Dear Mr. Henderson,
I have noticed that you have started this thing called Pastafarianism. Â I
would like to start off the first of a long list of complaints, by simply
stating that that pun is horrible. It’s not even creative. Â Way to be
original… not. Â Second of all… you guys claim that Pirates are your
followers, and that nobody has ever killed anybody in the name of the FSM.
While… looking back on History I happen to find that the history of
Pirates is filled full of rape, murder, and pillaging. Â This is probably the
point where you say “that’s what they want you to think” but this is also
the point where I point out that no noodly meat sac in the sky ever rewrote
history to say that Blackbeard was a cheery fellow who spread joy to others.
To think that some noodle thing in the sky rewrote history is just pure
ludacris. Â Also, why is it a Spaghetti monster? Â Don’t you find that a
little biased towards Italians. Â I don’t appreciate your bias. Â If you are
going to continue with your charade, please choose a God that represents
more people than just a minority of people in Europe. Â Your idea for
intelligent design isn’t very well thought through. Â I respect your idea to
mock the Kansas school board, but what I don’t respect is that you dragged
other people into this farce by stating you actually believe this nonsense.
Look at it, really look at it, and think to yourself if you really want
people to back these wildly imaginative ideas of yours. Â If you think you
should… then it’s probably time you stop and consult your local therapist.
I’m not a Christian either, in fact I’m Aetheist. Â My way of thinking is
that if there really was a God… why would he be so dumb as to make people
who actually believe a giant flying noodle made the earth? Â In the long run,
I would appreciate it if you proclaimed this whole thing to be a farce so
that your horribly nerdy followers could get over themselves and go back to
having what little lives they had in the first place. Â If you choose however
to keep up this ploy, I would have to ask that you make your God less biased
towards Pirates and Italians.
Thank You,
TheLaughingMan
There actually is a bit of humor in the bible. You just have to look for it.
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This particular story is in Acts. I don’t exactly remember where. Of course, my version of it is a little different than the actual version, but I swear that it really is in there. “One eventide, St. Paul the Sanctimonious Asshat preached at the people. He just kept on a preaching and preaching. The people listening yawned and looked at their watches as a hint to St. Paul to wrap it up, but St. Paul took no notice. One man, so undercome with the Word of the Lord fell asleep and fell out of a window. St. Paul ran to the street to see if the man was ok. Paul claimed that the man had died, but was restored by the power of the Lord. The guy said, ‘No, I’m fine. It was just a first story window.’ Realizing that the people didn’t seem to be buying into his pyramid scheme, Paul convinced them that the man had, in fact, died and been restored to life.”
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@TheLaughingMan
“I’m not a Christian either, in fact I’m Aetheist”
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Nah, you can’t possibly be an atheist, dude. All the atheists that I know are really cool intelligent people with senses of humour and functioning sexual organs.
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Way to make salinger spin in his grave.
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“Second of all… you guys claim that Pirates are your
followers, and that nobody has ever killed anybody in the name of the FSM.”
The Great & Powerful FSM has clearly said thus:
Pirates never killed anybody IN THE NAME OF THE F.S.M.!
If Pirates killed, and I don’t know that they did since that would be so un-FSM, then they weren’t true believers of FSM since violence is not a part of the FSM religion.
Time to noodle…
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I LIKE PASTA
im an atheist, but i find it amusing that all these other religious ppl cant accept pastafariansim.
Well, that jsut proves that there is no true God, but know this, if I were to become religious, it would be Pastafarianism all the way!
Guy The Atheist
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@Cap’n Jeni Dec 5th, 2006 at 1:23 pm
There actually is a bit of humor in the bible. You just have to look for it.
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” One man, so undercome with the Word of the Lord fell asleep and fell out of a window. St. Paul ran to the street to see if the man was ok. Paul claimed that the man had died, but was restored by the power of the Lord. The guy said, ‘No, I’m fine. It was just a first story window.’ Realizing that the people didn’t seem to be buying into his pyramid scheme, Paul convinced them that the man had, in fact, died and been restored to life.”
