Woah….that is just so..so…dumb. Really, it is. I hope no one actually thinks that that graph has any purpose, or credibility. Global warming and pirates have nothing in correlation. The reason global temperatures have increased is due to (not only just greenhouse gas, which actually do not contribute much overall) the earth’s natural process of heating and cooling. Pirate numbers have decreased because the practice is far less accepted and is more easily restricted. I don’t mean to sound rude, well actually I do. That’s bullshit, all of it. Seriously. I’d rather you believe in no higher power, and have good morales, than worship dinner.
-sean
You have to die to become a martyr so DON’T DO THAT, PLEASE!!! We could certainly call you Saint Aristotle or Aristotle the Martyr… just don’t do anything to prove it! We want you to stay around!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Aristotle Apr 26th, 2007 at 11:02 pm
“How do I become a martyr?”
Flagellate yourself with al dente noodles…perhaps? :)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Aristotle Apr 26th, 2007 at 11:00 pm
I’m not going to read it at the mo…but looks like a good link you had on your name back there.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
walter
Apr 25th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
you are mocking the lord jesus christ and everything that stands for him
>
Since we here love mocking idiots, morons and the like and there are so many of them! I feel for this Jesus guy, he must have a lousy view, just a load of well you know, standing for him, blocking his view of the great FSM.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
A martyr? change your name to martyn and become a bad speller…
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Ihatemyspace.
.
“Anyone else thinking of sending in a new hatemail so we have a fresh thread to destroy?”
.
Hell yeah :) I recognise the style of quite a few hatemails. Keeps us busy until bible school is out.
Just think of the service to humanity you’ll be doing! Without this site we’d be on the streets (or more likely trying to start fights on other websites)!
.
You go for it!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I’m gonna do it. And now that you all know, you’ll guess it’s me. But that’s fine, we just want another thread to corrupt, right?
.
♥ ihatemyspace
.
P.S. If the heart thing doesn’t work, don’t laugh at me.
.
P.P.S. What happened to the bible story?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@ ihatemyspace – I got tired – really tired. Lots of personal stuff going on…sorry! I keep thinking about it but the enthusiasm isn’t there again yet. Really, sorry. I know everyone loved it…it’s not far from my thoughts trust me!
The heart thing worked!
Go ahead with the hate mail – we’ll love you for it! Have fun! :)))
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@ihatemyspace
.
“you’ll guess it’s me”
hahaha – Bobby sussed out my last one :) – he published it though :)))))
My Fr. Phil McCavity was spotted within one post! I think Sister Avadne Nobb has ‘em fooled though!
(Hiya Rowdy :) )
.
P.P.S. What happened to the bible story?
.
Erm – I have an extremely limited attention span – somewhere between a gnat and a Chemistry graduate (I got side tracked :) )
Still – I’ve got a few ideas if anyone fancies joining in later?
.
NOTE TO PUBLISHERS! Give us money! Lots of!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Whoa… (because that’s how it’s actually spelled) The Earth’s natural cooling and warming processes would have had us in another ice age (in about 75,000 years.) Instead, we’re warming up at a rate never before seen in natural phenomena.
I think the greenhouse gasses JUST MIGHT have something to do with it. Perhaps everything to do with it, in fact. Oh, that and deforestation and the incredible proliferation (which has nothing to do with the pro-life movement) of pavement and road-building, which absorbs light waves and converts them to infra-red, aka “heat.”
All Hail His Noodley-ness,
RAmen.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
dude. u r so so dumb.
sarcasm, irony, and general smart-assedness are obviously lost on you.
I will pray to his noodly appendage for the salvation of your soul.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I feel like writing something random, so if it’s all right with evryone else I’m going to pick up the Bible story.
NEXT INSTALLEMENT:
Morning dawns, and the group wakes up slowly on the ground in front of the pub with fuzzy mouths and pounding headaches.
Paul: Uuugh. What happened?
Fred: You guys were writing something. I think.
(Phil reads over what what they last wrote groggily.) This makes no sense. Why did we write about this “rockbadger” thing. What is it?
Nancy: Well, I don’t know, but I’m not erasing all that. Just run with it.
Phil:Well, lets just finish it up and get it to the publishers. Lets have a huge ending, shall we?
Paul: Fine, but kill evryone off who doesn’t buy the book. That’ll be incentive. Jeez, I need a drink. What’d that riendeer do with my booze?
