Dear People who believe in the FSM,
Bobby Henderson is the next Jim Jones. Run, run while you still can.
Thank You,
TheLaughingMan
*update* TLM’s comment @ 8:15pm:
May I make a suggestion to all of you who still believe in the FSM. Buy this book. Recovery from Cults: Help for Victims of Psychological and Spiritual Abuse
I just wanted to note that TLM’s suggested book is amazon-ranked at approximately #153,000, whereas The Gospel is currently ranked at #825 (lower is better).
*update* TLM’s comment @ 9:17pm:
I’m not trying to make anything personal… I’m just simply pointing out that historically people who are insane and lead cults end up in bad situations. I just thought I’d give you guys a heads up.
In truth I really want just one thing. As soon as Bobby Henderson publicly announces that FSM is a farce… then I’ll shut up and go away. But as long as you guys try to continue making this thing a real religion… then I’m going to keep replying. There are too many religions screwing up the world as it is… we don’t need an FSM to add to the pile.
Do you have a porn collection Saucy or is it up too high for you to reach?
(couldn’t resist ;)
RAmen
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Nikkiee, are you referencing my porn and midgits rant from a few weeks ago? If so you have a great memory!
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@Saucy
“my diminutive stature would be more useful than having all the clods out there ask me “How’s the weather down there? ..”
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I always got the exact opposite! Also got “I think we’ll call you Lucky because you’re lucky your legs don’t snap and go up your **e. Nice! I remember spending a bit of time at school walking around slightly hunched.
RAmen
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As a descendant of the Venerable Midgit, I am above such matters of the flesh. I regularly have to ask tall shoppers to get items down from the shelves in the grocery store though. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
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Nick the Infidel Dec 10th, 2006 at 5:22 pm
‘I tried flailing myself with a cat-of-nine-noodles, but they kept breaking!’
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You need to cook them first Nick! For flailing noodles, be sure to add lots of extra salt to the boiling water..
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“Nikkiee, are you referencing my porn and midgits rant from a few weeks ago? If so you have a great memory!’
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I do vaguely remember a post to that effect Nick. Main thing I’ve remembered from posts about this (there have been others I think) is to ‘put the porn up high”
RAmen
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@SaucyWench
“I regularly have to ask tall shoppers to get items down from the shelves in the grocery store though.”
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At least you probably always find the legroom in cars adequate.
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No, No. Nooo. The main thing is that you protect your copy of the gospel by placing it up high on the shelf. The BIG mistake is also placing your porn on a high shelf. The midgits will inevitably find your porn regardless of what you do! If the two are close together the midgit is likely to find your copy of the gospel as well.
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The solution I offered was to hide the porn on low shelves. Thus they’ll have no need to go to a higher shelf! The porn will also occupy them until you get home, at which point, due to their porn weary state, they can easily be scuttled out the back door with a broom!
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That’s right……I do remember now! Yes that makes more sense.
RAmen
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I found it! This was in response to someone who claimed our religion was insensitive to midgits! Sorry to re-post this, but I was proud of it! :
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”
Puffyfish,
Obviously you have not read your gospel. The first page contains a “Disclaimer About Midgits†that addresses just this issue. In case you don’t have your copy handy, I will reproduce it here for you now.
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“Disclaimer About Midgets*:
Our religion does not wish to discriminate or cause hurt feelings anong any groups -and this is especially true of the very short, who if provoked, could easily appear out of nowhere and attack. as a solution, we offer the following:
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To prevent angering the little people community. we suggest that this book be placed on the very highest shelf possible.
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*Sometimes referred to as ‘midgits’ or ‘little people’.â€
That’s it, straight from his noodly voice.
Of course the internet presents a problem that our noodly creator may not have envisioned, that of non-height restricted access to the gospel. I think Bobby has been working on this problem though. Its difficult to filter out short people on the internets, without also filtering out young people, a key demographic when it comes to religious conversion.
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Not to go against the noodly word, but the “top shelf†method probably never worked that well in the first place. This was the method my father employed when hiding his extensive porn collection. I can attest to the fact that I was able to overcome such height-based censorship, even though I was still very short in stature.
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This, coupled with the midgits well known love of porn, leads me to believe that the little buggers will get to it if they really want to, regardless.
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Thus, as a solution I offer the following: Keep your gopsel on the top shelf, but keep all your porn on the lower shelves. Any would-be midgits will find your porn easily. They’ll have no reason to go climbing shelves in search of it, where they might run across the gospel.
