Get a bible…and read it throughly
Stop being stupid
God is our maker
leave that as it be, because it IS the truth
and to the comment above me, that was god hoping to help.
I feel for all of you who believe this idiotic belief.
and i hope you change sometime in your life so you can make it to heaven.
Get a bible and read it throughly
Published by Bobby Henderson December 28th, 2006 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 926 Comments
926 Responses to “Get a bible and read it throughly”
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they never stop do they?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6243323.stm
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Spider: of course not, sigh. I guess the only thing they don’t want is dicrimination against THEM. THEM discriminating anyone else on grounds of their ‘beliefs’is apparantly perfectly ok. I mean replace gay with women, blacks, jews, left-handers and the entire country would be upset!
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OFT Jan 9th, 2007 at 7:27 am
@MJK,
Why don’t you ever see the headline: ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
Check out the iol.co.za site. There’s a story about a psychic in Durban, South Africa who was mugged. She “didn’t see it comingâ€.
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I called the psychic hotline once, the gal said ‘hello psychic hotline, how may we help you’ WTF????
I said, you’re the psychic, you tell me!
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Booty Jan 9th, 2007 at 12:55 am
@ L’TUAE – If I have this correctly from reading old threads, Peter started off as Maxwell’s friend, (friend of Maxwell??) not that Maxwell, another one I think! Then when he didn’t show up he became Swabbies Bucket, then Peter Popoff.
Did I get it right? ;)
I have mutated into a scary stalker person, haven’t I? Don’t know why, things like that stick in my mind! And I have always found Peter very funny, no matter what name he goes by!
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Spot on, Booty. You know my history better then I do.
Now I’ll be changing the locks on my doors. heh heh
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Captain Noodulous Silicate TBHNA Jan 9th, 2007 at 3:08 am
I think Peter has a professional interest in Physics and had assumed he was “Friend of†James Clerk Maxwell.
Peter is that so?
Booty, you’re not the only stalker…
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Hi Captain, James Clerk Maxwell? Na, I know nothing of Maxwell’s equations.
I’m just a lowly, grape picking, bible selling, Miracle water selling, soon to be Prez, Pastafarian.
Ramen
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Hi there!
Can anyone help me?
We are having a theological discussion at work about the “good” of religion – can anyone tell me where the quote
“I come not to bring peace but to bring a sword to cut up families” – Jesus in the New Testament apparently – can anyone tell me book and verse?
Thanks
(our connection speed is crappy or I’d google it)
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Hi Booty,
Maybe…
1 Kings 3:15a-28, Matthew 10:34-39
“Not Peace, but a Sword”
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Hope that helps…
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Thanks Peter!
She is on her break at the moment, but I will show her in a bit and I have promised to lend her the God Delusion :)
She already thinks I am weird because I like Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy and have a bear with 2 heads and three arms!
Oh well, in for a penny….
:)
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Matthew 10:34-39…
“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.”
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@Spider Jan 9th, 2007 at 7:58 am
they never stop do they?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6243323.stm
I’ve seen a print article [The Times] where the Archbishop of Canterbury is sympathising with this lot.
He argues that it discriminates against Christians to try and curtail their rights to discriminate against others.
He went on to say that he thought that descrimination was disrespectful BUT homosexuals should appreciate the Christians discrimination against them because it showed that the Christians valued the homosexuals as human beings.
Do you see? “The reason I’m treating you as a second class person is because I value you – if I didn’t value you I’d really treat you with contempt!”.
It’s not just the Fundies the Anglican church tries to portray itself as at the liberal end of the Christian spectrum – and may be it is.
I think the problem is the liberal end of the Christian spectrum no longer overlaps with the general standards of wider society.
The Xians think they define our moral standards but in Europe at least society has quite clearly moved on and the church is incapable and/or unwilling to catch up.
Expect more conflict. Join a secular society in your country and lobby for separation between church and state to stop minority interests (the church) slowing the majority view.
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That Matthew was a real stitch, wasn’t he?
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He was a barrel of laughs.
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Thank you!
I will save this to show her tomorrow :)
We are going home now (Yay!)
Catch you later.
And thanks a lot – that really about sums it up for me – I am sorry, but my kids are as important as anything to me, and I couldn’t choose between them and anyone else – if I could just save one person and it was a choice between my kids and someone else my kids would win every time – and if that means I am going to Hell save me a place by the fjords!
