FUCK THIS SO CALLED SPEGETTI MONSTER. I hope that every single one of you can find faith in Jesus.
-zach
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An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
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Jesus would accept the FSM you are clearly a fake Christian
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Very pathetic. It amazes me how simple minded many can be. If one but takes a moment to look around the FSM site they would see what it is really about. In the end though I guess it dosent really matter as there are too many people now days with closed minds and very open mouths.
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“FUCK THIS SO CALLED SPEGETTI MONSTER.” Jesus taught to love all and to accept all. That deffinitly doesn’t represent love and forcing kids to learn about your religion isn’t accepting all
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zach
Please don’t hope that on me. I have seen, read and heard what it does to people.
Turns them into nasty, foul-mouthed condescending zealots.
RAmen
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…and I hope that the next time you take a painkiller, or turn on your TV, or drive in your car, or drink clean water, or use a computer, you *realise* how much faith you already have in science’s ability to correctly describe the universe, in a repeatable, predictable fashion.
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Last time I checked, Jesus had nothing to do with healthcare, or sanitation, or telecommunications, or Moore’s Law, or combustion, or any part of our reality at all.
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“Last time I checked, Jesus had nothing to do with healthcare, or sanitation, or telecommunications, or Moore’s Law, or combustion, or any part of our reality at all.”
Reminds me of the line in life of brian “what have the romans ever done for us” “sanitaion, sewage system, the roads”
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I love it when you talk like that Davey:)
They are, as we speak prpobaly desperately trying to find scientists in the above professions to write up a theory for them. Ha. Fat chance
RAmen
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how about probably
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I wonder why we respond, sometimes. People who pop in for just long enough to get absolutely no idea of what this site’s about before posting an abusive sequence of unintelligible shite never seem to show up again. Do they – can they? – read our responses at all?
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I get this mental image of monkeys at keyboards. ‘Ooh, I’ve summoned up a webpage. Hit some keys, hit some keys!’. (Perhaps this is my monkey-brained Darwinism affecting my imagination.)
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@J:
Yeah, I know what you mean. It seems like the only ones that stick around to argue are the ones that we’ve absolutely no chance of getting through to – you know the ones, the ones with a real zealous streak that’s absolutely immune to argument.
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If nic or christian were to stop posting today, I’d be really sad. As long as they’re here, there’s an opportunity for us to carry out His Noodly Work.
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So come on you zealots, come on you fuzzy thinkers, bring it. We want you.
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zach, let’s see, I’ll pencil Jesus into my life…hmmm….never. Will never work for you?
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You almost forgot but then didn’t so why entitle your post, you almost forgot when you clearly *didn’t*
Besides, if you are that open minded about other religions then WTF would anyone want to find faith in yours? Man you do well to push us even further and further away from your shrinking little island…
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Davey,
Me too. Where *are* Nic and Christian, though? Nic said he was bowing out and neither of them posted here yesterday, that I can see.
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Perhaps it’s the interval. They’ll be enjoying the ice-cream.
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Zach I hope you can learn to be a nicer person and stop being such a jerk about your beliefs.
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Uh Zach?
FUCK THIS SO CALLED JESUS CHRIST. I hope that every single one of you can find faith in FSM.
-Adam.
Yeah, doesn’t feel good, does it?
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People are always telling me that they hope I find Jeezus. But I have looked EVERYWHERE! Even under the couch. Where the fuck is he hiding? I’m so pissed that if I find him I’ll CRUCIFY HIM AGAIN. Myself!
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Max what they are saying is “I hope YOU find Jesus because we’ve looked everywhere for the bastard”
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Jesus Christ has won the world champianship of hide and seek for the last 50 years.
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Does anyone else think it’s funny that this guy wants to have sex with our god so we will find faith in his? I don’t understand the logic. Christians are so perverted.
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‘Jesus Christ has won the world champianship of hide and seek for the last 50 years’
More like 2000 years! We will all die still waiting for the long overdue return of the god-on-a-stick.
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zach is say that if you want to calm down and talk like a resonable person then we would all be alot happier most people on this site are reasonable. i’m sure we would happiely debate the moral of diffenerent religions with you but swearing out our religion isn’t going to help any of us. if you want us to convert do u realy think that would help? if i say FUCK JESUS does that make u think “hey that fsm seems preety great”?
