I almost got shot. kinda.
A few days ago, as I was leaving my apartment, a car sped across the parking lot to intercept me. I had just about reached my car when I noticed the driver stopping directly behind my car, blocking me. The two passengers jumped out of the car and came straight at me.
I get a lot of hate-mail and I’ve had more than a few death threats. I keep my address a secret, but I’ve had people track me down in the past. So, when I saw a car speed up and two people jump out, it freaked me out.
One of them asked me if I valued the mind and body benefits of exercise. I said yes and that I needed to get going. They assured me that they’d move the car, but perhaps I wanted to take some reading material with me to look over when I had more time.
So I took their pamphlet. My only excuse is that I thought I was going to get stabbed or something, and I just wanted to get out of there. It wasn’t until later that I looked at the pamphlet. It slowly went from exercise to Jesus. It turned out to be disguised Jehovah’s Witness propaganda, the Watchtower. I figured that they tricked me fair and square, so I felt obligated to read it.
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What I learned by this experience
The pamphlet, itself, was kind of Jesusy. But it gave me some fantastic ideas for expanding the Pastafarian congregation. Clearly, the way to get more members is to trick them; make them think they’re signing up for one thing and then – bam – all the sudden you hit them with the gospel-speak, and you’ve got them.
So, I’ve decided that we’re going to do a similar campaign to trick people into joining FSM, specifically, members of other religions, especially the religions who propagandize. I figure that we’ve already got the open-minded people, now we need the gullible ones.
Internet advertising - like magic, but nerdier
You can target advertisements to specific categories of websites. We’re going to be targeting competing religious websites. Any religion who hands out pamphlets is fair game. Lots of religious websites sell ad-space through 3rd parties, and we’ll be able to place OUR ads on their pages, and steal their members.
It’ll work like this: their members will go to the church websites as usual, and they’ll see a small ad suggesting that there is more to their religion. Some of them will click the ad and be brought to a specific catch page, where they’ll hear fantastic arguments on why they should convert.
I need your help with any of the following:
1) Specific strategies for each religion. For example, for Jehovah’s Witnesses, we could push that we, also, reject Orthodox Christianity. And the strategies don’t need to be that on-topic. The Jehovah’s Witnesses got me with an exercise pamphlet, we could just as easily have a pirate angle or something. We’ll have different strategies for the other religions - Mormons, Young Earth Christians, Scientologists, etc. Let’s brainstorm. Either post in the comments or send me an email at bobby.henderson@gmail.com
2) Nich text ads. We need short, catchy text ads that will appeal to each of the target religions. The content of these ads will be more clear once we’ve established our strategies for each religion.
3) Small Image Ads. People with art skills, get creative. Same deal with the text ads, we’re going to know more once we know what our angle is. We’ll need ads in the following dimensions:
200×200
250×250
468×60
336×280
4)Individual Catch Pages. Once they click the ad, they’ll be brought to a page on the FSM site which will expand on the idea presented in the ad and slowly make the argument that they should convert to Pastafarianism. I need help with this.
5) Money. I’ve put aside a few thousand for this. Ads cost between $0.25 and upwards of $5 per thousand views. I’m hoping for a budget of at least $5k. If you want to help, you can either donate, or buy some FSM merchandise.
So, that’s my idea. What do you think?
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“This sounds like paranoia, but even paranoids have people watching them.”
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Just coz you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you! True!
Shushhhhhh!
oops :)
What I would like to see is jon using a different source, other then a website about his religion.
“kev3056 May 18th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
What I would like to see is jon using a different source, other then a website about his religion.”
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Oh, I don’t think I’d go there. If someone asks a pastafarian the same question.
Why, we’d be up a tree without a paddle.
“ul’n Spegel, meaning “wipe the arse”.”
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hehehehehehe…….
possible fossil evidence?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gigantopithecus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skunk_Ape
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Almas_%28cryptozoology%29
“If someone asks a pastafarian the same question.
Why, we’d be up a tree without a paddle.”
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I don’t know - I didn’t understand a bloody word of it!
To Jon… your posts are giving me the greatest laugh of my life!! I’ve seen brainwashed people come and go on this site but you win the grand prize!! Keep them works of fart… I mean art… a-comin’!!!
@Twinky Winky May 18th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
We have the Gospel (hardbound book).
Bobbys letter (page of exercise book) and a lot of t shirts.
What other sources do you need. Hey? Mr Picky.
Are you a Mr “doesn’t matter what sources you’ve got I’m just going to deny you” fundamentalist?
Thats not true Twinky, we have:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster
The God Delusion also mentions the FSM.
The FSM was even mentioned in Dec/Jan in Science magazine!
Besides most of us believe in evolution anyway.
Pete May 18th, 2007 at 7:19 am
“There are 7 million JW’s in 235 country’s - from all walks of life”
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There are only 193 countries in the world. I know this doesn’t really add to any of today’s debates–I just had to say it.
