You’re going to hell for degrading god to a pile of noodles. Have fun burning for an eternity. -Erik Vavro
Pages: « 1 … 13 14 15 16 17 [18] 19 20 21 22 23 … 26 » Show All
Pages: « 1 … 13 14 15 16 17 [18] 19 20 21 22 23 … 26 » Show All
The Church of the FSM is always looking for content. Details here
The Church is funded entirely by your purchases of FSM merchandise. Thank you for your support.
Purchase from
Amazon.com
Purchase from BN.com
An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
Add these buttons to your site:
Bobby's Blog
Contact Bobby: Contact Me
|
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License. This means you're free to use the content but not sell it. More Details |
Alright, so it was a horrible joke. That’s no reason to go all quiet on me…
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
A guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with a duck on his head. The psychiatrist looks at him and says,”My, you seem to have a problem. How may I help you?” The duck says, “I’m alright, but can you get this guy off my ass?” Just a little “What is reality anyway?” humor.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Hahahahaha. Naughty but nice.
Why did the pervert cross the road? He was stuck up the chicken!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
If you’re gonna shag a sheep, take it to the edge of a cliff. It’ll push back better!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
You’re all going to hell!
hahahahaha
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Third base!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
What is the best time of day at the Neverland Ranch?
.
When the big hand meets the little hand.
He did it. Everyone knows it. Sick SOB.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@JonL Feb 3rd, 2007 at 6:33 pm
@TrueBeliever
“it only took 3 days to convert you. That is probably some sort of record for a nonbeliever to become a believerâ€
.
I don’t think bill was a true, true non-believer to start with. Just a little uncertain maybe?
.
have we converted any other kind?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@TrueBeliever Feb 3rd, 2007 at 9:36 pm
“have we converted any other kind?”
Well I’m the eternal optimist so I like to think so :)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Ok, ill give you that. But i think the others dont give us enough of a chance to convert them. I thought we would get Thumper, but he disappeared. And i only thought that for like 5 minutes.
.
no one jump on me for starting a sentance with “and”. I dont feal like fixing it
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I personally love starting a sentence with “And”. What are rules for, if not to be broken?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
well, we attack fundies for their grammar.
kinda weird considering:
Q: Your grammar/spelling/etc is bad.
A: Yah.
so if bobby can, why cant the fundies? other than bobby is special and the fundies are stupid and cant figure out how to work cap locks?
.
btw, not trying to defend the fundies
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
What sort of file turns a 2cm hole into a 4cm hole?
.
.
.
A paedophile!
.
(Works better when you can’t see the spelling)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
A conversation at your local Jewish Synagogue:
Man talking to rabbi: I’ve got a problem and need some advice.
.
Rabbi: What’s the trouble?
.
Man: I have a son that I did everything to raise in the faith. He went to hebrew school, I brought him to temple on the sabath every week, he even had a bar mitzvah. Yesterday he comes to me and says he wants to convert and become a christian.
.
Rabbi: It’s funny you shold come to me about this. I too have a son that I did all I could to raise in the faith. I did all of the things that you did and he too came to me and said that he wanted to convert and become a christian.
.
Man: What did you do about it?
.
Rabbi: I asked God about it.
.
Man: What did God say?
.
Rabbi: He said “It’s funny you should come to me about this…”
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
the joke works better if I spell should correctly both times.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Mad Davy Read
it was funny
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I think we need a blond joke in here. here it is (I have tons of them, but please know I don’t really think blonds are stupid, the jokes are just funny.)
*
A guy gives a blond a cellphone for thier 3 month anniversary. The next day the guy calls the girl while she’s shopping.
The guy says how do you like your new cell phone, honey?
The blond say “I love it! It fits in my purse and a love hearing the sound of your voice so clearly! But how did you know I was in Walmart?”
*
If you want one based on god, imagine this one to music.
The the begining, women had not 2 breasts but three.
But the third little one got in the way so god did surgery.
When god was done Eve looked at him as she held it in her hand,
“What should we do with the useless boob?” So god created man!
*
Bad jokes, I love em! got a million of them.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
yeah, that was quite funny.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Hooray for bad jokes! This is my area of expertise!
.
(similar disclaimer to L’TUAE. I don’t believe in any of the nasty implications of these jokes. In fact, I am a long haired, sandal and tye die wearing lover of humanity. That said, if you accept stereotypes as false but apply them in jokes…well…damn it’s funny.)
