I wouldn’t want to be you when you stand before God.
If you are right, and evolution is the only answer, then we will all just be dirt-food when we die. But if you are wrong, and the intelligent design people are right and there is a God, then you’ll be in a tough spot.
By the way, did you ever read what the Kansas School Board had proposed? It doesn’t sound like it from your letter.
California Boy
431 Responses to “I wouldn’t want to be you when you stand before God”
How are you to know how your god achieved his creation? Were you there? Maybe, but do you remember? No, I really doubt it. You have what the Bible tells you, a “Cliff-Notes” version for the Israelites of the time, because quite frankly, the explanation of Creation would be like explaining nuclear fission to a 5 year-old. It would be beyond their grasp by a long-shot–they were lucky to worship their God more than 50% of the time.
Read the Bible and make up your own mind, rather than what’s force-fed you by your know-it-all pastor. The beauty of Pastafarianism is that we are all free to seek his Noodly Appendage and learn of his vast creation. May you feel the touch of his Noodly Appendage. RAmen.
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djjack -
Sep 19th, 2006
Whoever said that anyone thinks that evolution is the only answer? I don’t think anyone’s saying that. I believe that Evolution is a scientific theory, and that right now it’s the best explanation for the numbers and varieties of life here on Earth. I also believe that Intelligent Design, although it might be a “theory”, it should not be taught as science in schools. If it is to be taught, then why not teach alternate theories, such as FSM? Personally, I like the theory of Intelligent Design, but I don’t believe it is science. It’s religion. Period.
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Daniel -
Sep 19th, 2006
Let Evolution be taught in the home and your own version of Creation (whatever it may be) be taught at home…where parents are parents, of all the strange things.
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Allen -
Sep 19th, 2006
“Since life and death are each other’s companions, why worry about them? All beings are one.” (Chuang-Tzu)
Evolution is just our current scientific state of understanding of how we came to be. Nobody ever said that we would never come up with new theories or ever said that this is our only option.
We all have our belief’s and I don’t see why a god if there is one, would send someone to hell for not believing that god snapped his fingers and created everything. I find it completely illogical to think that a “merciful God” would send someone to hell for not believing in him.
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cap’n col -
Sep 19th, 2006
I will stand before FSM and praise his big balls.
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thorkia -
Sep 19th, 2006
As a devout Christian that believes not only that God does exist, but that He is the Creator of all things, I would like to leave my 4 cents (many of my fellow Bible thumpers would call this my testimony, and just as many would call it Blasphemy):
Cent number one: I believe that God works thru natural laws. I believe that God is bound by the same laws of physics, science, biolgy, etc.. that we are when interacting with this creation. But keep in mind that God is much much more intelligent than us, and many of His doings appear like miracles to us as the science underlying the act would be incomprehensible to us. Hence God’s use of symbolism when explaining the creation in the Bible.
Cent number two: Science is another religion. All attempts decypher the natural laws of the universe are merely another way of understanding God. Einstien said thet he would think If I were God, how would I do it, to help him come up with his theories.
Cent number three: Evolution is the most accurate scientific theory to date to explain how we came to be. It needs to be taught in schools. Creation does not deny God exists. I believe that God established a set of rules/laws in the beginning that would allow our universe to exist the way it is, and would allow intellegint life to come to pass. I believe after establishing these laws, He set the big bang in motion.
Cent number four: Intelligent Design is not really a valid testable scientific theory. I believe it is an amazing philosphy. I believe that it needs to be taught. But not in science class. Teach it in a high school philosphy or religion class. Don’t teach it to my kids in School, as I will teach them about God at home. I need the school system teach my kids about math, english, geograhpy, history, science, etc.
Now some extremely long time period later, we exist. Our existence is a testimony of His existance. Our attempts to decypher the laws He established do not constitute blasphemy, denial of His existance, etc… I believe our attempts to decypher the rules of the universe and our existance thru science allow us to better understand His methods, His reasons, and His magnificance.
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Daniel -
Sep 19th, 2006
You can’t be Christian. You didn’t tell us to go to Hell, or use swears, and you’re far too reasonable, I mean, aren’t you going to tell us you pray down fire and earthquakes? Are you sure you’re not really a “Pastafarian?”
(Thank you for showing us that there are Christians that do know how to use the God given gray matter in their skulls!)
May He Touch you with His Noodly Appendage! Go in Peace! RAmen.
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Allen -
Sep 19th, 2006
“Science and Religion are but two bridges to one path, it’s depressing that they can not cooperate”
My own personal belief is that the Earth itself is devine. What surrounds us is devine. Yin and Yang keep it in the balance that the Earth needs to support life.
Anyways that is just a little too deep for replying on a hate mail letter.
But, basically just to repeat what Daniel said, thanks for being a respectful logical thinking human being.
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Jose -
Sep 19th, 2006
I am currently contemplating on things which are very toubling to me,
I wonder how you view your life in light of the fact that only too soon your life will cease as well as mine, and at that appointed time both our lives will have amounted to absolute nothingness. Contemplating the complete worthlessness of both our lives i struggle to find reason to take in that next breath, for you and me are but a squelch of static about to be tuned out. Our lives both lead up to the our deaths and no more will our influence be felt or or achievments mater. And as the sun about which our planet orbits goes nova all of life on earth will have been reduced to mere nothingness. Complete waste of time is what are lives our. Absolute horror is what it is. Unless of course you have encountered the simple undeniable message of Salvation in Christ Jesus. then every breath matters. And a great deal of people including yourself may shoot me down and mock, scoff, persecute me. Incessantly prodding me to prove my faith’s validity and existence. But my God speaks for himself, but he has said that those with ears may hear and those with eyes may see but their hearts will be cold and hard as stone and your understanding may never grasp the gravity of our situation on this forsaken ball. I break into tears as i consider our fates a waste of life and breath we are for what starts, ends, Unless you know the One who started it…
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Voxx -
Sep 19th, 2006
This sounds a bit like Pascal’s Wager.
But what if every single religion on this earth is incorrect, and the TRUE god happens to be one who punishes people based on whether their favourite number is divisible by 22.564?
