You Atheists think you have got it all figured out huh? So you THINK you know that there is no God so you make up this ridiculous fake religion. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? COME ON!! As if making fun of Christians for believing in God wasn’t bad enough you have to mock us by making up The Flying Spaghetti monster? Yeah, I know that an atheist made this crap up, because no one is stupid enough to actually believe Pasta is our Almighty God. This is totally wrong and whoever started this is seriously going to pay unless you repent. Because if you don’t, you and all your believers are all going to burn in HELL for eternity. So pick up a Bible, and READ IT!!
Sincerely,
A Strong Christian
I don’t claim to think that there is no god, I merely do not see any reason whatsoever to believe that there is any sort of higher power (or god if you will) based on all available evidence.
“I do not pretend to be able to prove that there is no god. I equally cannot prove that Satan is a fiction. The Christian god may exist; so may the gods of Olympus, or of ancient Egypt, or of Babylon. But no one of these hypotheses is more probable than any other: they lie outside the region of even probable knowledge, and therefore there is no reason to consider any of them.”
-Bertrand Russell
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Correction above ^^^^^
Should have said, “I don’t claim to know there is no god….”
That’s what I get for keeping one eye on the tv….
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@A Strong Christian
As if making fun of Pastafarians for believing in the wasn’t bad enough you have to mock us by making up an invisible omnipresent being?
.
Think this one is a bit suspect.
Is there a hatemail comp on by any chance?
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edit: “for believing in the FSM wasn’t bad enough”
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I’m really getting tired of all this Hell bashing.
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Seriously, Hell gets a bad rap. What do we really know about Hell? I mean has anyone ever been there? Sure, there are people that say they’ve gone through Hell and back, but they haven’t REALLY been to Hell. They’re just trying to make a point.
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Of course we have that drivel by Dante, but he’s just another author… a media whore. You have to consider the possiblity that his vision of Hell was created just to sell books so he could pay for his coke habit and score with chicks.
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On a final note, I need clarification. If we don’t repent, will we be going to Hell, Michigan, USA ( http://www.hell2u.com ), or will we be going to Hell, Norway ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell,_Norway ). I’m curious, because I’ve been to Michigan many times and to be honest, it’s not all that bad of a place. The fishing is pretty good and they have the largest number of golf courses per capita in the country. Does God hate fisherman and golfers? I’ve never been to Norway, but I think I would like to visit. I hear the winters are very cold, so perhaps “burning in Hell” wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
.
OEJ
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> Because if you don’t, you and all your believers are all going to burn in HELL for eternity.
what a ridiculous bullshit
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@A Strong Christian
Having read some of your Bible, I must inquire about the following: Why is it that Christians like yourself only feel a need to heed a select few of Jesus’ teachings? You seem to be very devoted to trying to convert every last person on the face of the Earth (Matthew: 28: 19-20), but Christians (including you) don’t adhere to the proscription “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” (Matthew: 7:1). You also don’t seem to follow the commandment to pluck out your eyes rather than look at a woman lustfully (Matthew: 5: 28-29). As a group, Christians do not seem to have a problem with getting divorces or marrying divorced women, even though Jesus says that it is tantamount to adultery (Matthew: 5: 32). Christians, including you, affiliate themselves publicly with the movement. Shouldn’t you pray in secret because your purpose in prayer is to speak to god rather than to be seen by others (Matthew: 6: 2-4)? All in all, I must say that I think that Christians have very selective hearing. You are keen to make other people your disciples, but you do not know what too teach them should they listen.
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As you aptly put it: “pick up a Bible, and READ IT!!”
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-Avatar of Reason
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Yuck, I’d rather read a good book than that drivel. It has a few interessting stories, but no storyline, no character development, is inconsistent with itself, keeps repeating itself. Not a very impressive one.
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I guess all that trolling some folks have been doing is paying off! Haven’t had that many new threads in ages. Plus all the newspaper articles about Brian of course.
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So many christians like nothing better than to yell at outsiders that they are no good and will go to hell. Which is the place where all non-christian philosophers are supposed to be, so much more interesting.
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To “A Strong Christian”… Avatar of Reason has an excellent point. Why don’t *YOU* pick up a Bible and read it? I guarantee that when you’re done, you’ll be begging to join the Pastafarians and we will welcome you with open arms. And Hell isn’t actually a place where you burn (I bet your priest didn’t teach you that when he was… never mind), it’s a nice cool temperature and very pretty as well. So consider the offer, please.
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Again to “A Strong Christian”… By the way, I am *NOT* an atheist. I believe with all my heart that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the one true god and I pray that His Noodly Appendage will touch you some day.
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@ Wench Beth – “(I bet your priest didn’t teach you that when he was… never mind)” – Wahahaha! Good job! Love it…
I’m off to bed now. Lots of good stuff to catch up on – will be a project for tomorrow.
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@Wench Beth:
Thanks for complementing my post!
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@One Eyed Jack Apr 12th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
“I’ve never been to Norway, but I think I would like to visit. I hear the winters are very cold, so perhaps “burning in Hell†wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”
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If we get to vote, I’m voting on Norway. Apparently Hell is often frozen over, but a post a while back suggested we could take our own fuel to make sure we could get some nice flame going for the burning bit.
RAmen
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To Avatar of Reason… you are quite welcome. I enjoy reading your words of wisdom, always.
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To Wench Nikkiee… after we all go to Hell in Norway, we can then travel south to Oslo where the summers are warm and the pubs are open ALL NIGHT LONG ’cause it doesn’t get dark! (The FSM must have arranged that bit.)
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On a semi-serious note, I think I’ll ride my motorcycle up to Hell, Michigan this summer. That way the next time someone says go to Hell, I can say, “Been there. Got the T-shirt.”
.
OEJ
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hahahahaha
Be sure to send the CoFSM a postcard OEJ :)
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Well, they do claim to have pineapples in hell. How bad can it be?
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Hell looks OK to me…can get good postcards there too :)
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http://hell.no/site/hell2/postcards.php?kat=Animations&PHPSESSID=12425d9630f684e11ff1b7db7d07aade
.
http://hell.no/site/hell2/
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I’ve picked up the bible and read it. Here’s what I learned:
-pi is exactly 3 (2 Chronicles 4:2)
-Kill non-christians (Deut 13:1-5)
-Kill blasphemers (Levit. 24:16)
Thankyou for encouraging me to read this Bible of yours, I have learned plenty. However, I think I shall stick to Pastafarianism
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A strond Christian – In the words of Phoebe from Friends, in response to your request that I read the Bible: “Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”
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Hihihihi, Saucy, in Dutch stront (with a t but it sounds the same) means shit. Like the name much better, much more appropiate :)
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RDPK – Too funny! I’ve outdone myself.
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@Strong Christian
“Pasta is our Almighty God”…Meow!…astute observation…well done…
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*cat makes no apology for quoting dysfunctional fundie freak out of context*
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Now seriously, henderob: have you actually READ the bible?
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@A Strong Christian
Tried reading the bible, once. But it was a bit too… unpleasant for me. All that killing, all those people being “burned in holy fire” because they didn’t believe in Yahweh, all that thinly disguised propaganda…
I’ll stick to atheism, thanks. If you are so concerned about our spiritual well-being, maybe we should at the very least ask for a ratio of wars started by atheists to those started by believers in Yahweh. It might shake your faith more than you think.
RAmen
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I prefer Stephen King and his updated version of bible stories. The old fashioned horror and blood bible stories just don’t have any bite left to them now that we know the earth revolves around the sun.
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I have read the bible and it is one of the most boring and verbose collection of words i have ever had the misfortune of reading. If Jesus/GOD is so wonderful he could have made it a little more interesting and to be frank there are so many holes in the plot you couldn’t strain spaghetti with it….
hold on…
is this a sign from the FSM?
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I’ve read the bible, started off a bit weird. Bit samey in the middle, no real characterisation.
The last few chapters though, wow! Had every thing; whores, seals, monsters, plagues, demons, angels, big battles, boiling seas. Fantastic stuff (literally). I suspect the author had found a really good crop of mushrooms for the finish!
RAmen!
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Alchemist, I love it- you are so right. and as for Strong Christian, clearly reading the Bible has no effect on whether or not we’re going to hell since many of the people you are condeming have read it (and it seems like you haven’t) Not that going to hell sounds so bad now, I love post cards and T-shirts, and something about pineapples?
RAmen
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@ Shallahan – you may not like the pineapples after you find out what they are for! :P
@ Alchemist – never thought of the mushroom thing! But it works for me! I did also just get a mental image of a group of people sitting around laughing their arses off saying “ooh, let’s put this bit in and see if we can get people to go for it”.
@ Gnocci Man – excellent post! RAmen!
@ Ships Cat – I have GOT to figure out your schedule so I can chat with you my furry friend! ;)
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You Christians think you have got it all figured out huh?
.
You Christians think you have got it all figured out huh? So you THINK you know that there is no Flying Spaghetti Monster so you make up this ridiculous fake religion. The Church of Jesus Christ? COME ON!! As if making fun of Pastafarians for believing in Flying Spaghetti Monster wasn’t bad enough you have to mock us by making up a “God” on a “throne” in “heaven” and his “crucified” son? Yeah, I know that a self-serving, greedy lout made this crap up, because no one is stupid enough to actually believe an anthropomorphic deity is our Almighty God. This is totally wrong and whoever started this is seriously going to pay unless you eat spaghetti. Because if you don’t, you and all your believers are all going to be denied the Stripper Factory and Beer Volcano in FSM Heaven for eternity. So pick up a copy of the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and READ IT!!
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Sincerely,
A Strong Pastafarian
.
Cap’nUberbob
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@ Cap’n Uberbob – RAmen! Brilliant as always. We can always count on you to “translate” the hate mail – fantastic! :)
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Actually, it’s by definition you theists who “think you have it all figured out”. That’s what the whole religion-thing is about, thinking, or believing if you will, that “things” are in a certain way.
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@ Fredrik – Not to be argumentative with such a good point but please don’t make the mistake of thinking that religions cause or allow people to think at all. It’s all about belief, which is in direct conflict with thought/reason.
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Study to shew thyself approved unto the FSM, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
No, I certainly don’t know EVERYTHING, but I am daily trying to understand HIS mysteries and HIS ways. I am trying to ‘work out my own salvation, with fear and trembling.’
All praise to HIS Savory Balls.
rAmen
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@Shallahan – it’s strange how many people have read the bible on this site :) Makes you wonder why we ended up here. Perhaps we heard the unmistakeable *splat* of it hitting the ground.
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*sniff, sniff* “hmmm, dog?, cat?, Noooo bullshit!
Rowdy – hahahaha! Ya, I can picture that now.
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Dramaticus personae:
John (a pothead and mushroom freak)
Timothy (an alcoholic)
Paul (misogynist and part time taxman from Tarsus)
Phil (some bloke they met at the tavern)
Rudolph (a reindeer – with a taste for Gin)
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It’s 3am in a dimly lit cellar, about two hundred paces from ‘The Tiberius Tavern’. All are seated, cross legged, around a strange, wonderful, bubbling pipe. Apart from Rudolph, who was trying to rut the table.
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“I’m soooo fucking stoned” said John. “What was that about crack?”
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“Not crack, you muppet ! Kraken!” said Timothy
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“Why do the seas have to boil? I mean, what have the fish ever done to deserve it, eh? Mind you, save on cooking!” Phil quipped.
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They all collapsed into a giggling heap for half an hour. Eventually, Paul said “who the fuck is he?” pointing at Phil.
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“Dunno! Thought he was your mate! Will someone get that ruddy reindeer off me leg!”
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“Ooooh, we need seals, at least seven!” replied Paul, after a few hours.
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“Aren’t they fish?” said Phil
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“Naah – mammals I think! Not sure. Will someone get that bloody reindeer out of here, he’s trying to shag my ear now!”
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Henceforth this shall be known as “The Revelation of John”
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@ Alchemist – ROFL!! *Rowdy wipes eyes tries to breathe* If that post doesn’t go down as one of the classics on this site I’ll be sorely disappointed!! OMFSM I’m gone…*Rowdy wipes eyes again desperately tries to regain composure*
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Alchemist
You are a fucking genius. ArArArArArArArArArAr:-D
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They say I’ll burn in hell, but if anyone who has sinned goes to hell, then all the interesting people will be there.
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ouch, talk about cruel and unusual pineapple punishment! o well I’ve got my bets on beer valcanoes and stripper factories in the afterlife.
RAmen
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Geez Alchemist, what are you trying to do, choke me with laughter? I just snorted Diet Coke all over my screen. Now the paper towel is sticking to it. thanks a lot.
^_^
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@Strong Christian
If you read the Bible, and can actually interpret more than 50% of it, then you’ll understand that you don’t burn in Hell. Hell is eternal separation from God. Please, try to understand what the Bible is saying before you rant and tell other people to read it, sir.
Sincerely,
LOL@U, which is exactly what I’m doing at the moment.
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Paul (who was Saul, until he realised a good thing when it kicked him in the nadgers) said;
“More monsters! Look Johnny boy, you have to give the public what they want! They want to be scared! Will you please put that bloody reindeer outside!”
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John said unto his brethren “The horses and riders I saw in my vision looked like this…”
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“You’re wankered John!” Phil intoned! “For fucks sake stop the mushrooms!”
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“Knob off” said John “What about a bloody big Whale?” “That’ll sell a few books? Will you please control your reindeer! Get him off me!!”
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@ Dread Wench – It took me a long time to recover from that post! Actually, I’m not sure I have yet! :P
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@ Alchemist – Oh would you please stop! I am in pain at this point! J/K about stopping – I love it! :))))
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I’ll continue the story when sober :)))
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@ Alchemist – sounds like fun! Will look forward to that!
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Hahahaha
Good Job D!
