Ah… yet another ‘fringe’ religion trying to go main stream. Yet I wonder if you realize that standardized religion was set in place to keep the general masses in line? You see there was no standardized religion in the beginning. It wasn’t until the general populace started to become unruly that anyone decided to slap religion upon them. That way the leaders of the church could easily control those who threatened to topple their empires by creating a set of rules. I find it funny that supposedly only the leaders of these churches commune with “God” or whatever you choose to call your ‘creator’.
To be frank, I find your religion to be quite humorous. I also have something to point out that has been pointed out before… Why is it that your ‘creator’ is a mass of wheat, meat and tomato sauce? What if spaghetti had never been invented? What would you choose to idolize as your ‘creator’ then? I find it sad that you have sucked in these poor, directionless people. I personally find it sad that anyone needs to look to religion to find some sort of meaning to their life. We fear that which we do not understand. It’s simple human nature. If you feel the need to have a god, or goddess, or flying spaghetti monster or whatever run your life for you… fine. I still pitty you.
As for the doctor pointing to the bacteria as “proof” that a flying spaghetti monster exists… Please, don’t feed these people false hope. What you depict is simply a bacterium. Those tendrils or ‘noodles’ as I’m sure you call them, are simply a means of propelling the microbe through fluid. Be that water, blood, whatever. Your ‘pirate’ weatherman? Simply a man who had eye surgery and must wear an eyepatch to protect it from becoming infected. Your swimming ‘FSM’ in Northern California? Kelp. More commonly known as seaweed, but in fact the two are different. And finally… your proof that ‘Pastafarianism’ (which might I add isn’t clever at all) began in Israel? Simply a work of modern art placed in an old temple.
The name ‘Pastafarianism’ is actually a clever play on ‘Rastafarianism’, which was started by a Jamaican man named Rastafari. I find it sad that so many people believe so devoutly in this well thought out and well played joke. To see that so many people fight for this just proves my theory that humans are impulsive, dim-witted creatures that try so desperately to explain that which they can find no plausible answer to by turning to religion.
In closing I must state that the ‘global warming issue’ isn’t an issue at all. In fact the world still hasn’t fully come out of it’s second ice age and the rising tempuratures we are seeing are a result of that. Once more an example of humans fearing that which they do not understand. We try to explain things that frighten us. It is simply human nature. Also I must ask why you think that pirates are a different species than humans? I believe you said something about humans sharing 95% of their DNA with primates (specifically chimps if I remember correctly) and over 99% with pirates. Please… how many of you are truly that ignorant?
-Sincerely,
A devout believer in letting things be [Kieran]
Jingles – you are right, but I dont see togetherness working as a viable alternative
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“Only if you prefer it to be Jingles”
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Yay! My thoughts are under noodley control!
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Alchemist – you are rolling man, everybody back off!!
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Did you not have enough beer/pasta tonight???? Be nice.
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I couldn’t give two Shi’ites about Iraq, whether the whole place boils and Kurd’les over, or the dust storms block out the Sunni’shine forever. The best thing America can do is to Iran away and say S(ee)yria later.
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Heathen -don’t really feel like being nice tonight! Don’t feel like being polite, don’t feel like making excuses for people, don’t feel like being an apologist for the way I think.
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I only have one life, why should I live it apologising for who I am?
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Seriously, Keiran; my sarcasm skills aren’t the greatest, but your over-elaborate message there was kind of pathetic. You really need to understand that that didn’t seem at all like ‘playing along’. You spoke in no more eased a tone than the majority of the IDiots who come here criticizing Mr. Henderson’s stroke of satirical genius.
On another subject now: it’s sad, yet true, that the greater part of America are total morons. Even more unfortunately, most of them are too close-minded to listen to the few who could actually reason themselves out of a paper bag. The next two years are going to be happy fun times for us.
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Alchemist, dantes_torment.
Ya’ll just need to get swimming pools!
Ramen!
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I’m going to take my shitty mood to bed and let you lot have fun. Sorry folks, I’ll try to be nice next time :(
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That lovely warm feeling of, no matter whatever the f**k we do, the world is going to hell in a handbasket (and I don’t mean the quaint little town in Norway, or the rippoff version in Michigan).
-jingles don’t you feel its ironic that the two cities named hell are both in places that are cold?
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I need a pool, someone give me a pool…
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Dr.Worm,
A vote for Peter Popoff, is a vote for a pool in every home!
Ramen!
