I was bored at work today(the mortgage industry is slow) and wrote some haiku. I hope you like them.
Praise be unto You
Flying Spaghetti Monster
Creator of allStripper factories
And beer volcanoes await
In the afterlifeKeithO
*UPDATE - 1/19/2007 *Â
Here are some more Haikus, found in the comments section. Very nice.
Yes I have been touched
By His Noodley Appendage
It was a Good TouchFlying Spaghetti
Monster is the way of Life
Praised be He! RAmen.Midget, moutains, trees,
His Noodley Appendage
Has made all to be.Pirates the Chosen
Dictating the global temp
Wear your RegaliaWith His noodley
Appendage I have been touched
But not like that priestTo be a Pirate
and save the hole earth from DOOM
is great joy ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGOur Noodly master
Created the seven seas
For use by piratesAll hail His noodles
His meatball’s flavor sacred
And his sauce divinePriests Molest Children
But the Spaghetti Monster
Loves Us ProperlyNoodles in the Sky
Pirate fantasies fulfilled
Now cool down, hot world!The Pasta Monster
He grasps my with his noodles
Crap, I got scurvyA POEM:
The creator who holds us dear
did not look as what we hear.
he was not a man, or human at all
he was made of spaghetti and two meat balls.
he made us all
originally short
and it wasn’t even his last resort
Pirates are his people,
holy are they
who end every sentence with “Arrgh†as they pray.
Some might not believe,
but it is a fact,
our God was pasta
no, this isn’t an act
So lets all give
a hip hip horray
the FSM is here to stay
Nice praise for the lord…
i envy you. i was never much good at haiku
hahahahaha
Good show?
Ok
Do we have a section for when people get all creative? If not, we should
Totally off topic, but I found this while cleaning out my emails:
-
Dynamic Deity Management Ltd.
Author Unknown
Date :- 3rd May 0023
TO:
Messrs Matthew, Mark, Luke & John (Publishers).
13a Sandy Wasteland Square,
Just Next to the Pizza Hut,
Judea.
-
Dear Sirs,
It is Mr. Christ’s understanding that you are planning to write and publish a biography of him in the near future. Such a biography would, he is sure you would realise, be entirely unauthorised and if it were published in the form you suggest he would be forced to take the matter up with the highest authority.
However he can fully understand your wish to write about his life and will sanction such a project a number of conditions:
That the title of the book be ‘The Holy Bible’ and not as you propose, ‘Hot and Salty - Our Sexy Savior’s Saucy Story’.
That you do not mention the name of his natural Father (Elvin Roxenby-Toke) who, for legal reasons, contests paternity. He suggest you utilise the ‘virgin birth’ scenario. Mr. Christ realises that this is entirely ludicrous but suggests that no-one ever went bust underestimating the credibility of the average religious zealot.
That all references to the incident involving the members of members of the Bethlehem Boys Club, olive oil and a wooden spoon to be exised forthwith.
That the death scene to be ‘pepped up’ as it were. The actual circumstances that you mention are simply not dramatic enough. An accident with a wine jar and a stray fish just does not have the theatrical impact of say, a crucifixion with the full atmospheric effects of a large cast.
That the book not to be dedicated, as it is at the moment, to ‘My dearest Wooly-Boo with all my love squiggles.’
That a fictional character, possibly a twelfth disciple, be introduced to give him away to the authorities. The reality of the case, that he was shopped by his Mother and done for indecent exposure, should on no account be discussed.
And the so called ‘Parable of the Leather Undergarment’ be removed or at least modified.
As long as these guidelines are followed he can see no reason why you should not write and publish your proposed biography although he doesn’t see it as a success himself. He informs me that he enjoyed your previous books, especially ‘Murderburger Hell-High’ and ‘Slutslaughter - Slashin’ the Winded’. Your suggested biography of him appears to be in the same vein and it is for this reason that he must reject your offer of a profit sharing scheme in return for his appearing to promote the book.
In any case Mr. Christ is at the moment fully occupied with his promotion for ‘Shake ‘n’ Vac’.
Yours sincerely.
Adam G Smith.
pp Jesus H Christ
I tried this on another entry with little succes, so I’ll try here while the haiku is still fresh… can someone hook me up with a way to contact Mr. Henderson, be it an email address, forum he frequents regularly, etc. Me and some friends of mine would greatly appreciate his help in an experiment/project we’re doing.
