Get a bible…and read it throughly
Stop being stupid
God is our maker
leave that as it be, because it IS the truth
and to the comment above me, that was god hoping to help.
I feel for all of you who believe this idiotic belief.
and i hope you change sometime in your life so you can make it to heaven.
Get a bible and read it throughly
Published by Bobby Henderson December 28th, 2006 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 926 Comments
926 Responses to “Get a bible and read it throughly”
George W. Bush is a born-again Christian.
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Marc – seriously? I never realised that! That is scary!
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Gill – Peter’s right about the baptism, I forgot about that. You have to stand up in front of the congregation and give your testimony – how you found jesus, how he’s changed your life, the joy you now know and promise to witness to everyone about the joys of salvation – then you walk fully clothed into a small pool, with two elders beside you and lean back, they let you fall into the water and lift you up again. When you come out of the water all of your sins have been washed away. Everyone starts singing in tongues and the band starts to play “Majesty”
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Some of us get better though.
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@Alchemist
That was a bit explicit Alchemist, I was eating. Think I’ll have a nice cup of soothing tea now, instead.
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It was much better when John just took them down to the river.
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Sorry about that Nikky – I did say that I got better. Honestly, I’m not contagious anymore :)
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Was the description of the “baptism” that put me off my food.
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Hahaha – how do you think I feel about it? I went through it!
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You’re safe now, that’s the main thing. His Noodley Apendage will protect you from those sort of crazy people. :)
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Bush found Jesus after his substance abuse problem. Here is some more info:
http://www.bushislord.com/
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Gurr……I can’t even read any of that at present. Is it a joke site or the real deal?
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Thanks Nikky. To be honest though, my past is the reason I try to avoid the whole FSM is lord thing – too close for comfort. The beer volcanoes though! How can anything compete with that – not too bothered by the stripper factory to tell the truth – women cricketers in lingerie – oh hell – here we go :)
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There is a great Dick Cheney game there, too! http://youshotmedick.com/
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Hahaha. Thanks Marc – funny!
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I can only imagine bushie on dope. The guy can’t even talk when he’s sober. I’ll bet he’s a real hoot stoned.
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OK I’ll have to check those out when I get back. It’s beach walking time for my four legged child.
Catch ya all later. (I meant y’ll I think?)
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“They are the Evangelicals, Pentecostals, Baptists, Assemblies of God etc and f******* scary. They are the fundies.” Shiver shiver. Thank EVERYTHING that we don’t have too many of those types in the Nj/Ny area. ‘Least, not by me. Of course, I’m looking foward to running into them in college…..brr.
I always figured that, despite all their yapping about wanting to help you become saved, those guys just wanted more people in on the crap. Like how someone who knows they’re about to break the law tries to get others to go along with them. It’s always easier if people agree with you!
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gill – they’re worse than that I’m afraid. They KNOW (sorry about the caps) that they are right. Full stop (period). It’s like the Terminator
paraphrase “They can’t be bargained with, they can’t feel pain or mercy, and they will stop at absolutely nothing until you are dead!”
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How come nobody talks about Paris Hilton anymore? She’s hawt!
She needs her own thread here!
Ramen
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Gill… don’t look forward to meeting them in College/Uni… it’s not as good as you think…
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In my nice secular Western Australian University, we still have a large number of christian groups.
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The reason I mention this, is the missionary behaviour. You see, every wednesday my uni has a sort of market thingy, a few stalls, etc, outside the tavern. Among these stalls, are the christians.
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They cruelly approach many a manjack as he seeks to slake his thirst, trying to force bibles and pamphlets on the poor devil. You can argue, but it loses its lustre after a while. Arguing faith is all well and good when its free time, but not when it interferes with the wetting of the whistle.
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@ Jingles – you need to do your own missionary work then!
Get your eyepatch out and set to it!
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Gill, I think we’re saying you need to get in to a missionary position with the fundies yiu meet…
Sorry about that folks but some jokes just have to be made or they’ll nag away…
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I had this friend (who is unfortunately dead now) and she was baptised as an adult.
She went in for one of these full immersion jobs.
She slipped on the steps getting out and broke her ankle.
I know its wrong, but I still find it funny. She was very self righteous.
By some cosmic coincidence, she was called nikki.
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@Booty,
“…you need to do your own missionary work then!”
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Yes ma’am! I’ll find me a wench and get right on with it! ;D
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Jingles, I just did the obligatory Missionary (snigger snigger) gag @ Jan 7th, 2007 at 3:55 am [FSM time].
Great minds think alike? Or is the word Missionary a bit of a open goal?
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So, Captain Noodulous Silicate, did she ruin her sinfreeness by swearing when she broke her ankle?
She should have sued them for personal injury!
Wasn’t quite what I had in mind for missionary work, but what the heck – go to it!
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@Cap’n… let’s face it, the missionary gag is irresistible.
You would have a greater chance of turning down a sauna full of wenches, with all the beer and spaghetti you can eat provided for free, then resist the lure of that joke.
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She never did say much about it. Probably because everyone thought it was so funny.
