hello. I came across your so call WEBSITE as a mistake. ok, I have one question for you. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? How can you honestly believe that spaghetti can have legs, arms, and a pulse at the least bit? Your web site is clearly a joke, and anybody that believes a “thing” can have MEATBALLS for eyes, is clearly disturbed and should seek help immediately. How can you people make such vulgar comments about the catholic and Christian religion? saying that we have to accept that God’s balls are larger than ours? that is clearly disrespectful to all Christians. If you wish to disrespect me, i will disrespect you, by saying that you are all a bunch of LOONS with mental disabilities. Worshiping spaghetti is like worshipping Poland just because they make good water! Oh, and one last thing. tomorrow night, while i am enjoying my wonderful plate of spaghetti, ill make sure i enjoy it. But, you can give me a call next time you see the flying spaghetti monster. I would give you my number, but I can guarantee you wont need it.
-e.f.
what the hell is wrong with you
Published by Bobby Henderson January 30th, 2007 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 402 Comments
402 Responses to “what the hell is wrong with you”
I’m thinking that some Pastafarians who decide that they no longer believe in monsters or monsterism may want to kiss and make up with God. Here’s some advice on how by way of a “burnt offering”. Women often say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and the “all mighty” is no exception.
Leviticus 8:19
“This burned offering was a food offering, and it’s odor was pleasing to the Lord.”
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But what does God eat I hear you say? You may appease your significant other with a box of Belgium chockies but God is not quite so easy to please. Try this one:
Leviticus 8:25-26
“He took the fat, the fat tail, all the fat covering the internal organs, the best part of the liver, the kidneys with the fat on them, the right hind leg. Then he took one loaf of bread from the basket of unleavened bread dedicated to the Lord, one loaf made with oil, and one thin cake, and he put them on top of the fat and the right hind leg.”
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This is the kind of sandwich that God likes. Please note that Ram was used in the above example but Bible Scholars (like me) believe that any animal of the clean non rock badger variety will be ok. If you are watching your weight you are best advised to continue getting sandwiches from Subway…the almighty probably has his own personal trainer.
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Hope this has helped.
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if i want to kill and sacrifice for a blood-soaked monster-god, i’ll go eviscerate my local priest and offer his organs to sweet Cthulhu in hopes of merciful annhialation of the universe. until then, i’ll stick with peace-loving atheism/FSMism, thanks.
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That was not OEJ, I am sure. Please, my friend, think of another “handle”. That one is already taken. You can use One Eyed Fred.
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@Homo narrans
I’m no FSM expert but wouldn’t “eviscerate my local priest and offer his organs to sweet Cthulhu” be in direct contravention of one of the “I’d rather you didn’ts”? Would the FSM punish you or does the FSM turn a blind appendage to breaking his rules?
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Thump, you pissed Alchemist off!
Why didn’t you invite him to your wedding?
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@Thumper
the events described are what i predict would happen should i ever turn from the light of FSM/atheism and take up the following of a blood-drinking interstellar monster such as Cthulhu or the Christian God. since am a pastafarian at the moment, however, i have no cause to do such things.
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Homo narrans . Sorry mate, you can keep Cthulhu and chaos magic. I’m mad enough without it :)
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Thumper. You’re like the Candy Man :). Say your name in the mirror three times and you arrive! How goes it?
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no sweat alchemist, i wasn’t planning on unleashing anything here. though you have to admit…there is a certain noodley quality to those monstrous Old Ones…?
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Quoth The One True Bible:
God 1:1 Figure it out for yourselves.
God 1:2 Don’t pick on people so much.
God 1:3 We’ll talk more when you’re dead.
Discover its awesome power at TheOneTrueBible.com.
Tithe often.
God
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@Alchemist
Nice to see you again. I have 40 cm ears that burn when people talk about me. Who said what and when? Otherwise I am well and alive…evidence that the Lord approves of what I’m doing here among the sinners.
@Lolli
Huh??? Wedding??? It warms my heart to see that you are well and in the condition that I last left you.
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@Thumper: You know, your marriage to MIKE.
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What were the two of you thinking, not inviting anyone from here after spending so much time on this site?
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It really was a huge disappointment.