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I think His high Noodliness is teaching us something. He’s teaching us that Matthew still is the trickster that he was a while ago and also that some people will cling to their beliefs so dearly that it’s like running blind-folded through a scissor factory.
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Re-Oared Marc Jan 9th, 2007 at 11:29 am
That Matthew was a real stitch, wasn’t he?
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Yeah, that Matthew was a real hoot! Sad thing is, he’s one of the nicer ones in the bible.
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Those ‘Book Of’ guys have all that excellent PR but when you get down to it they are a right old bunch of serious shit-bags.
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Ha! My parents own a chalet site that gets a fair few homosexual partners. Apparently this situation disgusted a couple of Jehovahs witnesses that stayed once.
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It’s a good thing we don’t have to listen to them.
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@Matthew 10:34-39-
Jeez that’s scary. Do people actually READ the bible?
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they pick and choose what they want and call the rest metaphor. It’s hookum basically.
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Red Rodger Rackham: I think they’ll have trouble labelling stuff that strong as “metaphor”.
Then again, they’ve buried plenty of other outrageous passages that way in the past…
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I thought the purpose of this site was to criticise the idea of ID being taught as an actual science, and i strongly agree with that purpose. There is nothing scientific about religion. However, it now seems like this site has turned on religion in general, especially Christianity.
I am a Christian, not a good one, but i am one. I don’t entirely buy into creationism, but at the same time i don’t entirely buy into evolution, there are flaws to both. Now i’m not educated enough to inteligently discuss either of these topics in depth, but i’m also not arogant enough to bash other peoples beliefs.
Don’t get me wrong, i love this site and i love laughing at the threads, but there seems to be an awful lot of intolorance as of late. Having faith and believing parts of the bible does not make someone an idiot any more than believing in evolution makes TLM a genius.
Basically what i’m saying, is it’s ok to disagree, in fact it’s best that people don’t all blindly agree on everything. But i don’t see the point in trying to make poeple feel stupid for their beliefs (unless of course it’s The Laughing Man, then i insist you make him feel stupid)
Anyway, thats my two cents. You ladies and gents have a nice night, the Doctor is out….
Dr.Worm
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Thanks for informing us Dr.Worm.
Maybe you could post a list of who you think it’s Ok to make fun of.
That way we won’t offend you anymore.
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“but there seems to be an awful lot of intolorance as of late.”
Shrug! Perhaps the responses of the posters on this site, to the frothing intolerance of the fanatical creationists towards anyone who doesn’t share their beliefs, is a fair reaction,
After all, there is one thing that tolerance cannot tolerate and that is intolerance.
Let those who are willing to give be willing to recieve.
RAmen
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“Having faith and believing parts of the bible does not make someone an idiot ”
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No what makes an idiot, is thinking it’s Ok to believe in “parts” of the bible, but not other “parts” of the bible.
You can’t decide that only “parts” are meant to have meaning, whats the rest of the book?
Space filler?
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@ Dr. Worm
If you are looking for a more serious conversation I suggest the discussion forum
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I don’t know MJK.
We have had serious conversations here.
It’s rare no doubt, but we’ve both seen it done.
Ramen
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@ Peter
I simply meant that the discussion forum has filtering and is monitored for offensive language, unlike this open forum where it can go from serious to inane to humourless to hilarious to flat out vulgar in an instant. We in fact encourage such behaviour. He might be more comfortable there. Just a suggetion. But he should be welcome here as well.
CMJK
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It makes me sad to see so many people banning together against God. I have a deep love for all of you. I don’t think you are stupid or below me. You have every right to choose what you believe. I just want you to know that I as a Christian still care about you and I would love to talk about anything you desire. Just know that yo matter to God, and you matter to me. Please if you desire to speak with me post a reply. I would give my e-mail, but I know there are a lot of angry people that wish to mock me and ridicule me for my views, but if you reply back I will get you my e-mail. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
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It makes me sad to see so many people banning together against God. I have a deep love for all of you. I don’t think you are stupid or below me. You have every right to choose what you believe. I just want you to know that I as a Christian still care about you and I would love to talk about anything you desire. Just know that yo matter to God, and you matter to me. Please if you desire to speak with me post a reply. I would give my e-mail, but I know there are a lot of angry people that wish to mock me and ridicule me for my views, but if you reply back I will get you my e-mail. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
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Thanks Daniel,
I’d like to talk about beer volcanos in heaven.
