Seriously think about this logically. How can a flying spaghetti “whatever†live or make something? If we are made in Gods image, I’m not spaghetti am I? you have probably ruined millions of people’s lives. Y is there pirates in ur religion? I am trying 2 act like u don’t have mental disabilities, but it’s very hard. This is blasphemy and u will probably burn in hell for the next eternity for ruining the lives of millions of people. I don’t know ne1 who “believes†in ur load of #$^@!like the words of others GET SOME HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-greg
I do think logically, the only possible explination is that the FSM created the universe. When you are going to try and insult people, please learn to spell correctly.
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Greg, you get the point exactly…religeon has ruined MANY lives. Your only hope, and the hope of us all, is to renounce ALL religeon. There is NO GOD. Good for you! You renounce the FSM, now, go ONE GOD FURTJHER, and renounce your own! Congratulations on your inspiring words! You are one step closer to your own salvation, and have no doubt brought forth the light of atheistic redemption to others! Rock on!
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Greg, because I think logically I joined this church. It’s really the only logical thing to do.
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“How can a flying spaghetti “whatever†live or make something?”
How can a big, narcissistic, egotistical “whatever” in white robes with a beard live or make something?
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“If we are made in Gods image, I’m not spaghetti am I?”
We have said countless times that we’re not made in our gods image; it’s too perfect a form. If you would do about three minutes of research you would know that. But even so, what about bacteria? Does your tainted mind see no resemblance there to our Noodly SAvior? We are, however, designed after him on a more basic level. You are made of DNA, I assume. Look at DNA sometime; it looks like long strands of ‘noodles’(DNA) wrapped around some ‘meatballs’(histones). Look at an even more basic level, to the most fundamental thing you can get to: strings/branes of Sting Theory. Just look; tiny vibrating noodles.
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“you have probably ruined millions of people’s lives.”
Spanish Inquisition, the Crusades, the Dark Ages. What about the whole murderous spree Mohammad went on at the very beginning of Islam? That’s just physical ‘ruining’. Our religion is the only one, except maybe Buhddism depending on how you look at it, that has not ever harmed one person.
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“Y is there pirates in ur religion?”
I’ll ignore the grammar and spelling and total lack of understanding of the english language for now. Why are there saints in your religion? What kind of stupid religion makes guys who use three-leafed clovers as explanations of god into their history? And those twelve disciples? Why weren’t they wearing eyepatches?
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“I am trying 2 act like u don’t have mental disabilities, but it’s very hard.”
let’s see: us, spelling and grammar; you, none. Us, coherent, loogical arguments; you none. Yes, of course it’s plausible for you to tell us we have mental disabilities for believing in na religion far more logical than yours,
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“This is blasphemy and u will probably burn in hell for the next eternity for ruining the lives of millions of people.”
Again with the secret millions of people whose lives we have ruined! You are blaspheming the Flying Spaghetti Monster and will burn in Las Vegas, er, hell for the next eternity for ruining the lives of millions of people.
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“I don’t know ne1 who “believes†in ur load of #$^@!like the words of others GET SOME HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
If no one believes in our religion, whose lives are we ruining? Who says we want people to believe us like they believe others religions? Other religions ‘have mental disabilities’.
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I have to agree, FSMism is a state which can only be arrived at by logical deduction. the path of FSM is the only true cure to all of that religious nonsense out there, which destroys so many lives. i mean, invisible man in the sky who impregnates virgins and floods the world without leaving any evidence? what kind of illogical bullshit is that?
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Greg, read books instead of frothing at the mouth quite so much. no-one claimed we’re made in his image, that would be silly. pirates are obviously his chosen since he has repaid humanities “war against pirates” with global warming, it’s all there in the graphs my friend.
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as an aside how can we burn in hell for the “next eternity”? since eternity covers all time, how can you have a “next”? this would imply a cronologically linear progression which is patently impossible when set against eternity.
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I’m alss curious how pastafarians, (a kind, all welcoming, non judgemental religion) have ruined peoples lives? as compared to ruining altar boys, homosexuals, free-thinkers, pagans, astronomers, scientists, philosophers, women, ethnic minorities, and anyone else who dared question, disagree or have the unfortunate problem of being born different to the arrogant, mysoginistic, corrupt, homophobic, xenophobic, luddite white, male, hitler youth that dominate christianity?
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or to put it in words simple enough for you to understand, and maybe use again.
Greg, ur so wrong, get f”£%”6
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@ Greg
If you happen to be a christian – please read the bible..
1 Corinthians chapter 5
“12 After all, do I have any business judging those who are outside [the Christian faith]? Isn’t it your business to judge those who are inside? 13 God will judge those who are outside. Remove that wicked man from among you.”
If your not christian – it still is some good advice. Please straighten out your own bunch before you cast any more exclamation marks after us.
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Isn’t five exclamation marks in a row meant to be a sign of a deranged mind? Hmmm… Greg has 30. Yep. Sounds about right.
Peace out! Pastafarianism is accepting of all people, we try to love everyone and part of our philosophy is that you are free to believe whatever the hell you like, just don’t shove it down anyones throats is all. We are not ruining lives. We don’t even try to come to your website and insult you.
May you be touched by his noodly appendage, Greg.
RAmen
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Greg, seriously now, you think we have mental disabilities, you’re the one who believes in a God who, at the very least, has split personality disorder, and possibly a number of other quite severe psychological disfunctions.
You can’t have it both ways. Either your god is omnipotent and omniscient and just doesn’t choose to intervene thereby purposefully making life very unpleasant for the majority of earth’s inhabitants (many of whom aren’t Christians, so won’t go to heaven either), or he can’t intervene and is therefore not all powerful, but might conform to his all-loving image.
Basically, on current evidence (if you look there’s quite a bit), you can either have an omnipotent god who is a schizophrenic, sadistic maniac, or you can have a really nice god who is about as powerful as your average cheese sandwich but is looking down on recent attrocities with great empathy and probably developing a huge complex because he can’t do anything about it. Either way, your god probably needs to “GET SOME HELP!!!!!!!!!”.
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We were made in gods image?
Really? First he looked like a hairy ape, later like a fury guy halfbend, then a less furry persone, and finally, now he looks like a normal today type of guy?
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Yes, we were made in god’s image. That’s why god is a schizophrenic hermaephrodite.
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Or, another way of looking at things; suppose the size of a population is directly proportional to that populations resemblance to god. Makes sense, yes? After all, a god would naturally favour those closer to him. By that logic, your god is Chinese.
.
I don’t know why I’m writing this, because you obviously don’t have the attention span to linger… oh well.
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@greg
We need some help? What about people who believe in an apparently infallible, all knowing, merciful and perfect DUDE who created Adam , from which HE knew before creating him, that Adam would eat from the fruits of the “evil treeâ€, which HE planted as well by HIMSELF (to be on the save side, HE even designed a snake to persuade Adam to do something bad). After having been quite angry about people for say 2000 Years (I reckon before “Jesusâ€, even good people must have been send to hell or limbo?), the beloved DUDE decided to send HIS son (or is it now HIMSELF?) down to earth where he let HIMSELF/(or his son) torture and nail to a wooden cross.
Since this extensive acupuncture, HE is “relatively†relaxed with the sins committed by Adam and sends you “only†to hell if you do not believe HIS rather adventurous, cool story.
Well if that is not convincing…..what else is…
Another question: If I was perfectly designed by an omnipotent DUDE, then I wonder why I have to wipe my arse, every time I go for a dump. I mean, the “stay clean cap†on my squeezable honey works perfect and is not exactly rocket since, is it? The same applies for my former guinea-pig (peace been upon him). His droppings where just perfect without any mess. In other words, does that mean that the DUDE spent a hell of time for perfecting the bum of guinea-pigs, and created our bum during coffee break (I thought we are the state of the art of his creation?)? Pressumably creationists do not have this problem since they release their crap via mouth by spreading and defending their fairytale.
RAmen
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Errata: I meant “rocket science” instead of “rocket since”.
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Also sinuses, the spine, just about every aspect of the human body looks like it was cobbled together on a thursday afternoon when the creator was keen to be off to the beer volcano and stripper factory. Yay! more proof of the FSM!
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Don’t forget the crossover of our aesophagus and airway. Not a brilliant design move, that…
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lisn m8! wtf ru using thez old irc words 4? u kno ppl could undrstnd u if u tlaked a bit more snsibly! & u sed sumthin they cud understnad!!
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Oh and I don’t look like an old guy with a long beard & nor do any of my friends (well I do have a friend that doesn’t shave for a year & his beard grows huge & then he shaves it off for charity, but he isn’t an old guy, so it doesn’t count, and I do have friends who are old but they don’t have long beards). I do, however, have lots of friends whose body parts, and the molecular structures that make them up, look like spaghetti & meatballs.
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And what is the ‘next eternity’? Did the last eternity finish or something?
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St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Finite Eternities
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Speaking of Hell…(which you forgot to capitalize) i wouldn’t mind going there… I’ve seen some pictures and Hell, Idaho isn’t that bad of an area. There are trees, lakes, mountains, rivers, and much more. Secondly, humans are NOT in the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s image… if we were we would be all noodly and thats His job.
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I once had a jehovahs witness say to me that when we were in the garden of eden we were perfectly designed, but since then we have slowly changed to being badly designed because we were naughty. I lost hope at that point.
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Nutshell:
I am trying 2 act like u don’t have mental disabilities, but it’s very hard.
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I lost hope when I found out that most of Christianity and Catholicism don’t practice what they preach. think about it, wouldn’t you lose hope too when you find out that they pick and choose what Commandments to follow and when? it seems to me that a lot of people don’t follow Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery. a few Popes have been killed by enraged husbands for sleeping with their wives. its sad sad world
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Do these people ever notice that every time they insult us, we can just mirror what they said and end up equally insulting them?
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No Armbyorg, they don’t, because they either don’t listen or are too thick! :)
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…or in this case, don’t stick around to hear it. bloody drive-by posters. grrr.
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“You are blaspheming the Flying Spaghetti Monster and will burn in Las Vegas”
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Err, Norway
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“You are blaspheming the Flying Spaghetti Monster and will burn in Las Vegasâ€
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Err, it should be “freeze in Norway “
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or freeze here in Michigan
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greg
Why thank you. Thank you very, very much.
Sincerely,
Iron Mike
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The ‘next eternity’? What the heck is that?
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after this eternity, apparantly.
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if burning in hell, gets me out of this cold and away from fundies, I’ll take it:P
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@$#% you!!!!!!
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Seriously think about this logically. How can an anthropomorphic deity “whatever” live or make something? If we are made in God’s image, I’m not some overly illuminated, bearded old fart sitting on a throne am I? You have DEFINITELY ruined millions of people’s lives. WHY is there SYMBOLIC CANNIBALISM in your religion? I am trying to act like you don’t have mental disabilities, but it is very hard. This is blasphemy and you will probably NOT BE ALLOWED TO GO TO FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER HEAVEN WITH A BEER VOLCANO AND A STRIPPER FACTORY for the next eternity for ruining the lives of millions of people. I don’t know anyone who “believes” in your load of #$^@! Like the words of others, GET SOME HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.