.
If a couple in W.Virginia gets a divorce, are they still brother and sister?
.
How do you kow that a Florida Gators football player has a girlfriend?
There is dried tocacco spit on both doors of his pickup truck.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Tobacco, not tocacco. I type so well that I only need to use my 2 index fingers!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Like an old prostitute, I am a-hunt-n-pecker when I attempt to type.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
HAHAHAHAHA.
Old ones now. (similar disclaimer)
.
Two nuns in the bath
“Where’s the soap”
“Yes it does, doesn’t it”
What’s the difference between kinky and perverted.
If you’re kinky you use a feather, not the whole chicken
.
“If you were a gentleman, you wouldn’t make me do this!”
“If you were a lady, you wouldn’t speak with your mouth full!”
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I love the 2 nuns jokes!
.
Birds and what they symbolize:
Liberty – Bald Eagle
Wisdom – The Owl
Peace – Dove
Love – Swan
True Love – Swallow
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Man finds out his wife is having an affair so he hires a hitman.
.
“I want you to blow her head off and blow his balls off”
.
“OK! Thats $100 000 for the wife and $50 000 for the lover.”
.
Couple of days later the man gets a ‘phone call from the hitman.
.
“I’m in position now. I can save you a bit of money though. I can do them both with one shot!”
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Mad Davy. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
2 nuns in the park – a flasher comes up and opens his raincoat in front of them – one had a stroke, but the other one couldn’t quite reach.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
God gave men both brains and penises. Unfortunately, he only gave us enough blood to run one of them at a time. – George Carlin.
.
.
Conversation between God and Adam just before the creation of Eve:
.
Adam: Lord I am bored and lonely. I really like the new diggs and the animals are pretty cool too, but I need a companion. Can you whip up another human please?
.
God: I will create for you a companion. She will be loyal and honest. She will be nurturing and supportive. She will work as your team mate to help accomplish your goals in life and help you to relax in your down time, she will sweeten the air with her presence alone, she will…
.
Adam: Hey God? Sorry to interupt, but what is this going to cost me?
.
God: An arm and a leg.
.
Adam: What can I get for a rib?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
HAHAHAHA!
Hiya Booty :)
What do you do if you see a herd of elephants coming towards you?
Swim for it!
.
What do you do if a Doberman starts humping your leg?
Fake an orgasm!
.
How can you tell when two elephants have been making-out in your kitchen?
There are hoof prints in the butter and the bin bags have gone!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
2
One to get the Giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with jello
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
if the opposite of pro is con…
what is the opposite of progress?
.
Why don’t blondes make koolaid?
Can’t figure out how to get 2 quartz of water into that little pouch.
.
Why do women fake orgasms?
They think we care.
.
I’m not kidding, this last one really is my wife’s favorite joke…
Why do they call it P.M.S.?
Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
FOR ALL YOU DEEP THINKERS!!
.
- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
.
- A day without sunshine is like…night.
.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers
.
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
.
- 99 percent of Internetters give the rest a bad name.
.
- Remember, half the people you know are below average.
.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
.
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
.
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
.
- Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
.
- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
.
- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
.
- How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
what’s the difference between a mistress, a hooker and a wife.
The mistress says ‘harder harder’
The hooker says ‘faster faster’
The wife says “Baige”
“I think I’ll paint the ceiling baige”
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
THE RULES OF MARRIAGE!!
.
Any married man should forget his mistakes — There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.
.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
.
There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman: before marriage & after.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
A boy asks his father to use the car and the father replies “No, not until you cut your hair!”.
.
The boy replies “But father…Jesus had long hair!”
.
To which his father says, “Yes, and Jesus walked everywhere.”
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Here’s a list:
.
Your meat
An egg
Your dog
A blowjob
.
Which item doesn’t blong on the list?
The blowjob
You can beat your meat. You can beat and egg. You could even beat your dog. But you just can’t beat a blowjob!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Jack Handey Jokes
1. I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex.
2. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.
3. Broken promises don’t upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
4. If I ever get real rich, I hope I’m not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
5. Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words “mank” and “ind.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery and that’s why so is mankind.
