Dear Mr. Henderson,
I have noticed that you have started this thing called Pastafarianism. Â I
would like to start off the first of a long list of complaints, by simply
stating that that pun is horrible. It’s not even creative. Â Way to be
original… not. Â Second of all… you guys claim that Pirates are your
followers, and that nobody has ever killed anybody in the name of the FSM.
While… looking back on History I happen to find that the history of
Pirates is filled full of rape, murder, and pillaging. Â This is probably the
point where you say “that’s what they want you to think” but this is also
the point where I point out that no noodly meat sac in the sky ever rewrote
history to say that Blackbeard was a cheery fellow who spread joy to others.
To think that some noodle thing in the sky rewrote history is just pure
ludacris. Â Also, why is it a Spaghetti monster? Â Don’t you find that a
little biased towards Italians. Â I don’t appreciate your bias. Â If you are
going to continue with your charade, please choose a God that represents
more people than just a minority of people in Europe. Â Your idea for
intelligent design isn’t very well thought through. Â I respect your idea to
mock the Kansas school board, but what I don’t respect is that you dragged
other people into this farce by stating you actually believe this nonsense.
Look at it, really look at it, and think to yourself if you really want
people to back these wildly imaginative ideas of yours. Â If you think you
should… then it’s probably time you stop and consult your local therapist.
I’m not a Christian either, in fact I’m Aetheist. Â My way of thinking is
that if there really was a God… why would he be so dumb as to make people
who actually believe a giant flying noodle made the earth? Â In the long run,
I would appreciate it if you proclaimed this whole thing to be a farce so
that your horribly nerdy followers could get over themselves and go back to
having what little lives they had in the first place. Â If you choose however
to keep up this ploy, I would have to ask that you make your God less biased
towards Pirates and Italians.
Thank You,
TheLaughingMan
I’ve seen this strange humorlessness in fundamentalists as well. It’s so strange that it seems like a mental disorder. In two cases men who seemed to have high IQs couldn’t understand any sort of joke. It’s just weird.
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We must make some allowances for the humor challenged folk who come to this website. Maybe we should identify all comments that are intended to be funny as such. For instance: Bring in the assclowns! (This is humor.)
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Fr. Corpus Callosum Dec 5th, 2006 at 9:40 pm
“How about this for one possible scenario of interplay between genes and environment: All things being equal the person with the lower level of endorphins is going to be more depressed. Depressed people look for ways of being happier.”
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Sounds like a pretty good hypothesis to me Fr. Probably more likely to turn to drugs/too much drink, as well. Then, when they hit rock bottom, the fundies zero in on them. The poor buggas hardly stand a chance.
RAmen
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@Fr. Corpus Callosum
“It’s so strange that it seems like a mental disorder. In two cases men who seemed to have high IQs couldn’t understand any sort of joke. It’s just weird.”
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Feeling often has a tendency to overide intelligence. Think of some of the stupid things otherwise intelligent people have done when they are drunk.
I know when I was a (wee) bit younger, under the influence of drink and feeling invincible, I dived into a large rock in a creek. I had swam there many times before and knew exactly where that boulder was. I was just feeling great and sensibility was irrelevent at the time. Extremely lucky not to have spent the rest of my life in a wheelchair.
I won’t go into other things, otherwise intelligent, people do under the influence of other types of overwhelming emotion.
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I’ve often wondered if people like Richard Dawkins are simply on the other end of that spectrum. He doesn’t seem to have much of a sense of humour either and often takes fundi comments personally. Like he’s genetically wired that way, only without that need for the supernatural entity. Just a thought.
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I leave you guys alone for 12 hours and you just go to town! I wondered what had happened, and then I saw who showed up. All your valiant efforts to bring this heathen to the light must be commendable!
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And I see you made a little progress! He admits that FSM is essentially funny, but still doesn’t understand why we worship here!
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I think I know what the problem is. Some where in UnLaughingMans brain there is a blockage in his funny system. This is how I envision it:
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As the funny enters the brain through the eyes or ears, tension builds up as a crank is turned. With enough funny the crank eventually pops a lever, hitting the swinging boot into the bucket, which falls over, releasing the mini-bowling ball to roll down the stairs, into the chute, hitting the pole, that shakes another mini bowling ball, causing it to roll off a plank and fall into the bathtub. The ball falls through a hole in the tub, landing on one end of a see-saw, this springs the diving man off the see-saw and into a barrel, thus shaking the pole and releasing the cage, the cage falls, triggering the funny centers of the brain.
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With UnLaughingMan, the funny seems to go almost all the way, but not quite. In my opinion, his problem lies with the little diving man. Its always the little diving man. Its likely that his see-saw is out of alignment, causing the diving man to miss the bucket entirely.
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I’m afraid the only cure is a see-sawectomy, including replacement with a state of the art digital see-saw. Its expensive, but I think in the long run, it would be worth it for UnLaughingMan.
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Thankyou all again for your efforts to fight humor illiteracy. May your faith and convictions remain al dente!
