Woah….that is just so..so…dumb. Really, it is. I hope no one actually thinks that that graph has any purpose, or credibility. Global warming and pirates have nothing in correlation. The reason global temperatures have increased is due to (not only just greenhouse gas, which actually do not contribute much overall) the earth’s natural process of heating and cooling. Pirate numbers have decreased because the practice is far less accepted and is more easily restricted. I don’t mean to sound rude, well actually I do. That’s bullshit, all of it. Seriously. I’d rather you believe in no higher power, and have good morales, than worship dinner.
-sean
The graph serves a great purpose. It makes our religion more credible than most other religions. While it is possible that there is a lurking variable (time), it is quite probable that the most important cause for the inverse correlation is the FSM.
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As for the last bit about wishing we were atheist, I should point out that most of us are either atheist or agnostic.
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Before you post here again, please get a sense of humor. Then, maybe you will get the joke.
-Avatar of Reason
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Sean, you clearly suffer from a serious disease: Humor Defficiency Syndrome. To cure it I prescribe daily visits to this site, wearing of pirate regalia and eye-patch and a daily dose of rum and beer.
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Also, Sean, please learn to use the ellipsis mark correctly.
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@ Sean – Satire, dude! I agree with RDPK – definite HDS for you.
@ Avatar of Reason – ah, the ellipsis…one of Rowdy’s favorite forms of punctuation… :)))
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“not only just greenhouse gas, which actually do not contribute much overall”
wooh…this statement is just so.. so.. dumb.
It flies in the face of all serious science.
Just went to an event this morning and heard from experts on the subject. I live near Woods Hole oceanographic, MBL, NOAA, and others. Lots of those folks were there.
I guess if you consider us humans as evolutionary beings then our wastes are natural. But since its far more likely we were created by the touch of His Noodly Appendege….
link to Step It Up National Day for Climate Action
http://events.stepitup2007.org/events/show/1006
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@Sean
“. I’d rather you believe in no higher power, and have good morales, than worship dinner.”
If you follow the advice of the good wenches, you could join us. Get a sense of humour and drop the superstitions. Have good morals (and a rational outlook on life) instead. If you would spread that message througout the country you live in, all Pastafarians would be grateful.
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@ DPG – Hiya! How goes the trip so far?
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Hi Rowdy,
Fine sofar, although I arrived two days early and the conference hasn’t started yet. Yesterday was a nice day of tourism in Monterey. This morning I ran a bit and then the rain started. So back to CoFSM instead of the Californian sun that won’t show itself at the moment.
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Every time I read one of these, my morale gets a little worse.
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@Avatar of Reason Apr 14th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
“Also, Sean, please learn to use the ellipsis mark correctly.”
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What’s an ellipsis…….? :p)
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@ DPG – I didn’t get to run yesterday because it rained all day. Glad to hear it’s been a good trip so far. It is certainly a long way from home! :)
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Big, saucy, meaty BALLS. So delicious.
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I am a long-time lurker, but this is the first time I’ve every been really moved to say something (mainly because I’m not as witty as most of you guys) because:
Don’t diss the graph! The graph is fantastic, and anyone who can’t see that, fails (not at anything, they just fail). The minute I heard of the graph, I decided I must convert immediately (I’ve been a Pastafarian for about two years now).
rAmen
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Wait a tick, you’ve confused me Sean. Your hate-mail didn’t blabber on about Jesus and shit so I can’t insult your religion, and if I can’t insult your religion then you’re just another athiest who happens to be a stuck-up bastard, so why the hell did you hate-mail us, I’M NOT BEING ENTERTAINED!
-Pixel Pop, Hero of the Church
RAmen
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me and a couple of my friends have recently been touched by his noodly apendage :)
we love FSM and will always woship his noodly goodness :)
people who dont get it just dont believe and that is ok… in time you will understand :p
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@Madame Kizzy, Sykko & friends,
It is great to hear you have all been touched by His Noodly appendages. Stick around the site if you like and spread the word.
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Ah, this is such a great demonstration no why you should never openly critique something as dumb.
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@ Madame Kizzy, Sykko and friends – I join DPG in welcoming you! It’s fun here, stay a while!
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I think I prefer the religious fundie hate mail to this ’satire? What’s that?’ crap. The fundie hate mail is funny and I can always just assume it’s being sent by some redneck with internet access…but emails from these kinda people (TLM comes to mind!) makes me fear just a liiiitle bit more for humanity!
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Hi folks.
I have only just discovered the church of the FSM and read Sean’s post with much glee. He is a silly person. I live and work surrounded by silly people. My advice is to ignore them (and perhaps pray to my new logical God). Having said that, I have replied to his post. Hmmm, silly me.
I have spead the word of the FSM to all the people in my email list that I think have an IQ above their shoe size – including some dedicated (but reasonable) believers in that other religion about the bloke who came to a sticky end for pissing off the Romans and the Jews.
Now I just need to get myself a decent pirate outfit, which reminds me. Is the parrot on the shoulder optional or mandatory?
Cheers from Oztraylia.
