You Atheists think you have got it all figured out huh? So you THINK you know that there is no God so you make up this ridiculous fake religion. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? COME ON!! As if making fun of Christians for believing in God wasn’t bad enough you have to mock us by making up The Flying Spaghetti monster? Yeah, I know that an atheist made this crap up, because no one is stupid enough to actually believe Pasta is our Almighty God. This is totally wrong and whoever started this is seriously going to pay unless you repent. Because if you don’t, you and all your believers are all going to burn in HELL for eternity. So pick up a Bible, and READ IT!!
Sincerely,
A Strong Christian
I don’t claim to think that there is no god, I merely do not see any reason whatsoever to believe that there is any sort of higher power (or god if you will) based on all available evidence.
“I do not pretend to be able to prove that there is no god. I equally cannot prove that Satan is a fiction. The Christian god may exist; so may the gods of Olympus, or of ancient Egypt, or of Babylon. But no one of these hypotheses is more probable than any other: they lie outside the region of even probable knowledge, and therefore there is no reason to consider any of them.”
-Bertrand Russell
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Correction above ^^^^^
Should have said, “I don’t claim to know there is no god….”
That’s what I get for keeping one eye on the tv….
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@A Strong Christian
As if making fun of Pastafarians for believing in the wasn’t bad enough you have to mock us by making up an invisible omnipresent being?
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Think this one is a bit suspect.
Is there a hatemail comp on by any chance?
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edit: “for believing in the FSM wasn’t bad enough”
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I’m really getting tired of all this Hell bashing.
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Seriously, Hell gets a bad rap. What do we really know about Hell? I mean has anyone ever been there? Sure, there are people that say they’ve gone through Hell and back, but they haven’t REALLY been to Hell. They’re just trying to make a point.
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Of course we have that drivel by Dante, but he’s just another author… a media whore. You have to consider the possiblity that his vision of Hell was created just to sell books so he could pay for his coke habit and score with chicks.
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On a final note, I need clarification. If we don’t repent, will we be going to Hell, Michigan, USA ( http://www.hell2u.com ), or will we be going to Hell, Norway ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell,_Norway ). I’m curious, because I’ve been to Michigan many times and to be honest, it’s not all that bad of a place. The fishing is pretty good and they have the largest number of golf courses per capita in the country. Does God hate fisherman and golfers? I’ve never been to Norway, but I think I would like to visit. I hear the winters are very cold, so perhaps “burning in Hell” wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
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OEJ
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> Because if you don’t, you and all your believers are all going to burn in HELL for eternity.
what a ridiculous bullshit
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@A Strong Christian
Having read some of your Bible, I must inquire about the following: Why is it that Christians like yourself only feel a need to heed a select few of Jesus’ teachings? You seem to be very devoted to trying to convert every last person on the face of the Earth (Matthew: 28: 19-20), but Christians (including you) don’t adhere to the proscription “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” (Matthew: 7:1). You also don’t seem to follow the commandment to pluck out your eyes rather than look at a woman lustfully (Matthew: 5: 28-29). As a group, Christians do not seem to have a problem with getting divorces or marrying divorced women, even though Jesus says that it is tantamount to adultery (Matthew: 5: 32). Christians, including you, affiliate themselves publicly with the movement. Shouldn’t you pray in secret because your purpose in prayer is to speak to god rather than to be seen by others (Matthew: 6: 2-4)? All in all, I must say that I think that Christians have very selective hearing. You are keen to make other people your disciples, but you do not know what too teach them should they listen.
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As you aptly put it: “pick up a Bible, and READ IT!!”
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-Avatar of Reason
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Yuck, I’d rather read a good book than that drivel. It has a few interessting stories, but no storyline, no character development, is inconsistent with itself, keeps repeating itself. Not a very impressive one.
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I guess all that trolling some folks have been doing is paying off! Haven’t had that many new threads in ages. Plus all the newspaper articles about Brian of course.
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So many christians like nothing better than to yell at outsiders that they are no good and will go to hell. Which is the place where all non-christian philosophers are supposed to be, so much more interesting.
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To “A Strong Christian”… Avatar of Reason has an excellent point. Why don’t *YOU* pick up a Bible and read it? I guarantee that when you’re done, you’ll be begging to join the Pastafarians and we will welcome you with open arms. And Hell isn’t actually a place where you burn (I bet your priest didn’t teach you that when he was… never mind), it’s a nice cool temperature and very pretty as well. So consider the offer, please.
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Again to “A Strong Christian”… By the way, I am *NOT* an atheist. I believe with all my heart that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the one true god and I pray that His Noodly Appendage will touch you some day.
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@ Wench Beth – “(I bet your priest didn’t teach you that when he was… never mind)” – Wahahaha! Good job! Love it…
I’m off to bed now. Lots of good stuff to catch up on – will be a project for tomorrow.
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@Wench Beth:
Thanks for complementing my post!
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@One Eyed Jack Apr 12th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
“I’ve never been to Norway, but I think I would like to visit. I hear the winters are very cold, so perhaps “burning in Hell†wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”
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If we get to vote, I’m voting on Norway. Apparently Hell is often frozen over, but a post a while back suggested we could take our own fuel to make sure we could get some nice flame going for the burning bit.