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J’s discription of the monkeys at keyboards is soo acurate. I mean, they’re just so darn eloquent aren’t they?
P.S. My friend found Jesus, he was behind the sofa the whole time. ^_^
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‘FUCK THIS SO CALLED SPEGETTI MONSTER’ HA spegetti. learn to spell, noob.
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I wonder what he’d say if I said Jesus was black? Then if he had any ounce of wit, he’d com back with “I wonder what that fag would say if I said the Spaghetti monster was made of wheat noodles?” ‘Cause if the guy tells us to fuck our own diety, he probably says fag.
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Ugh. Another christian, out to make the entire christian community look bad.
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I don’t know if one can have sexual relations with FSM.
I do know that you CAN have sexual relations with the Christian God – A priest showed me when I was ten!
Always willing and ready – Rat!
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@RAT
……”A priest showed me when I was ten!”
Lowlife bastard priest. I believe you are probably one of many.
RAmen
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The Flying Spaghetti Monster does not like being fucked, and we Pastafarians try to dissuade all people from fucking him or any of his likenesses (regular pasta). Please respect His right to not be fucked, and our right to protect His honour.
Thank you.
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i say we all wage war on the christians in the name of Flying Spaghetti Monster!
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What like a Pastaide – to take back the Holy Sauce?
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Hmm ….hanging by noodles and drowning in scource again?
RAmen
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I think you’ll find that the FSM doesn’t think much of war. Maybe a good game of bar dice or quarters, but not war.
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People seem to be forgetting that the FSM welcomes all religions.
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Remember our guarantee… “Try our religion for 30 days. If you don’t like it, your god will likely take you back.”… well, except for Muslims. They’re not big on taking followers back, but that’s their problem.
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OEJ
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The pasta war would be unlike any seen before. We shall shake the world with our faith. Corrupt powers shall fall before us.
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WE ARE THE PASTAFARIANS, AND THESE ARE OUR FOES:
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HUNGER: We are the devotees of a pasta god, so let us do something about it. Next time you see a homeless man, woman or child, take him to the local italian joint, or hell, buy him a hotdog. The FSM is not so petty as to care how we help, just so long as we do.
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VIOLENCE: Protest the war. Argue with corporations that own arms-manufacturers (Disneyland is a scary example). Grab some pvc pipe and hairspray, make a spudgun, and spray their head offices with ballistic spaghetti.
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ILLNESS: Become an organ donor, give blood, donate to cancer or diabetes research. Go door knocking for the red cross, or go busking, and donate your proceeds to those that need it.
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IGNORANCE: Help out teaching. Get children interested in science, or at the least, help destroy the negative stereotypes. If this means you have to rock up at your local school in a labcoat and a tricorn hat, so be it. Whatever you do, don’t let them teach (un)Intelligent Design. MAKE THEM THINK.
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Above all, make love, not war (as long as it is between two consenting adults)
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You left out an important bit in your last suggestion Aussie.
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Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It’s A Piece of Rubber. If I Didn’t Want It To Feel Good When You Did It I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something. (FSM)
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RAmen
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Please tell me this is all a huge joke.You cant realy believe that a huge thing of spaghetti created everything.If you realy do believe this then you’re all idiots and I’ll pray for you.
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Dont pray for us… we’ll pray for you.
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Noodley Noodley hey… RAMEN
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You all are fucking hillarious! I don’t think you understand what the FSM is really about and listen to your selves is this how Jesus would have wanted you to treat these people. I say FUCK YOU. Go FSM!!!!!!!!
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Please tell me this is all a huge joke. You can’t really believe that a hypothetical thing called god created everything. If you really do believe this then you’re all idiots and I’ll pray for his noodly appendage to enlighten you with his tomato sauce (and teach you grammar).
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FUCK THIS SO CALLED SPEGETTI MONSTER. I hope that every single one of you can find faith in Jesus.
-zach
mmmmm, HOW BOUT NO? Ya crazy bastard!
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shouuld i also fuck Budha Allah, Zeus ect. ect.? cuz that might take a while…
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You have to love the ones that are so narrow minded they can see through a keyhole with both eyes
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FUCK THIS SO CALLED SPEGETTI MONSTER. I hope that every single one of you can find faith in Jesus.