Ramen
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My contribution thus far:
“Our story needs a rockbadger” says John.
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“What the fuck is a rockbadger? What have you been smoking this time anyway?” slurs Timothy.
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“I dunno”, replies John, “but if it will get the reindeer’s interest so it will quit shagging my leg I’m all for it. And besides, I just had a vision of a wabbit being fascinated with rockbadgers!”
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“I’ll have some of what you’re smoking” Phil says unto John.
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“Mmmm, rockbadgers!” spoketh the reindeer.
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Enter Nancy, the barmaid from the Tiberius Tavern, clearly put out by something.
“Look, guys, good Lord what have you been smoking in here? Anyhoo, I need to talk to you about the damned reindeer. I bent over to get something from under the bar and the bugger had a go at me! Now I have this problem…kind of a “burning bush” I guess you’d call it. What do you propose we do about it, and where has that reindeer been anyway?”
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“It’s your fault, barwench” spake Paul the misogynist. “If you wouldn’t dress that way the poor reindeer wouldn’t have been tempted. We need something in this story about keeping women under control. Can we find a way to blame them for everything that goes wrong?”
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“Sod off!” speaketh Nancy. “And keep the damned reindeer under control!”
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“What’s a “good Lord”?” Questions Timothy. Can we write one of those into the story?
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Lady Nancy? I thought you had left? You went into the wilderness! No person returns from there!
Is that the world my brethren spoke of? A world with machines that do the work of donkeys?
Never! You lie – It be not possible, it be agains’t the word of god!!!!!
Blasphemers!
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“Wilderness?” wonders Nancy. “No, I just popped over to Elaine’s for tea. You people should get out more!”
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“Who is this god with his words? Can we put him in the story too?” says Timothy, bleary eyed. “Maybe he can fix burning bushes.”
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Thrush?
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Lunip – Canestan!
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Black Bird?
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Robin? Wren? Chaffinch?
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Your turn :))
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A Raven?
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Sorry to be dense, but I’m lost here…
Gotta run for now – back later!
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And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
“Lenore!”
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I think I need more to drink…OK any would be good. Haven’t started yet, maybe this will make more sense! :)))
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Zu bird! =)
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Ahh! A Raven
“And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming.
And the lamplight o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted—nevermore!”
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Alchemist and Rowdy Wench – You are just too damn funny. I’d try to get in on the fun, but your story is a work of art that needs to be admired. Alchemist – I think you’ve missed your calling, or maybe you’re possessed by Douglas Adams.
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I wish!
Does the Zu Bird fly upon high! Yet is as the moth to the flame?
(hurry up – it’s late here and I’m knackered!)
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@ SaucyWench – *Rowdy blushes* Thank you for your fine words! I have no idea where this is going, I just know it’s a ton of fun! :) If you feel inspired, though, feel free to jump in!
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@ Alchemist – just remember not to light your own flame! We’ll pick our story back up later…
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Going back to the original hate mail, if I can call it “original” at all. It’s a pretty lame post. Where are the references to oars? Sure, the author says we will be punished unless we repent, but where is the poor grammar and mutant spelling? Obviously this person suffers from HDD, which seems to be all too common among responders of this type. Where is the requisite offer of prayer for redemption of our souls? It just leaves me disappointed and a little sad. Overall, I say we vote this person off the planet.
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Saucy – that was influenced by the most elite! It was my crap – but! I miss old Adams, he was a great writer! Pratchett is a star also.
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This has to be one of the funniest string of posts I’ve ever heard.
BTW. I’m vegging in front of this computer and the t.v. and I just noticed on M.A.S.H. they do “meatball surgery.” Wow. This is the kind of emergency surgery that saves people. I think HE was trying to reveal HIMSELF back in the 70’s.
Praise HIS Meaty Balls.
rAmen
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OEJ-
I live in Michigan. It’s not bad, just cold sometimes. More than once, Hell has frozen over. I HAVE been there, done that, and gotten the t-shirt. I hope you have a good time!
P.S. Hell has the BEST ice cream.
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I never fully appreciated Adams while he was alive. What a loss. I love trying to explain the plot, such as it is, of the Hitch Hiker’s Guide. I especially like the part where the whale and the pot of petunias, against huge odds, come into existence above the ancient planet of Magrithea (sp?.) And then there’s the mice. I think I need to get my copy back from my daughter, come to think of it.
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I’ve never heard of Pratchett, I’m sorry to say. It sounds like I’d like his or her work too.
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@ SaucyWench
“I think I need to get my copy back from my daughter, come to think of it.”
——
I “borrowed” my copy from my father when he wasn’t looking. He was almost done with “Young Zaphod Plays It Safe,” and then I took it on a camping trip with me.
-Blue
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@ Alchemist – I looked up Pratchett. Terry, right. I must get my hands on those books! I know I will love them. I’m way too excited about this, I realize, but reading is a major tool in my battle against HDD and ignorance in general.
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@ Blue Dreamer – You villain! The book my daughter now has was purchased by me for my ex-fiance. He ended up being a dumbass and I gave him his ring back, but I kept the book and his Marvin Gaye CD. I say I got the better end of the deal.
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Hey, I just Stumbled onto this, and I think it’s appropos of what’s in store for us unless we repent now.
http://www.fresh99.com/images/summerheat/weather-forecast.jpg
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This thread has been hilarious. I’ve really been enjoying the story of how the bible was written.
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You guys have obviously either been drinking or smoking SOMETHING, but don’t stop until the story is finished, please.
What did Pratchett write? Was he the Redwall guy? All the talking badgers or somesuch?
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Dread Wench – you’re just upset that we’ve not included you! Join in – join the group if you want! Don’t feel left out!
We’re a bit irreverent! I’m the nicest of them :)
prussicacid@googlemail.com
if you want
D
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to strong christian –
What ‘you christians’ don’t realize is that when you ‘threaten’ people with ‘burning in hell’ and how they’re going to ‘pay’ for what they did…..yeah…it doesn’t mean anything. It’s not offensive and it’s actually encouraging others to mock it. Not believing in God means no belief in hell or heaven – so telling someone they’re going to hell REALLY doesn’t do anything to offend people. But I’m sure you’ll pray for our souls anyway. And if you are such a strong Christian, why are you wasting your time writing on a forum about another religion?? Who are you to judge?? Maybe you should stop reading the bible and open your mind??
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no, that was brain jaques (or something like that)
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@ Dread Wench – oh yes please do join the group!!! We’d love to have you. Don’t believe Alchemist by the way – I am the nicest of them! Hee hee hee
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Ya – I’m out. I’ve just set fire to my hair again! I’m out for a few days – off on a session!
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@ Alchemist – Quit with the fire thing! You know better! See ya when you get back!
@ Dread Wench – only just started drinking! If you can believe…I think Alchemist’s hours ahead of me on booze! :)))
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Next installment:
“So, hey, hey everyone! Hey!” says John. “We need a fun way to see how many hoops we can get people to jump through. Let’s come up with a list of rules!”
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“Oooh, sounds like fun” speaks Phil, who has had Nancy bring him more grog.
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“Let’s call them “Commandments” chimes in Paul.
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“Why Commandments?” asks Nancy, somewhat intrigued by this idea, but not yet certain where it’s going.
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“Because,” says Timothy with some difficulty at this point, “if we call them “some random rules made up by a group of stoners and drunks…”
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“And barwenches” interrupts Nancy.
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“Oh, you’re still here” groans Paul.
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“Oh do shut up you lot and let Timothy finish for Christ’s sake” says John.
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“OK so…oh yeah stoners and drunks, and barwenches, no one will pay attention. But Commandments is so much more…well, commanding!” Timothy finishes his thought.
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“Who is this Christ you speak of and why do people keep using names we’ve never heard of?” wonders Phil.
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The group then huddles around the table, occasionally shoeing Rudolph away when he loses interest in the rockbadgers…dissolves into fits of hysterics occasionally and emerges with ten Commandments they can’t wait to see people try and follow.
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Ok everyone – I’m having a blast with this but I need to be done for the night. I have company I’m ignoring so I could get this out of my head! Alchemist is out for a bit, so we will pick this up as soon as we can!
Thanks for all the great comments…join in anyone who has ideas! :)))
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Ok, shamelessly off-topic post while I have a short bit of internet time.
Some time ago Truth in Science sent creationist DVDs to school and Guardian reporter James Randerson reported on it. I emailed Randerson to ask if he was interested in the UK book pledge too, as it is a similar kind of story. He was very interested and he did an interview with James Christie, the main organiser. His piece is on (long url might be cut into pieces)
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blogs.guardian.co.uk/news/archives/2007/04/12/darwins_rottweiler_looks_to_round_up_britains_atheists.html
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In the blog discussion thread someone wrote “I used to be an atheist but now I worship Richard Dawkins.” The article would have appeared in the Guardian around Friday. The blog post of it on the Guardian website give rise to some more discussion at
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reddit.com/info/1hl4v/comments
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Let’s hope it gets some more attention still.
RAmen
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Arrr! There must be something wrong with Henderob. Ever since he started this discussion, he hasn’t been seen. Evangelist Hit-’n'-Run? Born-Again Drive-By? In any case, conviction is a result of decision. Being fondled by His Noodly Appendage in exchange for being a believer (and dressing up as a pirate) is a good deal. Better than “believe or burn.” And like a good deity, His Sauce-Soaked Starchiness loves even Those Who Do Not Know Or Wish To Know Or Are Otherwise Uninformed Or Misguided and will hug them to his meatballs when they enter the Great Plate Hereafter.
Viking w/ meatballs
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At Viking (yarrrr Norse pirates!), Henderob is our great and mighty prophet. He merely posts the ridiculous hatemail he himself receives.
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So, while it is an easy mistake, please ease off on the guy :)
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@ihatemyspace
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I live in Indiana, so we’re neighbors. I’ll definitely be visiting Hell as soon as this cold front passes.
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I’m looking forward to sending my mother a postcard from there… “Dear Mom, Having a great time in Hell. Not nearly as bad as you said it would be. The people are friendly and the ice cream is to die for!”
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OEJ
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More Fundie failures
More $$$ flushed down the tubes in the Bush and his Fundie friends program which replaces fact based sex and STD education with abstinence classes.
Did anyone really need a professional study to know this idiotic idea wouldn’t work?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070414/ap_on_he_me/abstinence_study;_ylt=AoGTLNoiatQgseTDEh5b89XMWM0F
Abstinence study: http://www.mathematica-mpr.com/publications/PDFs/impactabstinence.pdf
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@Dread Wench L’TUAE Apr 13th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
“You guys have obviously either been drinking or smoking SOMETHING, but don’t stop until the story is finished, please.”
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Hahahahahahahahahaha…………….
Have to second L’TUAE’s sentiments…agree…. don’t stop :))
Go Alchemist and Rowdy….well done.
More animals…we’ll have an ark full of them yet :)
RAmen
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Mege quick post – I’m heading off into the sunset in about an hour :)
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Saucy – yes Terry Pratchett. Try and get hold of “Good Omens” By Pratchett and Neil Gamen – sooooo funny :)
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Also have a look for Rob Grant and Doug Naylor – they wrote Red Dwarf as Grant Naylor – the series is hilarious but the books :) Well, books always beat TV in my opinion.
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Last shameless plug for authors – Iain Banks (he also writes SciFi as Iain M Banks). VERY dark humour – so black it’s almost white! Whit is probably his least vicious novel – about a Scottish religious cult loosely based on the Amish with a splattering of Jim Jones. Some of his others are pretty sick, still good though!
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I’m going to put pen to paper this weekend. Then read it before I post. I have a strange feeling that 95% will be complete and utter gibberish :) Not sure why I know that, call it a vision of things to come :)
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Catch you all in a few days :)
Alchemist to ground control – ready for lift off!
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@OEJ- you live in Indiana? Wow, small world. I’m in Martinsville, where are you?
NEXT INSTALLMENT:
John has just been drinking an ever growing amout of grog.: “We should put something in here about homo-ness! This reindeer is really creeping me out!
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Timothy: “But one of my friends is homo.”
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Phil: “Screw him, he doesn’t have to read it.”
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Nancy meanwhile beats him on the head with the frying pan she is holding for his insensitivity.
Ah! I have to leave! Bye people!
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@Alchemist Apr 14th, 2007 at 7:26 am
“Mege quick post – I’m heading off into the sunset in about an hour :)”
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Go Alchemist…..bout time :)))
Have fun
RAmen
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the only part i dont understand is how atheists are the people who r “stupid enough to believe in a flying spaghetti monster” when atheists dont believe in a devine figure… that is all
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Hi Mege :)))
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@OEJ
They also have these crazy wooden demons with their faces cut out so you can take your picture as a demon! I have pictures of myself doing this. If I can find them, I’ll show you.
@everyone else
I decided to write part of the story:
Phil is getting beaten in the head and screaming while the others think over his idea.
“Well, it couldn’t hurt.” says Paul.
Nancy turns and raises her pan, but Paul ducks, and instead, she smashes Rudolph on the nose.
“Oh my Pasta!” yells Phil. “Look how red is nose is! Let’s put that in the book.”
John shakes his head. “Nobody’ll believe that. Let’s make it part of the festivities surrounding some holiday or other. They bought the giant bunny and colored eggs, didn’t they?”
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Dread Wench L’TUAE,
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South Bend. Give a shout if you’re ever on your way to Chicago. We’ll tip back some grog.
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ihatemyspace,
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I’ve already decided that if I ever re-marry, it will be in their chapel. I can’t resist the idea of sending out invitations that say, “You are invited to a wedding in Hell”.
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Of course, pasta and beer will be served at the reception, but I think it will have to be BYOS (Bring Your Own Stripper).
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OEJ
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Next installment from Rowdy (you guys are great – thanks for playing!):
The group emerges from the cellar, Nancy still wielding the frying pan and Rudolph trying to rub is red, sore nose on John who doesn’t really care.
