Get a bible…and read it throughly
Stop being stupid
God is our maker
leave that as it be, because it IS the truth
and to the comment above me, that was god hoping to help.
I feel for all of you who believe this idiotic belief.
and i hope you change sometime in your life so you can make it to heaven.
Get a bible and read it throughly
Published by Bobby Henderson December 28th, 2006 in Hate Mail (and concerned criticism). 926 Comments
926 Responses to “Get a bible and read it throughly”
Which Bible do you want me to read? The King James Bible? The Catholic Bible? The Gnostic Gospels? Huh? Why are there no Dinosaurs in the Bible? Is there a Dinsaur Bible out there that we are missing out on? Oh, please, don’t tell me to read the book of Mormon where Jesus went to the Indians, eh?
Thank you,
Chris Perkins
in God ravaged New Orleans
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Why is it that all the Bible thumpers have no clue about grammar and spelling? Just curious….
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Yes stop investigating. Stop researching biology and physics. Stop making progress in medicine, science and technology. You don’t need to read the entire bible. This is all you need to know. Now shut up.
By the word of the Lord were the heavens made,
their starry host by the breath of His mouth.
Psalm 33:6
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I read the bible and as far as drama goes I really prefer Tennessee Williams. The dialogue is much more crisp and the character development is very deep in all of Williams’ books. We should get together and discuss novels more often! Another slice of coffee cake?
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The Flying Spaghetti Monster made EVERYTHING… so tell this Lord character to stop taking all the credit, please.
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Dear (no name given),
“and i hope you change sometime in your life so you can make it to heaven”…..This always puzzles me. Why would you care enough about me to want me to repent so I can go to heaven, but call me stupid and idiotic in the same paragraph? Who made you judge and jury? Let’s get down to it. You don’t give two sh*ts about me or anyone who denies the existence of god, or who challenges your religion. You just think that your little tirade makes you look good in front of your (non-existent) god. Your holier-than-thou stink is making my nose burn. Go play in the street, too. Write back, I dare ‘ya….
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“Get a Gospel of the Flyin Spaghetti Monster…and read it throughly
Stop being stupid
FSM is our maker
leave that as it be, because it IS the truth
and to the comment above me, that was FSM hoping to help.
I feel for all of you who believe this idiotic belief of christianity.
and i hope you change sometime in your life so you can make it to paradise.”
Fix’d.
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I’ll tell you what, why dont we read the Bible together. I have the perfect website that we can use as a guide to follow along with a Bible: http://www.evilbible.com
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Me likey bibles…
Don’t forget yer water…
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Kevin, *HIGH FIVE*
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RAmen to Kevin!!!!!!!!!!!
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Miracle water Peter?
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I’ve read your Bible. More than once. Have you read my Gospel?
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As for Truth? Well, I can get more wisdom from Baba Yaga and Mother Goose.
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OEJ, Ship’s Navigator
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I read some of a xtian bible once. Bit too much sado-masochism for me!
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Nikky—”I read some of a xtian bible once. Bit too much sado-masochism for me!”
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Oh, come on now, you know you lurve to give good spanking to those who deserve it. Well okay, maybe not a spanking, but dunking your niece in the pool for the water bomb certainly counts as retribution. ;)
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@ ‘trick
Nice one, evilbible.com says it all. I especially like the bit about buying the man a beer. Must be a closet Pastafarian or have Pirate blood coursing through his veins.
RAmen
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@MJK
“but dunking your niece in the pool for the water bomb certainly counts as retribution. ;)”
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hahaha
I wrote that bit wrong in that post MJK, she chose to put her own head in.
BTW There appears to be a resident YEC fundie (tag: PB) on that BBC Will and Testament site.
That page takes ages to load though. At present all the action is on:
Defending Andy McIntosh
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/ni/2006/12/defending_andy_mcintosh_1.html
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Just another entertainment option if home base is a bit quiet. :)
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Read “Misquoting Jesus” by Bart Ehrman, and maybe then you may begin to realize what the Bible really is, who shaped it, and why it’s a human book all along. If God can’t preserve the words of the Bible, what are the odds that he created those words? Did he create your Bible and decide to stop caring about human error and misquotations as soon as he “created” it? Unlikely.