-zach
Wow. That was so convincing, I’m going to go sign my soul to the next evangelist to come to my house. Thank you, Zach. You have saved my soul, and damned my pocketbook.
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that is the most christian like statement i have ever heard. actually, it is comments like that that have kept me from going to an organized church for the last 6 years. if you want to bring people to christ try acting like a christian, you will be more effective. cussing and saying hateful/judgemental things hinder the preahing that you are apparently trying to do.
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Yeah, the Spegetti monster sucks. however the SPAGHETTI monster will kick your illiterate little ass.
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I believe you have made a factual mistake. You see our god has a definitely represented (although of course normally invisible and incorporeal) existence. Said existence does NOT include reproductive organs that function properly with those found in those towards whom I believe this post was targeted (unless he wants them to, which he doesn’t seem to). As such I do not believe it will be easy for any of us to comply with the suggestion made in your first sentence (in which you misspelled spaghetti…).
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As to the question of the FSM’s reproductive capacities, the FSM does have a noodly appendage, and i think its pretty clear where that analogy is going…
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You know they have “Darwin Awards” for those who die doing something really stupid like standing on a ladder placed in a full swimming pool to fix electrical wiring, or lighting a cigarette lighter inside an empty fuel tanker for better vision. (True stories only folks) But what about those living that obviously carry genes related to intelligence that may be detrimental to a population.
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http://www.darwinawards.com/
The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who remove themselves from it in really stupid ways.
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Now if you think it might be easy to get one of these Darwin awards, think again. This is the type of thing you need to come up with.
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Piling up live artillery is grueling work, so it makes perfect sense that a group of soldiers would take a cigarette break at lunchtime. The warehouse was filled with 92,000 tons of ammunition — until the soldiers lit up their ciggies and inhaled deeply, ignoring warnings that smoking can cause cancer. They flicked the butts away and went back to work. The glowing embers of the tobacco butts acted like slow fuses, which started a small fire that nobody noticed until it ignited a chain reaction of massive explosions.
The explosions lasted for a week, tossing debris as far as 25 miles away, destroying buildings in a two-mile radius, and forcing the evacuation of thousands of nearby residents. Red-hot shrapnel set off additional fires in nearby towns and ruptured a minor gas pipeline. Total damage from the smoke break was estimated at $750 million.
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Now that’s fairly hard to beat!
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If your passing through the Darwin Award site you’ve got to read this:
http://www.darwinawards.com/legends/
“The Bricklayer”
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Ouch… anyone see the mythbusters expose of it? Poor buster :(
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Interesting note, btw… the idea behind mythbusters came from an Aussie company, and it only got made in the US coz noone here had both the set up AND experience to do it.
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Havn’t seen it . That Bricklayer one is from the urban myths section though. Like to see the expose. Think it would probably be as funny as the story?
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Yarrr… twas hilarious. Their crash test dummy almost exactly followed the myth… their opinion was it was a plausible myth.
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Unfortunately, they have also done one on the JATO car myth, turns out it never happened :(
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Bugga. I’ll have to try & catch up on them sometime. Here’s another one I’d like to see them test.
Unfortunate Husband II
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I found him, I found jesus, NOT!!! Pass the parmesan……..
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Thank you all for helping me realize the Truth, the Light, and the Pasta way. I had, since the age of 8 developed from a very agnostic child into a firmly atheist man. Then I was saved by His Noodly Appendage. This site was even more funny than the site I found when I awoke with a swollen uvula!
I am astounded at the lack of intelligence and command of English found in the posts made by most of the people following other religions. I now know that FSM is real and is the only true God. I have read all of His scriptures, paid attention to his followers arguements, and deep, deep inside I know it to be true. First He made a mountain, then He made trees, and then He made a midget!
It’s all so simple! Why would anyone waste their time with all that complicated scientific mumbo-jumbo. Scientists are always wrong anyways. All they have is theories, and they are always disproving those theories so then you have to think something different. When it is just so much more simple to believe in the Almighty! Trust to FSM and you too will ascend to the Glory of Heaven and be able to drink beer outside the stripper factory for eternity with me and all of my great friends.