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Cyberatog -
Sep 19th, 2006
thorkia, wow, good post. You sound more like some sort of semi-agnostic (or is generally religious a religion?).
In the past, I believed Baphomet kept the world in its state, and the universe was a huge living creature.
Religion is good as long as it encourage you, strengthen your spirit, etc. However- when religion becomes lifestyle it becomes dangerous. First you bow down to a higher power and can no longer live as a free man, you take every word written as law. Then, you try to convert others, but only because it worked for you doesnt mean it works for others. Soon you also think that everyone is going to hell who thinks differently. And, then, the illusions can begin in the worst case. You think everyone is a satanist, it is a worldly conspiracy, and end up converting someone to this evil circle, and so it goes on until we are all zombies.
Sargoth-Kuul claims another victim.
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Superkeep -
Sep 19th, 2006
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm… dirtfood
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Valkyrie -
Sep 19th, 2006
Odin likes spegetthi and vikings made awesome pirates. As a happy viking to a pirate, Hail the gods!
Oh and my Church of the Zombie Christ friends give a shout to the pirates, “Yarrr!”
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Tortoise -
Sep 19th, 2006
Well, Jose, you have described your own concerns very clearly, but here is the problem: You must not assume that everyone else shares these same fears. I don’t even feel especially important in life; I could give a rat’s a** about being reduced to “mere nothingness” after death. In fact, it sounds quite peaceful to me. On the other hand, the prospect of “everlasting life” in the hereafter would fill me with absolute dread (if I believed in it). Eternity is one h*ll of a long time you know. Some salvation.
If your beliefs are helpful for you, that’s great. But many people are able to contemplate exactly the same questions that so trouble you, without the need to invoke any kind of supernatural solution to bail themselves out.
These are YOUR fears, and your beliefs help YOU deal with them. And they may very well help other people who think like you do. But not everybody has the same fears as you, and your beliefs would be a solution to a problem that they don’t have in the first place. Once you realize this, you will no longer need to worry about people shooting you down, mocking, scoffing, or persecuting you. Perhaps it will give you some peace.
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Valkyrie -
Sep 19th, 2006
Oh, and Valhalla has beer too- and ale! The eventual Great Plan is to muster up enough warriors to storm the pearly gates and pillage the golden streets of that christian heaven next door. Any pirate souls are welcome to join our longships to sail the seas of the afterlife on the Great Raid!
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Donatien -
Sep 19th, 2006
I wouldn’t want to be you when you stand before the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
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St John the Blasphemist -
Sep 20th, 2006
I wouldn’t want you to be me when I stand before the FSM, God, Eris, etc. What would be the fun in that?
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Laurie -
Sep 20th, 2006
I am happy to have found FSM. I live amongst those untouched by the noodle. Let me tell you, it’s not easy. Day in, day out, always with the Jesus. It really blows my abnormally small head up. My understanding is this: He wanted/needed someone to worship him. He created us. He loves us. If we love him we have eternal bliss. If we reject him we have eternal torture. I am leaning toward the flaming torture currently. See, a burn is a painful sensation. But it’s SENSATIONAL! Hanging with my in-laws hearing about God and Muslims and Heaven and all, that’s tough for lunch, let alone time immemorial. Why would you waste all that liquid-gold-God-time making an A-hole like me. Dammit, you knew you were just gonna cook me anyway! WTF? What’s up with God being a he? Why is that so important? I don’t mean to get too very offensive, but does he come equipped with the full package? And what is the point of a deity with the ‘whole enchilada’? Really, I’ve never heard anyone pass that particular volleyball around. Christians get pissed if you suggest that God might be a woman. Why is it so important that he be he? Who is he trolling around for in Heaven’s Margaritaville? Other than me- to cook. Sizzle.
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Matthys -
Sep 20th, 2006
i agree! your FSM will only be a a pile of mince when Christianity is finished with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD Rules
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Père des Pâtes -
Sep 20th, 2006
Ah, so it’s a battle of the Gods, huh? Well, here’s hoping you make out better than Baal did against the Israelites.
.
Seriously, what is your “testimony” based on? Your Pastor’s say-so? yeah. That’ll get you into your Heaven.
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Lord Cromdar -
Sep 20th, 2006
Matthys
Sep 20th, 2006 at 12:53 am
i agree! your FSM will only be a a pile of mince when Christianity is finished with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD Rules
Thats if Islam doesnt get to you first.
Religion is just a way of keeping humanity in awe
by believing in it we are just fooling ourselves
FSM is not an aggresive religion, its just an alternate belief
How many of you ‘Christians’ attack tom cruise? None i bet.
Anyways
Ive felt his noodly appendages more than once, because I AM LORD CROMDAR! RULER OF THE ALTERNATE DIMENSION! AND AVATAR OF THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!
ALL WORSHIP LORD CROMDAR!
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Claudia -
Sep 20th, 2006
I can not believe that the people from the “first nation” believe in stupide ideas like “intelligent design” and “crationism”! In Germany most people think that the USA are the world leading country in relation to natural science … well I think we have to think again!
C
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djjack -
Sep 20th, 2006
Claudia,
I’m so ashamed. No, really. Our own founding fathers (and mothers) wanted so desperately to protect freedom of religion. How is it free if ID is being taught in our schools? Yet, I see a lot of religious intolerance going on here. Leave it up to any bunch of people to really screw things up. I’m not going to get all political here, but I think that maybe I nee to move to Canada. Eh? I was born in the USA, and I love my country, but I really wonder, as you do, about some of the people in it.
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Cynic -
Sep 20th, 2006
Ezekiel 16, 35 shows us what he really things about people giving themselves in to sexual intercourse.
Peace to the spagetthi monster. I am his faithfull follower until all kreationists are burned by their god´s hellfire.
Adios
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Tim the Cabin Boy -
Sep 20th, 2006
“Valkyrie Sep 19th, 2006 at 11:27 pm
Odin likes spegetthi and vikings made awesome pirates. As a happy viking to a pirate, Hail the gods!