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“Oh crickey the sun is bright!” John blinks rapidly trying to adjust to the sudden light. “Have you guys ever wondered where the sun and Earth came from anyway?”
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“Well, actually,” begins Phil who as it turns out is a brilliant scientist, “In the beginning there was this Big Bang (*Rudolph perks up at the word “bang” and momentarily forgets his pain*) that created matter and energy. The universe is a really fascinating place and it’s just enormous. All kinds of M-class planets teeming with life.” Phil then continues to briefly explain the space-time continuum, dark matter, gravity, and black holes.
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“This is really cool,” says John, “but the only black hole I’m interested in is the one people are going to throw their money into buying our book. And people aren’t going to pay good money for this stuff. They’d have to think and that’s too much work. So, let’s get back together later and write a story that will explain the creation of the universe to people who are lazy and stupid.”
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“Wow,” quips Nancy, “when you aren’t stoned you make a lot more sense!”
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The group agrees to meet back later. Phil and Nancy wander off together (She’s forgiven him for his insensitivity and he’s forgiven her for the lumps on his head) discussing relativistic speeds and who would age faster – a twin on a rocket ship or the twin left on the Earth.
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I had more in my head (I spent last night and part of this morning creating :P) but didn’t want to put it all in one post.
The group reconvenes later that day to discuss their creation story.
“It has to be something people can believe without ever having to think about it” suggests Timothy, only slightly tipsy at this point.
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“We need to explain to people where everything comes from, but how? They won’t listen to the truth so what do we do?” wonders Phil.
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“Weeeelllll,” begins John who has popped a mushroom for good effect. “In the beginning there was…God! I dunno, but man mushrooms are great! Anyway, kids, he said “Let there be light, blah blah blah we can fill in the details later.”
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“OK,” Nancy agrees. “But how do we explain people? The nuances of evolution will be too much for people to get their heads around.”
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“Well, God can just make them from dirt. I mean, why not?” John suggests.
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Paul, who is desperate for his point of view to be included, speaks thusly: “Let’s have God create “man” first and then “woman” so that women will always be inferior. I wanted to have a way to blame them for everything, and I’m sure we can work that in if we start here.”
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Nancy picks up the frying pan, sending Rudolph into a panic attack. Feeling sorry for the poor thing, Nancy decides against doing Paul violence.
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“They need names, these people” Timothy adds to the conversation.
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“I shagged a really hot chick in university named Eve,” says Phil, “can we name the woman after her?” Rudolph gets really excited at the word “shag” and sets off on another round of rutting anything and everyone in his way.
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“That works for the woman, what about the bloke?” asks Phil.
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“I don’t give a damn about his name” says Paul. Can we get on with making Eve the bad guy, pardon the figure of speech?”
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“Give a damn…Adam! Works for me!” exclaims John. “Let’s get started.”
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@Rowdy
Is this like that story you told with the clowns and the librarians? That was… interesting… to say the least!
@A Strong Christian
HAHAHAHAHA, you worship a false god! My deity could beat up your deity!
RAmen
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@ Pixely – Sorry, kiddo, I’m lost on that one… :(
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Someone here wrote a story, about librarians and clowns and the FSM. Doesn’t ring a bell eh? It was a long time ago, I even made a ton of posts which only had the word “wtf” in them. Those were some good times *nostalgia*
-Pixel Pop, Hero of the Church
RAmen
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@ Pixely – before my time. I’m sorry I missed it! I know you are nostalgic, but I hope that our little bible story has gotten your interest back up!
Well, it’s Saturday afternoon where I live and I should probably spend time with my hubby! :)))
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@RW
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Arrr…
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Be ye frogetting George and Ringo in your fable?
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RAmen
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*forgetting
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Pixel Pop- That was Penne who wrote that, and Damn it was hillarious. I have no idea where she/he went to.
@OEJ- though I turned 16 today, still to young for the grog. Better get Alchemist, he seems to like it a lot. ^_^
NEXT INSTALLMENT:
At this point, however, they all seem to be stuck.
Phil: “Well, we told about creation, what now? There’s an aweful lot of history to pack in there…”
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Paul: “No one likes history! They’ll never buy it. I want to retire to a beach here, people. Let’s think of something sell worthy.”
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Timothy scratches his head and holds rudolph at bay with his other hand. “How ’bout a lot of death,” he says, eyes going glazed. “Everyone likes gory stuff. We should have this god person punish people for no reason.”
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Paul: “Great! And let’s have him drown everyone!”
Phil: “Well then where did all the people come from?”
Paul: “ummmm…”
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Nancy: “How about,” she says, intervening before Paul has to do anything that might hurt his small amount of grey matter, “We have him save just a few people, and some animals.”
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Paul: “Well, fine. But don’t mention any of the women by name. Just have them be faceless add ons.”
Here he takes a big gulp of grog to help fuel his creative powers.
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@ Dread Wench – Happy B’day! It’s mine too!!!! :))) I’m 37 though…have a bit of gray hair! But still young at heart…
Excellent addition to the story! This is so much fun I can hardly take it! :))
I don’t have anything yet…I don’t know how much time I’ll have to post the rest of the day. But I’ll be back with something I’m certain! :)
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@ Dread Wench – Oh yeah – I forgot – Alchemist is away for a couple of days but do e-mail him and join our group! If you haven’t done that already. We have a lot of fun and it’s good to be part of it. :)))
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@Rowdy- I knew you guys had a group, but I didn’t want to intrude. And i don’t know Alchemist’s email. thanks for the invite!
And I like your parts of the story.^_^
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If I may, I would love to do my bit for the story. I might not be dirty minded enough, but I will try. If I’m not being funny enough, please let me know and I will stop.
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After getting thoroughly drunk, Paul states: “Well, after the flood subsides, we will need a character to talk to God. That way people won’t think we made this up. Wait. I’ve got it. It’ll be a child who hears voices in his head that tell him to run away from home! That sounds entirely credible, and totally unrelated to psychosis and psycho-hallucinogens. We can also have him marry his half-sister when he grows up. That will satisfy our more kinky-minded readers.”
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Rudolf looks up at the work “kinky” and reveals (in an unpleasant way) that it is not only his nose that is red and throbbing. Nancy hits him with the frying pan before he can even get started.
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Timothy: “The book still isn’t gory enough. Lets have this guy who talks to God murder his son!”
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Nancy leans forward in her chair and whispers conspiratorially: “If he murders his son, it might encourage people who read our book to kill their own children. Then those children will die before they have a chance to buy the book. We want to make money, don’t we?”
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Rudolf, noticing that Nancy is bending forward slightly, gets thoroughly aroused by her rear end and tries to have a go at her. Nancy screams and beats Rudolf to the ground with the pan.
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Nancy thinks about Rudolf and continues: “How about we have him kill an animal and light the corpse on fire?”
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Timothy chuckles and says: “Instead of a reindeer, how about a *ram*, in honor of what Rudolf just tried to do to you!”
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@ Dread Wench – there are 23 of us in the group, and you would *not* be intruding!! Alchemist’s email is prussicacid@googlemail.com
He posted it to you earlier in the thread, feel free to drop him a line.
@ Avatar – bravo!! Excellent! Poor Nancy is never going to recover from her burning bush at this rate! :)
I’ll be back later folks. Got a friend coming over right now…
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@Avatar of Reason
“I might not be dirty minded enough, but I will try.”
Hahahahahahahaha..
I think you made the grade :)
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@ Wench Nikkiee – I agree! :))
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Hi Rowdy :))
Hehehehehehe… Good story so far. Keep it up :)))
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You too Rudolf :)
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“I shagged a really hot chick in university named Eve,†says Phil, “can we name the woman after her?â€
Paul: Sooo hungry….man these spare ribs are great…….hey… there’s an idea that’s sure to catch a readers imagination..
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@AStrongChristian
Actually you religious people think YOU have everything worked out and are extremely ignorant to the truth, refusing to believe that you might be wrong and dismissing it as blasphemy. Even when scientists discovered the Big Bang the religious people had the nerve to say it was god.
This religion is actually more likely than any other because PASTA EXSISTS 100% Proof.
You think we are being ignorant when we are doing the same thing you are – sticking up for what we believe.
Regards,
Yeebaagooon
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@L’tuae
Of course! Yes, Penne, now I remember. Fine lass/lad. I’m starting to come here more often, now that the hatred from the fundies is coming back. I think it’s good that I am finally back, out of whatever the hell you feel like calling me not being here. Unfortunately we’re missing half the gang, at least I haven’t seen Alchemist, Petey, or Thumper anywhere, but I’m not too observant.
-Pixel Pop, Hero of the Church
RAmen
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@ Pixely – Alchemist is away for the weekend, Petey is back occasionally and I haven’t seen Thumper in a while.
@ Wench Nikkiee – Hola! Glad you like the story! I didn’t know I had it in me, but I am having a great time! I’m working on the next installment but we have company tonight so I won’t be able to post anything involved until tomorrow.
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@Rowdy
Improvised stories are hilarious, I wrote one that mocks out Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet and my friends pretty generally liked it. But I don’t know if I could ever write a serious novel, but the good thing is I don’t want to be an author so I don’t need to!
-Pixel Pop, Hero of the Church
RAmen
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@ Pixely – I don’t know if I could write a serious novel either. I’m with you – it’s never been a goal of mine. I bet your mock of R&J was great!
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Next installment:
“You know, Nancy,” begins Timothy, slurring a bit, “that I can see an entire religion using frying pans to resolve conflicts just because of you! You are really onto something with this frying pan thing! By the way, you should practice swinging it left handed too so you don’t get one arm bigger than the other!”
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“Hey, ya know what?” says John, a bit blurry from the mushrooms and whatever he’s smoking today. “Our story needs a hero. People buy books with heros in them!”
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“Yeah, and let’s make him a scrawny teenager named David – people should like that! Someone they can identify with.” adds Phil.
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“He needs to fight someone – people love war and blood and killing. Hummmm…how about an army led by a giant?” speaks Paul.
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“Why the fuck would we want a scrawny teenager to fight a giant? That’s unbelievable!” ponders Phil. “Come to think of it, Paul, you are a genius! That works perfectly!”
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“How tall should the giant be?” wonders Nancy, whilst trying to control the reindeer who is now excited again because he thinks shagging a giant would be fun.
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“Six feet?”
“What the fuck, that’s not a giant! Seven feet!”
“Eight feet!”
“Nine feet!”
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“I’m fucking stoned out of my head and even I don’t believe anything about a nine foot giant,” interrupts John, quieting the group down. “How about if we make up some kind of random measurement thingy and then people can fight about it for centuries?”
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The group cheers at this suggestion!
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“Well, he can’t use a frying pan. So…slingshot?” suggests Nancy.
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“Done!” exclaims John and the group dissolves into laughter again as they write the story of David and Goliath.
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@Rowdy- I will try to drop a line sometime, but i’m afraid I’ve been putting off the homework this weekend. Even as we speak I’m supposed to be practicing a speech AND studying for district superbowl competition. You may not hear from me for a while.:(
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@Capekicks
ha ha ha ha ha… I know, this is from a while back, but that “abstinence education” thing is sooo funny! In kind of a sad way, obviously… but still. I like the part where they say that “the field of abstinence has significantly grown and evolved…” who came up with that little gem? If abstinence is the absence of sexual activity, how has it evolved? I mean, can you not have sex in a lot of different positions or something? Like, “I abstained from having sex with Mike in the missionary position, and I abstained from having sex with Jim in the donkey-style position.” These people are nuts… I hope like hell my kids (should I ever have any) grow up to be normal.
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Haha, I’m supposed to read the first 19 chapters of the Count of Monte Cristo by tomorrow, I’m still cool.
-Pixel Pop, Hero of the Church
RAmen
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This story just gets better and better.
Nancy rubbed her nose. “Maybe we can enforce the rules we made up earlier. Who’s gonna buy the book, read the rules and OBEY them unless we tell them something ridiculous about what will happen if they don’t?”
“Hell, that’s a great idea!” crowed Paul.
Phil looked up from where he was cradling his head in his arms. “Call it Hell,” he suggested groggily.
“And we’ll be intentionally vague where we describe it so people will argue about it too!” Nancy said, with a grin.
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Wait a minute. What happened to the hell thing? I don’t want to burn in hell. Did we all repent? I think I missed it.
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@jjk – Do not worry about hell. Kim has our backs covered as she is praying for us too. Check out the “Satan sure has a hold on you” thread if you want to make sure. Or you can just keep on sinning and repent on your deathbed if you want to make sure. That is probably the best part of christianity – you can do what you want as long as you remember to say your sorry in the end.
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@ ihatemyspace – Thanks for your contri! This is really fun…I have some ideas I’m working on but have things I must do today, so I’ll get them posted as soon as I get a chance! :)))
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My stab at adding to the story:
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It was then that the barkeep, Fred, called “Last call for alcohol!” Fred had been listening to the rantings of the group and shaking his head.
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“Those bastards just might pull this thing off,” he thought as he spilled wine on Rudolf’s hooves as Rudolf tried to hold onto two glasses without opposable thumbs.
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“Oh, evolve, will you? You oversexed ungulate!” said Fred.
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@Avatar of Reason – Good point!
“…Christians have very selective hearing.”
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@Pixel Pop Apr 14th, 2007 at 11:52 am
“Someone here wrote a story, about librarians and clowns and the FSM.”
Rowdy
Check it out when you have a chance…a tale which kept us amused during a fundie deficit period :))
http://www.venganza.org/2006/11/19/science-without-religion-is-lame.htm#comment-19619
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Quoted from “Well, Duh! Our Stupid World, and Welcome to It” (p. 258) by Bob Fenster:
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Q: “Where do most idiots go, heaven or hell?