Plus I’d just really like to actually talk with His Noodly Goodness’s greatest prophet/pirate. I mentioned before I’m not too familiar with the site, but I do my best to spread the word through the Gospel.
Anyway, if someone can help me out, I’d really appreciate it. Thanks.
-Art
Here Arthur.
Is the email: bobby.henderson@gmail.com
Good luck
Yes I have been touched
By His Noodley Appendage
It was a Good Touch
Flying Spaghetti
Monster is the way of Life
Praised be He! RAmen.
.
Ok, not brilliant, sorry :)
Midget, moutains, trees,
His Noodley Appendage
Has made all to be.
Pirates the Chosen
Dictating the global temp
Wear your Regalia
A POEM
The creator who holds us dear
did not look as what we hear.
he was not a man, or human at all
he was made of spaghetti and two meat balls.
he made us all
originally short
and it wasn’t even his last resort
Pirates are his people,
holy are they
who end every sentence with “Arrgh” as they pray.
Some might not believe,
but it is a fact,
our God was pasta
no, this isn’t an act
So lets all give
a hip hip horray
the FSM is here to stay
With His noodley
Appendage I have been touched
But not like that priest
I thought yours was lovely WB
how do you write haikus?
i like the pirate one
@gomer
Write five sylables
Then write seven sylabols
Then write five again
Im pretty sure i spelled sylable wrong!!
SYLLABLE!! A Weird word
One more L than I would think
Next time I will check!
To be a Pirate
and save the hole earth from DOOM
is great joy ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG
Our Noodly master
Created the seven seas
For use by pirates
.
Hmmm… not too good, let me try again.
All hail His noodles
His meatball’s flavor sacred
And his sauce divine
.
Still missing something…
Priests Molest Children
But the Spaghetti Monster
Loves Us Properly
Noodles in the Sky
Pirate fantasies fulfilled
Now cool down, hot world!
These are getting pretty good.His noodliness has blessed many of us with creativity. RAmen!
@Fr. Corpus Callosum Jan 19th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
…
Priests Molest Children
But the Spaghetti Monster
Loves Us Properly
…
ha HA! Nice one!
RAmen
The Pasta Monster
He grasps my with his noodles
Crap, I got scurvy
@Peter Popoff
@Peter Popoff
K Dave, signed up for the FSM group, look forward to doing whatever it is that you guys do!
I might not be totally into it because I have about 8 other things that I have to juggle, but I’ll contribute when I can!!!
RAmen
May the FSM bring you an abundance of loot and may all your yurts stay warm in the winter(brr! they can get cold!)
@Gnocci Man
.
Thanks!
.
RAmen
Bobby, check your email man!
@Nick
Is that the same Nick I met the other night…?
I don’t know. Is it good to be the king?
Jesus Christ Loves you!
But so do his many priests…
I would start running.
.
.
Yummy spaghetti,
Our tasty lord is made of.
So let’s eat him up!
Let us remember
To thank the creationists
They created Him
Eight hundred fifty
Thousand dollars is wrong but
Is it worth the fight?
The protozoa
has noodly appendages
they are his children
Good Poems Guys. I like the one by the Random Bad Poet (above).
.
Am I too late for the poetry competition?
.
Have you heard of our god?
If you haven’t that’s very odd.
I don’t think you would ever bet he
was made out of fresh Spaghet-ti.
He can move though objects like walls
Despite being made of meat balls.
If you like your pasta? - go. on! Stir!
And worship the flying spaghetti Mon-ster!
May need a bit of work. Anyone is welcome to steal my rhymes (of which I’m very proud)
@Nick
It sure is. I see your email thing made it through; I’m still waiting on a reply from the Church on an unrelated project (although I mentioned Flock of Dodos in the email).
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m Schizophrenic
And I am too!
appendages wheat,
durum semolina sweet,
Pirates, heat, rAmen.
Pirates abound when
His Noodly Appendages
encircle us all.
*
Wow! I actually thought of one!^_^
Thirty days have Septober,
April, June and Nowonder,
All the rest have peanut butter.
All except my dear grandmother,
She had a little red tricycle,
I stole it.
I don’t think that all of you FSM loonies truely realise the depths of wisdom that the Holy Bible has to offer.
Given that your faith is somewhat centred around the divinity of a “main course†perhaps some of you can be turned from your wicked path by viewing what the “good book†has to offer with regard to culinary advice.
