Dear People who believe in the FSM,
Bobby Henderson is the next Jim Jones. Run, run while you still can.
Thank You,
TheLaughingMan
*update* TLM’s comment @ 8:15pm:
May I make a suggestion to all of you who still believe in the FSM. Buy this book. Recovery from Cults: Help for Victims of Psychological and Spiritual Abuse
I just wanted to note that TLM’s suggested book is amazon-ranked at approximately #153,000, whereas The Gospel is currently ranked at #825 (lower is better).
*update* TLM’s comment @ 9:17pm:
I’m not trying to make anything personal… I’m just simply pointing out that historically people who are insane and lead cults end up in bad situations. I just thought I’d give you guys a heads up.
In truth I really want just one thing. As soon as Bobby Henderson publicly announces that FSM is a farce… then I’ll shut up and go away. But as long as you guys try to continue making this thing a real religion… then I’m going to keep replying. There are too many religions screwing up the world as it is… we don’t need an FSM to add to the pile.
Well, Wench Nikkiee, I lost my last oar to The Laughing Man. Yes, the stick that was up his ass was really inferior so I decided to glue my last oar up his arrogant, Dokta-Martin-In-The-Making fuckwad bum. In a way, I feel like I have been freed. In another way, I feel sad, like a dad who watched his son become a hobo.
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Hmmm…
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As far as I have ever been able to figure, man created god(s). Not the other way aroung. (Begging pardon from His Noodliness. Arrr!)
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Thousands of years ago if people heard voices in their heads, some of them apparently could get away with saying it was ‘god’, or an ‘angel’, or whatever, speaking to them. Now when people hear voices in their heads they are either institutionalized or given proper treatment. Auditory hallucinations are now recognized as a mental disorder.
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There is even research being done that seems to help some people who suffer from voices in their heads.
http://www.webmd.com/content/article/23/1728_55970.htm
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Auditory hallucinations can be a symptom of schizophrenia:
http://www.psychiatry24×7.com/bgdisplay.jhtml?itemname=schizophrenia_symptoms&page=ecall
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Thousands of years ago people may have been able to use their mental disorders for their own purposes. Of course, they didn’t know they had a mental disorder. Neither did anyone else. I bet some of the ‘prophets’ were actually suffering from mental disorders. The Muslims’ Mohammed might be a prime example.
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Of course this is all conjecture on my part, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it somehow turned out that most, if not all, of the beloved so-called ‘prophets’ were actually just suffering from mental illness!
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These guys were nuts. In more ways than one.
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That was just so good of you Oarless Marc. It’s beginning to look like we’ve seen the end of incoming fresh Oars, so to part with something so meaningfull, was very chivalrous
of you indeed. Hope TLM appreciates your gesture the way he should.
RAmen
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Well back to the saltmines for me. The bloody weather here at the moment doesn’t seem to know whether it’s coming or going. When I go back out, if it starts to rain again, I’ll…I’ll.. well I just will. (two periods of sun and two periods of rain so far this am….it’s 12.30pm now !!)
Have to be careful about the anti-melt in this sort of weather. I don’t know if it is water- proof.
RAmen
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If you look at the fsm art that was attached with the open letter, as well as read the open letter, and look at the graph, and the first thing you think is “This is a cult trying to suck people in”, you really need help. Really. I’m serious. Thank you for bringing your mental lapse here for us to laugh at though, you’re a great source of comedy.
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@Whathellman
Yeah…and what was the second thing you thought?…the FSM loves you dude!…wake up and smell the rich cheesy aroma of his acceptance…you’re not alone anymore Whathellman…join our merry band of scallywags and shipmates and you to can taste the beer and strippers of everlasting happy hour.
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Where have all the wenches gone?
Long time passing?
I like the short one…
and the tall one…
Ramen
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@whathellman
RAmen
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@Spotted Zebra
Maybe a re-read of whathellman’s post
RAmen
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Now… How about the short one????
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@Whathellman
Oops…my bad…sorry Whathellman…hey I’ve had a lot on my plate with the depressed parrot and all…RAmen
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How is your parrot Spotted Zebra? Are the feathers regrowing?
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@Peter Popoff
I’m only here for a short break to re-apply some anti-melt.
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@Wench Nikkiee
Be nice…he’s mentally ill…I accidently left the TV on over night and exposed him to an hour of Kenneth Copeland ministries…depression…is ugly.
RAmen
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Nikkiee, I hear ya! I do…
‘ve got to be gettin’ wit me misses anyway.
