Dear Mr. Henderson,
I have noticed that you have started this thing called Pastafarianism. Â I
would like to start off the first of a long list of complaints, by simply
stating that that pun is horrible. It’s not even creative. Â Way to be
original… not. Â Second of all… you guys claim that Pirates are your
followers, and that nobody has ever killed anybody in the name of the FSM.
While… looking back on History I happen to find that the history of
Pirates is filled full of rape, murder, and pillaging. Â This is probably the
point where you say “that’s what they want you to think” but this is also
the point where I point out that no noodly meat sac in the sky ever rewrote
history to say that Blackbeard was a cheery fellow who spread joy to others.
To think that some noodle thing in the sky rewrote history is just pure
ludacris. Â Also, why is it a Spaghetti monster? Â Don’t you find that a
little biased towards Italians. Â I don’t appreciate your bias. Â If you are
going to continue with your charade, please choose a God that represents
more people than just a minority of people in Europe. Â Your idea for
intelligent design isn’t very well thought through. Â I respect your idea to
mock the Kansas school board, but what I don’t respect is that you dragged
other people into this farce by stating you actually believe this nonsense.
Look at it, really look at it, and think to yourself if you really want
people to back these wildly imaginative ideas of yours. Â If you think you
should… then it’s probably time you stop and consult your local therapist.
I’m not a Christian either, in fact I’m Aetheist. Â My way of thinking is
that if there really was a God… why would he be so dumb as to make people
who actually believe a giant flying noodle made the earth? Â In the long run,
I would appreciate it if you proclaimed this whole thing to be a farce so
that your horribly nerdy followers could get over themselves and go back to
having what little lives they had in the first place. Â If you choose however
to keep up this ploy, I would have to ask that you make your God less biased
towards Pirates and Italians.
Thank You,
TheLaughingMan
I take it someone hasn’t actually looked at the website before having a go. He’s a bit late to be ‘the first of a long list of complaints’. I suppose this does prove that you can find stupid athiests as well.
Get a life mate. It’s a parody!
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I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry at this one.
Maybe “Hate Mail” is a misnomer. Perhaps the section should be called “People who completely miss the point”.
Just shows: being atheist doesn’t make you brainy. He probably thinks Alanis Morrisette’s ‘Ironic’ actually contains tales of irony (which, ironically, it doesn’t).
“TheLaughingMan” (without a sense of humour… now that IS ironic!)
Second thoughts, you sure this guy’s for real… shome mishtake shurely….
;o)
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Well I could write something like that if I could be bothered, just to set the cat among the pigeons, but I wouldn’t. If I was going to do a hatemail it’d be one of the stupid fundi ones. But yes it could be someone just taking the proverbial.
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‘go back to having what little lives they had in the first place.’
Could this be a reference to midgets, and what does this guy have against Italians?
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Remember, the FSM created noodles in his image, not the other way around. When you think about it, it’s perfectly logical, right? I mean, everyone likes noodles! And to say this is biased against italians… Clearly you don’t know anything about Italian culture. Their noodles are all fancy and spiced up, usually filled with exotic meats and vegetables. American spaghetti is just a buncha strings dipped in high-sugar sauce, which is pretty much what the FSM is made of. (No offence, noodly lord, everyone still loves it). If anything this site is biased against Americans, which doesn’t matter at all, considering… the Americans are slowly destroying the world and deserve a little mocking.
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The nation that gets a big 1st place blue ribbon for idiocy, goes to the US. Not only are they fat, they’re stupid as well, due to their presidents brainy idea of cutting spending on education. It’s like breeding ground for idiots. Ignorance truly is bliss. Go my brothers and sisters in his noodly devine presence. RAmen.
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Well what is the point in funding education it teaches people stupid false ideas such as evolution, which is clearly crap because then we would be related to monkeys i mean just look at the pres no resemblance to a monkey there, much better spending the money on killing all the evil towell heads terrorists.
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There is actually another religion with a bit of an Italian bias. Not as well known as FSMism of course but some of you may have heard of it. Most famous for its dodgy kiddie fiddling preachers (Priests I think they call them?)
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hey i happen to be an american, and i aint fat and stupid. but a shit load of people here are. i am one of the few americans who will get off their ass to do something. money should be spent more on education cause right now i am freezein my ass off cause our heaters wont work and we have no money to fix them. oh and rodger you’re a fuckin idiot. we need to get out of that shit cause it’g goin nowhere.
