Yeah, I know it’s satire. I’m an atheist, and I hate stupid, narrow-minded fundies as much as anyone. But honestly, this joke has run its course. People’s lives can actually get ripped apart by Pastafarianism, though I know you don’t really believe it. Not as many as by organized religion, but organized religion can’t really be stopped except by massive revolution, whereas Pastafarianism can be. It was funny for a while, but you don’t seem to realize (actually, some of you probably do) that no one cares anymore, that all the hate mail is faked. Stop laughing at the rest of the world, and realize that you’re not better than the people who post your hatemail; it’s a /joke/. And your religion has lost its humor. So shut up when talking to people you think are stupid. That was the /real /meaning of the “atheists are so arrogant” post. He was pointing out that /you/ were so arrogant in believing that there were really that many stupid people in the world. Some of you, I am now sure, know that all this hatemail is faked. Tell the others, and get everyone to stop acting such a fool.
RAmen,
bbctol
:) Glad you liked it Jingles!
@ DPG – it is more an accessory than an alternative, if you get my drift – we use it together to enhance the experience! I am just very greedy ;)
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@Thumper
You’re probably right on both cases. Another IP address from a different computer would probably do, but if you keep switching computers they’ll probably just ban any IP with the starting digits of your company.
And they probably will remove anything ‘objectionable’ again.
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@Alchemist
Check it out, some “Nashdude” has made his appearance, and since he’s a Senior Member, he couldn’t be one of us…
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@Booty
ha ha ha ha ha ha… my child, if you are feeling the temtptation to “masterbate” you must fight it… or give up entirely and just start buying batteries in bulk. =P
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Does anyone besides me see the message on the board from Cialis?
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@Jean Bart
Sounds like Nashdude suffers from osteopornosis, the degenerate disease of the ’80s
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@ Batman – I have an “arrangement” with Duracell ;) Might I recommend them for your utility belt – they truly have the best staying power ;)
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@Batman Feb 26th, 2007 at 6:13 am “Sounds like Nashdude suffers from osteopornosis, the degenerate disease of the ’80s”
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“OsteoporNosis”, waaaah, I’ve got to remember that. Take care, lassie, as long as the Pirates’ Excursion lasts, I’ll also copy the comments over here! Didn’t see much of you in the Disciples’ group, have you registered yet? Do it, it’s a fun bunch!
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By the way, congratulations for your toying with Shakespeare’s tongue (hahaha, Marc should give that a go to, next episode). But I had the impression you were tiring: due to the contact of all those beloved Xtians (whose spelling isn’t great either, so it’s not only in the hatemail…) your English appeared a bit more streamlined towards the end. Don’t give up, I’ve seen fine examples of ripping English apart: they could be useful in language classes. Or maybe not, the contents might not fit too well!
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Just want a little input, but what would the general reaction be to a piraticized/pastafaricized version of E.A. Poe’s “The Raven”?
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@Gnocci Man Feb 26th, 2007 at 8:14 am “Just want a little input, but what would the general reaction be to a piraticized/pastafaricized version of E.A. Poe’s “The Ravenâ€?”
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Oops! One for the literates! I’m outtahere, I’ve got some teaching to do. I’ll catch up later…
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@Gnocci Man Feb 26th, 2007 at 8:14 am
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Last second edit: that would be a nice one for the literature threads on the forum. Just a hint…
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See you!
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Hey, watch it! Some of my best dates are porn stars.
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@Jean Bart
Thanks for the compliments! So nice of you… I had to get out of that forum. It was at the point where I had to go back through all my responses and make special efforts to delete the big words and mispell the small ones. It’s really hard to play a character who is a)younger than you, b)dumber than a pile of rocks, and c)actually religious. I thought DanielJ was excellent, and Marc almost made me pee my pants, especially the “Beckie, my child…” bit.
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@Booty
Hmmmm… I’ll have to look into attaching a special battery pack compartment onto my belt… Costco over here is the best for that. Last time I was there I did have to buy batteries (for my flashlight in case of power outage due to snow, I swear) and the smallest they sold was a package of 36.