-Cap’nUberbob
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I am now a believer…I have seen the light…the FSM has to be true. Can I go to Hell now. It has got to be warmer there than it is here. (5 degrees today)
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Well, LOGICALLY, people were not created in the image of the FSM (sauce be unto Him), but the pasta He gave us to eat WAS. And I don’t see how I am going to go to your hell, since in MY religion I am going to a heaven filled with beer volcanoes and stripper factories. I can’t wait to sit myself mext to a nice pilsner volcano with a frozen mug and place an order for some Asian strippers. That’d be like, well…heaven.
RAmen
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@ jjk
I agree with you. its not much warmer here, I think its only like 8 degrees
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You said it yourself, Greg; IF you are made in God’s image. Even you don’t sound so certain. And while you may not physically resemble a bowl of noodles, your brain to seems to be about as capable of reasonable argument as a bowl of WAY over-cooked rigatoni.
Cheers, you have just given the people on this site proof of what they have long suspected; that the type of person who would unquestionably accept the theory of any religion, is probably a huge whack-a-doo with poor English skills. I think they start out that way though. I doubt it is the FSM “ruining” their lives.
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Now why would you want to go to Hell to warm when you could just accept the FSM (blessed be His meatballs) as your personal savior and warm up next to a volcano? That reminds me. How does (presumably) cold beer flow from a (presumably)hot volcano? Oh well, I guess that’s what faith is for.
RAmen
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@ Josh
believe me, I’ve accepted His Noodliness, I just want some warmth. Michigan is freakin cold. and thats a good question about the beer volcano. I have another question about it. I don’t like beer, but I love vodka and rum. would it therefore be a vodka or rum volcano for me?:P
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@ O-EJ
What are you, some kind of heathen? His Holy Noodliness has clearly intended us to partake in beer (otherwise, why would there be beer volcanoes?). On the other hand, maybe you could just order something from the bar while enjoying some strippers.
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OEJ and Josh – it has long been understood that the FSM in his wisdom knows that not everyone likes the same type of beer, strippers or noodles, so all tastes are catered for, from wheat allergies to the more traditional pirates who like their rum!
Enjoy!
RAmen!
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@ Josh
I’ve had beer, and its just not a taste I like. the only brand I’ll drink is Fosters, but thats imported and really expensive. I just prefer the taste of rum. and isn’t rum the more pirate like drink?
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Yeah! A fundie to play with…They have no idea what they set themselves up for by posting here. Greg, do you really think that insulting us, using atrocious grammar and spelling and raving like a lunatic will cause any of us to exclaim “I have seen the light!” or some such nonsense and adopt your beliefs? Who’s the one with mental disabilities?
@OEJ – I pray that His Noodlyness is kind enough to provide us with whatever volcano we prefer. I would choose vodka, rum or whisky myself. I do like beer occasionally (had some over the weekend) but it’s not my top choice.
@Josh – An interesting question. I always assumed the volcano would be at optimum beer serving temperature. Blind faith maybe?
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@Booty
Be that as it may, it still does not explain how cold beer (or any cold beverage) flows from a volcano. I don’t mean to question the authority of the scripture, and I don’t want anyone to think I don’t believe. Just a question is all.
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@RW
Yeah, somehow Jesus’ message of peace, compassion, understanding, and redemption got lost in translation. It seems so many Xians today are loud-mouth belligerent intolerant…uh…meanies (I’m at work).
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I think The FSM would probably say it seemed like a good idea at the time, but maybe you need to ask Prophet Bobby if you want a definite reply :)
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@ Josh – no, I think judging by a lot of stuff in the Bible (especially the Old Testament and Revelations, and also a few choice comments “from the horses mouth” by Jesus himself supposedly) they are spot on in being loud mouth, belligerent, intolerant meanies!
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@Booty,
Yeah, I thought of asking the Prophet himself, but then I’d really rather not get burned at the stake for questioning the Church.
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@ RW
maybe it’ll be like in the remake of Mr. Deeds. ya know how he had a drinking fountain with Hawaiian Punch? maybe we’ll all get little personal volcano’s of our favorite alcoholic drink:P
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@OEJ – I love the idea!
@Booty – I do think Jesus had a different message than the one we see today. If anyone had actually listened, we might all be better off. But, it was corrupted by power-hungry church leaders. I absolutely agree agree with your assessment of the Old Testament. I’ve been reading a project called “Blogging the Bible” on Slate.com and it’s horrifying to know what is actually in the Old Testament.
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It could be a mechanical volcano with an electric refrigerator. The beer would be chilled and pumped out.
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@Greg:
“How can a flying spaghetti ‘whatever’ live or make something?”
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. That’s what omnipotence is all about. Seriously, it isn’t a hard concept.
“I’m not spaghetti am I?”
Correct. You aren’t good enought to be spaghetti.
“next eternity”
What?! There are two? Why didn’t anyone tell me? This changes so much!
.
-Avatar of Reason
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@ RW
ya, I haven’t read the bible, but I’ve heard some of the stuff thats in the Old Testament. some scary stuff. kinda gets rid of the whole all-loving and benevolent creator image, huh?
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oh yeah, the christian god is not an all-loving sky-daddy. he is a totalitarian monster of the worst kind…so unlike our gentle and benign FSM. fear not, for like all lies and threats, Yahweh disappears when faced with the light of truth and reason.
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@RW
I always get a kick out of it when Xians tell me all I have to do is accept Jeebus. Then why did he do all that talking? Why all the speeches about loving thy neighbor, turning the other cheek, etc etc? If you actually read what he said (OK, supposedly said), he sounds like a hippie freak. The conservative fundies today are clearly not reading the bible, or at least have serious reading comprehension problems.
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You had me at @$#%………
My life is ruined. If by “ruined” you mean “normal” then my life is ruined. I would agree that I do have some mental disabilities like being completely rational about our universe and how it was created.
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@Greg
I have SEEN the light! Oh wait, it just burned out. I suppose thats what you get for using a dimwitted bulb to save you. One other thing, if you believe the whole Adam/Eve thing, then you DO realize that we are all the children of incest right? One more thing, if the bible is your Gods true word, why the rewrite? I suppose that’s all for me at this time and remember, if you’re going to come on OUR website to damn and curse us to hell, please use the correct grammar.
RAmen
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“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.”
Author: Woody Allen 1935-, American Director, Screenwriter, Actor, Comedian
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This is my first post. As one who has had his life ‘ruined’ by the Church of FSM, I thought I’d leap to Greg’s defence.
I was raised (through no fault of my own) as a Catholic. After learning to hate myself (for being gay) and others (for ) I was set out unto the world to continue the fine works of my predecessors. (see: Ordo Praedictorum, et al.)
Over the years, I caused significant damage to my fellow humans. Nothing on the scale of some of my peers (see: Council of Elvira, Pope Pius XII, et al.) but I did get to make people cry.
I even fought against pirates, for I was in the Navy.
Sadly, after a botched sucide attempt and some counseling, I was brainwashed to accept myself as is. After all, didn’t ‘He/She/It/The Big WOW’ make me the way I am. My head was filled with all sorts of crazy ideas (see: Sophie’s World) and I was confused.
That’s when the Pastafarians got a hold of me, just after you ‘Fundies’ conjoined Church and State in ‘The Land of The Free’. (I’m Canadian eh, err, Argh!)
Since then, my life has been hell. I’m nice to pretty much everyone. I try to show compassion for those I don’t understand, and those like Greg, that I understand all too well. It’s certainly not easy. I can’t believe I have to wait until the eternity after next to go to hell. I need the vacation!
You see, while Greg’s hell would be packed with lots of well-tanned homos, so would my heaven. Greg and I have a little Yin and Yang thing going on. We bring balance to the universe.
So, since I will spend the eternity after next with this guy, I ask all my Pastafarian brothers and sisters to ‘be nice’. I don’t need Greg hating on me for an entire eternity just because I look so fabulous in my Pirate Fish T-Shirt. I don’t need him making a scene when my good friend Cleopasta (from Toronto) comes by for a Joint and a Beer. See, I told you I was Canadian.
I won’t ever raise my voice to Greg, or call him names. I think he wants us to. It’s easier to hate when both sides sling the same vitriol. I’m going to be nice to Greg, even when debating ID, abortion, or the flatness of the earth. It’s my own special contribution to his personal hell.
Sincerely,
Jnocchi
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@ Jnocchi
very well said. its people like you, that accept others for who they are and try to show compassion to everyone that make this world a better place. I try to do the same, but I admit I end up doing a lot more hating than loving. you sir, are a fine example of a great Pastafarian
Ramen
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Welcome Jnocchi! Nice to meet you! Pull up a barrel and make yourself at home :)
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@Jnocchi
I understand that the stripper factories turn out male strippers too. Welcome to the ONE TRUE RELIGION.
RAmen
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http://www.weather.com/maps/news/forecastsummary/uscurrentweather_large.html?from=wxcenter_maps check that shit out. I’m in southeastern Michigan so that shit is headed up at me
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ur so not red e 2 axe ept r religion as the truth. C if i care if u donut like us.
Remaking the english language is a blast.
Cum u shud tri it!!!
U shud let us c u p.
this will never get old…
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@ biscuit
childish humor is always funny, especially toilet humor and fart jokes:P
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@biscuit
I don’t believe it. I’m sorry. Nobody could possibly spell that badly. There are 2 year olds that spell better than that. You are probably GOD unwinding from a hard day of not answering prayers.
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@everybody
This is a problem I think we might have with CoFSM.
If people came from spaghetti, then why is there still spaghetti?
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@ bill
cause His Noodliness thinks its a fun thing to make us think about that over a nice plate of spaghetti:)
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@everybody
One more thought, just thought of it because of my joke above.
You know how creationists offer the argument…
“If people came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?”
Reply
“If people came from God, why is there still a God?”
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ahoi me ‘earties, im from germany and i hope my english will be better as his one.. let me try :)
first of all i think that the pastafaris definitly have to “accept” his words. in my opinion religion was made for the people that need something in their live.. or.. cant accept their live as it is – compare with the words of paul atreides in dune – desertplanet – you know? with all that spice and the big worms. he said something in that way and it wasnt a bad definition. this guy sees that a part of his live is threatened by the fsm, thats why hes crying like a baby and makig all that stuff whith his shift- and numberkeys (%§$&%§!!) dissing the great one and insulting his very logical thinking pastafaris. dont be angry with him, hes taliking nonsense – as i said – just to rescue HIS “soul”, thats egoistic we aren’t, we dont have to, weve got a stripper-factory and a cool pirate-uniform-dressing-”rule” AND a beer volcano.
peace guys go on whith opening americas eyes, and make bush recognize global warming and democracy!
best greets josch from icy hamburg
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@ piratesparty
your english was pretty good, enough to get the point across. and welcome to the CoFSM
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@OEJ – good luck with that weather! Hope you have grog and chow laid in…
@Jnocci – Welcome! I hope you like it here. I too was raised Catholic. It’s a real challenge (to say the least) to shed the insidious traces that are left behind when we decide to recover from that particular psychopathy. I am most of the way through giving up shame, guilt, anger, fear blah blah blah. Getting rid of those has “ruined my life” by ending depression, reducing anxiety, giving me a healthy self image, ending my insistence on being destructive to me and everyone around me…I could go on but I need to get on with some housework!