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wheres da spagetti monsta now!
hes in my belly!
i ate him
last nite fo dindin
his cheese was was stale
thogh it was gooed
fochizzle out
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a)You think you are the first? Really? You think that?
b)pun? what pun? Pastafarian? I didn’t think that was all that bad. Better than that whole “sarcastic comment… (pause) not! that fuckwits think is so hilarious, even when they’ve worn it to death. And you accuse henerson of being unoriginal.
c)”you guys claim that Pirates are your
followers, and that nobody has ever killed anybody in the name of the FSM.
While… looking back on History I happen to find that the history of
Pirates is filled full of rape, murder, and pillaging” Have you ever actuality read the bible?
d)”where I point out that no noodly meat sac in the sky ever rewrote
history” Oh and no religious priest has ever done that! (not -fucktard)
e)”Also, why is it a Spaghetti monster” why some guy with a beard?
f)”why would he be so dumb as to make people
who actually believe a giant flying noodle made the earth?” The real question is why would he make people who have not the intellectual capacity to understand SATIRE. The other question is “How did you survive this long? Natural selection should have got you already!”
g)”I would appreciate it if you proclaimed this whole thing to be a farce so
that your horribly nerdy followers could get over themselves and go back to
having what little lives they had in the first place. If you choose however
to keep up this ploy, I would have to ask that you make your God less biased
towards Pirates and Italians.” WOW, that’s great advice coming from the coolest and knowledgeable man alive! (not, -just incase the modest use of sarcasm throws you) and I think you’re lying about being an atheist.
‘
Good-day!
‘
RAmen
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Don’t forget that Marco Polo is rumored to have brought the noodle from China to Italy. So, spaghetti is essentially an imitation of lo mein. This religion is NOT biased towards the Italians…it’s biased towards the Chinese.
Besides, who ever heard of the Flying Spätzle Monster? That would be just SILLY!!!!
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TheLaughingMan, while your arguments aren’t very well made, I understand your overall point that Pastafarianism seems somewhat rediculous. However, have you been on Christian websites pointing out the contradictions and misgivings of their wacky beliefs? If you havn’t, why not? You said that you’re an athiest, so you must see the stupidity of their stories of walking on water and getting eaten by whales and a flood covering the entire earth (where’d all the water come from?) and just the general idea of an omnipotent, omniscient god that can somehow only get off when some insignificant little humans pray to him in the face of a mountain of emprical evidence that he must have made for them to indicate that he does not even exist.
.
Personally, even if every single word of the bible were true, I’d never make it in the christian heaven, because I’d choose the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge every time, because I’d rather die with wisdom than live in ignorance.
.
However, if FSM is the true god, I would love the Pastafarian heaven. Beer and strippers for everyone! And what if we’re wrong, and there is no FSM? Well that’s fine because the tenants of Pastafarianism are still good in the absense of Him. There’s even no killing of disbelievers!
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@’Ghost of the Noodle’
I’m sorry if you didn’t get that i was being sarcastic, and yes our counties do need to stop their occupation of Iraq,and more money should be spent on education but because the good old republicans keep giving the rich taxbrakes snd wasting money on wars there isn’t any to spend i think the US national debt is about 8trillion dollars.
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Is it possible to hit absolute stupidity – the point at which brain cells freeze? Every sentence I think we’re getting close, but then TheLaughingMan unexpectedly manages to get even dafter. It’s like some kind of amazing performance idiocy. ‘And for my next trick, I will attempt to misunderstand…The Alphabet!’ I want to know how he does it.
.
There’s just no point in talking to someone who has made buffoonery not only an art form but a way of life. It’ll take more than a little reasoned discussion to crack through that sort of senselessness. Hopefully he’ll grow up to the point at which he can see what an astonishing loon he has been. In the meantime, just hope he doesn’t sit next to you on the bus.
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To expand slightly on Major’s post I would also say that it is more biased to the Chinese if we are going on the basis of noodles. For though there are records of the Romans making them 2000+ years ago, in 2005 a 4000 year old container containing noodles was found in NW China. Praise be to the noodlie one, it seams his beneficence knows no bounds. Ramen.