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Cap’n Jeni, I’m sure I’ve heard about that little episode somewhere else. By the way, is this the same Paul, whose testimony so many point to as truth proof of the bible story?
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Sounds like a Monty Python skit!
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all i have to say is that this is so incredibly stupid you guys believe in a spaghetti creature that floats in the sky and makes pirates
WOW BRILLANT!!!!….. not
come on make it realistic
and im an aetheist and last time i checked i was a cool, intellegent person not to mention i have a sense of humor and i have a functioning sexual organ
(aussi je pense que vous etes tres parraseux)
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@Rabbit Dec 5th, 2006 at 10:31 am
“the only problem is, if you write it with such good grammer, those who are most in need of it probably won’t be able to understand it… ”
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That’s a good point Rabbit. Maybe two versions of Nick’s key should be available: one for for literacy challenged (I’m sure there are enough examples, here on site, of the language needed for that one.) and a normal one.
RAmen
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â–ˆ â–ˆ â–ˆ â–ˆ â–ˆ â–ˆ
I’m so in that skit â–€ â–€ â–€ â–€ â–€ â–€
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Follow the paths to enlightenment:
.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_Sphagetti_Monster
.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invisible_Pink_Unicorn
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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the deity of a parody religion founded in 2005 by Oregon State University physics graduate Bobby Henderson to protest the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution. In an open letter on his website, Henderson professes belief in a supernatural Creator that resembles spaghetti and meatballs called the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and calls for Pastafarianism to be taught in science classrooms, essentially invoking a reductio ad absurdum argument against the teaching of intelligent design.[1][2] Followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) call themselves Pastafarians, a portmanteau of pasta and Rastafarian.
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Due to its recent popularity and media exposure, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is used by atheists, such as Richard Dawkins, as a modern version of Russell’s teapot.[3]
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RAmen…
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Wow… you guys totally have no cognitive skills. It’s like you’re all hooked on everything but Phonics. I mean really… look at the comments you guys left… “you’re not the first in a long list”. Really? I’m not? Did you stop and read it to see that it applied to the section of writing and not the entire letter itself? Good job kid. Maybe you guys should put the D&D away and find yourselves some Girl Friends. “You used …not, you’re not original” Wow kid… you sure are smart… not. Damn… every one of you is seriously set back. And yes… I know that FSM is a parody. The only thing is is that you guys don’t. FSM isn’t anything actually real, and if you think it is than you’re just a sucker and I pity you. You guys need to grow up, get out of your mother’s basements, and stop spending your Fridays indoors trying to knock my flawless letter and prove that a giant noodle exists. And as for “TheLaughingMan” it’s from Ghost in the Shell. He didn’t laugh either… just like I’m not laughing at how ignorant you all are. It’s a serious matter. To think that people like you guys are actually running around in the free world is a bit scary. All religion is dumb, it’s just a fact. The only reason we have religion is so that our ancestors could explain events that they were ignorant about. For the longest time they thought the earth was flat and that it was the center of the Universe. While ah… they were wrong, and you guys are wrong now. Your whole little story is just ludacris. Bobby Henderson needs his head examined, and you guys need lives. Get over yourselves you sad little nerds. There’s more to life than a flying noodle sac.
RAmen
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RAmen not being a very original pun either
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@CatcherChic2004 (another aetheist?)
WOW BRILLANT!!!!….. not
come on make it realistic
.
Oh you mean more realistic, umm…. like an imaginary person who sits on a throne in the clouds and is surrounded by winged flying babies with harps?
.
Spaghetti is real, pirates are real and midgets are real!
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@TheLaughingMan
“trying to knock my flawless letter’
“in fact I’m Aetheist.”
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Are you one of those who believe religiously in “Aetheism”? What is it by the way?
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@TheLaughingMan
“It’s like you’re all hooked on everything but Phonics. I mean really… look at the comments you guys left… “you’re not the first in a long listâ€. Really? I’m not? Did you stop and read it to see that it applied to the section of writing and not the entire letter itself?”