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A: “Most everybody, smart or stupid go to hell. For starters, every religion condemns the foolish followers of every other religion. They can’t all be right, although they could all be wrong. Then there are the nonbelievers who are going to hell for not believing there’s a hell to condemn other people to. This leaves a couple of saints and a buddha or two with a shot at heaven. But not to worry. Have fun. If you get sent to hell for it, then you’ll be with all the other people who got sent to hell for having fun–the party croud. The few people a century who stand a chance of getting into heaven will be honing their harp skills whil perfecting pure thought. So guess who’s going to throw the best party?”
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Personally, I’d like to go to hell.
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I’m contributing! (But I suck at humor so don’t expect much.)
—-
Paul gasped. “Fred! Don’t say the evolution word, moron! Or else you’ll be stoned.”
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Fred, who wasn’t as drunk, blinked. “…Uh. What?”
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“Evolushion is evil and didn’t happen,” slurred Phil, who was about three seconds away from an alcohol-induced coma. “So nev’r shay the word again.”
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“What’s evil about it??” Fred wanted to know. “It explains a lot of important crap, don’t you think? Like how your friggen horny antelope over there came to be.”
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“Rudolf’s not’n antelope,” said Phil impatiently. “He’sh a gazelle. And I never undershtood evilusion sho I think we shuld jusht get rid of it. That God dude made everyshing. It shays so in the bible thing.”
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“No it doesn’t,” Nancy said.
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“Well now it does.”
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@ IGK – Fabulous! Wonderful! *claps hands*
@ Wench Nikkiee – thanks for the link! I will have time tomorrow evening (Monday for me) to read it. Looking forward to it! :)))
Oh, and I have a few more story ideas, so I’ll be working on those tomorrow too.
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@ SaucyWench – Thanks for introducing a new character, and the concept of evolution to play with! :)))
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Aristitl, thank you, love the quote.
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Really like this colloborative bible-writing session…. Waiting anxiously for the next chapter!
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@gnocci man, a while ago
“ask for a ratio of wars started by atheists to those started by believers in Yahweh”
The other way around would be more fun. I don’t know of any wars [holy wars anyway] started by atheists [correct me if anyone can think of any] so it would be quite a large number [counting Crusades, Muslim conquests of large swaths of territory in late first millenium, current situation in middle east, etc.] divided by zero. I like dividing things by zero, it appeals to my rebellious instincts…
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@Mathy Kid
I hate to be a spoilsport, but I think there have been wars started by atheist groups. Don’t forget that many communist and pseudo-communist nations are atheist. I do not claim to be a historian, quite the opposite really, but I am under the impression that such nations have started a few wars. Correct me if I am wrong.
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It seems to me as though there are both peaceful and kindly atheists and violent barbaric ones.
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Fundies have started many more wars than atheists, but I don’t think you can divide by zero.
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Avatar, they did’nt start wars because they were atheist, but because they wanted to spread their beliefs as well. Beliefs that didn’t require a god, true, but that doesn’t make it an atheist war. It was still all about beliefs, Hitler liked to liken himself to the messiah, come to save the germanic race.
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Communists in my oppinion are as bad, the may not belief in a god(s) but the are taught to worship the state, the people as a whole. It still prescribes what to believe. It wasn’t as much being atheists as well as seeing the church and religion as a rival!
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@Avatar of Reason
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The problem with that argument is that atheism is not the defining characteristic of those groups. They are defined by a political philosophy. Atheism is a secondary characteristic.
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If you define a communist country as atheistic and attribute actions of that government to the fact that they are atheist, then you will have to attribute the attrocities of any nation to the dominant religion of that nation.
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Using that sort of reasoning, we come to the following conclusions:
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1) The Holocaust – Christians
2) The Crusades – Christians and Muslims
3) The US Civil War – Christians
4) Any Western European conflict – likely Christian
5) Any Central or South American conflict – likely Christian
6) Any African conflict – Christian and/or Muslim
7) Any Middle East conflict – Christian/Muslim/Jewish
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Now, personally, I don’t think this argument is valid (with the noted exception of the crusades). For the same reason I don’t think the communist/atheist argument is valid.
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OEJ
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Did Penne’s story ever get finished? I only ever saw up to the librarians getting kidnapped
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Isn’t there a way I could duplicate or triplicate myself in order to be able to follow all the Wenches’ & Pirates’ creativity on FSM-linked sites? On the other hand, gems of this quality might scare off most fundies or other sick minds, thus obliging the Wenches & Pirates to entertain themselves…
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If you happen to see the text above near Jingles’ FUCKWIT FINDER ***(version 2.1)***, than your eyes aren’t playing games ;)
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@Red DutchPasta Kid & One Eyed Jack:
Okay. I stand corrected, especially if we are counting commuists as being worshippers of The Party. I did mention that I was no historian.
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Be careful, if you say something a fundie would agree with (communists start wars because they’re atheist) they might think you’ll be easier to convert, or re-educate as the sheep you should be, return to the flock in fundie-talk, getting singled out for special attention would probably be amusing for a while, but in the long run…
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I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own — a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbour such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotisms. (Albert Einstein (Pastafarian), obituary in New York Times, 19 April 1955)
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@ A Strong Christian
Since when must one human force his or her religion upon another? I would read the Bible had I the patience to do so, and even then, would only regard it as a work of literature as opposed to something to live life by. And my reasoning: spirituality is an individual belief, not something that someone can force upon you. I very highly doubt that all you Christians are just coming up with your own individual beliefs, and hey! it just so happens that they all follow the same story. I don’t believe that crap. It’s just because someone told you to be Christian that you now are, and now you’re forcing others to be Christian. Divine my ass. And honestly, to me, reading the Bible will just be like reading a gigantic manuscript of every speech that Adolf Hitler ever performed in public: just pure propaganda, without any reasoning behind its points. You can tell me I’ll burn in Hell, but if it’s not what I believe, I don’t have to go there. Next time you put your money in the donations basket during Sunday Mass, think twice about where it’s going to end up. More likely than not, it will go fund the Church so you can convert (brainwash) more people into changing their spiritual beliefs to yours.
And I end with one question: Are you Christian because that’s deep down what you believe in, or is it because someone told you to be Christian and you have adopted Christian customs and beliefs?
I digress.
P.S. In no way, shape, or form am I a Pastafarian, but I found this topic too pleasing to pass up writing about.
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It’s called a joke. Get the fuck with it. I’m annoyed that you’re such a sensitive prick about something that’s very lighthearted.
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@Leather Grandma – welcome to CoFSM! Stick around if you like.
I should point out though, that for most it only takes 1 post to become a pastafarian ;)
This is addictive content.
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@Wench Nikkiee
Thanks for the link, I think I was originally too harsh to Penne about the story, pointless humour has it’s good points.
-Pixel Pop, Hero of the Church
RAmen
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(LONG POST WARNING)
I feel that I have to clarify my earlier comments. I never once stated that atheist started wars because they were atheist. (Starting wars over religion is the exclusive domain of fundies.) I said that atheists might have started other types of wars with other purposes, depending on how you define the term atheist. If you, like Red DutchPasta Kid, exclude communists and fascists from being “true atheists” because they effectively worship the leader, the people, or the party, then I will agree that atheists have not yet started wars. If you define nations as theist by the beliefs of the majority of the people, as One Eyed Jack suggests, rather than by the official stance of the government, I will also agree that atheists have not yet started wars. By other definitions, they may have.
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My only real point was and is that you should not assume that a person is perfect simply by virtue of atheism, nor should you assume that an atheist nation will not go to war to achieve its own secular ends.
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Maybe I’m just not one for stereotypes and prejudice, but I am under the impression that just as there have been anomalous peaceful fundies, and even groups of peaceful fundies, there might be anomalous violent atheists and warlike atheist groups.
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As for Storm Petrel’s comment that fundies might try to convert me if I say anything that is not strictly atheist, I must say that I find the implications of that comment vaguely unpleasant, even if I think the comment may very well be an objective and accurate assessment of the situation. The comment implies that I should never say anything that atheists as a group would not approve of. Firstly, I am agnostic, not atheist. Secondly, I will not allow my freedom to think to be fettered. I will not be the “sheep” of Dawkins, just as I won’t be the “sheep†of the Pope or Billy Graham. I was under the impression that independence, personal introspection, and free thought constituted the core of this website, so I do not see why my stance would be at all objectionable.
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If the fundies try to convert me, then so be it. I have persuaded a Jehovah’s Witness that it makes as much sense to base one’s religion and life around the science fiction masterpiece “Speaker for the Dead” by Orson Scott Card as it does The Bible. I’m not afraid of fundie debaters.
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These warnings at the beginnings of posts, they really do help me! Now I no longer need to use my eyes or my brain to realize that there’s more than three fucking paragraphs.
You’d figure people would find out, but NOOO we warn them anyway.
-Pixel Pop, Hero of the Church
RAmen
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@ Pixel Pop – don’t be rude kiddo – warning people is polite and it lets other interested Pastafarians know that the author has an important point to make. I will read long posts that have a warning, but not always ones that don’t.
@ Avatar – *Rowdy puts hand on heart and bows head in appreciation for and awe of your post*
Orson Scott Card rocks! We have at least one OSC shelf at our house!
@ everyone – I haven’t abandoned our fair story. But, I took a tumble off my Rowdy horse an hour and a half ago and while not really injured the adrenaline is still pumping. Kinda shifted my focus a bit! I’ll get back to it, I promise.
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I think this whole COTFSM ( chuch of the flying spagetti man) Is ReTaRtEd!!!!
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Hi! I would like to tell *a strong Christian* that the strong part of your name is kinda obvious…
But anyway… umm i have read parts of the bible (tried to crack the davinci code) and I think that jesus wouldn’t have written a hate mail letter to pastafarians… ist not that nice.
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@ Bryan
You’re retarded. Plus, it’s monster.
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umm corrections- “ist” should be it’s
And yeah the word strong should be in quotes. Im emphasising the fact that youre a very strong christian.. in a manner of beleifs rater that muscular strength..
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and i meaqn rather, not rater
RAmen
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and i mean the word mean, rather than meaqn
Ramen… again
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and i should be capitalized….D’oh!
Ramen… for the last time
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@buddhistpastafarian:
I think your last correction post also needs to be corrected…
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oh yeah. just wanted to say a prayer….
Oh! Thank you!
lots!
may you all touch us with your noodly appendage!
And yea… and umm.. we promise to worship you, and eat pasta once a week, and yep. thats it. RAmen
not even gonna worry about grammer
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c yall1
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Since this is my first post I just want to take a moment to say that this website is the dumbest, more useless, retarded collection of jargon that I have ever seen. In short; I love it! But, I do think that some of you noodle-heads (I hope that term doesn’t offend you) are bastardizing history, and that I do find disturbing.
Rip on the bible-humpers all you want. We all know that they deserve it. Religion has, no-doubt, fuelled and justified some of humanity’s most despicable and morally reprehensible acts. The crusades, the Spanish inquisition, Jamestown… These were bad things. So please, call the tyrants out where they deserve it. BUT… I plead to you all, as a devout atheist, do not put up the flag of Atheism and declare your self pure of heart and clear of blame. In particular, I would remind you of two nasty little characters in the not so distant past; Hitler and Stalin.
Hitler, building on the works of Existentialism, was just as guilty of horrendous “crimes against humanity” as any Pope, Priest, Imam, Ayatollah or Rabbi has ever been.
Stalin, like all good communists, had no use for religious structures. Yet found ample opportunity to use the powers of corruption, violence and extortion none-the-less.
I just wanted to say this in an attempt to keep your outstanding website free of historical inaccuracies and bias. Keep fighting the good fight kids, I love to see it!
If I may ramble on just a bit longer though… Not to sound pro-religion (because I couldn’t be farther from it) I would like to point out the benefits “faith” brings to society. These poor saps, (traditional religious types) think that a moral and omnipotent being is constantly watching them! They think that they have to act “good” all of the time or they will burn eternally in brimstone. They donate to charities, they build shelters for the poor and downtrodden, they wear fancy clothes and sip juice on Sundays and repent for having impure thoughts. While comical as it may be, I think that we can all agree, that this is useful stuff. I’m not going to do any of that stuff. So why try and talk them out of it? We get to do what ever we want, and they forgive us. Sounds like a sweet deal to me!?!
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Long Post at Miek
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Oh for FSM’s sake. Again with Hitler stuff. You attack us for incorrect historical research, maybe you should verify your own. Hitler was catholic. I don’t remember the exact thread, but somewhere around here someone posted a list of Hitler’s quotes that indicated this.
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Yes, he believed in evolution, but that does not make him an athiest.
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As for Stalin, well the man was a meglomaniacal nutcase. Yes he was an athiest, but so was Einstein. There is very little relation between the two aside from that fact.
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Quite simply, athiesm doesn’t define who you are.
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However, what it does do, is remove one source of contention from a species that already has far too many. In Iraq, right now, two main branches of the same religion are killing each other. People inside those two branches (Sunni and Shia Islam) are busy killing off members of the same branch, who follow a diferent bloody cleric.
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Would there still be war in Iraq right now, if they were all athiest? Who knows. We humans fight a lot, and the place has economic value, so maybe. However, what cannot be denied, is that war would not be as vicious and spiteful as the one going on know.
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Stalin did commit horrendous crimes. Would he have held back if he was religious? I doubt it. The reason he did what he did was to eliminate one of the few organizations that could oppose him, not out of any particular spite for the faith itself.
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Being atheist doesn’t make you a saint, Miek. It just takes away one more reason to be the devil.
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P.S.
“They donate to charities, they build shelters for the poor and downtrodden, they wear fancy clothes and sip juice on Sundays and repent for having impure thoughts.” … “We get to do what ever we want, and they forgive us. Sounds like a sweet deal to me!?!”