6. To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
what’s the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, you kill it.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Hahahahahaha! I think I just wet myself! RAman folks, RAmen!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Jack Handey (Al Franken) just left his show on Air America Radio (Nova M radio; 1480 AM in Phoenix, Az) to persue election to congress representing Minnesota.
Air America is available in several major radio markets for those who like to hear both sides of a conversation. A healthy dose of skepticism is a good thing. Air America is on of the few places to find it.
.
.
.
They call him W so he can spell it.
.
Dick Cheney comes walking into the Oval Office and says: “Mr. President, an IED just exploded and killed 3 Brazillian soldier.”
.
W scratches his chin for a moment and then asks: “How many is a brazillion?”
.
Jesus walks into a hotel.
The young man behind the counter asks: “Can I help you?”
Jesus drops a handful of nails on the counter and says: “Can you put me up for the night?”
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
hahahahahaha…
*
I’m lousy at remembering jokes but I do know this one:
How was copperwire invented?
Two Dutchmen fighting over a cent.
*
Not as funny as some of yours, but he.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
My all time favorite.
.
You Think I’m Dumb!!! Meet…
.
…My brother in law. I just had breakfast with my sister and her husband, and she fondly told me a story (much to his embarrassment) about when they were first married. They lived in a tiny upstairs apartment; it was mid august and very hot in that tiny space. Anyway it was a full moon night so they decided to go for a drive, to cool off. They found a pond on an old dirt road and parked. She said with the moon shining on the pond it was very romantic, and they started necking. She said after a few minutes it was getting pretty heavy, and she told him to jump in the backseat. She says he softly whispered no, and kept on necking. Then after a few more minutes she pulled her blouse off and again asked him to jump in the back, again he whispered no and continued making out with her. Finally she said she pushed him away and rather firmly told him to jump in the backseat! She says she’ll never forget the look on his face (like a broken hearted puppydog), As he looked at her and softly said… I want to stay up front with you!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Mad
Jack Handey is Al Franken? I didn’t know. Now it all makes sense.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I got to copy some of these down.
Here’s two of my favorite. One for the psycholgists here.
What’s the definition of a Freudian slip?
When you say one thing but mean your mother.
A guy is talking to a friend. I just bought a great hearing aid. It cost me $4000.
The other guy “Oh yea, What kind is it?”
The guy looks at his watch and says “3:15″
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Is that a true story Lolli? It’s funny either way.
.
A boy from Alabama comes home from school and very excitedly tells his dad that he has found the perfect girl. He says that she’s pretty, and smart, and still has all of her teeth. She has good manors and is quick with a joke. She’s even still a virgin.
.
Dad says the boy can’t date her.
.
The boy asks why.
.
Dad says “If she’s not good enough for her own family, she’s not good enough for ours.”
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Have a look at
http://www.bbc.co.uk/lancashire/fun_stuff/2002/08/28/exams.shtml
.
Real exam answers by tomorrows politicians hahaha.
.
I loved -What’s a Hindu?
It lays eggs
Name the four seasons
Salt, mustard, pepper, vinegar
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Maddavy and Lolli,
Interesting. I’ve had this discussion before but is a joke funnier if it is Allegedly true? I think it might be. So all my jokes should be taken as true from now on.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Alchemist, I have a book with ansewrs to school-eams. One placed the Nazi’s in Vietnam.
The four main allies were: US, china, indonesia, luxemburg.
ehm..
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Sometimes it is that it’s ludicrous (every time I encounter that word I hear Mike Tyson) that makes it funny. Some times the truth makes it funny (and sad simultaneously).
.
My personal favorites (and I haven’t told them here) are the ones that are so wrong that you could only say them with the protection that everyone knows it’s a joke. They are not true. It’s that they are so wrong headed and outrageous that makes them funny.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
@Alchemist
Haha
What are steroids?
Things for keeping the carpet on the stairs
What is a common treatment for a badly bleeding nose?
Circumcision
.
I think I should run for president I’d win for sure!
RAmen
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
RDPK yeah hahaha. Sounds like my O’Level History exam. I hadn’t done any work and couldn’t have cared less about it. I had 5 essay type questions. Can’t remember what they were about. I managed to write about Bismark in all of them. Needless to say I didn’t do very well :)
.
Mad Davy. Ditto. There’s a few I just daren’t post. (about incest and paedophilia – I guess you know the one :))
Like or Dislike:
0 
0