The dictionary defines phonics as “a method of teaching reading and spelling based upon the phonetic interpretation of ordinary spelling”. You just tried to trump us with a point about grammar without knowing the definition of the words you chose to use. Phonics has nothing to do with the discussion. Please, learn to use the dictionary before you post.
On the other hand, I must praise you to a degree for actually having the courage to return and defend your perspective. Most people lack it. Good job.
-Avatar of Reason
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And…
“And yes… I know that FSM is a parody. The only thing is is that you guys don’t.”
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Way to undeservedly stroke your oversized ego!
.
Where the hell are all these “Aetheists” coming from?
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Do I really have to get a girlfriend? I have a lesbian friend who was trying to hook me up with one of her friends, but I’ve been stupidly insisting that I’m heterosexual all these years. So, now I’m a basement-dwelling, lesbian, reality-challenged, D & D playing nerd, am I? The only thing I’ll confess to is being a nerd (not that there’s anything wrong with the other things.) Well, there was that one wild regatta in ‘89 when some of us wenches had a little too much Captain Morgan’s and…. well, nevermind. You wouldn’t understand.
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“You guys need to grow up, get out of your mother’s basements,….”
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I’m grown up and my mother doesn’t have a basement!
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@J:
Congratulation on a terrific post. TheLaughingMan leaves me speechless. What an idiot! The only thing that would excuse him is being 10 years old. The sad truth is that when dealing with a troll, nothing anyone can say will make any difference. Maybe if we ignore him he’ll go away.
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@Nikkiee:
‘Well, there was that one wild regatta in ‘89 when some of us wenches had a little too much Captain Morgan’s and…. well, nevermind. You wouldn’t understand.’
I’m sure he wouldn’t understand, but some of us would like to hear the juicy details.
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How modest of you TheLaughingMan to judge your own writing as ‘flawless’.
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If the FSM doesn’t exist then why do you have such a preoccupation of proving it?
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Just like all the other gods, you can neither prove that they exist nor prove that they don’t exist, and while this conundrum exists, I think I’ll have mine with parmesan thank you (which–thank FSM–also exists).
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I do agree with your suggestion about getting a girlfriend though.
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Aaaarrrrghh me hearties!!! Oi needs me a wench!!
.
St John the Blasphemist
Saint of Not Even Creative But Still Wildly Imaginative Ideas
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@Fr. Corpus Callosum
“some of us wenches had a little too much Captain Morgan’s and….”
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That was that SaucyWench Fr.
I agree with Fr. Saucy. I am a very understanding type. (Well I can be… if I choose.)
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Hey… I was right… thelaughingman was from ghost in the shell. (I’m not a nerd, honest!)
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Still, doesn’t justify acting like a tool.
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Grow up and get a life, or at the very least go away.
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@
“Spaghetti is real, pirates are real and midgets are real!”
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So are penquins!
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@TheLaughingMan: some people enjoy ‘one liner’ jokes. Others, especially those with imagination and a joy for the absurd, find great satisfaction in taking an idea and then going for a very long stroll with it to see where they end up. It’s the journey not the destination that’s important.
-
In the case of a really long, extended humorous joke like Pastafarianism, it’s not going to make much sense until (or if) you can get into the necessary vibe (naff term, but the best I can think of to explain it). Think ’shaggy-dog story’, think Spike Milligan, think Dave Allen. It’s ok if you don’t *get it*, really it is. It wouldn’t be anywhere near so funny if it was too accessible. Have you ever enjoyed an extended fantasy or joke with a friend or lover? One that lasts days, weeks or years? A kind of private, coded language between you? If you have, then you’re more than capable of joining in here. If you’ve no idea what I’m talking about, then .. well, you’ve got no idea what I’m talking about.