Wow! What a feast this has turned into since I was away only for hours!
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Wench Nikkiee, you’re doing sterling work as ever with links to interesting info.
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Pete, jon, you two wouldn’t understand a work of science if your mother slowly read it to you at bedtime, would you? Where shall I start? The point that kev3056 makes about sources is not a bad one.
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Have you guys ever heard of peer review? It means that anything that is published in a quality scientific journal has been critically reviewed by a knowledgeable and anonymous person in the field and was only published if found to be up to standard. And no, one ICR fellow signing off on the work of the guy in the next office is not peer review. You guys quote the watchtower website a lot and books, including those by Behe. I had given up on you guys earlier than that, but that further pulverised the dam that had already crumbled anyway. Behe is the IDiot who was so humiliated at the Dover trial. Let me quote the judge in his ruling:
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“First, defense expert Professor Fuller agreed that ID aspires to “change the ground rules†of science and lead defense expert Professor Behe admitted that his broadened definition of science, which encompasses ID, would also embrace astrology. (28:26 (Fuller); 21:37-42 (Behe)). Moreover, defense expert Professor Minnich acknowledged that for ID to
be considered science, the ground rules of science have to be broadened to allow consideration of supernatural forces. (38:97 (Minnich)).”
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Yes, you read that correct, astrology. That’s the level the man you quote is actually on. Try and put anything up here with some miniscule amount of credibility.
And of course you guys came up with all the old canards that were disproven so long ago. Look up the Ken Miller thread on this site if you want to learn something, his YouTube webcast would be truly educational for you two.
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But I guess I should go easy on you, given your ill state of health. I do hope you will both recover soon from your verbal diarrhea. Those lenghty bible quotes, oh my FSM. And then the very best of all: claiming the bible as having a scientific basis!!. Oh dear.
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But do please stick around. We’ve prayed to the almighty FSM that in His great mercy, for He is merciful indeed, he would end the fundie drought and rain fundies down on us. We are eternally grateful to Him for answering our prayers and we would of course accept His great gift and keep you guys always.
Do my eyes deceive me? Do we have an actual Jehovah’s Witness here? The only thing that’s grabbed me so far is Jon’s suggestion that we go to a Jehovah’s Witnesses Bible study if we have an open mind. I do have an open mind, but it’s not so open that anything can randomly fall in and be absorbed.
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I can think of many activities I could do that would be worse than going to a JW Bible study group, and if in some parallel universe I had to make a choice between going to one and, say… taking a bunch of psychiatric patients to a state fair, which I have done, it would be a tough call.
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I guess I’d end up at the fair. All I had to do was to try to steer them away from the knife vendors and make sure everyone got their meds on time. Well, there was that one time a patient fed a cigarette to a goat. Yeah, I’d definitely choose the fair. Good times.
AteAllMyYummyPasta May 18th, 2007 at 11:30 am
@Alchemist
Most JWs will eat meat if it is properly bled, in my experience anyway many JWs i knew liked kosher meats for this reason. A lot of JWs I grew up with however avoided (obviously) things like blood sausages, or cheap brands of hot dogs or italian meats that may have more significant quantities of blood in them..
This thread is a long time ago, but I just have to add something here: kosher meat is not at all less blooded than regular meat, it is mere animal torture nothing else. Kosher just means that the animal is blooded by full awareness of everything. In the regular way, the animal is conscienceless, but the heart is still beating and the blooding is exactly the same. You don’t need to be aware of your killing to shed blood!! Just the heartbeat needed here. I don’t think any god would appreciate this torture! It is even more unhealthy, cause the animal sends out a lot of stress hormones in its meat. So, please, don’t eat kosher meat, nothing against religious culture here, but I’m against the torture of living beings!!
Ok so I’m being sarcastic again. I used to be polite, but now I’m just tired. a Jehovah’s Witness accosted my daughter in my driveway recently, and it made me angry. What if she had special needs and such an interaction would send her over some emotional cliff? Shouldn’t someone get an adult’s permission before talking to a minor?
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It was presumptuous and rude of that lady and her young companion to try to impose their ideas on my daughter. I resent their intrusion into my afternoon, and there’s no way I’d ever go to a Bible study group of the the Jehovah’s Witnesses or anyone else’s. I have an open mind, but it’s selective.
I’ve got to go read more of my book on evolution. I’m at the part where it’s presenting the common ancestor we share with cichlid fish. Now this is information I can appreciate! And, the author didn’t show up at my door wanting me to read it, thank you very much.
To DPG… RAmen to your enlightening post!
I just noticed some of the xtian ads down the side of an Aussie satire web page I linked earlier. I’ll pay a bit more attention to those now! :))
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GOD NAMES NEXT “CHOSEN PEOPLE”; IT’S JEWS AGAIN
“Oh Shit,” Say Jews
http://www.satirewire.com/news/march02/chosen.shtml