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The satirical news magazine The Onion has a new article out on the Kansas Intelligent Design / Evolution issue:Â Kansas Outlaws Practice Of Evolution.
In response to a Nov. 7 referendum, Kansas lawmakers passed emergency legislation outlawing evolution, the highly controversial process responsible for the development and diversity of species and the continued survival of all life.
Link to article.
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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well, maybe it’s true, and people in kansas AREN’T evolving anymore. They’ve grown to be dumb, which suits them perfectly, their enviroment doesn’t require to use a brain.
Or maybe they ARE evolving…In 2506 a person from kansas will have a sign saying “I’m a republican and I’m proud of it” from birth, a brain the size of a orange and their brain whenever confronted with a different opinion will initiate a massive drooling process…
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Yargh, me-thinks the misguided leglislators of Kansas be not only sauceless, but also full of scurvy. Why else would they be doin’ such hornswagglin’ and misdirectin’? Time to send down to Davy Jone’s Locker says I…or maybe Canada. Yargh!!!
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“The sweeping new law prohibits all living beings within state borders from being born with random genetic mutations that could make them better suited to evade predators, secure a mate, or, adapt to a changing environment.”
“In addition, it bars any sexual reproduction…”
Damn!!!
“Violators of the new law may face…rehabilitative education and training to rid organisms suspected of evolutionary tendencies”
Those pesky organisms!
“Under particular scrutiny are single-cell microorganisms…”
That’s right, no good amoebas
“Although the full impact of the new law will likely not be felt for approximately 10 million years, most Kansans say they are relieved that the ban went into effect this week, claiming that evolution may have gone too far already.”
I’m done with sarcasm for this one, what a bunch of morons!!!
“A police raid on an alleged artificial-insemination facility outside McPherson, KS on Friday resulted in the arrest of a farmer, a veterinarian, four assistants, one bull, and several dozen cows.”
They’re just doing their jobs
W…T…F
Pixel Pete strikes again!!!
Xenophobia rules!!!
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Sorry to disappoint you guys but Kansas already had its first case of bird flu. Even the new law can’t go back in time and change that. At least, not without a Time Lord anyway.
RAmen
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Sounds like The Chrystalids.
All Kansans with six toes better start running!
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Isn’t that the norm?
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I think the time is nigh for the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to advocate mandatory abortions, and I think it would be perfectly in line with the original mission of the Church. Besides, the evolution-ID debate has more or less died down, and the Church needs something to bring in some more followers.
With this new position, a woman who finds herself unintentionally pregnant can hear from both sides of the issue: people who want her to not get an abortion no matter her individual circumstances, and people who want her get an abortion no matter her individual circumstances.
It’s all about evening out the debate, and ensuring all sides are heard.
- RG>
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Hehehe… I misread the headline as “Kansas Outlaws Practice Evolution!”
When Evolution is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will Evolve!
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@ daqq, I was thinking more of America, and the different ways in which Christian and Muslim fundamentalists are portrayed – Christians are good religious folk, and Muslims are evil.
@ lab_rat – you are one mental step from eugenics!!!
@Jon E, very wierd scientists! How can you reconcile going to work, using science, reason and logic to play with thermodynamics, and then go home and and suddenly proof means nothing? And they should just stay out of science education if they are biased! You have to declare competing interests to play with science, surely the fact that you are religious should be declared?
Maybe the rest of us will evolve away from the non-evolvees in Kansas and we will become seperate species!
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@Cat
Remember, it’s mostly our government. Man, I hate Bush. It’s only so long until he passes a law disallowing all but one religion. wanna guess which?
It’s like a horrible foreign policy, blatant lying to everyone, breaking our own constitution, seemingly looking for the least environmentally-friendly options, and being an all-around a**h*** just isn’t enough for him.
only–2–more–years. must–survive–
RAmen
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You think they might put a big fence around Kansas for protection? Might help protect outsiders from Kansan DNA as well.
