what the hell is wrong with you

Published by henderob January 30th, 2007 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism).

hello. I came across your so call WEBSITE as a mistake. ok, I have one question for you. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? How can you honestly believe that spaghetti can have legs, arms, and a pulse at the least bit? Your web site is clearly a joke, and anybody that believes a “thing” can have MEATBALLS for eyes, is clearly disturbed and should seek help immediately. How can you people make such vulgar comments about the catholic and Christian religion? saying that we have to accept that God’s balls are larger than ours? that is clearly disrespectful to all Christians. If you wish to disrespect me, i will disrespect you, by saying that you are all a bunch of LOONS with mental disabilities. Worshiping spaghetti is like worshipping Poland just because they make good water! Oh, and one last thing. tomorrow night, while i am enjoying my wonderful plate of spaghetti, ill make sure i enjoy it. But, you can give me a call next time you see the flying spaghetti monster. I would give you my number, but I can guarantee you wont need it.
-e.f.

399 Responses to “what the hell is wrong with you”

1. 81 - January 31st, 2007 at 1:27 am - Avatar of Reason Says:
   
   

   @Navigator Spider:
   Good line about e.f. eating his words with bolognese sauce. It was very funny.
   Actually, even if I’m not wrong about my claims I’d like to try that recepie. Anything with bolognese sauce is good.
   -Avatar of Reason

2. 82 - January 31st, 2007 at 1:47 am - Booty Says:
   
   

   @ Jingles!
   I need a copy of your patented Fuckwit finder! What are the other scores?
   It is excellent!

3. 83 - January 31st, 2007 at 1:55 am - Booty Says:
   
   

   Nice post Avatar! Lots of good points :)

4. 84 - January 31st, 2007 at 2:32 am - Avatar of Reason Says:
   
   

   Thank you very much, Booty.

5. 85 - January 31st, 2007 at 3:26 am - Navigator Spider Says:
   
   

   I’ve been sailing the net curious as ever. Is there a chatroom dedicated to pastafarians? my search could do with a treasure map or two to help steer a course….

6. 86 - January 31st, 2007 at 5:08 am - Jingles Says:
   
   

   @Booty; enjoy :P
   .
   0-2: A Wit; Intelligent, reasonable, polite and respectable. High likelihood of a reasoned belief system, and serves as a credit to the human race.
   .
   2-4: A Wit in a Fit; While they may normally be a decent poster, they are either irritated, excited, or otherwise unfocused, allowing slightly more than the occasional slip to occur.
   .
   4-6: A Nitwit; Likely seeking attention, may not necessarily mean to irritate, but is not aware of proper forum etiquette, and so comes across badly. With patient councilling, and the occasional application of a large blunt object, subject may be cured.
   .
   6-7: Dimwit; Not overly violent or aggressive, but is nevertheless a troll, an inbred hillbilly, or an above average-intelligence fundamentalist. They are on the absolue edge of redeemability. With extreme electroshock, elocation & deportment lessons, and substantial severe blunt-force trauma, could be upgraded to a nitwit.
   .
   7-8: A Twit; Annoying, loud, cannot use even simple words… what we have here is the Twit. Beyond redemption, these sorry excuses for humanity can be found primarily in years 7-9 of primary/secondary education, and behind the pulpit in Pentecostal churches. Avoid if possible. If unavoidable, bring a big stick. Thankfully, due to short attention spans, these specimens will generally depart after a single post.
   .
   8-9: The Shit; Sets out from the off to be an absolute monkey scrotum. Unable to take a hint, this is the sort of poster who will haunt a thread for as long as their attention span holds. While not a long term poster, they can clog a thread for up to an hour in severe cases. If encountered virtually, non-engagement is advised. If encountered physically, use a shotgun.
   .
   9-9.5: Mimic; what we have here is the stereotype troll. At first glance, will appear a complete fuckwit, however, closer inspection will reveal telltale hints that this is actually an educated poster (Nitwit or better) imitating the lower-order troll lifeform. Should they get annoying, utilising their real name will likely end the display.
   .
   10: The granddaddy of them all, the complete and utter Fuckwit; Few and far between, these few are talked about with hushed voices. Going down in forum legend, their names will be forever uttered as a byword for all things troll. Easily capable of devouring a website for weeks on end, any challenge makes them stronger, any attention makes them bolder. Be warned, for their sign is L337, their marker is spam. If encountered in multiple numbers, can murder a thread beyond salvage. This is the anti-Cheesus. Run while you still can.