@everyone – you may be interested to know that I was talking to a mentor one day that I swear to FSM I had no idea was a fundie. I was disussing a teenager I was trying to help deal with some real anger issues left over from being abused by a babysitter when she was three. The person I was talking to actually said to me “Has she accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior?” Me – silence, then – “I don’t know”. “Because if she does, the anger will just go away.” WTF? Just thought I’d share…
And now I really must do some housework! Dang it!
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@One-Eyed Jimothy – I’m in Lansing Michigan and the weather is SHIT! I hope his noodly appendage guides my ass home safe tonight…..I have a potty mouth. Arrrr
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@ RW(for when ya get back from the housework:P)
so let me get this straight, accepting Jesus gets rid of anger? bollocks, to take a term from our British friends. and yes, I do have plently of drink and food, but mostly drink. may have to open the bottle of rum I said I was saving for when the Tigers won the World Series:P
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This guy puts the fun back in fundamental.
But I’m confused.
1. How many eternities do we get? I was sorta thinking eternity was kinda, you know… self-limiting. It’s got that whole “eternal” thing goin’ for it and what-not…
2. If you stopped trying to act like we don’t have mental disabilities, and started acting like we do, would it free up enough brain cells for you to spell correctly? Because I am perfectly happy to be considered functionally retarded if it improves your writing skills.
3. If you don’t know “ne1″ (presuming this is “anyone” traveling incognito so as not to be associated with this post) who believes in our load of punctuation symbols, how are we ruining millions of lives? Wouldn’t we just be ruining our own? Is this the same kind of logic upon which your religion is based? I think I prefer beer and pasta, thanks all the same.
4. It has clearly been too, too long since I last trolled these hallowed halls, looking for giggles at the expense of organized religion and its purveyors of por… errr, of religion. I should never have been so remiss. I’ve grinned more in the last 20 minutes than I have all day.
:)
Carry on!
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@ RN
ya, drive safely. I dunno if you guys are gonna get what we are, I think you may be just north enough to not get what I’ve been being told by friends in Ohio and the news as blizzard conditions. its coming down here, but not a blizzard. of course, who knows how it will be later. be safe and warm
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id iz fun 2 sum digri tho aye due ugri thad no wun spelz thees badli ant id cood git tyrzum.
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@everybody
I decided to shorten my name for no particular reason. This works better anyway!
@greg
Hell is actually quite cold.
And thank you I’m highly logical.
RAmen
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Thanks Jimothy, I heard they practically closed down Cincinnati so I guess I don’t have much room to complain. Yo HO HO and a bottle of rum should do the trick tonight once I’m home.
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Going back to the debate of cold beer from a (hot) volcano…If the beer is at a high enough pressure, it could be cold, and still erupt out of the volcano.
Also, I’m another not-so-fond of beer pirate, so I’m all for the whiskey and vodka volcanoes. :)
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yep, rum warms ya all the way down:)
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I would like a rum volcano please. It’s our heaven, we can have what we want right?
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thats what I’m hoping, cause I want a rumcano too:P
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@ Bill
Looking at the rise in global population, we seem to have no problem making more people…
Did we literally come from Spaghetti, or did FSM just explain it this way as a parable, fable or just a good old fashioned yarn so that we simple folk could understand the magic of DNA?
I don’t want to delve too much into dogma, interpretations, literal vs. figurative and what type of beer flows from the heavenly volcanoes. Other religions have gone down that road with either amusing or horrific consequence, usually the latter.
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@Jnocchi
Saying that we evolved directly from spaghetti, a traditional religious meal of Pirates ca. the good ol’ days, as well as the composition of our Noodly deity, is naiive.
We are made of tiny noodles, maybe not spaghetti noodles, maybe elbow macaroni!
And we evolved from Pirates, which is why we eat spaghetti.
RAmen
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!?!
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@Ships Cat
If you’re going to make a post, make it so we can all understand what you’re saying.
RAmen
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“This is blasphemy and u will probably burn in hell for the next eternity for ruining the lives of millions of people.”
isn’t an eternity forever? if so what happens after this eternity oh what there is only one so i guess it wont be so bad if there were two or three now that would suck and that would ruin my life
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@Pixel
Meow!
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@rexxxlo
“u will probably burn in hell for the next eternity”…but surely for this to happen we’d have to wait until the end of the first eternity…I’ll risk that…meow!
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@Physics Wench
I don’t know how you expect me to take solace in such a faith-less explanation. While I don’t enjoy drinking beer when it’s warm, I’m quite sure I don’t like drinking it at “high enough pressure” either. BTW, what kind of pressure are we talking about here?
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@ Josh
prolly enough to knock your head off your shoulders coming out of a fire house
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*fore hose
been messing up my typing all day
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@Ships Cat
Don’t get me wrong, I like cats, but you make no sense at all.
What does this mean?
?!?
You put those at the end of sentences!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like that :)
No hard feelings, I just don’t like being confused, it hurts the ol’ brain!
RAmen
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*fire hose
thats it, I quit, I give, I’ma go cry in the corner:P
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@OEJ – back briefly. Did as much work as I could stand! And now I’m off for my martial arts class. Got my green belt 2 weeks ago (Karate); I can’t help but think fighting is a good skill for a pirate wench!
“Bollocks” is an excellent way to put that (I lived in England for 7 years; been back here for 20 years but still surprise people with English phrases!). As tolerant as I try to be, my relationship with that person did change after that. And I’ve been helping the teenager with her anger by teaching her that she is smart, funny and worthwhile. We still have a ways to go…that stuff doesn’t unwind quickly. This I know from my own head…
I LOVE “rumcano”! For those pirates like us that like rum, try cocount rum and pineapple juice. Measures vary depending on the person but yummy no matter what.
@RN – drive carefully!
@everyone – I’m out for today. Gotta do my best to keep the obsessive personality in check! I used to be addicted to “Heroes of Might and Magic” and I figure this has to be healthier than that was!
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@One Eyed Jimothy
It’s okay, we all suck at something!
Just so happens you suck at something practical that we use for eveyday purposes!
I’m an A+ student in Comp Keyboarding!
RAmen
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What I find sad is all the hate and anger these fundies have, what gives with that. As I thought xtianity was supposed to be about peace and love, well thats what many of them claim anyway. Perhaps they need more pasta with lots and lots of sauce and to be wrapped in his noodly appendages.
But I do like to see all the new coverts whenever I pop in, like Jnocchi and piratesparty whenever I visit, welcome.
RAmen
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@ RW
have fun, and I may try that concoction
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@ Pixel
My Question was rhetorical, but I appreciate your interpretation.
@everyone
Best wishes to all those getting stormed in. Not to perpetuate stereotypes about Canada, but it is presently -24°C (-32 with Wind Chill) and I’m about to walk home.
The good news (for me) is that when I get home I will have a big steamy dish of Pasta e Fagioli to warm me up. Perhaps a Dark & Dirty as well – 3 fingers Dark Rum, 1 finger Coke, slice of lime optional.
Fights the chills and the scurvy at the same time!
Jnocchi
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@Pixel
“Don’t get me wrong, I like cats, but you make no sense at all.
What does this mean?
?!?”
Confused, excited and then confused again – it’s a cat thing.
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@ Pixel
normally I’m fine or I catch it before I post. just been off today
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Found a site http://www.piratesofthecarobbean.com about a veg pirate group for any veg pastafarians out there. So hopefully these veg pirates will help stop global warming.
P.S.
I know this has nothing to do with the greg fellow above, but this was the most recent thread, and there didn’t seem to be any logical place to post this.
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@Ships Cat
Well then, good show! Carry on laddie!
@One Eyed Jimothy
I’m suuuuure you are.
Just positive.
RAmen
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@ Pixel
I is! I swears it 2 b tru!
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There seems to be very little consensus on what kind of alcohol the volcanoes should be spewing forth, despite the gospel clearly saying beer. Perhaps we should just rewrite them as “ethyl alcohol beverage of your choice volcanoes”. Can we at least agree the factories churn out strippers?
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@ Josh
yes, we can agree on that. they churn out strippers of every variety, women, men, midgets, flatchested, big breasted, every kind ya can think of
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@One-Eyed Jimothy
What about nice pussy?
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@ Cat
………must…..resist…..dirty…jokes…:P
I’m sure they do:P
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I am sure right behind the beer volcano is a wine bar. That is to the left of the rum arena and across from the whiskey a-go-go. Yes, my fellow Pastafarians, there will be spirits for everyone. Even a soft drink and juice pavilion! Just have faith.
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@ Marc
OH THANK THE FSM FOR CLEARING THAT UP! oopsie, got a wittle bit excited. I’m a bit of a rum fanatic:P
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@Marc McOar
What about milk based cocktails?
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@Jimothy
By the FSM, you truly are blessed. He has returned your typing skills!
.
Oh, and I’m re-reading the Gospel(again), wanna keep myself versed!
RAmen
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@ Pixel
isn’t it wonderful?:P
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@ Cat
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070213/od_nm/milk_beer_dc_1
there ya go kitty cat.
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@ O-EJ
An infinite being creating infinite varieties of strippers. His Holy Noodliness has surely provided for His pirates.
RAmen
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@One-Eyed Jimothy
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
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@ Josh
yep, His Noodliness is awesome
@ Cat
I figured you’d like that
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I’ve been thinking about the cold beer/hot volcano thing again. Since the FSM is all-powerful, He could easily change all our palletes so that we like warm beer. For that matter, He could create volcanoes that spew any kind of foul liquid (say, ammonia or Zima) and change our palettes so that we like it. What the FSM provides in heaven is really entirely arbitrary. And if it’s all arbitrary, what does that say about the moral code He provides us, since He can designate anything He wants as good and anything as bad? Oh, man, I think I may have a religious crisis! Not again!
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@ Josh
quick! go get drunk! you’ll be fine once your sloshed!
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Don’t worry. I know logic and questioning are just obstacles to faith. Plus a quick jab of a screwdriver to the frontal lobe will help prevent me from thinking too much. I must admit I briefly considered converting to the IPU, but I can’t bring myself to worshiping anything pink, no matter how many questions I have about beer volcanoes. I guess the pesto just looks greener on the other side.
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@One-Eyed Jimothy
I noticed somwhere up there that you like Foster’s. It may interest you to learn that pretty much NOBODY drinks it in Australa cos it tastes like catspiss & heaps of much better brands exist. Try Cooper’s if you want something tasty. With a counter lunch in every glass, you can tell the difference between it & those lagers that mislabel themselves as ‘ales’.
.
Just thought I’d let you know
.
St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Real Ale
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@ St. John
thanks for the info, maybe I’ll try it out
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Greg is obviously a member of the losing side of the Kansas Board of Education who recently had to watch their insane decision of teaching Intelligent Design in schools as science OVERTURNED. HA HA HA HA HA. Victory of common sense over medieval superstitious rubbish…awesome. America is finally getting back on track after all.