RAmen
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To Avatar of Reason… you are quite welcome. I enjoy reading your words of wisdom, always.
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To Wench Nikkiee… after we all go to Hell in Norway, we can then travel south to Oslo where the summers are warm and the pubs are open ALL NIGHT LONG ’cause it doesn’t get dark! (The FSM must have arranged that bit.)
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On a semi-serious note, I think I’ll ride my motorcycle up to Hell, Michigan this summer. That way the next time someone says go to Hell, I can say, “Been there. Got the T-shirt.”
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OEJ
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hahahahaha
Be sure to send the CoFSM a postcard OEJ :)
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Well, they do claim to have pineapples in hell. How bad can it be?
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Hell looks OK to me…can get good postcards there too :)
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http://hell.no/site/hell2/postcards.php?kat=Animations&PHPSESSID=12425d9630f684e11ff1b7db7d07aade
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http://hell.no/site/hell2/
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I’ve picked up the bible and read it. Here’s what I learned:
-pi is exactly 3 (2 Chronicles 4:2)
-Kill non-christians (Deut 13:1-5)
-Kill blasphemers (Levit. 24:16)
Thankyou for encouraging me to read this Bible of yours, I have learned plenty. However, I think I shall stick to Pastafarianism
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A strond Christian – In the words of Phoebe from Friends, in response to your request that I read the Bible: “Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”
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Hihihihi, Saucy, in Dutch stront (with a t but it sounds the same) means shit. Like the name much better, much more appropiate :)
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RDPK – Too funny! I’ve outdone myself.
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@Strong Christian
“Pasta is our Almighty God”…Meow!…astute observation…well done…
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*cat makes no apology for quoting dysfunctional fundie freak out of context*
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Now seriously, henderob: have you actually READ the bible?
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@A Strong Christian
Tried reading the bible, once. But it was a bit too… unpleasant for me. All that killing, all those people being “burned in holy fire” because they didn’t believe in Yahweh, all that thinly disguised propaganda…
I’ll stick to atheism, thanks. If you are so concerned about our spiritual well-being, maybe we should at the very least ask for a ratio of wars started by atheists to those started by believers in Yahweh. It might shake your faith more than you think.
RAmen
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I prefer Stephen King and his updated version of bible stories. The old fashioned horror and blood bible stories just don’t have any bite left to them now that we know the earth revolves around the sun.
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I have read the bible and it is one of the most boring and verbose collection of words i have ever had the misfortune of reading. If Jesus/GOD is so wonderful he could have made it a little more interesting and to be frank there are so many holes in the plot you couldn’t strain spaghetti with it….
hold on…
is this a sign from the FSM?
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I’ve read the bible, started off a bit weird. Bit samey in the middle, no real characterisation.
The last few chapters though, wow! Had every thing; whores, seals, monsters, plagues, demons, angels, big battles, boiling seas. Fantastic stuff (literally). I suspect the author had found a really good crop of mushrooms for the finish!
RAmen!
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Alchemist, I love it- you are so right. and as for Strong Christian, clearly reading the Bible has no effect on whether or not we’re going to hell since many of the people you are condeming have read it (and it seems like you haven’t) Not that going to hell sounds so bad now, I love post cards and T-shirts, and something about pineapples?
RAmen
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@ Shallahan – you may not like the pineapples after you find out what they are for! :P
@ Alchemist – never thought of the mushroom thing! But it works for me! I did also just get a mental image of a group of people sitting around laughing their arses off saying “ooh, let’s put this bit in and see if we can get people to go for it”.
@ Gnocci Man – excellent post! RAmen!
@ Ships Cat – I have GOT to figure out your schedule so I can chat with you my furry friend! ;)
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You Christians think you have got it all figured out huh?
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You Christians think you have got it all figured out huh? So you THINK you know that there is no Flying Spaghetti Monster so you make up this ridiculous fake religion. The Church of Jesus Christ? COME ON!! As if making fun of Pastafarians for believing in Flying Spaghetti Monster wasn’t bad enough you have to mock us by making up a “God” on a “throne” in “heaven” and his “crucified” son? Yeah, I know that a self-serving, greedy lout made this crap up, because no one is stupid enough to actually believe an anthropomorphic deity is our Almighty God. This is totally wrong and whoever started this is seriously going to pay unless you eat spaghetti. Because if you don’t, you and all your believers are all going to be denied the Stripper Factory and Beer Volcano in FSM Heaven for eternity. So pick up a copy of the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and READ IT!!
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Sincerely,
A Strong Pastafarian
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Cap’nUberbob
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@ Cap’n Uberbob – RAmen! Brilliant as always. We can always count on you to “translate” the hate mail – fantastic! :)
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Actually, it’s by definition you theists who “think you have it all figured out”. That’s what the whole religion-thing is about, thinking, or believing if you will, that “things” are in a certain way.
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@ Fredrik – Not to be argumentative with such a good point but please don’t make the mistake of thinking that religions cause or allow people to think at all. It’s all about belief, which is in direct conflict with thought/reason.