Also, all other religions are the work of the Great Spaghetti Disolver of the Deep, he “LetHisNameNeverBeMentionedAgain” has subverted great numbers of innocents to believe in evil and we must save them all! I will be assembling my armies, and those of like minded Lords of FSM to wage Crusade against all heathens and blasphemers! You will believe in my God, the Great and Omnipotent Flying Spaghetti Monster, or you shall surely perish by my sword. Kneel or die!
RAmen
-BB
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I have fucked every single deity humans ever created, and empirically found FSM to be quite steamy, slippery, and all-embracing. Noodly appendages have amazing erotic uses.
Jesus was cute, but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying, because all he spoke was this weird tribal desert dialect, long dead now. Also he was kinda inflexible in the limbs department–you know, bones with joints.
FSM was smooth and sleek and smelled of herbs, garlic, tomato, and delightful grated hard cheeses.
Jesus had prickly whiskers and bad breath. They didn’t have dental floss in his day, and their teeth got really bad by age 33.
FSM fed me a great meal afterwards. Jesus could only offer crackers n grape juice, while assuring me they were his body and blood. YUCK!
FSM told really good jokes and gave me a pirate hat for a souvenir, which I gave away to a drunk woman living on the street because Jesus, and his followers, didn’t help him find a home. I also gave him a big clamshell take-out container of FSM.
Jesus was nowhere around. His followers were hurrying past, pretending they didn’t see this cold, hungry, lonely, aged woman who had given her whole life to others and now was spending her days and nights begging passers-by for just enough food to remain alive…and in torment. Jesus’s followers were too busy rushing home to watch Salvation TV, and to go out and convert other people, and figure out who to kill, attack, or put down next, spending all that money on bombs and weapons rather than warm snug nests for elders who deserve love and compassion and care.
FSM feeds the hungry every single day, and no miracles about it. Never heard him tell anybody to hate their family, or kill anybody. Just plate after plate of steaming nourishing pasta. The beer is good too, though I’m more of a water drinker, and I hate wine, and the idea of changing water to wine strikes me as really hideous.
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I don’t know how actual physical contact with the FSM and mammals like us would work out. I have a scary story involving a three year old boy, some ramen noodles, and a very fluffy 9 week old kitten. The three converged in my living room a few days ago, and the poor kitten got the worst of it. Somehow, the noodles that got stuck in his hair became cement-like, and I had to give him a bath. Maybe some fantasies are better left in our heads.
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I have no faith in con artists. But pasta never seals you identry or money.
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christians…………….ahhhh christians.
gotta’ love their open minds, sensitivity, love, care, compassion, and polite words.
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@Cap’n Saucy
The evolution of a pirate moggy?
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I love Christians. They taste like chicken and go great with pasta.
Ramen and pass the parmesan
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“Fuck this so-called Spaghetti Monster”
I haven’t found faith in Jesus, but I’ve found myself in Faith a few times – after a little drinking and sweet talking…
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Nikkiee, I can’t understand your accent. What’s a moggy? Is that what is trying to climb up my legs with razor-sharp claws when I least suspect it to happen? What happened to my sweet little kitten? Is it a fossil now?
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Afraid so! The sharper the claws the more the moggy. It’s what we call a bitsa cat. Yours sounds like it will make a great pirate.
RAmen
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Well, now he’s got conjunctivitis. Maybe he’ll need an eye patch. He has already been annointed by RAmen. Soon enough, he’ll be trying to go out running around the village lookin for feline wenches. Aaaarrrghhhmmmmeeeeoooowwwww!
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Soon enough, you will have to change your handle and hand it over to the real Cap’n of your abode. This is non-negotiable. Just ask Mog.
Oh! It’s a HE. Suggest you buy a gas mak when he comes of age!
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Yeah, I found faith in Jesus once, it’s when the public school system was strapping me down and shoving it down my throat.
You know the problem with your god? He acts like an angry asshole, and steals poor people’s money with his “Donate to my church or BURN IN HELL”.
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“Suggest you buy a gas mak when he comes of age!”
When he starts marking out his longditude and latitude.
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tell me. would you walk around iraq saying “FUCK ISLAM”?
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what if i say “FUCK JESUS”? huh?
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a pirates life for me!
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ok maybe that was a bit extreme, but jesus would love spaghetti!
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a pirate’s life for me!
