Satan sure has a hold on you.

Mr. Henderson,

All I can say is, Satan sure has a hold on you. Since you feel you need to be spreading nonsense around instead of truth. My prayer for you is that one day you will find the Lord Jesus…not the “Flying Spaghetti Monster” as the one you will look to for your daily strength. It’s too bad that you are taking this so lightly, The fact of the matter is, our founding fathers founded this nation on TRUE religious principles, not the nonsense you are making up. I’ll be praying for you, and your followers.

Sincerely,
Kim [xxxxxxxx]

248 Responses to “Satan sure has a hold on you.”

Pages: « 1 2 3 4 [5] Show All

  1. 201 - One-eyed Wonderkin - Jul 31st, 2007

    As far as I can tell, you are as crazy as usual, Rowdiest Wench.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  2. 202 - Bearded Clam Admirer - Jul 31st, 2007

    @RW
    .
    Club? Naughty wench….

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  3. 203 - Rowdiest Wench - Jul 31st, 2007

    @ OEW – Ahahahahaha! Yep, pretty much!
    .
    @ BCA – count on it! :)))
    .
    Back in a bit…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  4. 204 - Iron Bess - Jul 31st, 2007

    Satan’s Got A Hold On Me – Hey that sounds like a great title for a song.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  5. 205 - Bearded Clam Admirer - Jul 31st, 2007

    unzip and choke that red bastard….

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  6. 206 - One-eyed Wonderkin - Jul 31st, 2007

    BCA – That is a great song title!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  7. 207 - One-eyed Wonderkin - Jul 31st, 2007

    I wonder if it would get air play – “coming up next unzip and choke that red bastard” – I bet it would be a college radio hit.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  8. 208 - Bearded Clam Admirer - Jul 31st, 2007

    Beat one out for the Gipper?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  9. 209 - Rowdiest Wench - Jul 31st, 2007

    @ BCA – LOL!!!!! Fantastic!!!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  10. 210 - Church of the Three Truths (FSM – IPU – SubGenius) - Jul 31st, 2007

    @Rowdiest Wench Jul 31st, 2007 at 1:59 pm
    .
    @ BCA – Hustler? Club is much better! :))
    .
    I’m partial to SWANK & SWANK Extreme… Very Nice!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  11. 211 - One-eyed Wonderkin - Jul 31st, 2007

    Wow, you guys need to discover DVD media. Your eyes may melt.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  12. 212 - Rowdiest Wench - Jul 31st, 2007

    @ OEW – Yep! Done that already! No melting eyes though! :)))

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  13. 213 - Bearded Clam Admirer - Jul 31st, 2007

    Can anyone help me find a betamax?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  14. 214 - One-eyed Wonderkin - Jul 31st, 2007

    I am sure you can find one on ebay.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  15. 215 - Bearded Clam Admirer - Jul 31st, 2007

    Curse you, betamax porn……

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  16. 216 - Rowdiest Wench - Jul 31st, 2007

    @ BCA – Ahahahaha! I was going to post something earlier about “What, you have betamax porn?” I guess I should have… :))

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  17. 217 - aneurin - Aug 5th, 2007

    what Satan got to do with fsm

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  18. 218 - Luke - Aug 9th, 2007

    I’m a devout FSM believer, and i find these comments against this religion offensive, how dare you imply that there’s no such thing as a flying spaghetti monster, it’s not like i go around and pay out your christian god, there’s just as much evidence for my god as there is for yours. dickheads.

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  19. 219 - Evil Gerbil - Aug 9th, 2007

    FSM and Lucifer are the best of chums. Ol’ Luci likes to come up and chug at the beer volcano once in a while. If he gets any Pastafarians showing up at his gates, he sends them right up to the stripper factory.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  20. 220 - Wags - Aug 9th, 2007

    I tried watching Betamax porn, but by the time I fast-forwarded to the good part, I was done.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  21. 221 - falafeln - Aug 9th, 2007

    haha it’s nice you have find the “truth”, but let us intelligent people find ours…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  22. 222 - satanownsyoursoul - Aug 16th, 2007

    Hate to brake it to you buddy, but, your religeon isnt the only “right” or “true” one out there.

    Save your religious principles to yourself, and stop being a Bible thumping asshole.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  23. 223 - PIRATES-IN-PORN - Aug 16th, 2007

    AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAGAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    YOU’RE A BIBLE THUMPING ASSHOLE!!!
    AHAHAHAHAHAH!

    BURN IN HELL YOU BITCH!
    I FUCKING HATE YOU JESUS-FREAK,
    I LUVV THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!!!!!!!

