishment :-)
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Either way it was for our sallivation :)
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۞ writes: “The FSM died for our dins.”
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Oh, I like that! Will have to remember that one.
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OEJ
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@ ihatemyspace
That’s not an allegory. It really happened in Topeka, Kansas.
The goat, of course, refers to Satan (or “Old Horny!”).
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Anyway … Satan was out walking one day, I think it was a Tuesday. Could have been Wednesday now I think about it … I digress. So, Old Nick is out walking on the hills (things get exaggerated in allegory) looking to score some weed. He met his mate “Mothman” (or Eric to his mother) and they went to the local school ‘cos that’s where all the dealers would be.
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They go to the gym to meet the notorious “Towelie”. Alas, Towelie had got lost in the bathroom and smoked all the weed. In a fit of rage Old Nick and Eric started bursting Basketballs.
Unfortunately for Eric and Satan, the noise attracted the attention of a passing patrol of pentecostals.
They naturally assumed the noise, coming from a boys gymnasium, was that of rampant man sex and attempted to burn the sins away.
Honest!
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۞ Jul 26th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
“You just supposed to shut up and not ask questions.”
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Swallow?
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Shit! where did all these people come from :)
Helloooo OEJ Alchemist
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Alchemist
“Unfortunately for Eric and Satan, the noise attracted the attention of a passing patrol of pentecostals.”
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Pentacostals or Testacosticals?
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Hi Nikkiee. A swallow? I thought it was a swift?
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Probably :)
Sorry, been at an auto wrecking yard all arvo :)))
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Hahaha…you guys have me in a habit of double innuendos :) Was enthusing about CoFSM to one of Vietnam Vets that lives on site there, (asked owner once why he had no guard dog….he says “don’t need one…have these vets living on site” :), and amazed how many have vaguely heard of IDiot/YEC saga. Gave me warm feeling inside :))
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Billie was a mountain! Ethel was a tree growing on Billie’s shoulder! Moral of the story?
Don’t fuck with Billie and don’t fuck with Ethel!!!
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You started it Wench Nikkiee.
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Happy Friday.
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How about a short song to get the day going.
Ta Ra Ra Boom De A
Did you get yours today?
I got mine yesteday,
That is why I walk this way.
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This song reflects the smile on my face.
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One-eyed Wonderkin Jul 27th, 2007 at 5:08 am
“You started it Wench Nikkiee.”
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:)))))))))))))))))…….:))))))))))))))))))
I’ve done my good deed for the day then? ;)
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Another reason I took so comfortably to CoFSM….”Friday is my day” always forever one of my catch cries :)) Versatile though (;))
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I suggest that you go get some grog and a stripper to reward yourself. :)
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OEW
“How about a short song to get the day going.”
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:))) Following you from the front…it’s time to go to bed here on Friday :p)))
My from the future prediction is……..”Friday is an excellent day”…BUT…it’s also closer to Monday! Friday getas us through the rest of a mundane week (:))
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@ the ppl who thought of ‘em.
“the fsm died for our dins” “…for our salivation.” excellent!!
a new lyric here!
“the general’s very pleased!”
hint : australian shadow environment minister.
btw @ alchemist, yeah! its quite hard to get the other nail in! gotta have strong teeth for the hammer! easier to nail yourself to a d-pad. also, anyone heard of jack thompson the attourney? he’s the one saying games cause violence. that’s utter b.s. phew.
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Wench Nikkiee – you are forgeting Wednesday aka Hump Day. I have to admit, Wednesday is not as good for parties as Friday and Saturday, but you have to like the name.
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It is start of the day in the US East Coast.
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Since it is bed time for you, that is the best time to grab the stripper. ‘)
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RAmen
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know whats most weird bout this fundie? he never mentioned sexuality or even oars! no accusation of gayness. he never even said “hell” or “burn”. sad. bring back oars, i say! they’re worth a laugh.
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and don’t get me started on superglue! sigh.*nostalgia*
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idea! mass prayer! grab some pasta and recite the following: “oh my fsm, please bring us a fundie, and let that fundie be obsessed with oars and gayness and superglue. and may his keyboard have caps lock on permanatly. pleeease? ramen.” what you think?
p.s. take out the “pleeeaase?” if you want.
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oooh! pity we don’t worship an egg, cause we could say he died on the cress!
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WO – ease up on the caffiene. Drink some rum.
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Worship and egg? that would be silly. :)
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You know, you could just go trolling on their forums… I’m sure Alchemist could point you to some wonderful fishing holes, where you could catch a real whopper.
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We need to get more pirates! This whether disruption is terrible. I got stuck in Houstan, Texas on my way to South America because lightning had struck the control tower and the whether was too terrible for any landings/takeoffs anyway. Buh.
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Que el Monstruo de Espaghetti Volador te perdone…
May the Flying Spaghetti Monster will forget you…
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With enough you were would be snowed in.
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I hope that you are going somewhere nice in South America. I have heard good things about Brazilian women.
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Sorry, terrible typing. I meant to say:
With enough pirates, you would have been snowed in.
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@OEW
It to Equador for a few days and then Galapagos! What better holiday destination could a Pastafarian want.
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Hey Jingles, how goes it? I’ve been pretty well behaved recently, wrt trolling. My net-use is scary enough at the moment. Stumbling for religion yields good results :) e.g. I’ve just found this one:
http://www.godandscience.org/
“Provides scientific evidence for the existence of God and the reliability of the Bible”. Could be worth a look, I haven’t yet.
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@DPG – You’re not wrong! We drew the last test match with India because of the weather, we only needed one more wicket and half of the last day was lost! Oh yeah, some places in the South have been flooded too.
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Enjoy the Galapagos Islands (I think that’s right). Watch out for the Vampire Finches!
(couldn’t make a detour through Colombia and pick-up a couple of packages for me, could you? :D)
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@Alchemist
Looking out for vampire finches, iguanas, giant tutrles, you name it :)
I’m making enough detours already, sorry not to pick up your packages. Spending one and a half extra days here in Texas, the ultimate George W country, because of the frikking whether, grumble.
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That godandscience link was just a teaser aimed at me wasn’t it? Come on, admit it!
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DPG – hahaha. No worries with Colombia detour, I’ve got enough coffee to last.
Ya – we moan about the weather here but at least we don’t usually get extremes. I love thunder storms but not sure if I’d fancy a Southern US one.
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That link was a total coincidence – honestly! As soon as I typed “Stumbling for religion …” I thought I’d better check what was on now – that was the first site that came up. Not a very active forum but not dead, a few posts today.
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@ Alchemist – You don’t expect me to believe it was coffee you wanted DPG to pick up, do you?!?!?!? :)))
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@ DPG – I’m sorry to hear about your travel woes. We grow big storms in this part of the world! I hope you have a wonderful trip (once you actually get going!).
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@Rowdy
‘coffee’ is a euphemism for coke I was also unfamiliar with. I’m pretty sure Alchemist was referring to the white powder. And not the sort you put in your coffee either.
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@ DPG – That was my assumption!! :)))
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Gotta run!
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No. Coffee. On my word as a giant ant.
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Note to DEA. I was only joking! You can put the latex gloves and KY Jelly away. Not that I think you’re monitoring us – arghhh, sieve time.