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@Marc
Pornoe is evil but the porn artists can still be saved.
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@Jean Bart
perhaps so, though I don’t think that my works generally appeal to those of higher learning (the usual arrogant egotists among them, anyway).
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That is, the ones who sniff a lot and act like language is some sort of holy imperative which MUST NOT BE USED BY ANYONE WHO IS WITHOUT CORRECT PUNCTUATION!
you know what I mean.
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Here, I wrote this a couple weeks ago in my spare time, but only just posted it on the “@$#% you!!!!!!” thread. It goes down much more easily than classic literature, though it may foam at times.
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A sort of partial shanty from your friendly neighborhood Gnocci Man! (finally back from my extended vacation in the land of the flying peachy crumpets, though still mildly perplexed)
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The tune is up to you, and going without one is fine. If you really want a tune and don’t like using your imagination, then get someone else to think it up for you, and don’t bother me about it. ;)
Words in quotation (in the early stanzas) are slightly more stressed.
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The Hate-Mail Song
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//begin
Chorus:
We all know what it’s like to have to talk to brainless trolls,
We all know ‘bout debating those whose humor sense is cold,
We all know that replying to a caps-lock obsessed twit
Will only get them coming back in curse-laced screaming fits!
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Leader:
Look upon this hate-mail and discuss its meaning well,
What “faggot†are they talking of, we’re going to which “hellâ€,
If we accept their “savior†then which “sins†will be “absolved?â€
And all these words are yelled at us because we said “evolvedâ€
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Chorus
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Leader:
Divisions of the hate-mail trolls are often plain to see,
Some will try to “save your soul,†and others claim to be
Coming after us with guns while swearing in a rage,
But we suspect their intellect has much to do with age.
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Chorus
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Leader:
Sometimes we catch an ID slave and watch with great disdain,
As they try to support their claims with quasi-science and
An utter lack of anything that passes for a fact,
No evidence or common sense, yet they keep coming back.
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Chorus
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Leader: (softer this time)
Someday we will be free of those who will not use their brains,
Someday we’ll see the end of those who cause us so much pain,
Great science and the Noodly One to lead us to our goal,
And dedicated posters who will fight the evil trolls!
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Chorus (softer and softer, last line repeats until fade out)
//end
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Personally, I wish that we had some more non-mimic trolls, they were so much more wonderfully illogical. But hey… you get your ranting bigotry where you can find it.
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YES!!! I GOT POST #666! WOOHOO!
Okay, I’ll stop posting now. I have around 4 in a row, and that is generally more than a little irritating.
RAmen
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@Anyone who followed last night’s Xtian roast
Oh dear… Marc, they are mad at you now. AND Jon Mills has accused me (Beckie) of being sexually weak… if you have the time, this would be the absoluely perfect time for you to mention something about how your ministry has cast demons out of people before through faith healing and the laying on of hands.
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I’ve got Jon hopping mad now! Hehehe. What a righteous asshole this guy is.
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Aww, hell. The asshole banned me.
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@Marc McOar
HA HA HA HA HAH A… Wow, he got really irked. Now that you’re banned, I guess poor Beckie isn’t going to have anyone to play with. =( It’s nice that he is so concerned about her though… she clearly is a huge loser with no friends, and her uncle sounded a bit pervy. Little backwoods tramps Beckie…
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@Marc McOar
HA HA HA HA HAH A… Wow, he got really irked. Now that you’re banned, I guess poor Beckie isn’t going to have anyone to play with. =( It’s nice that he is so concerned about her though… she clearly is a huge loser with no friends, and her uncle sounded a bit pervy. Little backwoods tramp Beckie…
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that place is funny, I’m now making a new identity. Look out for me.
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I think that Beckie should tearfully disclosed that the uncle touched her last night. She was masturbating with a lipstick tube and that he walked in on her.
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hahaha! That reminds me of something, I might bring it up later.
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@Marc McOar
A LIPSTICK TUBE??? Beckie is clearly kind of dumb, but even she is aware of the dangers when using such an inadequately sized… um… well, I’m sure she’s heard the urban myth about things getting… um… stuck. Maybe she could get busted with a frozen hot dog?