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I somehow doubt that we shall all find faith in a man who tells his servants to fuck other religon’s gods.
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Nah, I’m good. You can have the rest of the Jesus.
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I’m glad the fundis are so funny. The humour takes the edge of the horror of their mere existance.
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nikkiee…
Yes, Halloween is over. I wish they would take off the masks.
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Yeah… like your method of convincing is really going to get us to find faith in Jesus. Tell me, does he swear and ridicule like you do?
Try talking to us when you have something intelligent to say.
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Oh yeah, and before I forget…
RAmen!
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Regarding the Spaghetti Monster War…Aren’t we instructed to merely Plunder instead?
Yar and RAman
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FUCK YEAH! Jesus Fucking hates a lot of shit. What we need is a good ole dose of “Fucking Messiah Power”!!!! Woot!
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You know, I’ve never looked in Jesus for faith? Could you please tell me where to look? I’m thinking It would fit very nicely in his lower intestines.
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Faith is in Jesus!!??!?!
I was wondering where she got to. It sounds uncomfortable for both of them.
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Is pasta kosher?
Old JC was a jewish boy. Ooops thats not supposed to be mentioned and the reason why you never see him without adequate coverage a la boxers which would give the whole game away.
I think he would have loved the Spag.Bowl Fiend…after all look would he did with the loaves and prawns, imagine what he could do with a dash of Paul Newmans wonder sauce?
Young Squire Kovacs has a good point. Open your mouth Oh Cussing One and you remove all doubt that you bumped your head in the swallow end of the gene pool.
Or rather: if complete and utter fuckwit-dom was lightning, you’d (oh Cussing One) would be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting “All gods are bastards!!!!!!!!.” Splat.
Signed
The Many Arm’d Godddess from the continent of Four X
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@Aspara
‘Open your mouth Oh Cussing One and you remove all doubt that you bumped your head in the swallow end of the gene pool.’
I love that!!!!
RAmen
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@Aspara again
Have you been to the “your god is a homo thread”?
http://www.venganza.org/2006/08/03/your-god-is-a-homo.htm
Go the denizens of the continent of xxxx
RAmen
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Not yet..I am too busy visiting My-god-was-a-freaked-out-long-haired-essendon-fan-dude-in-the-desert-that-hung-around-hungry-as-all-christ-BLUDGERS-so-they-had-a-barbie-chucked-a-prawn-or-2-on-proving-that-jesus-came-from-upperjerilderee-and-therefore-to-wit-also-a-native-of-the-continent-of-four-x-and who the hell-didn’t-bring-the-beer-burp.html.
I don’t speak english you see,what?
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Your second line ran right of the page, so I couldn’t read the end of it.
I think all the dashes do that?
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Faith?
What is faith?
What is?
What?
You see how the flowchart logic runs?
I run my life along these lines: my life could be visualised as a sort of business flowchart with, at the top, a circle entitled “Me, who does the telling” and, connected below it by a line, a large circle entitled “Everyone else”.
I digress
WHAT IS FAITH?
IS FAITH WHAT?
FAITH IS WHAT?
Thats how I see it.
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Yes dashes will do that somewhat.
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Logic! You need to get a longer screen!
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Oh Ye of Faith!
Don’t forget the famous gospel “The Chain Letter to the Ephebians!” Forget Your Gods. Be Subjugated. Learn to Fear. Post 50 copies out of this warning! Do not break the chain –the last person who did woke up one morning to find fifty thousand armed men on their lawn and there first born hamsters clean dead.
True.
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Apsara
Logic! You need to get a longer screen!
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You mean like one from the drive in movies?
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hmmm…
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I have really nothing to add to this convo, except @Apsara
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GO BOMBERS!! (they’re the essendon football team incase you are wondering)
Btw, I’ve always thought of jesus as more of a saints fan. Bit of a joke now, and their only real victory was way back in prehistory.
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@ Jingles
Some of those OTHERS ACROSS THE DITCH think the Big J plays/prays for the All Blacks.
I’ll wash my mouth out now
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Oh lordy…
Good thing we worship pasta then. So much more logical.
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Begone Tom Crazy spammer
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Walk the plank, convertist.
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FUCK THIS SO CALLED JESUS. I hope that every single one of you can find faith in the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
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