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DPG – sounds like fun trip, except the Texas part.
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Alchemist – are you looking to avoid the import taxes or smuggling fee? Just like a pirate, always looking to rook the government. Best of luck with the venture.
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@Alchemist
Looked at the link to godandscience you put up. The forum is heavily moderated, no Darwinian-inspired posts allowed. I wouldn’t last there a tenth as long as you lasted on itpog.
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Speaking of itpog and science etc, has Humble Pie ever been back? Just before I left a couple of people posted they didn’t think his quotes were up to scratch (you included I believe?) and I haven’t read anything from him since. Or heard from him on radiological dating methods. Or papers on evolution.
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You know what nearly all the Hate Mail the Church of FSM receives has in common?
IT’S FROM CHRISTIANS.
So, as I’ve observed before, PRACTICING CHRISTIANITY* ~= HATING.
*(today’s American Evangelicals especially…. You know. Fox-watching Bushies.)
Exactly the opposite of what Jesus is supposed to have preached… & I personally believe that he did.
THAT’S WHY YOU ARE ALL ASSHOLES.
(No, I don’t mean all Christians, I mean all hate-spewing ‘Christians.’)
Any questions?
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back again after a virus ran havoc over my laptop and a wekk full of vaction. unfortuentaly it seems that after two weeks christians are still yelling trash at us. sad.
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@cap’n- i got one. How many hate spewing christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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Answer:30. One to screw in the lightbulb. four to say it’s a omen from “God”. Five to exagerate about it to others and say it’s omen. and twenty to go to every single website and yell trash at other religions.
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Cap’n – how can you say “THAT’S WHY YOU ARE ALL ASSHOLES.
(No, I don’t mean all Christians, I mean all hate-spewing ‘Christians.’)”?
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You don’t know all of the them. However, I believe that you are generally correct.
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wtf, that a pretty one minded view
“not remembering our real Creator, God and His son Jesus and the whole Christian belief.” the FSM would not be impressed, even if you do not belive in him, doesnt mean that christianity is the only religion, what about….erm….all those other ones
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i’ll prepare some pasta in the shape of fsm. eat it, you’ll be enlightened. and you will see the world as it really is.
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fuck that shit. change.
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yay i became famous. my email is gardal@euroweb.net.mt
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msn—- roy-mustang-007@hotmail.com
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Hi
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A lurker surfaces! More power to your elbows chaps & wenches.
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I don’t know where to post this but I think you’d enjoy Marcus Brigstocke’s rants the last 2 weeks from The Now Show on BBC Radio 4.
Last week’s is available on youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY-ZrwFwLQg
The other one can be heard for the next week on “listen again” on Radio 4’s website.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/comedy/nowshow.shtml?focuswin
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There is a particulaly good atheist’s lords prayer at about the 12th minute.
Get it before it’s gone……
Keep the noodly goodness flowing!
Wrinkly Wench
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Hi wrinkly wench.
We’ve never met before.
Have you been touched by his noodly appendage?
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Wrinkly.
I’m crying with laughter at that Marcus Brigstoke youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UY-ZrwFwLQg
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Actually it is very relevant to the discussion we’ve been having with Krony.
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holy crap! i think christians are actually getting dumber. is this actually possible?
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Hi ۞
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Thanks
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I escaped from a pious catholic upbringing about 4 decades ago but only found enlightenment (& entertainment) from FSM a few months ago. (40 years in the wilderness! Actually, it was pretty good.)
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I consider that I have been touched by his noodly appendage (& we ate spag bol this evening).
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BTW
Where’ve the IPOG people gone? I’ve been out of things for a bit & they’ve evaporated. DPG was doing a great job when I last dropped in.
Wrinkly Wench
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yeh, i think so. the dumb ones survive and continue to get dumber.
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i love the video!!!!!! i am still laughing from that one.
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I’m listening to that radio show.
It is is brilliant.
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Hi there Wrinkly Wench. Ta for the links, very funny :) I’m a Radio 4 fan too. Well, TMS and “Sailing By” are classics :)
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I like “I’m sorry I haven’t a clue”.
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What’s TMS? Sailing By is on too late for me & doesn’t hold the attention. Not a classic – too boring. I’m sorry I haven’t a clue is funny but not usually thought provoking.
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TMS. Test Match Special – the sound of summer :D
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Cricket!! Bleagh!
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Though of course you can follow it if you want to…..
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Defintitely not thought provoking.
Well actually Samantha provokes thoughts, but you probably didn’t mean that!
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You’ve got your imaginary friend in the sky, we’ve got our very real friend in our pasta bowl. Who’s the deluded one?
Bow down to the meatbally one.
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“Cricket!! Bleagh!”
Yeah! Pretty much the way I feel at the moment.
BTW – Hello and welcome. Watch out for some of the folks, they can get a bit silly!
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CNN was rite. your religion is ridiculous. yes, other religions hav ther fair share of absoloutly retarted things,but pastafarianism? WTF! u worship a fucking man made food! so stop believing in this B.S, you kno its not real…i think its funy when the truth is its GAY AS HELL
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BS, I hate 1 vs. 100
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So there.
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Bob Saget, please use apostrophes. Also, it really wouldn’t kill you to capitalize at the beginnings of sentences as opposed to at the end of one of them. You could also do yourself a lot of good by actually spelling words out, like “right”, “have”, “you”, and “know”, and on that same topic, I find it “absolutely” “retarded”, and “funny” that you misspelled all of those words.
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as i’ve said before, god really needs to get a new advertisement. bob saget is obviously not selling any faith here.
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Bob, Is hell gay?
They talk about torture, but that probably means there’s a 10 minute queue for a latte.
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SE, Bob did manage however to spell believing ridiculous and pastafarianism correctly.
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I always disliked Bob Saget, the guy pretended to be funny but never was.
PS Bob, I’m writing in a (for me) foreign language, hence the spelling and grammar errors, what’s your excuse?
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okay, so all u do is criticize spelling because u kno im rite. o, and by the way my orgin is latvian, so i hav some spelling issues
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some?
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I would expect any spelling errors to at least follow phonetic rules…
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My organ is American…..so there
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@Wrinkly Wench
¨BTW
Where’ve the IPOG people gone? I’ve been out of things for a bit & they’ve evaporated. DPG was doing a great job when I last dropped in.¨
.
Not all Pastafarians would agree with you, but thanks for the compliment. Krony is still around on the same thread. I said I´d post a reply to him after my holiday. Humble Pie has turned to the ultimate losers argument when he couldn´t produce ANYTHING in a science debate: criticising me for the tone of my posts rather than posting anything of substance.
.
I´ll be happy to exchange some more thoughts with krony when I have some more time, but HP has shown himslef to be just another dishonest believer who will stoop pretty low to cling to his fairy taile beliefs. Maybe it was when some posters who had initially condemned my strong tone (ok, I admit, it was outright yelling) turned against him that he chickened out.
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Oh and yes, he said he´d pray for me. Bwahahahaha! May the FSM have mercy on that misguided man.
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@ DPG – Hope things are going better for you! I guess HP really did chicken out. All I said to him was to expect problems if he quoted things out of context…oh well. I guess not everyone can handle intellectual scrutiny.