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Alchemist,
G’nite dude, I sent you another one…
Peace,
Ramen
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Hey everyone! I just have to weigh in and say that I’m ashamed of Dubya, and I didn’t vote for him… or his father. I’m sick of the war and I’m sick of morons everywhere telling me what I’m supposed to believe about other people and deities.
Also, I think Keiran sounds a lot like TLM.
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You know what else I’m sick of? Having to say, “Sorry” every time I say, “God Dammit” or “Jesus H. Christ” to a very Christian co-worker. I’m a nice person, but I feel like a criminal. Yet, when I wanted to share my lamentation that the inventor of Ramen passed away, I shied away from saying anything about the CoFSM for fear of alienating several very Christian co-workers. I’m not even in the Bible Belt! Bastards.
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SaucyWench,
I hear you!!! THOSE BASTARDS…!!!
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ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!!! bastards
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Thanks, Peter. By the way, I can’t figure ot the gmail thing. Am I supposed to send an invite to everyone who somehow sent me something? I’m sick of being technologically challenged, too.
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Peter, I think I need some of your water. I’m just plain sick.
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Saucy, waters on the house!
Help yourself.
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I don’t know myself, what proper email etiquette is?
I came on kinda late tonite, kinda bomed tonite, And I’m kind of overwhelmed.
I guess you respond if you want to? Or don’t?
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I think it’s mostly, if you want to reach someone, your share a joke or story or something, that might not fly on here?
We’ll figure it out or not?
Ramen
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@SaucyWench, to answer your gmail question, supposedly the only way you can get a gmail account is to be invited but it doesnt really work that way. I think its just an easy way for the creators to spread gmail witout having to advertise or anything. I use gmail and love it and invite anyone in my contact list who i think might like it.
@Peter- dude, if you get me a pool i’ll vote for you. 8 years of Peter!!!
Time for this pirate to hit the hammock. Night maties!!!!
Dr.Worm
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I believe you said something about humans sharing 95% of their DNA with primates (specifically chimps if I remember correctly) and over 99% with pirates. Please… how many of you are truly that ignorant?
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Well to be honest about it, we (humans) share about 99% of our DNA with every other human on earth. It’s that 1% that makes us different from each other. Gotta love facts ;)
RAmen
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I’m truly that ignorant….
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And for the record, i don’t share my DNA with anybody, for the same reason i don’t give blood; it’s part of my body and i’m gonna keep it. What can i say, i’m selfish, i never learned to share when i was young. So like i said, nobody or no animal is ever sharing my DNA with me, you can just f#@k right off… its mine!
Dr. Worm
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Kieran, although you have no sense of humor and have completely missed the point regarding Pastafarianism, I do agree with you about:
“…to make a note for The Moronic European, I’m American too. If anyone wishes that our country wasn’t run by morons, it’s us. Trust me.”
RAmen to that. And SaucyWench has got the right idea, too. I’m tired of the idiocy in the U.S. government and I’m doing everything I can to help a change happen. If that doesn’t work, I’ll be packing up and seeing you Pastafarians in Europe in 2008… :)
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Peter Popoff for President in ‘08 ! ! !
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@Alchemist:
There was a religious nut here that said it would be a good idea to give nukes to the Islamist freaks, and let them nuke Israel. That would trigger the return of Jesus, he said, and rapture and Armageddon.
The sad part is that there are some stupid redneck jesus-freaks who think this is a good idea.
And it could happen.
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from Wench Nikee
>>heaven has beer volcanos and strippers.>>
Maybe that is how we win the war.
Their heaven has 72 virgins. After a couple of months, they are all just sluts you have already banged. Then what?
Maybe the lure of beer volcanoes and stripper factories can seem like a better deal. Plus, they don’t have to blow themselves up to get it!
Maybe that is why the FSM is so feared…
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@dantes_torment
>>The next two years are going to be happy fun times for us.>>
You are going to enjoy watching our government destroy us? Why?
We are not the Romans who slaughtered your people, we are the guys that saved you from the Nazis.
Why do you hate us?
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dammit. when i first read kieran’s post i thought we had another doktor mikey on the way. but compared to most haters this guy is positively benign.
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but there are plenty out there who will fear the FSM. skim through all the hatemails venganza has received and tell anyone that they don’t come from fear…the ultimate fear that we may be right and they’re wrong. who would have thought a satire would cause so much trouble? good for laughs though.
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Morning all!
What a completely pathetic attempt at “humour” or “Acting” or whatever it was!
How odd!
@Saucy – I haven’t a clue on the google thing either – I’m going to have a play in a minute though.
@ Alchemist – don’t apologise – if you want to tell them all to fuck off go ahead!
Hope you feel better this morning – I advise playing your stereo REALLY LOUD!