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@St John the Blasphemist
I take offence at the “cat piss” reference.
One-Eyed Jimothy
Fosters is more like goat urine and Coopers isn’t much better. For Aussie beer you need to look at your xxxx Bitter or Tooheys New. Cascade Premium is another favourite.
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Wel I wil typ liek u haf a men-tal problem, wii r not kreated in god’s image he kreated us in teh image most funny 2 him.
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No probs. Foster’s only ever became that famous cos of the Bazza McKenzie movies. Try ANY other Australian beer & chances are it’ll taste better than that.
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Is this cat stuff really compatible with all pirate stuff? I mean, don’t pirates have parrots? How long would that last? Cat’s don’t sit on your sholder that well, either. (Well I guess some make good wrap-arounds.)
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@Bill
Hi Bill!
Ships Cat was a cat kept aboard ships to chase off vermin i.e. rats and mice. Most useful then a parrot and easier to get along with then an undead monkey (movie reference – Pirates of the Carribean)
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@Ships Cat
They just chased off the vermin? What was it like “VERMIN OVERBOARD!”
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@Bill
“What was it like “VERMIN OVERBOARD!—
Along those lines. A pied piper of the seven seas if you will.
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I do not really care about that intolerant fanatic prat this comment is for:dantes_tormernt, navigator spider and cerebrum durum, you guys should have lots of kids and teach them all to THINK above all. you guyS rock XD
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@Ships Cat
You mean the cat’s never, like, ate the rats?
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@Yuunako
Lot’s of kids? For a while there I though you like these guys.
:-)
P.S. Welcome
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Dear Greg,
Why AREN’T there pirates in YOUR religion? They’re way rad.
~ihatemyspace
Oops. Maybe I should put that in terms you can understand.
Dear retard.
Y rnt their pirates in UR relgion? Their way rad.
~ihatemyspace
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@jimothy
I don’t bother reading the whole post before I go ahead and make fun of whatever fundie is on the menu…so that’s why I just realized you live by me! And we’re SO in for it, weather-wise. Freezing in Hell is right…
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@ IHM
ya, what I heard was we’re supposed to get at least 12 inches. I’m in Monroe, where you from?
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I like how he says ‘the next eternity’ as if there are a line of subsequent eternities.
.
Hmm, that’s actually kind of deep. I think that ole Greg here unwittingly stumbled onto a profound concept.
.
Uh oh. Two independent thought alarms in one day. The students are overstimulated. Willie! Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms!
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Greg, my misguided friend. Is this your first time using a computer, or did your mother never teach you how to spell. (and use grammer)
“Seriously think about this logically. How can a flying spaghetti “whatever†live or make something? If we are made in Gods image, I’m not spaghetti am I? you have probably ruined millions of people’s lives. Y is there pirates in ur religion? I am trying 2 act like u don’t have mental disabilities, but it’s very hard. This is blasphemy and u will probably burn in hell for the next eternity for ruining the lives of millions of people. I don’t know ne1 who “believes†in ur load of #$^@!like the words of others GET SOME HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-greg”
1. Its a Flying spaghetti MONSTER, not ‘whatever’. What are you, a 12 year old girl?
2. You believe we are made in god’s image. Humans are imperfect. THEREFORE, by your reasoning, you god is imperfect.
Think about that.
We do not say we are made in his image. Stop confusing yours and our beliefs.
3. “I am trying 2 act like u don’t have mental disabilities, but it’s very hard.”
Calm down. The white coats will be here for you in a minuite. I hear they are bring a new kind of straightjacket.
4. I don’t know ne1 who “believes†in ur load of #$^@!like the words of others GET SOME HELP
Well, theres at least 135 of us who responded to this post/thread/I’m not sure what their called here.
Words of others? What do you think the bible is?
Not your oh so mighty, imperfect god, oh no.
5. “This is blasphemy and u will probably burn in hell for the next eternity for ruining the lives of millions of people. ”
I’m good. Beter to enjoy yourself in life, and run that risk, than to live a boring, uneventful life, only to find there is no heaven or hell.
Here, you want to be happy? Why not imagine we are worshiping your god, in a different way? Like say your catholic, pretend we’re just a wierd sect of Christians or something.
6. “Y is there pirates ”
Y is there angels in ur religion?
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I just got two inches of snow at my house in only three hours… this means that either I’ve done some great Pastafarian work today, or there’s more secret Pastafarians in Albuquerque!! Where are you? I want to meet you!
.
BTW, Greg’s not even worth responding to so that’s why I’m discussing snow.
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Ahoy! Sail Ho!
.
http://www.mektek.net/j2k/video/sail-ho.wmv
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you know, im impressed that I came up with this, so I’m repeating it for shock value:
2. You believe we are made in god’s image. Humans are imperfect. THEREFORE, by your reasoning, your god is imperfect.
Think about that.
We do not say we are made in his image. Stop confusing yours and our beliefs.
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Oh, I love cats, we MUST have a ships cat on board our pirate ship.
*
It is almost Carneval here and it said in the paper that they rented and sold more pirates costumes than ever. So I expect real winter to start this weekend. We had exactly one day of snow so far, and hardly any frost.
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Returning to the problem of the correct temperature beer volcano, the answer is simple. As the gospel clearly states, the volcano is located in the firmament, not on earth, so the whole issue of high temperature doesn’t exist. Everyone knows that in the firmament is a huge underground lake of chilled beer, which wells up gently through the volcano. It’s really more of a high pressure spring than a volcano. Bless the FSM in his noodly goodness!
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We don’t gain weight in heaven, right? After an eternity or two of drinking beer and eating pasta, I imagine my weight would be measured in solar masses.
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Well, infrequently used keyboard symbols to you too, Greg matey. As regards burning in Hell, you clearly are looking unbeknownst at the volcanoes eruptions of frothy goodness and mistaking it for evil. Take the hand of a stripper and step bravely into the light; you’re a short step away and just don’t know it. Happiness awaits.
RAmen
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Ithink being chubby must be very holy in His eyes, but I am hoping to lose a little weight in the next few weeks – I hope this doesn’t make Him mad!
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Well I am consoling myself that at least I look a little more like a meatball when I haven’t been dieting! I reckon you should be ok, Booty, as long as you remember your eyepatch and parrot.
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“Enlightened.
Feb 13th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
This guy puts the fun back in fundamental.
But I’m confused.
1. How many eternities do we get? I was sorta thinking eternity was kinda, you know… self-limiting. It’s got that whole “eternal†thing goin’ for it and what-not…
2. If you stopped trying to act like we don’t have mental disabilities, and started acting like we do, would it free up enough brain cells for you to spell correctly? Because I am perfectly happy to be considered functionally retarded if it improves your writing skills.
3. If you don’t know “ne1″ (presuming this is “anyone†traveling incognito so as not to be associated with this post) who believes in our load of punctuation symbols, how are we ruining millions of lives? Wouldn’t we just be ruining our own? Is this the same kind of logic upon which your religion is based? I think I prefer beer and pasta, thanks all the same.
4. It has clearly been too, too long since I last trolled these hallowed halls, looking for giggles at the expense of organized religion and its purveyors of por… errr, of religion. I should never have been so remiss. I’ve grinned more in the last 20 minutes than I have all day.
:)
Carry on!”
.
.
.
Preach it brother!!! Enlightened, I have not read any of you’re posts before but i’ll be sure to read them from now on. I was laughing outloud at work. Keep up the witty banter.
.
Dr.Worm
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Happy Valentine’s Day people, or at least the Pastafarian equivalent!
The FSM has truly blessed me this day with a plethora of snow, resulting in a cancellation of school!
Can I get a RAmen from the congregation?
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RAmen! Nice quote for today:
“Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.”
Franklin P. Jones
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@Shinysheep and Greg
Curious, in the Christian mythology when were angels created? Were they created by god, like on the 4.5th day or something? Or are they just hanging around before the first day, when there was no light. I guess angels can see in the dark. Just curious where they are supposed to have come from.
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Back to the beer volcano: I picture the volcano as like the spigot on a beer keg. The volcano just taps into the vast, chilled, foamy, delicious beer supply below.
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@bill: depending on what you read, they were created before mankind to assist God in the creation of the Universe, or after mankind in order to act as intermediaries between mortal and Divine. i think the first mention they get in the Bible is when the “sons of God” mated with the “daughters of men”, resulting in the Nephilim.
.
either way, it’s another one of those ancient faerie-tales which would be cool if people didn’t base their lives around its literal truth. since i have an interest in various mythologies, i always think it would be fairly cool if the Nephilim were still around, hidden away in the corners of the world, indistinguishable among the human masses…along with vampires, and werewolves and sorcerors and all of that other bullshit which would make the world very interesting (and scary) if they actually existed.
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I believe we have somewhere around 7 or 8 inches of snow from the areas I’m looking at. haven’t gone out and measured, so not for sure
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Bill “Curious, in the Christian mythology when were angels created? Were they created by god, like on the 4.5th day or something?”
.
I’ve mentioned this before. God spent five and a half days making Yorkshire. Angels, therefore, were knocked up on a wet Saturday afternoon along with the rest of the Universe :)
Hope this helps.
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Apparently, I was was left out when HE created us in the image of himself :-(
Missing Characteristics
Omnipotence — Can’t seem to point my finger(or was that a “mere thought”) and flood the planet. Humanity may do that but the finger(thought) would be quicker.
Omniscience — Just wish I had a smidgen of this. Omni-benevolence would soon follow :-)
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@Pixel- RAmen! RAmen! This our 2nd snow day, and now I don’t have to do my speech till next week!
@greg- Wow ur stupid. Maybe u should donate those braincells to science, cause you certainly don’t seem to b using them.
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@everyone – laughed out loud at some of this thread! Thanks…does a soul good. Here in my fair state of Oklahoma we are at 20 degrees with a windchill of 11 – I will do my best not to complain given what some of you are dealing with!
@Josh the Pirate – LOL at the Zima comment! Have had a REALLY unpleasant night with that stuff. It was years ago, and the thought still turns my stomach.
@everyone – I have also been thinking along the lines that the xtians are really threatened by FSM and fear leads people to do strange things. They must not be at all confident in what they supposedly believe or they wouldn’t be so intolerant. We are apparently pushing on a lot of self-doubt and I say good for us.
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@ Pixel RAmen dude! But you can keep the snow thanks, I already spent the afternoon in the park with the little pirate and can no longer feel my fingers!
(And in reply to another comment somewhere I have lost, I like you too :) )
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The fundies have their doubts easily resolved. After your kid was run over by a truck, your grandmother was killed in a tornado, your mother has breast cancer, and your cousin Bob gets both his legs blown off in Iraq, your faith may waiver. But, you found that parking space right by the front door at Walmart therefore there must be a God!
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@ Marc McOar – LOL! Good point…
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All of you with snow days….I hope you enjoyed them. It’s ten degrees Fahrenheit with a windchill in the negatives here. And at least a foot of snow accumulated and…..we still have classes. Go figure.