    HE’S AND SO CUTE AND CUDDLY!
    HE ACTUALLY HAS BALLLLS!

    Peace && Love
    -Caroline♥

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  24. 224 - DutchPastaGuy - Aug 16th, 2007

    Caroline, welcome to the church of the FSM, but your post is hardly distinguishable to what the christian fundies usually produce. We’re happy to have you among us, would be happier still with language slightly less reminiscent of christian shouters.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  25. 225 - Cho - Aug 16th, 2007

    Founding fathers? Note the angry homosexuals that are atheists.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  26. 226 - Julian - Aug 17th, 2007

    I’m pleased to say it is not Satan who has a hold on me… It is the FSM. And we’ll be praying for you…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  27. 227 - PastaLitox - Aug 17th, 2007

    Arrr! Kim, you need to learn that Christianity is just some way of the system to control you! I’ll be praying for you though. Ramen, and fuck the system!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  28. 228 - PastaPirate - Aug 21st, 2007

    “The fact of the matter is, our founding fathers founded this nation on TRUE religious principles,”

    The Treaty of Tripolo disagrees with you.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  29. 229 - MetallipandA - Nov 9th, 2007

    Satan Is my friend, cool guy but a terrible drinker, can´t stand tequila,

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  30. 230 - mentos - Nov 30th, 2007

    What nation? this is the internet sweetheart, america isn’t the only continent on the planet.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  31. 231 - neal - Nov 30th, 2007

    Hey Kim. perhaps you being all close to God and knowing his mind, and needless to say, the mysteries of the universe can explain a few things to us?

    –Why dose Satan do what he does? And don’ say he’s evil. Why’s he evil, what does he get out of being evil? Why did he rebel agains god when he was in gods presence, saw god and knew god’s full capabilities?

    –Also why doesn’t god just clear up the mystery of whether or not he exists and what laws he wants us to observe. Couldn’t he just buy airtime. And don’t tell me, he wants us to have faith. Why does your god want us to believe in his existence with no evidence of his existence? Why does he want us to believe with no proof? What’s the logical reason for that? If he doen’t want to give us direct evidence of his existence why not at least provide a cogent and convincing reason for its absence?
    Everything I’ve ever read in scriptures says somthing to the effect that believing without proof is just “better” Why’s it better, Kim? Did believing the assertiions of people like Hitler and Stalin without convincing evidence prove a wise choice for the German or Russian peoples? When has taking it on faith proven a wise choice for the American people, In Iraq? Given the track record of following and believing like a sheep how could anyone seriously propose that the wisest and most benevolent (accoriding to You) being in the universe would make it a prerequisite for salvation?

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  32. 232 - doctor weerdo - Dec 7th, 2007

    Why do christens always claim that America was created by the founding fathers to be a Christian nation? If you honestly think that, look at some of their arguments and writings that they made at the time. Many of our founding fathers despised religion (for example Jefferson).

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  33. 233 - Hooch - Dec 8th, 2007

    doctor weerdo, that is an excellent point. Wasnt one of the reasons the ‘pilgrims’ originally came to the ‘new world’ to escape the religious persecution? Its sad that now Christian America feels that they have the right to persecute others, when the original founders of America were here to escape that same problem.

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  34. 234 - pheer6224 - Dec 28th, 2007

    Didn’t the pilgrims come here for religious freedom?

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  35. 235 - Martha - Dec 28th, 2007

    No, the Pilgrims did NOT come here for religious freedom! They came in order to practice THEIR religion, but they did not plan to offer such freedom to other religions. A common misconception.

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  36. 236 - Theo - Dec 28th, 2007

    Caroline♥;

    Stop doing that.

    OT: Satan doesn’t have a hold on us, because we don’t believe he exists.

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  37. 237 - neal - Dec 28th, 2007

    When Xtains claim America was founded as a Christian nation, they are full of it. While true, the original pilgrims founded a religious based colony in Massachusetts, and another in Virginia, what is overlooked is the founding occurred fully 170 years prior to the Declaration of Independence.

    In that interval, the Americas developed a secular, humanistic class of people who became the Founding Fathers. Both Jerrerson and Madison were for the strictest separation of church and state. The phrase “wall of separation” which fundamentalists decry and claim is a spurious interpretation of the First Amendment was coined by Jefferson, the selfsame author of that amendment. (Anyone who argues in one breath for a strict constructionist-originalist interpretation of the constitution iand in their second breath proclaims that the first amendment does not mandate a “wall of separation” is profoundly ignorant of the legislative history of the constitution and the intent of its authors).