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Study to shew thyself approved unto the FSM, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
No, I certainly don’t know EVERYTHING, but I am daily trying to understand HIS mysteries and HIS ways. I am trying to ‘work out my own salvation, with fear and trembling.’
All praise to HIS Savory Balls.
rAmen
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@Shallahan – it’s strange how many people have read the bible on this site :) Makes you wonder why we ended up here. Perhaps we heard the unmistakeable *splat* of it hitting the ground.
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*sniff, sniff* “hmmm, dog?, cat?, Noooo bullshit!
Rowdy – hahahaha! Ya, I can picture that now.
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Dramaticus personae:
John (a pothead and mushroom freak)
Timothy (an alcoholic)
Paul (misogynist and part time taxman from Tarsus)
Phil (some bloke they met at the tavern)
Rudolph (a reindeer – with a taste for Gin)
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It’s 3am in a dimly lit cellar, about two hundred paces from ‘The Tiberius Tavern’. All are seated, cross legged, around a strange, wonderful, bubbling pipe. Apart from Rudolph, who was trying to rut the table.
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“I’m soooo fucking stoned” said John. “What was that about crack?”
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“Not crack, you muppet ! Kraken!” said Timothy
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“Why do the seas have to boil? I mean, what have the fish ever done to deserve it, eh? Mind you, save on cooking!” Phil quipped.
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They all collapsed into a giggling heap for half an hour. Eventually, Paul said “who the fuck is he?” pointing at Phil.
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“Dunno! Thought he was your mate! Will someone get that ruddy reindeer off me leg!”
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“Ooooh, we need seals, at least seven!” replied Paul, after a few hours.
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“Aren’t they fish?” said Phil
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“Naah – mammals I think! Not sure. Will someone get that bloody reindeer out of here, he’s trying to shag my ear now!”
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Henceforth this shall be known as “The Revelation of John”
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@ Alchemist – ROFL!! *Rowdy wipes eyes tries to breathe* If that post doesn’t go down as one of the classics on this site I’ll be sorely disappointed!! OMFSM I’m gone…*Rowdy wipes eyes again desperately tries to regain composure*
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Alchemist
You are a fucking genius. ArArArArArArArArArAr:-D
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They say I’ll burn in hell, but if anyone who has sinned goes to hell, then all the interesting people will be there.
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ouch, talk about cruel and unusual pineapple punishment! o well I’ve got my bets on beer valcanoes and stripper factories in the afterlife.
RAmen
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Geez Alchemist, what are you trying to do, choke me with laughter? I just snorted Diet Coke all over my screen. Now the paper towel is sticking to it. thanks a lot.
^_^
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@Strong Christian
If you read the Bible, and can actually interpret more than 50% of it, then you’ll understand that you don’t burn in Hell. Hell is eternal separation from God. Please, try to understand what the Bible is saying before you rant and tell other people to read it, sir.
Sincerely,
LOL@U, which is exactly what I’m doing at the moment.
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Paul (who was Saul, until he realised a good thing when it kicked him in the nadgers) said;
“More monsters! Look Johnny boy, you have to give the public what they want! They want to be scared! Will you please put that bloody reindeer outside!”
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John said unto his brethren “The horses and riders I saw in my vision looked like this…”
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“You’re wankered John!” Phil intoned! “For fucks sake stop the mushrooms!”
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“Knob off” said John “What about a bloody big Whale?” “That’ll sell a few books? Will you please control your reindeer! Get him off me!!”
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@ Dread Wench – It took me a long time to recover from that post! Actually, I’m not sure I have yet! :P
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@ Alchemist – Oh would you please stop! I am in pain at this point! J/K about stopping – I love it! :))))
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I’ll continue the story when sober :)))
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@ Alchemist – sounds like fun! Will look forward to that!
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Hahahaha
Good Job D!
Ramen
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My contribution thus far:
“Our story needs a rockbadger” says John.
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“What the fuck is a rockbadger? What have you been smoking this time anyway?” slurs Timothy.
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“I dunno”, replies John, “but if it will get the reindeer’s interest so it will quit shagging my leg I’m all for it. And besides, I just had a vision of a wabbit being fascinated with rockbadgers!”
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“I’ll have some of what you’re smoking” Phil says unto John.
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“Mmmm, rockbadgers!” spoketh the reindeer.
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Enter Nancy, the barmaid from the Tiberius Tavern, clearly put out by something.
“Look, guys, good Lord what have you been smoking in here? Anyhoo, I need to talk to you about the damned reindeer. I bent over to get something from under the bar and the bugger had a go at me! Now I have this problem…kind of a “burning bush” I guess you’d call it. What do you propose we do about it, and where has that reindeer been anyway?”
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“It’s your fault, barwench” spake Paul the misogynist. “If you wouldn’t dress that way the poor reindeer wouldn’t have been tempted. We need something in this story about keeping women under control. Can we find a way to blame them for everything that goes wrong?”
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“Sod off!” speaketh Nancy. “And keep the damned reindeer under control!”
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“What’s a “good Lord”?” Questions Timothy. Can we write one of those into the story?
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