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Ignoring your horrible punctuation, please research anti-AIDS funding initiatives by the US government. Until the 90s, the religious right prevented money being spent to contain and control the disease as it ravaged Africa.
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Why? They saw it as a disease for sinners, namely homosexuals and prostitutes (sodomites and harlots if you would prefer). Had sufficient education begun back then, the current epidemic would not be a tenth of the size it is today.
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More recently, they have allowed aid to go through, but only support things like abstinence based education, a method proven in several studies to be ineffective, starving those teaching the far more effective safe-sex method.
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This is one example. Consider also the pro-life campaign, the anti-evolution movement, and the homophobia religion has bred.
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Get your facts straight, Miek. You’re barstardising history.
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@Jingles – Wasn’t Hitler Jewish–I mean, of Jewish descent?
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@Miek – If you’re atheist, could I assume you also believe in evolution?
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@ buddhistpastafarian – Welcome! I loved your posts! :)
@ Jingles – I am rendered speechless by your post! It is simply fantastic. BTW, anyone who knows me (and that should include several Pastafarians! :P) know that I am simply not often speechless!
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@Aristotle, I’ve heard that his uncle was, but I’m not sure about it. Wikipedia says he was suspected, but never confirmed, to be 1/4 jewish.
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Incidentally, I should correct my earlier post; Hitler was born and raised Catholic (his parents were), but he leant more towards Protestantism.
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Cheers Rowdy!
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@Aristotle:
Being of Jewish decent does not make a person a religious Jew. He is as far from being a Jew as is possible, no matter what is true of his ancestry.
@Jingles:
I read that fundies are trying to discourage use of the new HPV (human papillomavirus) vaccine because they feel that the existence of the disease encourages abstinence. My source was January 6th’s edition of “What’s New” a weekly column about scientific advancements by Professor Robert Park of the University of Maryland. See http://www.bobpark.org for more info about him. Clearly, the fundies have not learned their lesson from AIDS.
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@ Jingles – Howdy! Just in time for me to be off to bed…this time zone thing is a challenge!
@ Avatar – Oh for crying out loud. What will they think of next?
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Jan 6th of what year? In 07, the closest was jan 5, which I can’t see any reference to HPV.
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Oh, hi Rowdy, bye Rowdy!
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Have to go labour away to earn my grog money! See you on the flipside.
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@Avatar of Reason
“I read that fundies are trying to discourage use of the new HPV (human papillomavirus) vaccine because they feel that the existence of the disease encourages abstinence.”
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@Jingles
I read an article on this over at the Dawkins site last month :((
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God, sex, drugs and politics
“this week’s attack was on one of the Christian right’s favourite sons: Rick Perry, the deeply religious Republican governor of Texas. His offence? Promoting the use of a highly effective new vaccine that is sure to save many women from a nasty form of cancer. But to some people, it is tantamount to encouraging promiscuity.”
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http://richarddawkins.net/article,659,God-sex-drugs-and-politics,The-Economist
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While I’m at it, I want to take the opportunity to repost an article which investigates the “abstinence only” AIDS funding saga. An issue I’ve taken an interest in. Genocide?
This article was written in 2005 but I believe it gives a good in depth overview of some of the evangelical influences on politics, as well as assumed attitudes underlying this utterly unacceptable situation.
God and the Fight Against AIDS
http://www.nybooks.com/articles/17963
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A couple of quotes from the AIDS article:
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“AIDS has created an evangelism opportunity for the body of Christ unlike any in history.”
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“It is worth noting that during the 2000 campaign, Bush, a born-again Christian, promised to provide more federal funding to faith-based groups working on various social problems. Thus it may be no coincidence that some of the same people who once treated the issue of AIDS with indifference suddenly seemed so concerned about it. Do evangelical Christian groups have a role to play in fighting the AIDS epidemic? Maybe they do, but at the moment they are engaged in an unseemly battle with secular AIDS organizations over US government contracts that could derail what little progress there has been in combating the epidemic.”
!!!!
:( :(
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@Jingles:
Sorry. 2006.
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@ Avatar of Reason, bit late for this but I’m just back now, I was actually just joking, didn’t mean it to be taken seriously, and I think you miss understood me, I never meant to imply you should act like any group, sorry if it came across like I did
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@Avatar of Reason – I know being of Jewish descent doesn’t make one a religious Jew. You should be telling that to Hitler himself–some people he murdered only because they had some Jewish great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grand father.
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Yeah, he may have been raised as a Catholic, I wouldn’t know.
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And speaking of religion, evolution, and other things along those lines, has anyone here ever read “Darwin’s Black Box” by Michael Behe? It’s very interesting. Not that that’s a good argument coming from me considering I’ll read the nutrition label on a cereal box because it’s “interesting.”
I like reading that much….
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@A Strong Christian – “…no one is stupid enough to actually believe Pasta is our Almighty God.”
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You may be surprised by the number of people stupid enough to do or believe something stupid. Take the Bible, for instance. Or you could read “Well, Duh! Our Stupid World, and Welcome to It†by Bob Fenster. It’s hilarious and entertaining, but depressing at the same time. For example, there’s this alarming passage of idiocy (from p. 17):
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“To celebrate the Fourth of July 2001, a man in Kansas City put fireworks in his oven and blew up his kitchen.
He survived the explosion, giving him something to celebrate, but no more fireworks to celebrate with.”
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When I first read this I thought: What……the……FUCK!
Is this a member of the human race?!
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And, sadly there’s 324 pages of this stuff, and this is just one book. Fenster has written several others….
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Hoping for the day of enlightenment,
Aristotle
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May all be touched by His Noodly Appendage
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Sounds like the kind of stuff the Darwin awards go for, the disturbing thing is that it’s possible to believe people can be so stupid, there was a time when I’d have assumed a story like that was made up, not sure when I lost my belief in general human intelligence
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@Jingles
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“Get your facts straight, Miek. You’re barstardising history.”
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WTF man? In your articulate and outstanding reply to my post, you illustrated NO inaccuracies to historical fact. You did do an excellent job of retorting many of my points but none of my history. But that is of little consequence. Just try not to be so abrasive dude. I’m on your side. If you sling mud, you will lose the moral high-ground, so-to-speak.
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Your point about atheism’s capacity to “remove one source of contention from a species that already has far too many” was very good.
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The “Hitler debate” though… I do believe that atheism played a direct role in the Holocaust. It provided the moral justification needed for ethnic cleansing. That’s the problem with existentialism. It has the habit of leading one to the conclusion that all actions are justifiable. Why not steal and murder (i.e. the Jews for their money)? For me, Plato’s “social contract” solves this problem quite nicely. It basically says that a society bands together and accepts a set of rules to protect the rights of the individuals. If you don’t like it, leave. Thus you circumvent the “God” aspect of ethics and cut straight to the point.
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People will no doubt point out that Hitler’s actions were independent of his atheist tendencies’ (he was no doubt atheist, despite being raised Christian or Jewish as the case may have been). I would agree with them. Hitler, just like Stalin, used the circumstances of his environment to manipulate public opinion to serve his interests.
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On the subject of Iraq. Look not to religious instigations but rather to the power vacuum that American intervention has created and a few manipulative “Warlord” type leaders that are taking advantage of the circumstances.
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So, in conclusion, nice post Jingles. I am with you 99%. You are clearly much better read than I am on the subject. I just think you are mean.
P.S. I would argue that Stalin’s greatest crimes were not committed against “organizations”. They were against the peasantry. Namely Ukrainian farmers. As for my “horrible punctuation”… I am a history guy, not a grammar guy ïŠ
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Miek; woops, thought you were a she Mieke is a girls name in the Netherlands.
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People will no doubt point out that Hitler’s actions were independent of his atheist tendencies’
Exactly.
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Storm Petrel; I have two books of Darwin awards at home, disturbing to think they might let go with there stupidity when I’m in the neighbourhood! We still have a lot of evolving to do! ( as a species of course, most people here are one/several steps ahead of therest ;))
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Actually, my name is Mike, I screwed up my own name… oops
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You’d think that since we as a species dominated the world in such a short space of time, for evolutionary time scales at any rate, due to our intelligence, there wouldn’t be so many candidates for Darwin awards
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Petrel, recessive genes? We do share genes with you know, potatoes, mushrooms etc….
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@Miek – “They think that they have to act “good†all of the time or they will burn eternally in brimstone. They donate to charities, they build shelters for the poor and downtrodden, they wear fancy clothes and sip juice on Sundays and repent for having impure thoughts. While comical as it may be, I think that we can all agree, that this is useful stuff. I’m not going to do any of that stuff.”
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I hope you don’t mean that–specifically the part about charities and homeless shelters, them being silly, and not doing them. Those are all helpful things. They’re humanitarian not religious.
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humanitarianism – a) the doctrine that humanity’s chief or only obligations are to its temporal welfare b) the doctrine that a human being is capable of perfection without divine aid
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@Aristotle
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“I hope you don’t mean that–specifically the part about charities and homeless shelters, them being silly, and not doing them. Those are all helpful things. They’re humanitarian not religious.”
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Well, I sort of did. I am not a particularly charitable person. Not that I am cruel but I have never donated much (except for dozens of blood donations I guess) or volunteered. Where as fundies see these actions as part of their god given duty. I have no such loyalties and as such am not compelled by anything but human nature — which is subjective at best. In fact, if you believe in evolution, as I do, then we are no more than animals and as such are more inclined to kill foreign things rather than compromise our own safety. Not that the poor are threatening. I am speaking here to the characteristic of human/animal nature.
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In the absence of god, “morals” are out the window as far as I am concerned. See above comments on Plato’s social contract for my take on ethics.
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@Storm
Evolution is a weird thing. It requires only the ability to adapt to change. I’m not so sure that it is making us any smarter. Actually, we are probably getting dumber. We are less exposed to life threatening experiences all the time. Darwin’s hand is getting weaker and weaker. Better medical technology. More access to transportation. Less exposure to the elements… Is possible that we are getting dumber?
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@Jingles
Quoting myself here: >
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I have often wondered; what would happen if one day humans were able to get rid of all racial differences? Breed it out completely. No more black or white. Would we get along better? Would religion still be necessary? Would we adopt one common religion?
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My question to you is: Do you think religion matters? If we got rid of it completely, would we find something else to fight about? Would we be better off?
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I thought you might shed some light on my hypothetical “solution to all of our problems”. But please don’t just recited a bunch of facts about corrupt religious groups;)
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Sorry Jingles, my quote didn’t work. Apparently, we can’t use double chevrons in posts! The quote that should lead the above post is:
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–Your point about atheism’s capacity to “remove one source of contention from a species that already has far too many†was very good.–
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@Red DutchPasta Kidd Apr 17th, 2007 at 3:59 am
“Petrel, recessive genes? We do share genes with you know, potatoes, mushrooms etc….”
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Potatoes and mushrooms RDPK? Humph….speak for yourself… vegatable ;))
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@mike-420-
Hi Mike
Welcome..Good posts :))
One thing
“In fact, if you believe in evolution, as I do, then we are no more than animals and as such are more inclined to kill foreign things rather than compromise our own safety.”
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You are aware though that many animals work together as a group to protect the group and only attack if the intruder is considered, or known, to be a threat to the group?
Many instances of group behavior has been witnessed and recorded of a single member of that social group putting it’s life at risk for the protection of the group.
Having said that, in my opinion your posts are an interesting and challenging refreshing change to what we are used to (unless you happen to have oars in your back pocket and intend to shove them up our….. :)))
Again welcome and RAmen
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“Do you think religion matters? If we got rid of it completely, would we find something else to fight about? Would we be better off?”
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Power/control over any social group will always be a main source of contention in any social group. Religion has achieved serving this purpose for thousands of years. We are not the only animals that have to share the planet though! Looking at the big picture is always good :)
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BULK POSTAGE,
Mike, please read the whole way through… I apologise if I came across badly earlier.
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You want a historical rebuttal towards Hitler’s atheism? Here is some from the man’s own mouth (quotations retrieved from http://www.nobeliefs.com/hitler.htm )
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“My feeling as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter. It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded by a few followers, recognized these Jews for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and who, God’s truth! was greatest not as a sufferer but as a fighter.”
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-Adolf Hitler, in a speech on 12 April 1922 (Norman H. Baynes, ed. The Speeches of Adolf Hitler, April 1922-August 1939, Vol. 1 of 2, pp. 19-20, Oxford University Press, 1942)
(
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“I thank Heaven that a portion of the memories of those days still remains with me. Woods and meadows were the battlefields on which the ‘conflicts’ which exist everywhere in life were decided.”
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-Adolf Hitler (Mein Kampf)
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“Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator: by defending myself against the Jew, I am fighting for the work of the Lord.”
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-Adolf Hitler (Mein Kampf)
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“Heaven will smile on us again.”
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-Adolf Hitler (Mein Kampf)
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Like I said, get your facts straight before you attack us.
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However, again, I am sorry if I came across a little harsh. I’m a bit passionate about the subject, so I get a bit heated.
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(Plus I kinda missed your second sentance;
“Since this is my first post I just want to take a moment to say that this website is the dumbest, more useless, retarded collection of jargon that I have ever seen. In short; I love it!”
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Moving on…
“My question to you is: Do you think religion matters? If we got rid of it completely, would we find something else to fight about? Would we be better off?”
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Would we be better off? Yes. Certainly. Would there be no conflict? No chance in hell.
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Basically, I think humanity’s ground state is conflict. We fight over all sorts of things, whether they be resources (money, food, shelter, and technically, mates) or abstract ideals (equality, democracy, freedom, justice, love, etc).
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We evolved in an environment with scarce resources, so the reason we fight over those is easy to understand. If you don’t have them, you die. Evolution would therefore hardwire us to get those things by whatever means necessary.