Oh and my Church of the Zombie Christ friends give a shout to the pirates, “Yarrr!—
Very interesting parralel here actually.
Vikings and Pirates could be considered one and the same, and Odin’s “Valhalla” is similar to His Heaven except rather than Volcanos of Beer its “Never Ending Mead Horns” and rather than the Striper Factory its ” mead serving wenches and half naked Valkyries”
Very interesting…especially as Vikings were some of the first famous pirates.
Tim the Cabin Boy
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Captain Reed Bradenbeard -
Sep 20th, 2006
Even if evolution is the answer, can’t God still exist? Does it have to be one or the other, you simple-minded buffoon?
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ElmotheStoner -
Sep 20th, 2006
Intelligent Design is the answer….and I wouldn’t want to be you when you stand in front of the FSM. May he touch you with his noodly appendage before it’s too late ;).
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DreadPirateBob -
Sep 20th, 2006
I wouldn’t want to be you when you stand before the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
If you are right, and creationism is the only answer, then we will all just be dirt-food when we die. But if you are wrong, and the Pastafarian people are right and there is a Flying Spaghetti Monster, then you’ll be in a tough spot.
By the way, did you ever read what the Kansas School Board had proposed? It doesn’t sound like it from your letter.
Dread Pirate Bob
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Captain McFeathers III -
Sep 20th, 2006
“Argueing over who has the better God is like argueing over who has the best imaginary friend.”
.
Personally, I like to believe that God is really lazy, and instead of mearly creating all things one day (or many as the case may be) he set forth a series of events (known as evolution) and just sat back to see what would happen. Personally I think that would be much more entertaining over eternity then making statues bleed or drink milk every couple of days or so. Thus, because I didn’t wanna get sucked up with all them crazy-like folk who run around thumbing their religios text of choice and telling me how I will goto hell I decided the flying spaghetti monster was right. Also because he is scientifically sound and with my theory I can believe he exists and continue on in the sciences! You rule FSM!
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Pete Yellowbeard -
Sep 20th, 2006
Yaar te ye, Yankee brethren!
FSM-ism has reached the land of the Scots, and it’s tentacles spread through the highland glens.
Just a brief point about church and state – two-thirds of the founding fathers were either first or second generation Scots, and they were quite specific on the matter – absolute separation of the two, so that the mistakes made by the Church in Britain would not be repeated in the new world; so that America would be spared the hundreds of years of religious conflict already endured in Britain. You have had ample warning!
Ah-har!!!!
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TheHolg -
Sep 20th, 2006
@California Boy: I wouldn’t want to be you when you stand before the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
If you are right, and intelligent design is the only answer, then we will all be in Heaven when we die (except you, of course). But if you are wrong, and the FSM people are right and there is the Flying Spaghetti Monster, then you’ll be in a tough spot.
Then, I guess, you wished evolution-theory to be true (but don’t worry, it is – and the Flying Spaghetti Monster told me, it agrees on this one ;-)
TheHolg
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John Galt -
Sep 20th, 2006
“Personally, I like to believe that God is really lazy, and instead of mearly creating all things one day (or many as the case may be) he set forth a series of events (known as evolution) and just sat back to see what would happen.”
That’s Deism, the original religion of many of the Founding Fathers, including Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Paine, and George Washington. Basically, its like the earth was created like a giant clock that was started off billions of years ago and is now ticking without any interference. It allows for evolution and intelligent design, and is based fully on reason and rationality, not on some centuries old text. Good stuff.
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mr -
Sep 20th, 2006
Thank you for this wonderful website and for this wonderfull religion, and also thank you for finally giving me something i can hit back with that will counter the ignorant statergies of your standard religious nut.
It has been wonderful have something able to have an effect on people when common sence is an alien proposition to them. May the great flying spaghetti monster long reign over all.
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Steve -
Sep 20th, 2006
“That’s Deism, the original religion of many of the Founding Fathers, including Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Paine, and George Washington. Basically, its like the earth was created like a giant clock that was started off billions of years ago and is now ticking without any interference. It allows for evolution and intelligent design, and is based fully on reason and rationality, not on some centuries old text. Good stuff.”
Yes, deism is a religion. But, to characterize a religion as being “based fully on reason and rationality” is unreasonable. Religion is based on faith. Faith is the antithesis of reason.
It is reasonable to accept that there may be a god or gods since we as humans cannot understand the totality of the universe. But, having faith in something that cannot be tested is a symptom of irrationality. Even in the Bible, no human was around for the creation of Earth. So, the theory that a god created everything is a nice idea, but it cannot be shown to be true without faith and irrationality.
1) It is nice to have someone write that Intelligent Design is the same as religion. I know it is true, but many people are disingenous in their promotion of ID.
2) It is a truly Christian sentiment to wish enternal pain on your fellow human? This letter is a sin. Have you asked your god for forgiveness yet?
3) The Kansas School Board claimed that by adding the ID information they were promoting critical thinking. But, it was the opposite. If you want to promote critical thinking, then you introduce ID and state that there is no scientific proof nor has this theory had an experiement devised to test it. So, ID does not deserve the same weight in science classes as other TESTABLE theories do.
If Kansas had taken this route, then there would not have been the outrage in science community. But, they chose to try to give equal weight to a nonsense theory and one that has been tested repeatedly. This is not what science does. And, it would be a disservice to the Kansas students to perpetrate such a poorly thought out curriculm. It would have reduced the critical thinking skills that it claimed to support.
If you wish to believe in a religion that is cool. But, the US freedom of religion works both ways. I don’t have the right to force my lack of religion down your throat, and you don’t have the right to force your religion down mine. Because the people of the US have a mix of religions, the simplest answer is to keep all religions out of the government. This is not an attack on Christians; it is a way to maintain a measure of unity for the American people no matter our other ideas.
But, it is patently unpatriotic not to question the government at all times. It is unpatriotic to promote one religion over all others by putting “god” onto money or into the Pledge of Allegiance. We have a secular soceity. And, this is what the religious fanatics fear whether they are Islamic terrorists or homegrown Christian terrorists. Religion is all about control. And, religious figures will not give up their power without a fight.