@greg/the author of the post:
First of all, learn to type without abbreviations and with correct grammar and then and only then you will be allowed to talk about someone else having mental problems. Secondly, how is it logical that we really are made in God’s image? Do we even know what he looks like? If we don’t know what he looks like, then how can we be made in his image?
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So many fundies like to use Genesis 1:26 and 27 to justify their traditional ‘Santa in Drag’ image of god.
1:26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.â€
1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.â€
I’m not sure that ‘in his own image’ means an exact carbon copy. I lean more towards a Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave†style image – we share general characteristics, but miss out on the fun stuff like omnipotence.
I believe this is supported with the evidence that I was never able to smite my Aunt Marion, no matter how hard I tried.
Either way, it’s still pretty conceited. However, there is a lot of room for interpretation here, so I love to throw this passage right back at them, when it comes to Genetics.
My condensed argument is that:
- God is the ultimate creator, having created the entire universe in just 7 days;
- we are created in God’s image; and God has given us ‘dominion’ over all the earth
- As we share the same traits as God, so we too must be creators of life, in all its forms;
- Therefore, we have a divine imperative to create life.
-
I like to spice it up with comments about how Geneticists and Biologist are, in fact, holy men. The fundies love that one.
1:26 also lends itself to criticism about how some religions remain mute, or at least inactive, about environmental stewardship. At least we Pastafarians have a chart!
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@Jnocchi
If that isn’t bad enough, I like to point out that those who study God’s work (the bible) are holy men. So those who study god’s other works (the universe, life, etc) must be even holier! That one tends to go over really well. But as we all know, the only holy people are Pirates and Wenches.
RAmen
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@Jnocci – I read an excerpt from a book by Ann Coulter in which she pretty much stated that humans have a God-given right to do with this planet as they wish. It’s really sad…we as Pastafarians are at least doing our best to combat global warming by creating more pirates.
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@Rowdy Wench
Yes, it is sad that that so much about xtianity is actually about convenience. I can picture it now: “If God destroyed sent locusts and turned the rivers red, than surely we are justified in putting out CO2 to punish the wicked.â€
Their method isn’t nearly as precise when it comes to ‘slaying the first born’, but could ultimately prove more effective.
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@Jnocci – I agree! I hope when the planet rebels it can tell the difference between those of us that care and those that do not.
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@ everyone
Sorry for the bad grammar, doing too many things at once.
Oh how I yearn for noodly appendages.
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@ RW
Ramen to that. my favorite thing to do in the summer is grab a book and go out to the woods behind my house and read. just having nature around me makes me feel at ease, ya know?
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@jimothy
Warren. Wow it’s crazy! All the schools got cancelled. Even the college.
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@ IHM
wow, you are close. ya, I got to college in toledo and they’re closed too
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Yeah, it’s pretty nasty here in Virginia too. It’s about 50 deg F and cloudy. So what’s this “snow” stuff you guys keep talking about?
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@ Josh
its this white substance that falls from the clouds, along with severe cold and ice. it can pile up very high and is good for making into balls and throwing them at people:P
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@OEJ – We are hoping one of these days to find some land with lots of trees – old growth trees, not the annoying cedars that grow like weeds around here. We want to build a house right in them, designed so it looks like it belongs there. I just got back from the barn – it’s too freakin’ cold to actually do anything with my horse, but it’s a wonderful way to connect with myself and the natural world.
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ya, animals are always a great way to do that. we don’t have enough land for horses, or cheep or any of that. but I tell you right now, I ever hit the lotto for big money, I’m making my house an animal sanctuary
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I meant sheep, not cheep:P
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We don’t have any animals at our current house. My husband is not a big animal person! But if we live out in the country he is fine with dogs (well trained) and cats. He is not a fan at all of horses but knows I have a good one. My horse has taught me an enormous amount about being more mentally, emotionally and physically fit/balanced.
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thats cool. I hope to one day be able to live out in the country far enough to have animals. especially horses. been horseback riding twice, and I love it.
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sadly i’m too much of a city boy to own any large animals – i have to make do with scorpions. fortunately, one of the best things about life in northern england is that you’re seldom more than 20 minutes away from some decent countryside. still pales compared to the rural areas i saw in New Zealand and Malaysia, though.
i agree, animals are generally a great way to connect to the natural world.
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Maybe, if we speak its language, it will understand us.
y r u h8ing on r pasta? we r right and u are rong.
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@HN – Do you have pet scorpions? That is cool! I once saw on TV an “American” scorpion side by side with an “African” scorpion and OMFSM was that African one terrifying!
@Drummer – LOL!
@OEJ – It’s weird, but I feel really at home on my horse. I ride my students’s horses sometimes (I teach horse back riding) but it’s not the same.
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@ HN
ya, the pics I’ve seen of England look really nice
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@ RW
I wouldn’t know, don’t have my own horse
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@ pixel.
“Happy Valentine’s Day people, or at least the Pastafarian equivalent!
The FSM has truly blessed me this day with a plethora of snow, resulting in a cancellation of school!
Can I get a RAmen from the congregation? ”
Dam. You.
My school Board was the only one in ONTARIO that didn’t have a Snow Day!
I hate living in toronto. DAM YOU TDSB!
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@Rowdy Wench- Ann Coulter is the devil incarnate. I mean this seriously. I hate her with a passion that even dwarfs my hate for George Bush. He has an excuse, he’s an idiot. Coulter is just….evil.
@Josh the Pirate- snow is a substance that can freeze into a foot of ice that must be hacked apart with a sledghammer before you can even GET to to fluffy stuff on bottom. It can cause fun for little kids, but hours of labor for those old enough to hold a shovel. :(
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About the beer volcano, it seems to me that since the FSM is omnipotent, there should be no problem with having a cold volcano. The laws of physics and geology, which are only laws because the FSM has manipulated the data, surely don’t need to apply in heaven. They certainly don’t in the Christian heaven–who ever sat on a cloud?–so why in Pastafarianism?
In any case, I am hoping for a strawberry daiquiri, or at least a margarita, volcano.
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@ Dread Wench – I agree about Ann Coulter! I didn’t know she was a fundie (call me naive or stupid, either one) until I read that excerpt. I was shocked. I have been a lifelong registered Republican (please don’t attack me for this, none of us is perfect! :) ) but am definitely more liberal than I used to be. I am ashamed of what has happened to the Republican party and have no wish to be part of it.
Also, at our house we had hours of fun (!!) with a hoe, axe and shovel about a month ago to remove enough ice from the driveway we could get out. I know there are some of you out there who laugh at a little bit of ice, but we are not used to that here!
@Spagetti Scientist – works for me!
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@SS
I agree whole-heartedly that “laws” are really only whims to the holy FSM, and that He can make whatever He wants in heaven (ditto in the rest of the universe). But if we all agree that the volcanoes spew forth cold frosty beverages, why call them volcanoes? Why not volcano-shaped alcohol dispensers?
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Hate mail is bad enough as it is. The last thing it needs is bad grammar and spelling. Further more, how is the Flying Spaghetti Monster any less legit than God making the universe in seven days? If the Church of the FSM had been spread like Christianity and then the Bible be released now, then people would find it most strange.
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@Michael the Pastafarian
A logical argument.
However, if you’re trying to convince Christians of the FSM, you’d be wise to note they have no respect for logic.
Speakin’ like a Vulcan today!
RAmen
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I suppose the “cats out of the bag” that ole Thumpie was just pretending to be a fundie all along…took some of you long enough!
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Having said that, I don’t see why we still can’t enjoy some of the rampant insanity that the “good book” has to offer. Todays madness is one for the wenches and brought to you courtesy of Thumpies favourite Bible guy Deuteronomy at 25:11-13 *Wabbit clears throat*
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“If two men are having a fight and the wife of one of the men tries to help her husband by grabbing hold of the other man’s genitals, show her no mercy, cut off her hand.”
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Now many of the male Pirates may be tempted to agree that perhaps this rule is kinda ok. I would suggest however that it doesn’t cover a good swift kick. Wenches, if you do think that you might have to “grab at some genital” at some time I suggest that you rethink it and maybe deliver a “chicken kickin’” as it’s known. This way if the Bible turns out to be correct you should be able to argue that you’re not in breach.
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PARODY MOTHER FUCCCCKER!
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@dantes_torment
“Loogical”? What is that? While you are attempting to prove your spelling and grammar to be superior to others, you might want to, well… spell properly? Just a suggestion.
Also, I don’t know what this Buhddism religion is, but it sounds great. I think I’ve heard of a similar one called Buddhism.
Matt
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Pixely Dude!
Wheres the rest of your name?
I was calling you jr PP, now you’re just P?
Oh my!
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@everyone Hi I’m new
@greg
I have a couple friends that are just as close minded and ignorant as you, but even they can spell better!
1. Get a dictionary or spell check or go back to 2nd grade and learn to spell
2. stop trying to shove your religion down our throats and damning us to Hell just because we dont believe the same load of BS that you do.
3. how many eternities are there?! I was always told there was only 1.
@everyone
I too am not a beer person I perfer Jose or Rum, does that mean that I can have a tequila volcanoe?
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@Josh the Pirate:
I think it’s because “Our heaven has volcano-shaped alcohol dispensers and an establishment where individuals of all shapes, sizes, and genders remove their clothing” just doesn’t have the same ring to it as “a beer volcano and a stripper factory”. It pulls people in; after that they learn the finer points of our doctrine. :)
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@Petey
Sorry, thought I’d shorten it ’cause most people just call me Pixel!
RAmen
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@Thumpy
I knew all along!
You’re too Noodly to be a troll. I’m glad you decided to have your very own “out of the proverbial closet” moment.
RAmen
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To Dread Wench and Rowdy Wench… my name for Ann Coulter is “Satan’s Bitch”. Thought you’d appreciate hearing that one… and also that I cover up all her books (with other books) in EVERY bookstore I go to.
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Thumper, who are you????? I totally apologize for saying “I hate you” but I really thought you were trying to piss us all off! So I’m sorry. When will you tell us who you are?
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@Pixel
“You’re too Noodly to be a troll.”
Awwww shucks Pixel! You always were one of the good guys…I actually “fested up” the other day on a different thread. I’m now thinking of invading a Christian group and spreading the satire…I’ll keep you “posted” (no pun intended)
@Wench Beth
I knew you didn’t really “hate” ole Thumpie. I wasn’t trying to upset anyone just have some fun and liven things up with some good Trollish antics. I’d type who I am but me phone’s ringing and I’ve got to run…
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@ Wench Beth – LOL!
@ Thumper – I am personally fond of a good old front snap kick to the groin. I have learned much about this in martial arts!
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@Rowdy Wench
Taekwondo per chance? Well it’s not in the Bible so we’ll have to assume it’s fine with the Christians.
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What happens if a young believer dies before alcohol is entirely appropriate? Or strippers, for that matter? Soda volcanoes? I think we have a dilemma here. What is the solution?
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Mad pirate props to me! I have successfully ruined the lives of my college’s engineering faculty! I’m working on the physics department, but it isn’t much of a challenge. They seem perfectly willing to accept His Noddliness. Just goes to show how rational thought can ruin a perfectly good homicidal domesticated primate. I bet the religious studies folks would give me a bit more of a challenge.
