I almost got shot. kinda.
A few days ago, as I was leaving my apartment, a car sped across the parking lot to intercept me. I had just about reached my car when I noticed the driver stopping directly behind my car, blocking me. The two passengers jumped out of the car and came straight at me.
I get a lot of hate-mail and I’ve had more than a few death threats. I keep my address a secret, but I’ve had people track me down in the past. So, when I saw a car speed up and two people jump out, it freaked me out.
One of them asked me if I valued the mind and body benefits of exercise. I said yes and that I needed to get going. They assured me that they’d move the car, but perhaps I wanted to take some reading material with me to look over when I had more time.
So I took their pamphlet. My only excuse is that I thought I was going to get stabbed or something, and I just wanted to get out of there. It wasn’t until later that I looked at the pamphlet. It slowly went from exercise to Jesus. It turned out to be disguised Jehovah’s Witness propaganda, the Watchtower. I figured that they tricked me fair and square, so I felt obligated to read it.
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What I learned by this experience
The pamphlet, itself, was kind of Jesusy. But it gave me some fantastic ideas for expanding the Pastafarian congregation. Clearly, the way to get more members is to trick them; make them think they’re signing up for one thing and then – bam – all the sudden you hit them with the gospel-speak, and you’ve got them.
So, I’ve decided that we’re going to do a similar campaign to trick people into joining FSM, specifically, members of other religions, especially the religions who propagandize. I figure that we’ve already got the open-minded people, now we need the gullible ones.
Internet advertising - like magic, but nerdier
You can target advertisements to specific categories of websites. We’re going to be targeting competing religious websites. Any religion who hands out pamphlets is fair game. Lots of religious websites sell ad-space through 3rd parties, and we’ll be able to place OUR ads on their pages, and steal their members.
It’ll work like this: their members will go to the church websites as usual, and they’ll see a small ad suggesting that there is more to their religion. Some of them will click the ad and be brought to a specific catch page, where they’ll hear fantastic arguments on why they should convert.
I need your help with any of the following:
1) Specific strategies for each religion. For example, for Jehovah’s Witnesses, we could push that we, also, reject Orthodox Christianity. And the strategies don’t need to be that on-topic. The Jehovah’s Witnesses got me with an exercise pamphlet, we could just as easily have a pirate angle or something. We’ll have different strategies for the other religions - Mormons, Young Earth Christians, Scientologists, etc. Let’s brainstorm. Either post in the comments or send me an email at bobby.henderson@gmail.com
2) Nich text ads. We need short, catchy text ads that will appeal to each of the target religions. The content of these ads will be more clear once we’ve established our strategies for each religion.
3) Small Image Ads. People with art skills, get creative. Same deal with the text ads, we’re going to know more once we know what our angle is. We’ll need ads in the following dimensions:
200×200
250×250
468×60
336×280
4)Individual Catch Pages. Once they click the ad, they’ll be brought to a page on the FSM site which will expand on the idea presented in the ad and slowly make the argument that they should convert to Pastafarianism. I need help with this.
5) Money. I’ve put aside a few thousand for this. Ads cost between $0.25 and upwards of $5 per thousand views. I’m hoping for a budget of at least $5k. If you want to help, you can either donate, or buy some FSM merchandise.
So, that’s my idea. What do you think?
One more thing…all the various literal fundamentalist groups claim they are different from each other…yet they all use identical discredited “creation science” arguments?
Jon,
Apologies. I sometimes forget that you religious guys differentiate yourselves so fiercly.
Its all very similar misguided nonsense to me.
Its very much “We believe in God because we read a book that told us he exists”.
You can surely see why I think that is a quite extraordinary and rather foolish way to behave.
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Are you saying you believe the Genesis Chapter 1 account?
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What about the discrepancies in Chapter 2?
Errr….Jon…you don know that computers are not biological systems, which inherit their survival characteristics via genetic inheritance…..don’t you?
Wench Nikkiee
“What jon doesn’t seem to get is that fossil evidence nowadays accounts for only a fraction of the evidence supporting evolutionary theory.” - I’m not talking about the other evidence - I’m talking about the fossil record - We can only talk about one thing at a time - and the fossil record does not add up in favor of evolution I’m sorry.
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20001008/article_01.htm
“From Self-Reproducing Cell to Man
What are the chances of atoms collecting together to form the simplest self-reproducing cell? In his book A Guided Tour of the Living Cell, Nobel Prize-winning scientist Christian de Duve admits: “If you equate the probability of the birth of a bacterial cell to that of the chance assembly of its component atoms, even eternity will not suffice to produce one for you.”