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On a serious note, I don’t know if any of you have read about this yet, but thought I would put it here just in case.
http://www.ajc.com/blogs/content/shared-blogs/ajc/georgia/entries/2007/02/15/antievolution_m.html
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He banned me but I was back in in about 60 seconds. Now what should my next character be like?
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“Daniel, when you are preying for geydance” lol!!!
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really preachy.
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@Marc McOar
You could start a thread about homosexuality. There’s one from a while back, and the preacher “daughter” starting talking about demonic possession… that was weird.
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I’m reading that now. It’s bad.
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@Beastly Rich
Do you mean you’re reading the link I put here, or the demonic possession thread? Isn’t it scary that they tell people about that? I honestly was feeling kind of bad about teasing the good little Xians, but it was after I read the demon thread that I joined in as Beckie. Telling people they have demons in them is seriously sick and wrong.
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OOOOOH… Maybe Beckie could try hitting on daughter?
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@ThePirateTrolls
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Reminded me of a story told by a UK comedian. About the comedians old school friend. He was lying on his bed, eyes shut, headphones on and masturbating like a monkey for ages.
When he’d finished he open his eyes and saw a cup of cold tea on the bedside cabinet. Apparently his mum had been in, thought better than to disturb him and left the tea for him!
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I think you’d be in therapy for years after that :)
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I just read this on the Men’s Only Forum:
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Ive got a vision that Ive been desperatly trying to get out there about coffee.
Coffee if you dont already know is the worlds second most popular beverage next to water. The Bible is the worlds most popular book. Im on a mission to combine the 2 in my town. Coffee brings people together, it is the social drink. What do you do in a coffee shop? You socialize and drink coffee. Why not socialize about God? There are already christian coffee shops I know but Im taking it to a whole new level. I see potential for international mission work. Coffee is mainly grown in most third world countries, the countries that need God the most. Coffee brings people together from all walks of life in a coffee shop, I want to take advantage of that. Coffee supplies millions worldwide with jobs, I want to take advantage of that. We can as Christians share and spread so much of the word of God through a simple cup of coffee. This vision has been put before me by God, I cant shake it. This is to be my lifes work. I want to dedicate every breath and every day of my life to the spreading of Gods Word through the simple yet potentially powerfull cup of coffee. Help me, support me, give me your ideas.
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Please tell me this was written by one of this? Who actually does this?
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@Alchemist
EEsh! Dreadful story, if it were to happen. My mom was putting away my laundry once back in the day… and she found my…um… Booty has them too!!… and moved them to a different drawer in my dresser. I can only assume I was hiding it wrong… I couldn’t look at her for about a week.
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Ever heard of danger wanking?
Its where you go into the toilet at your parents place. Drop trow, leave the door unlocked and shout MUM. You then have to toss one off before your mother enters the loo.
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Yay! I am not the only depraved one!
Oh dear! I live in fear of the boys finding them and playing magic wands or something!!
We have our in-laws staying here a lot at the moment (long story!) and I made Sherlock go out and listen outside the door to make sure he couldn’t hear it! Trouble is, it is not the buzzing that makes all the noise!!
I cannot wait until they get their house sorted!!
@ Beastly – danger wanking! Why in FSMs name would you want to do that??? Wouldn’t the mere fact of calling out “Mum!” completely ruin the “moment”? LOL!
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@Anyone
Ok, I am starting to feel kind of bad for playing with the “inncocent” Christians. Plus, in all seriousness, those people scare me just a little bit. I have been reading some of their threads, and they are not “normal” people. They have a thread that is apparently all about listing their top 5 favorite foods, and right after that they have a talk all about how Satan is in control of the world and our world leaders and on and on and on. Is there anyway these nutballs could find out who we are? I do not want to be on the receiving end of a hellfire sermon. They have this to say about Satanism in the world today;
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Great Britain is the mother country of Satanism. Scotland has long been an occult center. The national symbol of Scotland is the dragon (the snake), and for years the chief of Scotland was called the dragon. The Gaelic language is an important language for Satanism, although English and French are also use extensively by the Illuminati. The planning sessions for world takeover that some ex-Satanists experienced were held in French.