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If we could remove all other boundaries, (race, religion etc) the resource issue would remain (according to basic economics, it always will).
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Then we have the abstract ideas. Why should someone kill for love, or a religious or philosophical viewpoint?
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Who knows? However, it still happens. Whether it’s because people cannot reconcile two vastly different worldviews, or simply because their outlook makes them not consider killing a worse alternative then the original situation, it just happens.
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It happens over a broad spectrum of scenarios, not just in religion. If you remove religion as a source, people will still kill each other for philospohical ideals (Bolshevik rebellion in Russia, for example).
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The thing is though, although we have a milion reasons to kill each other, religion is one of the biggest ones. You remove it, and you remove a major source of contention. People will of course still fight, but without religion, they will have that one less thing to fight about.
Less things to fight about hopefully means less fights.
Less fights mean things get better…
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…hopefully
(remember this is all hypothetical, it’s kinda hard to imagine how we could remove religion…).
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Hope that ridiculously long-winded discourse answers your question.
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Hello Nikkiee, thanks for the warm words ;)
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Yeah, the cooperative animal point you raised is a good one. Ants and such work together. But Humans seem to have this need to form teams. With the gift of speech has come the ability to manipulate the masses. Too bad…
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But analogies are tricky cause there are varying degrees to everything. Dogs for example. They will live in pacts but still use violence to establish leadership, often killing each other. Humans too, seem to have an instinctual tenancy to respect strength over weakness.
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Your power/control point is surely true. Religion has proven itself to be a dangerous thing. Are we, as North Americans, perhaps exposed to the lowest possible form of it? What of Buddhism or Hinduism or the ultra-passive Janeism? What if we ignore the foreign agendas of religious leaders? Is there no value to it? Having a sense of purpose has led many great people (both as individuals and as groups) to do great things. Mother Theresa comes to mind. There are a lot of what “ifs” there, I know. And I know Jingles is going to rip into me for not seeing his side of it, but I do. I am just playing the Devil’s advocate.
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P.S. Nikkiee I didn’t get the “oar up my __” reference, but maybe it’s better that way.
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Hey, you posted while i was typing, hope i didn’t contradict!!
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Another solid post Jingles…
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There’s really nothing left to say to those points. All good. I haven’t read as much Hilter as you have so those were some enlightening quotes.
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Do you think he really believed in God though? Did he use it as a tool perhaps? He did a lot of bad stuff… It’s hard to see him having much stock in an afterlife….
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Have you come across of any of Hitler’s references to Nietzsche? Cause I always thought he was a big Nietzsche fan. I’ll have to look it up.
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Good stuff though Jingles. Oh ya. About resources. Is it that they are scarce or is that those who have them hoard them in an effort to benefit their “team”.
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The basic economic principle goes;
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“Wants are infinite, resources are finite”
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Hence, there will always be more wants then there will be the resources to satisfy them. If you give a population sufficient resources to fulfill all it’s current desires (no mean feat, btw), it will expand until it is once more straining the limits of the available resources.
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It’s why our economies have boom and bust cycles, why animals don’t breed endlessly, and why booze costs so damn much.
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True, so long as the supply is not infinite it will be treated as a commodity and thus access will be restricted and a price levied. But isn’t that more of issue of control rather than quantity?
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On another note:
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I was reading through the link on Hitler. It is rather convincing.
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The purpose of the article seems to be “Hitler’s God equals the same God of the Christian Bibleâ€
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Demonstrates the “need†to play the religious justification angle:
“Future generations should remember that Adolph Hitler could not have come into power without the support of the Protestant and Catholic churches and the German Christian populace.â€
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“He justified his fight for the German people and against Jews by using Godly and Biblical reasoning.â€
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It does seem to settle the debate as to whether or not Hitler was a Christian,
“Raised as Catholic he went to a monastery school…Hitler’s most ardent goal was to become a priest.â€
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Problem is, that he has very few references and quotes no historians; just Hitler and one other politician and we all now how trustworthy those guys are. Which isn’t bad. It just isn’t totally convincing. I suspect that Hitler did have some belief in God, but that more than anything, at least when he included “God†in a speech, it was for propoganda purposes and that his greed for power outstripped his religious fervent.Perhaps, therefore, he does not qualify as an atheist. Quodos… Enough about Hitler though eh?
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I have to go to bed, worked all night. Be gentle…
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@mike-420- Apr 17th, 2007 at 7:35 am
“P.S. Nikkiee I didn’t get the “oar up my __†reference, but maybe it’s better that way.”
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Could be Mike :))
These were a couple of the classics and are now considered sacred religious documents of the CoFSM :) Oh life was so simple then….and we would laugh forever and a day….knowing these particular fundies were doing our work for us :)
You probably should know of the type of thing many of us cut some (I stress some) of our teeth on though :)) I’m a long term student of botany/molec bio, with a half decent background in general biology
I proudly introduce: CHARLES MCMURREY
Beware caps lock posts
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http://www.venganza.org/2005/11/25/listen-dumbass-you-think-that.htm
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Charles then honoured us with another visit
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http://www.venganza.org/2006/08/03/your-god-is-a-homo.htm#comment-13840
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A high honour has been bestowed upon you via being given directions to these most sacred of our ancient scripts. :)
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As far as the Christian beliefs of Hitler and Stalin go, I believe that Hitler was a Nationalist, Stalin was a communist, and religion was a commodity to be manipulated to achieve the ends to facilitate these dogmas. (from what I’ve read every time this issue has come up…erm.. it does quite often) There plenty of authentic and reliable references to info on Hitler’s religious stance on some of the earlier threads here at CoFSM. I’m not a historian, but this has been a continually re-emerging issue on a number of forums I have read or attended.
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BTW It’s not an issue I have ever gotten deeply involved in or dicussed in detail specifically…so my opinion is not very well informed and I dare say broad in regard to that subject.
RAmen
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@ Jingles and Mike – Wow – great discussion! Wish I had time to get involved but I have stayed too long already – had to finish reading the thread! :)))
@ Wench Nikkiee – Had never seen the original “oars” post. I was laughing so hard I almost couldn’t finish it! Seems the second link didn’t work though… :(((
@ Mike – welcome to the site! You are a wonderful addition to the group. I hope you stay a while!
Must go study…urgh!
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Hey! Remember to warn us if you’re going to break the scroll rule! (I’m in class and I need to know these things…)
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Where is the rest of that highly entertaining story? Maybe I should add more…
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Rudolph was extremely offended by now, having been referred to as several animals that are nothing like a reindeer at all. Horny as he was, he decided to dry-hump everyone into submission.
“Damn reindeer!” screamed Nancy. “I oughta crucify you!”
Paul perked up at the mention of bloody, violent murder. “You know,” he said thoughtfully, “our book should totally include something like that.”
Phil picked up his pen and began to scribble.
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Some quick points:
Hitler was a devoted Catholic and I really do believe he believed in god. So do all the suicide bombers, what other reason would there be? He established the church tax, which brings money to the church, but didn’t gave him any benefit.
And with the religion thing. I am sure people will find other aspects to kill for, but the main part of the ‘folk’ will follow more easily when there is a rewarding ‘afterlife’ in sight. Otherwise most of the people would be more careful with their lives, I’m sure of that.
And with the animals, yes, they fight and kill, but just the dominant ones risk their lives out of ambition once in a while and only if they detect weakness in their leader, which means the safety of whole pack is at stake! (we should do this, too ;))
Usual the pack will keep the peace.
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@ ihatemyspace – Sorry about dropping the ball! I was all fired up to write more on it last night until I fell of my horse! The adrenaline rush kinda knocked me for a loop. No serious injuries (martial arts has a lot to do with that!) but still, I couldn’t really think straight for quite a while. I will get back to it, I promise! There are so many ideas…I have some going. Just need the time…
@ Enya – This discussion has been just great! Conflict is definitely about power and resources. If we could set up the world so that people had what they needed (not what they wanted, that’s different) – attention (the right kind), real love (not romantic love), food, shelter, etc. I think a lot of conflict would just dissolve along with the overwhelming sense of insecurity that people have.
Gotta run – meeting a friend at the barn!
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@Rowdy Wench: that’s true. Have fun and don’t fall! ;)
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Mike,
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First, welcome! Should have said that earlier.
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The question of Hitler’s religious views is widely speculated. He was obviously raised Christian, but how strongly he believed through his adult years is questionable. Some believe that he mostly used Christianity to manipulated the people and justify his actions. This seems to be in line with your last point.
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The point I want to add is that it is well documented is that Hitler believed in the occult. The Nazi party was deeply immersed in it. Significant efforts were put forth to gather mystical items such as the spear of destiny and the holy grail.
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So, whether Hitler was a Christian or not, he definitely believed in mystical/occult/divine powers, which rules out the idea that he was an atheist.
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OEJ, Ship’s Navigator, steering clear of the shallow waters
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……that stunt with the rope and cross – soooo funny!”
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This is an apology post.
@Aristotle:
“I know being of Jewish descent doesn’t make one a religious Jew. You should be telling that to Hitler himself–some people he murdered only because they had some Jewish great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grand father.”
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You seem a little defensive, so I must apologize. I only wanted to clarify. It sounded to me, from your other post, that you were trying to blame the Jews for Hitler’s atrocities, which would have been very anti-Semitic. Now that I understand the actual intent of your post, I think we both are on the same page.
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Once again, I am sorry. I spotted what I thought was racism and I lashed out against it.
@Storm Petrel:
Sorry for misunderstanding you. It sometimes is difficult to know a person’s “tone of voice” when their words are conducted through a written medium. I thought that part of it was a joke, but I thought that the part about holding my tongue was serious. Whoops.
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Appealing to the religious convictions of people can unfortunately be a very easy way to get them on your side, I don’t really think any wars were started because of the religious beliefs of the leaders, religion was a convienient reason to give to the masses you expected to die for you, the people’s religious belief made it possible to send them to their deaths without complaint, but wars are always about power
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@ Avatar, a lot of the time people who know me well misunderstand me, I’m used to it, my brain is just weird sometimes
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Holy jumpin jeezus on a pogo stick. That is, and I don’t think that I am exhageriating, the funniest thing I have ever seen. That kid… with the all caps. I couldn’t read it out loud. I wanted to but I couldn’t speak. I nearly cried. Wow. I really really hope that, that wasn’t a fake hatemail and that this website really upsets ultra religious (I stress ultra) people that much. That is just brilliant. Thank you so much for that noodly blessing Nikkiee. Awesome. I haven’t even read through it yet but wow, that is good stuff :)
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“YOU NEED TO FIND JESUS YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER”
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I just can’t get enough of this kid!
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“Storm Petrel Apr 17th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
Appealing to the religious convictions of people can unfortunately be a very easy way to get them on your side, I don’t really think any wars were started because of the religious beliefs of the leaders, religion was a convienient reason to give to the masses you expected to die for you, the people’s religious belief made it possible to send them to their deaths without complaint, but wars are always about power”
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Hi Storm Petrel, Believe it or not, I said this very same thing here (almost word for word) in one of the threads here.
It was awhile ago, anyway, I agree with you.
Ramen
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MY GOD WOULD BITCH SLAP THE HELL OUT OF YOUR FUCKING PUSSY ASS GOD
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Mike, they are funny aren’t they?
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@Rowdy
Hey, I don’t blame you. Have fun at the…barn?
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@ Mike, great entertainment those archives. We don’t have fundies like that anymore, I can’t remember the last all caps hate-mail
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This is looking like a good thread! When I find it I’ll post the diaries :)
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Okay, so Christians get pissed at atheists for not believing like them and atheists get pissed because the Christians shove it down their throats, you know, hell and all that. So Basically, all i can say is, Christians – get over yourselves.. bashing does no good, if you really want to do something positive, pray. Atheists, props to you for being creative because i was delightfully entertained by the church of the flying spaghetti monster… and everyone knows that if anyone takes a shot a religion Christian’s get all hot and bothered. Keep up the good work, oh and Christians…. pray for yourselves too, because God must be disappointed in you’re pathetically futile efforts spread the “good news”. Have a nice day everyone, i’m gonna eat some ramen.
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Rowdy Wench, thanks for the nice welcome.
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That reindeer story is good stuff. Did a little back-reading. You have a gift Alchemist.
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@ Enya
Suicide bombers. Do you think that suicide bombers would be more effective if they were atheists blowing themselves up to oppose… say… The World Bank’s corruption, or in opposition to American foreing policy? Touchy subjects given the 9/11 thingy but that’s no coincidence. Just currious of your take on the subject. Don’t really know where I am going with this but I bet it will get some interesting responses. How about self-immolation?
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The part about packs of dogs being picky about their leader is interesting too. I assume you mean George W. Thing is, I think Americans like him. Sure, he’s not en vogue but people like assertive leaders. Morally, we know that he is wrong to ‘invade’ a sovereign nation but instinctually we want whatever benefits us. We don’t support him openly but we sure aren’t demonstrating in the streets either.
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@1iJack
The ocult point is well taken. To be honest with you, I believe you because it was in Indianna Jones and the Temple of Doom. How weak is that? But you are all right. Hitler was a bad choice when referring to atheists. I am relieved actually. Being atheist myself the disassociation is welcome.
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@Strom Petrel
“A man does not have himself killed for a half-pence a day or for a petty distinction. You must speak to the soul in order to electrify him.”
- Napoleon Bonaparte (stolen from Civ 4. Learning is fun with Leonard Nimoy)
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*foreign policy (forgive all the typos forgot to spell check)
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*Lost Arc, not Temple of Doom. Right?
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This is a “I was at home” kind of thread :))
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The Diary of Mary:
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“Judas, my eldest, oh, he’s a sweetheart, he gets out in two weeks! The lads from the “club” (if ya know what I mean) can’t wait!