I know people in the church weren’t too happy with her because she ’spoilt’ their ceremony.
THose christians can be so unforgiving…
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She “Spoilt” the ceremony?!
Fucking hell! That is harsh! LOL!
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Booty, you have to remember the Xians love there ceremonies.
The whole walking slowly and incense and sacredness makes people think they are involved or in the presence of something big and important.
So if some daft Doris falls on her heiny in the middle of it does tend to take the shine off the grandeur!
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Laughed my arse off! What a beautiful description! Oh, don’t worry, I am well aware of the hypocrisy of Christian ceremonies, was dragged up on them, every Sunday, without fail, still get my mum trying to talk me into going and inflicting it on our kids – manage to ignore her most of the time, although I cave in sometimes cos the daft old bat isn’t well and uses the guilt trips on me – she has learned well from church and is the master (mistress?) of the guilt trip.
I was quite religious well into my 20’s, but then started seeing my husband, was too busy on Sunday mornings to go to church ;) and started thinking rather than just “believing” – final straw was my very religious friend whose congregation had a child of 9 die of a brain haemorrhage and were all *shrug* she’s gone to a better place – FUCK THAT – I have 2 small kids, and there is no way I can think like that – I would be utterly devastated and destroyed if they died, how can you *possibly* claim to be caring and have an attitude like that? The mind boggles!
Sorry – rant over!
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Some attitudes in the church are very damaging:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bristol/5156972.stm
I still can’t believe that the Anglicans actually think that the people who blew this womans daughter up should be forgiven.
That’s one of the things I hate about organised religions.
Anything they think that is common-sense doesn’t require religious conviction (by definition).
Anything they think that defies common-sense is probably harmful (by definition).
So religion is in practice at its best harmless and in some (and many) cases harmful but can’t do good that couldn’t (or shouldn’t) be done by some other means.
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Very sad.
In a way though, the bombers were indoctrinated into what they were doing as well, so while that certainly doesn’t make it right, it makes them a victim of it as well to a certain extent.
I’d like to think that I am a forgiving sort of person, I suppose because that has been indoctrinated into me, but if it was a child of mine I suspect I would be less than compassionate towards them.
Hatred just breeds terribly though, but I suppose you don’t have to hate just because you don’t forgive – I appear to be going round in circles.
Very difficult.
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Booty,
I have a lot of time for what you’r saying that hatred isn’t very healthy either.
But the church putting that poor woman through an enormous guilt trip at what is probably (and I hope) the lowest point of her life isn’t doing anyone any good.
What that poor woman needs is support – not guilt.
In terms of whether those individuals are culpable for their actions or the ‘tinker toys’ of some controlling mind is a very difficult set of issues.
None of which are in anyway served by bullying the victims families.
On the whole we hold people who perform the actual acts of killing directly responsible for the consequence of their actions unless they show some form of insanity.
It isn’t acceptable to claim they you were convinced of the argument to kill. If you knew you were killing and understood what killing is and that it is criminal, you’re legally culpable.
That doesn’t however take in to consideration to complex social issues that give rise to this behaviour nor demonstrate that punishing those individuals is the best way to suppress re-occurences.
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Nikky, it is “y’all”. I live in the South. :-)
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I remember as a kid watching a baptism. The baptismal pool was way up high on the back wall of the church over the pulpit. Drapes would dramatically open revealing the bath. The minister was up there in his white robe and there was a rather tall woman, also in a white robe, that he was dipping into the water horizontally. Her head slipped down and her bare legs popped up and she struggled for a bit. I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever seen in my life. You could hear all of the stiffled laughs in the congregation.
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Captain (Sorry, can’t be bothered with the rest of it, and anyway, what does TBHNA mean? ;) )
I hear you, I really do, I am always a bit of a wuss with these arguments, I absolutely see that the church is wrong in making her feel guilty for not forgiving, and I wasn’t trying to say that the men who did this weren’t wrong too, just it is not as black and white as some people would like us to believe. I don’t know if there is an answer, but I hope that I bring my children up to not hate anyone else because of their beliefs, but to hate the wrong actions of any person, no matter if they did it because their god told them too.
That doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense either, but I hope you know what I mean, being a parent is a scary business. My youngest (4) told me the other day he didn’t like a lady on the bus because she had black skin – I was horrified and immediately told him that that was wrong and silly, like saying he didn’t like me because I had black hair, but that was a shock to the system – especially as his older brother’s best friend at school is black! I hope we aren’t going horribly wrong somewhere and it was just an odd remark, as they do.
@ Re-Oared Marc – Oh dear! Poor lady!
My friend had to do that as she married a Baptist and had to “Convert” as she had been “done” C of E – her dad refused to go as he didn’t approve and the whole thing was a bit of a trauma, not exactly a spiritual rebirth, more a pain in the arse to get accepted by her husbands church – pathetic!
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where were the bombers from who killed the girl? i didnt see it in the article
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It was the July 7th London bombings on the underground and the bus.
Muslim extremists.