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@ Wrinkly Wench – Haven’t had a chance to say hi yet! So Welcome and RAmen from Rowdy Wench!!
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@ BCA – I seem to be missing you lately…I’ll check back to see if you are still around this evening.
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@ RDPW – I never liked Bob Saget either!
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@RW…Stop missing me
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@ BCA – I know, I know! It’s much more fun to run into you! :))) Hope you are doing well! I’ll be back in a bit…
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It is?
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Well I thought so! I meant in a fun way! :))
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ok
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:)) How goes the campaign? You had some really great platform ideas last I knew!
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Campaign stalled…still looking for Wench Knockers.
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No one game to knock the Wenches here. Too many frying pans around :p)
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@ BCA – Sorry about the campaign. I’m surprised a Wench Knockers hasn’t shown up! With the insanity of this group you’d think it would happen…
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Wench Nikkiee
Jul 29th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
No one game to knock the Wenches here. Too many frying pans around :p)
*
RAmen Nikkiee, I’ll keep mine polished and ready :)))))))
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People say they’ll do that for us a lot.
Either:
a) They then don’t and are liars.
b) We’re going to win the lottery/convert to xianity or whatever they pray for us to do.
c) They’re religion is a bag of shite.
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It’s hard to work out. Could some of the xians who’ve promised to pray for us ‘fess up if they actually did pray. ‘cos its either a) or c).
PS: If they pray for us to convert then aren’t they asking God to violate our free will. I thought that wasn’t allowed.
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Argh – So bored! Head going to explode!
You never told me your wife is away again, Cap’n – are you avoiding me? ;P
The frying pan is in the wash, so you are safe there!
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Hi Wrinkly Wench! Welcome aboard! Have you been stowing away then? ;)
That’s OK, but you have to watch out for Ship’s Cat :)
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Have a good holiday DPG!
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Hi everyone else, I promise to try to catch up on the last few emails and comments later – too busy playing with my pussy lately :D :D :D
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Booty – That sounds like a very worth while way to spend time. I like to spend as much time with pussy as I can.
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Hi All…how was the weekend? Mine was busy as usual, heat wave doing in a bunch of seniors with no air. So carting loads to nice air conditioned hospitals where they usually recover nicely until they get booted out. Two more weeks of heat predicted…sigh.
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Best of luck with your efforts Iron Bess.
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It has been a bit slow.
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Time to get cracking. Be a good pirate.
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Booty, Yes Mrs symbol is away again. On holiday.
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I’m going out there on Friday or I would pop round and give
your pussy a seeing tosee to your pussysee your pussy..
Hang on that isn’t much better. Oh you know what I mean! :) ;)
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This is interesting…only Christians send hate mail…what about other religions? Shouldn’t they be pissed too? Or are they the only ones threatened?
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@ Booty and ۞ – You lot are hilarious! Keep it up! (Pun intended!!)
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Matt,
The Christians send hate-mail.
The Muslims send Boeings.
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Symbol dude – very nice.
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Maybe the christians don’t feel that they get enough pursicution.
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this is strange.
there is no such thing as a flying spagetti monster!!
GOD IS REAL..DAH!
:D
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@ LOIS
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Nih!
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@olivia LOIS
Care to elaborate? What is your criterion for real, that you believe in him?
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@LOIS
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Pasta is real..DAH
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Sounds almost as ill-informed as your statement.
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VOTE NAP
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BCA
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“beer and stripper factories in heaven, and that the bunch of pasta created the universe when he was drunk” I see you read our book.
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YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOO DUMB
CHRIST FOR THE WIN
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOO DUMB
CHRIST FOR THE WIN
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOO DUMB
CHRIST FOR THE WIN
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOO DUMB
CHRIST FOR THE WIN
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOO DUMB
CHRIST FOR THE WIN
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOO DUMB
CHRIST FOR THE WIN
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOO DUMB
CHRIST FOR THE WIN
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOO DUMB
CHRIST FOR THE WIN
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOO DUMB
CHRIST FOR THE WIN
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOO DUMB
CHRIST FOR THE WIN
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOO DUMB
CHRIST FOR THE WIN
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOO DUMB
CHRIST FOR THE WIN
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOO DUMB
CHRIST FOR THE WIN
PASTA FTL IT BELONGS IN MY STOMACH
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Another dramatic blow to the pastafarian belief system. Thanks, Christian. btw, thaz sarcasm.
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BCA
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Christian seems to have a bit of a problem with the caps lock!
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BCA,
Wise to point out the sarcasm. I suspect CHRISTIAN might be suffering from HDD.
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look, christian is trying the brainwashing thing. i don’t think it works without the metronome and shiny penny though.
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@Christian
?
(*)
/ \
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@Christian
^?^
(*)
/ \
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Just in case you missed it the first time…can you guess what it is??? I’ll give you a hint…it gets smaller the longer you look at it…that’s right!!! It’s your IQ…meow…
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۞
Jul 30th, 2007 at 11:49 pm
BCA,
Wise to point out the sarcasm. I suspect CHRISTIAN might be suffering from HDD.
*
I concur with that diagnosis, a serious case too :)
*
Hello Ships cat, good to see you again.
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@Red
Hello…I think Christian might be this guy…
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http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=281523
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The Lord is my f*cking shephard you little cu*ts…get off the property!!!
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Nah. That priest was far more eloquent than christian. Even when just cursing :)
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Hey that Cat’s back! :)
Hello kitty :p)
Hiya RDPW if you’re still on board :)
*goes to read the Cats link*
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most religions have positive aspects and some bits that suck major balls. for someone from one religion to dis another is freakin lame and as pastafarians i would have thought you were better than that, anyway beer and strippers is cool and pasta is tasty!
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Ah, but Aubergine, the positive bits and the “other” bits are not evenly shared out :) And besides : THEY started it! There!
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@ aubergine: surpirise! we call it eggplant!
most of us aren’t pastafarians as you would put it. some claim the title as we believe in what pastafarianism stands for, but not it’s actual theological purpose. a good proportion of us are in fact atheists (still pirates mind you), in which case we can attack any religion we like.
so there.
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@auberginesurprise and angryyoungatheist – I recommend that you see about reading the Gospel of the FSM. It is very enlightening.
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As pastafarians, we try to be nice and understanding of others fantasies. However, as pirates, it can be tough not to knock others around a bit. It is a pastafarians biggest challange.
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hey, auberginesurprise, why don’t you take the 30-day trial of CoFSM? Try out FSMism for 30-days, if you don’t like it, I am sure that you your god will take you back. Please see the Gospel for full details of this offer.
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Are they sure that priest wasn’t father Jack Hackett?
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@ OEW
i’ve read the FSM bible. i don’t believe it. i believe in the satirical ‘bring down Intelligent Design’ side.
hope you found that enlightening.
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angryyoungatheist – You need to relax. I am glad you read the Gospel. You don’t have to believe it. After all, it is in the humor section of the book store.
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I don’t get why it’s in the humor section. I just got my copy so I still have some reading to do, but…..why doesn’t it deserve the same respect as the other made up gospels????
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How bout’ be put the king james bible in the humor section, or better yet the horror section?