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Had a good chat with jesus last night! Mary’s looking”in the family way” again! Don’t know how he does it :)
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Add no!
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“mike-420- Apr 17th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Rowdy Wench, thanks for the nice welcome.
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The part about packs of dogs being picky about their leader is interesting too. I assume you mean George W. Thing is, I think Americans like him. Sure, he’s not en vogue but people like assertive leaders. Morally, we know that he is wrong to ‘invade’ a sovereign nation but instinctually we want whatever benefits us. We don’t support him openly but we sure aren’t demonstrating in the streets either.”
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Hi Mike, I’ll welcome you also, welcome.
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However you are dead wrong about us Americans liking GW. He has a less then 30% approval rating, and yes we are demonstrating against him in the streets, and where-ever we can. Just watch C-span sometime. He is not wanted period!
The 30% that are in favor of him, are only big money-oil interests.
Ramen
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morning Peter
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Strong Christian,
Wow. Your words were inspiring and awing. You have quite a way with language.
I’m excited that you took your “What Would Jesus Do” bracelet off to flame all of the no good FSM followers here.
You’re doing the right thing. I believe all the world should be like you. We should all develop an intolerance and make people be exactly like us, or whatever we want to mold them into.
Hitler had it right. We should be just like him, and you are well on your way; congratulations.
You’re right – these athiests think they have it all figured out. I mean, come on! They’re not worshipping God! WTF? Why on earth would you refuse the opportunity to worship Him?
I just love praying and not having my prayers answered ever. I love the fact that any prayers that are answered, I did them on my own. “Thank you Lord for this house, that I worked for, took a mortage on, and have been slaving for. Thanks for that. Thanks for this car that I bought with the money from the job that I got by myself. Thanks for my health that I have from running and vitamins. Thank you for all of this stuff that I do on my own.”
Wait. What? “Omnipotent” God knows everything you’re going to do. Hence the word Omnipotent. So, Why pray? I used to be just like you, kid.
I’d much rather put my faith in a flying spaghetti monster.
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Ramen brother Matt, Ramen
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“Alchemist Apr 17th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
morning Peter”
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Hi Dee Ho, D :)
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@ Mike – I had the same trouble with that hatemail! Wow, that was fun! Your discussions are so interesting that I’m reading this instead of practicing my martial arts stuff…better get on with that in just a few minutes.
@ Alchemist – Welcome back my friend! When you have recovered from your weekend away let’s entertain the masses by firing up our story again! :)))
@ ihatemyspace – I got rained on at the barn… :( But I did have fun with my horse (his name is Rowdy, BTW) before it started… :)
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@Alchemist Apr 17th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
I’ll second Rowdy…good to see you back on board Alchemist :))
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Rowdy
“But I did have fun with my horse (his name is Rowdy, BTW) before it started… :)”
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Oh dear…. :))))
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Wow, i love how stupid people are
Apr 17th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Okay, so Christians get pissed at atheists for not believing like them and atheists get pissed because the Christians shove it down their throats, you know, hell and all that. So Basically, all i can say is, Christians – get over yourselves.. bashing does no good, if you really want to do something positive, pray. Atheists, props to you for being creative because i was delightfully entertained by the church of the flying spaghetti monster… and everyone knows that if anyone takes a shot a religion Christian’s get all hot and bothered. Keep up the good work, oh and Christians…. pray for yourselves too, because God must be disappointed in you’re pathetically futile efforts spread the “good newsâ€. Have a nice day everyone, i’m gonna eat some ramen.
Somone speaks the truth!
I mean c’mon! Go wow i love how stupid people are!
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in response to byrayan- its church of the flying spaghetti monster- not flying spaghetti man! and no dissin’ the pasta!
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oh and hey who knows a good bwebsite for a shirt that is black and has the fsm on it? my friend has a shirt that says : first united church of the flying spahetti monster and its black and i want one. bad. so tell me!
idk what this has to do with getting pissed at christians has to do though
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Distasty strong god person…
Why must you take things so personally? There is more than one religion out there. If we choose to worship a plate of noodles or some devine being of sorts, what buisness is that of yourse? Let me point out that these are not athiests. They belive in something, AND to top it on (the cheese on the pasta) spagetti is a REAL THING. I cant go to my pantry and take out a box of god now can I? Not to mention an “angry letter” shall only ad fuel to the fire and, well to be honest provide a great source of humor for those who read it.
If this “god”, as distasty as he or she is, “decides” to condem me to the bloody bowels of hell, MEH!! I’ll just go chill with Satan. (P.S I took an internet quiz and im on the 8th circle of hell so yeah).
I picked up a bible alright… and then, after useing it to hold down a stubborn corner of my carpet, doused it in gasoline and used it to start a fire around which me and my cult danced nude… KIDDING (about the cult part only)
So thats my rant of the day…
Narwen
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buddhistpastafarian Apr 17th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
oh and hey who knows a good bwebsite for a shirt that is black and has the fsm on it? my friend has a shirt that says : first united church of the flying spahetti monster and its black and i want one. bad. so tell me!
”
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Errmmm… If you will only scroll up, and look at the righthand side of your screen,
you’ll see links for much FSM T-shirts and bobbles for sale.
Mmmmkay.
Ramen
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@Rowdy
That’s so cool! I didn’t know you had a horse. Sucks about the rain though. It’s beautiful here.
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@Mike –
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“In the absence of god, “morals†are out the window as far as I am concerned. See above comments on Plato’s social contract for my take on ethics.”
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Sorry.
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After looking some stuff up (I’ve forgotten most of those lessons I had with Plato–his voice was sooo soporific), I have to say your quite right. (Though I still find some of his theories a little wanting; you be the judge.)
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About this part:
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“In fact, if you believe in evolution, as I do, then we are no more than animals and as such are more inclined to kill foreign things rather than compromise our own safety.”
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Call me an optimist, but I’ve always hoped we all could be a little better then that.
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But then there’s quotes like this one from J. Robert Oppenheimer:
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“The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist knows it.”
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Apologizing for his inattentiveness while in the presence of a revered philosopher – Aristotle
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P.S. No, I’m truly am not trying to make sarcastic comments or anything in this comment (although if you you ask me, “What’s up?” I’ll gladly point you in the correct direction).
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@ Aristotle
“In fact, if you believe in evolution, as I do, then we are no more than animals and as such are more inclined to kill foreign things rather than compromise our own safety.â€
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Perhaps this was a bit exaggerated. Quite right. One good that speech/heightened communication has given us is the ability to resolve differences.
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Humans aren’t really animals anymore. Are they?
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Sometimes I wonder how much instinct is left in me.
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*One good thing that speech/….
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Oooh this is getting so philosophical!
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“because no one is stupid enough to actually believe Pasta is our Almighty God.”
No, but they are dumb enough to believe a man was crucified and buried, then came back to life a couple of days later, then accended into a place called heaven….
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@Scott
There are people who can’t tell you WHAT they believe. They answer: “Adam and Eve” but question them on it. “So then their kids screwed? And then their kids? And so on?” The best answer to that is “well… it’s figurative” or “you’ve got to take it as a collection of lessons not historical fact.” So then ask them about historical fact and they can’t answer.
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How could people believe in an organized, multi-billion dollar religion as encompassing as Christianity and not have an answer to so fundamental a question as creation? Either it was Adam and Eve or it wasn’t people! The bible is all you have. Don’t start telling me it can’t be taken literally. If they do, they might as well put on a pirates hat!!!
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Hi Peter Popoff
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There have been a lot of hellos today being my first day and all. Well, I guess my second now. Is it a new day if you only sleep 2 hours and it was at 11am? Night shifts are pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
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This is a lengthy reply to some of Petes posts. Read if you want.
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30% of Americans support Georgre W. That’s pretty low. Crazy world dude. Why don’t poor people vote in America. Seems that way at least. I’m in Canada, so I shouldn’t even be talking about this cause I’m talking out of my butt right now. Good luck to you all down there. Come visit some time. Fun ;)
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You said earlier that “I don’t really think any wars were started because of the religious beliefs of the leadersâ€. Hum… Maybe not. But even if a nation’s ruler isn’t seeking religious gains through the processes of war/expansion there are forces that do seek national expansion strictly for religious gains (i.e. hard line religious lobby groups or the Church during the Crusades or even during the colonization of America). The peoples of foreign lands represent fresh soles. Now, whether or not religious groups have pure aspirations or whether they really want financial kick backs can be another discussion subject. For now though, I would suggest that religious beliefs can play a role indeed in matters of conquest. Shit, even a ‘lack’ of religion can do it (i.e. communism). But that wasn’t really your point was it? You suspected their underlying motivations not their public agenda. My thought was that “religious beliefs†still play a role.
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In America the government is sort-of-secular. The church and State are supposed to be separated. I’m sure someone will correct me on this. But I mean in comparison to the Middle East where the State and Religion are far more intermingled. (I don’t want to suggest that the American model is perfect. That’s the whole point of this web site is it not? To counter intelligent thought theory in the schools… so don’t all freak out on me. K where was I?? Right) In the Mid-East, as in much of the rest of the world, religious groups enjoy a great deal of influence on the government. Hence my thinking that perhaps religion has been and is a factor in starting wars.
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As far as Religion’s value for motivating the troops. Well, yup. I’m with you there. It’s a pretty sweet deal as far as the Ruler is concerned. He/She uses God in some cases to ascend to the throne, declare war on none-believers, send troops to their death, explain defeat, segregate peoples, even levy extra taxes. If the people can’t quite explain it or if the government doesn’t want to take credit for it: “God did it†“It was for God†“They have a different Godâ€. I guess this was the sort of thing Jingle meant about religion being a “source of contentionâ€.
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What we are looking for, I suspect, is a lack of ignorance, not religion. If everybody knew that in fact the planet nay, the universe(!) was made by a Flying Spaghetti Monster (or alternately, nothing at all what ever your fancy may be I’m not picky) then rulers could no longer play on our ignorance in order to achieve democratically unapproved ends. And in this regard we are all to blame. It is us that do not vote! The rich? You can bet your ass they vote! Even Iraqis share the blame. What the fsm are they doing fighting each other? They remind me of a snake and a mongoose in the talons of an Bald Eagle. “Hey fellas… look up! You got bigger problems.†But again. Ignorance, not religion.
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Take it for what you will. I’m sure you will ;)
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Hello all,
It’s a pity I have so little time during this conference, because this thread has much excellent discussion.
@Mike-420-
Welcome to CoFSM. I thought your first was very nice (even if some didn’t agree with some of the details of history). But the general self-criticism towards atheist is good. Critical self-inspection helps to improve ones thoughts.
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Ok, hopefully I’ll have time to join in a bit more.
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@Mike-420-
“They donate to charities, they build shelters for the poor and downtrodden, they wear fancy clothes and sip juice on Sundays and repent for having impure thoughts.”
Hmmmm, I always have grave doubts about churches and charities. For the simple reason that the vast church infrastructure takes so much money. Money passing through the Church of England is billions a year and they’re sitting on 5 billion in money or other financial assets. And how much do they donate to charitable causes? A tiny percentage of the money that passes through the church every year. Most of the money just serves the church itself. So if people gave a tiny fraction of the money they gave to churches but it was spent 100% to aid victims of natural disasters etc the good that would be done would be greater than if church goers put lots of money in put into collection boxes but most of that is just for maintaining the church.
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@ Mike
You seem to talk alot yet you don’t say anything that hasn’t been said?
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@Mike-420-
“In fact, if you believe in evolution, as I do, then we are no more than animals and as such are more inclined to kill foreign things rather than compromise our own safety.”
There you really went wrong. We’re not ruled purely by our selfish genes anymore, are we. Dawkins gave a very good example in the Selfish Gene: think of the ocaasions when people use contraceptives, a direct contradiction to the wishes of our selfish genes. So much of what we do is governed by our intelligence rather than dna-encoded instincts. Thinking that evolution is a real thing therefore should not by extension mean we are no more than animals.
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If California’s economy was independent of the US, it would be the seventh most productive on Earth.
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@Mike-420-
“I have often wondered; what would happen if one day humans were able to get rid of all racial differences? Breed it out completely. No more black or white.”
Technical nag: the black in black and white is something you’d never get rid of, as people living nearer the equator would die of skin cancer or something like that :) But we could all be black I suppose.
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Hi DutchPastaGuy
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Hmm… give the money straight to the victims? I like it!
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But in order to administer those funds and allocate them, you need an administration and record keeping and levels of security. Basically, you end up with a non-profit organization. But they have their problems too. The church and NPOs are both fine channels for donations, the problem arises, I think, when the excesses are taken with the cost of administration. Both groups are susceptible to corruption. The common denominator I’m seeing is human nature. We ain’t all cherries!
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Religion, while being based on a lie, is able to circumvent this problem. It invents an omnipotent being, a flying spaghetti monster if you will and grants it not just the power to read minds but also the desire for us to act in accordance with what ever the fuck we write down in this book! Which is ironic considering that God created us in the first place. Why give us a “nature” and then tell us to resist it?
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All black would be just fine with me ;)
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@Mike-420-
“Have you come across of any of Hitler’s references to Nietzsche? Cause I always thought he was a big Nietzsche fan. I’ll have to look it up.”
He certainly was a great fan of what Nietzsche thought up in the last phase phase of his thinking (i. e. the thought that man could rise above himself to form an uebermensch).
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@OEJ
“So, whether Hitler was a Christian or not, he definitely believed in mystical/occult/divine powers, which rules out the idea that he was an atheist.”
I thought that it was mostly SS leader Himmler and the SS who were into the occult stuff? They tried to create the atmosphere of thinking that the SS’ers were like medieval knights etc. They even had some old castle where the SS had their ‘outings’ to promote this idea. But I never read much about Hitler being deeply into that stuff. Got a ref for me?