Bishoz
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@ Bishoz – Hiya, and welcome to the site! Congrats on your conversion, and on spreading the word! We have other Aussie’s here too! (I’m in the US). The parrot on the shoulder is optional – we have pretty relaxed rules around here! Stick around, have fun!
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“I’d rather you believe in no higher power, and have good morales, than worship dinner.”
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We do have good morales. Have you ever seen a more cheerful and confident bunch than us?
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If, by any chance, you mean ‘morals’. Our standards may have a large degree of flimsiness about them, but the flimsiness of the standards makes our morals even better than most. For example, have you ever heard of a pastafarian wanting to banish someone to eternal torment after mercilessly killing them just because they don’t subscribe to the pastafarian belief system?
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I don’t think so.
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St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Troop Morale
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thanks for the welcome DutchPastaGuy and Rowdy Wench for the welcome :) I love the idea that there is someone who has put into words the sillyness of religion and exploited that sillyness :) it helps me have hope to know that the FSM exists and that we believe tells me we are getting closer to the truth than we ever have :)
and as for the graph… it’s pretty much the most solid point of the letter. the moment you actually understand what the graph represents you have to question so much about other religions. it’s the backbone of the entire argument. so it’s not so horrible to respect it :) (just to stay on topic here)
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To Sean…
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Woah….that is just so..so…brilliant. Really, it is. I hope no one actually thinks that the Bible has any purpose, or credibility. Global warming and pirates have everything in correlation. The reason global temperatures have decreased is due to not only our acceptance and control of greenhouse gases, but the people’s natural process of pirating, pillaging, drinking and stripping. Pirate numbers are increasing because the practice is much more accepted and is more easily accomplished. I don’t mean to sound rude, no, I really don’t. That’s sensible, all of it. Seriously. I’d rather you believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and have good morales, than worship a fiction book called the Bible.
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-Wench Beth
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I am saddened to see a post by someone, who actually has bought into the pollutionist lobby’s talk about greenhouse gases not having an effect.
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How about thinking of it this way: If global warming is a hoax but the world still tries to cut pollution levels, we maybe lose a little bit of economic growth. If global warming is real and the world does nothing, we lose the planet.
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There is a general rule about gambling – don’t place a bet that you can’t afford to lose. Do you maybe have another planet to live on Sean, if you are willing to risk this one?
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i pitty people who believe in “green house gasses” and “earths natural heating and cooling effect” Actually it is HE who controls global warming and because Pirates are his chosen people because there are less of them HE is angry so he is heating up the Earth to make you suffer for not being Pastafarian! BTW last night at my friends Bday we had spaghetti w/ meatballs and said a little prayer for FSM and the house got cooler :)
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The CFCs bonding with oxygen atoms before they can reform ozone are probably worse though, did anyone ever try to convince people that they were safe? I never thought that anyone believed in the green house gasses being benign, starting to wonder now though, maybe old is joking? sean is Irish for old, the name is either Séan (Shane), or Seán (Shawn)
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@Sean:
Earlier, I forgot to insult you for your ignorance of statistics. Whoops. You shouldn’t have said that “[g]lobal warming and pirates have nothing in correlation.” Correlation means a linear association. I agree that they are not linearly associated, but grammatically you should have said that they “do not have a correlation” or that they “are not correlatedâ€. Furthermore, they definitely do have an inverse association, even though it is not linear. As such, the two phenomena, from a statistical standpoint are possibly linked, although I will also agree that the numbers show that to be somewhat improbable. (I’m guessing that there is actually a 100% association and that the FSM was messing with my calculations just to confuse me, but I will concede that the numbers alone, FSM aside, are against the pirate/global warming link.) In conclusion, use proper statistical terminology in grammatically correct ways when discussing statistical analysis with people who enjoy math, science, and making fun of bad grammar.
-Avatar of Reason
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Maybe FSM is heating the earth to make to ice caps melt. Then there will be more oceans, resulting in more people living on ships, resulting in more pirates?
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Why is it that the non-fundies that insult our scientifically proven deity are able to read the original letter to the Kansas School Board that started this movement in modern day? It’s not even satire as much as it was an equally scientific approach of explaining our beliefs as the (practically deceased) Intelligent Design movement. Oh well.
Fine! Don’t believe! But know this: when the last of pirate brethren has departed the earth for an eternal heaven complete with beer volcano and stripper factory, those left below shall see an ominous sign of times to come. Arrrgh, the ice caps will melt and ocean shall cover the earth. In the great tempests, the land shall be torn asunder into strands thin as angel hair and the seas will begin to boil!
But when the storms calm, we shall bask in His glory as we witness Earth reborn in His noodly image. Let there be sauce!
RAmen.
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@ Avatar – RAmen! Brilliant!
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That’s right. Pirates and global warming have no correlation. That’s why you CAN’T draw a straight line between the dots on the chart.
What I’m guessing you meant is there is no causal link between them. I didn’t see you provide any evidence in the form of a snazzy Excel graph to prove it though…so better luck next time.