RAmen
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erm: Noodliness
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Let us know how your attempts at converting the religion dept. went.
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@ Thumper – It’s an odd form of Kenpo Karate refined during WWII for street fighting situations. Nothing elegant like TaeKwanDo! Just dirty, illegal stuff. After a year and a half of dedicated practice, it has done good things for my wenchly figure!! :)
@PlagueChicken – Sounds like fun! Let us know how you get on…
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I’m Christian and my mom says we don’t do hate.
(FSM is totally tied for 1st with Jesus)
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before I die, I’d like to see one person put up a decent argument on this site against FSMism, and I’d die happy if it were to be a Christian to do so.
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I have yet to see a really convincing argument FOR Christianity, or Judaism, or Islam. So the probability of someone of any of those providing a legitimate argument against the FSM is low.
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GUESS WHAT! I found out the most mind boggling thing in Christian religion. It turns out JESUS DID NOT DIE FOR YOUR SINS! It turns out he lied when he says he died for all our sins he actually died for all our sins but one!!! We forgot about the asterisk in our contract with heaven. It turns out if we blaspheme the holy spirit (not god, not jesus, and not the father) then we cannot be be forgiven!!!! You can even google it, I didn’t believe it at first either!
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Hur kan ni vara så jävla dumma att tro på nått sådant här skit! jävla IDIOTER! Ni kan ta eran jävla sekt och köra upp den i arslet på er själva!
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interesting post, MONGOLOI. care to repeat it in english?
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I sense that it means something interesting. Looks Scandinavian? Forgive me if I can’t tell the difference, apparently a Dane, a Swede, and a Norwegian can carry on a conversation, that’s how similar their languages are.
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@TFSMLY’s earlier post
For Pastafarians who go to heaven before age 18, there must be no difference. See, it’s the BODY that was underage, not the soul. The soul is a timeless, uh…wait, what’s the soul again? In any case, since there are all types of beverages available, under-age Pastafarians can indulge in milk, soda, orange juice, or some other mixer. As for strippers, maybe they can just play a nice game of checkers with them instead.
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Ah… You are just too stupid for words. Silly Jesus follower.
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@MONGOLOI
I entirely understand what you’re saying and I couldn’t agree more!
Because I totally speak mongolian(don’t get me wrong, making my like google mongolia and speaking the language are two totally different things!)
:P
RAmen
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OH! That last post reminded me of something I recently heard about Mary, mother of Jesus. She was apperently 13 or so when she had god’s kid. So do we add pedaphile to the list of current crimes religon has santcioned.
And by the bye, in most Caribbian nations, an ancient Pirate’s Paradice, you are old enough to drink when you can reach the bar.
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I think that Pastafarian heaven will not have silly age rules. That would be most unfair to the little pirates and wenches. I would think that anyone who has a hankering could partake in the beer volcano and the stripper factories. What would it hurt? I mean, after all, you are already dead.
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I could use a stripper right now. got broken up with yesterday. circumstances beyond either of our control. still hurts like a bitch though
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@MM
And let’s not forget that the ultra-conservative panties-in-a-twist types won’t be around to disapprove. They’ll be simmering in a pot of just-too-hot-to-be-uncomfortable marinara sauce.
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@Marc McOar
Now let’s not do what the Christians would do, abolish limbo my ass!
But I do approve of the “I think” at the beginning, let’s us know you still reject dogma.
I agree with you. I too believe that all the little pirates and wenches will have unlimited access to the beer volcano and stripper factory. But I also think that if they wouldn’t want those there would be more kid-friendly attractions like a water park or something.
Where would one go to live in heaven? Are there divine real estate agents?
RAmen
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Why would one need shelter? You just find a nice stripper, have a few glasses of grog, and curl up on a soft bed under a big tree. The weather is always perfect. If you want privacy you can always plant a hedge. But you wouldn’t really need privacy since there would be nothing to be ashamed of.
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i’d get bored if the weather was always perfect. the odd piratey tropical hurricane would make things a bit more fun.
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Dr.Worm
Feb 14th, 2007 at 7:21 am
“Enlightened.
Feb 13th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
…
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Preach it brother!!! Enlightened, I have not read any of you’re posts before but i’ll be sure to read them from now on. I was laughing outloud at work. Keep up the witty banter.
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Dr.Worm
Heh, thanks! (although, to be anatomically correct, it’s “sister…”) I’ve trolled on and off since this time last year, but not with anything approaching consistency or constance… my work schedule does not allow it. Today I am bored; tomorrow I will have to cram 17 hours’ work into 10 to meet a deadline. And there’s really no way to work ahead. So it goes.
Kinda like that whole “world in seven days” thing… sometimes ya just have to work to deadline… and then somewhere around midnight on day 6, when you’re working frantically on the prototype and the project manager says, “Great, looks fab, we’re running with it cause the client’s here… no time to clean it up,” and you realize… you forgot to incorporate a design change made by the glandular system guys that was just submitted to correct a glaring oversight…
But ya know, when you’re a Divine Creator, you don’t have to worry so much about losing your job when your prototype starts wearing out early; you can just do a little propagandizi… errr, marketing, and voila! Pre-determined destiny! Working as intended, not a defect, operator error… you are dying because you have SINNED…
>.>
.
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Josh the Pirate Feb 15th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
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Broken-up with. On Valentines day? Bloody hell. Talk about a sense of irony. I take it you’ll be doing the traditional thing. Getting hammered for a week!
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Tough break, sincerely.
D
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oops. wrong person.
Should have been to
One-Eyed Jimothy Feb 15th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
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Sorry Josh :(
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ya, if only I could get hammered. too bad my parents monitor the alcohol
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@ O-EJ
Sorry to hear about the break up. Alcohol isn’t what it’s cracked up to be though. Wait, what I am saying? Of course it is!
I had this bitch get married on me one time WHILE WE WERE GOING OUT. I got lit up on tequilla that night, and had to go into work the next day reeeaally hungover. That was back when I was a Lance Corporal in the Marine Corps. Had to run and everything. I didn’t regret losing that useless twat, but I did regret trying to fix it with alcohol.
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@ Josh
that sucks big ones. its just one of those parents are ok with me and then all of a sudden hate me deals
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@Thumper- I have to admit I’ve been really suspicious for a few weeks, you just have too much wit for the average trolll XD. Sorry I said all that crap to youin thwe begining. That quote is serously f***** up.
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@ Dread Wench L’TUAE
Worry not fine wench…all was forgiven the minute it was said. Ole Thumpie was after a good drubbin’ from the loyal Pastafarians to amuse himself…I well knew that acting the “giddy goat” and saying all manner of crazy fundy gibber was going to evoke a response. It was also educational…I’ve never read that much of the Bible before and was quite blown away by just how bizarre it really is.
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@ Thumper
I haven’t read it, but people I know that havem they tell me its quite a stretch to believe. wonder if it means anything that they aren’t Christians or Catholics anymore?:P
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@ everybody
I dunno where I heard it, but I just remembered this. the very second word of the Bible is mistranslated. its not “In the beginning,” its “In A beginning.” now boys and girls, whats another way of saying in a beginning?
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Parallel universes!
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@ TFSMLY
not what I was going for:P I was lookinf for Once upon a time
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@Jimothy
Definitely alternate reality!
I wonder if the FSM exists in all realities, or if we are the only ones blessed by His Noodliness.
RAmen
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To One-Eyed Jimothy… really, really sorry that you had a breakup. I’m sure the wench doesn’t deserve you anyway. You’re probably MUCH better than her, anyway! Well, you’ve got us all to talk to, any time, because we love you and the FSM loves you!
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Pixel, first we have to know if pasta exists on parallel universes! I hope that others feel the touch of His Noodliness.
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Ramen, wench! The FSM loves you, see name!
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@Marc McOar
“Why would one need shelter? You just find a nice stripper, have a few glasses of grog, and curl up on a soft bed under a big tree.”
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Oh, you’re right! I know that you’d get tired even in the afterlife, but I had never thought of the infinitely comfortable grass!
Not to mention wenches :P
RAmen
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Here is the translation of MONGOLOI’s posting (it’s Swedish, BTW):
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Hur kan ni vara så jävla dumma att tro på nått sådant här skit! jävla IDIOTER! Ni kan ta eran jävla sekt och köra upp den i arslet på er själva!
.
How can you be so f***ing stupid that you believe in such sh*t! F***ing idiots! You can take your stupid sect and [roughly] stick it up your f***ing ass!
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Oh, lovely. I didn’t know we had Swedish haters. Do you speak swedish or did you just Babelfish it?
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To Josh the Pirate… I think the FSM provides for all types in his heaven. If you don’t drink or are too young, He will have a soda volcano or an orange juice volcano — whatever you ask for. And for those who are too young for strippers, the FSM will provide unlimited video games and etc. Plus there is a male stripper factory for the wenches and gay pirates. So, you see, the FSM loves us all and will provide for any age, any persuasion!
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@Wench Beth
All that language, I think I need a Huvüdvarkstablett!
Hahahahaha, I can speak Swedish too!
Sri Svenska(or something)
RAmen
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@Wench Beth
Grog… wenches… video games…
What more could a nerd like me ask for?
Oh damn, a huge-ass TV to watch Star Trek on!
RAMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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To The FSM loves you… I speak Swedish, among others, so if that a**hole posts again he won’t get away with a thing except for embarrassing himself.
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To MONGOLOI… try insulting us in another language next time. Or, better yet, have some balls and speak in English.
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Pixel, one doesn’t cuddle under the tree because one is tired, one cuddles because it is romantical. ;-)
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I hope heaven has factories that turn out 8 foot tall silver-skinned strippers with 3 sets of tits, purple hair, and can dance to Nine Inch Nails. Cause that’s what I want.
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make your text so we can read it. please?
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To Pixel Pop… I’m probably as old as your mom but if I wasn’t, I’d marry you instantly on the Enterprise bridge at the “Star Trek: The Experience” in Las Vegas. I am the biggest Star Trek fan on the entire planet. I’ll have a pistol duel at dawn with anyone who contests me!
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To Josh the Pirate… whoa, sounds like you’ve been watching too much Star Wars or Star Trek! But yes, the FSM will provide for your individual desires.
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Jon888,
If the Holy Spirit, God and Jesus are all ONE divine being, how could you blasphemy against one and not the other? You can not blasphemy against the Holy Spirit without blasphemying against the others (God and Jesus). The divine beings are all three separate entities but yet one. Plus, you might want to refer to a book of History (the Bible) instead of a source off the internet.
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@Marc McOar
Oh yes, and with me you know you’ll never get to sleep*tiger growl*
@Wench Beth
Best experience EVER!!!
I’d marry you why not.
Were you at the last convention(I’m such a nerd!)
@Josh the Pirate
Interesting fantasy there kiddo!
Plan on getting your brain checked out sometime soon.