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@Mike-420-
You do need some charitable organisation, that’s true. But I would hope that with those it would only be the apples that take much of the money for themselves. All the churches (or most of them anyway) take huge amounts of money to keep themselves going, in decadent luxury even in the case of the Catholic church, and it’s not even considered corrupt. While I can’t support it with hard numbers, I wouls suspect that churches on average deliver less to the people who need it than the average charitable organisation, even when including the odd corrupt one among them.
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Ok, I still need to work on my presentation for tomorrow, so talk to you all later.
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For sure DutchPastaGuy.
I wouldn’t trust a religious organization farther than I could throw it!
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From: Apr 17th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
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Did I say we are “ruled purely by our selfish genes� I guess so. I said that I was “not compelled by anything but human nature — which is subjective at best†. Okay. Good one. But I did go on to discuss the virtues of a social contract which outstrips even the use of contraception as far as acting intelligently.
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Are we special though? How are we different from animals? We talk. We have more intelligence. We eat, we poo, we die, we rot… If you chop off a your arm is that chunk of flesh more special than a piece of wood. Are we special because we have a sense of self awareness. But isn’t that just assigning a virtue to what is no more than just the biological result of the evolution of the human mind?
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@InnocentStonethrower
“You seem to talk alot yet you don’t say anything that hasn’t been said?â€
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Well that’s okay isn’t it? My questions are what brought me here. If I had the answers I would write a Gospel or something.
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(If you are under 16 plug your ears. Earmuffs damnit!)
P.S. Don’t you have potheads where you are from?
(Okay… Tap. Tap. Tap… You can unplug your ears now.)
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nite all
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@Thumper & Ships Cat
Hope all is well with you two :) Haven’t heard from you both for a little while?
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@Innocent Bystander Apr 17th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
“@ Mike
You seem to talk alot yet you don’t say anything that hasn’t been said?”
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Ah…the cowardly brainless troll is back :))
Whatsa matter IN? Has your desperation for attention that emanates from your own lack of ability and over fragile sized ego, got you feeling a little left out again troll?
Can’t contribute anything worthwhile to the conversation? Again?
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@Mike-420-
As you may have already guessed, IN is simply a sad cowardly egotistical troll whose posting ability is limited to one, or a couple, of lines of…..well…nothing!
Or ignorant opinionated dribble at best.
It’s attention seeking ego demands and draws attention to it’s own lack of ability to join in and contribute to any in depth conversation.
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Hi Mike-420-
What’s a pothead?
Nikkiee – can we have a cricket amnesty :(
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Oh no Alchemist…..only just saw that “C” news :((
Was really hoping you guys would stay in the comp, so as we could thrash you again in the final rounds :) Just won’t be the same fun winning now :((
You have all my sympathy.
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Off to an ANZAC dawn service in the morning, so early night here.
Later :))
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“Off to an ANZAC dawn service in the morning, so early night here.
Later :))”
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No don’t think I will…not until next week….glad I just checked the date/week/my name and which planet this is! Doh!! Lots happening :))
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Ahhh only a week till the Anzac Essendon (WOOOOO) v Collingwood (BOOOOOO) grudge match! Can’t wait.
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so your upset that pastafarians believe in a flying spaghetti monster? how is this mocking the cristian way?
you believe in a sentient being that has no proof of his existance
pastafarians believe or supposedly “believe” that it was the FSM that created the world
you prove to me that god exists and i will do the same with the FSM
belief is the peoples domain. every creature capable of intelligence believes in something.
you want us to believe in a person who has the power to do anything he wants (infallible)? – can god create a wall so high that he cannot jump? – if he can then he cant jump the wall there for he cant be infallible – but if thats the case then surely that means the bible lies
if he cant create a wall so high that he cant jump it then again he is infallible
the FSM does not to my knowledge proclaim to be infallible – there fore he is more believable in my opinion.
- notice it is those who believe in cristianity or other conventional religions who actually commit the most crimes
- when was the last time you saw a pastafarian arrested for murder or declare or conduct atrocious crimes of war?
morderwarg@googlemail.com
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@ jack crueso
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“……when was the last time you saw a pastafarian arrested for murder or declare or conduct atrocious crimes of war?”
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Have a heart Jack! We’ve only been going a few years. Give us a chance :)
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Ya you all are fucking idoits.How can a religion be recently “discovered”. Thats makes no fucking sense. You can at least lie and say books on this shit were found to make it somewhat believeable. For God sake even muslim have a better explanation then youll do. Repent before its too late.
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@Retards – ask a Mormon, or a Scientologist.
Hope that helps.
Oh, and we have a book.
Ah, but Muslims only get 20something virgins (or according to some translations “exquisite white feathers” – boy, are they going to be disappointed!)- and what can you do with *those*?
We get a stripper factory and a beer volcano – much better if you ask me.
And what is an idoit?
Repent – bwahahahahaha! Tried that – it was boring and pointless – I’ll stick to my flimsy moral standards, thanks.
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What are these “morals” thingys I keep reading about? Some kind of night clothes?
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@ Alchemist – “What’s a pothead?” BAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh that’s fabulous! :)
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@ Booty – I’ve heard virginity described as “overrated” and “a curable perversity”!
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@ Wench Nikkiee – I’m so glad you posted about Innocent Bystander – I was going to tell Mike about him/her/it.
“But I did have fun with my horse (his name is Rowdy, BTW) before it started… :)â€
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Oh dear…. :))))” Wench Nikkiee, you have such a dirty mind! I admire you to no end!
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@ Mike – By FSM, this is a fabulous thread! I will even forgive you for derailing it off of our lovely, completely insane story of how the bible was written! Will be getting back to that one…
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@ ihatemyspace – I’m trying to think of how to say this without Alchemist or Wench Nikkiee corrupting it! Hahahaha! They have such dirty minds…I have been an “equestrian” for 28 years now. I teach horse back riding (and corrupt the minds of teenaged girls – I teach them self-confidence!) too.
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Arrr…
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There’s goes the nickname for me (Rowdy)
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RAmen
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typo ..there’s = there
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@ BCA – Never fear! I am pretty rowdy myself! :))) I do like to cause some trouble! Always the fun kind though… :))
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Arrr…
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Me timber is shiverin’, RW
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Read a bible? You don’t what to make people athist now do you?
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@ BCA – I seem to have that effect on people! :)))
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@Rowdy ….
“I’m trying to think of how to say this without Alchemist or Wench Nikkiee corrupting it! Hahahaha! They have such dirty minds…”
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Now {hands on hips, mock “insulted” look!} I’ll have you know that I’m one of the purest creatures ever to have feasted in a sheep pen! – Mind you, you’re right about Wench Nikkiee, filthy! Honest :)
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I wish I knew why people always think I’m crude :( If you cut me do I not bleed?
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@ Alchemist – BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
At martial arts last night one of the guys said something about people being a bunch of sheep. I *almost* said “RAmen brother” out loud – choked it back though! Later (but while still at the studio) I told Tina (friend that goes to martial arts with me) about that and she said “I know what you guys do with sheep!” I was GONE! I only recovered through sheer force of will!
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Ah Rowdy – “to err is human – to baa is divine!”
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Has Tina posted yet? Oh yeah, did some story thing, it’s as a diary at the moment – I’ll post a except when I can be arsed :)
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@ Alchemist – As I posted on another thread and is appropriate here too: *Rowdy snorts in a most unfeminine but appreciative way*!!
Tina has said she enjoys hearing about it and is a Pastafarian at heart but doesn’t want to get involved in posting. She is working very hard to do well in school and knows she’d get addicted like the rest of us…
I will get back to the story thing this evening…it’s fun but I’ve had lots of other things to think about the last few days…
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Rowdy….
“*Rowdy snorts in a most unfeminine but appreciative way*!!
Tina has said she enjoys hearing about it and is a Pastafarian at heart but doesn’t want to get involved in posting. She is working very hard to do well in school and knows she’d get addicted like the rest of us…”
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Yeah – addiction can be a problem! As a qualified monkey and candle wax inhaler with a penchant for Marmite I can say, categorically;
“Beer is good!” – the Archangel Gabriel just informed me in a vision!
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Alchemist – I haven’t laughed so much in my life as I have since I’ve been posting here! You just kill me! :)) BTW – I never did like Marmite…something wrong with me I’m sure!!
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Rowdy “…BTW – I never did like Marmite…something wrong with me I’m sure!!”
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‘Tis the dreaded “yeast recessive gene!” *Drum roll please! Thank you!*
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Marmite coated chilli peppers are to die for :) Hmmm! Next question ” how long can I pretend to be “not stoned” answers on a postcard to “Anthony Blair” “Number 11 Downing Street (he swapped with Brown – sounds familiar :)).
All letters must be sent in padded bags with copious amounts of marzipan applied to the envelope (the dogs *love* marzipan :) esp sniffer dogs :)))).
Use of green crayon is encouraged!
REPEAT:
Green crayon is ON! Green crayon is ON!
FSMspeed pilgrims – I wish I was going with ya!
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Alchemist – Why green? I like purple…can I use purple? Or would that send the wrong message? Do I have to eat any of the marzipan? Never liked that much either…
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No no! Purple’s fine! Just rub the marzipan over the padded envelope :) You can add “sticking-out wires” for added fun!
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Ooooh – I hadn’t thought of wires. Do you suppose the FBI or Interpol is monitoring this? :))) Hope they know it’s just “mostly harmless” fun!!
Out for a bit…back later!
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Black and red wires seem to be the prerequisite these days! Sick a green on in too! Adds to the tension!
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CIA and NSA more likely – that’s why I always wear teflon!
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Bahahahaha! OK I really need to study for the damned entrance exam for school…this is so much more fun though!
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Arrr…
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I be volunteering to “rub your envelope”, RW
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@ BCA – Bahahahaha! Laughing too hard to have appropriate response! :))) But I don’t want to disappoint, so how’s “I’ll bring the marzipan”? :))
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Ahhh :) Don’t you love the sound of a serious discussion being mauled :) I know I do!
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Sorry to be a Serious Sally in the middle of so much fun Randomness so I’ll just throw up one big chunk of fat and be out of the way again.
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@Dutch
From: Apr 17, 11:25pm
“All the churches (or most of them anyway) take huge amounts of money to keep themselves goingâ€
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That’s a good point. At least NPOs have a clear purpose. One that they can be held accountable to. Where as the Church as we know it in the Western World (which is all that I can speak to, because it’s all I know) collects funds for a much broader purpose. It owns land. Builds VERY expensive churches, et cetera.
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One thing we could do is examine the Church for its cost/benefit to society? But would we take into account the past? We can’t really. We all know the bad stuff the Church has done but none of the good or mediocre stuff. The atrocities live on… so long as some of the victims do. But what we can do is examine the Church as it stands today. And that’s what this Website is all about. Pirates rule…
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@Wench Nikkee & Rowdy
From: Apr 18, 2:20am & 10:06am
Thanks for the props. He/she/it’s a nasty little thing isn’t he/she/it?
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@Alchemist
From: Apr 18, 4:13am
I don’t know Alchemist. I heard my older brother talking about one once. I thought maybe you could tell me. By the way… what are you doing up at 4:20 in the morning, seems late for such a good boy to be up at ;)
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@Jack Crueso
From: Apr 18, 5:08am
I like your argument. Problem is, that no self-respecting or intelligent “God believer†will get into a discussion on the subject of the fallibility of God. They just won’t do it. We all believe you but they don’t want to talk about it do they? You have a good point though.
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As far as the infallibility of Pastafarians. Isn’t this whole section of the Website designed to mock and ridicule the Christian-right that writes us fukkin hilarious hate mail? So we’re no saints either. But we never claimed to be. We’re bloody pirates! They may have oars but we have swords and stripper factories!
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@ “Retardsâ€
How could I leave such a sunshine like you for last? I apologize. After the kindness you extended us how could I not reciprocate? But you know what? Your tiny little child mind would only take a I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I attitude and I want none of it. Have a nice day sunshine.
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Fun; recommence….
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“A Strong Christian”
Is that an oxymoron like “Military Intelligence”
Because you can’t be strong when your mind is so feeble it requires a crutch
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Mike – 0420 ? Where do you think I’m from :) (I be BST!) I’ll admit I can keep odd hours! Really depends on the sheep ;)
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British! That explains the humour :)
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Well – at least you can spell it =))
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@ Mike – No problem on interrupting the fun! That’s how it works around here…we have this odd ability to make random switches. It makes life more interesting! I agree that we are no saints! But we like it that way…and we are willing to question ourselves and each other. I’ve never known another group like this one.
As to “Alchemist” and “good boy” being in the same sentence together – bwahahahaha!!! Please don’t do that to me again! I may not survive this thread after all! :)))
@ Alchemist – “Ahhh :) Don’t you love the sound of a serious discussion being mauled :) I know I do!” I’ll second that comment! RAmen!
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hmmmm :( My reputation has been dirtied – henceforth I shall be known as “Sir Ermintrude” I challenge the forces of darkness to do battle with my purest of souls! Fear me, oh demons of the Abyss, the chosen one has returned!”
Well, can I have me tea and biscuits (cookies) first! Oh, my mum want’s me back by tea time as well!
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@ Alchemist – bahahaha! Reputation! Bahahaha! :))) I’ll battle the forces of darkness with you! :)
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@Rowdy “…..I’ll battle the forces of darkness with you! :)”
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Well, we can’t be Superman and Xena, they’ve been taken.
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How about “Can be quite annoying when he sets his mind to it man” and “oh yeah, try it bastard! Woman!”
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Now available at all good stockists!
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My reputation is legendary Rowdy! Cast no aspersions upon my spotless soul! Out! Out I tell ye! Won’t be long, “Flossy” the longhorn ewe is calling for me :)
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@ Alchemist – Right then! Let’s get battling! LOL!! Say ‘hi’ to flossy for me! :))))
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