hello. I came across your so call WEBSITE as a mistake. ok, I have one question for you. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? How can you honestly believe that spaghetti can have legs, arms, and a pulse at the least bit? Your web site is clearly a joke, and anybody that believes a “thing” can have MEATBALLS for eyes, is clearly disturbed and should seek help immediately. How can you people make such vulgar comments about the catholic and Christian religion? saying that we have to accept that God’s balls are larger than ours? that is clearly disrespectful to all Christians. If you wish to disrespect me, i will disrespect you, by saying that you are all a bunch of LOONS with mental disabilities. Worshiping spaghetti is like worshipping Poland just because they make good water! Oh, and one last thing. tomorrow night, while i am enjoying my wonderful plate of spaghetti, ill make sure i enjoy it. But, you can give me a call next time you see the flying spaghetti monster. I would give you my number, but I can guarantee you wont need it.
-e.f.
what the hell is wrong with you
Published by Bobby Henderson January 30th, 2007 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 402 Comments
402 Responses to “what the hell is wrong with you”
@ e.f
hello. I came across your so call WEBSITE as a mistake. ok, I have one question for you. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? How can you honestly believe that spaghetti can have legs, arms, and a pulse at the least bit? Your web site is clearly a joke, and anybody that believes a “thing†can have MEATBALLS for eyes, is clearly disturbed and should seek help immediately. How can you people make such vulgar comments about the catholic and Christian religion? saying that we have to accept that God’s balls are larger than ours? that is clearly disrespectful to all Christians. If you wish to disrespect me, i will disrespect you, by saying that you are all a bunch of LOONS with mental disabilities. Worshiping spaghetti is like worshipping Poland just because they make good water! Oh, and one last thing. tomorrow night, while i am enjoying my wonderful plate of spaghetti, ill make sure i enjoy it. But, you can give me a call next time you see the flying spaghetti monster. I would give you my number, but I can guarantee you wont need it.
-e.f.
As a mistake? I bet you send the same kind of hate mail to the altar boy porn sites to happen to stumble across…
ok, I have one question for you. Why is your mental capacity diminished to the point where you can’t differentiate between a joke and seriousness?
“Your website is clearly a joke” obviously not if you’re making a big deal out of it I guess, thump a bible?
Lol, well we can make vulgar or disrespectful comments because a good deal of them are in retaliation to hate mail we receive, and the rest is merely the truth. Ouch, lay off of the mentally disabled, using a group of disadvantaged people as an insult isn’t very christian-like. That is clearly disrespectful to all mentally disabled people. Hypocrite? Worshipping something which cannot be proven or rationally justified in it’s teachings is like worshipping Bush just because he says “we’re american so we’ll win”.
Lol okay? Have fun I guess, because we all obviously abhor eating sopaghetti when we never really said that… ace research skills =]. I could give my number so you could call me next time you come across a website and feel the need to send them hate-mail because of your own mistake, but you would probably be tying up my phone line 24/7. & I’m a supple young boy and I know how you religious zealots are into that kind of thing. & I’m not in the habit of calling older males I don’t actually know, so thanks I guess.
May You Be Touched By His Noodly Appendage
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@ earthrise
they havent converted because they are too drunk on their holy blood wine
~The Red Headed One
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
The Moronic European is back with posts full of wit!
@EarthRise: not everything, but a lot is wrong in the US
@beast from the east: you’re very entertaining
@JonL: JonL Jan 30th, 2007 at 7:17 pm “Is it really necessary to copy and paste a whole post to reference it?” i’m afraid it is necessary
@Geologist: the pastafarian community didn’t start swearing, being rude and disrespectful. i wish all hardcore-christians of any kind/republicans/whatever (you know what i mean) would be as rational as you are
@e.f.: poland doesn’t make good water. you’ll find good water in the alps and in the scandinavian countries (you know….the area where ikea, nokia and kopparberg cider are from)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Katsu
speculation? cuz if its not, we need to spam them
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
He does realize that nobody makes water it just kinda bubbles up out of the grounds or falls from the sky when the fsm seeks to reward his followers.
.
.
Why does everybody think its an insult to Pastafarian’s to eat spaghetti. Its out bloody communion meal way superior to the Christian wafer.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Raz “I’m a supple young boy and I know how you religious zealots are into that kind of thing. ”
.
Phew, I wouldn’t say that. MIKE will be dribbling now :)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Alchemist
Haha, ya true, it’s not really an invitation, it’s just to provoke a response. Unless he doesn’t want to come dispute his views with us… =[ if he actually took a look at the site he would know his e-mail would be put up for target practice.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@The Moronic European Jan 30th, 2007 at 7:56 pm
“@JonL: JonL Jan 30th, 2007 at 7:17 pm “Is it really necessary to copy and paste a whole post to reference it?†i’m afraid it is necessary”
.