Anywho, have a nice day. :)
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Beagle -
Sep 20th, 2006
Quote:
“If you are right, and evolution is the only answer, then we will all just be dirt-food when we die. But if you are wrong, and the intelligent design people are right and there is a God, then you’ll be in a tough spot.”
If you are right, you go to paradise when your dead.
But if you are wrong, than you have wasted a part of the only live that you had.
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Père des Pâtes -
Sep 20th, 2006
And if you’re so bound up in what other people tell you instead of deciding what’s true between yourself and God (or FSM if you so desire), then you’re wrong to. The Bible says “If any of ye lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who giveth to _all_ men liberally and upbraideth (chastiseth) not, and it shall be given him.” (James 1:5 (KJV) emphasis added)
.
Rather than listen to a pastor who’s paid to tell you what to think, read your holy book and make up your mind yourself. How are you better than the suicide bomber who will only listen to their Imam? Islam _means_ peace, not al-Qaeda. The point is, if you don’t make up your own mind, someone will make it up for you and thus control you, and you become a pawn to them. Make up your own mind, that’s why God/FSM gave it to you!
.
_That_ is why ID should not be taught, or it should be taught with Pastafarianism and any other idea. Science and Religion _are_not_ Mutually Exclusive!
.
Vas en paix, may His Noodly Appendage Touch your Mind. RAmen.
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beeradicted -
Sep 20th, 2006
Oh, all of you put down your verbal weapons and remind that for minced mead thou art, and unto digested mead shalt thou return. Peace on you all !!!
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Emi -
Sep 20th, 2006
On one hand, we have Genesis, blah blah, don’t eat the fruit, the most boring read ever.
On the noodle, we have midgits, pirates, and beer for everyone.
Now tell me which out of the three I’m going to believe. Hint: I have an eyepatch.
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don steitz -
Sep 20th, 2006
I have finally found the God that is right for me. I am spiritually reaching out right now to caress his Noodly Appendage.
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shawn -
Sep 20th, 2006
All these christians touting the old testement. The god of the old testement was vengeful and angry. The god of the new testement was a bit more loving. According to the bible christ came to teach everyone a new way of living and throw out the old rules. The followers of christ became known as christians. Now if you follow christ and his path that is ment to replace the old path I think you see where I am going with this. The old school of thought said the world was created in 7 days. Christ never said that. As a follower of christ should you not follow the teachings of christ and not the older school of thought found in the old testement. Jesus stated in no uncertain terms love thy neighbor as thy self and judge not lest the be judged. So when you say “I wouldn’t want to be you when you stand before God.” You are being judgemental (about something only god can judge) and you are not being loving. Hence you are not following the teaching of christ and are taking unchristian actions. So at the very best you are a crappy christian but mayhap not even christian at all.
I like christ. I do not like christians. They are so unlike christ.
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Zona -
Sep 20th, 2006
“The most preposterous notion that H. sapiens has ever dreamed up is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of all the Universes, wants the saccharine adoration of His creatures, can be swayed by their prayers, and becomes petulant if He does not receive this flattery. Yet this absurd fantasy, without a shred of evidence to bolster it, pays all the expenses of the oldest, largest, and least productive industry in all history. ”
-Lazarus Long
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Lorenzo -
Sep 20th, 2006
After ages of Christian dogmas and fakes, finally some believes that make sense.
PRAISE THE FSM!! His mighty majesty touched me, and i’m feeling enlightened.
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Sever -
Sep 20th, 2006
I’d hate to be you if the Jew’s or Muslims are right.
Your opinion is already flawed, before you even thought of it, California boy.
For a religious debator to debate, he must have arguements that can’t be used for any religion.
I find it ironic that intelligent design has the word intelligent in it.
It’s wretchedly farfetched the way that people look towards others who base their beliefs off of facts and logic (rather than speculation) as the dumb or crazy ones.
-sever
Money is God.
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smarter than you -
Sep 20th, 2006
ZONA. homo sapiens might have just dreamed it up. but okay, why do you care and what is your motive to change what we think. i dont really pray anymore except for forgiveness because it has gotten me nowhere, but in my own opinion, i dont deserve anything from God. in general, im probably what God would consider a bad person. least productive industry in all history? are you speaking of the church cuz back in the day the church was FILTHY RICH.
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collin -
Sep 20th, 2006
Stop that. You’re making us Californians look bad.
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JOHN -
Sep 20th, 2006
Uhm… has anyone else ever considered the possibility that God created everything, but that both he and his vessels (Moses, Jesus, Mohommad, etc.) aren’t quite sure how it was done themselves? I mean, what if “God” was sorta like the user of a brand new computer… he learned how to use it, but had no idea how it actually worked? I mean, where in the Bible (or the Qu’ran, etc.) does it say that God knew from the beginning how everything worked?
Maybe he just clicked the “Create Planet” button, then the “Create Life” button the day after (or five days later, whatever). How can anyone be certain that “God” actually knows what’s he’s doing?
Maybe God is just a really good gamer, you know? Maybe He didn’t create the game, but He’s learned how to use it very well. Think of The Sims– who else here loves that game but lacks the ability to create it?
Perhaps the designer of this “game” we call reality is content to sit back, out of the limelight, and provide the occasional patch download or expansion pack. Maybe he (or she) just likes watching how his program will be used.
John
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Katharina -
Sep 21st, 2006
We from Germany can’t understand what you are doing in Kansas – are you really serious about that? Everybody of course is free to believe in whatever he wants, but teaching children stuff like this is dangerous. I’m not talking about the Spaghettimonster or what ever, I’m talking about telling the kids God createt everything and sciense is nothing! That’s so stupid, we can’t even find the right words!
It’s a shame that modern people still do think like that – I’m glad to live in germany, where things like this never could happen!!!
Friedrich Nietzsche: “Gott ist tot” (die fröhliche Wissenschaft) Diesen Satz brauche ich nicht zu übersetzen, denn jemand, der so aufgeklärt ist und sich für Nietzsche interessiert, ist auch so europäisiert, dass er diesen kurzen deutschen Satz verstehen wird!