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Pirates are my friends and global warming is a direct response from the decline in their population, or at least thats what they always tell me. rock on fsm
p.s fsm is with me in magentavile getting wasted with me
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Oh My FSM. This is just hysterically funny.
“Don’t you find that a little biased towards Italians. I don’t appreciate your bias.”
This has to be a classic — not as good as assclowns and oars, but still good. And we wonder why a third of the American public are evangelicals. It is because they can’t grasp the simplest of ideas and therefore must credit every blob that goes bump in the night to the workings of a higher being.
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@TheLaughingMan
“A smart man sees the contradictions, solves the problems, and finds the answers.
A stupid man doesn’t get the joke.”
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@erik our spaghetti are not ” all fancy and spiced up, usually filled with exotic meats and vegetables”.
to properly celebrate a flying spaghetti monster consider to cook spaghetti in a more simpler fashion.
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TheLaughingMan does point out the contradiction that pirates are historicly murderers and rapist and we claim that we are peaceful. Well, its not a religion without some sort of contradiction is it? Speaking of contradictions TheLaughingMan notes Mr. Henderson’s “wildly imaginative ideas” and then says he is “not even creative”.
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I only wish Mr. Henderson posted their email addresses so that we could be sure they are reading the replies.
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Wow, this just shows what ignorance can do to a bored idiot.
-What I got out of the letter-
*mockingly* “Oh yeah! I’m going to go write an angry letter to a pasta-based religious organization and make myself feel better for not having been touched by his noodley appendage! I’ll look SO Smart!!! Oh! And I got it!!! I’ll add that I don’t believe in god so they can’t make fun of me anymore because; *sniff* I was so offended!…*sob sob sob*”
It’s just pitiful what people have to do to get a little attention, especially to be naive enough to say that because a food with an Italian name, resembles our god (and is totally delicious), that we’re biased against Italians, I’m just about full blooded Italian, I don’t feel offended at all that our dear FSM looks like a delicious plate of noodles (I should stop saying noodles I’m getting hungry). Anyway, my point being… why don’t these people just mind their own business instead of wasting their time writing stupid sounding letters.
PS- Pirates are the sexiest men alive! who cares if they raped people? FSM doesn’t! – RAmen!
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Dear Laugh,
.
You imply that Prophet Bobby chose to create The Flying Spaghetti Monster. Of course you have it completely backward; one does not choose to create a god – THE GOD CHOOSES TO REVEAL HIMSELF. The Great Noodly One in his infinite+1 wisdom has chosen to reveal himself to Prophet Bobby and for that he is blessed and His followers, such as I, are grateful (the term ‘grateful’, of course, deriving from the latin term for ‘grated cheese’).
.
Mock our religion if you may, but do not imply that it is somehow less legitimate than others. Ask yourself, as an atheist, would you have sent such a letter to the Pope? Perhaps you are not as much an atheist as you claim? The fact is we have real evidence that the Flying Spaghetti Monster not only exists but is the Creator of all on earth – we even have a graph!
.
May His Noodly Grateness choose to reveal Himself to you some day.
.
Brother Boyardee
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You’re no atheist, or else you’d recognize and appreciate the satire. And it’s not just Italians. Noodles hail from all over the world.
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@Comatose
because they… well… umm… huh. I guess I don’t know. that question reminds me of
“If a tree falls in a forest and noone is around to hear it, does itt make a noise?”
I’m about 1/3 Italian myself. took a trip there recently, actually… (sighs, remembering the multitudes of pasta. Mmmmm…)
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Did someone piss in his Penne defiling
the blessed Noodly Goodness?
.
“While… looking back on History I happen to find that the history of
Pirates is filled full of rape, murder, and pillaging.”
.
Is that a bad thing?
.
“rape, murder, and pillaging.”
.
Do they get listed before or after adult language and brief nudity?
.
” I’m not a Christian either, in fact I’m Aetheist.”
.
Aetheist? Is he Greek? Or is that simply his name like “Isaiah” Thomas?
I give up, I’m going for coffee and a doenut.
.
“In the long run, I would appreciate it if you proclaimed this whole thing to be a farce”
.
Come on now, who likes long, runny farces?
.
” If you are going to continue with your charade, please choose a God that represents
more people than just a minority of people in Europe.”
.
I thought my people had cornered the market on Romans?