Hmm…ok then…looks like I’m a little out of touch with the latest fashions at the CoFSM these days.
RAmen
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@ The Moronic European.
I remember you from the last time… You’re a fucking moron.
I remember now.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Raz. “Unless he doesn’t want to come dispute his views with us”
.
I’m sure he’d like to do some of that sentence {evil grin}. snigger, snigger.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Why can’t these people understand that the Flying Spagetti Monster is no threat to their own religion. I don’t think anyone has recorded what God looks like, so why couldn’t it be the Flying Spagetti Monster?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
JonL. Don’t worry. I’m a bugger for short and sweet myself. Unless it’s a dirty joke or wild …hehehe.
.
Moronic European. Sorry if I was a bit short with you last time. I’m only 5′10″ and can’t help the way I was born. Seriously, looked back at my posts and I came over as a complete wanker. I still think you were wrong but I know I was a bit of a tit.
Mooo!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Alchemist
Lol, unless he doesn’t want to come debate with us.*
My last one didn’t make sense =]
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@JonL
short really is better. but like i said before, its fun to copy whole comments
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Alchemist
Lmfao, I just got that. I’m sure he probably would, I guess we know why he’ll be enjoying his pasta.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
tomorrow night, while i am enjoying my wonderful plate of spaghetti, ill |*make sure i enjoy it*|
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
So anyway, come on and charm us with your wit, The Moronic European.
I’ve been waiting since the last time!
I’m pretty sure The Wiggiles are looking for another front man.
Knock them up friend.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
1. Like everyone said, learn too use grammar! its da bomb yo!
2. OUR god’s balls are bigger than YOUR gods.
3. All of us will be eating spaghetti on Friday. Its like when you eat bread and drink wine in church.
4. Look at all of the pictures on the website, that is why we do not need your phone number.
5. He does not use His meatballs as eyes, He uses His EYES as eyes.
6. Poland DOES make good water!
7. I, personally, feel that all the christian views are offensive to this religion.
RAmen
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Almost forgot…
Using Jingles patented F**kwit Finder â„¢
.
Capitalized handle; Negative.
Overuse of capslock; Half check.
Alternating upper/lower case; Negative.
Incorrect grammar; Check.
Incorrect spelling; Check.
Threats of burning in hell, divine vengeance, etc; Negative.
Lowbrow insults; Check.
Lowbrow insults of our god; Check.
Accusations of homosexuality; Negative.
Threats of rape, physical violence, oars, etc; Negative.
Scored 4.5
4-6: A Nitwit; Likely seeking attention, may not necessarily mean to irritate, but is not aware of proper forum etiquette, and so comes across badly. With patient councilling, and the occasional application of a large blunt object, subject may be cured.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Pasta be upon you friend. The FSM taught us that when someone strikes you in the meatball to turn the other meatball to him and sauce and cheese.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
O.K. this is my first post on this hollowed website (And as far as I can tell this is a web site. . .and Lawdry, one of my favorites) I would like to pose a question. What if this is his Wiggly-appendage-pastaness-with eye stocks’ way of testing the faithful by posting the hate mail? Kinda like when the Christian God tested his faithful by burying dinosaur bones all around and yet they never showed up in the bible. Just to be on the safe side I am going to enjoy (Garlic) bread, wine and heaps of pasta tonight and wear two pirate outfits to bed. . .
If your not a pastafarian then you are suicidal and need to seek help,
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I still have not gotten your phone number, e.f. Are you afraid to have your bluff called? I am asking again, SEND ME YOUR NUMBER because I have undeniable proof of the FSM’s existence. Are you a pansy? Are you gay and afraid to come out? Well, guess what — GAYS ARE COOL and so is everyone else so get a life and live it with us!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
To all the people who threaten to eat my god. Mind if I join you? I love eating my god. It may sound a bit kinky, but he tastes so delicious, and guess what? He actually likes being eaten. In fact, the word ‘good’ was originally pronouned the way Homer Simpson would say ‘god’ if he were eating a god–especially when it’s the FSM. Because God taste d so delicious it made him say: MMMM. GO-O-O-O-O-D!! and thus the word ‘good’ was formed because nobody knew how to spell ‘god’ with an extended ‘o’ sound without giving it the ‘oo’ sound.
.
So there.
.
St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Extended Vowel Sounds
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@e.f.
You came across this website as a mistake? You could have employed the back button in your browser, you know. That’s what it’s for.
.
“Your website is clearly a joke.” It should be clear, but apparently fools like you seem to take it literally. Find out what the word “satire” means, then reread the webpage.
.