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Ha…horrow section. That’s exactly the reason why I never have, nor never will, read it. I was almost convinced to read it a few months ago, but I figured if I were to read a bible, why not read the Torah, since I am Jewish and all…well actually a non-practicing Jew (ok, so maybe I never practiced, being Jewish to me is more of a cultural thing). But I am a practicing Pastafarian, and I am reading the true Gospel.
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RAmen
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Obviously these people who are bashing FSM don’t understand the point of this whole religion. I am a Roman Catholic and my beliefs are still grounded in Christianity. To me FSM makes just as much sense as Scientology, cults, and all the retarded Christian based religions ie. Mormons. FSM shows how easy it is to start a religion even if it’s based on something as ludicrous as a bunch of flying spaghetti. It gives a fun outlet to those who think that organized religion is based on just as much fact as FSM and even pokes fun of those who are part of organized religions. I can take a joke, (and to those who actually believe this your just as retarded as the people who posted the original comment,) and I think this whole thing is hilarious. So to all of you nay sayers screw off!
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@angryyoungatheist
¨i’ve read the FSM bible. i don’t believe it. i believe in the satirical ‘bring down Intelligent Design’ side.
hope you found that enlightening.¨
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RAmen to that. I´m in the hardline atheist section of the Pastafarian congregation too. And having fun in the process of ridiculing ID.
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Although I can’t really tell if you’re being sarcastic or not, I will take you seriously, because FSM would want me to. He has told me to tell you that despite your harsh, unholy words and intolerance for others, He will spare you on decision day. For He is a kind, forgiving spaghetti monster. He also told me to tell you “chill out, G” and that’s all I got. After that the reception got bad and we got disconnected. I guess that’s the way it goes… the Verizon service in Heaven is only so-so.
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@ marcom catholic
why does your religion make more sense than pastafarianism?
@ RPG
Thanks
Ramen
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How can you bad mouth other peoples beliefs!!!!
And as far as i have read your good old Jesus and co could be alot of old Bulls*@t anyways. So if you can give me some hard solid proof that Jesus and co is all true then i might listen to what you have to say (i will warn you know you wont convince me, i know this stuff)
All hail his noodleness!!
Anyway if you are such a good christian then why dont you just forgive us all. Is that not what your god preaches. RAmen!!!!!
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@marcom catholic – you need to talk to some of the born agains and evangelicals. Their brand of christianity is nothing like roman catholic. So different in fact, that you will look at them like they are loonie.
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@beastlt12 – I had to ask the book store babe to look it up for me. I thought it would be in the religious section. Just more oppression for FSMism.
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Original post states: “you are throwing away Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross for some drunk bunch of pasta?.”
If jesus chose to sacrifice himself, well sucks for him. I for one would never wish to crucify myself, unless I also had a chemical imbalance.
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Actually jesus chose to sacrifice himself because mankind was blighted with the incredible fruit eating first sin.
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Man, I can see where that would just be totally worth it. “Okay, all you fruit eaters, I am Jesus, your lord and god and I will allow myself to get nailed to a cross to save you all from having to live with the trauma of your ancient forefathers and evil foremother of the fruit eating variety.”
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Crowd of on lookers. “Oh praise Jesus, for his sacrafice, I hate apples.”
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“Oh speaking of apples, anyone got some rotten ones?”
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LMAO…too funny, and true.
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Don’t throw the rotten apples, the unripe ones hurt more.
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Why are we so surprised that christians/catholics are hypocrits? Their main books have so many contridictions that a pirate can’t make heads nor tails of it.
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I am quoting Jon from July 27th:
“Christianity: the belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.”
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Send in the straight jackets for them, wait, one is running the US. Yikes!
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OMFSM! I am so saving that quotation, that’s prolly the best one I’ve heard yet.
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RAmen to that!
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Marcom Catholic, I do hope that you know that you proved yourself no less “retarded” (though I hate to use the word in any derogotory fashion) than those you insulted by saying “and to those who actually believe this your just as retarded as the people who posted the original comment”. I believe that “you’re” is the word you were searching for. I’m sorry, but the phrase at that you wrote makes no sense at all. I am also somewhat insulted at your lack of tollerance for what you call “retarded Christian based religions”. If this is the way you see things, isn’t Christianity in itself a “retarded Judaism based religion”? I do hope you come back and read some of the comments you recieved. It would do you good to learn a thing or two (especially about grammar).
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Heathen! Burn the nonbeliever!
…Burn him…
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Bob Saget, sorry about your spelling. That still gives you no right to be so outright rude.
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Prometheus Aug 2nd, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Heathen! Burn the nonbeliever!
…Burn him…
.
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Yeehaa! I’m game … erm, don’t suppose you’ve got a light have you?
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@STE – sorry dude, but as long as you are pointing out grammar and spelling, tollerance is actually spelled tolerance.
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We are all guilty of mispelled or mis-grammared verbiage in our zeal to get down the next zinger.
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All of you pastafarians responding violently to this, remember the first “I’d really rather you didn’t”:
“I’d really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.”
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Yeah yeah…I prefer this one myself:
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5. “I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B*******.”
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RAmen (:))
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Would it be blasphemy to gather together with friends, play funky music, drink Belgian beer, and eat the FSM’s noodly bounty? If no, is there an appropriate day set aside for such activity? The beer doesn’t have to be Belgian, but we really like the Trappist’s products-especially when they are hard up and willing to sell their 12%+ beers-this only happens when they need money—but anyway—funky music, beer, and an FSM component-OK yes??? How about Thursday service @ 8:00?
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I have instruments and a P.A.
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And a drummer-a good one!
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I could really use some wench right about now!
Aaaarghh! aargh…aargh
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I recon you would need a friday for that party, i mean, fridays are holy after all
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@WN- yeh that ones cool. this one though i often say to christians.
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4: I really rather you didn’t build muitimillion dollar chrurches/mosqes/temples in my honor when you could use that money to:
1.End world hunger
2.Cure dieases
3. End poverty and lower the cost of cable.
I may be a multicarbohadrate being but I do know how to enjoy myself. After all I am the creator.
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okay i know that’s not right but I know it’s close.
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Nikkiee, superfrog, it just shows we re a real religion, we can pick whatever suits us at the moment :)))
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@RDPW- Yeah, but we still stick to our basic morals (the very few we have)
@ZooM- That sounds fine, it’s definatly not blasphy, it might even be considered worship.
Anyway I decided to come over to this thread/post because “I find this sad” was getting slow.
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Morning/afternoon/evening (or tomorrow for Nikkiee and the antipodean cohort)
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Just found this quiz:
http://www.justafreak.com/christianenemy.shtml
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“Which Enemy of the Christian Faith Are You?
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I got heretic! Me?
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I love question 3:
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3. Why do terrible things happen?
-Don’t ask me.
-Divine Intervention of course.
-I dunno, why do good things happen?
-Survival of the fittest.
-” Terrible” is rather subjective.
-Because people trust me.
-Satans grasp on this world is tightening.
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I got atheist, just because the FSM was once again grossly neglected in the possible answers of course :)
*
I love these quizzes :P
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w00t, I’m a philosopher/scientist. Wow this quiz is pretty accurate.
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i got whatever. that me. this pirate doesn’t care what people do as long as thier is grog/rum, wenches, and the FSM.