RAmen
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@ Wench Beth
actually, its the other way around, I’m the one that didn’t deserve her. see, I’m about 5′ 11″, 280, and a lazy bastard. she’s my height, beautiful, and more motivated than I’ve ever been. and she didn’t care about any of that shit, she loved me for me. we still love each other. only reason we had to break up is cause her mom hates me for some unknown reason. could be the age difference, but I told her mom I’d wait till she was 18. she’s 16 right now, and I’m 18, but its like 2 1/2 years difference. didn’t think it was that bad a wait. besides, we’ve been talking online and the phone for a year and a hald now, and we pretty much are each others other half. right now, all I know is I want her back. and I’ll do anything to get her back, even waiting longer for her
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@Pixel. Aaack! No, no. I meant this as general information! Yikes!
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@Jimothy
Don’t tell me… you’re seeing each other secretly?
How touching, I know how ya feel(not really, bedside manner)
But I’d like to think I have a semi-idea what you’re going through.
RAmen
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@ I Dream a pirate.
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Blaspheming the Holy spook is the one unforgivable sin. The thing is no one knows what that is. The bible doesn’t say.
The ideas are suicide or apostasy. I suppose it’s up to interpretation though :)
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@Marc McOar
Hahaha, too funny!
Don’t worry, heaven’s about the only way I’m ever gonna get me a wench!
RAmen
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@ Pixel
well, no. her mom knew about me and as far as I knew was ok with me. then she just started hating me. its a confusing time right now
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Aww Pixel ….”heaven’s about the only way I’m ever gonna get me a wench!”
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Don’t say that, things can change. With God inside you all things are possible :)
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@One0Eyed Jimothy
Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy…If indeed it is true love it shall find a way. Read Romeo and Juliette…ahhhhhh…skip the last couple of pages though…get yourself a ukulele and seranade your lady until they put the sprinklers on or get a domestic violence order.
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On a more serious note…before you do any waiting make sure that she really does feel the way you think she does…if it’s meant to be it shall be. Let ole Thumpie know how it pans out…I’m always up for getting involved in a “hare brained” scheme…especially when true love is involved.
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To One-Eyed Jimothy… wow, that’s harsh. Man, I wish I had an answer for you. My parents forbid me to see my boyfriend when I was 17 — I can feel for you. Just keep the faith — if you two are meant to be together then IT WILL HAPPEN.
.
If there is any way you could have a mature conversation (and by mature I am referring to the MOM) with her mom and find out why she has decided to turn you away, and tell her how much you respect her daughter and how much you care about each other, etc…. I don’t know if that kind of conversation is possible but it would show how mature YOU are and sometimes that makes a difference to stubborn parents. Parents want to be in control, they want to know what’s going on, and they want everything out i the open; if you can offer that to her mom… who knows.
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Anyway, best of luck. Stay strong and think of rational things that might get through to this “hater” mom.
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To Pixel Pop… I attend ALL the Las Vegas conventions, every year. Are those the ones you’re referring to?
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Wench Beth. ALL of them? Good for you!
RAmen
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@Wench Beth
“My parents forbid me to see my boyfriend when I was 17″
Did they have a good reason to “forbid” you seeing him…like did he go out stealing from old ladies, digging up the dead and shooting rabbits?..that kind of thing.
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I’d say that attending every Star Trek convention really is the final frontier in Trekkiedom…may you live long and prosper.
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To Thumper… no, my parents had no reason to forbid me from seeing my boyfriend other than 1) he wasn’t the same religion as we were, and 2) he wasn’t a straight-A student headed for medical school. My boyfriend didn’t drink, smoke, do drugs or anything parents would consider “bad”. It really hurt me, and it still does. But here I go, reminiscing in the wrong direction :(
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And thank you for the ultimate Vulcan compliment! :)))
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Seriously think about this logically.
BB: After you
How can a flying spaghetti “whatever†live or make something?
BB: it makes more sense than your god making the universe in seven days
If we are made in Gods image, I’m not spaghetti am I?
BB: well you seem to have the mental capacity of a rather retarded piece of tortellini, thus semi proving the point, however i would like to remind you that in Christianity people are made in god’s image, not in pastafarianism
you have probably ruined millions of people’s lives.
BB: no, i’d say christianity has ruined a fair deal more, look at the crusades, various witch hunts, need I say more?
Y is there pirates in ur religion?
BB: you’re just jealous because your religion doesn’t have any.
I am trying 2 act like u don’t have mental disabilities, but it’s very hard.
BB: well it’s manifesting in making you look like you have the mental disabilities
This is blasphemy and u will probably burn in hell for the next eternity for ruining the lives of millions of people.
BB: actually i’ll be in heaven with the beer volcanos and stripper factory
I don’t know ne1 who “believes†in ur load of #$^@!like the words of others GET SOME HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BB: I could say the same about your religion and i think i may
-greg
~ The Blame Bunny
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@Wench Beth
Well I guess if he wasn’t a Pastafarian I don’t blame them on that call…but seriously…If my parents had tried something like that on me I would have resorted to good old fashon disobedience, subterfuge and a “dolly” placed in bed so as to look like I was home when in fact I was not.
@The Blame Bunny
Cool name. Good to see the wabbit numbers on the multiply round here…I predict by this time next year every second post will be from a wabbit.
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A remarkable amount of time invested into what has got to be the most infantile bit of satire I have yet seen. I can just imagine you dancing around in front of your computer with glee, reveling in what you think is wit. Alas, you (creator of this site) are no Jonathan Swift. And this isn’t coming from some intelligent design theorist, either. I’m an agnostic.
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To Thumper… I was such a f***ing “good girl” back then that it didn’t occur to me to do those things. Wish I had been a Pastafarian back then; things would have been a LOT different!! :)))
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@Tyler
Well!…time to shut down the website I guess.
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Man I never thought of it like that as I danced about gleefully…damn!..Jonathon Swift…Jonathon Livingston Swift???…book about a bird right?
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@Beth
Plenty more Pirates in the sea. You could always ask Tyler what he’s up to on Friday night…I reckon he likes to dance…
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@WenchBeth
This thread has been quite a ride.
Feel bad for OEJ, and for you. Had the same when I was a young lad, for no apparent reason. That really sucked, because we really dug each other.
Maybe we will meet again at the beer volcano!
I will be vacationing with friends in vegas over the memorial day weekend (thurs to mon).
Anything happening then we should check out?
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Thumper, that’s Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Bach. Amazing book, very, very good.
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very good book, thought provoking, and after all seagulls are to be found following every pirate ship – coincidence? i think not…
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A flame post from a Christian starting with “seriously, think about this logically..”
Oh the irony
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@Tyler
“A remarkable amount of time invested into what has got to be the most infantile bit of satire I have yet seen.”
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Oh Tyler, Tyler, Tyler. Is our wit not rapier-like to you?
Why not try some satirical musings yourself? Allow us to become your most unworthy of acolytes.
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Please? I beg of thee. Dazzle us with your Dyeusian discourse. Paralyse us with your Promethean prose. Slay us with your Swiftian satire.
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I am forever in your shadow oh great Tyler. You are, surely, a God amongst men!
RAmen
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Logic is science.
Science advocates the FSM.
Logic advocates the FSM.
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Ramen Earthrise! Way to use (Platonic? Aristotelean? Something else? Can’t remember…) reasoning! If a = b, and b = c, then a = c!
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@greg
Okay, I know that you are probably either a mimic fundie troll or someone who is really, really angry (apparent reason: our blatant uses of free thought, intelligent satire, and common sense), but I just have to ask… how can there be more than one eternity? Maybe someone already asked this, but I have to know how there can be a “next eternity”. I won’t bother going over your letter’s ironic side, as I have no doubt that many others already have, but please just answer this one question: how can the be a next eternity when eterniy, by definition, lasts for… well, an eternity?
-Gnocci Man, severly confused.
RAmen
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@The FSM loves you
Actually, the first statement can be represented by an equal sign but the second and third cannot. Leibnitz believed that if any two things had all the same properties then they were identical (really one thing, with two names). The opposite has always been accepted. If two things are identical, then they have all the same properties. So
Premise 1: a=b
Premise 2: a has a certain property
therefore,
b has the same property
In this case the property of advocating the FSM
Sorry, I know that is more than you ever really wanted to know.
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@greg
Greg: “Seriously, think about this logically.”
TFSMLY: As soon as you do.
G: “How can a flying spaghetti ‘whatever’ live or make something?”
TFSMLY: The same way some existing but nonexisting entity that knows everything but still lets infant children die lives and makes stuff?
G: “If we are made in god’s image, I’m not spaghetti am I?”
TFSMLY: There’s that “if”. We weren’t made in God’s image. How can we be made in the image of something that doesn’t exist? Either way, it’s actually pasta that’s made in the FSM’s image.
G: “you have probably ruined millions of people’s lives.”
TFSMLY: You think the massacre of millions of innocents through the Inquisition didn’t ruin their lives? Oh wait, no it didn’t, because they KILLED THEM.
G: “Y is there pirates in ur religion?”
TFSMLY: I don’t understand gibberish. Please speak clearly. Plus, humans evolved from pirates. Our DNA is 99.99% pirate.
G: “I’m trying 2 act like you don’t have mental disabilities, but it’s really hard.”
TFSMLY: And the result of this is that it makes you look like an imbecile? And would you like to compare IQ’s?
G: “this is blasphemy and u will probably burn in hell for the next eternity for ruining millions of people’s lives.”
TFSMLY: How is this blasphemy? Establishing our own religion? Maybe God is blasphemous to the FSM. By the way, we won’t burn in hell, for the “next eternity” (an impossibility, considering there’s one time, not many) or otherwise, because hell doesn’t exist.
G: “I don’t know ne1 who believes in ur load of @#$%!! like the others i would say GET SOME HELP!!!!!”
TFSMLY: I could say the same to you.
Ramen, end of story.
~TFSMLY
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@ Wench Beth
I’ve been thinking about that option. I’m currently trying to think of what I’d say, but if I can’t, I know one of her friends will present my case to her mom for me. just whether I wanna try it and possibly ruin things more
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@ I dream a pirate
Yes, I actually found it in a bible, but assuming we all have the gospel and not a bible, the Internet is the next best thing. I think it is written in 2 or 3 different location in the new testament, matthew, mark, and luke, I think. It does not actually say if you blaspheme the entire entity of God you cannot be forgiven but it definitely says if you blaspheme the holy spirit specifically you ave committed the unforgivable sin.
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European Pastafarians
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Please see http://www.venganza.org/2007/02/06/arrogant-atheists.htm#comment-57694
.
regarding proposal for a European Constitution based around God!
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One-Eyed Jimothy Feb 15th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
@ Pixel
well, no. her mom knew about me and as far as I knew was ok with me. then she just started hating me. its a confusing time right now
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Jimothy, that really sucks dude.
I’m only guessing, but I’d ask your girlfriend if she got in a fight with her mom.
And used you as some sort of leverage against mom in the fight.
That’s one way for a parent to suddenly start disliking someone.
Best of luck to you. Love sucks at times.
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@One-Eyed Jimothy
I know exactly how you feel.
Half the time I’m too confused to know what to say! (too many to’s in that sentence, aargh!)
RAmen
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@Bill
Sorry, I didn’t see that post until after I had posted. But I always like learning new things. Especially from a noodly brother.
Ramen
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Pixel Pop Feb 16th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
@One-Eyed Jimothy
I know exactly how you feel.