How can we make vulgar comments about the Christian and Catholic religions? Easy. Look at what you just wrote. A religion is what its followers practice. I can respect the Christians and Catholics who are kind-hearted, peaceful, and caring people, who actually read their bibles and learn that their god was tolerant of everyone. I don’t share their beliefs, and I even consider their beliefs nonsensical at times, but I respect them as people. I can’t abide the Christians who take a holier-than-thou attitude when it comes to dealing with pastafarians, agnostics, and atheists. Didn’t your own god spend his time with tax collectors, prostitutes, and the man he knew would one day betray him to his grizzly death? Didn’t he tolerate Satan’s company without even resorting to angry language (Matthew: 4:1-11)? If Jesus could tolerate them, you can tolerate sharing the Internet with us.
.
Even though I don’t love Christianity, I like true Christians, and you, e.f., seem unworthy of that title.
-Avatar of Reason
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Hello. Your site is very good.I like what i can find your site.I say to all my friends about your site.Very interesting and informative site.Thanks!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Woo! The F**kWit Finder (TM) gets its second outing.
.
@e.f
You sir, are a nitwit. Shape up, or sod off.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Welcome aboard Elise! Grab some grog and spaghetti! Yarrrr
RAmen.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
“…How can you people make such vulgar comments about the catholic and Christian religion?…”
Because they are vulgar:
defn. [dictionary.com]
1. characterized by ignorance of or lack of good breeding or taste: vulgar ostentation…
7. lacking in distinction, aesthetic value, or charm; banal; ordinary: a vulgar painting.
–noun…
.
if you need me to justify these just shout. So ef, you want bolognese sauce with your words as you eat them?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
“But, you can give me a call next time you see the flying spaghetti monster.”
And you can call ME next time you see god. Oh wait… that’s not supposed to happen is it? Shouldn’t it be more likely that I see the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Hmm… well, I guess I can guarantee that you aren’t going to need my phone number.
cheers
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I forgot to say something about your “meatballs for eyes” line. We don’t believe that he has meatballs for eyes, although that would be pretty cool. Even if we did, who are you to comment on it? Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t you believe all of the following?
-Satan, an angel who turned bad, was cast out of heaven for angering his infinitely merciful god so much that god refused to be merciful. (Christian Oral Tradition)
-Snakes used to have legs, didn’t have forked tongues, and lived in a time when self-aware humans didn’t exist (they hadn’t eaten from the tree of knowledge). Regardless, dinosaurs can’t have ever existed. (Genesis 3)
-God is all good, even when he orders us to commit genocide against the Amelekites.
-Cain found a wife, even though he was exiled from the land of his family, and his mother and father were the only humans on earth at the time. (Genesis 4)
-Lot was a good person even though he offered to let an entire city mob rape his daughters. (Genesis 19)
-Lots daughters were good people even though they got him drunk and slept with him. (Genesis 19)
-Methusalah lived to be 969 years old. (Genesis 5)
-Noah managed to get 2 members of every species of animal on his boat (except sea creatures), including bacteria, lethal parasites, and animals that didn’t live near him (including lions and polar bears). (Genesis 6)
-God feels threatened when mortals attempt to kill him with iron weapons, despite being immortal and lacking a corporeal form. (Genesis 11)
-Joseph could predict the future. (Genesis 40-41)
If you believe all of that, meatball’s with light receptors seems quite reasonable.
-Avatar of Reason
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Navigator Spider:
Good line about e.f. eating his words with bolognese sauce. It was very funny.
Actually, even if I’m not wrong about my claims I’d like to try that recepie. Anything with bolognese sauce is good.
-Avatar of Reason
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@ Jingles!
I need a copy of your patented Fuckwit finder! What are the other scores?
It is excellent!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Nice post Avatar! Lots of good points :)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Thank you very much, Booty.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I’ve been sailing the net curious as ever. Is there a chatroom dedicated to pastafarians? my search could do with a treasure map or two to help steer a course….
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Booty; enjoy :P
.
0-2: A Wit; Intelligent, reasonable, polite and respectable. High likelihood of a reasoned belief system, and serves as a credit to the human race.
.
2-4: A Wit in a Fit; While they may normally be a decent poster, they are either irritated, excited, or otherwise unfocused, allowing slightly more than the occasional slip to occur.
.
4-6: A Nitwit; Likely seeking attention, may not necessarily mean to irritate, but is not aware of proper forum etiquette, and so comes across badly. With patient councilling, and the occasional application of a large blunt object, subject may be cured.
.
6-7: Dimwit; Not overly violent or aggressive, but is nevertheless a troll, an inbred hillbilly, or an above average-intelligence fundamentalist. They are on the absolue edge of redeemability. With extreme electroshock, elocation & deportment lessons, and substantial severe blunt-force trauma, could be upgraded to a nitwit.
.
7-8: A Twit; Annoying, loud, cannot use even simple words… what we have here is the Twit. Beyond redemption, these sorry excuses for humanity can be found primarily in years 7-9 of primary/secondary education, and behind the pulpit in Pentecostal churches. Avoid if possible. If unavoidable, bring a big stick. Thankfully, due to short attention spans, these specimens will generally depart after a single post.
