I almost got shot. kinda.
A few days ago, as I was leaving my apartment, a car sped across the parking lot to intercept me. I had just about reached my car when I noticed the driver stopping directly behind my car, blocking me. The two passengers jumped out of the car and came straight at me.
I get a lot of hate-mail and I’ve had more than a few death threats. I keep my address a secret, but I’ve had people track me down in the past. So, when I saw a car speed up and two people jump out, it freaked me out.
One of them asked me if I valued the mind and body benefits of exercise. I said yes and that I needed to get going. They assured me that they’d move the car, but perhaps I wanted to take some reading material with me to look over when I had more time.
So I took their pamphlet. My only excuse is that I thought I was going to get stabbed or something, and I just wanted to get out of there. It wasn’t until later that I looked at the pamphlet. It slowly went from exercise to Jesus. It turned out to be disguised Jehovah’s Witness propaganda, the Watchtower. I figured that they tricked me fair and square, so I felt obligated to read it.
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What I learned by this experience
The pamphlet, itself, was kind of Jesusy. But it gave me some fantastic ideas for expanding the Pastafarian congregation. Clearly, the way to get more members is to trick them; make them think they’re signing up for one thing and then – bam – all the sudden you hit them with the gospel-speak, and you’ve got them.
So, I’ve decided that we’re going to do a similar campaign to trick people into joining FSM, specifically, members of other religions, especially the religions who propagandize. I figure that we’ve already got the open-minded people, now we need the gullible ones.
Internet advertising - like magic, but nerdier
You can target advertisements to specific categories of websites. We’re going to be targeting competing religious websites. Any religion who hands out pamphlets is fair game. Lots of religious websites sell ad-space through 3rd parties, and we’ll be able to place OUR ads on their pages, and steal their members.
It’ll work like this: their members will go to the church websites as usual, and they’ll see a small ad suggesting that there is more to their religion. Some of them will click the ad and be brought to a specific catch page, where they’ll hear fantastic arguments on why they should convert.
I need your help with any of the following:
1) Specific strategies for each religion. For example, for Jehovah’s Witnesses, we could push that we, also, reject Orthodox Christianity. And the strategies don’t need to be that on-topic. The Jehovah’s Witnesses got me with an exercise pamphlet, we could just as easily have a pirate angle or something. We’ll have different strategies for the other religions - Mormons, Young Earth Christians, Scientologists, etc. Let’s brainstorm. Either post in the comments or send me an email at bobby.henderson@gmail.com
2) Nich text ads. We need short, catchy text ads that will appeal to each of the target religions. The content of these ads will be more clear once we’ve established our strategies for each religion.
3) Small Image Ads. People with art skills, get creative. Same deal with the text ads, we’re going to know more once we know what our angle is. We’ll need ads in the following dimensions:
200×200
250×250
468×60
336×280
4)Individual Catch Pages. Once they click the ad, they’ll be brought to a page on the FSM site which will expand on the idea presented in the ad and slowly make the argument that they should convert to Pastafarianism. I need help with this.
5) Money. I’ve put aside a few thousand for this. Ads cost between $0.25 and upwards of $5 per thousand views. I’m hoping for a budget of at least $5k. If you want to help, you can either donate, or buy some FSM merchandise.
So, that’s my idea. What do you think?
You did better than me DPG - I only lasted a paragraph.
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Here’s a link that Nikkiee gave me. It’s probably been posted earlier. With a few more newish folks on board it’s time for another airing.
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Creationists’ Tactics
http://www.sullivan-county.com/bush/tactics.htm
Evolution is a testable parsimonious theory for which much evidence has been collected, and no contrary evidence has been found. It is infinitely the most scientific plausible theory of how life began - what is not scientific about it?
@DutchPastaGuy - you are SO patient.
@Cat, assuming you’re not being ironic
It doesn’t take much patience at all. Really, if you want to learn something about evolution you could spend half an hour or less on the web and then reading the pdfs you find. And you’d be much the wiser and more knowledgeable for it. Creationists are such an excellent demonstration of how religion is often anti-thinking, anti-inquisitiveness, anti-critical questions. How can anyone expect us make progress if we would all adhere to that?