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Hi all :))
I got philosopher/scientist too. That’s scary. I would prefer pagan/heathen.
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Hi Alchemist :)
“for Nikkiee and the antipodean cohort”
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Who’s the cohort? :)
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I got “whatever”. Didn’t know I was THAT careless! Hahahahahaha! Worthless, those online quizzes. I once got a IQ of 129 delivered… after a questionary in Shakespeare’s tongue (my third language!), with a conclusion that should direct me towards maths. I’m USELESS in maths! I say, worthless, those tests…
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@Wench Nikkiee Aug 4th, 2007 at 1:57 pm “Who’s the cohort? :)”
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That’s whatever bunch of people that stand next to you to withold you from smashing your computer screen every time an IDiot or YEC lays an egg… err… thinks he/she makes a sensible statement. I think you do need a cohort for that ;)
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Hey Nikkiee – I like the word :) No way are there 600 Aussies here :)
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Hi JB,
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There is another Flemish guy around, met him in the chat room a few hours ago, ¨loonsaus¨. RAmen to the growing Dutch speaking FSM congregation. Or FSM congregation of any language actually.
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Bruuuk Bok Bok Bok Braaaagurk!!!!
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Rochefort-Leffe-Kasteel-Brugge Triple-Chamey-Bud Light—what’s in the chalice??? FEE FI FO FUM
I smell the blood of a Flemish man and some really tasty body of FSM.
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Wow, I am apparently an atheist. Never would have guessed :P
Excellent quiz.
.
Just a post and run, I’ll be gone by the time you read this.
.
.
Jingles,
fading back into the background, with bells on!
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OK- so according to Alchemist’s quiz I’m an “atheist”—but so many things aren’t accidental or random-or are they? Is it all about shear force??? “When ya chewin on life’s gristle-don’t worry- give a whistle-and know that things will turn out for the best— aaaaaaaaaaand always look on the bright side of death(emphasis applied)from MP-thanks—we need DERFLOO in the U.S.
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OOP EEP OP OORP and around we go–thank you god night!
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That quiz is broken. It states that i am an atheist. But am I not most clearly a pastafarian?
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@Alchemist Aug 4th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
“No way are there 600 Aussies here :)”
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I’d agree:) 20million of them in OZ though….I know a few of them…not all though. :p))
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JB
“every time an IDiot or YEC lays an egg… err… thinks he/she makes a sensible statement.”
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Commodore Horace T Swordfish Aug 4th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
“Bruuuk Bok Bok Bok Braaaagurk!!!!”
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I believe Horace just laid an egg!
hehehehe…..laughs at that image.
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Stop it- eggs are for people too!
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surprising, apparently i’m an atheist.
i found more evidence of the fsm in queensland today, will post pictures soon.
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Thanks for the link to the quiz Alchemist. I ended up atheist too.
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Man this guy is thick, does he not know that jesus and god are one of the same, (supposiedly). O and whats the point in believeing in some all powerfull overlord, that is even more improable the his supposed creation.
_____
Making the world smarter one idiot at a time
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Huge surprise, I am an Atheist, now lets find a really challenging quiz. Somthing along the lines of how do you make toast?
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I’m a whatever. though i don’t think that’s a good thing. I’d rather be a pastfarian Pirate!
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@ZOO MOTEEN Aug 4th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
“Stop it- eggs are for people too!”
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You think Horace may be a person? I suppose that is possible…. ;)
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“dude fsm sucks”
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No, He flies.
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Your religion makes no sense.
First off, God committed adultery. He practically raped Mary. How does that even make sense? A virgin giving birth? Wtf?!
Second, according to Evangelicalism, the point of the religion is to convert everyone to your own religion. That’s just crap. Sorry.
Third. When God created the Universe (there was supposedly nothing but himself), he said “let there be light.” Problem there. Light didn’t exist at the time, but he created it. Words didn’t exist, either. Neither did language. It’s so freaking confusing, it doesn’t make any sense!
Fourth: People are making money off selling Bibles. Where’s God’s cut in the profit? It seems downright blasphemy to sell God’s work and make money off of it.
Pastafarianism is so much simpler. Don’t become Pastafarian if you don’t want to. It’s your choice.
Glad you like the site.
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Dude, FSM RULEZ! :)
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FSM rocks! its more true then Christianity, i mean c’mon! we’ve all seen spaghetti, but who has ever seen a lame guy with a dumb beard come back from the dead, just to float off into the sky?!?
FSM is the only religion for me!!
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I’ve never even seen anyone come back from the dead or float off in to the sky, let alone both.
I have seen people with beards sandals and poor personal hygiene though.
But I’ve seen a lot more pasta.
RAmen.
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@Follower Of FSM # 373286216
Welcome to the church of the FSM to you as a new adherent.
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well, its good to finaly find a religion that is actually believable!
All hail the Spaghedeity!
RAmen
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Etay,
I don’t think God raped Mary. You know what a turn on some chicks find power. As soon as God said hello baby, she’d be ‘Joseph who? Hello Hotshot!’
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There’s a hilarious modern replay of that myth over on the In Pursuit of God site.
Someone called Nashdude believes that his wifes pregnancy is a miracle because he is sterile!
Ha Ha Ha Ha.
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I’m not at home so I can’t find you the link.
One of the other Pastafarians (*cough* disciples) might be able to find it.
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he may be sterile, but i bet the neighbour isn’t.
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Found it.
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http://www.inthepursuitofgod.com/forum/debates-discussion/6015-miracles-do-you-have-examples-2.html#post79143
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I forgot his second wife (who was subject to the miracle ;) ) is called Mary.
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I know you’re going to say it’s a hoax, but I’m pretty sure Nashdude is a genuine bona fide asshole and not some sort of satirical troll.
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He has 2,614 posts on that forum at a rate of over 11 a day.
If he’s a parody, he’s working hard at it!
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Aya,
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There’s something in the Bible about Love Thy Neighbour.
Mary is just taking it literally like any good fundie should!
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@Symobol dude
“There’s a hilarious modern replay of that myth over on the In Pursuit of God site.
Someone called Nashdude believes that his wifes pregnancy is a miracle because he is sterile!
Ha Ha Ha Ha.”
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Just checked out the ole Final Harvest…it’s gotta be a hoax…not even Millsey and his flock are that stoopid…
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Wtf? Don’t you know this is just sattire? I’m a Christian and have no problems with it, it’s very funny. And if you think it’s serious you need to see a psychiatrist. I know some good ones, contact me.
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@Anon – What separates one fairy tail from another? Just because more people profess faith in your god, does that make it real? At one point the majority of the planet thought the planet was flat, where they right?
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@thumper,
If Nashdude is satire he is a very good satire. He’s a senior member in that group with (as I mentioned) over 2000 postings stretching back months.
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Hats off if he’s a gag!
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Oh, and speaking of long running satires. Takes one to know one my fluffy tailed friend.
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@۞
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Have they let you back on the site yet?
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I took a wander over there yesterday, saw Nashdude apologising for attending a Baptist church rather than a Pentecostal. Seems like there is a pecking order of denominations even within the disestablished church. What a shock!
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Alchemist,
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I’ve got a login called Rub El Hizb which seems to be OK.
I haven’t posted with it.