Now if I may quote from Deuteronomy Chapter 14 verses 3-7:
“Do not eat anything that the Lord has declared unclean. You may eat these animals: cattle, sheep, goats, deer, wild sheep, wild goats or antelopes. You may not eat camels, RABBITS (my emphasis) or rock badgers.â€
Verses 12-18 contain some useful information regarding edible birds.
The wisdom of the “good book†is by no means limited to handy kitchen advice. I would encourage everyone to examine it’s provisions regarding the proper treatment of female prisoners of war that you have intercourse with but then decide not to marry.
Turn away from the evil FSM and embrace the truth.
Bunnyhop
All its mails show scorn and hate,
little bunny doesn’t know
’cause its level is too low:
FSM is way to great!
Little bunny’ll go away,
will not stand our genuine wit.
In its corner it wil sit,
FSM is here to stay!
Thumpity dumpity
sat on a wall
Thumpity dumpity
had a great fall
all the queens and kings
gathered around
and laughed…
HAHAHAHAHA!
@Jean Bart
“All its mails show scorn and hate”
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
@PP-off
You’ve been working on that one all weekend haven’t you?
this is so ‘mazing
sonnet shall i write awesome
will it be RaMeN!
reserved
@Thumper
Should you look closely at what you just said, than you would probably realise just how peculiar it is. Letting anyone completely dictate your personal life is akin to being a willing servant. Did your “God” explain WHY or HOW those meats are unclean? Is the Bible a cookbook, then? Are you just going to take whatever you read in that book to be completely infallible? Without ever once asking why?
If your answer is ‘yes’, then you should consider slowing down and actually thinking about what is written in the Bible long enough to form your own oppinions. If your answer is ‘no’, then why have you been posting to us about the Bible’s cooking section?
And please, if you DO decide to answer, then use your mind on it. Not your book.
@Thumper
Woah! Goats are clean? Goats?! There were some goats on the farm I grew up on and they ARE NOT CLEAN in any respect of the word! The billy (male)goats have this interesting habit of urinating on their beards and hind legs, the smell is exceedingly potent as well. I won’t describe it, you may want to eat again someday.
Now you can believe what ever you want, and I’m sure you will, but don’t blow sunshine up my ass or tell me goats are clean.
@Gnocci Man
The Bible was written by God and is thus infallible as God is infallible.
The Bible tells us how to live every aspect of our lives. For example, as you noted above, handy cooking advice such as which creatures are edible, such as wild sheep, to those that are not…like rock badger. But don’t make the mistake of believing that the Bible is just about cooking…no sir…the Bible has all sorts of useful tips from dealing with annoying neighbours to slave etiquette.
I believe that if the Lord had intended that I think for myself he would have put it in the Bible.
@Mooseman
Hey!…if it’s in the Bible that goats are clean then they’re clean…not like rock badger…now rock badger is a filthy animal.
Just me again. Thumper you have said some pretty mean things about your friends. I hope they forgive you.
@Innocent Bystander
Come again?…what mean things have I said “o” mysterious bystander?…are you my conscience?…are these posts real or imagined?
Never mind I know what you meant.
@Thumper
At it again…huh…
Please…forgive me everybody.
Yes please forgive him…he’s young, dumb and lying to mum about being in bed…this is the trouble with wabbits…they multiply fast…I’m outa here for now.
Because I…always…run away when it gets to hard. Now I know who I am.
That will…help…a few others to know to.
“The Bible was written by God and is thus infallible as God is infallible” whoa there… think about that statement! thats up there with God is perfect, existence is a pre-requisite of being perfect therefore God exists! Douglas Adams would be proud of you. The statement that the bible was written by god is patently false. it was written by men that you claim were guided by god. if you are going to make a statement of fact i want to see some evidence. i hereby challenge you to provide a single solid piece of evidence that god wrote the bible and not men with a vested interest in social control…
.
“I believe that if the Lord had intended that I think for myself he would have put it in the Bible.”… in that case why bother with school? why not just sit in your animal skins, gathering firewood for your cave?
@Thumper
You are actually using veiled humor against the fundamentalists in order to help support our cause, aren’t you (not a question). You behave a little too loosely about the Bible to be a fanatic, and a little too strangely to be very serious. I think that if you actually believed that ‘God’ didn’t wan’t anyone to think for themselves, you would probably be locked in a padded cell far away from any computers.
