Do you guys like this boat?
(you can’t really tell, but I crossed out the name of the boat, and wrote “church of the fsm”)
(note – in picture 2, there used to be a lady standing on the deck, but I photoshopped her out. You can still sort of see her legs if you look closely)
It’s not a pirate boat. But here’s the thing: it’s also not $2 million. This one’s a Tayana 37. The one pictured isn’t for sale, but they run about $100k, which we could probably handle *right now*.
The official FSM church missionary pirate boat IS going to happen, it’s just a matter of to what degree you want. I want to get everyone’s opinion on this. Wait until we can afford a “real” pirate ship, or get something smaller and start now? The Church makes nowhere near the amount of cash to get a millions-of-dollars boat anytime soon, if ever. The funds now are all coming from the t-shirts, car emblems, and book sales, and they’ve about leveled off. However, we do have a licensing arrangement, and there are some tv interests. That could mean some more cash for the pirate-boat-fund.
And there’s the option of fund-raising, but I’m guessing that people would be apprehensive paying into a fund like this (I would be). And are there that many seriously interested people who would pay $1k or more for a share of a pirate boat? I sort of wonder.
Maybe we could purchase a working boat, like a Baltic Trader (it’s sort of piratey), one of those ships that moves cargo from island to island in the tropics.
(baltic trader)
A trading ship would make enough money to keep it going (boats are crazy-expensive to upkeep). By the way, a Baltic Traders can easily go for a million dollars or more.
As for the actual missionary work we’ll be doing, I think it will take place somewhere tropical. Other than that, maybe we’ll just cruise around and wait for inspiration, like Jesus did.
And, as I’m sure there will be no shortage of volunteers, if we get a smaller boat we’ll have to figure out how to arrange the crewing,etc. And also I heard that it’s somewhat complicated to sail and maneuver around islands and other boats and things, so we’ll have to figure out a way to keep from sinking. Like a rule that at least a couple people onboard at anytime know what they’re doing.
Please discuss, I want to hear everyone’s opinions on this.
I believe that if you want to truly honor the FSM then the only proper option is to build your own vessel. It would be cheaper than an authentic one, and can be built to whatever specifications would be required. Don’t just buy one that will “suffice”, pay Him a true homage and build one in his name.
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theres a group of people that have built and sail a replica of the Nina, of columbus history. i think last time they sailed into town for the week they said it was built in south america, and they are working on another for the fleet. in the winter months, it sails in the caribbean.
building a boat, especially one like this is super expensive, and possibly untrustworthy. but the prospect of getting out there excites me, and I’d like to offer up my services as a full time bosun. Already have the whistle!
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I like the look of the trading one, much more piratey, but as I get seasick in the bath I have volunteered to man (wench) the harbour bar.
I work for the NHS *insert hollow laugh here* so don’t have any spare money to put towards the fund :( Sorry :(
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LONG AND TEDIOUS POST WARNING enjoy ;p
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Personally, I’d say go with the trader first. It’s all very well to say build your own, but it will cost money… more money than you have.
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Trying to save for something like this will be nigh on impossible if your sole income source for this is FSM paraphenalia.
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Likewise, getting a bank loan for a vessel that has no particular purpose (as far as a bank would be concerned, my own views differ somewhat) would be either
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a) immensely difficult,
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b) prohibtively expensive
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c) both
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By comparison, buying a trader is a business investment. Business investment is easily explained, has a lower danger of failing to recoup investment than charity, and will also provide funds enough to survive on for the forseeable future.
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Consider;
Trading between islands, (self explanatory really)
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Working cruises, where for a small fee, a potential sailor works on the ship for a month etc (this system is commonly used on replica ships here in Oz)
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Leisure cruises, where for a large fee, the person enjoys heaven on earth (who wouldn’t want to sail with a bunch of roguish pirates and crafty wenches though beautiful tropical waters, discussing the finer points of philosphy, theology, beer and the art of making a really good marinara?).
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Theatre; special guest appearences of the pirates, staging an annual raid on, say, Miami, would make a great tourist attraction for the city, leading to possible government investment, or at the very least, greater public awareness.
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After that, it gets a bit fiddly, but think also of novelty weddings, collaboration with atheist/secular societies for events, etc.
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With sufficient self promotion, and a little bit of noodley loving, you would earn enough to buy a fleet within a few years, and have a corporate empire within a decade.