Pete,
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It is very well documented (indeed) that the FSM created the universe with photons in flight from the distant galaxies as though they’d been there for billions of years when they hadn’t.
Derr! He’s an omnipotent creator and can what he likes when he likes as quickly as he likes.
This Christian God is a bit feeble if it takes him all that time to do things.
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What is the paradox that if God created the world to look old he may well have done that 3 minutes ago called?
It has someones name attached to it.
@ DutchPastaGuy
I was not being ironic, but I meant your patience with arguing the case instead of just giving up. I’m studying an evolutionary genetics course, so I’m fairly clued up on the evolution bit at the moment, but I just get so frustarated by people who deliberately misrepresent the facts, slander all scientists and promote opinion, that I just can’t make a coherant arguement!
@Cat
Well hang around, sounds you’re someone who could contribute very useful things here. The science vessel in the Pastafarian pirate fleet is well stocked with physicists, but undermanned in the biology department. Most fundies are so ignorant that a general grasp of science is enough to disspel their nonsense. But if any better quality opponenst ever show up then you and Nikkiee can lecture them on the molecular details of it.
I can’t I just get angry and have to head off for a beer - Fundies are not doing my liver any favours. Nikkiee can reign supreme over biology. Actually it’s Grolsch o’clock now… see you!
I’m all for putting ads in other religion’s websites. It’s not exactly tricking people like the JH does but will give a chance for more people to ‘discover’ FSM on their own.
My, I’ve missed a fair bit of fun over the past few days.
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A few highlights I saw whilst looking back(only got about halfway through before my brain died), and would like to comment on:
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1.)“No human mind, however intelligent, could so accurately predict future events.â€
-Hari freakin’ Seldon. Ever read the Foundation series by Isaac Asimov? He knew more science than all your bible writers put together(not to mention he wrote it all himself, in his lifetime). He has published something like >300 books in every subject you can imagine; one of the most famous being the Foundation series. In it, there is a bright man named Hari Seldon, who is a “psychohistorian”. There is no more proof of your Jesus than there is of Hari Seldon, and yet, he made predictions much, much more specific than anything Jesus ever said.
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2.)”According to Bible usage, a day is a measured period of time and can be a thousand years or many thousands of years.”
-So your all-powerful god needs thousands of years to make the Earth, when any smart creator would just snap his fingers and be done. When you can do the same job in an instant that you can in an eon, why waste time?
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3.)”Historic accuracy”
-Are you suggesting that since ‘War and Peace’ takes place during real events, and many of the details are very accurate, that the characters in it were real?
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4.)”The Bible”
-You say that JWs follow the Bible, er, with religious zeal. But, you make it clear some of it isn’t supposed to be taken literally, but rather investigated for deeper proof. Does this include or exclude the parts about stoning children who are disobedient, removing the hands of a woman who grabs another man’s “private parts”(if so, I am owed a couple of wenches’ hands), and other violent intolerant behaviors? What about the passages that can pretty much only be interpreted literally which horrendously contradict themselves? What about in the back where it says “This story is entirely fictional. Any simil…” oh, wait; I wrote that there.
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I just wanted to address those major ones. If anything better popped up, let me know. I’m not going into my generic “Silly Santa Claus” speech.
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I need some grog.
ok, I am new here but great site! I haven’t read a lot of posts yet but this one caught my attention because of the JW’s. My wife is a JW and I can tell you that jon and pete are JW’s also. They are very much like fundamentalists, just with different beliefs.
My wife and I have learned to live with our differences, and some is explained on my blog, with more to come as I am a new blogger. JW’s will mostly only send you to Watchtower sites as they are taught to not use another religions/non-believers literature. Even if they do start to read some they will get into a great debate like you have here with no one relenting. They will skew the facts, like the fact that piltdown man was a hoax but there are dozens of fossils of Neanderthals (that lost out in the survival of the fittest) and homo-erectuses (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fossil_sites and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homo_erectus) since you seem to like wikipedia.