Though I’m sorely tempted to point out to Nashdude the more earthly explanation for his miracle.
Tee Hee.
He must be a troll. Macho guy like him isn’t going to admit to firing blanks and marry someone called Mary who then has a miracle pregnancy.
Too funny.
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He’s very good if he is a troll but I admit the miracle pregnancy of Mary is a bit, well :) I’d have been proud of that if it got past the mods :)
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Hello all,
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I´m pretty sure Nashdude is genuine. I had an endless shouting match with him on dating methods etc in the ¨how to talk to atheist friends¨thread. Sounds like a very real faith head to me. Brings up all the standard canards like the second law of thermodynamics and other YEC shite. I don´t a troll would stoop that low.
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I haven’t looked at the thread yet, but his production (almost on cue) of the standard objections could be taken as evidence that he is a troll.
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Oh dear FSM that miracles thread is painful!
Xians have this wonderful phrase “There’s none so blind as those who will not see”
Seems very apt in this instance!
Excuse me while I go and bang my head against a wall now…..
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Speaking of miracles, there’s a great story about the Pope, Bill Clinton, and the Virgin Mary. The punch line is: “….gee, Your Holiness….I…she…you’re too late….”
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Hahahahahahaha
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Your the asshole, fascist, fsm is just as likely as your beliefs, Your beliefs are solely based on circular logic, that makes no sense at all, for instance, the bible is true because it says it is. boy that makes alot of sense doesnt it. just like fsm, which btw is just a way to say hey, believing in a flying speghetti monster is just as ridiculous as believing in god,(which i do) and its not like were trying to push these beliefs upon you, like what your trying to do to us, because were not fascist. we just believe that circular logic that cant be proven, should not be taught in a science class room.
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Yeah, what he said!! Fascist!!
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RAmen garrett
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Hey people, you know about Jesus and his ‘burning bush’? Well, some people burn Jymsung (sp?) weed and breath the fumes to get high. So some bloke named Jesus found some weed, burned it, and, oh, i dunno, hallucinated that god was talking to him?! Also, the christian ‘god’ was invented by bored sheep herders.
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Religion is lint in the belly button of humanity. FSM is the olive in my martini of life. RAmen
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gardal…Speaking as a non-Christian and one who owns a bread maker, I am unsure as to why you would waste your time on such an inarticulate and non-insightful comment as this, however I am willing to take your advice on how much yeast I should add when making whole-wheat.
Praise FSM, boil until al-dente
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Julie – You are thinking of Moses. Jesus starved himslef in the desert for 40 days and had visions.
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it’s payote time for jesus!
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Christians if you’re troubled by a burning bush, it is probably just thrush and nothing to worry about.
Go and see your doctor and he/she will give you some pills.
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Julie – yeah, what ۞ said :)
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It’s a well known fact that John had a serious mushroom habit! How else do you explain Rudolph the sex-maniac Reindeer in the Book of Revelations?
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i don’t believe i’ve read that passage. could you refer me please?
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When I read the Revelation I always think of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.
The only certainty of the Bible is that who ever wrote the Revelation was doin’ some serious drugs.
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Commodore Angry,
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The Revelation is highly allegorical and cryptic. Although it doesn’t specifically mention Rudolph the sex-maniac reindeer if you analyse the text closely you will realise the references.
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Alchemist has an extraordinary spirituality and doesn’t always realise that not everyone understands the text so clearly.
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I understand Alchemist perfectly, always have.
Those that don’t understand him, just haven’t been there.
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Mornin’ D.
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Ain’t that the truth Brother!
Morning D :)
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@ Alchemist – “It’s a well known fact that John had a serious mushroom habit! How else do you explain Rudolph the sex-maniac Reindeer in the Book of Revelations?” It has to be true! It’s been written! If it’s written down, people must believe it! :)))
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@ ۞ – “Alchemist has an extraordinary spirituality and doesn’t always realise that not everyone understands the text so clearly.” Is that the same thing as “Alchemist is totally nutters?” :)))
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can i just say, to all the Christians who complained, and especially the one that said it was made by a drunk, to him, how do you think your religion was made? and to the rest, now one cares about your opinuen, no matter how hard you force it on others
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People who don’t understand genius often misunderstand it a insanity.
Unfortunately there are far more nutcases claiming to be geniuses than geniuses miscategorised at nutcases.
If you’ve ever read the Revelations you’ll be hard pressed to state with confidence that there isn’t a sub-text about about a sex-maniac reindeer.
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I refer all doubters to the following passage:
AHEM!
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Then I saw another beast, coming out of the earth. He had two horns like a lamb, but he spoke like a dragon…”
Rev: 13:11
Reindeer much? Hum? Well? Speak up disbelievers?
This calls for wisdom. If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is a number of man. His number is 666. I left alone my mind was blank, I needed time to think to get the memories from my mind … sorry, where was I? … Oh yeah..
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Look at the name! Rudolph. If you convert those letters into numbers, so R is 18, U is 21 etc – then the name adds up to 94!
With me so far?
Then if you multiply 94 by 7 (the number of days in a week! Cunning eh?) – you get 658.
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The really cunning bit is the last one – When John wrote the Book of Revelations he was squatting at number 8, The Willows, Gethsemane. So if you add 8 to 658 you get …
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Yes 666!
Proof!
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oops sorry about that – has it gone?
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Easy really,
and congrats to Dan for knowing too!
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@Alchemist
Your logic is no less worthy than that used in the rest of the Bible :) People, put your hands together for what is the best piece of theological scholarship for a long time.
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DutchPastaGuy
Aug 14th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
@Alchemist
Your logic is no less worthy than that used in the rest of the Bible :) People, put your hands together for what is the best piece of theological scholarship for a long time.
*
Bravo! Bravo! well done!
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I’m not against fsm, and i don’t care if you are, but shit there is more than christianity. You guys think you need to convert EVERYONE. As a jew i just don’t understand how you can be so single minded. Stop worrying about other people and start lovin thy neighbor or whatever jesus taught you. dick.
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Claire,…………..it’s parody.
But as you mentioned being jewish there is one thing I feel I must mention. This idea of the jews being His chosen people, errr, WRONG! Pirates are His chosen people. I know you’ve been used to the idea for a long time and got all comfy with it etc. But it’s really wrong. Pirates are His chosen people.
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This is a refreshing and hilarious look at what constitutes a religion.
For those of you in a religion that combines “Choir Boys” with “Pediphile Priests” ….and has a history of Crusades (and killing) for those who don’t choose the Peace and Love of Christianity…. or when the killing of doctors justifies your religious stance on pro-life….
…I would think understanding the concept of IRONY should be a mandatory pre-requisite in the teaching of your religion. GET A CLUE….ACQUIRE A SENSE OF HUMOR!!!
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@A Pastagnostic!
Welcome to the church of the FSM.
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Hi new pirates! Welcome aboard :D
I would offer you some rum, but I drank it all – sorry :D
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Important Note for New Pirates: Booty is lying. She keeps a stash of grog under her bed.
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Damn and blast it!
Do you mind? I already wasted a good glass of wine at the weekend, no need to use up any more!
And, no, you can’t sleep in my bed afterwards….