Nancy: He’s over there, by the wall. But guys, there’s not enough filler. It needs to be longer. With lots of numbers in the margins. Try to think of other stories.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Salutations, fellow anti Spaghetti-ist!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Fred looks up. “What about a virgin birth? Hah, nobody’ll believe that. But if they don’t, they’ll die!”
“We can model our virgin on Nancy!” Paul says.
Phil grins. “Yeah, but nobody’ll believe that even if we DO tell them they’ll die!”
Nancy slaps him in the back of the head. “Just write the story, you stooge.”
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Paul: “Didn’t we already put in something about a virgin birth?”
Phil: “I can’t remember. Put it in again to be safe.”
Nancy thinks real hard about how they can mess up the future youth even more. “Why don’t we have diferent people tell the story of it. But they can all contradict and/or srew the other stories!
Rudolph picks his head up from the ground at the mention of screwing, but Nancy throws the frying pan at him and knocks him out again.
Paul: “I want to be one of the story telling people. We can all be!”
Phil: Where did the other guys go?
****************
Seriously guys, one of the others was Timothy, but wasn’t there another? Is Fred the new guy or an old character?
And, of course, if your all fed up with this whole thing, I’ll drop it. I’m just putting off homework here ^_^
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Fred was the bartender! And, uh…..there was a Timothy? ….Oops….
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Somehow, we managed to screw up our characters. Maybe we should introduce some new ones at this point: Matt, Mark, Luke, and John. Because I didn’t feel like typing Matthew’s whole name. But there I go, typing it all out in explanation. I really didn’t think that through. And here I go rambling again, and screwing up my whole intent to keep it brief!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
How about:
JC: HI I’m the son of God
Tom: Oh, yeah! Then I’m the Queen of Sheba.
JC: No you’re not. She is. [points]
Tom: Fuck me, I’d didn’t know she drank in her.
JC: Yeah, she loves the cask ales.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
typo!
JC: HI I’m the son of God
Tom: Oh, yeah! Then I’m the Queen of Sheba.
JC: No you’re not. She is. [points]
Tom: Fuck me, I’d didn’t know she drank in here.
JC: Yeah, she loves the cask ales.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
In Truth, pirates abound everywhere, the skull and crossbones even run some major nations. However, the clothing and jaunty banter of the original pirates is what’s missing from the earth’s environment and what needs to come back if global warming is to be stopped. This has been proven without any doubt. It’s not piracy itself that would save the planet, it’s dressing up as Captain Hook and saying, “Aaaarrr.” Many people are confused on that point.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Your mom is dumb, hoe.
Stop hating my religion. Not cool.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
JC – “No! Honestly, if you want fish then I’m your man!”
.
John: “Those oranges are totally gorgeous! I wish I was an orange!”
.
Rudolph: ” Hnaaaar!”
.
Phil: “How many legs do people normally have?”
.
Timothy: ” I’m immortal me!”
.
Jesus Christ: ” You’re bongoed mate! I’m the immortal one! Wow! My foot is soooo big!”
.
Rudolph: “go on! bend over you bugger!”
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Alchemist, you need to sub-title that “And after the last supper they passed around the last spliff”
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Captain – A bit too stonered ya think?
(I’ve got this amazing piece of cardboard! It’s, like, so very very amazing! – whoo, it just changed colours!)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@ everyone – I wrote the characters down:
John – druggie/mushroom head
Timothy – Alcoholic
Paul – Misogynistic tax collector
Phil – bloke they picked up in the bar
Rudolph – ’nuff said!
Nancy – bar maid/wench
Fred – bartender
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Rowdy – I think Rudolph is going to be the star of this story :)))
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Next installment (not one of my best – hard to get back into the swing of it on short notice!) -
John – who is beginning to trip on shrooms again exclaims gleefully “Let’s show these folks what suffering really looks like! We’ll bugger them for sure with this one – they’ll never be able to suffer enough to match the guy I’m about to make up! I think I’ll call him…Job.”
.
“Clearly the mushrooms are stirring your creative juices, John!” encourages Phil.
.
“Ooooh, sounds like fun! What can we do to the poor bastard?” wonders Timothy, who is 3 sheets to the wind already.
.
“Well, let’s make him rich and righteous!” suggests Paul.
.
“I hate him already” says Nancy.
.
“So, this god thing we made up makes a deal with Satan – he’s a bad guy, we need a bad guy and “Satan” is a cool name for a bad guy! – and he gets to do whatever he wants to the bastard!” Adds John, on a roll now.
.
“But, we need to have this Job idiot maintain allegiance to the god, so that people will really think our god is worth sticking with!” says Phil.