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well, I’d go with the smaller version first, and if it is successful we can just buy a bigger one later on
but for now, the small one will do imo
btw if you need a unexperienced german born sailor that has no clue what the hell he is doing i’ll volunteer hehe
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Why not just steal the ship? That would make it a pirate ship by default.
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Other churches have built their empires through tithing… maybe all of these bilge rats who claim to be Pastafarians can start ponying up the dough to get this church out to sea!
Of course we need to get the church tax shelter in place first… how’s that going?
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I’d love to sail on that trader boat. Scooter has a point, first get official status as a church, so every donated penny is going to the boat and not to the state.
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I’m no use as a sailor though, i don’t get seasick but I am afraid of heights (so no climbing for me) So I’ll just wench the bar with Booty.
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I like both boats, but I think the trader may be a better first option. We should find out how many people those things can hold.
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Also, I volunteer to help sail whatever boat we end up with. I sort of know what I’m doing…
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Wow Jingles!! I thought you were doing something strange at uni I can’t even begin to understand, not business studies! ;)
Good ideas though – As long as you buy a quayside pub for me and RDPK to run for after pillaging refreshments.
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This is a great start, we should get it for now!
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I kinda know what I’m doing. I’m definitely not being the cabin-boy or whatever you call it.
I’ll man the whell, I always was a good helmsman!
The only experience I have is with sunfish and a 22 footer, these are probably a lot different, oh well.
RAmen
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I like the tradeship… it looks very piratey. The only boats I am really familiar with have motors… I’ve not really sailed before. But I have some weird extended family out in Toronto that run a sailing business. Not totally sure how it works, but they make the ship (or possibly just fix it up, not sure) and then sail it to it’s destination. Last summer my Dad went out there, and they took a boat from Ontario down to North Carolina, where they buyer was… and he learnt how to sail and everything. So, if we are short on crew members, I could always go and learn from Nan. (I think that’s her name… never met her myself.)
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Aaaarrrr, ye swarthy landlubbers!
Sorry, just had to let that out. When I first saw the boat proposal last year, I thought you were off your trolley (to use an NHS term). But then most of us thought the same thing when we saw your open letter..and that kind of worked.
If this isn’t going to be seen simply as “Bobby’s crafty plan to get his own yacht”, you’ll need to keep the focus on FSM-ism. Or against ID. Whatever.
So how about using the boat for “educational” cruises? Sail into port, raid the local taverns for grog, pick up a few wenches and make the locals walk the plank while you take their booty? That’ll teach them the virtues of keeping a lookout. And, erm, make them think about pirates and that.
And it’s self-financing.
May His Noodliness go with you always.
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Oh and btw:
My vote’s for the baltic trader, hell of a nice ship.
RAmen
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The baltic trader is the better option, mainly for hold space and accomodation. plus the ability to hold better parties (sermons) however there are some considerations you need to remember:
it needs more crew with experience
takes a LOT of looking after
berths can be expensive and larger berths = more expensive
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If we’re looking for crew can i submit a CV? I really can navigate!
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I think that jingles had a very good point there, that model could be used to provide the funds for the ship and its crew (lets face it the crew no matter how piratey needs to eat) Plus what about insurance? if a crew member who doesnt know what theyre doing crews up the boat or it sinks or whatever serious $$$ might be needed to fix it. Plus insurance helps alot if your going to be trading or anything like that, it gives you sort of a businessy apperance not a we’re-just-random-guys-doing-this-for-fun look. If youre going to be trading in tropical islands lool out for real modern day pirates too, we should carry a supply of arms with at least one person qualified to teach how to properly aim them, shoot the, safety etc, i would qualify for that and navigation :)
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Excuse ME Mr Farty – but I am my *own* Booty, thank you very much!
Leave me out of it! ;)
Besides, I am going to be busy drinking, I mean, running the bar. :D
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@ Nav Spider
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“If we’re looking for crew can i submit a CV? I really can navigate!”
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Glad you can. I couldn’t find my arse with both hands! :) Still have to go “Never Eat Shreaded Wheat” to remember the compass!
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To Booty… LOL, ROTF!!!!!!!!!
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WARNING: MEDIUM-LONG POST
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Regarding the pirate ship, I can’t really give any intelligent advice about what to do — sorry, I don’t know anything about boats! But so far I like Scooter’s idea about the FSM becoming an official church, because that has all kinds of tax/financial benefits.