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۞
Aug 16th, 2007 at 4:56 am
Important Note for New Pirates: Booty is lying. She keeps a stash of grog under her bed.
*
that’s not the way to get her to give you some! New pirates, always be very, very nice to Booty, she is very generous :P
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@Alchemist – hey love the calculations, if you could put that on a chart, well that would just be the cat’s ass!
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Wish I could oblige IB but my graphing skills are chemical in origin. “First draw your curve, the plot your data” (- thanks to Nikki for that one, I think it came from satirewire?)
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What am I talking about! … That’s perfect for theology :)
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Regarding Rudolph!
I was meditating last evening.
It was a beautiful English Summer’s evening! Warm, wet and gnat infested.
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As I studied “The Book of Revelations” I was struck by such insight that my whole world was shook! The very cornerstones of my existence burned!
Anyway, I got rid of the bomber that landed in my lap and continued my study …
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Rev: 17:5 (regarding the woman on the beast)..
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“This title was written on her forehead:
Mystery
Babylon The Great
The Mother Of Prostitutes
And Of The Abominations Of The Earth
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Look at the highlighted letters folks! What more proof do you need?
Rudolph is the beast!
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Bugger! I knew I’d cock it up!
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alchemist-im having trouble finding “rudolph is beast”
another hidden meaning in the bible. very interesting, please share more.
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@ TrueBeliever
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Yeah – I *kinda* made a *little* balls-up. I missed bolding a few letters! Give me a few minutes and I’ll correct it :D
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More hidden meanings? What do you want? Conspiracies and hidden meanings are everywhere – if you know what to look for :D
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This title was written on her forehead:
Mystery
Babylon The Great
The Mother Of Prostitutes
And Of The Abominations Of The Earth
.
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Damnation – I can’t find a “d” anywhere!
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OK – that one was a cock-up :)
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- ooh there it is :) You can fill the rest in :)
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I was making it up TB!
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Have a laugh – it’s fun :)
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@alchemist-i know hidden meanings are every where. i just want to hear more about this one.
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@TB
“@alchemist-i know hidden meanings are every where. i just want to hear more about this one.!
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OK- you’ll have to give me time to discern the message though!
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you can have all the time you want. maybe crack out a bible, make it more believable…or less believable.
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test
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TB – What would you like?
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anything entertaining, i dont really care
maybe something true from the bible, thats normally pretty funny!
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and by true i mean something in the bible, not true. that wouldnt exist.
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Hell fire – you’re a hard audience!
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I looked, and there before me was a white cloud (I’m thinking ’shrooms here), and seated on the cloud (yup – that or LSD) was one like a son of man with a crown of gold on his head and a sharp sickle in his hand …
Rev. 14:14
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Improve on that for humour :D
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i am scared now. i dont want to go find a bible (it would involve moving) but im pretty sure thats real and people actually believe that. and that scares me.
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Forget the bloke, take a toke?
I’m rusty.
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I’m crusty yet trusty! Have a toke? I have, you daft bloke :)
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well the whole thing is that sar, is that we’r saefaryin folk, and we dont’ believe in that Jesus stuff, so we instead have a superior god that can give us nurishment and actually has balls…2 of them infact…and you’re god isn’t human i suppose..so he has none…..interesting
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OK let’s take a closer look.
hate hate hate. hate hate, hate’s hate hate hate hating hate hate hate hate hate hate 2 hate. hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate. hate hate hater hate hate hate, hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate… hate. hate hate hate hate hate hate hating jubus jebus jebus, jebus jebus jebus jebus Jebus jebus jebus jebus jebus jebus. jebus jebus jebus jebus Jebus’ jebus jebus jebus jebus jebus jebus jebus jebus jebus jebus?. ………………………………………hate hate………………………………………
-name
Something seems wrong here . .
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This will be religious discrimination against all Pastafarian children! It’s an outrage!
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“Pipe Cleaners, Googly Eyes Cut From Elementary School Arts Budget”
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/65057
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May his Noodly Appendage stop them.
RAmen
:p
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On the one hand they won’t be able to model his noodliness but on the other they will have to make pictures with macaroni.
Whatever they do to drive him out the FSM is there because the FSM is everywhere.
You are never out of reach of his noodly appendage.
RAmen
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It goes to show how much his noodliness loves everybody. according to christianity, god watches you when you’re in the shower, but according to pastafarianism, the FSM touches you too!
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Hi Nikkiee, nice to see you post again:). We missed you.
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I’ve mentioned this before, but did you know that sometimes the FSM chooses to reveal he’s been touching you by allowing bits of his spaghetti sauce to become visible where it rubbed off.
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If you find unexplained food stains on your clothes – I’m thinking particularly after a night out maybe – you know that you’ve been touched by his noodly appendage.
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No that isn’t kebab sauce, it is sacred spaghetti sauce. Wear it with pride!
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However in the shower the evidence will wash away almost immediately so you can neither prove or disprove that he’s been touching you.
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Because we’re a religion and allowed to make ’special’ religious logical inference. That’s a bit different from science where we have to things so called ‘properly’.
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So the fact that we can not prove or disprove something means we get to decide and whatever we say has to be respected as the truth.
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So yes you are touched by his noodly appendage whenever you shower…
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In science we have to believe the truth whatever it is and that is frankly undemocratic. We should all be given a choice and make up our own minds about what we want to be true. That’s religion.
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RAmen.
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@۞ Aug 18th, 2007 at 4:48 am “In science we have to believe the truth whatever it is and that is frankly undemocratic. We should all be given a choice and make up our own minds about what we want to be true. That’s religion.”
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First annex to ۞’s definition of “religion”:
We should all be given a priest and believe what he wants to be true. That’s organised religion.
.
RAmen.
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At last a serious religion!
Thank you so much!
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@Jaap
Welcome to the church of the FSM. Hang around, post some more if you like. :)
We’ve been having a number of Dutch visitors lately. Your name is common in the Netherlands too. You’re another Dutch convert?
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Het wordt nog druk hier :)
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We can but hope, RDPW!
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an t’Yorkies ere! ’tis a nice leikin place! :P
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You have your belies and we have ours.
I like pie! Meeps!
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I think we’ve met our first Piestafarian!
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Wow………………… like I’m converting now you hipocrite
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Welcome to the church Polly :) Good to have another Wench on board.
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Hi DPG
Thanks :)) Lot on at the moment I’m afraid so my visits here have been sporadic and brief. :(
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i fart in your general direction! the fsm does not suck he is all knowing and all powerful. and has for “throwing away Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross” chances are you are white and american (who else would say dude). most americans have german heritage. long before christianity began to dominate a great deal of germans believed in norse mythology but cast it aside when the war mongering followers of christianity made them give up there ways. so we can easily say your ancestors through away odin’s self sacrifice when he hung himself from a tree and then stabbed himself with a spear. did you throw this religion away yourself, probably not. but what i’m saying is throughout time people have given up old religions for ones that might not make scence to everyone, like a religion where a woman was made from a man’s rib, or a religion that follows a flying monster made of noodles. what makes scence to some might not make scence to others and you shouldn’t try to be-little those beliefs because you don’t believe them. ii personally believe in the fsm with all my heart and if you can’t deal with that you are a very hateful, close minded, and bigoted person and i wish you know good will in the future. i don’t mock your beliefs please don’t mock mine, people like you, who are very close minded and don’t except any religion other than your own, are the reasons wars start and innocent school children get moltive (did i spell that right??) cocktails thrown at them in ireland.