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RAmen
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“Its always the little diving man. Its likely that his see-saw is out of alignment, causing the diving man to miss the bucket entirely.”
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hahahahaha…….I think you have hit the little diving man into the bucket there, Nick.
RAmen
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@Mad John Kidd
“He doesn’t seem to have much of a sense of humour either and often takes fundi comments personally.”
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Could be a Pablovian response…….an enviromental trigger.
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@SaucyWench Dec 5th, 2006 at 9:47 pm
“Maybe we should identify all comments that are intended to be funny as such. For instance: Bring in the assclowns! (This is humor.)”
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Once again the thought of having a choice of one, of a few different sounding bells, to select to accompany each of our posts comes to mind.
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Edit:
“Could be a Pablovian response”
Ah…..I meant Pavlovian……reading lots troll posts damages my recall brain cells.
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mmm Pavlova [starts drooling] .. Russian ballerina made of meringue and cream .. sweet! A fitting dessert for a hungry pirate.
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@moochie Dec 6th, 2006 at 2:46 am
“mmm Pavlova [starts drooling]”
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That’s the one!!! hahaha
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There is even a game: (I have the music album)
Pavlov’s Dog
Nobelprize.org
http://nobelprize.org/educational_games/medicine/pavlov/
RAmen
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Cool game. Took a couple of tries, then I’m not really a pet person, prefer wild animals.
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I liked the dogs diploma!
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@Jon E
I’m not really a pet person, prefer wild animals.
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My girl is just part of the bush here. Never seen her kill anything, (or even want to), but a snake once (dangerous thing for a dog to do here….we’ve got a few venomous snakes in my area) and I think that was only because the snake was so close to me at the time. Most Rotties will easily loyal themslves to death without thinking too much about it. (not that I would let her if I could help it)
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Glad to say that I’ve never seen a wild poisonous snake up close where I live. Though there are adders in at least a couple of places around the city. The squadies out at one of the army barracks on the outskirt keep stepping on them when out training and get a nasty shock when they sink their fangs in.
By the way my saying I’m not a pet person is more a comment on myself than anyone else. I can see the pleasure in it. I just don’t have what it take to look after an animal. I tried when I was a kid and was rotten at it, I kept forgetting to feed the goldfish and if my mum hadn’t then, well you can guess.
I’d love to visit Oz some day, but I will admit the list of nasty spiders and snakes is a bit intimidating.
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Australia, where the only safe animals are some of the sheep.
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Seriously though, what you really have to watch out for are dropbears. They only live in Tassie, thank FSM, but they are vicious little buggers. They’ll take a devil to pieces in no time.
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@Jingles
“you really have to watch out for are dropbears. They only live in Tassie”
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I think there is a big white one, that lives in Queensland.
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If the unlaughingman comes back, I’ve never seen demon spelt daemon outside of ‘His Dark Maaterials’, as far as I know in Ireland we use the British spelling for english, so, he thinks that British spelling is as found in ‘His Dark Maaterials’, and we’re the nerds?
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ummmm so basically
this is freakin retarded
flying spaghetti monster?
well wat about my fat italian god
hed kick your gods ass
and then eat it
suckaaa
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wat about the nazi god
he would own the italian god
and then
he would try to take over the polish god
but the american god, the real GOD
wouldnt stand for it
he and his british counterpart would go crazy
and create little nuclear prayers
to blast the nazi
and the japanese dragon gods
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@bob you are freakin retarded.
@nathan WTF?
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It’s always nice to see an atheist who can’t spell “atheist”.
Duke
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I’m pretty sure that nathan and bob are the same delinquent fundamentalist kids. you see how they are written using the same impossible to understand empty threats. nathan comes only three minutes after bob, both of their links are simply their names, and they both use the same disconnected sentence structure. also, they appear unaware that the nazis used the same god that they talk of as being the “real” one. in fact, Hitler used many symbols from christianity for the third reich.
and if they continue to think that all Americans believe in their cracked up and overly violent deity, then they are in for a BIG surprise…
All hail the FSM
RAmen
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Firstly by stating that spaghetti is just for Italians you are being prejudice yourself. How can a food be directly linked to a group of people it can’t that’s 1 point to his holy noodly-ness. Also if you claim to be an Atheist, make sure you spell it right. As no one likes to be on a long rant and then realise they made a fool of onself, do they?
The first “I’d really rather you didn’ts” states that “If Some People Don’t Believe In Me, That’s Okay” so I won’t wish death upon you, just wish the next best thing, I wish you stub your toe. Oh that’s right, I went there.
May his noodly apprendag be with you always.
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“Fuck em if they can’t take a joke”
J.R. “Bob” Dobbs
“Ha ha, only serious”
-discordian tenet
you pastafarians could learn a thing or two from the subgenius and discordians who came before you.
hell read some nietzche even “we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.”
The quality of the hate mail on this site is very dissapointing, surely some of you out there can craft funnier trolls.
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@nikkiee…
“I think there is a big white one, that lives in Queensland.”