Plus the porn will keep them occupied until you get home. In their porn-weary state, you will easily be able to just scuttle them out the back door with a broom.
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I hope this clears up any confusion about our earnest attempts to not offend midgits.”
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BTW people, when I mentioned legroom in cars, I was talking about driving. Sometimes I have an uncanny feeling, I have some insight into the thought processes of some Pastafarians.
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I think you have all been secretly training me, towards a certain angle of thought process.
Thanks
RAmen
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@ WN – Yes, I always have legroom. It’s all relative, isn’t it? I didn’t realize for a long time that tall people also were different and had to put up with their own sort of inconveniences.
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I just thought “ooh long legs, nice”! But alas, now you’ve given me a whole other set of images to work with!
RAmen to that!
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All part of the service ;)
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@SaucyWench Dec 10th, 2006 at 6:48 pm
‘It’s all relative, isn’t it? I didn’t realize for a long time that tall people also were different and had to put up with their own sort of inconveniences.’
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Most kitchen benches ect are designed for an average height. Even the benches in labs.
Can be backbreaking sometimes. I am 5′10″ and so at home, my kitchen benches/sink heights ect. have been planned for that.
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I’m gonna let that one go, as gratuituous inference of inuendo in the house of our lord, might be frowmed upon.
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Als my best friend from my primary school days was 5′ nothing. A real pain in the butt for swapping clothes and shoes.
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Hey do any of your post in the FSM Discussion Forum? I know that OneEyedJack does.
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@Nick
hahahaha…….
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“Egos the size of his rarely leave much room for real friends.” =0 I just realized…..TLM must be Herr Dokter’s offspring! Obviously he inherited the ego….
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Where is the discussion forum? I made a half-baked attempt to find it once, but it must have been on a high shelf.
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I’m thinking about going there when being silly occassionally looses it’s appeal. At present, I’m just enjoying not having to think too seriously about anything. No doubt when Holiday kicks in a little more, I may feel a need to sharpen up a little. At present though, the CoFSM is more my speed.
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RAmen to all of the faithful defenders of Our Faith. You know who you are. This UnLaughingBoy must have been thinking quite highly of himself to actually believe that he said or did anything to discourage OUR belief in His Noodly Goodness. In fact, from what he claims as a detriment, I have seen nothing but support. The more he protests the more he validates OUR religion. May his insidious diatribes continue as a great test of Our Faith and bind us together in conviction. For we are truly suckers for a good audience and are blessed by an audience of the one UnLaughingBoy.
RAmen
MJK
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Hmm….speaking of getting serious, the weather appears to be lifting. Scary!
I’m going to have to take some “Anti-Melt’ and go outside shortly. I’m scared :(
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“You’re such an inspiration for the ways that I will never ever choose to be. Oh so many ways for me to show you how your saint has abandoned you. Fuck your God†Judith by A Perfect Circle
Nice, you take a perfectly good lyric( It’s wrong by the way) and try to utiltize it to validate your point. However, this lyric is talking about another bullshit religion known as Christianity!
Check it out, Maynard isn’t particularly a big fan of that little scam. Just like your not a big fan of this one!
Here are the actual lyrics:
You’re such an inspiration for the ways
That I’ll never ever choose to be
Oh so many ways for me to show you
How the savior has abandoned you
Fuck your God
Your Lord and your Christ
He did this
Took all you had and
Left you this way
Still you pray, you never stray
Never taste of the fruit
You never thought to question why
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@MJK
“May his insidious diatribes continue as a great test of Our Faith and bind us together in conviction.”
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Hi Mad John, I have been having those very same thoughts. The boy does wonders for our unity.
RAmen
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@ Nikki
Welcome back to the shores of the living for we have surely missed you. Rejoice, she has risen! Glad to here of your exploits in the Great Beyond but I knew that Our Noodly Master still had plans for you amoungst us mere mortals. So much to do: Spreading the Word, Smiting the trolls with the Sacred Sword of Sarcasm….a Pastarafians work is never done.
RAmen
MJK
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Saucy, its @
http://www.venganza.org/forum/index.php
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From here you can go “worship” then “discussion forum” and click the link.
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Wenchie theres plenty of room for being silly over there! Actually there are entire sections devoted entirely to such pursuits.
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Plus there are never 200 posts in one day, so its easier to catch up where you left off. Of course, we don’t really get trolls of the caliber of TLM. So I use the forum for troll-free discussion, but shoot over here to get my troll fix.