There are days when I wish I’d never left the tomb.
.
“so that your horribly nerdy followers could get over themselves”
.
Look, a little confession here. If I could get over myself…
I’d never leave the house. *Ba-dum-bum*
Thank you and remember to tip your waitress.
I’m here in the lounge every Friday night and
do try the Pasta, it’s heavenly!
.
Peace, love and Pasta!
RAmen
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Beyond putting an X on a map, pirates generally couldn’t write very much. Didn’t need to. As a result, their history was written by land-lubbers, corporate shipping magnates who were fiddling their insurers (”honestly, the goods never arrived because the pirates took it all”) and J.M.Barrie. They got a bad press. They were actually the gypsies of their day .. romantic, free-spirited, adventurers. Splice the main-thing! Brace the yard-doodah! Keel-haul the suits! Yarrr.
>
That’s what’s missing from the lives of stiff-necked atheists and religious fundamentalists .. they’ve lost ‘romance’ and a healthy scepticism in the accuracy and impartiality of written documents.
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It’s funny how people only remember the whole rape and murder buisness with pirates and forget to mention things like the fact they didn’t treat people with a different coulour skin as subhuman.
Ramen
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@moochie
yaarrrrhhh…
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And, of course, the equal opportunities side of Pirating. You can achieve whatever you feel like, within pirating, if you REALLY put your mind to it. Heck, even TheLaughingMan could recieve employment as some form of novelty entertainment! Presenting thin-as-rice-paper arguments which are promptly ripped to shreds by the nearest 7 year old :) RAmen.
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@ fundude365
Indubitably.
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@Gnocci Man
Mmm Delicious Italian Noodley Goodness! *drools all over*
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The pirates that pillage and rape and murder obviously aren’t Pirates, you foolish laughing man. Pirates and pirates are completely different things.
And I think that someone’s missing the point!!! If the FSM wanted people like you to believe in Him, then he would have made Himself a little more obvious, but for reasons unbeknownst to me, He has hidden most of the evidence, leaving only small “nuggets” of evidence, if you will endulge me, for smart and capable minds like us Pastafarians. Therefore, we can determine that it is probable that the FSM is trying to determine who on this planet Terra is smart(me), and who is one hell of a dull crayon(you).
☺*☺*☺*☺*☺*☺*☺*☺*☺*☺
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Where to start? Okay, 1st of all, I also am an athiest. No, pastafarian dammit, no athiest arrggg..
Okay. Listen up. It’s SATIRE. I seriously doubt anyone here REALLY believes this, but you have to act like it or the whole thing doesn’t work. Plus, it’s FUN. You obviously have no sense of humor. May his Noodly Appendage touch you.
RAmen
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You people..For one, Pasta really isn’t Italian, it is just made famous by them. It was the Chinese who made pasta and noodles. Another thing is, who’d be surpised to find out who believes this L’TUAE_42. But please guys, just stop this stupid farce and save yourselvew the trouble of typing before me and a friend( who will remain unnamed) has to restart the Spanish Inquistion and get rid of some Pastafarians(maybe a certain Aethist too). But come on, if the FSM really is good, wouldn’t he give good ol’ Doctor Zoidberg some pasta?
No Worries Mon, We be Jammin’…
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@ Pladinius- Okay, for one thing, that sentence makes no sense “Another thing is, who’d be surpised to find out who believes this L’TUAE_42″
What does that mean.
And like you could ever get rid of us. We have millions, if not thousands of converts.
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@ Paladinius
The Spanish Inquisition implies that you will be asking questions, and I really don’t think you are up to it.
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@Paladinius: Like L’TUAE_42 said there are millions of us, and spread all over the globe. An inquisition is impractical, and there is no real point. Someone will conjure another diety to replace this satire, or we will spread to more understanding religions like Buda and Norse. However I am sure there are some freaks out there that cannot distinguish the reallity from the satire.
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What harm can be done by people actually believing in the FSM. It is promoted as a non-violent religion. The only harm I can see is from some Christain claiming an inqusition or Muslim claiming Jihad.
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Damn! I was trying to be so hip, but he could see right through me! Yes, I admit it! I’m a nerd. There, I said it. I know the twenty-three helping verbs in the English language! I play Scrabble on my Palm Pilot. I change the oil in my car regularly. I floss! I even gave myself a really happening name, but it’s no use. I’m the same nerd I’ve always been. I’m so ashamed.