It’s almost midnite here, and she’s been a wonderin’ why I don’t come ta bed anymore…
So I think I better! heh heh, g’nite all…
Ramen
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@Spotted Zebra
urr…..I hope he’s not repeating any of it.
A friend of mine breeds birds, so I’m thinking of getting a parrot and teaching it to say
“look out, she be a pirate wench, a pirate wench I tell ya”
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hmm….meant to put a screech in the middle of the parrot speech.
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Night Peter
ps Does she know you been on the net looking for wenches?
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@Wench Nikkiee
I’m trying to teach him to recite the FSM Gospel in 7 different languages…will be a hoot at parties.
RAmen
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Wench Nikkiee Dec 11th, 2006 at 10:22 pm
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Night Peter
ps Does she know you been on the net looking for wenches?
As she stands over me shoulder readin’ these post’s?
Yep! I think she knows!
G’nite all…
Ramen
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Hello Peter’s wife, G’nite
RAmen
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@Spotted Zebra,
In the meantime, for his depression, might I suggest singing him a couple of piratey shanties and maybe sitting with him to watch a good old fashioned pirate movie.
That should cure him.
RAmen
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@@Spotted Zebra
‘teach him to recite the FSM Gospel in 7 different languages…will be a hoot at parties.’
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I don’t know, there is absolutely nothing worse than a vocal, over educated parrot. He may end up sounding like TLM.
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Folks, I was introduced to a man today. A wonderfully loving and caring man. In fact, he’s a magic man.
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This man is named Jesus!
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My life has been changed!
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I have seen the light, and it is good. I have given up my hedonistic worship of pasta for a life spent basking in the glory of Christs light! Not the tacky christmas lights your neighbor put up, but the one true light.
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I have also given up my hedonistic lust for both of our resident wenches (thats right both the short and tall). I have given up beer as well as strippers, and will no longer drink the Kool-Aid!
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I may not be around that often, as I’ll be busy studying scripture, praying, evangelizing to the poor wretched masses, attending pot-luck dinners, and calling bingo balls at the tri-weekly church social.
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For some reason I have the growing urge to call you all gay. I have the urge to describe how you and your gay lovers love to get it on while praying to your stupid spaghetti. I also feel the need to tell you that I enjoy gay sex with your FSM, and ask you “How do you like your stupid religion now?”. Strange huh?
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Anyway, I’ll still come by to try and save some of you poor lost souls, condemn others to hell, and call the rest of you gay.
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Hope you all find Jesus soon, Sincerely,
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Nick the Bible Thumper.
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Gurrh…..skitch your parrot onto him Spotted Zebra.
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@Spotted Zebra.
Try ‘The Crimson Pirate’ – classic then look for homage in POC.
But a primary and definitive source has to be Muppets Treasure Island.
A much mis-understood work of genius.
I am sure that Jim Henson was touched by his noodly appendage.
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@J Dec 11th, 2006 at 6:30 pm
Give the ‘big guy’ – hint hint – a break.
I find typing on this laptop hard enough imagine what it would be like with giant ‘god-style’ hands. 5wpm would be pretty good.
So on that basis Buck’s argument is gaining strength…
Actually poor typing on the part of the big beardy bloke in the sky could be used by the fundies to explain a lot of stuff in the bible.
[in big booming voice] Oh bugger, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” – where’s the backspace on this thing.
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Nick has forsaken you , O Noodley Master. Cross him off your list. No beer and strippers for Nick the Bible Thumper (formerly Nick the Infidel). It’s one thing not to believe to start with, but entirely another to betray His Noodleyness’s faith in you Nick. He loves you, you know that don’t you? But how can He keep loving you when you close your heart to Him?
RAmen
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Strong words coming from a jezebel. You won’t sound so smart when you are stoking the fires in hell. I care nothing about betraying spaghetti. I eat spaghetti all the time. Find Jesus or burn in hell!
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Oh, and you’re gay!
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If being a lesbian trapped in a man’s body counts as being “gay”, then I’m okay with that. Thanks Nick!
RAmen
MJK
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@ Booty—Dec 11, 2006 at 12:36pm
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I would be very much inerested in seeing your blog. Would you mind posting a link? Thank you and RAmen
MJK
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@bibble dribble thumper
you’re gay!’
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The word is faggot if you don’t mind. You are new at this aren’t you. Jeebus hath already removed all your wit. You will regret you betrayal.
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‘Find Jesus’
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Have you got a map?
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faggot? What does a pile of wood have to do with this?
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You’re gay!
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Sorry about starting the quote fest. Particularly as I’m crap at remembering quotes for the most part. I only bother with the ones I really like. Though there is this one.