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Booty,
Touched By His Noodley Appendage – of course.
The common mineral flint is a Nodulous form of Silicate.
Noodulous is just a corruption in the vein of Noodle.
Not very funny but it makes me smile…
It’s dinner time so I’ll reply to your other points later on this evening…
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Re-Oared Marc Jan 7th, 2007 at 9:23 am
Nikky, it is “y’allâ€. I live in the South. :-).
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Marc, ya’ll live in the south? May FSM take pity on your soul!
Just kidding, I’ve got a couple of friends ‘down south’, and heck! They ain’t even inbreeds. I’m in Western NY, 400 miles from the city, in some very peaceful grape country. They call my people ‘hicks’.
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CaptainNSTBHNA.
Of course! I am terrible at working out things like that, even when I kind of know what they mean – I blame the lack of evolution, I am sure I should have evolved the ability to work them out by now, of course, we all know that evolution stuff is hooey!
I nicked Booty from the kids TV show Yoho Ahoy – have you seen it? Very freaky! Their wenches are called Booty and Plunder – soooo inappropriate! :)
I will google it and post a link for you in case you have missed it’s piratety goodness :)
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http://www.toonhound.com/yoho.htm
Yoho Ahoy – fabulous stuff!
Enjoy!
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thanks booty, didnt hear about the bombings, well that just sucks i mean i think its horrible when a terorist just attacks innocent civillians like the bombings in london, 9/11, or the russian school. there is no punishment allowed in our countries that comes even close to what those terorists deserve.
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Ooh! I need to get the episode “Heaves with Booty” ;)
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Booty,
My youngest is also 4 (5 in April). I’ve got two girls – 4 & 9.
Consequently yes I have seen Yoho Ahoy! but didn’t get the link.
Obviously I assumed it was some caboose base joke as I suspect the characters in Yoho Ahoy are skirting round.
I’m sure there’s a joke about skirts and booty in there but I can’t find it.
“Heaves with Booty” sounds like it might have been censored!
I can’t find it on Amazon.
How about this:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/BBC-Multimedia-Favourites-Yoho-Ahoy/dp/B00006LA8X/sr=8-2/qid=1168197807/ref=pd_ka_2/202-6742361-6727032?ie=UTF8&s=software
It’s a PC CD ROM including:
Create lovely moving pictures with Booty
I’d make sure the little ones are in bed before you get in to that, but feel free to post the outcome on YouTube…
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On the ‘meaningful’ topics you raised Booty I think we’re agreeing that the woman shouldn’t be made to forgive but on the other hand we shouldn’t think blaming individuals for atrocities that are the product of a group and/or society as a whole is all of the solution.
Captial Punishment (that McSpaghetti seems to imply) has in danger of inflaming the problem not resolving it – see Iraq…
I certainly think that religion is a damaging influence in both parts of that story and can only repeat:
If a course of action is correct you don’t need religion to justify following it.
If a course of action is wrong you can’t be permitted to use religion to justify it.
Religion is therefore either an irrelevant or damaging influence on human behaviour – never good.
This is in part because false reasoning (e.g. doing what God wants when there is no evidence of whether he exists and less for what he may or may not want) only leads to correct answers by accident.
On the racism thing. I’m sure it’s just ‘one of those things children of that age say’.
Howevr you’re right to counter it as you did.
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Ooh – sounds fun :)
Luckily enough the little ones are now in bed, but we have the in-laws staying for a few days – shucks!
Not sure that YouTube would really want to see it though!
:)
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Thanks.
I have to dash as our dinner is ready, but I do agree, especially that capital punishment, however tempting in certain circumstances, cannot be the answer.
I sincerely hope you are right about the racism thing – he is starting school soon, so that will help him to get a broader picture. :)
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@Gill- “Several of my friends are Christian from birth, but they’re all extremly open-minded and really great people besides. On the other hand, there’s a born-again girl in one of my classes, who, while she IS a nice person, is extremly vocal in her ‘Jesus’s way is THE way’ beliefs. Anyone else noticed that, or am I imagining things?”
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You are not the only person to notice that, gill, it’s also pretty much the way things are in my school. Annoying as hell. But the people on our side also have very loud voices when provoked. And we have better vocabularies^_^
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As for the capital punishment thing, I have to disagree a little here, Booty. I do think there are a very few certain people who deserve it without question, and probably a little torture besides. Having said that, without telepaths there is just no way of being absolutely certain in some cases, and what if someone turned out to be innocent? adding in the cost of all the waiting and appeals, it is just a waste and inneficiant.
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@L’TUAE.
I have a problem with capital punishment as I think if I personally had a member of my family involved I am sure I would be baying for blood, but the rational bit of me is very aware of the miscarriage of justice bit (we have some personal experience of that as a family, so it is very close to home, and I am very aware that mistakes happen) and just feels that in a civilised society it is just wrong.
But I fully accept that other people have different views – that is the way of the world.
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As far as Capital Punishment goes, every good right wing Republican nows.
That you should kill them all, and let god sort them out.
Can’t go wrong that way!
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