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@Greenbeard
Oh I see…been too busy to read over old posts so this delightfully engaging piece of wit escaped my notice…how was the wedding anyway? Did Mike wear white?…I’m guessing white’s not Mike’s colour. If Mike and I do decide to tie the knot you’ll be the first to know…fortunately being a rabid “fundy” I can’t live with him or “get funky” until we’re married and his surgery is finalised.
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Homo narrans. hahaha. Yeah, Cthulhu does have a certain noodle like appearance. Bit too scary for me though. I’ll stick to, well, the floor if I don’t do some housework soon :)
Ooh, full moon, I feel the urge to howl! Oooooooow
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Thump, how many of you are in there anyway?
And how do you fit with all those oars?
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@ Alchemist
“I’ll stick to, well, the floor if I don’t do some housework soon :)”
I’ve heard, that if you bind the appropriate wet cloths to a crawling baby’s hands and knees, it can do an excellent job of cleaning the floor.
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JonL. Hahahahaha. I’ll have to borrow the neighbours kid then. Mine has four legs and barks a lot :)
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@Lolli P
Q: What’s the difference between a tree?
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A: An icecream because it doesn’t have windows.
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Thump.
Your wit and smartfulness really impresses me.
If I wern’t watching tv, I’d discuss with you, just stick around we’ll chat.
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Ooh, ooh. Time for my favourite (clean) joke, again.
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Soccer score
Real Madrid, 1 : Surreal Madrid, fish
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Thank you, thank you. No, your too kind. The applause is deafening me :)
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@Thumper Feb 1st, 2007 at 6:49 pm
Don’t you think that is getting a little too deep?
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@Lolli
“Your wit and smartfulness really impresses me.”
Honestly I’m touched…After you’ve finished watching your re runs of “America’s Biggest Loser” perhaps you could give me your thoughts on Proverbs 12:10
“A good man takes care of his animals, but wicked men are cruel to theirs”…do you think that this would apply to unclean animals like a rock badger or a mythical animal like the FSM?
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Ok, my tv show is over, lets discuss.
BTW, Hi Nikkiee, hope you’re doing Ok.
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Thump, you shouldn’t call yourself an animal.
Is that what your parents told you you were?
That would explain a lot! It would!
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@Lolli
Alas I am not who you think I am…I’m just me. I can’t specifically recall whether my parents called me an animal growing up but the lingerie model says it a lot…is this bad??? Should I leave her for Mike??? Is that offer for you to bear my bastard children still open??? What would God say??? What would the FSM say???
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Thump, I know who you are. I think you should run with the offer from Mike.
I’ll wager he’s prettier then your Langoler model.
IIRC, those langoleirs were kind of ugly.
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@Lolli
I’m not Wench Nikkiee if that’s what you’re suggesting…she’s way smarter then me. Who am I then?…and what’s a “Langoler/Langoleir”??? I’d stay and chat but you’re not making any sense again. Were you exposed to any experimental weapons during your time in the service? You know…some kind of heat ray or Jacobs Ladder style combat drugs???
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Thumper. Not too sure about Mike! I think you could do better. The rectal damage alone! Reconsider. Stick with what you know!
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Run off now hoppie, again I’ll say I know who you are.
Why did you think I called you Nikkiee? I adressed Cap’n Fly,
when I said hi, or are you Cap’n Fly too?
Anyway, yeah run off now, I’m sure things are pressing.
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@Homo Narrans: ‘there is a certain noodley quality to those monstrous Old Ones…’
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I’ve noticed this too. Could it be that the FSM is older than the God of the Bible? I’m sure most of us always thought that this was the case, but what a shock for the Jesus Christers!!!
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I will Paypal, three dollars and forty seven cents USD.
To the first person that brings a fundie to this site.
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Ok here’s the deal. Anyone that knows me on this site knows that i don’t go spouting off at the lip and talking shit to people just because i’m online and know they can’t do anything about it. But i’m about to do a little braging. I graduated from Clemson University in South Carolina. I’ll admit that my degree doesn’t mean much, but one thing i learnded at Clemson was how to drink.
There has been alot of talk about drinking people under the table. Normally i’m not one to brag or talk shit online, but i’m pretty sure i can take just about anybody. I spent more time playing asshole and fuck the dealer and beer pong and flip cup than i ever spent studying.