Am I right?
I think that i should like to be
touched by appendages Noodly
Arrrg! i say to you who deny it
stop global warming, be a pirate!
its not much, but i wanted to pay tribute :)
back to the subject topic:
.
Noodliness abounds
Wonderous Appendages
Grog filled happiness
Sudsy volcanos
Giant stripper factories
Priates Paradise
I had some spare time, you can just try to imagine the tune (or make up your own):
.
Background chant: Yo ho ho ho, Yo ho ho ho (In a piratey sort of way)
.
Leader: (sorry, couldn’t really piraticize his/her speech yet)
It’s great to be a pirate an’ to sail th’ seven seas,
It’s great to serve the FSM, and do just what we please,
We all worship his noodleyness and drink volcanic beer,
And fight the fundamentalists will jolly pirate cheer!
.
Chorus:
For science! For science!
We sail the ocean wide!
For science! For science!
And make the fundies hide!
For science! For science!
And drop the global temp!
For science and the FSM we sail towards tax exempt!
.
Leader:
Now you all know the story of the famous Davy Jones,
His locker is the storage place of all good pirates bones,
We’d really like to join them but we have a place reserved:
Up in the stripper factory, and does that make us perves!?
.
Chorus
.
Leader:
Perhaps you’ve heard some anecdotes of hate-mail on our site,
It keeps us strong and has us up late laughing every night,
We wonder why they think that we will burn for what we say,
When they say that the place we’ll burn is up in frozen Norway
.
Chorus
.
All together:
For science and the FSM,
We give a hearty Aaaarrrhh!
RAmen
.
RAmen, and feel free to make any changes you like!
Down with religion
When it poses as science
Noodles to help us
How about a limerick…
Thar once was a Pasta divine,
Who refuted intelligent design.
Midgets, mountains, and trees created.
Freethinkers and pirates related,
“Your invisible friend is weaker than mine”
The meter is weak, but I like it :)
Limericks, hm? Let me give it a go…
.
There is a great a monster of flight,
Whose pasta reigns high day and night,
Bobby Henderson’s letter
Made us feel much better,
And His meatballs and sauce are just right!
.
And as a post scriptum, change the “frozen” part of my earlier song to saying ‘cold’. It fits in more easily with the rhyming pattern.
Hahaha. Limeric time eh?
Mary had a little skirt,
Split high upon one side,
And everywhere that Mary went,
The boys could see her thigh.
Mary had another skirt,
Slit, right up the front,
But she never wore that one!
@Alchemist
I’m not sure that that is a limerick, but who cares. Also, is there any chance that this might explain the whole “virgin birth” thing? In Ancient Greece women would sometimes explain “inexplicable” pregnancies with Europa and the Bull type stories (i.e.: I was walking through the market, and I saw this LOVELY pig… to which the husband/parent/etc would reply “ZEUS!”; If you aren’t familiar with Greek mythology, then don’t ask me to tell you about it, just do a google), and who’s to say that Miss “Virgin” Mary didn’t use the same slip on her husband?
Hahahaha. Yup, Zeus was a bit of a lad. I did CS and Latin at school but a bit rusty. I remember that Circe had a thing for pigs too!
They say “hell” is way out in Norway,
I think it could be in your doorway,
at work or at school,
too hot or too cool:
think nothing or think of it YOUR way!
RAmen to you Pirates!
believe in meatballs
surrounded by spaghetti
no better option
Love the poetyr guys!!!!!!
@Gnocci Man: Totally awesome song!! When I read it, I actually thought it’d sound pretty good as a rap.
And yes, poetyr is a type of poetry. :)
an eyepatch is good
a hook and a peg leg too
we will save the world
our children
should not be taught in science
about christian god
we discovered FSM
in our technology class.
he is really cool
and he tastes like Ragu.
our friends think were weird
because we worship a meal.
we thought we found his holyness
in an italian resurante
but it was just a plain plate of
spaghetti with meatballs.
IMPOSTER!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!!!
-the pirettes
There once was a school down in Dover
Who said “Evolution is over”
They bid science goodbye
Stated: “ID’s no lie!”
And then suddenly IQ was lower
A prez in the US of A
Thought that ID was really OK
But I’ll call all his tricks
‘Cause the ID don’t mix
With the process of thinking I say