.
8-9: The Shit; Sets out from the off to be an absolute monkey scrotum. Unable to take a hint, this is the sort of poster who will haunt a thread for as long as their attention span holds. While not a long term poster, they can clog a thread for up to an hour in severe cases. If encountered virtually, non-engagement is advised. If encountered physically, use a shotgun.
.
9-9.5: Mimic; what we have here is the stereotype troll. At first glance, will appear a complete fuckwit, however, closer inspection will reveal telltale hints that this is actually an educated poster (Nitwit or better) imitating the lower-order troll lifeform. Should they get annoying, utilising their real name will likely end the display.
.
10: The granddaddy of them all, the complete and utter Fuckwit; Few and far between, these few are talked about with hushed voices. Going down in forum legend, their names will be forever uttered as a byword for all things troll. Easily capable of devouring a website for weeks on end, any challenge makes them stronger, any attention makes them bolder. Be warned, for their sign is L337, their marker is spam. If encountered in multiple numbers, can murder a thread beyond salvage. This is the anti-Cheesus. Run while you still can.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Heres a little insight into the workings of e.f’s mind moments prior to sending her opinion-
Hmmmmm…a church site…wait a minute…A CHURCH SITE NOT DEDICATED TO MY SPECIFIC AND ARBITRARY INTERPRETATION OF GOD??!! BLASPHEMY!…Now to send an angry letter to insult the chillingly similar beliefs of hundreds of people I have never met. Yes…yes…has legs, arms and a pulse…absurd. Hmmmm…meatballs for eyes also. Hang on, this submission doesn’t make any sense….
Must…present…aptly…constructed….criticism….ARRRGGHHHHHHHHHHH! Can’t hold back nonsensical jibberish! Flooding the screen! I’m going to look like a complete tool! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! *submit*
FSM be praised for his noodlyness and lack of legs, arms and a pulse.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Blasphemy!!! FSM’s eyes are NOT meatballs!
RAmen
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Nothing wrong with me…don’t know about Mary though!
Especially like the urinals :)
“Top 10 List: Reasons Mary Can’t Stop Blubbering”
http://godlesswonder.blogspot.com/2005/11/top-10-list-reasons-mary-cant-stop.html
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Booty Jan 31st, 2007 at 1:47 am , It’s also under the files heading of the non-existent disciples of FSM page.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
how can you honestly believe in a ball of flying spaghetti? it is not a “god” of any sort, what it is, is a joke. Im not one for blaspheming against others religions, but this is the stupidest religion ive ever heard of since scientology.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I’ve had some *top class* water from Poland – I recommend it. A couple of shots of that stuff and you’re set up for the evening.
RAmen
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Anonymous. You think FSM and Scientology are stupid? Read the Book of Mormon. Or the Bible. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Incredibly, logic-defyingly, irrationally stupid.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Poland Springs water is from Maine.
So really, you’re the stupid one. You eider.
I don’t think this can be said enough, but some people should not reproduce if they will bring children into the world who cannot discern satire. It hurts my soul that there are such fools, and worse yet, they breed in droves.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Okay. I’m a Christian, but you right-wing American fundamentalist quacks really piss me off. You give Christianity a bad name throwing around your arrogant, “we know better than you” shit. The truth is no one knows the truth! All our beliefs are equally valid in society. It is our own faith in what we believe which sets us apart. I, for example, believe that people who do not follow my set of beliefs (that there is a God, Jesus died for sins, fundamentalist Christianity) are going to Hell. However, despite my own evangelism I do NOT attempt to force my opinion on anyone.
So, in short; you, sir, are a cunt of the highest order.
Go get a life and stop being such an idiot you racist Southern hick!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I’ve seen some really offensive paintings and renditiopns of JESUS – is there a place I can call, write, email, post my complaints about how he’s portrayed; his eyes look like meatballs, how awful? Because I know damn well that Jesus is my gardener, I am watching him work now.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Chris, i love the turn of phrase, succinctly put. it may be worth considering however that the only difference between the hicks and yourself is how you put yourself across. i think you’ll find the whole “you’re all going to hell for not believing..”thing gets little sympathy here. whilst i applaud your tact and diplomacy if find your reasoning and rationality severly lacking…
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Interesting perspective, Mr. Hately. welcome aboard!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
as Nav Spider has warned, however, your beliefs are likely to find little sympathy here. your civility and ability to express your opinions will be welcomed, though, i’m sure.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Hi Chris. Co. Durham eh? My dad’s from your neck of the woods. Well said!
One question though. You said “However, despite my own evangelism I do NOT attempt to force my opinion on anyone.”
.
How do you define evangelism?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0