“The only good religion is a dead religion. No one minds if you rip off their mythology and it’s followers aren’t going to kill you.” Jon E
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We are all a bunch of monkeys. Watch the vid (about three minutes) and all will be revealed. See if you can spot the FSM!!!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=a15KgyXBX24
RAmen
MJK
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Dance monkeys, DANCE!
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Sad but true though.
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Save yourself for TLM, fundie, he apparently despises all religion. That should be fun!
Next you’ll be turning up here armed with oars! The FSM is the one true God.
RAmen
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Now where that clip.
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TLM found out my true identity – Hippie Housewife. Alas, how I long for the days when I was the Cap’n’s cabin wench. Now all I do is iron and burn sage all over the boat. Do you know how difficult it is to keep pirates’ clothing wrinkle-free with Ol’ Man Sea always messing things up? An’ the Cap’n be wearin’ linen besides. When we get to port I’m going to organize a Million-Wench March in protest of the horrible working conditions.
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* Disclaimer: The statement above is actually farcical, in direct contrast to the official teachings of the CoFSM. Any comparison with reality is sorely accidental.
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* Other Disclaimer: Although I’m sure I would have been a hippie if I had been able, I was too young for the actual hippie movement in the 60’s and 70’s. My generation got hair bands, punk music, Reaganomics, and crack cocaine. What a ripoff, except for the punk music, and maybe some of the hair bands.
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* Another Disclaimer: I think that the term ‘housewife’ is no longer politically correct. I believe the accepted term is something like ‘Household General Manager’ or ‘Chief Homstead Administrator.” Either way, it’s an extremely difficult and underappreciated job. However, I also have a full-time job and a professional license to maintain.
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I’ll have to stop missing letters in my posts, starting to sound like a fundie myself. Why is it you always think you can type a little faster than you really can?
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Over confidence and the desire to get an idea out before you forget it, or at least that’s generally my excuse.
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Nikkiee—”Why is it you always think you can type a little faster than you really can?”
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Truly one of His Noodliness’ greatest mysteries.
RAmen
MJK
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ps—You said “beta Galactosidase” on the KS Board thread. That just made my day. ;)
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@Mad John
Excellent video clip :)
RAmen
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@IroningWench (formerly SaucyWench)
‘Do you know how difficult it is to keep pirates’ clothing wrinkle-free with Ol’ Man Sea always messing things up? An’ the Cap’n be wearin’ linen besides.’
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Ah…you be needing some of my famous smiting starch, IroningWench. Us it for smiting and/or ironing. I shall be happy to support your ‘Million-Wench March’ for I would like to see a shark free spa-pool built on the galleon.
Wenches together in all sorts of piratey weather. (you don’t think that’s too sexist do you?)
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@ WN – No, I don’t think it’s too sexist, but then again, I’m not too well-schooled about these things. I’d vote for a spa-pool, though. I’m off for another day of launderin’!
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@Mad John Kidd
It’s a way handy enzyme Mad John. I even think I spelt it right. Our precious beetle is certainly doing a wonderful job on leucine and I get to be lazy.
RAmen
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@Jon E
‘Over confidence and the desire to get an idea out before you forget it, or at least that’s generally my excuse.’
I was thinking that exact thought just as I posted.
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Well stars are out at present, so maybe it will be fine in the morning. Have to get up early and catch up on some work outside before it gets too hot. Catch you guys later.
RAmen
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@nick the bible thumber
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i see that you are homophobic. some great loving christian that you are.
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Sleep well, Nikkiee. May your dreams be warm and Noodley.
Catch you on the morrow. Arrgh!
RAmen
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http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/6216788.stm
So will any of you be visiting that nice Mr Hamms new museum?
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This one just made me go WTF!
http://www.observertoday.com/articles.asp?articleID=7420
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@Jon,
I just love the way they ended the BBC article:
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“Despite adopting the structure and technology of the most extravagant science museum, it remains that none of it is remotely plausible without first accepting Genesis.
Without taking that leap and rejecting centuries of scientific reasoning, it all resembles just another Disney-style magic kingdom.”
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Emphasis on “rejecting centuries of scientific reasoning”.
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On a happier note, the NYT has a good article from a few days ago: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/10/science/10cnd-evolve.html?em&ex=1166072400&en=47149748b21bff15&ei=5087
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Thanks for the read!
RAmen.
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WTF, is it good satire, or appalling stupidity of galactic magnitude!
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I don’t have the time or energy to follow it up.
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A creationist “museum”? What has happened to teaching standards in middle America?
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