I almost got shot. kinda.
A few days ago, as I was leaving my apartment, a car sped across the parking lot to intercept me. I had just about reached my car when I noticed the driver stopping directly behind my car, blocking me. The two passengers jumped out of the car and came straight at me.
I get a lot of hate-mail and I’ve had more than a few death threats. I keep my address a secret, but I’ve had people track me down in the past. So, when I saw a car speed up and two people jump out, it freaked me out.
One of them asked me if I valued the mind and body benefits of exercise. I said yes and that I needed to get going. They assured me that they’d move the car, but perhaps I wanted to take some reading material with me to look over when I had more time.
So I took their pamphlet. My only excuse is that I thought I was going to get stabbed or something, and I just wanted to get out of there. It wasn’t until later that I looked at the pamphlet. It slowly went from exercise to Jesus. It turned out to be disguised Jehovah’s Witness propaganda, the Watchtower. I figured that they tricked me fair and square, so I felt obligated to read it.
… 
What I learned by this experience
The pamphlet, itself, was kind of Jesusy. But it gave me some fantastic ideas for expanding the Pastafarian congregation. Clearly, the way to get more members is to trick them; make them think they’re signing up for one thing and then – bam – all the sudden you hit them with the gospel-speak, and you’ve got them.
So, I’ve decided that we’re going to do a similar campaign to trick people into joining FSM, specifically, members of other religions, especially the religions who propagandize. I figure that we’ve already got the open-minded people, now we need the gullible ones.
Internet advertising - like magic, but nerdier
You can target advertisements to specific categories of websites. We’re going to be targeting competing religious websites. Any religion who hands out pamphlets is fair game. Lots of religious websites sell ad-space through 3rd parties, and we’ll be able to place OUR ads on their pages, and steal their members.
It’ll work like this: their members will go to the church websites as usual, and they’ll see a small ad suggesting that there is more to their religion. Some of them will click the ad and be brought to a specific catch page, where they’ll hear fantastic arguments on why they should convert.
I need your help with any of the following:
1) Specific strategies for each religion. For example, for Jehovah’s Witnesses, we could push that we, also, reject Orthodox Christianity. And the strategies don’t need to be that on-topic. The Jehovah’s Witnesses got me with an exercise pamphlet, we could just as easily have a pirate angle or something. We’ll have different strategies for the other religions - Mormons, Young Earth Christians, Scientologists, etc. Let’s brainstorm. Either post in the comments or send me an email at bobby.henderson@gmail.com
2) Nich text ads. We need short, catchy text ads that will appeal to each of the target religions. The content of these ads will be more clear once we’ve established our strategies for each religion.
3) Small Image Ads. People with art skills, get creative. Same deal with the text ads, we’re going to know more once we know what our angle is. We’ll need ads in the following dimensions:
200×200
250×250
468×60
336×280
4)Individual Catch Pages. Once they click the ad, they’ll be brought to a page on the FSM site which will expand on the idea presented in the ad and slowly make the argument that they should convert to Pastafarianism. I need help with this.
5) Money. I’ve put aside a few thousand for this. Ads cost between $0.25 and upwards of $5 per thousand views. I’m hoping for a budget of at least $5k. If you want to help, you can either donate, or buy some FSM merchandise.
So, that’s my idea. What do you think?
Man that jon guy is bad at answering questions.
Err…. “is that Discovery…..”
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“colonic irrigation”? Is that what the “hose” thing is all about? :p))
Jon, i’m not trying to be rude, but how do I say it? You just don’t seem to understand how science works. When a couple people who call themselves scientists are quoted “feeling” a certain way.. that doesn’t “prove” anything. That is just not what science is about. You want to talk abou the evidence, then talk ABOUT the ACTUAL evidence. A good place to start is www.talkorigins.org. It has a massive FAQ explaining MANY common misconceptions about evolutionary theory. If you read through it, you will discover that you’ve brought no new arguments to the table we haven’t already heard many times before…
Princess Diana was in to colonic irrigation.
Pity she wasn’t in to seat belts.
Would have done her a lot more good I can tell you.
It was the link wasn’t it? :D
@Nikkiee: colonic irrigation� Is that what the “hose†thing is all about?
I’m as broad minded as the next person and for the sake of argument Alchemist is the next person!
But I draw the line somewhere before that. Ewwww.
I’ve been reading her posts, she really is quite depraved!
@AteAllMyYummyPasta
“A good place to start is www.talkorigins.org. It has a massive FAQ explaining MANY common misconceptions about evolutionary theory.”
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RAmen AteAllMyYummyPasta
The same site I would have been linking. Talk Origins rocks! (:))
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Well Ûž I briefly saw something about you and Rowdy and a hose…..(:))
Reynard teh Fox
“I’ve been reading her posts, she really is quite depraved!”
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Who me?
Thanks (:)))
Hey - no problem Nikki :)
OMFSM people - I leave for 3 hours and I’m hopelessly behind! And I’ll be gone all weekend too! :( Hubby says to watch out for the twitching - will have terrible withdrawls from being gone from you lot!
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Must go do some housework…boring! Boring! No “Rowdier Wench” activities involved in that…needs must though.
Bobby, I do not believe the seriousness of what happened to you has sunk in. Let me explain what I mean.
These “JW’s” block your car in after spotting you. This is intimidation, a direct threat to your person and an infringement of your rights as a citizen.
Gee….let’s see……
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Reynard the Fox
“Reynard the Fox….is a trickster figure whose tale is told in a number of anthropomorphic fables from medieval Europe.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reynard_the_Fox
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vs.
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Trickster
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trickster
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You sound awfully familiar Reynard :)
May 18th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
“Nikkiee, That ‘God Formula’ viddie clip has been removed.”
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Bummer…..I watched when it came up over at Dawkins….ridiculous! It was a clip from what looked to be an American TV news hour or something. I linked it here back then but that was a week or so ago :((
Only reference I can see over there for it :(
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Video God Exists. A Formula Proves it.
KCTV5 News
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http://richarddawkins.net/article,985,God-Exists-A-Formula-Proves-it,KCTV5-News
Now? What was that song? Something about telling all to the world? :)
Only as obvious as the links….most don’t check…safe (:)))
Don’t know, but this song is Super Duper wonderful!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=447dXCR5pVY
Anyone serious would try harder than that (:))))
Bobby, I do not believe the seriousness of what happened to you has sunk in. Let me explain what I mean.
These “JW’s” block your car in after spotting you. This is intimidation, a direct threat to your person and an infringement of your rights as a citizen.
Second, they hand you this pamphlet with religous overtones. That is the bait. Looking for the Bobby Henderson that runs the FSM website and knowing that the reglious aspect would have him blogging about it. The hook, however, is the date on the pamphlet. A different dated pamphlet to each Bobby Henderson you find and the one that pops up is your guy. This sounds like paranoia, but even paranoids have people watching them.
Listen, I can be wrong, I hope I am, I like what you’ve done here. Just watch yourself, OK?