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I don’t think that most people on this site have $1000 (or even close to that) to spare for a donation to the ship. Not that they wouldn’t gladly do it if they could! So large donations probably wouldn’t work. Small ones would, I believe, but the money wouldn’t accumulate fast enough.
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What I *do* know for sure is that many of us Pastafarians (or should that be *we* Pastafarians?) would be willing to donate time to do marketing, public appearances, etc. If that helps in any way, I’m sure you’ve got ample manpower (and wench-power) there.
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Buying a smaller pirate ship to start might be an idea because we could get attention with that and do real missionary excursions, media spots, etc. Perhaps those events might lead to more, which means more money, which means a bigger boat… you get the idea.
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Personally, I will volunteer to do whatever. I’ve already been unofficially dubbed “the ship’s cook” but would rather do that PLUS some more hands-on work in sailing the ship. I have a couple contacts here and there in various ports. I really, really, REALLY like the idea of getting a pirate ship and will help in any way I can.
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RAmen to everyone and Happy St. Pat’s Day (which is actually an FSM holiday)!!
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Does any of ye even know ta sail?
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To Booty… almost forgot, there are some good medications which help with seasickness. I have personal experience with them; I once had a wonderfully embarrassing incident of throwing up over the side of a whale-watching tour boat (go ahead, laugh, everyone!). Once I found about various over-the-counter (and prescription) meds that help, I never had another problem on a boat again. Miraculously (and praise the FSM for this) my seasickness disappeared eventually and now I’m fine with no meds!
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I guess basically what I’m saying is I WANT YOU TO BE ON THE BOAT!! Not waiting onshore! :) The more wenches, the better :)))
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To Buccaneer Jerda… yes, there are a handful of people here who really do sail, so this is a serious discussion. I personally don’t but really would like to learn!
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I was being serious.. I would gladly give up my life and go sail for the rest of it.
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Sorry, I knew you were serious, Buccaneer… I was just trying to say that we weren’t kidding around when speaking of sailing (you know how much joking goes on on this site :) and this was actually for real. If you would really be a full-time sailor then I salute you, fellow pirate! RAmen!
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Why don’t we have a chat room or an IRC or vent server or something like that?
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One question… have any of you ever seen the movie or read the book “Survive the Savage Sea?” I love boating, and I love the ocean, but I have a deep fear of sharks. Really, really bad phobia. When I was in North Carolina, my boyfriend took me to the Ripley’s Aquarium at Myrtle Beach. There’s this one part where you walk through this sort of glass, underwater tunnel… and when I saw a shark swimming above me I panicked, ran through the tunnel crying like an idiot, and Jirka finally found me like an hour later outside on a bench crying. Then I saw Survive the Savage Sea, a true story… and I have to admit… sailboats scare me just a wee bit. So, can we have some really sturdy life rafts, with enough food on them for at least a month? Please? OR can someone just hold me… ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
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Ive been snorkeling in the Caribbean with sharks and there not that scary… Why are you so afraid?
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@Buccaneer
Honestly, because I am a wimp. Seriously. I have no reason. I have the same fear of spiders, but I have a reason for that, and spiders are something I encounter in my everyday life. I live nowhere near any kind of ocean, yet somehow, this fear has just been a part of life. I read a book about shark attacks when I was in Grade 4. Literally, since that time, the thought of them has terrified me. I know it’s silly… but that’s why it’s a phobia. It is an unreasoning, unreasonable fear. *shrug… it’s not like a fear of spiders where you can get therapy and learn to let them crawl on you without going mental. I can’t really go pet a shark until I get over my fear. Maybe Booty and I can drink on land together…
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Don’t worry, Batman, by the time this whole thing gets off the ground you’ll be swimming with the sharks as your best buddies! They’re really amazing creatures. But of course we will have life rafts and etc. too :)
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@Wench Beth
You’re scaring me. =) Best buddies… eesh… do you have any big hairy spiders I could snuggle up to at night as well? Bleagh…
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I won’t swim with them. Ever. But as long the alcohol flows freely I will probably be able to function around them. That’s the best I can do.
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Will Captain Bobby Henderson be leading us?
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Batman, lots of us have a fear of something and can’t really explain why.. I’m really scared of heights (or dephts) myself. Not too fond of spiders either :)
But you’d be welcome manning the bar with Booty and me ;) Now that would make a great bar with three great wenches running it!