.
“And make him admit the whole thing was all his fault!” says Paul. “That way people will be really confused!!”
.
“This book is going to really fuck people up!” Laughs John. “It’ll be a best seller for sure!”
.
The group huddles around the table, with Rudolph staying out of Nancy’s frying pan range, and laugh hysterically while they torture Job…
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
“I think that “all men carry nothing to the grave†is supposed to mean that no one brings his or her material belongings to his or her death.”
Heh! Go talk to a solicitor (in Rightpondia that is). Even after you die, you will continue to pay for things, incur debts to the electricity company and gas board and so on. Though you yourself may be indisposed to deal with this at the moment (trying to find the nearest beer volcano), your executors will take care of business until it all finally draws to a close, which in some cases may take years!
Strange to think that years after you die, payments will still be made on your behalf.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Alchemist Apr 30th, 2007 at 7:29 pm “Rowdy – I think Rudolph is going to be the star of this story :)))”
.
Did you know Rudolph the Reindeer is female? A reindeer that still has its antlers in around Xmas is or female (the male “throw” them off earlier then the female, who keep theirs till february) or castrated. Supposing your Rudolph is a reindeer and still has its antlers round Xmas, of course…
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Capekicks:
When did the IPCC report jump to 10,000. The report you base your misguided life on, was written by 2500 scientist working in pairs to write 1 or 2 pages each. Most of these so called scientists have never seen the completed report that bears their name. And not one of them has talked to Pirates about global warming. As I said before, google the subject, also watch Glenn Beck on headline news tomorrow night.
Man is not responsible for climate change, it is as natural as the FSM, and just as eternal.
Prophet J
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Rowdy Wench
Could I stick that in the hymnbook? It’s the first and only play-like material I’ve seen that would fit.
Keep up the good work!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I mean, @All. Just noticed that its a communal effort.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@ Gnocci Man – I’d be honored! It is definitely a communal effort, I hope everyone would like it in the hymn book! What fun! There’s more here:
http://www.venganza.org/2007/04/12/you-atheists-think-you-have-got-it-all-figured-out-huh.htm#comment-97408
It’s kind of spread out through the thread. If you don’t have time to look for it all, tomorrow night I can find them all and post individual links.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Next installment:
Barely recovered from the hilarity surrounding the story of Job, our intrepid team of story writers/con artists decides that their story needs more insanity.
.
“We need another miserable human we can abuse!” Says Phil. “I like the idea that we are writing a book that will celebrate the worst of humanity, and people will buy it and study it!”
.
“And model their lives after it!” says John. “Boy are we good or what?”
.
“So what shall we make up next?” asks Nancy. “We’ve got a lot of bullshit down so far. We can’t quit now!”
.
“A “lot” of bullshit….” muses Timothy. “We are just making this up as we go and “Lot” seems like a good name to use. Kinda represents everything we are working for here!”
.
“Done!” exclaims John. “Now, how bad can we make him?”
.
The group starts throwing ideas around, including an entire back story about Lot and his life. They get progressively hammered and outrageous ideas start flowing.
.
“So, like when the army attacks – no really, lishen, I mean LISTEN people!” slurs Timothy. “So, OK, when thish army attacks let’s have Lot try to shave I mean save himshelf by offering his daughters to the army so they’ll leave him alone.”
.
“That’s really sick!” says Nancy, disgusted. “But then again why stop here? It’s our story, we can do what we want!”
.
“Hey, if you are going to write this crap it really needs to be crap!” says John. “I say we run with Timothy’s idea.”
.
“So, now let’s have god destroy the town because he’s pissed off and throwing a tantrum. But we should save Lot, I mean we’ve put all this effort into his creation!” suggests Phil.
.
“Why do I want salt? I keep sheeing a pillar of salt…” says Timothy.
.
“It’s because you’ve been drinking and you are dehydrated, Timothy” explains Nancy. “You are craving salt because your body needs it. Have some peanuts, it’ll help with the salt and your blood sugar too.”
.
“Damn, that’s intereshting” says Timothy. “Can we put the pillar of salt in the story?”
.
“Why not?” says John. “We haven’t discounted any stupid ideas yet!”
.
The group finishes writing the story of Lot, throwing in some incest for the fun of it (and their own entertainment).
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Rowdy
Thanks. The hymnbook should be sent in some time later this month, I’ve been a bit to busy lately to finish it.