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gwood -
Sep 21st, 2006
“I believe that God is bound by the same laws of physics, science, biolgy, etc.. that we are” -Thorkia
Then there is no god, because god, or God, if you wish, is by definition a SUPERnatural being. Get that? It means ‘outside nature.’ And nature is, by definition, all that exists. You can’t have both.
“Don’t teach it to my kids in School, as I will teach them about God at home. I need the school system teach my kids about math, english, geograhpy, history, science, etc. ”
-Thorkia
While you’re at it, teach your kids to capitalize English, not just He and God.
Sorry for the harsh tone, I get so weary of people trying to rationalize their mythology.
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gwood -
Sep 21st, 2006
This new forum isn’t good. More difficult to use, hard to see the big overview. And this form doesn’t let you format your post into paragraphs. Unless I’m doing something wrong.
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Noodly…? -
Sep 21st, 2006
Personally, I like to believe that God is really lazy
When i do think of a god (not often, FSM rules =D) i tend to think of a small child, sitting on an anthill, with a magnifying glass in his hand…guess who we are?
An elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is neither too elaborate nor too spoofy to succeed in nailing the fallacies of ID. It's even wackier than Jonathan Swift's suggestion that the Irish eat their children as a way to keep them from being a burden, and it may offend just as many people, but Henderson, described elsewhere as a 25-year-old "out-of-work physics major," puts satire to the same serious use that Swift did. Oh, yes, it is very funny. -- Scientific American
How are you to know how your god achieved his creation? Were you there? Maybe, but do you remember? No, I really doubt it. You have what the Bible tells you, a “Cliff-Notes” version for the Israelites of the time, because quite frankly, the explanation of Creation would be like explaining nuclear fission to a 5 year-old. It would be beyond their grasp by a long-shot–they were lucky to worship their God more than 50% of the time.
Read the Bible and make up your own mind, rather than what’s force-fed you by your know-it-all pastor. The beauty of Pastafarianism is that we are all free to seek his Noodly Appendage and learn of his vast creation. May you feel the touch of his Noodly Appendage. RAmen.
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Whoever said that anyone thinks that evolution is the only answer? I don’t think anyone’s saying that. I believe that Evolution is a scientific theory, and that right now it’s the best explanation for the numbers and varieties of life here on Earth. I also believe that Intelligent Design, although it might be a “theory”, it should not be taught as science in schools. If it is to be taught, then why not teach alternate theories, such as FSM? Personally, I like the theory of Intelligent Design, but I don’t believe it is science. It’s religion. Period.
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Let Evolution be taught in the home and your own version of Creation (whatever it may be) be taught at home…where parents are parents, of all the strange things.
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“Since life and death are each other’s companions, why worry about them? All beings are one.” (Chuang-Tzu)
Evolution is just our current scientific state of understanding of how we came to be. Nobody ever said that we would never come up with new theories or ever said that this is our only option.
We all have our belief’s and I don’t see why a god if there is one, would send someone to hell for not believing that god snapped his fingers and created everything. I find it completely illogical to think that a “merciful God” would send someone to hell for not believing in him.
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I will stand before FSM and praise his big balls.
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As a devout Christian that believes not only that God does exist, but that He is the Creator of all things, I would like to leave my 4 cents (many of my fellow Bible thumpers would call this my testimony, and just as many would call it Blasphemy):
Cent number one: I believe that God works thru natural laws. I believe that God is bound by the same laws of physics, science, biolgy, etc.. that we are when interacting with this creation. But keep in mind that God is much much more intelligent than us, and many of His doings appear like miracles to us as the science underlying the act would be incomprehensible to us. Hence God’s use of symbolism when explaining the creation in the Bible.
Cent number two: Science is another religion. All attempts decypher the natural laws of the universe are merely another way of understanding God. Einstien said thet he would think If I were God, how would I do it, to help him come up with his theories.
Cent number three: Evolution is the most accurate scientific theory to date to explain how we came to be. It needs to be taught in schools. Creation does not deny God exists. I believe that God established a set of rules/laws in the beginning that would allow our universe to exist the way it is, and would allow intellegint life to come to pass. I believe after establishing these laws, He set the big bang in motion.
Cent number four: Intelligent Design is not really a valid testable scientific theory. I believe it is an amazing philosphy. I believe that it needs to be taught. But not in science class. Teach it in a high school philosphy or religion class. Don’t teach it to my kids in School, as I will teach them about God at home. I need the school system teach my kids about math, english, geograhpy, history, science, etc.
Now some extremely long time period later, we exist. Our existence is a testimony of His existance. Our attempts to decypher the laws He established do not constitute blasphemy, denial of His existance, etc… I believe our attempts to decypher the rules of the universe and our existance thru science allow us to better understand His methods, His reasons, and His magnificance.
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You can’t be Christian. You didn’t tell us to go to Hell, or use swears, and you’re far too reasonable, I mean, aren’t you going to tell us you pray down fire and earthquakes? Are you sure you’re not really a “Pastafarian?”
(Thank you for showing us that there are Christians that do know how to use the God given gray matter in their skulls!)
May He Touch you with His Noodly Appendage! Go in Peace! RAmen.
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“Science and Religion are but two bridges to one path, it’s depressing that they can not cooperate”
My own personal belief is that the Earth itself is devine. What surrounds us is devine. Yin and Yang keep it in the balance that the Earth needs to support life.
Anyways that is just a little too deep for replying on a hate mail letter.
But, basically just to repeat what Daniel said, thanks for being a respectful logical thinking human being.