@ everyone else – catch you later :)
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kieran, admit it. When you sent in this email, you didn’t realize than anyone who professes “belief” in pastafarianism is completely joking and using it as a means to point out how ludicrous all religion is. You thought you were fighting the good fight. And you were trying to sound intelligent. read the first paragraph of your piece and you’ll see what I mean. No one is impressed with your mediocre phrasing or vocabulary. you come off sounding like a pompous asshole with no sense of humor. Yes, your points are valid… but they are also the REASON PASTAFARIANISM EXISTS. anyone who is a self proclaimed pastafarian realised everything you wrote the minute they heard about a giant flying spagghetti monster.
If you want to pick on an ABSOLUTELY INSANE FRINGE RELIGION who’s members should be committed to mental institutions, pick on SCIENTOLOGY. those guys are WAY crazier than we are. And they’re for real. they actually believe some CRAZY shit. look it up online if you’re interested.
the point of pastafarianism is to point out how easily one can make a completely nonfactual case for any whackjob religious theory, and that none of the claims here are any crazier than ANY MAJOR RELIGION.
and you obviously missed that point.
thanks for playing.
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@Keiran,
You wasted all that time writing a long message to us, just to prove that you don’t have a sense of humour?
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@Homo narrans
“who would have thought a satire would cause so much trouble? good for laughs though.”
Have you been under a rock in 2006?!?! I seem to remember World War III almost erupting because of some cartoons in a Danish newspaper. Ok, maybe not actually WW-III, but plenty of people trampled to death during protests, Muslim fanatics calling for the paper editors who repeated the cartoons to be beheaded, for Denmark to be bombed (Denmark, of all places….oh dear), etc. You’d be amazed how rife Humor Disorder Deficit is amongst the religious crowd. Many of those people would lighten up a bit if they drank a bit of good dr. Popoffs miracle water. But the HDD virus is obviously a highly evolved life form and has preemted this threat by outlawing alcohol. Obviously that’s not a coincidence, so what more proof of evolution do you need?
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HDD truely is a plague, there really is no cure though, people with HDD rarely improve with drink, they just get more annoyed and strident that whatever the joke was, IT’S NOT FUNNY, they always start to yell too, I really can’t understand why, it’s not like I’m very dismissive of them
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Oh,I agree so much with “Honestly.” I am 50 years old and Wench Beth,Peter Pop Off,Saucy Wench,Jingles etc. are out of MY league when it comes to responses to people like Kiernan. It just amazes me that some people just don’t “get it”! I came across this FSM site through my son and instantly knew the reasoning behind it, and I am far from knowing the bible and religion! What is up with people? Ummmmmmm….can we say,”not free thinker’s?”Maybe not so much “Kiernan” but Bobby gets some really strange hate mail, scary huh? To think that those people that write all that hate mail might become people to go into politics! I love this site, it really does say a LOT, if people would only LISTEN!! RAmen!
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@Tina B
And apart from going into politics, where most outside the Bible belt would have a healthy distrust towards them, they can start a family too. Those kids would find it quite a bit harder to just shrug them off as lunatics and ignore them. Probably will become just like them. Oh, the horror.
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Pitty. Heh.
Main stream. Heh.
I won’t even try to tackle the grammar issues.
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@DutchPastaGuy
Thats already happening. You heard about the father in the Federal way school district in Washington state? He complained that they were showing “An Inconvenient Truth”. Why? Because he says that: “The Bible says that in the end times everything will burn up, but that perspective isn’t in the DVD.” Lets just hope their kids are critical thinkers. Here’s the link to the complete article: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/299253_inconvenient11.html?source=mypi
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I lol’d.
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Obviously, Kieran’s problem isn’t that (s)he doesn’t get it, but the (s)he’s not funny. Hate mail is here for our amusement. If you don’t make us laugh, prepare to be keel hauled. YARRR!
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http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/299253_inconvenient11.html?source=mypi
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holy, holy shit. it’s exactly the sort of opinions presented by the people in this article which make me wish the Bible Belt and every fucking oil baron would spontaneously combust. you know, i guess during the bronze age religion could be considered relatively harmless. tribes went to war, a few hundred people got butchered at a time…certainly the survival of the human race wasn’t threatened by superstitious idiocy.
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the scumfucks in that article need to wake up and smell the sulphur dioxide. they’re selling out the future of the planet for the sake of short-term profits and comfortable religious delusions. fuck them, fuck them all.
