FSM is a horrible idea

Published December 4th, 2006 by Bobby Henderson

Dear Mr. Henderson,

I have noticed that you have started this thing called Pastafarianism.  I
would like to start off the first of a long list of complaints, by simply
stating that that pun is horrible. It’s not even creative.  Way to be
original… not.  Second of all… you guys claim that Pirates are your
followers, and that nobody has ever killed anybody in the name of the FSM.
While… looking back on History I happen to find that the history of
Pirates is filled full of rape, murder, and pillaging.  This is probably the
point where you say “that’s what they want you to think” but this is also
the point where I point out that no noodly meat sac in the sky ever rewrote
history to say that Blackbeard was a cheery fellow who spread joy to others.
To think that some noodle thing in the sky rewrote history is just pure
ludacris.  Also, why is it a Spaghetti monster?  Don’t you find that a
little biased towards Italians.  I don’t appreciate your bias.  If you are
going to continue with your charade, please choose a God that represents
more people than just a minority of people in Europe.  Your idea for
intelligent design isn’t very well thought through.  I respect your idea to
mock the Kansas school board, but what I don’t respect is that you dragged
other people into this farce by stating you actually believe this nonsense.
Look at it, really look at it, and think to yourself if you really want
people to back these wildly imaginative ideas of yours.  If you think you
should… then it’s probably time you stop and consult your local therapist.
I’m not a Christian either, in fact I’m Aetheist.  My way of thinking is
that if there really was a God… why would he be so dumb as to make people
who actually believe a giant flying noodle made the earth?  In the long run,
I would appreciate it if you proclaimed this whole thing to be a farce so
that your horribly nerdy followers could get over themselves and go back to
having what little lives they had in the first place.  If you choose however
to keep up this ploy, I would have to ask that you make your God less biased
towards Pirates and Italians.

Thank You,
TheLaughingMan



550 Responses to “FSM is a horrible idea”

  1. collin says:

    You’re no atheist, or else you’d recognize and appreciate the satire. And it’s not just Italians. Noodles hail from all over the world.

  2. Gnocci Man says:

    @Comatose
    because they… well… umm… huh. I guess I don’t know. that question reminds me of
    “If a tree falls in a forest and noone is around to hear it, does itt make a noise?”
    I’m about 1/3 Italian myself. took a trip there recently, actually… (sighs, remembering the multitudes of pasta. Mmmmm…)

  3. String Cheese Jesus says:

    Did someone piss in his Penne defiling
    the blessed Noodly Goodness?
    .
    “While… looking back on History I happen to find that the history of
    Pirates is filled full of rape, murder, and pillaging.”
    .
    Is that a bad thing?
    .
    “rape, murder, and pillaging.”
    .
    Do they get listed before or after adult language and brief nudity?
    .
    ” I’m not a Christian either, in fact I’m Aetheist.”
    .
    Aetheist? Is he Greek? Or is that simply his name like “Isaiah” Thomas?
    I give up, I’m going for coffee and a doenut.
    .
    “In the long run, I would appreciate it if you proclaimed this whole thing to be a farce”
    .
    Come on now, who likes long, runny farces?
    .
    ” If you are going to continue with your charade, please choose a God that represents
    more people than just a minority of people in Europe.”
    .
    I thought my people had cornered the market on Romans?
    There are days when I wish I’d never left the tomb.
    .
    “so that your horribly nerdy followers could get over themselves”
    .
    Look, a little confession here. If I could get over myself…
    I’d never leave the house. *Ba-dum-bum*
    Thank you and remember to tip your waitress.
    I’m here in the lounge every Friday night and
    do try the Pasta, it’s heavenly!
    .
    Peace, love and Pasta!
    RAmen

  4. moochie says:

    Beyond putting an X on a map, pirates generally couldn’t write very much. Didn’t need to. As a result, their history was written by land-lubbers, corporate shipping magnates who were fiddling their insurers (“honestly, the goods never arrived because the pirates took it all”) and J.M.Barrie. They got a bad press. They were actually the gypsies of their day .. romantic, free-spirited, adventurers. Splice the main-thing! Brace the yard-doodah! Keel-haul the suits! Yarrr.
    >
    That’s what’s missing from the lives of stiff-necked atheists and religious fundamentalists .. they’ve lost ‘romance’ and a healthy scepticism in the accuracy and impartiality of written documents.

  5. Rodger the cabin boy says:

    It’s funny how people only remember the whole rape and murder buisness with pirates and forget to mention things like the fact they didn’t treat people with a different coulour skin as subhuman.
    Ramen

  6. Gnocci Man says:

    @moochie
    yaarrrrhhh…

  7. fundude365 says:

    And, of course, the equal opportunities side of Pirating. You can achieve whatever you feel like, within pirating, if you REALLY put your mind to it. Heck, even TheLaughingMan could recieve employment as some form of novelty entertainment! Presenting thin-as-rice-paper arguments which are promptly ripped to shreds by the nearest 7 year old :) RAmen.

  8. Gnocci Man says:

    @ fundude365
    Indubitably.

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