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I love that ad :P
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Laughing Man,
As a medical professional I feel I should let you know that posting on the FSM website is in no way a substitution for taking lithium-based drugs. And from reading some of your posts, yoga, deep breathing, and counting backwards from ten isn’t going to cut it either.
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Maybe “wannabe” could take his/her own advice. Just what is it you “wannabe”? Why not just “be”?
And I find that to “joke ‘em if they can’t take a fuck” to be just as effective.
RAmen
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@ wannabe
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You’ve brought up a valid point in that, since I’ve become a pastafarian my relationship with J. R. (Bob) Dobbs has seemed somewhat distant.
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I also keep finding myself to be short on slack! Any thoughts?
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I concur. I also am a medical professional. I can recommend the therapeutic value of a number of Polonium based compounds for this gentleman too.
Long live our noodly overlord!!!!!!!!!!
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So not suggesting a hot lead overdose? I can think of a few other fun things to use. Tell them to got make themselves a nice tea from rhubarb leaves.
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Lick a toad?
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Not any poisonous toads in this country that I know of, but a hell of a lot of poisonous plants. Hemlock and deadly nightshade grow all over the place if you know what you’re looking for.
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What a joke that someone would be stupid enough to write in and say how horrible FSM is! Don’t they realise that they then become part of the show? Didn’t you think that maybe this entire site is about laughing at you? Yes you! the ID Christians!!! Personally as a student of Molecular and Cellular Biology I am appalled that a state could decide how they define science. Yes, we are distantly related to apes and monkeys. Yes you were wrong.. we are not made of clay like the bible says, We do not burn in hell when we die. In fact death has been shown to be quite pleasant if you must know. It causes a massive..and i mean MASSIVE release of endorphines. That same feeling you get when you are just finishing a massive run or if you are into it.. Heroine.
It is a fundamental misunderstanding of science to just on a whim decide that you can say that ‘God’ created the world. Science is not about stipulating what ‘may’ be. It is all about observing and being able to create a reproducable event by understanding what is right in front of you and mimicking it. By the definition of god you can never say if there is a god or not. You can’t KNOW he is there. That’s why it’s called a ‘leap’ of faith! It makes me laugh how unbelievably stupid christians are sometimes. Ironically… even though one of the ten commandments is ”You Shall not kill” it is deemed perfectly fine to kill in the name of god. More people have died by the hand of the christian church than by any other group, institution or culture ever. Not even Hitler managed quite as many as the Christian Faith. Yeah, you go burn the witch mate!
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@George Chennell, You can add a most of the ones killed by the Nazis onto the Christians numbers as well, the catholic church was happy enough to back up the Nazi regime and it was them after all that was largely responsible for the hatred of the Jews in the first place.
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Hey! I’m converted! I believe in Intelligent Design now! See?
http://edkrebs.com/herb/petoons23/wuerker2.jpg
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RAmen George
and
another RAmen for being a student of Molecular and Cellular Biology.
ps I’m quite favourably biased toward that particular discipline.
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Like it. Pity that the people it’s aimed at wouldn’t understand it.
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@SaucyWench
Works for me Saucy.
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Well the catholic church backed more than just the Nazi regieme it backed pretty much all the european fascist states. The fascists in Spain considered the civil war to be a fucking crusade. And it played a large part in proping up Mussolinis Italy.
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This is the most useless use of bandwidth I have ever had the displeasure of finding .
Nothing but asinine comments about nothing and idiots trolling the comments so they can jump someones ass about what they have to say.Listen up meat sacks ,GET A LIFE!
Pointless drivel, I truly hope no 1 is paying for this website/bandwidth.
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Yep. Now the Catholics still have power in places like South America, but in most of the rest of the world the Evangelical Fundis are trying to take their place. They’ve actually managed to make themselves more corrupt than the catholics.
Did you know that at least one of the Popes had so much respect for his role that he turn the Papal Palace into a brothel.
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@ Jon – Damn! You’re right. Well, I’ll take befuddlement of some neuronally-challenged IDers. I’ll have fun imagining them looking at the cartoon, cocking their heads to one side, and saying, “Huh?” Of course, now I sound smug. Do I hear assclowns?
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Does anyone know how many popes died while getting laid because i think it was about 13.
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@RATTL3R
Hello RATTL3R.. Goodbye RATTL3R. Thanks for your supa arrear opinion.
Drop in again sometime won’t you.
RAmen
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Always appreciate an intelligent post from a troll!
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@RATTL3R
You are the biggest waste of oxygen this planet has ever had the misfortune of supporting, now unless you have something intelligent to say which seems highly unlikely go and play on a busy road.
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@SaucyWench
“Of course, now I sound smug. Do I hear assclowns?”
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That’ll be Left wing assclown evilutionary conspiracists, if you don’t mind!
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@Rattl3r, oh look another idiot who just wants to give us ammunition and talk about our arses. If anyone should get a life it’s you. Go away until you actually grow a brain.
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‘jump someones ass’
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Need I comment?
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