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Ah… yet another ‘fringe’ idiot
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Ah… yet another ‘fringe’ idiot trying to be “clever” or “cool”. Yet I wonder if you realize that standardized idiocy was set in place to keep the general masses in line? You see there was no standardized idiocy in the beginning. It wasn’t until the general populace started to become intelligent that anyone decided to slap idiocy upon them, especially in schools. That way the leaders of the society could easily control those who threatened to topple their empires by being smarter. I find it funny that supposedly only the leaders of these societies commune on “Golf Courses” or whatever you choose to call your ‘sacred grounds’.
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To be frank, I find your idiocy to be quite humorous. I also have something to point out that has NOT been pointed out before… Why is it that your ‘coolness’ is a mass of misconceptions, egomania and narcissism? What if self-love had never been realised? What would you choose to idolize as your ‘cleverness’ then? I find it sad that you think you can enlighten these so-called “poor, directionless people,” who are, in actuality, much more with it than you. I personally find it sad that anyone needs to look to spouting pseudo-intellectual garbage to find some sort of meaning to their life. You fear that which you do not understand: Pastafarians. It’s simple human nature. If you feel the need to have a coolness, or cleverness, or pseudo-intellectualism or whatever to run your life for you… fine. I still pitty you.
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As for the doctor pointing to the bacteria as “proof” that a flying spaghetti monster exists… He is making an argument that is just as sound and rational as people of other religions. What he depict is simply a bacterium in the form of his creator. Those tendrils or ‘noodles’ as I’m sure you call them, are more miraculous than the Virgin Mary appearing on a window, or Jesus Christ appearing on a Tortilla. Be that water, blood, whatever. That ‘pirate’ weatherman? Simply a man who has come to terms with the divine noodliness and is doing his part to end global warming within our lifetime. The swimming ‘FSM’ in Northern California? Kelp. More commonly known as seaweed, but in fact more irrefutable, concrete proof of the FSM’s existence. And finally… your proof that ‘Pastafarianism’ (which might I add is absolutely hilarious) began in Israel? Simply a work of modern art that proves beyond any doubt that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is just as true and real as any other religion out there.
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The name ‘Pastafarianism’ is what the term ‘Rastafarianism’ is derived from, which was STOLEN by a Jamaican man named Rastafari. I find it sad that you cannot see the light and the truth that is FSM, which is no joke. To see that you fight against this Truth just proves my theory that you are an impulsive, dim-witted creature that tries so desperately to be clever and cool, but ultimately fails miserably.
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In closing I must state that the ‘idiocy issue’ is one of the biggest issues of all. In fact the world still hasn’t fully come out of it’s second DARK age and the plummeting intelligence quotients we are seeing are a result of that. Once more an example of humans fearing that which they do not understand. We try to explain things that frighten us. It is simply human nature. Also I must ask why you don’t think that pirates are a different species than humans? This is a blatent truth that should be obvious and self-evident. Please… how are you truly that ignorant?
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-Sincerely,
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A devout believer in taunting jackasses who repetitively misuse ellipses ad nauseum [Cap'nUberbob]
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he spelt pity wrong.
what a dumbass.
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I just dont know who could be dumb enough not to understand the point of this site, and still be allowed to use the internet unsupervised. I just don’t know anyone that stupid.
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@ everybody
The reason why all politicians are bad is that
1. They are elected every 2 – 6 years instead of whenever their popularity dips below 48%.
2. politicians are not grown in labs to be perfect, in other words the politicians should be an extension of the government instead of commanding the government.
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I and I would be more impressed, Kieran, if you did your research.
Rastafarianism was *not* invented by a Jamaican man called Rastrafari.
Itr was invented by a Jamaican man called Marcus Garvey, who in 1920 predicted that a “black man would be crowned”.
When Ras Tafari was crowned king of ethiopa, taking the name Haile Selassie, this was seen as confirmation of Garvey’s prediction and the reloigion adopted the name.
See – that didn’t hurt did it?
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Wow… when you deal with averagely intelligent people, who start getting very afraid of the bottom of the pile…
For such a well-spoken and seemingly reasonable person, he has missed the point by quite a surprising distance. Hopefully someone will point out to him the satire, which he very nearly sees.
Some people just don’t get the joke I suppose.
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*Yawn* I didn’t read the whole thing, got bored of it after about two seconds.
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@Cap’nUberbob
RAMEN friend, RAmen, I know someone who’s gonna be getting a stripper or two extra from the factory in the afterlife(hint hint), and me and the rest of us will all sit down, relax, and watch the Beer Volcanoe erupt.
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“I find it sad that you have sucked in these poor, directionless people. ”
I like being sucked!
Sorry, mybad.
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