Having come thus far, let us take a giant leap from one bacterial cell to the billions of specialized nerve cells that make up the human brain. Scientists describe the human brain as the most complicated physical structure in the known universe. It is truly unique. For example, large sections of the human brain are called association areas. These areas analyze and interpret information that comes from the sensory part of the brain. One of the association areas behind your forehead enables you to contemplate the marvels of the universe. Can chance processes really explain the existence of such association areas? “Equivalents of significant parts of these areas are not found in any other animal,” admits evolutionist Dr. Sherwin Nuland in his book The Wisdom of the Body.
Scientists have proved that the human brain processes information at a much faster rate than the most powerful computer. Bear in mind that modern computer technology has resulted from decades of human effort. What about the superior human brain? Two scientists, John Barrow and Frank Tipler, admit the following in their book The Anthropic Cosmological Principle: “There has developed a general consensus among evolutionists that the evolution of intelligent life, comparable in information-processing ability to that of Homo sapiens, is so improbable that it is unlikely to have occurred on any other planet in the entire visible universe.” Our existence, these scientists conclude, is “an extremely fortuitous accident.”
I’m off now - thanks
Nikkiee,
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I dunno. My ZX Spectrum kicked ass. That must be a survival trait!
“Are you saying you believe the Genesis Chapter 1 account?”
This has already been explained a number of times
“The Creative Days—24 Hours Each?
Some fundamentalists claim that creationism rather than evolution explains pre-human history. They assert that all physical creation was produced in just six days of 24 hours each sometime between 6,000 and 10,000 years ago. But in doing so, they promote an unscriptural teaching that has caused many to ridicule the Bible.
Is a day in the Bible always literally 24 hours in length? Genesis 2:4 speaks of “the day that Jehovah God made earth and heaven.” This one day encompasses all six of the creative days of Genesis chapter 1. According to Bible usage, a day is a measured period of time and can be a thousand years or many thousands of years. The Bible’s creative days allow for thousands of years of time each. Further, the earth was already in existence before the creative days began. (Genesis 1:1) On this point, therefore, the Bible account is compatible with true science.—2 Peter 3:8.
Commenting on claims that the creative days were only 24 literal hours in length, molecular biologist Francis Collins remarks: “Creationism has done more harm to serious notions of belief than anything in modern history.” http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2002/6/8/article_01.htm
ZX Spectrums did kicked ass
Wow - this is one late Rugby match!
Hope the other team aren’t too evolved for you Jon!
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Well I’m wide awake again. No matter…I’ll sleep when I’m dead….that is if people don’t keep refilling my drink from the volcano. :))
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Oh Jon :(
“Two scientists, John Barrow and Frank Tipler, admit the following in their book The Anthropic Cosmological Principle: “There has developed a general consensus among evolutionists that the evolution of intelligent life, comparable in information-processing ability to that of Homo sapiens, is so improbable that it is unlikely to have occurred on any other planet in the entire visible universe.†Our existence, these scientists conclude, is “an extremely fortuitous accident.—
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I’m assuming, fairly correctly I’d say, you’re referring to this Frank Tipler:
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God Exists. A Formula Proves it.
http://richarddawkins.net/article,985,God-Exists-A-Formula-Proves-it,KCTV5-News
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Oh dear!
This Frank Tipler?
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http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/graham_oppy/tipler.html
Oh and Jon.
When, and if, you return, I’ll make a deal with you….I’ll follow up and read each one of your links, if you do the same for each corresponding link I provide. OK?
Jon,
You’re referencing too many nutjobs.
Are you absolutely sure you’re not a troll?
We seem to have argued about the inconsequentialities here?
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Let me ask the question that is on all of our lips!
“What is the JW stance on colonic irrigation?”
Hahahaha - do you really expect him to say “Well, hell, yes!” Cap’n?
Just enjoy! :D
Anansi,
There’ll be a lot of starving people in Colonia if we don’t water to their crops soon.
same as everyone else - lying down on your left side with your legs bent up :P
All I can say Captain, is from Discovery must have made a nice fortune off selling pseudo scientic arguments to the religous extremists!
Nikkiee,
That ‘God Formula’ viddie clip has been removed.
Does anyone know where theres a copy.
Looks interesting!
I’ve got a God formula:
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Meat+Pasta+Sauce+Time = God
Professor Booty :)
“same as everyone else - lying down on your left side with your legs bent up :P”
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Not squatting over a shower hose then?