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Aye! ‘Twas me who, in the summer of ‘89 did partake too much of the ol’ Captain Morgan’s with some of me wenchy mateys! Most of the details escape me now, but I do remember someone walking the plank wearing only her birthday suit, and something about being “punished” for being a “landlubber.” It was largely because of that incident that I had to give up the drink, and become the nerdy wench you know today.
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@ TheLaughingMan: Please change your name. You’re giving a perfectly fine anime a really bad image. (Also: learn to laugh, please. It might help. And what IS an ‘aetheist’, anyway?)
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You are hurting my sales, Mr FSM!
Please knock it off! Thank you.
Could I interest you in some miracle water?
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@ Saucy Wench- NERD POWER!
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I’ve wandered around in the “registry” and played “I wonder what this is for and what happens if I change it”. However I found that game very boring. (probably because I very rarely won) Does that make me a “nerd” or is it something else?
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“Teaching reading” no no… once again you fail Avatar. Come back when you can actually read something and figure out what it means. Words aren’t just there to look nice… generally they have a meaning. What a dolt. And as for everybody who wants to see me laugh… HAHAHAHAHAHA, I laugh at all your parents and their broken condoms. If only their revenues had been higher… they might not have purchased the cheap kind.
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While you are here, TheLaughingMan, what is an “Aetheist”? Is it some sort of new religion?
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I’m sorry, UnLaughingMan, if you don’t see the irony in attacking parody with your “logic”. May your cabin boys tremble at your beckon call and serve you the finest swill on a sliver platter. Thank you so much for your marvelous insight into your world of indignity, and may your hot air forever fill your sails. May your clear conscience sleep well at night.
RAmen
MJK, Orthodox Pastafarian
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It is probably reeaallly reeeally coool huh?
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Regarding humour in the bible—
Have your never heard of the Five Constipated Men of the Bible?
Now the first constipated man, his name was Cain, he wasn’t Abel.
The second, his name was Moses, he took the tablets.
The third, his name was Soloman, he sat for forty years.
The fourth, his name was Noah, he almost filled the Ark.
And the fifth, his name was Joshua, he blew the walls down.
So. There.
MJK, Orthodox Pastafarian
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Aethiest is Athiest… just spelt the British way. It’s like Daemon is Demon. Way to be ignorant of other Cultures. I’m so glad to see Pastafarianism skips over other cultures yet you guys call me “The ignorant American”.
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American Heritage Dictionary:
phon·ics (fnks)
n. (used with a sing. verb)
1. A method of teaching elementary reading and spelling based on the phonetic interpretation of ordinary spelling.
2. Phonetics
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pho·net·ics (f-ntks)
n. (used with a sing. verb) Abbr. phon. Linguistics
1. The branch of linguistics that deals with the sounds of speech and their production, combination, description, and representation by written symbols.
2. The system of sounds of a particular language.
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Actually America does sport some seriously ignorant people… take Bobby Henderson for instance.
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TheLaughingMan
“It’s like you’re all hooked on everything but Phonics. “
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“representation by written symbols”. Wench Nikkiee… let me put this in nerdy terms so that you can understand. I R Da 1337. U suckz0rz. U B da idi0t. And now for the real kicker… U GOTS PWNT! GG.
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Oh you mean phonetics?
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It’s annoying when you got a wanker posting at you isn’t it?
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No… I mean Phonics like the board game that teaches kids to read and understand the English Language. For a such a powerful being as an FSM… why would he make people like you who are just so damn dumb? That’s how I know he doesn’t exist. Wench Nikkiee is proof that there is no God in the world.
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@TheLaughingMan
I’m Australian. Way to be assuming and ignorant!
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Hahahaha……are we getting our knickers in a little knot there laughing man?
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Wench… is your name Bobby Henderson? Read things first before you respond please.
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Yo, Laughingman. You do realize that people here are laughing at you and not with you, right?
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@Mad John Kidd
Potty humour Mad John?
RAmen
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Yeah… I do realise that the people here are laughing at me. But it’s cool… because the normal part of the world’s population isn’t laughing at me, they’re laughing at you… and not with you.
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