Half the time I’m too confused to know what to say! (too many to’s in that sentence, aargh!)
RAmen
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Hi Pixely Pop Dude!
You put to many “to’s” in that sentence!
Just thought I’d tell ya! Did it snow this week or what?
Ramen
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@Petey
I got a snow day :P
Yeah it snowed like a real bitch!
How’s life been to you?
RAmen
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Pixel Pop Feb 16th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
@Petey
I got a snow day :P
Yeah it snowed like a real bitch!
How’s life been to you?
RAmen
.
Pretty good! I was snowed in at Holiday Valley till yesterday.
Had a great week! Thanks for asking.
Those dang pirates are doing a bang up job,
Keeping us cold.
Ramen
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@Petey
Yeah, maybe they’re doing too good of a job :P
I had to shovel my driveway, oh that sucked quite a bit.
RAmen
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To Tyler… what are you doing tonight? Would you like to go out dancing?
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Pixely dude! Can you not see that shoveling was all part of the plan?
FSM is trying to make you stronger for the taking of Albany!
Ramen
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Wench Beth Feb 16th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
To Tyler… what are you doing tonight? Would you like to go out dancing?
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There you go Tyler! Chance of a lifetime right there!
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Beth, go easy on him. I don’t think he can handle a real Wench such as you.
Just go easy on him.
Ramen
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We need more pirates down this way. It hasn’t snowed in ages
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Just a couple of things I would like to add here: first, regarding intelligent design: I am willing to concede that the complexity of design and the interworkings and interconnections of life forms may be too complex to be attributable to random chance. However, the abundance of design flaws, along with the disparity of design styles, suggests the work of a committee. (See Terry Pratchett’s “The Last Continent” where a group of wizards attempts to make a duck and ends up creating the platypus.) It thus seems to me that a belief in intelligent design leads to acceptance of polytheism.
Secondly, in response to those who insist that their god is all-powerful and all-loving, a quote attributed to Epicurus:
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
(Oh, and by the way, “god” is not a name, it’s a job title.)
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@ Peter
I’m pretty sure thats not the case. she was never confrontational and would rather give in to her mom than fight. the only person she really fought with was me, and that was when I was beating myself up or when I wouldn’t stand up for myself against her
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One-Eyed Jimothy Feb 16th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
@ Peter
I’m pretty sure thats not the case. she was never confrontational and would rather give in to her mom than fight. the only person she really fought with was me, and that was when I was beating myself up or when I wouldn’t stand up for myself against her
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Yeah, I just don’t know Jimothy. I was just guessing at that.
It could be too, that her mom thinks she is concerned with you more then she should be? I wish I had the ability to fix problems for people.
But sadly I just don’t , If I can be a friend, I’m here for you.
One thing I’m really glad I never have to do is grow up again.
Man, you’re both at a suckie age! It does get easier though,
just hang in there.
And water down some of the family Whiskey! They won’t notice!
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Cunning Linguini,
Thanks for that.
I’m pretty sure god covered it in another thread though.
Ramen
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@ Peter
thanks for the laugh with the whiskey joke. ya, I know it gets easier, but it hurts a lot right now, ya know?
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One-Eyed One-Eyed Jimothy Feb 16th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
@ Peter
thanks for the laugh with the whiskey joke. ya, I know it gets easier, but it hurts a lot right now, ya know?
Feb 16th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
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Jimothy, You can go as much as 8oz water per every 32oz of Whiskey.
This is experience talking here. Any more then that, and they may notice.
Any less, and you’re losing out!
Yeah, I can only imagine how much it does hurt for you. I think that’s why it gets easier as we get older.
We all have our share of heart aches in life. Broken hearts, loved ones dying, etc. etc.
We get older, we endure more and more of these aches and tend to become more acceptable to them.
If we don’t, they eat us alive!
.
Best thing to do! If you can’t get drunk, find something else to think about!
Hell, Jimothy, lets plot to overthrow Detroit! Before Toyota sticks a flag in the ground there!
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@josh – I’m no theologian, but I believe that I understand how the beer volcano works. If the beer is kept in the volcano at an extremely high pressure then released through a very small hole, the evaporative effect would sufficiently cool it, would it not? This way the hole in the volcano could be tailored to the proper temperature for the specific beer. English ale, large hole. American water beer, small hole.
Now if someone could explain how the stripper factory works….
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@ Peter
good idea. already got enough automakers there, don’t need another. but lets see, what will we need to overthrow Detroit? numbers, which I can get my juggalo homies to help, our biggest fan base is Detroit:P ok, next, weaponry. what we gonna use?:P
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@ Jimothy- dang, that sucks man. I hope it gets better for you. If you wait till she’s of age there’s really nothing they can do about it though?
@Wench Beth- since you go to all the conventions, I henceforth concede the ultimate fan title to you. But I claim second. And the experience ROCKED!
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@ Dread Wench
ya, I’m waiting for her to be ok enough to talk to me to ask her that. I want to wait for her, she’s the best thing thats ever happened to me. I know they say it takes so many breakups before ya find the right one, but I swear to you now, I know she’s the one. we complete each other on every level. and when she told me we had to split, it felt like half of me was ripped away.
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One-Eyed Jimothy Feb 16th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
@ Peter
good idea. already got enough automakers there, don’t need another. but lets see, what will we need to overthrow Detroit? numbers, which I can get my juggalo homies to help, our biggest fan base is Detroit:P ok, next, weaponry. what we gonna use?:P
.
Well lets think…. You’ve got the Pirates, thats a start.
Lets get ICP to put on a huge ass concert in Toledo. Everybody will drive down to it.
So Detroit will be empty.
All we’ll need then, are some computer geeks to rework the infrastructure of the city.
Re-route everything to our PCs and we’ll have control!
Whatca think? A takeover with little or no bloodshed?
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@ Josh the Pirate
Sorry about the delay in replies, I’ve been snowed in for a few days. I was figuring it was at high pressure inside the volcano, so as long as you don’t stick your head in…Anyway, I’m not saying it has to be that way, just offering a possibility.
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@ Peter
hmmm, could work. and bravo on the knowing what a juggalo is, most people just go “huh?” now where are we gonna get that many computer geeks?:P
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Physics Wench Feb 16th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
@ Josh the Pirate
Sorry about the delay in replies, I’ve been snowed in for a few days. I was figuring it was at high pressure inside the volcano, so as long as you don’t stick your head in…Anyway, I’m not saying it has to be that way, just offering a possibility.
.
I think it’s magic.
Just like that other god. We aren’t supposed to question the FSM.
Just my thought.
Ramen
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One-Eyed Jimothy Feb 16th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
@ Peter
hmmm, could work. and bravo on the knowing what a juggalo is, most people just go “huh?†now where are we gonna get that many computer geeks?:P
.
I had a nephew that was a fan. Not sure whatever happened to him? haha
.
As far as the geeks, Easy! We’ll just go to Geeks dot com.
Ramen
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I still don’t get the beer volcano thing. I guess that’s what’s faith is for. The stripper factories, on other hand, are child’s play. First of all, the FSM takes all the DNA from all the hot chicks that ever lived after the Big Crunch (time is relative in heaven, remember) and creates an enormous database (along with all fashions that ever existed), which of course is supercooled under the frozen beer volcanoes. The factories receieve data from the mind readers implanted in the beer mugs and retrieve the appropriate combination of DNA and stripper outfits from the databases. From there, cloning vats filled with a special bio-engineered superfiud build the strippers from the molecule up, complete with the appropriate attire. From there, they travel along a conveyer belt where they are programmed with a nuerolizer to dance to the kind of music chossen by the user (from the same mind-reader/beer mug). From there, they slide down a brass pole and are ready to go. Plug-n-play. Couldn’t be simpler.
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@ Peter
then we’re set! just gotta get ICP to do the concert now….:P
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One-Eyed Jimothy Feb 16th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
@ Peter
then we’re set! just gotta get ICP to do the concert now….:P
.
Shoot Jimothy!
That’s the easiest part of all. We’ll just ask FSM for some of the divine intervention stuff. Once we get that, we’ll attack!
Ramen!
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@ Peter
then lets start asking:P
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One-Eyed Jimothy Feb 16th, 2007 at 5:52 pm
@ Peter
then lets start asking:P
.
K’ then, I’ve never asked the FSM for anything before.
But let’s give it a shot…
Yo, FSM Dude!
Would you be nice enough to get the Insane Clown Posse,
Together in Toledo Oh USA.
So that Jimothy and I can proceed with our plan to overthrow Detroit.
Thanks FSM Dude.
It will also help keep Jimothy’s mind on something besides what he’s thinking about now, FSM.
He’s to young to drink, poor guy is left to think!
Please do the right thing here FSM Dude. That other god Dude, doesn’t do crap for us.
Thanks again!
Ramen, Ramen
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yes, please FSM Dude, please let us overthrow Detroit. maybe I can give a subdivision to her mom as a peace offering!:P
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@Petey
“Pixely dude! Can you not see that shoveling was all part of the plan?
FSM is trying to make you stronger for the taking of Albany!”
I should’ve seen it all along! Your wisdom humbles me o great Petey :P
RAmen
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hahaha.
It’s wasn’t me Pixely Dude! FSM decided that one.
Me and Jimothy are going to take Detroit,
Soon as FSM sets us up. Of course you’re a part of the plan. and Albany is still on the table too!
Just have to keep asking FSM or something, I guess.
Ramen
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ARRRRR! DETROIT BE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!:P
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@Petey
Ah, so we flank Albany and take Detroit.
When do we get to sack York?
RAmen
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@ Pixel
I guess. I dunno when we sack York, but I’ll be there!
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@Jimothy
It’s a joke I made up.
Watch Braveheart, helluva movie, goes great with burritos(dunno why)
They sack York in that movie and send back some guys head to the king of England, it’s pretty sick.
RAmen
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Still no answer from the FSM? Huuummmm.
Maybe we’ll have to contact ICPs PR or something?
If figures, ya want something done…. Gotta do it yourself!
I don’t think we have to worry about York. York Pa?
They’ll fall in line, after we take the big cities!
Ramen
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Ahh, gotca Pixely!
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@ Pixel
love that movie! my mom can’t stand to watch the end though, makes her want to puke:P
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@Petey
It’s not a matter of resistance, you’re just not a pirate till you’ve sacked York.
@Jimothy
Eat some beef and bean burritos while your watching it. I swear it makes you feel more Scottish.
RAmen
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@ Pixel
I’m already part Scottish, and you don’t want me eating that unless we’re using me as a weapon against our enemies. me+beans=weapon of mass destruction:P
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Dang! I leave you kids alone for a half hour, now you’re talking about farts!
Sssseeehhhh!
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@ Pete
thats what happens when ya leave me alone:P
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One-Eyed Jimothy Feb 16th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
@ Pete
thats what happens when ya leave me alone:P
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hahaha.
.
I’ll try not to let that happen again! hahaha
I do have to make a beer run in a minute though, try not to stink the house up!
Ramen
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@ Peter
I can’t promise a damn thing!:P
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hahahaha, Jimothy.
Hey are you into cars at all?
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