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Nikky—”Just another entertainment option if home base is a bit quiet. :)” prrrrr…prrrr…prrr….
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Yeah, I just noticed that Yaser bloke spamming the snot out of the Comment on the open letter thread. I was going to refer to him as a wanker for his heresy of our Church, but it appears that he is a Dawkins supporter and was just drumming up business for his blog.
MJK
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I have eaten nonflying spaghtti, very tasty.
I have also eaten the body of christ, bit bland.
Interestingly I have drunk the blood of christ, it had a very high alcohol content, I would recomend this with spaghetti.
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@ Barny, Hi
Everything tastes better with…
Jesus Christ Almighty… Mighty… Miracle water…
And I will no longer use a crayon to address the envelopes!
I’ve got a Magic Marker now…
So order today…
Ramen
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Hi Peter
I have nothing magic to mark, and crayons are tastier.
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I have a bile, and have read it thoroughly,
It is stupid.
You are stupid.
God and the bible are only related in that the bible purports to represent god.
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and i hope you change sometime in your life so you can do something with the only life you have and stop with all this god crap.
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Get a The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster… and read it throughly
Stop being stupid
Flying Spaghetti Monster is our maker
leave that as it be, because it IS the truth
and to the comment above me, that was Flying Spaghetti Monster hoping to help.
I feel for all of you who believe this idiotic Christian belief.
and i hope you change sometime in your life so you can make it to heaven with a beer volcano. And a stripper factory.
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@Mad John Kidd
“prrrrr…prrrr…prrr….”
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Exactly! Already been there done that. :))
I’m onto this one now.
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“The problem with secularism”
“….The attacks on religion are becoming ever more shrill and desperate — a clear sign of atheist anxiety about the status of their own first principles and explanatory frameworks.
This atheist apprehension is well founded, as the latest developments in biology, physics and philosophy all open the door to a revivified theology and a religious metaphysics.
Darwinism is close to being completely rewritten…..”
http://richarddawkins.net/article,450,The-problem-with-secularism,Phillip-Blond-and-Adrian-Pabst-ihtcom
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Only halfway through tha comments at present, but looks like all the really good ones have already been taken. The articale is a humorous read.
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@Barny Dec 28th, 2006 at 3:27 pm
“I have nothing magic to mark, and crayons are tastier.”
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hahahaha
RAmen Barny
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Polar Bears are dying!
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“Only halfway through tha comments at present, but looks like all the really good ones have already been taken. The articale is a humorous read.”
RAmen
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Dawkins website is the best place on the net for criticisms of his book!
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Save the Polar Bears! We need more Pirates stat! Quick, print up some more pamphlets and get on to a conversion excursion, everyone!
And don’t forget to bring some of Peter’s miracle water with you!
RAmen
MJK
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I read the bible once, at least part of it. A bit confusing. Example: where did all the people come from? Spontaneous generation? or serious inbreeding?
specific ex: Abraham isa certain age, and issac is ,like, 8. Four years later, Issac is 12 and Abraham has only aged TWO years. Does god make typos? NO. Therefor, the bible is a human creation, just like god, and should not be relied on as the end all end all.
I ♥ logic.^_^
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I tried to read the bible once, but due to the author’s poor writing abilities (it sounded like one long sentence filled with ‘and then… and then… and then…’), I gave up out of sheer boredom.
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The Gospel of the FSM has much more of a readable style to it. You should read it one day. You don’t even have to read it thoroughly to get into it.
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Once you’ve read it & have tasted the true savioury delight, then I look forward to meeting you at the Beer Volcano.
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BTW: you should also read some of Dr. David Bourland Jr’s writings on E-prime (English without the verb ‘to be’). You fundamentalists seem to overuse the word ‘IS’ to the point where it tends to block most of your attempts in rational communication with others (&, ultimately, within yourself).
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St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Is-lessness
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@ L’TUAE_42 Dec 28th, 2006 at 5:29 pm
“I read the bible once, at least part of it. A bit confusing. Example:
where did all the people come from?”
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Supernatural be-gatting perhaps?
RAmen
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@ L’TUAE_42 Dec 28th, 2006 at 5:29 pm
“I read the bible once, at least part of it. A bit confusing. Example:
where did all the people come from?â€
.