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@ Daniel
In case you hadn’t noticed, you have set foot aboard our Pirate Ship, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He alone is God here. If you wish to debate the validity of our god over yours you are more than welcome to do so here. And don’t worry about us, it is we who worry about your soul not knowing the warmth of His Noodly Goodness. If your faith is so strong then no amount of anger or ridicule should be able to change your views. May you be forever touched by His Noodly Appendage.
RAmen
CMJK
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Captain Mad John Kidd Jan 9th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
@ Peter
I simply meant that the discussion forum has filtering and is monitored for offensive language, unlike this open forum where it can go from serious to inane to humourless to hilarious to flat out vulgar in an instant. We in fact encourage such behaviour. He might be more comfortable there. Just a suggetion. But he should be welcome here as well.
CMJK
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I understand what you’re saying, but Dr Worm has been around for awhile now.
And it seems like he/she? Wants us to poke fun at TLM, yet not poke fun at others that we may deem as funny as TLM.
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“Don’t get me wrong, i love this site and i love laughing at the threads, but there seems to be an awful lot of intolorance as of late. Having faith and believing parts of the bible does not make someone an idiot any more than believing in evolution makes TLM a genius.”
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I don’t know, but his whole post came across like a kid who started losing the game of marbles he was playing, so now he wants a new game.
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It is true that no ammount of anger toward myself will change my belief in God. I do appriciate you being more formal than I have seen some on this website. I don’t have any particular subject I would like to discuss unless you have never heard anything from the Bible at all. I would be happy to discuss it. I do not claim to be a Bible scholar by any means. I am only 18 years old, but I try my best to read the word daily and study it so I can be more well educated for when others ask questions. But as for the beer volcanoes in heaven, I doubt it. lol There are no passages I am aware of that talk about it. But the comment was quite comical.
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@ Peter
Well, the MacIntosh thing has gotten everyone’s blood up a bit. To be fair, there has been some rather un-Pastafarian like behaviour…mwahahaha…but who am I to judge. I’m just another smug assclown of the evilutionist conspiracy. Say, anybody, when is the next meeting?
CMJK
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Daniel – that will be beer volcanos in OUR heaven, alongside the stripper factory.
Thank you for coming along so politely and friendly and for being open with us, but we really don’t want converting thanks, our heaven is so much more fun, and we get to have flimsy moral standards as well, so thanks for the offer, but we already know an awful lot about the Bible – I was brought up Christian and went to church every week for 20 odd years, give it a few more years and you might start seeing that although faith gives you a lovely warm fluffy feeling inside the Bible doesn’t actually make any sense when you read it thoroughly except as a collection of stories made up by intelligent but scared individuals who wanted to either make people less scared of dying, or to control them to do as they wanted them to do in a primitive society.
RAmen.
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No idea when the next meeting is – but I’ll try and make it.
When did you get promoted Captain? Or have you bought your own ship?
Congratulations! But who is navigating now? Oh crap – are we going the wrong way?
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@ Daniel
Yes, Daniel, I have read your Bible. Have you read our Gospel?
Well done on your faith, I hope it serves you well.
If you are interested in learning more about our Church then try clicking on the topics at the top of the page, if you have any questions please ask. We do have a thirty day guarantee.
RAmen
CMJK
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Daniel, please, when you come to our church, don’t preach christianity. Most of us don’t believe in it, because we
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a) think it is violent, hypocritical, discriminatory, homophobic, misogynistic, power-mongering church.
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b) find preaching supremely arrogant. There is nothing whatsoever special about your god. Why should be believe in Yahweh over the Hindu pantheon, the rainbow serpent of the Australian aborigines, Buddha (probably the only NON-pasta based being who actually deserves to be praised) or the various nature spirits in Shintoism?
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c)’d rather worship the devil then Yahweh (at least in my case). I’d rather worship satan then Yahweh, because satan at least doesn’t pretend he is a good guy while murdering everyone.
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d)don’t believe in a god, the god, any god, gods, deva, deities, devils, angels, demons, spirits, intelligent designers, little green men that rule the world, big green shapeshifting lizards that do the same, heaven, hell, purgatory, sin, divinity or elvis still being alive.
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So don’t pray for us, or tell us god cares for us. We don’t care about it, because we, until given legitimate reason to do otherwise, don’t let fairytales and bed time stories rule our lives.
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Don’t hold back, now, Jingles, tell ‘em how you really feel!!!
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@ Booty
It happened over on the “In praise of an alternative creation theory” thread. Many a great Pirate changed their names. Take the quiz.