I know i can’t prove anything online… but once we get our pirate ship i challange anyone who is willing to a drinking contest. We can start with power hour and go from there. Anyone that can survive power hour and still drink deserves to be in the ring. I anxiously await any challenges that may arise. Good day wenches and gentlemen.
Dr. Worm
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hahaha
Your on, Dr Worm!
I spent half my life in the roman catholic church!
I’ll drink your ass into next tuesday!
hahaha
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It seems to me that we are beginning to develop two “tendencies†here. The first I would call “Tolerationist†which says that there’s nothing wrong with your religion so long as you don’t try to stuff it down my throat and the second is the “Dawkinsian†which says that all religion is pernicious and should be opposed when and wherever it is found.
There are problems with both positions.
So far as the Tolerationists are concerned do you allow the religious to brainwash their children or is it (like sex) something parents should only do behind closed doors?
If you think about it sex is natural and satisfying (or should be) whereas religion closes the mind, teaches an unjustified superiority complex (all religions claim to exclusively know “The Truthâ€) and has a history of persecution and proselytising (ok Judaism doesn’t actively proselytise and I don’t call Theravadan Buddhism a religion, it’s a philosophy). Yet if parents had sex in front of their children even a tenth as often as most of them talk about religion they’d be locked up as paedophiles or have the kids taken into “care†(kidnapped by the state would be more accurate).
So is the above something the Tolerationists are prepared to tolerate or is there a limit to their toleration of religious practice?
The “Dawkinsians†however are in danger of being accused of precisely the type of fundamentalism which we so deplore in the christian fundies. The big problem is that if we admit that religion should be opposed (as RD himself argues) is it legitimate to categorically attack other opinions that people may hold? The answer should be “No†because if I think the Grateful Dead are better than Frank Zappa it merely reveals that I’ve taken too many drugs but nobody’s going to get burned at the stake for it. (OK The Dead’s tunes are better but Zappa was a far greater musician believe me).
But if you admit that it is possible to make an exception to things that you’re going to be cool about, ie single out religion for your active opposition there is a danger of becoming like those single-issue politicians that nobody takes seriously.
I don’t know what the answer is but the question seems worth raising.
BTW does anyone else think we should find a name for them which doesn’t contain the word “Fun†(perhaps just the ’mentals) ’cos the ones who post on here are no fun at all (except for taunting)
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is it legitimate to categorically attack other opinions that people may hold? The answer should be “Noâ€
It depends if said opinions infringe on the rights of others or not. I support the right of anyone to believe whatever shit they like, but they shouldn’t be tolerated sticking it down anyone’s throat – mine, yours or their children’s. But the thing is that their beliefs directly go against that, because the ‘mentals (i like the name) beliefs include actively forcing it on other people. There’s no real way to reconcile my live and let live strategy with what they try to do.
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I’ve always thought fund a mental was appropriate. The cult leaders are always asking for money.
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YAY… another lover of the good stuff! I haven’t heard much Zappa (but have seen that crazy dvd with the claymation… WOW), but FSMdang, the Grateful Dead are the bee’s knees, monkey’s uncle, and donkey’s testicles!
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On BobfromEngland
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You have sex in front of your kids???
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:D A good point, but not exactly right, for 1 these are two ends of a spectrum, it’s not black and white, I’d like to think I stand between those 2 points, I don’t like kids to be forced into religion, but I don’t fully side with Dawkins…
…RAmen…
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@Jingles Feb 2nd, 2007 at 5:26 am
“but FSMdang, the Grateful Dead are the bee’s knees, monkey’s uncle, and donkey’s testicles!”
But not quite the Mothers of Invention!
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I am pretty tolerant, up to certain points. I don’t care if people go to church on sunday or believe in some god or the other. But my tolerance ends when they try and force it on me, or when they try to stop me from going out on sunday because it is a “holy” day. THEN I will stop being tolerant and charge back.
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I mean, i’m tolerant of people believing abortion or gay mariage is evil, people do have a right to opinions about it (whether i agree with their opinion or not)(i don’t). I draw the line however at people trying to stop others from having one, or getting married because it is against their beliefs.