Never question gods work!
Ramen
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FSM IS OUR CREATOR!!!!
(And My Father)
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Hi, Jesus
You say the FSM is your father?
Does that make you like a Spaghetti-o, or something?
Also, thanks because I didn’t know if the FSM was a man or a woman?
Or a man/woman for that matter?
Ramen
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I believe in and worship 9:30 , without question…. It works, believe me. Try it give it a chance, I was once despondent, depressed and gave up on religion, however I decided to give religion another chance when I drove by a church and on the sign out side it said ” worship 9:30″ I have tried it. It works…. I can worship twice a day, if I am not using millitary time. And I do not even believe in the existence of time………
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Suppose you had never heard of Christianity, and that next Sundat morning a stranger standing in a pulpit told you about a book whose authors could not be authenticated and whose contents, written thousands of years ago, included blood-curdling legends of slaughter and intrigue and fables about unnatural happenings such as virgin births, devils that inhabit human bodies and talk, people rising from the dead and ascending live into the clouds, and suns that stand still. Suppose then he asked you to believe – without one shred of evidence – that an uneducated man described in that book was in fact a god who could get you into an eternal fantasy place called heaven when you die, but you dont really die. Would you, as an intelligent rational human being even bother to read such nonsense, let alone pattern your whole life upon it? The Bible seems to be a book written by nobody knows who in a barbaric age, solely about the Jews and their superstitions. But in answer to your question – I’ve got a bible – read it all – turned me into an avowed atheist.
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@Vlad the inhaler
Hmm….I must concede that you have some heady evidence there, for the deity you have chosen to worship. However I am kinda still attached to our creator of un-intelligent design, that is the FSM. What does 9:30 say about beer and strippers in 9:30 heaven?
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What exactly has Vlad been inhaling?
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hahahaha
That’s similar to one my father used to trot out sometimes, when we drove past one of those boards at the front of a church.
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My dad used to say… “life is short” wear a helmet!
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Ahh….”metal” help Peter! Just what some of the xtians advise too! :)
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You people make me laugh.
*Does an accent* “I’m gonna go to church to worship an invisible god. I’m going to become a nun so that I can give up love and sex, because god’s love and sex rules all!”
That’s just scary. I don’t know, but maybe you should see a doctor if you think your imaginary friend is going to do the above for you.
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Yeah
Pastafarians are allowed love and sex. It’s the flimsy morals thing. Beer and strippers in heaven too. Why would anyone want to worship a dusty old book and an imaginary friend over FSM?
RAmen
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Wench Nikky Dec 28th, 2006 at 9:41 pm
Ahh….â€metal†help Peter! Just what some of the xtians advise too! :)
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Hahahaha, I’ll help in any way I can,
Hahahaha
Ramen
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PirateyMorgan Dec 28th, 2006 at 9:43 pm
You people make me laugh.
*Does an accent* “I’m gonna go to church to worship an invisible god. I’m going to become a nun so that I can give up love and sex, because god’s love and sex rules all!â€
That’s just scary. I don’t know, but maybe you should see a doctor if you think your imaginary friend is going to do the above for you.
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Best what I can say, don’t knock it! Til you’ve tried it! And/or chipped your teeth on it.
Ramen
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I though Piratey post was at the initial poster? Going by the name?
@PirateyMorgan
“You people make me laugh.”
Us or them?
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My heaven has a stripper factory and a beer volcano. Your heaven has my two ex wives and two ex mother in laws. This is not a difficult decision to make. May the FSM wrap you softly in his noodly goodness.
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Hey, Joe… Me likey your xwives!
Heh heh,
They treat me real nice…
Ramen
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Umm… completely ignoring the 50 or so posts above me, I just want to know… how are we supposed to read a bible “throughly”?
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We can read a bible through, and we can read a bible thoroughly, and we could even theoretically read a bible throw, though I would not care to.
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Methinks someone should attempt to correct his spelling (not to mention grammar, anyone notice the ‘and’s starting the sentences?) before calling us all stupid.
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Woops, two ands in the first sentance, delete the one before thoroughly.
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I can’t correct someone’s grammar if I make similar mistakes.
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