Holy Protection

Published June 19th, 2007 by Bobby Henderson

 “His noodley appendage must have been ’round about me, or my auto accident might have been deadly:”



“Notice his holy symbol, unscathed by the 2:00 a.m. rear impact.  Fellow Pastafarians, may you also benefit from his holy protection.”



40 Responses to “Holy Protection”

  1. Prof. B♥♥ty says:

    Punishment, Malc? I didn’t think the FSM was into S&M!
    I thought that was the Xian/Judao dude’s bag?
    Oh well, whatever floats his boat!

  2. ۞ says:

    Holy Protection?
    The Catholic Church launched its own brand of Condoms under that name.
    For some reason they weren’t great sellers…

  3. Laurent says:

    OK, I may be completely crazy, but as Pastafarians who worship pirates in order to fight global warming, isn’t it a little incoherent to own a SUV? It’s great that the FSM would protect it, but by protecting it the FSM is increasing global warming…

    As a pirate, I, for one, ride my bike everywhere. May the FSM protect me and all cyclists!

  4. Gaara the Pirate says:

    laurent i agree. that is why i am happy to take my mom’s old car because
    a. it will last me years before it dies and
    b. it gets 45 miles to the gallon, saving me money, preventing global warm,ing as fast, and making the fsm abit happy.

    christains selling condoms???? i thought it was one of the seven deadly sins, or whatever the hell they are called, to have sex??

    • Captain Loonyhog says:


  5. Aristotle, God of Satire says:

    Hybrid is the way to go. :))

  6. Gaara the Pirate says:

    yeh, i wish it was electric hyprided with solar but i couldn’t find one for sale and it would have been too expensive.

    ~buy used instead of new, you often save money and you don’t cause as much global warming.
    ~don’t buy SUV’s, campers, or big truck unless you need them and use them often. i see parents with only one child buy these massive family SUV’s when the kid could be just as happy in a normal car.

  7. Captain Loonyhog says:

    We need more sail powered vehicles.

    • Keith says:

      I agree. They are slow but they get you there in the end.

      • The Sauceror says:

        Is “sail” a new form of energy, and is there any reason I can’t put it in my vehicle right now?

        • Rasputin says:

          Put a borched mesom on a treadmill with shaft drive to the rear axle.

        • Keith says:

          You could try wind skating. I know it would be illegal to go on the road (or indeed footpath) where I live but you may live under more relaxed laws.

        • The Sauceror says:

          Rasputin, hey, that’s an even better idea than my original idea of hooking a wind powered generator on my truck so that whenever I go for a drive, I can have all the free energy I could possibly ever want. I was thinking of hooking the generator up to my hot water heater so that I could have all my hot water heated for free. Sail powered hot water heaters are great as long as you remember not to fill them with unthawed water. Unthawed water is great for mixing into margaritas, whiskey, and other suitable alcohol related beverages, but it sure plugs up a hot water heater (I’ll never make that mistake again). I really like your idea of hooking up a borched mesom to a treadmill to power my truck and my hot water heater, but I’ve discovered that borched mesoms don’t do anything for free– actually, they don’t do much of anything at all, free or other-wise. I wonder if a sail powered borched mesom generator is a reasonable solution. Maybe we should ask a physicist that question. Does anyone around here know a physicist?

        • The Sauceror says:

          Dear Keith, I do live under more relaxed laws. In the northern hemisphere the laws of gravity are not nearly as strict as they are in the southern hemisphere. That’s why so many of our bible thumpers have no problem keeping their heads in the clouds.

  8. Rasputin says:

    Dear Sauceror, heads in the clouds? I’ve never heard a rectum described as a cloud before.

    • The Sauceror says:

      You might be surprised at all the sh*t that bible thumpers see up there.

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