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@Batman RE: Shark Infestation
That’s what the harpoon gun is for. Or cannons, if you just want to see the shark turn into chunky red seawater.
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Count me out for serving drinks. I’ve already decided to support the other side of the bar ;)
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Cop out and hire one.
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@RDPK
We’d have to find some really good wench outfits, so we can match with Booty. I bet the tips would be through the roof!! Wheee!! (There’s no rules against us sampling the liquor, though, right?)
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Arthur, go with the canons. I don’t want to catch them… that would just bring it in closer to boat. Just blow them out of the water.
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I think maybe it is the eyes that scare me. Like little black buttons, you can never tell what they’re really looking at. It might SEEM like they don’t see you, but they might very well be eyeing you up as a tasty snack. Scary… same with spiders. EIGHT EYES???? Why do they need so many eyes?? It’s so they can keep an eye on us… and the eight legs are so they can run really fast and hide in our shoes when we’re not looking.
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I’m creeping myself out here.
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Hey Nikkiee – we’ll be doing an awful lot of product testing – after all, can’t be serving substandard beer to our pirates can we?
Batman – you are more than welcome – I don’t like yukky sea creatures either! – Especially jelly fish! *a screaming Booty runs for the hills*
We are going to have the best bar EVAR – believe me, the pirates will soon be having too much fun with us to be messng about in boats!
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@Booty
I am seriously wanting to go out somewhere dressed like a pirate right now. Wish I had some pirate-minded friends here to go bar hopping with. Oh well.
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@ everyone – some really good discussion here. Jingles has some great ideas about the business side of it. And I agree that FSM should be officially recognized as a church (no joke here). I too don’t have the $1,000 to donate – I wish I did but am still trying to get my business running in the black.
I have never sailed, but it sounds like fun! I can cook, and make some yummy drinks and cocktails, although if all the wenches decide to bartend we may not have a crew! Of course for many of us drinking is already a skill we have (no offense to those Pastafarians that I know choose not to drink). I’m up for a really good wench outfit! :)
@ Batman – I’ve always had a fascination with sharks – I’m strange! At one point I wanted to be a marine biologist so I could study them. I do have a weird thing about spiders though. I can’t stand them. And living in Oklahoma we get more than our fair share (I get bitten about once a year – one was a good one that left a BIG red area on my thigh that was spongy – not fun!)
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Hi Rowdy!
Sherlock says you should move to Florida and work for Seaworld! (He loves Sharks too and would happily go swimming with them – weird fella! ;) )
You get BITTEN once a year?????
Bloody hell! I have never been bitten and they are all the size of teeny weeny things that are very small, but I still hyperventilate whenever they are around! – Sherlock is great and tells me to look the other way while he gets rid of them for me!
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@ Batman – Yes, get a wench outfit too! They re loads of fun – and I think we should dress up for the bar – it is an absolute bugger being so far away from everyone :(
But I am sure the FSM will look after us and get us all together when he is ready (If he isn’t too pissed) ;)
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I don’t believe your so called church has made any money at all. Yacht?! Maybe you could afford a dingy.
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@ Booty – Hi! I am getting tired of posts that won’t go! I typed up a good one and it didn’t post… :( Sorry, I don’t have time to do it again right now. I need to be off and get some things done around the house.
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@Skeptic
Are you just a little ray of sunshine?? Are you feeling kind of down as well? Or are you just being mean for fun?
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Rowdy Wench Mar 17th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
“Jingles has some great ideas about the business side of it.”
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In complete agreement with you there Rowdy.
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Go Jingles! :)
RAmen
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@Batman Mar 17th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
“it’s not like a fear of spiders where you can get therapy and learn to let them crawl on you without going mental.”
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Oh poor Spider :( I’m sure he is nowhere near as bad as you make out Batman ;)
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@Wench Nikkiee
*snicker… probably not. Mayhaps it’s time for some “therapy”… Are you in, Spider? (kidding, please don’t get mad)
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I got bitten by a really big spider I got out a bath once. It didn’t draw blood or anything, I think it only did it to keep a grip on my hand as it was loosing it’s grip.
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I was going to by one of these, http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/toys-games/remote-control/rc-pirate-ship/index.html#top
but then I went and donated the money to the James Randi Educational Foundation.
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Ahhh well.
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