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I am currently contemplating on things which are very toubling to me,
I wonder how you view your life in light of the fact that only too soon your life will cease as well as mine, and at that appointed time both our lives will have amounted to absolute nothingness. Contemplating the complete worthlessness of both our lives i struggle to find reason to take in that next breath, for you and me are but a squelch of static about to be tuned out. Our lives both lead up to the our deaths and no more will our influence be felt or or achievments mater. And as the sun about which our planet orbits goes nova all of life on earth will have been reduced to mere nothingness. Complete waste of time is what are lives our. Absolute horror is what it is. Unless of course you have encountered the simple undeniable message of Salvation in Christ Jesus. then every breath matters. And a great deal of people including yourself may shoot me down and mock, scoff, persecute me. Incessantly prodding me to prove my faith’s validity and existence. But my God speaks for himself, but he has said that those with ears may hear and those with eyes may see but their hearts will be cold and hard as stone and your understanding may never grasp the gravity of our situation on this forsaken ball. I break into tears as i consider our fates a waste of life and breath we are for what starts, ends, Unless you know the One who started it…
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This sounds a bit like Pascal’s Wager.
But what if every single religion on this earth is incorrect, and the TRUE god happens to be one who punishes people based on whether their favourite number is divisible by 22.564?
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thorkia, wow, good post. You sound more like some sort of semi-agnostic (or is generally religious a religion?).
In the past, I believed Baphomet kept the world in its state, and the universe was a huge living creature.
Religion is good as long as it encourage you, strengthen your spirit, etc. However- when religion becomes lifestyle it becomes dangerous. First you bow down to a higher power and can no longer live as a free man, you take every word written as law. Then, you try to convert others, but only because it worked for you doesnt mean it works for others. Soon you also think that everyone is going to hell who thinks differently. And, then, the illusions can begin in the worst case. You think everyone is a satanist, it is a worldly conspiracy, and end up converting someone to this evil circle, and so it goes on until we are all zombies.
Sargoth-Kuul claims another victim.
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mmmmmmmmmmmmmm… dirtfood
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Odin likes spegetthi and vikings made awesome pirates. As a happy viking to a pirate, Hail the gods!
Oh and my Church of the Zombie Christ friends give a shout to the pirates, “Yarrr!”
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Well, Jose, you have described your own concerns very clearly, but here is the problem: You must not assume that everyone else shares these same fears. I don’t even feel especially important in life; I could give a rat’s a** about being reduced to “mere nothingness” after death. In fact, it sounds quite peaceful to me. On the other hand, the prospect of “everlasting life” in the hereafter would fill me with absolute dread (if I believed in it). Eternity is one h*ll of a long time you know. Some salvation.
If your beliefs are helpful for you, that’s great. But many people are able to contemplate exactly the same questions that so trouble you, without the need to invoke any kind of supernatural solution to bail themselves out.
These are YOUR fears, and your beliefs help YOU deal with them. And they may very well help other people who think like you do. But not everybody has the same fears as you, and your beliefs would be a solution to a problem that they don’t have in the first place. Once you realize this, you will no longer need to worry about people shooting you down, mocking, scoffing, or persecuting you. Perhaps it will give you some peace.
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Oh, and Valhalla has beer too- and ale! The eventual Great Plan is to muster up enough warriors to storm the pearly gates and pillage the golden streets of that christian heaven next door. Any pirate souls are welcome to join our longships to sail the seas of the afterlife on the Great Raid!
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I wouldn’t want to be you when you stand before the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
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I wouldn’t want you to be me when I stand before the FSM, God, Eris, etc. What would be the fun in that?
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I am happy to have found FSM. I live amongst those untouched by the noodle. Let me tell you, it’s not easy. Day in, day out, always with the Jesus. It really blows my abnormally small head up. My understanding is this: He wanted/needed someone to worship him. He created us. He loves us. If we love him we have eternal bliss. If we reject him we have eternal torture. I am leaning toward the flaming torture currently. See, a burn is a painful sensation. But it’s SENSATIONAL! Hanging with my in-laws hearing about God and Muslims and Heaven and all, that’s tough for lunch, let alone time immemorial. Why would you waste all that liquid-gold-God-time making an A-hole like me. Dammit, you knew you were just gonna cook me anyway! WTF? What’s up with God being a he? Why is that so important? I don’t mean to get too very offensive, but does he come equipped with the full package? And what is the point of a deity with the ‘whole enchilada’? Really, I’ve never heard anyone pass that particular volleyball around. Christians get pissed if you suggest that God might be a woman. Why is it so important that he be he? Who is he trolling around for in Heaven’s Margaritaville? Other than me- to cook. Sizzle.
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i agree! your FSM will only be a a pile of mince when Christianity is finished with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD Rules
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Ah, so it’s a battle of the Gods, huh? Well, here’s hoping you make out better than Baal did against the Israelites.
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Seriously, what is your “testimony” based on? Your Pastor’s say-so? yeah. That’ll get you into your Heaven.
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Matthys
Sep 20th, 2006 at 12:53 am
i agree! your FSM will only be a a pile of mince when Christianity is finished with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD Rules
Thats if Islam doesnt get to you first.
Religion is just a way of keeping humanity in awe
by believing in it we are just fooling ourselves
FSM is not an aggresive religion, its just an alternate belief
How many of you ‘Christians’ attack tom cruise? None i bet.
Anyways
Ive felt his noodly appendages more than once, because I AM LORD CROMDAR! RULER OF THE ALTERNATE DIMENSION! AND AVATAR OF THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!
ALL WORSHIP LORD CROMDAR!
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I can not believe that the people from the “first nation” believe in stupide ideas like “intelligent design” and “crationism”! In Germany most people think that the USA are the world leading country in relation to natural science … well I think we have to think again!
C
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Claudia,
I’m so ashamed. No, really. Our own founding fathers (and mothers) wanted so desperately to protect freedom of religion. How is it free if ID is being taught in our schools? Yet, I see a lot of religious intolerance going on here. Leave it up to any bunch of people to really screw things up. I’m not going to get all political here, but I think that maybe I nee to move to Canada. Eh? I was born in the USA, and I love my country, but I really wonder, as you do, about some of the people in it.
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Ezekiel 16, 35 shows us what he really things about people giving themselves in to sexual intercourse.
Peace to the spagetthi monster. I am his faithfull follower until all kreationists are burned by their god´s hellfire.
Adios
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“Valkyrie Sep 19th, 2006 at 11:27 pm
Odin likes spegetthi and vikings made awesome pirates. As a happy viking to a pirate, Hail the gods!
