dude fsm sucks. i mean, what’s the point in believing in a bunch of pasta with 2 meatballs. the inventor of this thing was drunk when he thought about it. beer and stripper factories in heaven, and that the bunch of pasta created the universe when he was drunk… sucks. you are all inventing things and not remembering our real Creator, God and His son Jesus and the whole Christian belief. you are throwing away Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross for some drunk bunch of pasta?. ………………………………………think well………………………………………
-gardal
dude fsm sucks
Published by Bobby Henderson July 26th, 2007 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 395 Comments
395 Responses to “dude fsm sucks”
Oh dear FSM that miracles thread is painful!
Xians have this wonderful phrase “There’s none so blind as those who will not see”
Seems very apt in this instance!
Excuse me while I go and bang my head against a wall now…..
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Speaking of miracles, there’s a great story about the Pope, Bill Clinton, and the Virgin Mary. The punch line is: “….gee, Your Holiness….I…she…you’re too late….”
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Hahahahahahaha
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Your the asshole, fascist, fsm is just as likely as your beliefs, Your beliefs are solely based on circular logic, that makes no sense at all, for instance, the bible is true because it says it is. boy that makes alot of sense doesnt it. just like fsm, which btw is just a way to say hey, believing in a flying speghetti monster is just as ridiculous as believing in god,(which i do) and its not like were trying to push these beliefs upon you, like what your trying to do to us, because were not fascist. we just believe that circular logic that cant be proven, should not be taught in a science class room.
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Yeah, what he said!! Fascist!!
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RAmen garrett
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Hey people, you know about Jesus and his ‘burning bush’? Well, some people burn Jymsung (sp?) weed and breath the fumes to get high. So some bloke named Jesus found some weed, burned it, and, oh, i dunno, hallucinated that god was talking to him?! Also, the christian ‘god’ was invented by bored sheep herders.
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Religion is lint in the belly button of humanity. FSM is the olive in my martini of life. RAmen
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gardal…Speaking as a non-Christian and one who owns a bread maker, I am unsure as to why you would waste your time on such an inarticulate and non-insightful comment as this, however I am willing to take your advice on how much yeast I should add when making whole-wheat.
Praise FSM, boil until al-dente
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Julie – You are thinking of Moses. Jesus starved himslef in the desert for 40 days and had visions.
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it’s payote time for jesus!
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Christians if you’re troubled by a burning bush, it is probably just thrush and nothing to worry about.
Go and see your doctor and he/she will give you some pills.
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Julie – yeah, what ۞ said :)
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It’s a well known fact that John had a serious mushroom habit! How else do you explain Rudolph the sex-maniac Reindeer in the Book of Revelations?
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i don’t believe i’ve read that passage. could you refer me please?
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When I read the Revelation I always think of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.
The only certainty of the Bible is that who ever wrote the Revelation was doin’ some serious drugs.
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Commodore Angry,
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The Revelation is highly allegorical and cryptic. Although it doesn’t specifically mention Rudolph the sex-maniac reindeer if you analyse the text closely you will realise the references.
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Alchemist has an extraordinary spirituality and doesn’t always realise that not everyone understands the text so clearly.
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I understand Alchemist perfectly, always have.
Those that don’t understand him, just haven’t been there.
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Mornin’ D.
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Ain’t that the truth Brother!
Morning D :)
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@ Alchemist – “It’s a well known fact that John had a serious mushroom habit! How else do you explain Rudolph the sex-maniac Reindeer in the Book of Revelations?” It has to be true! It’s been written! If it’s written down, people must believe it! :)))
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@ ۞ – “Alchemist has an extraordinary spirituality and doesn’t always realise that not everyone understands the text so clearly.” Is that the same thing as “Alchemist is totally nutters?” :)))
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can i just say, to all the Christians who complained, and especially the one that said it was made by a drunk, to him, how do you think your religion was made? and to the rest, now one cares about your opinuen, no matter how hard you force it on others
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People who don’t understand genius often misunderstand it a insanity.
Unfortunately there are far more nutcases claiming to be geniuses than geniuses miscategorised at nutcases.
If you’ve ever read the Revelations you’ll be hard pressed to state with confidence that there isn’t a sub-text about about a sex-maniac reindeer.
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I refer all doubters to the following passage:
AHEM!
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Then I saw another beast, coming out of the earth. He had two horns like a lamb, but he spoke like a dragon…”
Rev: 13:11
Reindeer much? Hum? Well? Speak up disbelievers?
This calls for wisdom. If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is a number of man. His number is 666. I left alone my mind was blank, I needed time to think to get the memories from my mind … sorry, where was I? … Oh yeah..
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Look at the name! Rudolph. If you convert those letters into numbers, so R is 18, U is 21 etc – then the name adds up to 94!
With me so far?
Then if you multiply 94 by 7 (the number of days in a week! Cunning eh?) – you get 658.