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@Branded
Or a group of fundamentalist FSMers breaking off to form there own militant version of Pastafaria. A armed group hell bent on disruption of the legal system in America, forceful change of school curriculum and demands for a National FSM homeland in North Dakota.
Arrrg indeed.
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y R awl thu unnbeleeveas sutch gud spellas?!
diD not vay go to skule wen them waz chilldeen?
Arrr Jim lad, avast ya blaggards and shiver me timbers, Ramen.
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I am a devout atheist, but I gotta say this guy takes the cake. It’s almost like a whole new genera of hate mail. Our religion is biased towards Italians? What? I can’t believe that this is a person who has devoted himself to logic and reason.
.
Something inside me has changed as this site has evolved [sigh]. I used to love to read the hatemails to laugh at all the religious intolerance and scientific ignorace. But I’ve become saddened as I’ve come to realize that there is a bigger issue. The biggest issue that this site has uncovered is not one of fundamental religious loonacy, nor science education, nor global warming, nor the sacredness of midgits, what the honorable prophet Hendrob has laid before us, has uncovered that our nation has an incredibly large HUMOR deficit. It honestly baffles me.
.
How many of you didn’t “get it” within the first paragraph or two of the Open Letter? How many accidentally blew a snot rocket from laughing so hard? I’ve come to terms with the Creationists, or at least their motives. Their reasons for FSM hating were hard wired at an early age. The creationists will all hate FSMism, but at least most of them still “get it”. These people who read the entire OL, completely miss the forrest because of the trees, and then start writing logic equations, all proud of themselves for “debunking” something, totally make my brain bleed.
.
Is this just their initial knee-jerk reaction? How many of them instantly send an e-mail to Bobby, then look over the site more and realize that they just completly missed the boat, and made an arse of themselves? How many read on and still don’t “get it”? I’m freaking losing it Lewis Black style here! Someone help me come to terms with this!
.
Is there no form of government regulated comedy education in this nation anymore? A little basic principles of satire?
.
I think we have uncovered what should become one of the FUNDAMENTAL SOCIAL OUTREACH PROGRAMS of our ministries. We’ve been working on pasta evangelism, religious freedom, midit and pirate civil rights, and global warming. But now……
.
I now believe it is our FSM mandated duty as Pastafarians, to unite, to rise up and fight to DEFEAT HUMOR ILLITERACY!
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@Nick the Infidel
RAmen Nick
“I am a devout atheist, but I gotta say this guy takes the cake. It’s almost like a whole new genera of hate mail…..”
.
There have been a number of posts in this language lately. I thought, maybe their masters have told them not to post here using jeesus’s name, but rather post under aetheism to try and make aetheists look bad instead. ( note the word try )
I also think that these people are taught nothing but scripture. I am sure we could find humorous passages in their holy book, but I don’t if they could. No doubt they have never before been exposed to humor. Most sad!
RAmen
ps For “ignorant post induced bleeding brain” I find sacrament sometimes helps, but only sometimes!
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In the medical profession, ‘ignorant post induced bleeding brain’ is clinically known as IPIBB.
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Isn’t it biased towards jews that Jesus was a jew? How can it be biased that italians are credited for being spaghetti followers earlier than anyone else? People really don’t think much, do they? :(
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…An “aetheist” who can’t spell the word?
“To think that some noodle thing in the sky rewrote history is just pure ludacris” Give him a break… He might not be such a brilliant rapper, but there’s no need for this…
Go have some spaghetti like-a the mamma used to make-a.
(before anybody jumps me… I am italian. AND muslim. AND I do realise FSM applies to me too. I just happen to have a sense of humour…)
AHARRRRR!!!!!
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“ps For “ignorant post induced bleeding brain†I find sacrament sometimes helps, but only sometimes!”
.
Oh I dipped into the sacrements before even reading that shit storm. Now imagine what my rant might have been like without sacrements.
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The FSM meaterialised to me today and explained that it is logically impossible for anyone ever to kill anyone in the name of the FSM.
If you don’t know that, you need to hear that immediately from someone who does.
The FSM revealed that it has never asked anyone to kill anyone else and never will.
For the record: The FSM meaterialised at 21:37 GMT in the White Hart, Crawley UK
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