Oh and my Church of the Zombie Christ friends give a shout to the pirates, “Yarrr!—
Very interesting parralel here actually.
Vikings and Pirates could be considered one and the same, and Odin’s “Valhalla” is similar to His Heaven except rather than Volcanos of Beer its “Never Ending Mead Horns” and rather than the Striper Factory its ” mead serving wenches and half naked Valkyries”
Very interesting…especially as Vikings were some of the first famous pirates.
Tim the Cabin Boy
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Even if evolution is the answer, can’t God still exist? Does it have to be one or the other, you simple-minded buffoon?
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Intelligent Design is the answer….and I wouldn’t want to be you when you stand in front of the FSM. May he touch you with his noodly appendage before it’s too late ;).
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I wouldn’t want to be you when you stand before the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
If you are right, and creationism is the only answer, then we will all just be dirt-food when we die. But if you are wrong, and the Pastafarian people are right and there is a Flying Spaghetti Monster, then you’ll be in a tough spot.
By the way, did you ever read what the Kansas School Board had proposed? It doesn’t sound like it from your letter.
Dread Pirate Bob
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“Argueing over who has the better God is like argueing over who has the best imaginary friend.”
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Personally, I like to believe that God is really lazy, and instead of mearly creating all things one day (or many as the case may be) he set forth a series of events (known as evolution) and just sat back to see what would happen. Personally I think that would be much more entertaining over eternity then making statues bleed or drink milk every couple of days or so. Thus, because I didn’t wanna get sucked up with all them crazy-like folk who run around thumbing their religios text of choice and telling me how I will goto hell I decided the flying spaghetti monster was right. Also because he is scientifically sound and with my theory I can believe he exists and continue on in the sciences! You rule FSM!
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Yaar te ye, Yankee brethren!
FSM-ism has reached the land of the Scots, and it’s tentacles spread through the highland glens.
Just a brief point about church and state – two-thirds of the founding fathers were either first or second generation Scots, and they were quite specific on the matter – absolute separation of the two, so that the mistakes made by the Church in Britain would not be repeated in the new world; so that America would be spared the hundreds of years of religious conflict already endured in Britain. You have had ample warning!
Ah-har!!!!
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@California Boy: I wouldn’t want to be you when you stand before the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
If you are right, and intelligent design is the only answer, then we will all be in Heaven when we die (except you, of course). But if you are wrong, and the FSM people are right and there is the Flying Spaghetti Monster, then you’ll be in a tough spot.
Then, I guess, you wished evolution-theory to be true (but don’t worry, it is – and the Flying Spaghetti Monster told me, it agrees on this one ;-)
TheHolg
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“Personally, I like to believe that God is really lazy, and instead of mearly creating all things one day (or many as the case may be) he set forth a series of events (known as evolution) and just sat back to see what would happen.”
That’s Deism, the original religion of many of the Founding Fathers, including Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Paine, and George Washington. Basically, its like the earth was created like a giant clock that was started off billions of years ago and is now ticking without any interference. It allows for evolution and intelligent design, and is based fully on reason and rationality, not on some centuries old text. Good stuff.
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Thank you for this wonderful website and for this wonderfull religion, and also thank you for finally giving me something i can hit back with that will counter the ignorant statergies of your standard religious nut.
It has been wonderful have something able to have an effect on people when common sence is an alien proposition to them. May the great flying spaghetti monster long reign over all.
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“That’s Deism, the original religion of many of the Founding Fathers, including Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Paine, and George Washington. Basically, its like the earth was created like a giant clock that was started off billions of years ago and is now ticking without any interference. It allows for evolution and intelligent design, and is based fully on reason and rationality, not on some centuries old text. Good stuff.”
Yes, deism is a religion. But, to characterize a religion as being “based fully on reason and rationality” is unreasonable. Religion is based on faith. Faith is the antithesis of reason.
It is reasonable to accept that there may be a god or gods since we as humans cannot understand the totality of the universe. But, having faith in something that cannot be tested is a symptom of irrationality. Even in the Bible, no human was around for the creation of Earth. So, the theory that a god created everything is a nice idea, but it cannot be shown to be true without faith and irrationality.
1) It is nice to have someone write that Intelligent Design is the same as religion. I know it is true, but many people are disingenous in their promotion of ID.
2) It is a truly Christian sentiment to wish enternal pain on your fellow human? This letter is a sin. Have you asked your god for forgiveness yet?
3) The Kansas School Board claimed that by adding the ID information they were promoting critical thinking. But, it was the opposite. If you want to promote critical thinking, then you introduce ID and state that there is no scientific proof nor has this theory had an experiement devised to test it. So, ID does not deserve the same weight in science classes as other TESTABLE theories do.
If Kansas had taken this route, then there would not have been the outrage in science community. But, they chose to try to give equal weight to a nonsense theory and one that has been tested repeatedly. This is not what science does. And, it would be a disservice to the Kansas students to perpetrate such a poorly thought out curriculm. It would have reduced the critical thinking skills that it claimed to support.
If you wish to believe in a religion that is cool. But, the US freedom of religion works both ways. I don’t have the right to force my lack of religion down your throat, and you don’t have the right to force your religion down mine. Because the people of the US have a mix of religions, the simplest answer is to keep all religions out of the government. This is not an attack on Christians; it is a way to maintain a measure of unity for the American people no matter our other ideas.
But, it is patently unpatriotic not to question the government at all times. It is unpatriotic to promote one religion over all others by putting “god” onto money or into the Pledge of Allegiance. We have a secular soceity. And, this is what the religious fanatics fear whether they are Islamic terrorists or homegrown Christian terrorists. Religion is all about control. And, religious figures will not give up their power without a fight.
Anywho, have a nice day. :)
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Quote:
“If you are right, and evolution is the only answer, then we will all just be dirt-food when we die. But if you are wrong, and the intelligent design people are right and there is a God, then you’ll be in a tough spot.”
If you are right, you go to paradise when your dead.
But if you are wrong, than you have wasted a part of the only live that you had.