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I am always a bit against trying to make me choose between one or the other. There are more colours than black and white.
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I will follow the trail of his sauceyness, in hopes of being touched by his noodly appendage. Might I ask some of you have seen him, so I have a heads up on where to go?
RAmen
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@Popoff your on!!! This should be a good match. My ex girlfriend was catholic and she could drink like a fish. You people are a credit to drinkers everywhere. Just name your terms and preferred games and get ready to have your ass handed to you.
Drunk Worm
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I think Hell is Nebraska…
I’ve heard it’s pretty boring there, and no one said Hell absolutely had to be torturous maybe it’s just boring.
Either Nebraska is Hell or it’s the edge of the world, and you will fall off if you drive through.
RAmen
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OR…Hell is Woodland High School. You know, the food sucks, Satan calls the cops after every fight, your not allowed to hang up signs, and the food just plain sucks.
RAmen
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I think I’d rather go to Hell than Heaven.
In every other religion Heaven is perfect, and after awile perfection gets boring.
At least in Hell there’s something going on, surre it’s endless torture, but torture never gets boring…
Unless it is in Nebraska.
RAmen
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A drinking contest between Lolli and Dr. Worm eh? I know who my money’s on. Can I join in? I could represent England, it’s our National Sport!
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“after awile perfection gets boring.”
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it’s one of those little things that no christian ever seems to take into account. when things are in a state of sheer perfection, there’s no impetus to do anything at all. every human action is, at some level, driven by the desire for change one’s circumstances. if there was no reason to alter anything, however, what does that leave you with? an eternity of boring, static subservience.
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@Alchemist-absolutey you can join, the more participants in a drinking contest the better. Although i have to admit i think you might have a slight advantage coming from england. Although if you look it up, Clemson is usaully in the top five party schools in many of the polls out there, including playboy i think. And while i was there i majored in drinking. So bring it on chumps, i’m willing to kill every last brain cell to win. The great thing about drinking contests is that there are no losers, everyone ends up drunk.
you just name the time and the place (as long as its on a weekend and in greenville SC) and i’ll be there. (BTW i have mostly Irish blood so watch out) Later fellas!
Dr.Worm
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Worshipping Poland…Actually, if I wasn’t a devout Pastafarian, that’d be a pretty awesome religion. Mmmhmm.
I hope that the FSM reaches you with His Noodly Appendage, my poor, uneducated friend.
RAmen
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been busy and so have you all on here, so i’ll include the bit i’m replying to to make it pertinent:
Iron Gill Kid:”…“If we concede that a deist is harmless, and entiltled to hold his beliefs how can you then criticise a more extreme believer?†Because there IS a difference between the two. The first diest isn’t bothering you or anyone else. The second diest is. Everyone has the right to believe whatever they want, until they try to push it on others. You don’t have to like, or even respect their beliefs. You can absolutly abhore them. For instance, I loathe what the KKK think, and couldn’t respect them LESS if I tried–but until they come to my door and start ranting they have the right to think what they think…”
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Difficult as it is, i’m going to disagree here. You are arguing from the result of a belief rather than the cause. Essentially stating one belief is ok, even though based on a fallacy, because you find the result of it morally and socially acceptable. this is subjective and dependant on your point of view. Why should one belief that is based on superstitious nonsense be tolerated more than another? I see that you base your criteria basically on “are they bothering anyone?” or the pagan “do what thou wilt, so long as it harms none”. nice warm fuzzy sentimental feeling, but entirely subjective on the person being “bothered”. My argument is based from a first principle, it is blatantly untrue, yet portrays itself as truth, moreover they claim to be the one real truth. This should be exposed, countered, and argued against. it matters not a jot whether they quietly hum in a corner, or shout about it on a high street. It is a lie, and they seek to perpetuate it.
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So we can conclude that even FSM Heaven will eventually get boring. I mean Beer and Strippers are fun and all but not for the rest of eternity. Maybe if the great FSM upgraded Heaven every now and then, things could get a little more interesting.
Oh and as for Hell…
You can’t say FSM has no reason to punish people. Look at this world, it’s crap, there’s plenty of people to fill up Hell. How about this we send them all to boring Heaven, and we’ll take the more exciting Hell.
RAmen
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