FSM is a horrible idea

Published December 4th, 2006 by Bobby Henderson

Dear Mr. Henderson,

I have noticed that you have started this thing called Pastafarianism.  I
would like to start off the first of a long list of complaints, by simply
stating that that pun is horrible. It’s not even creative.  Way to be
original… not.  Second of all… you guys claim that Pirates are your
followers, and that nobody has ever killed anybody in the name of the FSM.
While… looking back on History I happen to find that the history of
Pirates is filled full of rape, murder, and pillaging.  This is probably the
point where you say “that’s what they want you to think” but this is also
the point where I point out that no noodly meat sac in the sky ever rewrote
history to say that Blackbeard was a cheery fellow who spread joy to others.
To think that some noodle thing in the sky rewrote history is just pure
ludacris.  Also, why is it a Spaghetti monster?  Don’t you find that a
little biased towards Italians.  I don’t appreciate your bias.  If you are
going to continue with your charade, please choose a God that represents
more people than just a minority of people in Europe.  Your idea for
intelligent design isn’t very well thought through.  I respect your idea to
mock the Kansas school board, but what I don’t respect is that you dragged
other people into this farce by stating you actually believe this nonsense.
Look at it, really look at it, and think to yourself if you really want
people to back these wildly imaginative ideas of yours.  If you think you
should… then it’s probably time you stop and consult your local therapist.
I’m not a Christian either, in fact I’m Aetheist.  My way of thinking is
that if there really was a God… why would he be so dumb as to make people
who actually believe a giant flying noodle made the earth?  In the long run,
I would appreciate it if you proclaimed this whole thing to be a farce so
that your horribly nerdy followers could get over themselves and go back to
having what little lives they had in the first place.  If you choose however
to keep up this ploy, I would have to ask that you make your God less biased
towards Pirates and Italians.

Thank You,
TheLaughingMan



550 Responses to “FSM is a horrible idea”

  1. Ghost of the Noodle says:

    hey i happen to be an american, and i aint fat and stupid. but a shit load of people here are. i am one of the few americans who will get off their ass to do something. money should be spent more on education cause right now i am freezein my ass off cause our heaters wont work and we have no money to fix them. oh and rodger you’re a fuckin idiot. we need to get out of that shit cause it’g goin nowhere.

  2. jacobe says:

    wheres da spagetti monsta now!
    hes in my belly!
    i ate him
    last nite fo dindin
    his cheese was was stale
    thogh it was gooed
    fochizzle out

  3. Beastly Rich says:

    a)You think you are the first? Really? You think that?
    b)pun? what pun? Pastafarian? I didn’t think that was all that bad. Better than that whole “sarcastic comment… (pause) not! that fuckwits think is so hilarious, even when they’ve worn it to death. And you accuse henerson of being unoriginal.
    c)”you guys claim that Pirates are your
    followers, and that nobody has ever killed anybody in the name of the FSM.
    While… looking back on History I happen to find that the history of
    Pirates is filled full of rape, murder, and pillaging” Have you ever actuality read the bible?
    d)”where I point out that no noodly meat sac in the sky ever rewrote
    history” Oh and no religious priest has ever done that! (not -fucktard)
    e)”Also, why is it a Spaghetti monster” why some guy with a beard?
    f)”why would he be so dumb as to make people
    who actually believe a giant flying noodle made the earth?” The real question is why would he make people who have not the intellectual capacity to understand SATIRE. The other question is “How did you survive this long? Natural selection should have got you already!”
    g)”I would appreciate it if you proclaimed this whole thing to be a farce so
    that your horribly nerdy followers could get over themselves and go back to
    having what little lives they had in the first place. If you choose however
    to keep up this ploy, I would have to ask that you make your God less biased
    towards Pirates and Italians.” WOW, that’s great advice coming from the coolest and knowledgeable man alive! (not, -just incase the modest use of sarcasm throws you) and I think you’re lying about being an atheist.

    Good-day!

    RAmen

  4. Major says:

    Don’t forget that Marco Polo is rumored to have brought the noodle from China to Italy. So, spaghetti is essentially an imitation of lo mein. This religion is NOT biased towards the Italians…it’s biased towards the Chinese.

    Besides, who ever heard of the Flying Spätzle Monster? That would be just SILLY!!!!

  5. Zok says:

    TheLaughingMan, while your arguments aren’t very well made, I understand your overall point that Pastafarianism seems somewhat rediculous. However, have you been on Christian websites pointing out the contradictions and misgivings of their wacky beliefs? If you havn’t, why not? You said that you’re an athiest, so you must see the stupidity of their stories of walking on water and getting eaten by whales and a flood covering the entire earth (where’d all the water come from?) and just the general idea of an omnipotent, omniscient god that can somehow only get off when some insignificant little humans pray to him in the face of a mountain of emprical evidence that he must have made for them to indicate that he does not even exist.
    .
    Personally, even if every single word of the bible were true, I’d never make it in the christian heaven, because I’d choose the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge every time, because I’d rather die with wisdom than live in ignorance.
    .
    However, if FSM is the true god, I would love the Pastafarian heaven. Beer and strippers for everyone! And what if we’re wrong, and there is no FSM? Well that’s fine because the tenants of Pastafarianism are still good in the absense of Him. There’s even no killing of disbelievers!

  6. Rodger the cabin boy says:

    @’Ghost of the Noodle’
    I’m sorry if you didn’t get that i was being sarcastic, and yes our counties do need to stop their occupation of Iraq,and more money should be spent on education but because the good old republicans keep giving the rich taxbrakes snd wasting money on wars there isn’t any to spend i think the US national debt is about 8trillion dollars.

  7. J says:

    Is it possible to hit absolute stupidity – the point at which brain cells freeze? Every sentence I think we’re getting close, but then TheLaughingMan unexpectedly manages to get even dafter. It’s like some kind of amazing performance idiocy. ‘And for my next trick, I will attempt to misunderstand…The Alphabet!’ I want to know how he does it.
    .
    There’s just no point in talking to someone who has made buffoonery not only an art form but a way of life. It’ll take more than a little reasoned discussion to crack through that sort of senselessness. Hopefully he’ll grow up to the point at which he can see what an astonishing loon he has been. In the meantime, just hope he doesn’t sit next to you on the bus.

  8. John Phillips says:

    To expand slightly on Major’s post I would also say that it is more biased to the Chinese if we are going on the basis of noodles. For though there are records of the Romans making them 2000+ years ago, in 2005 a 4000 year old container containing noodles was found in NW China. Praise be to the noodlie one, it seams his beneficence knows no bounds. Ramen.

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