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I am not here to preach openly to you on your website. I know I would not be happy to see anti-creationist comments on a Christian wesite so I will not preach. I will pray for your salvation as I do for all of you though. I hope I do not anger you by making comments on your page. As a Chistian, I am not out to offend anyone. I have an agape love for all mankind and I respect others for their views not becuase others respect me, but simply becuase I choose to. PLease let me know if you are offended. I will not reply if anger is a product of my post.
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Sorry… I just don’t like sanctimonious preachers.
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I like several christians (I cannot say lots, admittedly…), and respect others. Dr Worm, I actually agreed with some of what he was saying (despite the fact that I’m not really helping here).
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However, the difference is, he doesn’t say he’s praying for us, he desn’t act like we’re all just wayward kids who just can’t see the obvious, and he DOESN’T PREACH!
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Jingles
Frothing at the mouth with bells on…
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It is a harsh world out there, Daniel. Not everyone will believe as you, nor should you expect them to. We appreciate your prayers, but our salvation is aboard. No offense taken on my part. But I must warn you that if you wish to talk of your religion in our Church, then you might expect a smiting or two. We are Pirates after all.
CMJK
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ahaargh me hearties.
a few days away and there’s far too much too read, so if i repeat apologies, if i offend religious types – tough!
Jingles you go for it matey, in the UK we’ve just witnessed religious demonstrations to try and overturn some discrimination legislation. so my new years promise screw the war on terror – it’s war on religion. give ‘em no quarter, i’ve had enough of their rubbish and the idea you can’t criticise ‘em because it’s a faith issue. it’s like polonium 210 – there’s no safe background level of religion, it’s all insidious mind polluting toxic filth and deserves to be treated as such.
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run out the guns! make sail and load the meatballs! let loose the sarcasm and satire…
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RAmen Spider!
I particularly love the “no safe background level of religion” comment :)
We started having a religious conversation at work yesterday – our youngest new girl is devout Christian – she is only 25 and has swallowed all the bull hook, line and sinker – I have promised to lend her “The God Delusion” which might open her eyes a little – at 25 I was still quite religious, so there is still hope!
It is going to be a slow day at work again, so I think we will all have headaches by 10 O’clock from heavy discussions!
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A broadside of Dawkins! a fine volley to be sure. There is always hope of helping ‘em acheive sentience as opposed to superstition. Beware though, they tend to run to ground and dig in. Give your quarry no time to hide, pursue the attack! run out the bow chasers and harry their stern (in accordance with workplace sexual harrassment legislation of course!)
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the discussion need not be heavy, encourage the use of grog after hours and she’ll be a fine wench in no time!
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Thanks for the advice – I will be sure to give her no quarter to hide!
She doesn’t have a clue really bless her! She was horrified when I told her yesterday that one of the psalms advocates smashing babies against rocks and that Jesus said he had come not to bring peace, but a sword to tear up families – I don’t think she has read much of the bible – just the bits they have told her too!
Got to go have a shower – work calls – the bloody foxes woke me up at 5:30 this morning and I couldn’t get back to slep so I have been surfing!
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Daniel. A quick post and run I’m afraid. Stuff to do today :(
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I noticed on a couple of your posts that you say “as a christian I still care abut you” and “as a christian I’m not out to offend anyone”
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These types of comment have always given me problems – they sound ever so condescending. In a “well, of course NON-christians don’t give a stuff and go around annoying the hell out of people all the time” That fellow from Samaria seemed to care!
Some people on this site have devoted their lives to caring for others, I know of two off hand. I have a more preventative role (I keep out of peoples way as much as possible – saves trouble later :))
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To say that you’re not out to offend people is a bit too rich for me. Do you witness? How do those of different faith feel when you tell them they are wrong and will forever be removed from god’s love if they don’t change their heretical ways? The homosexual folks who see placards with “Jesus Hates Fagots!!!” written in green crayon on them?
The women who attend abortion clinics – do you ask them to repent? Of course, you know the exact circumstances that brought them for a termination. Don’t you?
How do you think people with MS, MND and other degenerative diseases feel about your non-offensive opposition to stem-cell research?
Offended? I should bloody well thing so!
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wow – and not one mention of beer in the whole post. Oh bugger!
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ok dudes, 3 things need to be said here:
1.
2. If you had to chose between white or wholegrain pasta, would that be a sin?
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gosh!
u didnt even let me finish –
thats 1 rude church? – is that wat u do 2 all ur followers?
and just as i was startin to open my eyes to this new faith
jo x x x x
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