RAmen
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@Cat: Well. Statistically you dont get too many christians blowing them selfs up for a fantasy being. But I’m actually an atheist (well, pastafarian ;-) )
In slovakia you have lots of the roman catholic loonies, trying to influence where they can. If those asses were in charge, we’d to stop doing evolution…
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@ Gnocci Man- I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was watching the election coverage two years ago(about the 1st time I was able to form my own real opinions on things like that) and I was looking at Bush and thinking “that man is an IDIOT. How can anyone like him?” For a while I actually thought it was good he was running, in my niavie little mind i thought he would drive Republican voters to our side. This happiness didn’t last long. But fear not- 2 more years! only 2 more years! FSM, 2 years is an eternity…..:(
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An interesting story comes to mind of the early 1800’s in Northern Missouri, where a sect of religious fundamentalists known as “Shakers”, determined that procreation was the root of all evil. The maths are rather simple. No sex = no progeny. No progeny leads to extinction. (What a brilliant recruitment tool.) Now if only Kansans would implement a similar strategy. End story.
RAmen
MJK
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@mad john kid
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there are still some shakers around. the total world population is 4 people. the live in a town called sabbathday lake, maine. i guess that’s what happens when you give up sex, YOU GO EXTINCT. a religion without sex seems completely stupid.
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think about what the world would be like if the puritans still existed. that wouldn’t be a fun society
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@jesus christ,
Oh yes the puritans, such nice people. They had themselves a nice little civil war in this country and put Cromwell in charge, not a nice guy.
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@jon e
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the puritans also felt that everybody was a witch in our country.
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well as it says in our gospel: purity is for drinkingwater, not people. (I’m pretty sure it’s for beer as well)
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DutchPastaGirl,
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drinking water = beer.
.
OEJ
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Pure people are just no fun at all. They don’t know how to have a good time. Hey! We (pastafarians) should go find all the pure people and show them how to loosen up. I just know they will accept our loose morals once they know the true joy of the FSM!
Ramen
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Hey, Everybody…
I was lurking a little while ago, I didn’t have time to post.
But anyway, I saw a thread that had grapes and rum filled watermelons referenced in it.
Now I can’t seem to find that thread? Can someone direct me to it?
I probably have something to add there, maybe?
Ramen
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That was mine Peter, it was on the ‘Third Element’ thread. (BTW I stole the rum/melon idea from you….hahahaha)
RAmen
oh…link:
http://www.venganza.org/2005/10/05/god-is-the-third-element.htm
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I understand that the Kansas state Board of Education has now declared the earth to be flat, [a fact provable by looking out any window in the state] and has ordered all heretical ‘globes’ removed from classrooms!
Could ‘evolved’ people in Kansas not start a movement to be recognised as a minority?
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I hear that one of the states is trying to ban Harry Potter books from it’s schools because they encourage witchcraft!
I hope they ban that evil movie The Wizard Of Oz, and what about that Shakespeare guy? I seem to recall that witches feature in his books too.
F.S.M. save us from these retarded fools, Ramen arrr.
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Tagliatellius: What next? Faust banned from schools because of satanists?
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Tagliatellus, I hope He will, I really do. I mean why not ban the bible? There are some weird things in there, incest (adam&eve&kids), murder of certain people is definitly encouraged etc etc. Harry couldn’t possibly do more harm!
But I guess it’s the same people after Columbine (I think, i’m not sure) who didn’t ban guns, oh no, they banned long dark overcoats instead!!
I don’t think we and people who think like that will ever really understand one another. Do at least we probably will TRY…
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hahaha the onion is fantastic, there is one problem with banning evolution, doesnt that mean we all have to procreate and must do it with those that are most genetically similar, e.g. family, not only is that sick disgusting and so disturbing i am going to vomit any second now but it is incest which i believe is against bible law
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“Ahhh… the Netherlands. About the only place on earth that is flatter than Australia.”
We have a mountain range that runs from top to bottom, called the Great Dividing Range.
Ok, so it’s not that tall, but there’s plenty of it, and my town (Bathurst) is surrounded by mountains. It’s a hole 1800 feet above sea level.
Outlawing it acknowledges it’s existence, there would be no point banning something that doesn’t happen
If so, can we have an Evolution Amnesty Period, where we can undo all the terrible horrors evolution has caused?
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@Andrew
“and my town (Bathurst) is surrounded by mountains.”
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Hi Andrew :)
Bathurst….. a regional New South Welshman…cool :))
His Nooly Appendage has become far reaching indeed
RAmen
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err… His Noodly Appendage as well as His *Nooly* Appendage :)
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