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RAmen priest. All those carbs in the noodles can make members a little windy occasionally and it is nice to see you putting it to good use.
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Attitudes like this kill people plain and simple. I spend alot of spare time thinking about war how it’s fought and more importantly it’s reasons Greed, hate, Jealousy and fear religion is the only reason for war which i can think of that incorporates all of those reasons if people wern’t so aggressive and agro about their beliefs that they go out of their way to shame abuse and shun those of a different belief system their wouldn’t be nearly as many wars in our history millions of brothers of the sword have died needlessly for some text written in some book and quite frankly that doesn’t make any sence.
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@Giant Leprechaun
While I have a little difficulty following your English, I’ll give a loud RAmen to it anyway.
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And RAmen here too – Can I start a Mexican Wave?
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(Thanks for the skull and crossbones DPG :) )
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the one thing i can say here is the “Bible” contradicts itself..and how can their be two testaments? they contradict each other as well…
i believe that the first person to write the bible was a drunk who did it for a laugh but somewhere along the line some stupid guy decided it was true as tehy believed everything they read.. how does that fit into this guys way of thinking?
(sorry im bored..i could point out a lot of flaws in teh bible if i could be bothered..)
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at Luny.
there are two testaments because they are completely different. one is from the Jews, the old tesament, and the story of Jesus is in the new. But you’re right, they do contradict eachother on many points, one being ‘happy god vs vengeful god’
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Luny and CA.
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The only part of the New Testament that really speaks to me is the Gospel of St. Rudolph. It was written at about the same time as the Revelations of St. John the Stoned.
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Theologians have studied this Gospel for Centuries but it has been suppressed by the Catholic Church.
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Of course, to truly appreciate it you must read it in the original Reindeer!
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Hey Alchemist,
Glad you liked my quiz! :-)
.rev
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Drunken pasta is better than Jesus Zombies, m’boy. ;)
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“you are all inventing things and not remembering our real Creator, God and His son Jesus and the whole Christian belief.”
If christianity is the only religion we missed out of this whole bunch-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_religions- then I’d say we did pretty good job, what with leaving out only the religion that constantly tries to torture us for eternity and all:)
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dude, don’t you realise why fsm was created in the first place? to stop your creationism being taught in the school curriculum and brainwashing the minds of generations of American students (further) NOT to be an actual religion. People who write this bloody hate mail have to realise that.
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well, let me ask you this, sir: who was jesus’ mother? HMM?! Mary? how can she have given birth and remained a virgin? that makes as much sense as a flying spagetti monster creating the universe in a drunken stupor (which makes a lot of sense, once you think about it…)
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It was a magical angel who made Mary pregnant, not a made up pasta creature, silly. Don’t you know anything? (This for the WASP population of the USA is called irony). Animals don’t do irony, they missed out on day three or four of the creation when the irony glands were given out. But they get other stuff, such as dogs being able to pee almost limitlessly on tree and car wheels etc. Aren’t dogs just about the perfect size to pee on car wheels. Not a fluke. Intelligent design. Dogspiss durch technik.
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i never said that the fsm made mary pregnant, so please pay attention to what i wrote before you go abut bashing it and somehow moving on to dogs peeing on tires. i don’t know about you, but i find it annoying when every dog on my block pees on my car in the morning.
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You deny the FSM made Mary pregnant? Pasfemy!
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ok ok, so maybe he did…but how deep in the grog would Mary have to be to have sex with/be raped by our noodly master? and if it was consensual, wouldn’t jesus have SOME similarities with the FSM?
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See what you mean. Pasta tends to sink when mixed with water rather than walk on it. But don’t rule it out. Let’s put it out there as a theory. Takes a couple of years for a Pasta enabled JC religion to form, and, as the only true bringers of the word we can make them give til it hurts on the TV. And then retire with a beer volcano and maybe get some strippers. No one thought of that yet did they?
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Cap’tUberbob is soo right
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i can definately say i didn’t think of that. i see what you’re saying
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I must say that I think people such as our friend Gardal need to realise that most people who are in alternative religions are doing so because of the hypocrtical actions and total lack of live and let live that the Christians have. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and as soon as the Christians and other non-tolerant religions realise this, the sooner the rest of the world can get on with leaving in peace and harmony.
If Gardal doesn’t like then he mustn’t look!
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dude you’re ridiculing the belief that a giant ball of pasta created the universe when he was drunk, but then you go to say that someone did it in 6 days? Umm… no? FSM is just as legit as God
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fsm is a load of shit!
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No, He’s a load of spaghetti. With meat balls.
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@ .rev – sorry, I lost the thread for a week or so :D
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“Glad you liked my quiz! :-)
.rev”
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I love it! I keep getting different answers every time I try it. I love variety.
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This guy is so funny i swear
wtf is the diffrence between his god and fsm???
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After a long period of searching high and low, I discovered that Pastafarianism is the only true religion. It’s loads better than that other one with the old fart in the silly hat who lives in the Vatican and does bollocks all day. All people here who do not think this are heathens and should be treated as such. May they all be struck down by His Noodliness with some carbohydrate-based affliction.
By the way, are there any kiwis here?
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Don’t you just love the reactions from Christians to this site?
Slag me off all you want but I feel Christianity is the most absurd concept humanity has ever concieved. Whatsmore, you force your religion upon us daily with your “10 Commandments” and other bollocks, attempting to make the world a better place!
His Noodliness has created this Earth, not your other unthoughtfully-named “God”. His Noodly Appendages grace Pastafarians worldwide and manipulate the world cleverly and sneakily to make it a better place!
Shame on you Christians, and convert to the one and only TRUE religion, Pastafarianism!
Now I shall brace for the oncoming Christian-hate onslaught.
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@KiwiPasta
Welcome to the church of the FSM. Small point to make, you wrote
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“All people here who do not think this are heathens and should be treated as such. May they all be struck down by His Noodliness with some carbohydrate-based affliction.”
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The FSM is not vain and is fine with it if people don’t believe in Him. We don’t do Inquisition.
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My apologies, DutchPastaGuy. I concede my knowledge of His Noodliness is a little limited at this stage due to my short duration as a member of the church. I will make a point to purchase the Gospel and study it in it’s smallest details.
I once again apologise, it was wrong of me to make such a bold statement when my spiritual journey in the church has only just begun.
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No problem KiwiPasta
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I have seen the light! I completely understand now! And I have finally found my religion! FSM is it, for now and for ever. Thank you, RAmen.
Groeten aan de Nederlandse gelovigen hier!
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Welcome to the rest of your life SpagehettiQuattroFromaggi.
RAmen! You have been touched by his noodly appendage!
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Hey, you say that beleiving in a lump of pasta is stupid, yet can you not see the irony of then going and worshipping some bearded dude on a cloud (before you jump down my throat, puritan, i mean metaphorically!)
i dont mind christians, like the guy who owns this site, but i HATE the ones like you who are so closed minded that they cant see past their own noses except when theyre looking at some book thats not even any good for kindling. and i should know!!
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