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The really cunning bit is the last one – When John wrote the Book of Revelations he was squatting at number 8, The Willows, Gethsemane. So if you add 8 to 658 you get …
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Yes 666!
Proof!
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oops sorry about that – has it gone?
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Easy really,
and congrats to Dan for knowing too!
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@Alchemist
Your logic is no less worthy than that used in the rest of the Bible :) People, put your hands together for what is the best piece of theological scholarship for a long time.
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DutchPastaGuy
Aug 14th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
@Alchemist
Your logic is no less worthy than that used in the rest of the Bible :) People, put your hands together for what is the best piece of theological scholarship for a long time.
*
Bravo! Bravo! well done!
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I’m not against fsm, and i don’t care if you are, but shit there is more than christianity. You guys think you need to convert EVERYONE. As a jew i just don’t understand how you can be so single minded. Stop worrying about other people and start lovin thy neighbor or whatever jesus taught you. dick.
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Claire,…………..it’s parody.
But as you mentioned being jewish there is one thing I feel I must mention. This idea of the jews being His chosen people, errr, WRONG! Pirates are His chosen people. I know you’ve been used to the idea for a long time and got all comfy with it etc. But it’s really wrong. Pirates are His chosen people.
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This is a refreshing and hilarious look at what constitutes a religion.
For those of you in a religion that combines “Choir Boys” with “Pediphile Priests” ….and has a history of Crusades (and killing) for those who don’t choose the Peace and Love of Christianity…. or when the killing of doctors justifies your religious stance on pro-life….
…I would think understanding the concept of IRONY should be a mandatory pre-requisite in the teaching of your religion. GET A CLUE….ACQUIRE A SENSE OF HUMOR!!!
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@A Pastagnostic!
Welcome to the church of the FSM.
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Hi new pirates! Welcome aboard :D
I would offer you some rum, but I drank it all – sorry :D
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Important Note for New Pirates: Booty is lying. She keeps a stash of grog under her bed.
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Damn and blast it!
Do you mind? I already wasted a good glass of wine at the weekend, no need to use up any more!
And, no, you can’t sleep in my bed afterwards….
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۞
Aug 16th, 2007 at 4:56 am
Important Note for New Pirates: Booty is lying. She keeps a stash of grog under her bed.
*
that’s not the way to get her to give you some! New pirates, always be very, very nice to Booty, she is very generous :P
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@Alchemist – hey love the calculations, if you could put that on a chart, well that would just be the cat’s ass!
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Wish I could oblige IB but my graphing skills are chemical in origin. “First draw your curve, the plot your data” (- thanks to Nikki for that one, I think it came from satirewire?)
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What am I talking about! … That’s perfect for theology :)
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Regarding Rudolph!
I was meditating last evening.
It was a beautiful English Summer’s evening! Warm, wet and gnat infested.
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As I studied “The Book of Revelations” I was struck by such insight that my whole world was shook! The very cornerstones of my existence burned!
Anyway, I got rid of the bomber that landed in my lap and continued my study …
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Rev: 17:5 (regarding the woman on the beast)..
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“This title was written on her forehead:
Mystery
Babylon The Great
The Mother Of Prostitutes
And Of The Abominations Of The Earth
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Look at the highlighted letters folks! What more proof do you need?
Rudolph is the beast!
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Bugger! I knew I’d cock it up!
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alchemist-im having trouble finding “rudolph is beast”
another hidden meaning in the bible. very interesting, please share more.
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@ TrueBeliever
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Yeah – I *kinda* made a *little* balls-up. I missed bolding a few letters! Give me a few minutes and I’ll correct it :D
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More hidden meanings? What do you want? Conspiracies and hidden meanings are everywhere – if you know what to look for :D
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This title was written on her forehead:
Mystery
Babylon The Great
The Mother Of Prostitutes
And Of The Abominations Of The Earth
.
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Damnation – I can’t find a “d” anywhere!
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OK – that one was a cock-up :)
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- ooh there it is :) You can fill the rest in :)
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I was making it up TB!
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Have a laugh – it’s fun :)
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@alchemist-i know hidden meanings are every where. i just want to hear more about this one.
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@TB
“@alchemist-i know hidden meanings are every where. i just want to hear more about this one.!
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OK- you’ll have to give me time to discern the message though!
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you can have all the time you want. maybe crack out a bible, make it more believable…or less believable.
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test
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TB – What would you like?
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anything entertaining, i dont really care
maybe something true from the bible, thats normally pretty funny!
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and by true i mean something in the bible, not true. that wouldnt exist.
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Hell fire – you’re a hard audience!
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I looked, and there before me was a white cloud (I’m thinking ’shrooms here), and seated on the cloud (yup – that or LSD) was one like a son of man with a crown of gold on his head and a sharp sickle in his hand …
Rev. 14:14
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Improve on that for humour :D
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i am scared now. i dont want to go find a bible (it would involve moving) but im pretty sure thats real and people actually believe that. and that scares me.
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