Of course, lets’ not forget your amazing argument against global warming. I’m sure you’re right about Earth naturally heating and cooling….so I’m sure we’ll all enjoy the next ice age together!
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My theory about why the FSM is heating up the world as pirates decrease:
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1. Fewer pirates on Earth means fewer devoted people preaching his noodly word.
2. Having fewer people preaching his noodly word makes this a world with less adoration of pasta.
3. The less people love pasta, the worse the world becomes.
4. The FSM is benevolent and wants to improve the world.
5. Warming up the world raises the mean temperature of the ocean, which is made primarily of water.
6. Warming up the water makes boiling it easier.
7. The easier it is to boil water, the more people may be inclined to eat pasta.
8. Warming the ocean also decreases the salinity of the water by melting the ice caps.
9. Decreasing the salt content makes the water better for cooking. Some salt helps with boiling, but too much is bad. No one wants his or her pasta to taste like pure salt.
10. Making pasta easier to cook to delicious perfection might also make people more readily inclined to eat pasta.
11. The more people eat pasta, the more they will like it.
12. The more people like pasta, the sooner people start building pirate ships to preach about the FSM.
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As you can see, the FSM is using human nature and global warming as part of a homeostatic feedback loop with the intended purpose of insuring that there are always Pastafarian pirates to fight the fundies. Yarrrr.
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@Avatar – Bravo! Marvellous deduction!
Ramen
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Avatar; WOW, I’m absolutely speechless at the sight of such wonderfull logical reasoning, brillant, absolutely brilliant! :)
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Youll are retarted as fuck.
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I’m not sure what youll are, perhaps some sort of fruit, since you want to retart it (which I assume means to put something into a tart again). I’m not sure why you took something out of a tart, just to put it back in again, and then presumably masturbate with it? But if that’s what floats your boat, enjoy masturbating with the retarted youll.
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@ Physics Wench – Hi there! Long time no hear from! Glad to see you. Good post! I’m having images of apple pies in my head…not pretty! :)))
@ Avatar – I’m with RDPK and Cottura on this! Simply brilliant!
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Physics wench, mwahahahaha! Oh my, you do have a way with words, I love it!
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To Avatar of Reason… you are a true visionary.
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@Avatar and anyone else following the diamond logic – Have you considered the following:
1. Warming up the earth means a melting of the polar ice caps.
2. The melting of the ice caps results in risen sea levels.
3. Risen sea levels adversely cause there to be less land surface.
4. A decreased amount of land surface means that there is less space for chickens.
5. Chickens lay eggs and eggs are an irreplacable ingredient in noodles and pasta (as far as I know).
6. Less chickens amounts to less pasta and noodles?
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Has the FSM thought this through?
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please tell me you are joking! greenhouse gases?! everyone knows that its all a massive government coverup- greenhouse gases dont affect the environment. its all the pirates.
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@Cottura 5 Minuti Apr 16th, 2007 at 2:08 pm “Has the FSM thought this through?”
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Since the FSM’s most important activities seem to be creating, intervening in time and perception, and being drunk, and the religious extremists’ most important activities seem to be destroying of thinking abilities, spreading nonsense, and crushing basic language knowledge, the “thinking through” seems to be left to the Pastafarians, who use this page to test their abilities. So go ahead!
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Why is it that people like Ms. Suck My Balls fly in, make strange posts about abusing tarts at 8 am, then fly away, never to be seen again? Their metaphorical balls must be very tiny indeed to not venture back to defend their fruit fetish.
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As for you, Sean, I would suggest a daily dose of Sudsuu to cure your HDS.
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@dantes_torment Apr 16th, 2007 at 4:20 pm “Why is it that people like Ms. Suck My Balls fly in, make strange posts about abusing tarts at 8 am, then fly away, never to be seen again? Their metaphorical balls must be very tiny indeed to not venture back to defend their fruit fetish.”
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Although the average Pastafarian in need of more fleshed out fundie stuff can easily forge a lengthy paragraph out of one such sentence, and play with it, just for sport, the occasional loudmouths’ indifference regarding their own creations and the possible answers can be really disturbing. I for myself cannot imagine posting one single line without returning to look at possible reaction.. Strange people in cyberspace…
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IT’S NOT BEER IT’S GROG YOU LANDLUBBERS!!!
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@Bishop Apr 16th, 2007 at 5:01 pm “IT’S NOT BEER IT’S GROG YOU LANDLUBBERS!!!”
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…of which you have had quite a load, recently: never heard of a BEER volcano?
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“The reason global temperatures have increased is due to (not only just greenhouse gas, which actually do not contribute much overall) the earth’s natural process of heating and cooling”
So sean u believe everything that Bush tells you? Read a book would ya, education and christanity can go hand in hand (to a certain extent)…
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“education and christanity can go hand in hand”
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erm….we usually don’t see much evidence of that around here :)
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Wait, who’s talking about education and christianity? That’s pure madness, it’ll never work.
Unless…
I’ve got it! Nikkiee, get me some seran wrap and a beer, it’s gonna be a looooong night *Evil grin*
-Pixel Pop, Hero of the Church
RAmen
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