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spreading the Word in Iraq

Published December 23rd, 2006 by Bobby Henderson
Oh, wise prophet,
I, James of the family Duck would like to enlighten you of the plight faced by the soldiers, civilians, Iraqis and pirates in his noodly appendages cradle of civilization.  Currently the United States Army provides a vast and diverse Chaplains Corp to fulfill the spiritual needs of its hard pressed soldiers.  However at the more remote sites, the Chaplains visit when they can about once a month and distribute literature and religious supplements like crosses, Korans and rosaries.
Unfortunately there are no Pastafarian Chaplains for those touched by His Greatness.  We believe that His Noodlyness deserves equal time along side those theories that harness the power of the printed letter and printer ink.  Even without resources one lone Pastafarian has spread the word to the willing and now over 10% ( 3.27 people) of our installation have been touched.  The local Pastafarians lack the proper eye-patches, swords, hook hands and frilly pirate clothes to properly speak to others who may also seek the truth in these ancient lands.  I propose that if we had official looking papers with letters on them bound into a 192 page “Gospel” to stack proudly next to our mountain of more commonly available books more passers by (which we get quite a lot) could take interest in the Truth that is Flying Spaghetti Monster.
We where wondering, oh wise one, if you could help us out in our plight to spread the word by sending eye patches, hook hands and if possible big pirate hats and a number of copies of The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster .  We here do not have the expendable resources to print out pamphlets, posters or charts showing how global warming is afflicting the pirate population and feel a couple copies of The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster will enforce equal time.
Thank You for listening to our plea,
SPC Duck, James and fellow Pastafarians

P.S.  If you would like to help us out please email me back so I can give you our address.  We really want to take pictures of us in Iraq with FSM propaganda and we think the Iraqi Army guys here with us would love it too!  We also think that a picture of an American and an Iraqi coming together under His Noodly Appendage would be a great message of world peace.  Of course we will try our best not to just jump one of the Iraqi Army guys here and snap a shot off, we will do our best to inform him so he is totally aware of the decision he is making to put his face on the Internet and what it is for. These guys risk their lives just working here.

P.P.S. Also I saw a US civilian contractor with a “Do you believe?” shirt on a month or two back.  Did not get to talk to her, but let it be known the truth is out there.  Even if nothing comes of all this, THANK YOU for providing us with such awesome entertainment.  I does get people thinking.


36 Responses to “spreading the Word in Iraq”

  1. Queen of Rock'n'Roll says:

    To Wench Nikky… THANK YOU for alerting me to switch browsers so I could get to these Iraq comments! It worked. You rock!!! :))) Like Wench Nikky and L’TUAE_42, I would also like to help spread the Gospel in Iraq, so if Duckman could find a way to get us his address (safely), count me in!
    .
    Happy HOLIDAY season to Pastafarians everywhere! And everyone else, too!!

  2. DutchPastaGuy says:

    @Duckman
    No doubt you’ve followed the discussion about how fellow Pastafarians could get your address safely. Some of us have their identity and contact info openly on their websites (although I doubt if Peter Popoff is the real guy). You could contact those people and let them know your info. This could of course lead to all sorts of bogus emails being sent by people claiming to be you, and other pranks claiming to want to contact you. But maybe it can be made to work. Does anyone know something about online ID verification etc?

    Happy holidays to you all,
    Peter (aka DutchPastaGuy)

    ps: I hope that this post isn’t going to get my mailbox swamped with endless email serial bombing from IDiots

  3. Alchemist says:

    At the risk of repeating myself the letter2ted website could be used. Only the original signatories have access to the e-mail address you post as a contact. They’re pretty safe bets. I also remember Davey offered his company eaddy (linked to his name) for this a while back.
    Ho Ho Ho merry *insertnamehere*mas

  4. ContAltDel says:

    Nikky, Duck, et al
    Thought I should clarify a few things:
    1. Changed my online monicker from ‘Naughty Oarsman” mainly because of the season, plus it was just too image-provoking regarding the “queer-ass religion” post threat. I couldn’t handle the stigma.
    2. ContAltDel is the only method I know to win a fight with the computer “Pull-Plug” doesn’t work on a laptop.
    3. Humor is a wonderful diversion – but I still worry about a headline showing up with unimaginable horrific results from an ‘over-eager’ missionary. It just takes one person to jepordize everything – Take GW Bush for example…please…
    4. Wish I looked like Mel Gibson instead of his dad…
    5. Pasta for breakfast is excellent. My daughter has institutionalize the sacrament here.
    6. “Here” is Vegas. It really does suck – but it’s friendlier in a ‘take your money’ sort of way compared to Baghdad.
    Curiously, in the 10th century, Baghda was known as the ‘City of Light”
    1100 years later Las Vegas is known as “The City with a Shitload of Lights”
    Wow. His Noodlyness not only works in mysterious ways, he’s also got a terrific sense of irony.

  5. ContAltDel says:

    Baghdad – That’s what I meant. Stupid laptop.

  6. DutchPastaGuy says:

    Thanks for the reminder Alchemist, I had seen the letter2ted but hadn’t realised that it could also function for anonymous communication. Useful.

    And nice to see that new posts are appearing even on Christmas day. At least here it still is, your time zone mileage may vary.

  7. Alchemist says:

    Hi DutchPastaGuy. I think we’re in the same timezone (UK). Mind you, I’m in Yorkshire now so it’s anyones guess. Had a look at your linked site – the mathematics bit scared me off but it sounds like you’re doing some interesting work (I’ve always had a problem with equations that start with big squiggles :))
    I love the idea of building a multinational experimental fusion reactor in France (I think I heard that?)
    Have a good one.

  8. DutchPastaGuy says:

    Hi Alchemist,
    I’m lagging the continent by 1 hour.
    The physics involved in my work is numerical quantum mechanics, but it’s not as bad as it sounds. Quantum mechanics certainly is bizarre at times. A great theoretician, Richard Feynman said something like ‘If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you haven’t understood it well’. But if you’re doing rather applied quantum mechanics then the complexity doesn’t show up during most of your work. People who are way smarter than me write codes that implement the difficult theoretical side. For most of it I’m just gratefully using their work to get my things done.
    You heard correct about the fusion reactor in France. But don’t count on that for at least 25 years to light your living room. And fusion energy has been ’25 years away from’ us for the past 4 decades. But I’m not too worried. I’m interested in fundamental research to see how nature works, not the technological application. The research proposal from which I’m paid may have said something about the great practical benefits to society, but that was done probably because any proposal that doesn’t promise to solve global warming, air and water pollution, AIDS, abolish locust plagues and bring peace throughout the world has little chance of being accepted.

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