7. 87 - January 31st, 2007 at 5:13 am - Rortatious Says:
   
   

   Heres a little insight into the workings of e.f’s mind moments prior to sending her opinion-

   Hmmmmm…a church site…wait a minute…A CHURCH SITE NOT DEDICATED TO MY SPECIFIC AND ARBITRARY INTERPRETATION OF GOD??!! BLASPHEMY!…Now to send an angry letter to insult the chillingly similar beliefs of hundreds of people I have never met. Yes…yes…has legs, arms and a pulse…absurd. Hmmmm…meatballs for eyes also. Hang on, this submission doesn’t make any sense….
   Must…present…aptly…constructed….criticism….ARRRGGHHHHHHHHHHH! Can’t hold back nonsensical jibberish! Flooding the screen! I’m going to look like a complete tool! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! *submit*

   FSM be praised for his noodlyness and lack of legs, arms and a pulse.

8. 88 - January 31st, 2007 at 5:39 am - Jamie Lynn Says:
   
   

   Blasphemy!!! FSM’s eyes are NOT meatballs!

   RAmen

9. 89 - January 31st, 2007 at 6:30 am - JonL Says:
   
   

   Nothing wrong with me…don’t know about Mary though!
   Especially like the urinals :)
   “Top 10 List: Reasons Mary Can’t Stop Blubbering”
   http://godlesswonder.blogspot.com/2005/11/top-10-list-reasons-mary-cant-stop.html

10. 90 - January 31st, 2007 at 6:49 am - Beastly Rich Says:
    
    

    @Booty Jan 31st, 2007 at 1:47 am , It’s also under the files heading of the non-existent disciples of FSM page.

11. 91 - January 31st, 2007 at 8:07 am - anonymous Says:
    
    

    how can you honestly believe in a ball of flying spaghetti? it is not a “god” of any sort, what it is, is a joke. Im not one for blaspheming against others religions, but this is the stupidest religion ive ever heard of since scientology.

12. 92 - January 31st, 2007 at 8:31 am - S-Punk Says:
    
    

    I’ve had some *top class* water from Poland - I recommend it. A couple of shots of that stuff and you’re set up for the evening.

    RAmen

13. 93 - January 31st, 2007 at 8:36 am - Marc McOar Says:
    
    

    @Anonymous. You think FSM and Scientology are stupid? Read the Book of Mormon. Or the Bible. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Incredibly, logic-defyingly, irrationally stupid.

14. 94 - January 31st, 2007 at 8:53 am - Mountain Born Pirate Witch Says:
    
    

    Poland Springs water is from Maine.

    So really, you’re the stupid one. You eider.

    I don’t think this can be said enough, but some people should not reproduce if they will bring children into the world who cannot discern satire. It hurts my soul that there are such fools, and worse yet, they breed in droves.

15. 95 - January 31st, 2007 at 8:54 am - Mr. Chris(tian) Hately Says:
    
    

    Okay. I’m a Christian, but you right-wing American fundamentalist quacks really piss me off. You give Christianity a bad name throwing around your arrogant, “we know better than you” shit. The truth is no one knows the truth! All our beliefs are equally valid in society. It is our own faith in what we believe which sets us apart. I, for example, believe that people who do not follow my set of beliefs (that there is a God, Jesus died for sins, fundamentalist Christianity) are going to Hell. However, despite my own evangelism I do NOT attempt to force my opinion on anyone.

    So, in short; you, sir, are a cunt of the highest order.

    Go get a life and stop being such an idiot you racist Southern hick!

16. 96 - January 31st, 2007 at 9:35 am - The Church of Olive Garden Says:
    
    

    I’ve seen some really offensive paintings and renditiopns of JESUS - is there a place I can call, write, email, post my complaints about how he’s portrayed; his eyes look like meatballs, how awful? Because I know damn well that Jesus is my gardener, I am watching him work now.

17. 97 - January 31st, 2007 at 9:46 am - Navigator Spider Says:
    
    

    Chris, i love the turn of phrase, succinctly put. it may be worth considering however that the only difference between the hicks and yourself is how you put yourself across. i think you’ll find the whole “you’re all going to hell for not believing..”thing gets little sympathy here. whilst i applaud your tact and diplomacy if find your reasoning and rationality severly lacking…

18. 98 - January 31st, 2007 at 9:48 am - Homo narrans Says:
    
    

    Interesting perspective, Mr. Hately. welcome aboard!

19. 99 - January 31st, 2007 at 9:50 am - Homo narrans Says:
    
    

    as Nav Spider has warned, however, your beliefs are likely to find little sympathy here. your civility and ability to express your opinions will be welcomed, though, i’m sure.

20. 100 - January 31st, 2007 at 9:56 am - Alchemist Says:
    
    

    Hi Chris. Co. Durham eh? My dad’s from your neck of the woods. Well said!
    One question though. You said “However, despite my own evangelism I do NOT attempt to force my opinion on anyone.”
    .
    How do you define evangelism?

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