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And if you’re so bound up in what other people tell you instead of deciding what’s true between yourself and God (or FSM if you so desire), then you’re wrong to. The Bible says “If any of ye lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who giveth to _all_ men liberally and upbraideth (chastiseth) not, and it shall be given him.” (James 1:5 (KJV) emphasis added)
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Rather than listen to a pastor who’s paid to tell you what to think, read your holy book and make up your mind yourself. How are you better than the suicide bomber who will only listen to their Imam? Islam _means_ peace, not al-Qaeda. The point is, if you don’t make up your own mind, someone will make it up for you and thus control you, and you become a pawn to them. Make up your own mind, that’s why God/FSM gave it to you!
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_That_ is why ID should not be taught, or it should be taught with Pastafarianism and any other idea. Science and Religion _are_not_ Mutually Exclusive!
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Vas en paix, may His Noodly Appendage Touch your Mind. RAmen.
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Oh, all of you put down your verbal weapons and remind that for minced mead thou art, and unto digested mead shalt thou return. Peace on you all !!!
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On one hand, we have Genesis, blah blah, don’t eat the fruit, the most boring read ever.
On the noodle, we have midgits, pirates, and beer for everyone.
Now tell me which out of the three I’m going to believe. Hint: I have an eyepatch.
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I have finally found the God that is right for me. I am spiritually reaching out right now to caress his Noodly Appendage.
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All these christians touting the old testement. The god of the old testement was vengeful and angry. The god of the new testement was a bit more loving. According to the bible christ came to teach everyone a new way of living and throw out the old rules. The followers of christ became known as christians. Now if you follow christ and his path that is ment to replace the old path I think you see where I am going with this. The old school of thought said the world was created in 7 days. Christ never said that. As a follower of christ should you not follow the teachings of christ and not the older school of thought found in the old testement. Jesus stated in no uncertain terms love thy neighbor as thy self and judge not lest the be judged. So when you say “I wouldn’t want to be you when you stand before God.” You are being judgemental (about something only god can judge) and you are not being loving. Hence you are not following the teaching of christ and are taking unchristian actions. So at the very best you are a crappy christian but mayhap not even christian at all.
I like christ. I do not like christians. They are so unlike christ.
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“The most preposterous notion that H. sapiens has ever dreamed up is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of all the Universes, wants the saccharine adoration of His creatures, can be swayed by their prayers, and becomes petulant if He does not receive this flattery. Yet this absurd fantasy, without a shred of evidence to bolster it, pays all the expenses of the oldest, largest, and least productive industry in all history. ”
-Lazarus Long
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After ages of Christian dogmas and fakes, finally some believes that make sense.
PRAISE THE FSM!! His mighty majesty touched me, and i’m feeling enlightened.
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I’d hate to be you if the Jew’s or Muslims are right.
Your opinion is already flawed, before you even thought of it, California boy.
For a religious debator to debate, he must have arguements that can’t be used for any religion.
I find it ironic that intelligent design has the word intelligent in it.
It’s wretchedly farfetched the way that people look towards others who base their beliefs off of facts and logic (rather than speculation) as the dumb or crazy ones.
-sever
Money is God.
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ZONA. homo sapiens might have just dreamed it up. but okay, why do you care and what is your motive to change what we think. i dont really pray anymore except for forgiveness because it has gotten me nowhere, but in my own opinion, i dont deserve anything from God. in general, im probably what God would consider a bad person. least productive industry in all history? are you speaking of the church cuz back in the day the church was FILTHY RICH.
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Stop that. You’re making us Californians look bad.
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Uhm… has anyone else ever considered the possibility that God created everything, but that both he and his vessels (Moses, Jesus, Mohommad, etc.) aren’t quite sure how it was done themselves? I mean, what if “God” was sorta like the user of a brand new computer… he learned how to use it, but had no idea how it actually worked? I mean, where in the Bible (or the Qu’ran, etc.) does it say that God knew from the beginning how everything worked?
Maybe he just clicked the “Create Planet” button, then the “Create Life” button the day after (or five days later, whatever). How can anyone be certain that “God” actually knows what’s he’s doing?
Maybe God is just a really good gamer, you know? Maybe He didn’t create the game, but He’s learned how to use it very well. Think of The Sims– who else here loves that game but lacks the ability to create it?
Perhaps the designer of this “game” we call reality is content to sit back, out of the limelight, and provide the occasional patch download or expansion pack. Maybe he (or she) just likes watching how his program will be used.
John
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We from Germany can’t understand what you are doing in Kansas – are you really serious about that? Everybody of course is free to believe in whatever he wants, but teaching children stuff like this is dangerous. I’m not talking about the Spaghettimonster or what ever, I’m talking about telling the kids God createt everything and sciense is nothing! That’s so stupid, we can’t even find the right words!
It’s a shame that modern people still do think like that – I’m glad to live in germany, where things like this never could happen!!!
Friedrich Nietzsche: “Gott ist tot” (die fröhliche Wissenschaft) Diesen Satz brauche ich nicht zu übersetzen, denn jemand, der so aufgeklärt ist und sich für Nietzsche interessiert, ist auch so europäisiert, dass er diesen kurzen deutschen Satz verstehen wird!
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“I believe that God is bound by the same laws of physics, science, biolgy, etc.. that we are” -Thorkia
Then there is no god, because god, or God, if you wish, is by definition a SUPERnatural being. Get that? It means ‘outside nature.’ And nature is, by definition, all that exists. You can’t have both.
“Don’t teach it to my kids in School, as I will teach them about God at home. I need the school system teach my kids about math, english, geograhpy, history, science, etc. ”
-Thorkia
While you’re at it, teach your kids to capitalize English, not just He and God.
Sorry for the harsh tone, I get so weary of people trying to rationalize their mythology.
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This new forum isn’t good. More difficult to use, hard to see the big overview. And this form doesn’t let you format your post into paragraphs. Unless I’m doing something wrong.
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Personally, I like to believe that God is really lazy
When i do think of a god (not often, FSM rules =D) i tend to think of a small child, sitting on an anthill, with a magnifying glass in his hand…guess who we are?
Ramen
=D
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