I have read many Watchtowers and Awake!’s and I am always amazed at how they skew everything to fit the Bible and their beliefs. The Noah flood story and the Genesis six day fact you all are trying to debate is just the beginning. I know jon and pete will never go to this site, and even if they do they will scoff at it, but the best arguments against the Noah flood I have seen are here–http://www.biblicalnonsense.com/chapter6.html. I have had this debate numerous times with my wife and she still believes it happened. She will just find an old Watchtower for me to read because she has no valid way to argue her points. Science must be wrong about there never being a catastrophic flood 4-5000 years ago!
All of that being said, JW’s are one of the few Christian religions, IMO that actually study the Bible and members of the congregation are held accountable to do the right things. If not they are dis-fellowshipped. Most (not all) JW’s are some of the most moral people around and have strong family values. On those topics I can agree with them. On religion, I think I may be converting to the Spaghetti Monster.
@Cat
“Nikkiee can reign supreme over biology.”
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Uh uh….not by a long shot. Just that some of the real experts aren’t around on site that often. I know for a fact that some of them are keeping themselves quite busy on other anti-ID sites. :))) Coleoptera comes immediately to mind.
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On another note….for the JWs who probably haven’t read this!
“Lord Under Investigation For Failure To Provide”
www.theonion.com/content/node/30680
@ dantes_torment - I’ve missed a lot too! It’s hopeless to try and keep up with everything. I’m very glad you brought up Hari Seldon. That series is one that hubby and I try to get everyone to read. Excellent! Your other points are excellent as well!
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Since I’m so far behind I won’t weigh in myself unless I get a chance to read up later…
To Pete, for posting so much in defense of his beliefs,
This is the website of the Pastafarian religion, not a public forum for religious debate.
Does the Jehovah’s Witness organization approve of you going to other churches to (1) learn what they believe directly from them, (2) defend your beliefs before their entire congregation, or (3) leave copies of the Watchtower in their pews?
I admit, that was a leading question - of course the answer is “no.”
Defending your faith publicly is one thing, but going out of your way to enter into the meeting place of another religion (i.e. this website) to do so… that is quite another.
@OutsideView - Some Pastafarians actually like these discussions with anti-Pastafarians. Instead of going out to find fundies or Jehovah’s Witness, Pastafarians lie in wait for them to come here (because the “evilness” of CoFSM seems to draw them in like moths are drawn to a lamp; they feel a strong desire to criticize the “Infidels”).
Of course, you’re still entitled to your own opinion. I’m just pointing out that it has some conflicts with the views of others.
I myself am mainly neutral on the subject. If someone wants to argue for his or her side of the argument, be my guest.
@ Pete
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Please explain how evolution isn’t scientific - I’m intruiged as to how you put more scientific value in the bible. What are your criteria for something being scientific? Do these match up with the accepted definition of scientific? And by that I mean the dictionary definition, not a paragraph of the bible that you have chosen to interpret in any way you think best fits the facts you can’t deny.
@ Pete
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I have neither the time nor the inclination to read your abysmal post. My eyes glazed over and my pulse became thready after two sentences. In the words of Phoebe from Friends, “I wish I could, but I don’t want to.” I, for one, am beyond your reach entirely.
Pete
May 23rd, 2007 at 10:14 am
Sorry thesorgo. To sum it up Evolution is not scientific.
“Many scientists succumb to the temptation to be dogmatic, . . . over and over again the question of the origin of the species has been presented as if it were finally settled. Nothing could be further from the truth. . . . But the tendency to be dogmatic persists, and it does no service to the cause of science.â€â€”The Guardian, London, England, December 4, 1980, p. 15.
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Oooooooooooooohhhhhhh, science is dogmatic and religion is ehm not?
Puh-lease, we’re not the easily swayed IDiots here.
We actually have some real knowledge, and we (=whispers=) use our own brains! Oh, I read most posts even the long ones, but that one of yours: no way. There are limits you know.
It’s just such a bugga about that plethora of supporting scientific evidence isn’t it Pete!
You know the stuff I mean….peer reviewed and published in reputable science journals . You really should learn a few of development genetics/biology concepts and read some of those research findings. (:)))
RAmen
Red DutchPasta Wench
“Oh, I read most posts even the long ones, but that one of yours: no way. There are limits you know.”
The truth hurts I guess