    Then there is Madison, the other author of the Amendment. When the US congress decided to have chaplains in the pay of the government, take a guess what he wrote about it. It is easily enough found if you google it-I wont post the link.

    In short, the founding fathers were not the advocates of a Christian city on a hill, that these ignorant fundamentalist proclaim they were. Those advocates, the Cotton Mathers and the like had died out a century before.

    As a matter of fact, Xtains fundamentalists are abysmally ignorant of history. How often have they proclaimed that God punished the Roman Empire for the crucifixion of Jesus and of course their pagan sinfulness by allow Rome to fall.
    What they omitt is that Rome fell in 433AD and Christ was crucified on or around 33AD. Thus God was punishing a generation of Romans who were as far removed from the guilt of Christ’s crucufixion as we were removed from the Indian massacres of Cotton and Increase Mather. Moreover, Rome adopted Christainity a century earlier, under the emperor Constantine who made it the sole, official religion of the empire. Finally, the Roman empire lasted for another 1000 years in the East with Constantinople (contemporarary Instanbul) as its capital.

    It’s a pity more people don’t challenge their facts when they spew this stuff on national tv.

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  38. 238 - Apprentice Frederic - Dec 28th, 2007

    @Martha
    I checked, and you’re exactly right! The Pilgrims were an especially nasty variety of Puritan; Christmas was actually banned both in Puritan England and some parts of the Colonies for a while. I think it eventually fell out that Oliver Cromwell was so unpopular that they dug him up a century after he was executed and hung him some more. I just love them lofty religious principles…..

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  39. 239 - Apprentice Frederic - Dec 28th, 2007

    @Martha, all: I was wrong. He died naturally and was executed later, LOFOMAO.

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  40. 240 - JC - Dec 28th, 2007

    @235 Martha
    Dec 28th, 2007 at 11:29 am
    No, the Pilgrims did NOT come here for religious freedom! They came in order to practice THEIR religion, but they did not plan to offer such freedom to other religions. A common misconception.

    It is nieve to think that every pilgrim was of the same religion, or that they all had a religion.

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  41. 241 - zach - Dec 29th, 2007

    Haahahahaha Have fun with that evil Jesus
    Jesus is an AssHole he Says if you are Gay you are going to hell
    If you have a dif Religion you are going to hell

    Even If Jesus was real I whouldent worship him becuse he is a Ass Turd

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  42. 242 - Repmuht - Dec 29th, 2007

    @JC
    I thought the Pilgrims (i.e Mayflower) were English Puritan X-tains and thus of the same religion. I’ve never studied American history but this was my understanding. Is this incorrect? What other religions were represented by the Pilgrims?

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  43. 243 - CindyB - Dec 29th, 2007

    For some reason, fundamentalists never check the facts, but blindly follow what their religious leaders tell them. If they’d bother to do a little research, they’d read the Constitution, which never mentions God or Christianity. Its only references to religion are to negate any fealty to a particular religion by stating plainly “no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust,” which has been violated by the current administration (as in the attorneys general scandals, where many of the appointees came from Christian schools). If we are, as the fundies say, a Christian nation, why doesn’t the Constitution plainly say that? In fact, in 1797 the treaty with Tripoli says “the government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion.” I’m sure someone has posted this previously, but I didn’t read all 240 responses to the original letter, so sorry if I repeat.

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  44. 244 - Satan - Dec 29th, 2007

    Thomas Jefferson was agnostic.

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  45. 245 - Teh Spag-worshipper - Dec 29th, 2007

    Erm… Pennsylvania was definitely founded on the principle of religious freedom; William Penn made it up because he needed somewhere where minority religions (in his case Quakers) could go and not be persecuted.
    Ah, the joys of a Quaker education…
    Which I haven’t had, but whatever.

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  46. 246 - Apprentice Frederic - Dec 29th, 2007

    @JC
    I think that the Pilgrims (capital “P”) actually were overwhelmingly Cromwell’s Puritans, and that their tolerance was thin to nonexistent, and that it is naive (nieve might be Spanish for “snow”?) to imagine otherwise. The history of the Puritans in England, BTW, and the craziness and carnage they precipitated, provides a parallel to the Fundie movement in the US that is worth thinking about.

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  47. 247 - Gaige Cleveland - Mar 6th, 2009

    It

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  48. 248 - Pamantha - Mar 21st, 2009

    Haha ^^ nice, is there a section to follow the RSS feed

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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American




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