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Do you all notice that pretty much everyone who isn’t them is considered evil? I don’t know why I’m surprised by this, but I am… I didn’t realize how many people there were who took the bible absolutely literally. I have never in my life known anyone who believed Demons and Satan actually exist. I’m kind of nervous.
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@Booty
Don’t think of it as depraved, think of it as being rapturally enlightened. Contrary to what those scary people think (see above), even supposing I believed in God, why would he give us this “skill” (yes, it is a skill), and make the sexual act the sole means of continuing the species if it was evil?
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Logically, sex is a neccessity from a procreation standpoint. If God hates the idea of flesh meeting flesh so much, there are many other ways he could have devised to make us “fruitful”… not that I can read the minds of bugs or anything, but house flies, when they mate, always look like it is a struggle and I don’t think they find it enjoyable. Humans do. Mostly. As long it is consensual (ha) I honestly don’t see why they have such a proplem with it. Unless there is a study done somewhere citing the benefits of keeping your cult’s flock in a state of perpetual frustration-guilt-self-flagellation (Ha again)… I don’t know.
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Oh don’t worry Batman – that was very much tongue in cheek – even back when I was religious I thought all the Roman Catholic stuff about sex and masturbation being a sin was just plain silly – that and the fact they are all such hypocrits! (funny how most RC families now only have the average 2.4 children, isn’t it? Amazing how that “coitus interuptus” thing is finally working! – Nothing to do with the fact they are all on the pill “for health reasons” at all, honest Father!)
I would think if you looked at us down a microscope it might look as if we were struggling as well LOL!
Yes, stay away from the scary Xians – it might be catching!
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Batman if you can’t understand why the most important act of our species is a sin, you need read Oolon Colluphids block busting trilogy.
‘
I’ve misplaced my boxed set or I’d lend it to you…
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God made a shed load of mistakes. That’s why he can’t be the goody two shoes xian deity. He’s a bit stupid basically.
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Hello,
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I’m back at work, reading all the posts (miss one day, and you’ll have 200 posts to read). I’m doing fine, Batgirl. Thank you for concern(?).
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You are all too funny. I mean, danger wanking? That has to be the funniest thing I have heard in a while. As to why God gave us the talent to masturbate; it is a test (duh…I mean, C’MON!), you must reject those temptations from the devil (He loves masturbation?).
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-Veritas
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@persuitofgod impersonators
I am the only one who can’t see past page 7 on that blog? There is a page 8, maybe even more, but the last post I can see is ome Spanish bloke. With an interesting spelling disorder. Come on you jokers, who got kicked out this time and had to take a new id?
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@All Wenches & Pirates
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Watch out for dudes with a latin accent, they can have strange ideas!
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“Where God went wrong”
“Some more of God’s greatest mistakes”
And “Who is this God person anyway?”
Yay! Go Douglas! (supping by the beer volcano as we speak!)
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@DutchPastaGuy Feb 26th, 2007 at 1:34 pm “I am the only one who can’t see past page 7 on that blog? There is a page 8, maybe even more, but the last post I can see is ome Spanish bloke.”
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I can’t get page 8 either. Should I make JuanB somewhat more literate?
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@All Pirates
They have been deleting some posts or what? My #77 is now their #63, and I don’t find Marcs post they quote from…
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Jean Bart
Perhaps they are worried that lil’ Beckie may press charges if Marc takes advantage of her sexual weakness, so they are erasing all traces of him?
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@Veritas
Hi! Good to see you back!
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@Booty
ha ha ha ha ha… you’re the best, Booty. Always the voice of common sense.
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I can’t get to page 8 either! Why? Why have it if it isn’t meant to be read?
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I just saw a news story on yahoo about Indonesian engineers who have dropped large concrete balls into a volcano in Sidoarjo East Java province to stop it from oozing hot mud. Don’t you see ??? It has to be a sign from FSM. Now we can all believe again. May the FSM be with you.
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