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The discussion link, seems to have been suspisciously hidden on these pages. It seems like there may have been some sort of scism between Bobby and the Mods at the forum.
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Speakin of the afterlife and the Beer Volcanoes, someone asked earlier, about whether there was any ‘ironing’ there. Those who were wearing any attire at all, seemed to prefer a toga style of dress, so I’d say you can forget about ironing in Pastafarian heaven. I didn’t see any ironing boards either.
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Yes Nikkiee,
I’m glad you’re no longer a ghost! That scared me, just like up side wrong clowns do.
It just ain’t right!
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@Everybody, I just wanted to say… I like Wenches… short… tall… I like ‘em all!
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See and you thought, I was going to ask you to…
Buy some of my water…
Ramen
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Togas? Well the Romans sure knew how to throw a party, I can tell you that for nothing.
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@ Nick the Infidel,
I’m on there as…Swabbies Bucket.
But exactly like Nikkiee said. I come here to “not” think real hard.
And to help defend the church… and to try to sell my water…
Ramen
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Thanks, Nick. I took a look, and I’ll have to check it out later. It seems way too complicated to figure out right now. Now, back to the midgit thing. I was working in a nursing home and I was in line to get my lunch at the cafeteria. One of the residents, who was quite deaf, “whispered” loudly to her tablemate, “Look, it’s a midget!” I got a big kick out of it, but later on I started to wonder, “Am I really a small person and nobody ever told me? Could I be that clueless?” I told my sister about it later and she assured me that I’m just short. I’m not saying that like it’s a bad thing, by the way.
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Thanks Pop, Swabbies Bucket, I’ll have to remember that!
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I’m KidDirty over there.
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That place is not that complicated, at least there, I can figure out where I have posted before. Here, I just pick a thread and have to weave my way through hundreds of comments.
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Yes, you’re that short a person
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I go over to the Discussion Forum (as well as to the Dawkin’s threads) sometimes, for a bit of a readwhen it’s a bit dead around here. Most of the time, I also feel that, if I started posting there I would become a bit too time challenged to play with the trolls/jeezuz deciples who come here. I have a tendency to get sucked in to a thread.
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Plus, you can send someone a PM there.
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That way you could hit on Nikkiee or Saucy without all you onlookers to mess up my (umm I mean your) game.
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@Saucy
“Look, it’s a midget! …..I told my sister about it later and she assured me that I’m just short.”
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hahahahaha….(I have no political correctness whatsoever)….hahaha
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Haha, Hit on the wenches in private! Haha, I’ll store your handle there, and I just may PM ya!
I was thinking of writing a song or two to post over there, it’s the whole time-thought thing.
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Hey! Keep it clean. My daughter just posted something (mymotherisanoob). What the hell is a noob? Isn’t it past your bedtime?
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I think that means…. new-be ? I think?
Keep it clean? huh “shrug” Whats that?
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Ooohhh its a “My Insects Love Flying” Wench
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Nice!
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OK, the sun is out here now….I’ve taken my anti-melt medication, done the deep breathing exercises….so I’m going outside. Please to be praying, to His Noodleyness for me, that this anti-melt really works.
Catch you all later. (maybe)
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This is how I bond with my parents as well.
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Oh, I guess that was supposed it be mymomisanoob, not mymotherisanoob. I anways get that wrong. I guess it’s cool to say “Your mom” or (”Your mum” for those of you across the pond). I always say “Your mother” instead. Oh my, I am a nerd. I rarely iron though, and never while online.
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It’s past my bedtime too. We wench/midgits need our beauty rest.
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Who, I wonder, is ‘Pablo Diablo’…?
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(Click the name, click the name, click the name…)
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Typical, The wenchies leave, and the thread goes cold.
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Heeeeeellllllllooooooooooo eeeeelllooooooooo eeeeelllooooo eellllooo elllo ello ello elo……………..
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Hi Nick,
I just raised my head and realized, I passed out at the computer, again!
It’s been a long day for me, not sure if I’ll be up much longer or not?
But at any rate… I think TLM said he comes on about this time of night?
Give or take, whenever he’s done dribbling or something like that?
It should liven up if he does.
Ramen
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Oh yeah, he has to answer all the instant messages from his non-nerdy friends at about this time.
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I’ll look forward to it. I really haven’t spent enough quality time with TLM lately.
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