RAmen
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@ Gnocci Man – Sounds great! Look for a post from me that has an insane amount of links in it! ;) Still going for Wednesday evening being the first chance I’ll have to pull of a project like that…
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
******************
John looks around woozily at the group, trying to figure out just how many of them there are. he gives up and tries to voice a coherent question. “Sh- Shuppose someone like, uherr… takes thish all sheriously?”
Paul looks at him blankly as if to say ‘So what?’
“Well, it’sh a very bad examples.”
Nancy, who has not had quite as many shrooms as the rest, bonks him on the head. “Why should we care about that? We’re trying to mess people up here. We want money, fame, endorsment deals!” You think we’ll get that with some touchy feely crap?”
Timothy suddenly leaps from the floor shouting “Zombies! Everywhere! run from the Zombies!”
At this everyone holds still as a major thought runs through all their heads. Their book does not yet have undead in it.
Phil speaks slowly, if unsteadily. “We need a Shtory line.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@ Dread Wench – RAmen! Good times! Now, do send Alchemist an e-mail! He’s not around much today but he’ll get it and hopefully you’ll know what to do from there…:)))))
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I’m going to Rowdy, just checking other sites, not too many people here today.
Odd tangent, have yuo ever heard the Numa Numa song? If you haven’t you HAVE to find it on youtube and see the song and the dance by gary. It’s hillarious and catchy.
Just type Numa Numa Song or Numa Numa Dance.
Off to email!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Devout Heathen May 1st, 2007 at 2:47 am
“I think that “all men carry nothing to the grave†is supposed to mean that no one brings his or her material belongings to his or her death.â€
Heh! Go talk to a solicitor (in Rightpondia that is). Even after you die, you will continue to pay for things, incur debts to the electricity company and gas board and so on. Though you yourself may be indisposed to deal with this at the moment (trying to find the nearest beer volcano), your executors will take care of business until it all finally draws to a close, which in some cases may take years!
Strange to think that years after you die, payments will still be made on your behalf.
.
Yes, made on my behalf. But I’m dead, so I am not really paying it. I couldn’t care less about it. My account exists, but I do not. Besides those aren’t possessions. They aren’t objects you can hold in your hand. I meant no one can bring something like a watch or a towel or a CD.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Yeah – sorry Rowdy – my laptop hasn’t really forgiven me for it’s lager bath last night :)
.
L’TUAE – Interesting song :) Have you seen The LLama Song?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08BRy0MoIA8
.
L’TUAE – if you need a safe webmail try mail.com or yahoo.com – I use mail.com for my spoof email accounts – done me proud!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
There has gotta be a pope, or some spaghettified equivalent? It’s high time someone start leading the Church to salvation. There needs to be an official pope soon. I don’t mean to rush the process but…
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Wow. I had no idea, Alchemist:
http://www.ceilingcat.com/
.
Eerie.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@When is there gonna be a pope? May 1st, 2007 at 5:09 pm “There has gotta be a pope, or some spaghettified equivalent? It’s high time someone start leading the Church to salvation. There needs to be an official pope soon. I don’t mean to rush the process but…”
.
Read the Gospel, matey… We already have our Prophet, and a bunch of illuminated Pastafarian Wenches and Pirates… who needs a Pope? Cheers!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
When is there gonna be a pope? May 1st, 2007 at 5:09 pm
There has gotta be a pope, or some spaghettified equivalent? It’s high time someone start leading the Church to salvation. There needs to be an official pope soon. I don’t mean to rush the process but…
.
Though I no longer officially state it, I still wield the power and the authority and the title of His High Mightiness, Hierophant Aristotle I of the Southwestern Orthodox Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and His Noodly Appendages. As His High Mightiness the Hierophant, I am the one and only Earthly representation of FSM.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Aristotle May 1st, 2007 at 5:16 pm “Though I no longer officially state it, I still wield the power and the authority and the title of His High Mightiness, Hierophant Aristotle I of the Southwestern Orthodox Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and His Noodly Appendages. As His High Mightiness the Hierophant, I am the one and only Earthly representation of FSM.”
.
Uh-oh, read the Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”, page 77 (paperback edition) of the Gospel. You really need some good reading, matey!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
it’s a joke
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Aristotle May 1st, 2007 at 5:28 pm “it’s a joke”
.
Ooooooooooh!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Lambic May 1st, 2007 at 5:33 pm
@Aristotle May 1st, 2007 at 5:28 pm “it’s a jokeâ€
Ooooooooooh!
.
Yeah, I know….
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@sean
I find your lack of faith disturbing. Oooh-pa Oooh-pa!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0